Loving Wives - Douglas Wilson | Marriage Seminar

This is the second message in our Discipleship Seminar on Marriage.
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[@43Danc]

This reminds me of a time when I needed help after a camper trailer I was hauling came off the hitch on a lonely country road in Alabama. A guy stopped. Assessed the problem with me. We discussed a solution. He summoned his two sons for tools and scrap wood from his truck. The four of us quickly had that camper jacked up and hooked back to my truck “properly”. After a few handshakes, we where back on the road. My wife commented on how nice that man and his boys where to stop and help. I agreed, but said; “He wasn’t doing it to be nice, although it was nice. He stopped because he saw a problem that needed a solution. He saw a teaching moment for his sons also. Sure it was about helping someone, but it was more about how to jack up a detached camper on the side of the road.” We do think differently. I saw it as an act of respect, in a pragmatic way. She saw it as a act of pure kindness.

[@jackjones3657]

The bible tells husbands to love and cherish their wives, and women to respect and honor their husbands. How about that, God made men and women with different emphasis on how those are prioritized. Now is the time for churches to EQUIP their congregants with God's Truth not the culture's 'truth.' The contrast between us and society should be very stark and perhaps our greatest witness.

[@duncescotus2342]

God made conjoined twins, xxy people, children with no brains, literally, and all kinds of problems. Let's equip our people with a Gospel that covers that, too. You speak Pharisee, and forgive me, I'm not as fluent as you.

[@Sardious]

@@duncescotus2342 XXY people look and have what men have. Conjoined twins have nothing to do with this talk but like every genetic abnormality you mentioned they are a damaged body caused by a corrupted world. Children with no brains????? Well they will not be a husband or wife so this is again irrelevant to the topic. The Biblical view would be to love and care for those with genetic damage or defect as you would any widow or orphan or poor. The concept of what to do is there without needed every variation to be spelled out. Jack Jones is on the right track that we need the Scriptures and to actually start living them as a culture not changing them for the culture and not a new scripture that addresses every one in a billion circumstance created by a fallen world.

[@edbenjamin5136]

They really aren't different vastly different emphases. This teaching oversimplifies things. Husbands are not only called to love their wives, but to care for, feed, nurture, and respect their wives. In 1 Peter 3:7 lack of respect toward one's wife can hinder prayers. Too much is made of treating husband and wife categorically different. Men need affection as well, and that is what the bible asks women to do elsewhere. There are plenty of men and women with personal variations that don't fit into the mold pastor states.

[@wendygold883]

Excellent! Well said and in such simple terms.

[@TheCamG]

I’m a 25 year old getting married to a godly young woman in October of ‘24, and I am very thankful for this good word. This is the solid meat of God’s Word that I will be chewing on and nourished by for years to come.

[@majose7787]

What about when practical women offer solutions and when more sensitive men desire love? What do we do with these outliers?

[@alabamahammer707]

This is the best I’ve ever heard on the subject

[@claytoncorley1741]

I am a 24 year old husband in need of much help regarding these matters. This was a gift of grace. :) Thanks!

[@duncescotus2342]

You tell your wife, and this is coming from a prophet of God, she's a lucky woman.

[@millerblaine2047]

i guess Im asking randomly but does any of you know a method to get back into an Instagram account?? I stupidly lost the login password. I appreciate any help you can offer me

[@bengary6558]

Same bro!

[@claytoncorley1741]

@@bengary6558 press on brother!!

[@A1vin505]

Same

[@evertonporter7887]

I hate it when women humiliate, backstab, slander and disrespect their husbands. It's disgusting and horrible and should be called out! Same goes to men who say horrible things about women. Whatever happened to mutual respect?

[@davidrisselada6199]

I am going on my 28th year of marriage. Careful observation will show the truth of what is being discussed here. Women are driving on emotion and are seeking that kind of validation when troubles arise. Men look at things as they are, detached from emotional elements. There is a time when a women's perspective is needed and a time when a man's is. The biggest example I can point to from experience is dealing with the adult children. The wife will always be emotionally attached, wanting to fix every problem they go through. The man wants the children to learn and be a problem solver for themselves. There are times when mom is right and times when dad is. The key is recognizing whose perspective is needed.

[@dumfriesspearhead7398]

Husbands may want to be respected by having their achievements and abilities praised, but do women? To praise a woman for the way she looks after her mother or children going to have the same effect? I suspect that a woman would want her internal qualities, who she IS praised, rather than what she DOES as befits the feminine principle.

[@miguelbayne4506]

God give me the strength to one day be attracted to women so I too can find a loving wife.

