How To Come Out As Trans/Nonbinary

[@MusingMoss]

Shout out to my sunburn!

[@thrillhous6407]

I just had the perfect chance too come out as non-binary and I didn’t and now I don’t think I will ever so I don’t know what to do

[@MikkiPike]

@@thrillhous6407 most importantly you should consider how much time do you have to come out? Who were you wanting to come out to? Do you not expect to be able to talk to them again in the near future?

[@thewiggles3728]

redboi 😍

[@wellingtonsmith4998]

what happens when you wear cold shoulder tops in the sun? pink shoulder, hahahahaa - (ahem) sorry

[@aureusnovasolis208]

That’s more colour than I’ve had my entire life

[@wellingtonsmith4998]

if you are unsure about coming out, consider this - it is okay to lie or practice deception to keep yourself safe. transphobes do not deserve your truth. stay safe

[@asper_maybe374]

I've been putting of coming out to my family for months, how dare you call me out like this. In other news: I've successfully convinced my mom that a binder is just a weird sportsbra. 9/20/21 Update: I came out and they're accepting : )

[@nicothenecromancer]

You shall be called out! Also so glad you've been ablw to convince her of that, I hope you can get a binder soon.

[@asper_maybe374]

@@nicothenecromancer oh I have one already. First time I wore it she gave me a strange look and asked where my boobs went

[@MikkiPike]

@@asper_maybe374 how unintentionally reaffirming 🤭

[@Ale6xN7]

Ayyy convinced my mom of the same thing. She said I got the wrong size because it was "too tight"

[@kurakurama214]

oh God same. i’ve also successfully convinced my mom to buy me a nonbinary flag (and a bisexual one, my family knows im bisexual but doesnt believe in nonbinary ppl 😐🙄) she doesnt know what the flag is for 😭😭😭😭

[@notusing-bla]

Im a kid (ftm) and I have asked my friend if I can go to her house if it backfires and her parents have agreed, aaaa I love those people 😭😭😭😭

[@notusing-bla]

Also im gonna come out after my b-day and all the celebrations so around September :)

[@cats_are.cool124]

It’s been a year now! How’s a going?

[@notusing-bla]

@@cats_are.cool124 my parents support completely :) but my dad is a bit ehhh abt it

[@supersryan271]

@@notusing-bla its been a long time is your dad still iffy about it? asking because of my dad because I think he will be similar

[@notusing-bla]

@@supersryan271 well my father is supportive, he tries to get my pronouns right but he slips up sometimes bc he isn’t the youngest of people. Just remember to be wary but don’t be scared.

[@Staarchild97]

i'm 25 and only just coming to terms with being transmasculine. i'm disabled and have high support needs so i'm absolutely terrified of coming out to my family in case they take it badly, but i don't know how much longer i can live like this. i think the closet has been glass for years but putting it into words for them is a scary process. this video has helped a lot in how i could maybe go around this, but it is unbelievably scary for me. i know though that i can't begin to even socially transition until my family knows i'm trans. i'm already out to my friends though and thankfully they've all been supportive

[@hopebgood]

I'm just a gay (seemingly straight) male who had his first bf at 16. Most of my male cousins are gay. Our (UK) family never had a problem with it. Neither did any of my straight friends. I have no horror stories about coming out. I'm very happy right now and I wish everyone else (here or otherwise) could be too. ;) xx

[@HuskySIVA]

I came out as trans (MtF) a week ago, got kicked out and am now living with a friend. I am okay and doing well, just shocked as my parents promised me from since I was young I would always be theirs and they would always love me.

[@widicamdotnet]

oh ouch :( I hope for you they'll come around eventually!

[@MaryRacine-q7z]

I’m a supportive mom. 🤗🥰

[@derocax]

I never even heard of that example about Scythians, and now I’m just fascinated that such an old culture essentially figured out a form of HRT centuries before modern medicine.

[@anphha]

Fun fact: Pregnant mare urine is still used in modern medicine, but nowadays the hormones are extracted and put into pills (Premarin).

