A Man and His Wife | Doug Wilson

In this talk entitled "A Man and His Wife" from GraceAgenda 2021, Pastor Doug Wilson discusses manhood and marriage.
Enjoying this video? Check out Doug's book, "Federal Husband: Covenant Headship and the Christian Man" today!
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The last several years Christ Church in Moscow, Idaho has tried an experiment in grace and has not charged for the Grace Agenda conference. In keeping with this spirit of grace, we are accepting free will donations at www.graceagenda.com/donate
This video is presented by Canon Press.

[@quickattackfilms7923]

I’ve never heard this explained like this before. I’ve never really understood what it meant to be a masculine person. I basically knew it was “be like Clint Eastwood and you’re on the right track.” In the back of my mind, I guess I equated biblical masculinity in marriage with mere dominance. The bit about men exhibiting proper obedience to those of a higher station in order to be an example to our wife is so good. This is good stuff. It’s like a million puzzle pieces just clicked in place.

[@jaquirox6579]

I think that’s a really common male view of masculinity. My husband has also described a similar thought process of it. And I think it’s really the church, and the fathers job to teach young boys what the truth is according to God. But when the church and the parents fail to do so, it leaves young men feeling sort of confused and floundering once they are married. And the same for women of course! The church and the parents together, are supposed to raise the young women up in these ways. And the most interesting part to both roles, is that it really does take both sides participating in the correct way, for it to flow well. But one spouse can also do their role, and prayerfully hope for their spouse to join in. 🙏🏽

[@quickattackfilms7923]

@@jaquirox6579 Amen

[@jaquirox6579]

@@quickattackfilms7923 Thanks brother! 🙏🏽♥️ I take it you can relate to my comments then? Once we get ourselves all straightened out, we have to be extra fervent to teach the kids ourselves too! And maybe not just our own. Like how can we help serve our church in this way too? Food for thought. 🙏🏽

[@quickattackfilms7923]

@@jaquirox6579 Yeah you’re definitely right

[@jaylenfrank]

"Masculinity is the glad embrace of sacrificial responsibility. " Thank you God for your winds of wisdom. May it never be perverted or weaponized.

[@jesuschristsaves9067]

One of the few Calvinist I love to listen too.

[@heatherwoods5703]

Haha, I agree!

[@AnonHeirs]

Imagine if he wasn't calvinist?! He'd be on fire!

[@christopherneedham9584]

Why do you care if he is a calvanist or not? He is a Christian.

[@jesuschristsaves9067]

@@christopherneedham9584 Because some Calvinists preach stupid, arrogant, prideful and unbiblical messages…. That’s why. Calvinism in its ideology is disgusting. Doug Wilson however is great! 👍🏾

[@christopherneedham9584]

@@jesuschristsaves9067 and a variety of a whole host of denominations have their own pastors which preach their own versions of heresies. How is calvanism any different?

[@theauthor8901]

As a new Christian, I find your teaching invaluable. I am seeking membership at a local chapel that teaches biblical wisdom, such as you teach, Pastor Wilson. I am also growing into genuine manhood and, therefore, welcome your prayers. Thanks and God bless!

[@Jazzygoodtimes]

Don't worry about getting a membership, Jesus and His disciples never ever taught that you had to become a member at any earthly temple of sorts, but rather Scripture instructed us to be In Christ, if you are in Christ then you are a member already, enrolled in heaven, the kingdom of God, by being born again. Church membership actually promotes division among the body rather than unity, we must seek unity with all brothers and sisters in Christ.

[@theauthor8901]

@@Jazzygoodtimes I think that you ought to review the Word. Hebrews 12 is a great place to start. Elsewhere you will find that the elders job is to discipline members for their sanctification. It is a good thing.

[@Jazzygoodtimes]

@@theauthor8901 Im not telling you that the elders job isnt that, but on the contrary the congregation is exhorted to rebuke leadership in sin 1 Timothy 5:19-21 Discipline is good and is a duty of God, according to Hebrews 12 and is a blessing, but once you can show me that church buildings are supposed to have a membership process in order to be included as a Christian believer through Scripture then I will hear you on that matter, but I have been through the bible several times and still havent found the passage condoning it, rather I find Jesus going house to house having intimate relationships with people rather than setting up a mega church in Nazareth or even picking disciples from the scribes and pharisees. Yes, rather, He chose from the lowly, the base of people untrained and uneducated men as we see in Acts and other places.