[@ericdelanoy9570]

Miguel, may I say that it doesn’t take strength. Have you committed to following Christ with your whole life? Have you looked to Him in the same way men of old were told to look to the brazen serpent? Have you ever seen yourself as someone with the judgment of God hanging over your head?

[@miguelbayne4506]

@@ericdelanoy9570 Of course I've committed my life to Christ! I was only expressing my desperation that God give me an attraction to women so that I too could become a loving husband to a wife.

[@DS-ll5fn]

@@miguelbayne4506 and God will give you this! Ask and you Will be given! 🙏

[@duncescotus2342]

We are the loving wife of Christ, his bride, his church. This is the mystery of Ephesians 5. Doug Wilson is charming, but he hasn't much of a clue when it comes to the meat of the Christian faith.

[@ericdelanoy9570]

@@duncescotus2342 may I ask how old are you?

[@proverbsone7657]

This was a direct mirror of my marriage and I'm very grateful for this message .

[@beauxbrasseur]

Wow! What a blessing!

[@gwh070156]

I find it interesting that "Loving Wives" has 1.7 K hits, but "Loving Husbands" has only 1.3K. Are there 400 angry wives?

[@debras3806]

Come on! Analogize to "Correlation doesn't prove causation"; did you forget? ;) Perhaps (as in almost certainly) WAY more men follow Doug Wilson and are therefore alerted of his videos than women?

[@Zaloomination]

4500 now, how is the other doing?

[@inlonging]

I’m female and this is the one the algorithm gave me.

[@sonnyh9774]

No, husbands just need more help with relationships

[@erinwill6743]

More males view youtube

[@TGP109]

''Men define love as not giving trouble to others''? Little wonder there's so much trouble.

[@Zaloomination]

The comments on serving by leading were great and much appreciative

[@duncescotus2342]

Only that's not what Jesus said.

[@Zaloomination]

@@duncescotus2342 Pastor Doug's point I think was that leadership is commonly misunderstood or the main part of it ignored. Our wives are looking for men to lead our families in the big picture, to take responsibility for where our marriage and our kids are in life and the values they soak up. Who was made to be whose helper in the garden?

[@duncescotus2342]

@@Zaloomination Ok, good start. Who had the responsibility of which you speak, to tend the garden? So yes, responsibility is man's weakness, that is, he shirks. The woman's weakness is susceptibility to deception. You can say "our wives are looking for...." whatever you want. Part of the curse is this: "Your desire shall be for your husband." The husband is looked to in place of God. "Sarah called Abraham Lord," as it says. All this is normal fallen behavior, not particularly righteous. Even in pagan societies we find similar dynamics, though not always. For this reason, to the IMMATURE, in the Lord, which is to say carnal, disobedient, Paul gives his famous (or infamous) headship commands to the Corinthian church. He even mentions, "the angels" pointing to unseen cosmic forces at work. All of this is done away with IN CHRIST, in whom is "neither woman nor man" far above the "weak and the beggarly elements." Now, it's important to remember, Christ always justifies "the ungodly." He never justifies the godly, as they don't need it. I recommend Michael Heiser for a supernaturalist refresher course, lest you sucked into this Calvinist bullshit. There are cosmic principles here of which Wilson is evidently ignorant.

[@spencercaster1582]

@duncescotus2342 “For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭ESV‬‬ May I suggest humbly that this isn’t Calvinist bullsh*t and Wilson isn’t ignorant?

[@holinessofthebride1935]

@@duncescotus2342 You just love to hear yourself talk, don't you? You replace the word of God with your arrogant imaginations. Paul's teachings on headship and submission are for everyone, and they are commands to follow, alongside great spiritual truths.

[@kalync5948]

Excellent teaching sir!

[@JR-rs5qs]

I think too much focus is placed on the actual washing of feet by Jesus. it gets romanticized and is considered just "oh so sweet". What Jesus is saying while he's washing their feet is what should be focused on. It's profound and isn't just grounded in service; it's grounded in salvation with imageries of baptism.

[@mrhartley85]

I heard this yesterday in a lecture by James Jordan. The imagery of baptism from foot washing.

[@ericjames7819]

The scripture says for men to love their wives. Not make their wives feel loved. There's an important difference. Just as Christ loving us doesn't mean making us feel good. It means what is best for us, even if it doesn't feel good at the moment.

[@Sundayschoolnetwork]

It's important to point out the verse just before the individual instructions to wives and husbands. Ephesians <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="321">5:21</a> says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

[@mchristr]

Yes, that is the English translation. But what does it mean?