[@allien9417]

if i hadn’t been so worried about my family and becoming a complete outcast i wouldn’t’ve gone through multiple repression cycles and could’ve at least accepted myself years ago. advice like this would’ve been a life saver for little 12 year old me all those years ago

[@Grey_Wolf2]

Rn I am the 12 year old. Hopefully I'll come out soon, and start accepting myself more. This comment shows exactly how it can effect your future

[@webba0342]

That necklace is so pretty to look at So shiny

[@nor5673]

Thank you, this was really helpful. One thing I'm personally struggling with currently is figuring out if I want to medically transition in a relationship that might potentially break if I choose to do so. It just adds another layer to questioning if I want to transition, as if figuring that out isn't already hard enough. It's really difficult to find out you're trans and realize that it ends up affecting a lot more of your life than you initially expected, losing people being a big one ofc. But I really appreciated you saying that your wellbeing as a trans person and being true to yourself is, in the end, the most important thing, and will make you happier than forcing yourself to stay in a relationship or friendship. I will definitely have to think about that one for a while

[@malachorfives]

I'm in the same exact situation. if you don't mind me asking, have you made a decision?

[@nor5673]

​@@malachorfives hi, i don't mind you asking at all. i have actually broken up with this person since then due to a lot of other unrelated reasons but the fact that they didn't fully approve of my gender identity definitely also played into it. the break up was really hard but i'm much happier now that i don't have to hold back with my gender expression and can freely explore it without being worried about losing another person. i'm still not 100% sure if i want to medically transition (also bc it's not very accessible in my country and almost impossible for non-binary people) but i know i have time to figure it out without needing to compromise for my partner. if i can give you any advice, really weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. after my break up, i agree even more that your personal journey and developing your identity is much more important than any relationship. it's so integral to you as a person and you shouldn't have to compromise on it for anyone, even if it's someone you care about a lot. i wish you all the best, it's a very tough situation to be in :(

[@thatonesdani975]

I’m a 17-year-old non-binary person and this video gave me a lot of hope for when I inevitably come out! Thank you so much!! 💛🤍💜🖤

[@RatsPicklesandMusic]

Agenders unite!! I recently came out to my boyfriend and then in a public Facebook post. I made it like a not-a-deal but here's an explanation sort of thing, which is what I wanted. I'm expecting my family to basically ignore it. They already have decided to ignore me being atheist and being bisexual. So... This shouldn't be any different. 🙄

[@sagefaced]

I’m non-binary too and this vid did the same even tho I’m here in 2024 :]

[@thatonesdani975]

@@sagefaced Wow, I had forgotten all about this in all honesty!! I can tell you from these past 3 years, it does get better. I’m now out to my immediate family, I’m president of the queer club at my college campus, and I’m surrounded by people who love and support me. You can do this, and, no matter what, don’t let anyone take away your light. The people who matter will see you. 💛🤍💜🖤

[@Therealbuddh]

Sup non binary name is Jett

[@TheKingTheory]

Sending this to my trans masc husband who's just now starting this process. This couldn't have come at a better time, thank you. ❤️❤️

[@nateisawesome766]

I just came out as non-binary to my friend and she accepted me. I always felt extremely uncomfortable when I was a child in school whenever the teacher divided the class into the binary genders and I never understood why. I kept pretending to be a boy and thought that if I kept telling myself I was a boy that i wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. But no matter how many times I told myself I was a boy, I kept feeling as if I wasn't a boy. But now I'm too scared to ask people to use they/them because I'm afraid I'll become invalidated. I guess I have to keep pretending as if I'm ok with he/him in public because I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell the world yet.

[@DasOrangensaft.]

All the best to you.

[@majorlycunningham5439]

Your advice is line with what the Trevor Project suggests. I came out to my family by writing a letter. It was best option available to me. It ended out being ok in the end. My family isn’t happy about it, but I shrug it off since I can’t make everyone happy and it’s not my job to anyway.

[@lynxlynx6685]

I came out to a lot of long time friends during two of theirs wedding (doing it face to face in 2020). One of them replied with something similar to: You have always been that (nb), right? Not as a question but as a statement! It made me soo happy!!

[@phoebegee54]

Aw, sounds like they got the right idea!

[@ArielVHarloff]

My ex partner accused me of pretending to be trans in order to have an excuse to break up with him ... That was fun ... At least all my other coming outs so far went ok. I also socially transitioned when I started college without telling anyone in my family for another year and a half so I had a lot of practice explaining stuff to people by that time.

[@Hellhound_Luz]

How did that approach go? I'm thinking of socially transitioning when I go to college before telling my family since I'm nonbinary and they don't believe it exists

[@ArielVHarloff]

@@Hellhound_Luz it worked really well for me. Nobody knew me there so I got to try out my chosen name and pronouns and saying "I'm trans" out loud without having to worry about anyone who matters changing their opinion of me. It also meant I had a space to go to where people knew me as the gender I am which made being misgendered in other contexts more bearable. So yeah I'd recommend trying it if it seems like an option for you 😊

[@SCruz-wi3wd]

I’ve lived four years in my house in the closet and I’m really tired of it. I’m trans(genderqueer) and panromantic, I wanna come out so bad!! But my parents are religiously homophobic, and there’s no hope there. Currently I’m fighting the urge to come out and promptly leave, I’m eighteen, and I’m tired of being here as someone I’m not. But at the same time I know it’s not a smart idea even tho I have friends whose doors are open for me. Inside me there are two wolves. btw im open to advice^^

[@Miss_Lexisaurus]

You always have such amazing advice, I'm sending this to a few of my friends who have been figuring themselves out lately and might want to come out to people other than me. Also the horse piss for tiddies example was both incredibly powerful and hilarious the way you phrased it!