[@theauthor8901]

@@Jazzygoodtimes I did not suggest that church membership and salvation were a package. I wrote, “I am seeking membership at a local chapel that teaches biblical wisdom… “ I had already written beforehand that I am a new Christian. Therefore, I clearly understand that one can be saved and not a church member. Please take the time to read and digest what customers write before you take the liberty of offering them advice, I’ll-conceived or otherwise. I suggest that you watch more of Pastor Wilson’s videos and read your Bible with greater care and attention to detail. Goodbye.

[@Jazzygoodtimes]

@@theauthor8901 Well this is a public forum and public expression is encouraged, if you dont like that then that is on you. If you are a new Christian then I encourage you to listen more and speak less, you are giving more glory to "pastor" Doug Wilson and by default diverting glory from God who will not share His glory with another. Point people to Jesus, not men. Even Jesus Himself said not to call anyone teacher for you have one Teacher and you are all brothers. There are Shepherds biblically but we are not to exalt them above others. Jesus addressed this when His disciples began bickering about who is greatest and He told them the one who desires to be the greatest must be the servant of all for even the Son of man didn't come to be served but to serve. He led by example even washing their feet. Good day.

[@22brianm]

This is so helpful and necessary. Thank God for faithful and wise teachers!

[@Ironworthstriking]

What a profound talk. As a young husband this is chock full of great insights and reminders.

[@cats6541]

Oh my word. This was excellent. Thank you. So needed in the era of confusion we’re living in. Gotta go listen again ✌️

[@bnato8209]

Wow, this is great truth. Really needs to be taught Church wide. Men need to be discipled in it continually.

[@jaquirox6579]

Wow! I think I need to listen to this again! Thank u Mr. Wilson! Well done!

[@Pun_Solo]

I'm on my 3rd time through. There's just so much good stuff.

[@nattamused9074]

I am a 44 year old wife, who has been married for 22 years to a husband who consistently abdicates leadership in our marriage. I’ve been homeschooling our seven children, alone these 22 years. Their upbringing is on me. I’m not sharing this for pity. I’m sharing this here because I have something to say to the young men watching this video. Rev. Wilson is right about what he has said here. The harm done to your wife, your children, and probably your grandchildren, because of your abdication to lead is immeasurable (apart from the Lord who stores tears in a bottle). Don’t marry a woman who will not submit and obey, and don’t fail to lead a wife who would.

[@holinessofthebride1935]

Thank you. That's a very good message for others. I'm sorry you lack that leadership in your marriage, and I hope that your husband is awakened one day to take his rightful leadership. I know you will continue to be faithful to the Lord.

[@paulkersey7458]

I enjoy listening to this guy. We have theological differences, but he is a great debater and makes good points

[@papupaturbo]

Masculinidad: Autoridad, Sacrificio, Responsabilidad, Iniciativa Feminidad: Sumisión, Obediencia, Gratitud, Responsiveness

[@alannesbitt9216]

Wow Doug! This is so good! Like the centurian who said, through his servant, to Christ, "I know what it is to be under authority." I appreciate your timely instruction in these last days, and if I was of college age, I might just make the switch to New Saint Andrews to be in your class. May the Lord continue to wing your words of "winsome tartness" to all who may hear, receive, and obey. Thank you!

[@stephenoni2019]

this was such a good explanation of masculinity and femininity. the devil and his cohorts will still twist his words; they will deceive while being deceived themselves. these issues call for wisdom.

[@BBnSam1215]

Idk why I’m listening to this when I have no husband and am unlikely to have one in the future. Wishful thinking and hope, coming back to rip me down yet again.

[@BornAgain223]

Did you find a husband yet?

[@BBnSam1215]

@@BornAgain223 no, but weirdly not long after that comment I started dating a man who I’m still with. Strange looking back at this right now. We’re not in the same state and idk what will happen in the future, but right now it’s going well. Thanks Corry.

[@BornAgain223]

@BB maybe that's your future husband :) thanks for the update! God bless you 🙏

[@BBnSam1215]

@@BornAgain223 you as well.