[@Sundayschoolnetwork]

@@mchristr the Greek is, hupotassó Phonetic Spelling: (hoop-ot-as'-so) Definition: to place or rank under, to subject, to obey Usage: I place under, subject to; mid, pass: I submit, put myself into subjection.

[@HartyBiker]

Yes, 5:21 is the end of a paragraph, and it gives a general statement that godly submission is the way that Christians are to live their lives, rather than being usurpers. The next 3 paragraphs then give the specific contexts of submission, where wives submit to husbands, children submit to parents and slaves submit to masters. If you are to assume based on 5:21 that husbands are to submit to wives, then parents must submit to children, and masters to servants also. Furthermore, Paul says that wives are to submit to their "own husbands", so Paul actually tells godly wives specifically not to submit to another woman's husband, so again, if 5:21 meant that in the church everyone submits to everyone, then Paul has just contradicted himself between 5:21 and 5:22.

[@Sundayschoolnetwork]

@@HartyBiker yes, we are to submit to one another, just as Christ submitted himself to the Father. We are on equal footing before Christ. The passages after 21 tell us how that is lived out.

[@lwacc]

Agreed. One thing to add, a man is to take the first step to love his wife and then the wife reciprocates, not the other way round. It is just like Christ loving and dying for his bride first, then the bride reciprocates that love back to Christ through giving back the respect and honor. However, most men demand that their wives give them the respect first when they have not earned it yet. Even non-Christians understand the concept, hence the saying "respect must be earned, not given".

[@raYrefiedAire]

We should learn to speak respect and love more with our practice and action than words as well. Great Segment... Sometimes actions and responses speak so much louder than words, let's as spouses (33yrs June 18) work on those weaknesses and instinctually do what God commends us

[@ericjames7819]

Getting input from one's wife could be valuable. The problem is, women's nature is such that when they give input on a decision they feel it should be taken, and feel slighted if it isn't. They then act out based on that feeling etc. The relationship may actually work better if he rarely seeks input from his wife.

[@kevintswi]

It’s Quantum physics being taught so that a 3rd grader understands “QF”to the point of be able to apply it’s laws. So, that is a try at explaining how profoundly this message has impacted me! Knowing that our marriage had wires that were crisscrossed, but befuddled to exacerbation, I had no clue as to turn to the left or to the right on fixing what we all knew was a massive hemorrhage in our marriage!!

[@olerain]

This is sooooo true

[@supersmart671]

My wife wants money and not my presence 😕 also my presents....

[@evertonporter7887]

A woman bewitched man with her looks and body. Men bewitched woman with his money and possessions. Character doesn't count in today's world.

[@holinessofthebride1935]

I'm very sorry. I hope you can restore your marriage to God's intention for it. It can be full of peace, joy, and mutual love.

[@alabamahammer707]

Outstanding

[@rosagoglia4649]

Wheww.. well there’s respect the husband, love the wife and love one another is what I read

[@Jo0zek20]

Thank you pastor Douglas! It's the gospel implemented into the most basic and most important things in whole life. I would love to see more fathers in church who have hearts for teaching young christian fathers and husbands how not only understand the gospel but how to live it out in every aspect and facet of life. My take aways: 1. Love wife first, than fix problems, 2. Lead, and take responsibility for decisions made on my own and wife's input, 3. Be ready to bleed during service like Christ 4. Teach it christians brothers

[@katsmith2343]

actually is does GET REALLY OLD! move on ladies.

[@conantheseptuagenarian3824]

in practice it seems that women define love as making trouble for others.

[@akyle96]

Still confused on a terribly granular level. What does it look like, in specifics, to love a wife in the situation described?

[@biosci777]

Has anyone else been told, "love is owed, but respect must be earned"?

[@yaboibradautry]

In response to @<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="2050">34:10</a> …But the woman, whom you gave me, gave me the fruit and I ate…

[@damianwhite504]

You remind me of Frankie Sinatra mister Douglas

[@jolookstothestars6358]

Oh how I struggle with this,we (she) struggles with this. All the past hurts, to be then hurt again is like bending over and pushing the crown of thorns in with my own weight and saying count it all joy. Some things in this Christian walk "seem" impossible. Help Lord!

[@robertholandez3553]

With God all things are possible 🙏

[@deeveevideos]

So how do we square this with we are to not grumble or murmur? As with the example of the wife talking to her husband about a problem.

[@inlonging]

Sounds like both sexes are allowed to speak to others, the man seeking a solution and the woman seeking a companion. There’s a difference in asking for help and just gossiping or griping.