[@Departure-yz7ok]

About that first part (around 2:05)... Don't lose hope. When I told my family I wasn't the gender they thought I was, they wanted to send me off to a mental institution. Fast forward ten years, they're using my pronouns Also, back then I went to school and I was bullied every day by both teachers and students. Now I go to college and nobody, absolutely nobody, ever comments on my looks

[@cianhanson1595]

This was perfectly timed - I was just trying to figure out how to come out as trans/non-binary to my friends now that lockdown has been lifted and we might be allowed back in the office soon. I always appreciate your calm way of saying things without sugar coating it too much, thank you

[@marianar2948]

best of luck! I hope it all goes down well!

[@Threnody42]

Great tips. It is such a tough thing to do, but like you said, we do get practice at it whether we want to or not! My strategy is usually to accidentally say things that out myself and then follow it up later! Not ideal for coming out to my spouse, but worked fine for my coworkers!

[@joycelinlgbtq]

Very true about the point that coming out never really stops. As we meet & interact with new people (friends, colleagues, lovers) we come out again & again. And it does get easier. Im now way more comfortable asking that people use they/them pronouns for me than i was two years ago before i started my current job.

[@ChristianCatboy]

Thanks for mentioning the Scythians. I was an intensely queer-phobic Conservative Evangelical for 30 years before coming out to myself, and it actually helped me process the idea to find that the Scythians are mentioned in the New Testament as a particularly "barbarous" heathen tribe, whose culture has now been blessed and accepted by God (Col 3:11). That passage is closely parallel to another one that explicitly says "there is no male and female" (Gal 3:28), so that really hit home to me that Paul may have been obliquely referring to the "scandalous" reputation of the Scythians among the hypo-patriarchal Greeks, for socially recognizing female warriors and trans-femme eunuchs. Anyway... that broke through some of my mental block, as a Bible-thumper.

[@Lol-cq9eu]

I knew I was trans when I was 13. I’m 17 now and I’ve still yet to come out 🙃

[@hopebgood]

Do you know about this trans channel? I'm just plain ol' gay but I've been subbed to this guy for years. kzbin.info/www/bejne/n6mleaqLZ56hptE

[@theschachter9816]

This video is coming out at a particularly relevant time for me; I'm working on how to come out to a group of close friends and to my mother before my birthday next week. I've already come out to a few other people before so I have support, but... it's still really difficult. I was writing a letter to that group of friends and realized that, really... I'd been writing it to one of them in particular who I'm most worried will not understand. Part of me wants to send it to all of them in a "fire and forget" kind of way, but I realize that's the anxiety speaking. As for my mother... I still really don't know. But I don't think I can handle another birthday pretending to be who I'm not, forcing myself to smile at receiving birthday wishes for someone who isn't really me. I'm an adult, so I'm not worried about my safety, but... I still really want to do it right. I have support from my father and friends who already know, and it's helping a lot, but it's still stressful to the point of being disruptive. Sorry for the rambling, I do want to say I really appreciate the video and a lot of the tips ring true to the times I previously came out. I guess the one thing I feel compelled to add is with regards to people with conspiratorial tendencies: In my experience, people who fall in that category tend to have heavily reactionary views, even if they're not overt about all of them, and, I don't know how likely historical facts like the one you quoted (which was really interesting and awesome, btw!) are going to reach them. Conspiratorial thinking, as I understand it, works backwards from the conclusion(s) to arrive at (or more accurately, to select) its beliefs, so if a core part of their current worldview is... well, the kinds of things reactionaries believe about trans people, there may be no argument, story, fact, etc. which can lead them to a different conclusion; anything that doesn't agree with them can easily be dismissed in the same way any evidence contradicting their conspiracies (The media/science/government are being controlled and disseminating false info, etc.). I think people like that are those who I'd feel least safe coming out to, and I'd only do so if I felt very confident that I could reach them on a human/emotional level that might bypass their usual way of processing information. To be clear, I'm no expert on the topic; I'm speaking mainly from experience having had to deal with a couple different past co-workers who were heavily into conspiracy theories, which got me to do some reading on conspiratorial thinking years ago (and admittedly with Dan Olson/Folding Ideas' In Search of a Flat Earth essay still fresh on my mind). If anyone has experience that contradict this or more reliable/ accurate info on the topic, I'd love to hear about it. Anyway, just wanted to throw that out there. Thanks for doing what you do!