[@MrC_XVI]

25:39 Your point that Jesus took on the responsibility without being guilty himself summed this up for me perfectly. all the more reason, however, to pray for a wise wife (or husband for the ladies.) Thank you Mr. Wilson, sir.

[@juliangodsend9418]

Truly brilliant

[@Stareingattheson]

A foundational teaching that up girds the pillars of relational existence, between male and female, a possibility!

[@fredmeier3515]

Its about time.

[@bakobuck]

Really liked the basketball/Congress substitute explanation

[@lombechewemukulu3767]

LOVE IT! SO MUCH TO DIGEST

[@dubois2.024]

Solid.

[@audreyrencher8973]

Doug wilson loves to hear himself talk

[@Msarielleaugustin]

How do you deal with going to a church where men aren’t encouraged to initiate in terms of courtship?

[@breynnbailey1287]

What about widows??? I was widowed at 42 with teenagers. What do I do? What is my position. There isn't anything in the bible except that a widow is 60 or over and should be cared for by her family. Younger widows are to remarry, take care of the house and raise children. Do you have videos on widows/widowers? I have watched a few of your videos and several of your daughters. I also have listened to Eve in Exile and now have the book and work book. I have shared this with my church members. A response would be lovely. 🙏 I'll add that my father and grandfathers are gone also.

[@itsHeatherKay]

I love the wisdom here. Aside from my belief that God has a physical body, I agree with these ideas and am grateful for them.

[@jaquirox6579]

So….. how does that play out, if u believe He has a physical body? I haven’t heard anyone say that before. Interesting!

[@horrificpleasantry9474]

The father does not. The son, after the incarnation, does. Jesus states the former explicitly to the woman at the well

[@itsHeatherKay]

@@jaquirox6579 Hello! I think the Son was created in the express image of His Father, to do the will of His Father and in His name (as His steward and representative on Earth.) It doesn’t make sense to me that a vibration created all these varied, specific, physical things for no purpose whatsoever for or relating to Himself. Children (like us mortals) are created from the mold of Heavenly parents, just as we are copies of our parents. Jesus was directly from God, and we all are more generally via Adam. We are all brothers and sisters!

[@jaquirox6579]

@@horrificpleasantry9474 Exactly.

[@horrificpleasantry9474]

@@itsHeatherKay The son was not created, he is God Almighty and has always existed.

[@richardrichard5319]

What do you do when you take the initiative and she refuses?

[@holinessofthebride1935]

You have every right to correct her.

[@anthonyatsaves4619]

This commentary by Doug Wilson is very good. However, it feels a little incomplete. There are many good Christian husbands who go along with the charade because of the modern divorce laws.

[@tesseract535]

Good point about the headcoverings. Thankfully, my wife obeyed when I Asked her to wear an Israeli tichel in honor of 1 Cor 11. But the larger point stands: are things in order in your house?

[@jaquirox6579]

Can I ask why u decided to ask her to wear it? Are u American?

[@tesseract535]

Yes we are. American women used to wear headcoverings in public, the bonnet. Baptist, Presbyterian, Catholic all. In public too as they took 1 Cor 11 to mean praying wherever.

[@tesseract535]

I just like the tichel style better

[@jaquirox6579]

@@tesseract535 Oh yah I study quite a bit of history, so I’m familiar with head coverings many uses in the past. I’m just curious what spurred that topic up for you? I picture you going about your entire life with no head coverings, then u suddenly decided to ask your wife to wear one. So there was probably something that spurred that idea, right? And I’m just curious what that was. If you wouldn’t mind sharing it with me? It’s not very common now, especially in the US. Culturally, even within the Church, it’s quite rare. So as a man who has chosen that rarity for his family, I’m super curious why, or how u got there. God bless, and thank u for chatting with me btw. 🙏🏽

[@tesseract535]

We heard about it through friends of friends in Apologia and decided to look into it.

[@catsaresocute650]

I'd point out that similarly this is explained later in more detail as men being over wifes and wifes over husbands- both having authority over the other, what is then again specified as being the case. What is however pretty clear is that no-wear it writes one above the other or similar gender-nutral forms.