[@deeveevideos]

@@inlonging thank you. That's the conclusion I came to

[@hedgemist691]

I just can't be bothered listening to this. Three minutes in and I'm done. BOTH need love and respect, everyone needs love and respect. I've never understood all the fuss about this and how it's become such a huge problem. I'm so glad I was never battered by all this ADVICE when I was first married, it's exhausting!

[@ChristKirk]

You are correct - both husbands and wives need love and respect. But there's a reason why Paul emphasizes one and the other for each spouse.

[@catherinemcdade9518]

Well for some people, like myself, it explains situations which cause hurt and confusion to both parties and how to remedy them. I suppose we're not all the same and won't all benifit by the same things however, I identify all too well with what he is saying and am grateful for hearing it.

[@toddcote4904]

Correction and guidance are not easy for you.... if only you could have made it to minute 4, lol

[@bigbuck1995]

Thank you!

[@cristinadoherty1556]

Ammmmenn

[@kevingomez8735]

I’m so lame..

[@viscache1]

The overall message is flawed. There is a sense that he wrote his message, included his talking points and ‘Christian Pop Psychology 101” and then went on a hunt for scripture verses to pull largely out of context to back up his points. In a few points his translation inferences abruptly changed or altered the meaning of the context. No attention was given to author, culture or historic reference. In general I would not fault the majority of his comments but as a whole I found this superficial and poorly informative. MUCH MORE SCRIPTURE is needed and competing points of view from different biblical references and cultural origins. Please don’t misunderstand..God’s Word does NOT change values as society or cultures change. He said what He said! But there is SO MUCH MORE to be learned on this subject! This deserves a follow up and much serious complex research throughout Scripture to broaden the premise and be more interesting and accurate. ⭐️⭐️‘of 5.

[@BruceHildebrand]

I like what you have said here. Can you refer to a better resource, one that does what you have challenged should be done? I would be interested to hear more and know more about what you have said here.

[@DeliverMeFromEvil-]

Really.... I think it was very simply put ....well done

[@alsteiner7602]

troll

[@Alec-yu3xq]

You just copy and pasted this? You used lots of words without once even referring to the subject the video was teaching about.

[@GodsServant543]

So much of what he’s saying is descriptive of a world, Thats soft pedaled, and “princesses” women into a westernized view, and not based on prescription and a healthy culture. Women shouldn’t be so comfortable looking for a Companion in trouble where it’s not needed, and that’s not love, that’s being a baby. Wanting you husband to be a companion regarded to gossip, worldliness and the like, isn’t love. It’s the byproduct of a sinful culture, that’s done a terrible job raising women. Being more emotion and love centered, doesn’t equate to being “Hyper emotional, and Hyper Love” centered!

[@DeliverMeFromEvil-]

I am in no way a princess. However I find this pastors emphasis on the differences between men and women refreshingly accurate and biblical

[@GodsServant543]

@@DeliverMeFromEvil- It’s honestly not refreshing or biblical… we justify the hyper emotions of women in modern western society. We’re quiet with their selfishness, and irrationality and treat it as normal. It’s not. It’s no more normal than racism, it has to be taught, allowed and ignored. Refreshing would be a focus on submission and emotionally stability, with a man loving them etc… He said the normal stuff.

[@oliviarose3513]

@@GodsServant543 to be fair, women are naturally more emotional than men

[@GodsServant543]

@@oliviarose3513 Correct, hence the last part of my comment “Hyper emotional and hyper love centered” is the problem. We have no problem addressing men and demanding that we control our testosterone and how that relates to anger, aggression and sex drive… but we’re mostly silent in regards to women not being more sober, rational, and practical in regards to emotions and love. It’s actually unnatural for women to be this emotional. Women have a greater need for security and safety than emotional highs and nice gifts etc… but our culture has protected and sheltered women in an unhealthy manner, so we’re left with many spoiled, emotional teenager like “wives” who struggle to submit and and here the word no. Think about it… If it wasn’t for media type messages… what happens to the economy? Men spending absurd amounts of money on women make the economy here work.

[@nickfedor210]

Marriage is not possible in today's world. I'll quote Paul "I wish you all to remain as I am (unmarried), because of the hard times in which we live"

[@mustardseedist]

The Bible does not say true saints are to be called sinners. Yikes get some discernment.

[@katsmith2343]

ruling authority lordship? this sounds like a way to preserve the age old desire for men to control women. Also it never gets old listening to men interpret a book written thousands of years ago by MEN for MEN. Surely we have progressed since then.

[@ChristKirk]

Scripture is the timeless Word of God.

[@ericjames7819]

And women's and men's nature is unchanged.