[@leetrumbull3222]

Hey Lux, super interesting about that historical example of people who definitely were going through great lengths to essentially medically transition. I think showing that trans and nb people aren't just something from the past 100 years or so is really valuable. My only caution with that story is that it can get dangerously close to arguments demeaning trans people for "harming" their bodies, or likening transition to something "gross". The only other historical trans/ish person I can think of is the Public Universal Friend. There's gotta be lists or books of people throughout history who were likely trans or nb.

[@idasvenning3892]

I will check this but I think Abby Cox (who mostly does dress history stuff here on YT) has a video on an intersex non-binary person in 18th century USA (or maybe it was still the colonies at the time?). If I remember correctly they called themself Thomasine and switched between using masculine and feminine clothing. The reason we know anything about them is because they were sadly sent to court over it but it’s a fascinating story, and it’s very reassuring, as a 21st century non-binary person, that this generation is not alone in identifying outside the binary.

[@leetrumbull3222]

@@idasvenning3892 That's really cool. I did a quick search and didn't see a video mentioning nb or intersex and 18th century. Sucks that they weren't accepted by that. I found out about the Public Universal Friend through the Queersplaining podcast by Callie Wright, and I highly recommend it.

[@idasvenning3892]

@@leetrumbull3222 yeah it seems like I imagined that video but The Welsh Viking has a video on intersex people through history and mentions Thomas(ine) Hall briefly there. (And I’m sure about that because I just watched it lol) Thinking about it, it’s more likely that I read an article about their life and got so vivid pictures in my head that I thought of it as a video or smth hahah

[@idasvenning3892]

@@leetrumbull3222 literally read the rest of your comment now 😂 but I’ve heard a little bit about the Public Universal Friend and will definitely look up that podcast!

[@proserpine3332]

Yeah I agree, and tbh like I wouldn’t even frame it as so “drastic” or gross. Like. My ancestors routinely sacrificed human beings. Many cultures engaged in child abuse (ancient Greeks 👀) as a “normal”every day culture practice. People across the globe to this day eat the stomachs, livers, testicles, eyeballs and intestines of animals. Compared to all that, drinking horse urine doesn’t sound so crazy. Im a vegan but, humans as a whole really just be ingesting anything and everything.

[@NeilBraun]

I stopped the video at 1:23 to say that you are friggin brilliant. Holy cow....

[@DJMightyChip]

I've just been acting like I already came out rather than doing so... I should.... probably take a few steps back and properly tell people what's going on with me. This is going to be super useful. Thanks for posting this.

[@limanino]

Seriously, thank you so much for having this channel. Also I love the way you think and how reasonable and polite you are.

[@marianar2948]

To everyone who's considering coming out: Kudos to you! Whether you're able to realize it in the near future or later, be proud of being brave enough to prioritize yourself. That's already a major step! Like Luxander said, be cautious.... your safety is the most important thing. Once you can have that guaranteed, I hope you're met with love and affection! To everyone who is afraid to come out and might even feel suspicious about doing so: that's ok too, it's understandable if you don't want to do it. Maybe it's fear driving you or maybe you really don't feel the urge to come out. Either way, take your time and assume whatever is most comfortable for you! You don't need to justify your path. It's already a win for us all that you're here doing whatever you want! A big hug to you all 💛

[@kshaksbsjspsbso-je7iw]

I’m a 13 year old trans dude and I have supportive parents family and friends and I’m still scared to come out but I’ve decided to today and Im just gonna say this comment made me tear up because someone understands how I feel thank you!

[@trickord1877]

this video came at the perfect time for me, thank you. the tips on asking them about trans public figures is such a good idea since i have no idea if my parents are really transphobic or not. but one of the first things they did when i came out as bi to them last year was to question if i was really bi, so i feel like im going to need all the preparation i can get when i tell them about my gender stuff.

[@mikakauro6446]

Dear Luxander, thanks for this video. Ideally appreciate your content and your thoughts on different topics. This video was so helpful, because I think a lot about coming out as nonbinary-trans at the moment and I will really try out some of your suggestions.