[@catsaresocute650]

That's something close to herasy, because no-one can take anothers sins (except christ)

[@catsaresocute650]

That's BS and for that matter bothers me whenever you say so, to some degrees RadFems are, but even they are not at war with feminity, they are all at war with the notion that femininity is for men or submissive. They want femininity to be womans, no men involved.

[@catsaresocute650]

And also not universal, rather some woman are not-feminine, some are.

[@catsaresocute650]

For one you represent why feminism might still be necessery

[@catsaresocute650]

If only it was directed at your line of thoghts, not geberal social problems made into issues of gender

[@Shadenir]

Finally someone in the church preaching actual masculinity and femininity in marriage. Only place I found this stuff before Doug was the Bible and certain branches of the BDSM community, though theyd get other stuff wrong even as they got masculinity, or dominance as they call it, right. A little hint for a lot of people out there. When a BDSM person says, "dominance," they dont always mean "domineering," or, "abusive control." Ive found that many times what theyre talking about, especially in a lot of the top books out there, is pretty much identical to Biblical masculinity, unless its the poser f*ckboy saying it, who Doug specifically mentioned in this talk. Dont just listen to the words people say and assume you know what they mean.

[@holinessofthebride1935]

That's a good observation. Sure, the popularity of bdsm shows that basic innate need for authority and submission. That is true between men and women, and also true more generally in society, which needs ruling authorities. We are built for relationships, including vertical relationships, and we are fulfilled in them. People robbed of normal authority and submission often intentionally go looking for it elsewhere, at times in the rather artificial structure within bdsm.

[@brandonswartz1163]

Let’s go Brandon!! 👏👏👏👏👏

[@NikkiSchumacherOfficial]

If you're from Idaho, it's "let's go Brad Little!"

[@BrokTheLoneWolf]

24:15

[@richardrichard5319]

It’s funny my wife works at our “church” and our marriage has gotten worse. Pretty sure she is cheating on me with someone from there! And that’s why I’m done with all this church stuff.

[@Sylver_Echo2923]

Sorry that happened to you. I hope you don't quit on God using that to throw God away is like saying you'll never eat vegetables again because of vegans. Your experience could be a powerful testimony that will give glory to God and help other people.

[@tianacampuzano9527]

This is good stuff! To the feminist women. Jesus came to this earth as a “man”, not a women. 😂

[@jeffkerr6098]

Doug Wilson is clearly wrong. I believe he is mixing terms.

[@danielmann5427]

Explain your Baselss assertion

[@nchinth]

doug, i agree with many of your views. you should embrace the Only Truth and become Catholic.

[@user-vt4nn3gt1i]

Calvinism is one of the dumbest and unbiblical doctrines.

[@danamo5601]

Girls should listen to this and know not to marry , the christian marriage is a miserable deal for women . Listening to this makes me really regret being a woman , even tho I'm probably not allowed to do this either ..

[@kerrylawson7515]

Marriage is a terrible idea for narcissists, indeed.

[@greenghost6416]

It just means that you dont love God.

[@michaellautermilch9185]

I don't really understand what you're saying is a terrible idea. Maybe a scripture reference would be helpful?

[@brandonk8948]

"If you want to find out how selfish you are get married." -- Hawaii pastor

[@horrificpleasantry9474]

How terrible to live with a man who never blames your for anything, even when you're totally at fault. Just the worst.

[@nicklausbrain]

Doug, I wonder if your own family is actually functional. There are unfortunate signs in this speech that make me doubt that. You are missing the point of the scripture and the context in which it was written. The point of the gospel and scripture is not to preserve the ancient "paterfamilias" structure, adored by you, BUT to make us servants to one another. In Christ there is no male nor female. Amen.

[@mchristr]

The context of Galatians 3 is clearly our salvific standing before either the law, or Christ. It has nothing to do with gender roles. You can have one foot in the world, and one foot in Christ but you'll be greatly injured by straddling the fence.

[@raskolnikov6443]

Nonsense it’s you who doesn’t understand that passage

[@BornAgain223]

Ironically egalitarians are experts at disregarding context of scripture, and have to do so to justify their faulty ideology and exigesis.

[@josephmiller997]

Lol! You don’t know who his daughters are. Obviously.

[@CanonPress]

Enjoying this video? Check out Doug's book, "Federal Husband: Covenant Headship and the Christian Man" today! canonpress.com/products/federal-husband/