[@heywhatup9657]

i’ve gotten myself into a dumb position where i’ve been transitioning for over 2 years now and am socially transitioned everywhere but work. I’ve started coming out to people over the last month and i’m gonna fully transition soon i think. it’s just gotten to the point where it’s confusing for me, and changing my voice back and forth is hindering my progress. I know i gotta do it but it’s just hard :/ that’s all, just spilling my thoughts i guess :p. thanks for wishing me an ok day, i hope you have one too :D

[@Noooooooo-n8i]

So at September I came out to my mom as transmasc, she said she understood me but she said she'll call me a guy when I'm finally 18, and that's probably because my dad is religiously homophobic so but she calls me a he in private and kept it a secret!! For my dad? I didn't come out but he said that my sister who is bisexual was a bad influence to me but I found lgbtq before she found out she was bi 😭😭... And plus he's religiously homophobic I am so glad my mom supports me, I hope other people's parents support them too

[@amandaparker93]

I've been suppressing my identity for so long and your advice has helped me so much. I'm a new subscriber c:

[@jagodagorniak4143]

I've been out to my friends as a nonbinary lesbian for a while now - I'm hoping to tell my mom about my gender identity soon so she can address me with he/him pronouns and understand me better!! I'll edit this comment when I work up the courage :)

[@keegs53]

Good luck!

[@iloveshuichisaihara2332]

Good luck ! :D

[@DJMightyChip]

Good luck! I hope you find the courage... but I also hope you don't rush yourself. When the time is right, that courage will be there waiting for you.

[@cacamilis8477]

May the road rise with you!

[@sarahcivilization9905]

22:29 why did I think of when you're playing a game and enter the boss fight without talking to any of the npcs 😭

[@moshemordechaivanzuiden]

I often have something to correct and almost always something to add but not to what you said here. Perfection.

[@kleapilled]

I am 18 years old now, and I’m thinking about moving out in a year or two. I’ll come out to my mom then, if at all. I just don’t know how to explain being nonbinary to my mom. Edit: I’m out to my mom now and, I’m a trans girl not nb!!

[@danidavis1369]

Thank you for this video. I've been struggling to decide how to come out to my parents for a few months now and this was helpful. Of course there's only so much one can say about how to come out, but I value your thoughts/opinions and I'm happy you shared with us.

[@danidavis1369]

As a nonbinary person who identifies as trans (as I do) do you find it's best to include or leave out the trans part at first to make it easier for people to understand? I worry if I say I'm trans they will immediately assume I'm binary trans even though I say I'm nonbinary (this happened with a friend of mine).

[@gluestickgirlie]

I deadass just sent them an email last night and I couldn’t sleep and my freaking heart is racing

[@cacamilis8477]

How did it go? Hope you're good!

[@gluestickgirlie]

@@cacamilis8477 yes it went well, they call me lynn but don’t call me they/them and I’m too shy to correct them

[@cacamilis8477]

@@gluestickgirlie That's awesome! Step by step, Lynn. Proud of you, stranger on the internet :)

[@saskia316]

Thank you, Luxander. You are super smart and compassionate together, as well as just so nice!

[@KirbXen]

im not gay but i needed this

[@SwisSarmYGHoul]

I’m going to come out to my mom through a google slide presentation

[@d_lynn421]

I'm not planning to come out to my family bc we are not close and I know they won't be supportive so why put myself through that? They have no right to know what I look like naked so my physical transition is none of their business.

[@ashkerner9303]

I really needed this. Thank you for sharing this

[@just-a-forest-crow1183]

how do you work through figuring out that you are trans and it isn’t internalised misogyny? i struggle so much with that doubt, and alongside a few other things it has been keeping me from considering myself to be trans :,)

[@MusingMoss]

I guess my main thing was that I had examples of non- feminine women in my life, and I myself didn't feel any need to adhere to femininity or any expectations that typically go along with womanhood, and I still couldn't imagine inhabiting any version of womanhood that I could be comfortable with. Interestingly, I'm much more comfortable with being feminine now that I've totally embraced myself as trans. I imagine being in quarantine and away from sexism would help inform that, too

[@FrootLooooooop]

I’ve experienced gender dysphoria (ftm) in different shapes and forms off and on for years. I’m out with my thankfully supportive and majority queer friends, but I’m planning on coming out to my parents soon. I feel so lucky to have an awesome relationship with them, and not be the first trans man in my extended family even, but I’m still terrified of how they’ll react because I don’t want to lose them. Your video has really helped me in figuring out how to approach this though. I’ve written two or three drafts of the letter I plan to come out with, and I’m going to work on another. Thank you for the marvelous advice. Wish me luck 👍

[@DavidLindes]

Thanks. Nice video, Luxander. Appreciate it!

[@Cutcakes1993]

People who don't like Nathalie Wynn don't understand the concept of nuance.

[@consentclub8431]

oof

[@gentlerat]

Some people just don’t care for certain pundits. Some do. I don’t think it’s worthwhile to focus on people rather than issues.

[@oatwizard]

I've been in closet for 5 long years. One day I will come out 😔

[@Departure-yz7ok]

18:40 That makes a lot of sense, I see it like this too

[@expensivecrayon]

This is great advice. Thank you for making this

[@thecriticalone1783]

Something I learned sense coming out 2 months ago. Queer history is waaaay more interesting than cis/het history.

[@cacamilis8477]

As a historian with a bachelor I don't think it's more interesting. However, Lgbtq+ history is very scarce and has been suppressed or not recorded, which makes it incredibly interesting because of that. I want to do my masters on bisexuality in medieval europe.

[@barkinboyy]

Thank you SO much!!

[@hollyturner4186]

This is such good advice. I wanted to come out to a friend as nonbinary a couple of months ago, but I was worried he would react badly. I first asked him (via message) what his opinions are on nonbinary identities. I was very glad I asked. We're not friends any more. But my two other very close friends are amazingly supportive, and my family are cool about it too.

[@nabilk46]

youre the best luxander, idk if you ever meant this but youre really helping me to try and be the best allie i can be to my trans brothers and sisters. iv only known a hand full of trans people personally, the internet is wonderful that i can learn about be better by listening to you.

[@harrymorris8219]

I've thought about this recently, and for one reason I haven't done this. My grandparents. I feel that even if I were to come out to my parents now, it's going to be really awkward with my grandparents. They are the type of people to overexaggerate even the smallest things. If I were to come out trans to my grandparents too, which starts with me coming out to my parents, I can't imagine how they will be. I wouldn't be able to get a break. I have given hints to my parents, especially my sister, but at the point which I'm at right now, I don't think I can do it, even though I have already came out to others, such as friends.

[@katjaskulic7400]

Me: abt to come out as non binary My dad: people are always coming out. Like jeez i could identify as a zeebra Me: well nevermind then

[@summonedhasbeen1478]

ty for making this video. I've been preparing to come out for a long time and your video is going to really help me once I feel I'm ready.

[@simonfraser3332]

so i outed my self to my my and her friends a few months ago,(i didn't want to come out but the topic came up and she her friend asked me and i didn't want to lie) and it went not awful! my mothers friend was really understanding and curious but my mom... she literally just went "nuh-uh" and left the table. it hasn't really come up at all since them but essentially my mom has decided I'm not trans, she's like "as your mother i know you better then any one and i can tell you're a man" i want to start using a different name and get on hormones, but idk she wont even ues my pronouns at all :\

[@Bobashasaurus]

I'm coming out as GenderQueer to the Employee Service Rep at work today 🤞😬🤞

[@oanimationiscool]

It made me smile on the one "things can go badly"

[@rikki635]

Jeez you really called me out here. I'm delaying coming out as nonbinary to my parents until I'm fully decided on pronouns and whether I want to change my name. I want something more gender neutral but my first and middle name are my maternal and paternal grandmothers' names so I feel like my parents will be hurt if I tell them I don't want to be called that anymore. I dont think they'll care too much about the gender or pronouns part, but the name is going to be an issue

[@NBghostie]

Hi there. I’m sorry to hear about your family situation, that sounds like a hard place to be when your names are connected to family and their emotions. I just wanted to reply because your situation sounded a little bit similar to mine. I also initially wanted to wait to come out as NB until I had decided on my new name, but I realized it was such a big and important decision that is was taking too long, and coming out felt like it was getting more and more urgent, but the name was holding me back. Eventually I just decided to convert my birth name to a more neutral/androgynous version of it just as a temporary measure even though it isn’t what I wanted to go by in the long run, and planned to change it later when I find the name I really want. I felt like it was the right decision for me, it enabled me to come out already, which felt a lot better, plus I felt like it was a good stepping stone for my parents away from my birth name. But that’s just my situation, and it may not work for you, but I just wanted to share that option, that it’s ok to change your name more than once. It’s a process, and feel free to do it however you need. Anyway, sorry for the long comment, just wanted to encourage you. Please stay safe and best of luck friend. -from a fellow NB person

[@rikki635]

​@@NBghostie Thank you for your comment, I appreciate hearing from someone who's been through the process. I've thought about doing something similar but tbh my nana went by Pat as well so it just feels like an old lady name to me lol. I've also been waiting a while and it feels like I'm keeping it from them at this point which also feels yucky. I might just tell them i'm nonbinary and that I'm using they/them (or they/she, still figuring that one out) and save the name thing for later. Thank you again! Wishing you the best :)

[@NBghostie]

@@rikki635 No problem! It’s hard that there isn’t always a perfect solution, but we do our best. One other thing I wanted to mention but my comment was getting way too long was that I was lucky to be able to tell my parents that I wasn’t sticking with this new name, and I still wanted to change it again in the future. I even encouraged them to help me think of one or suggest one if they came up with anything. Not sure if you can involve your parents in the process (and you definitely don’t have to take their suggestions either), but it helped me feel better about coming out when I told them from the get-go I wasn’t keeping this name. Anyway, go easy on yourself and do whatever you need to do for your health and safety. Wishing you all the best once more. Have a great rest of your day :)

[@breakingboardrooms1778]

If you do want to change your name, you can definitely masculinize or neuter it. If it were me, I'd call myself Patric/k, Padraig, Patricio, or similar, but you could also call yourself Ric, Ricci, Patrice, Patries (that one's cool), and there are a lot more cool neuter versions of Patrick that you could honor your grandmother with. Also, your grandmother is not your only relative. Maybe you could pick something for one of them. Also, remember, at the end of the day, it's your name and your choice. You could choose an entirely separate name. If your parents are good parents, they will love you as you are.

[@xxxGreenNinjaxxx]

I am in the exact same spot, my middle name is my dad's mom's and my first is my mom's mom's. For me personally, if you feel as though you want to stay in the same vein, maybe you could look at names with the same meaning or the masculine/gender neutral versions of your name. For me I would like to change my first name but keep Rose, my middle, because I always liked that name and felt more connected to it than my first. At the end of the day it's your name and it's your choice.💕 good luck😊

[@HeathenGranny]

I am a trans person and I dont care about acceptance all I care about is being me.

[@ettathewriter5328]

I really appreciate this. It’s cool to just be gathering info during the process even if a single video doesn’t launch me into the next step. Also I didn’t want to reply to your Twitter because the people who I am thinking about coming out to are the ones following me and it would have ruined the tips you gave for them to have just figured it out from that alone 😩

[@frogsjustfrogs1389]

My parents have outright told me that they are not transphobic but I’m still a bit worried

[@Finn-hq8wd]

Thanks, this video is really comforting

[@limanino]

These are great advice, thank you! I was thinking about coming out to all my 5 favorite university friends at once. Now I might tell one at the time hahahhaha

[@Shizen_Mori]

I want to come out as nonbi, i told them but havnt transitioned yet, they told me itd be difficult for me to just go by a different name, FOR THEM, Thak you so much

[@seir323]

Thank you for this vid - I've been having gender feels (always in the spring?) and been thinking about being more open about my identity - I've mentioned it before, but I don't feel like people get it, or take it seriously, if that makes sense. But it was particularly heartening to hear that you have a mostly cis-het male partner, that accepted you and worked through things with you, as I have the same kind of partner. Since the beginning, I've been open about questioning my gender, but certain aspects have made him uncomfortable (packers and penis shit making him feel ways about his own genitalia) while other things have been positive, like assuring me transition wouldn't remind him of bad people earlier in his life. I'm still nervous about everything, but hearing your success gives me hope that we can weather through things. We've been together 5 years, so hearing you've been with your partner 11 makes me really happy for you, and hopeful for myself ^_^

[@randombowlofoatmeal1523]

Just came out as nonbinary a few weeks ago to my friends and partner 🥳. They took it well, still need to come out to family. They’re accepting of me being omnisexual, very much actually. But NB, i wonder...

[@nicothenecromancer]

Not me just now finding out you use ey/em pronouns. I probably just didn't notice and you've been using it for ages, face palming right now.

[@transsexual_computer_faery]

it's weird how so far, only in english are there more than 3 pronouns, in other languages people don't seem to invent new pronouns as frequent as in english.

[@nicothenecromancer]

@@transsexual_computer_faery I wouldn't say it's weird I think it's cool honestly, just means there are more options.

[@brigid6378]

@@transsexual_computer_faery Third person gendered pronouns are kind of a distinct feature of English that it doesn't share with many other languages.

[@just-a-forest-crow1183]

@@transsexual_computer_faery the way pronouns exist in languages is very interesting, especially the way they’ve evolved in english :)

[@joycelinlgbtq]

@@just-a-forest-crow1183 i made a video a while back about how other languages handle gendered pronouns. Its still really fascinating & great how some have now adapted to include non-binary identities (And how some never needed to)

[@Charliei5195]

Coming out couple of year my parents thansphopia i can't say my parents i am trans ftm this year i am turning 29 i am so stuffed painful life how to transition😢😢

[@mybodymychoice6557]

I'm sidetracking a bit, but damn, the things trans/NB pepole had to do for HRT...wow. I'm thankfully past the "dependent on parents" stage, but thanks, this also helps for those of us not as young. :)

[@MalwareAnalysisForHedgehogs]

Hi. I just found you because of your videos on Natalie. Thank you! Your videos are great! Regarding conspiracy theorists: People believe in conspiracies because these are tools to deal with their fears. The theories explain things and put meaning on things that would otherwise be overwhelming and not understandable. So indeed, using scientific arguments doesn't help. But you can get to them with your emotions if you have a somewhat good relationship with them. They will change their theories in a way that fits their needs. These theories are not fixed, they are just tools do deal with emotions, especially fear. These peopel can probably relate to your personal feelings more than to any abstract arguments, science or historic events. This is also one reason why testing the waters by asking about opinions on famous trans people will not say much about their future support. People react quite differently to their family and friends than they do about strangers; oftentimes they adapt their opinions if it's someone they love. Many people who trash talked about trans people before I came out to them are now my biggest supporters. On the contrary, I have some people who claimed to be very supportive but couldn't deal well with me being trans. With that said: It's still a good conversation starter for coming out because it prepares the others for topic. If they are reacting not so well, you can decide to not do it yet, but keep coming up with the topic. They will eventually realize that this is somewhat important to you and might be better prepared emotionally. The big risk with this approach is that it might create a toll on you if they don't react that great; and you might decide to stall coming out for longer than you like.

[@serendip1ty_]

Hey pretty young and i think im a trans guy im gonna tell my mom tomorrow. I told her i was a lesbian a couple months ago and she was fine with it so i think she will react pretty well

[@eggnog_ish]

I’m a first year in high school and I have no idea how to tell my parents I’m a guy, my mom won’t even let me cut my hair past my chin 😔

[@NBghostie]

Thank you for this. Like all your videos, it was really helpful ♥️

[@floradavis189]

Thank you so much for this video! It was super helpful :)

[@shecklesmack9563]

Even though I'm an adult on my own I probably will never tell my family. They are super traditional and religious conservative. Oh well, sometimes we are dealt crappy cards in life..

[@jamietherelentless2670]

Whoops I did come out on my birthday... But it wasn't at a party, is was the end of the day and it was just my parents and sibling (who already knew).

[@danawinter9516]

Perfect timing as I have not come out about my gender or my sexuality to a few key family members and am weighing different options before I present my final project in front of people who mostly all know me as queer and agender. Good to think about. Thank you 💜

[@pinusniron8935]

I love your video,so much Great tips👍👍👍

[@ToadOnTheToadStool]

I have been questioning my gender for around a year and have found out that I am agender, my parents already know that i am pansexual and dont really believe me, they think it is "just a phase" as i am only 12, i know they wont really care about whether im nonbinary or not but they also wont really beilve me. I am unsure on how to even address my gender. (I mainly just want to tell them so i can buy nonbinary pride stuff.) I have told my friends whitch resolted in them saying they were also nonbinary. So i have supporters, how do i adress it with my parents?

[@MusingMoss]

If it makes it easier, you could say you want to get the nonbinary swag to support one of your friends. You still have plenty of time to experiment and grow into yourself, so don't sweat it too much

[@awa_de_uwu__-]

In my school, we had a teacher that was a daughter of a bich. One day, in the computer session, we had a test of what we thought it was okay for men and women. At the beginning of the page, it said if you were a BOY or a GIRL. A guy in my class said "¿y si fuera niñe?" Wich translates to "and if it was they?" The teacher said like what are you talking about, she's gonna pick girl and he's gonna pick boy, pointing at me. All of this in spanish, it was on Spain. I was totally pissed off. I didn't say anithing to not get in trouble, but I was exhaling anger from my ass. I live in a city that makes border with Morocco, so a lot of muslims come here to live better, and they bring religion, that not allows nothing of that. I'm not muslim btw Thanks for reading

[@NarwhalAcademy]

When you come out to your mom (as a late twenty something adult) and tell your mom you need to be the one to tell other people and that it’s not her thing to tell and she outs you anyway 😒 I don’t know how many people she told because I haven’t had all the conversations I need to but more than one have told me they knew thanks to her (she’s also not supportive and I hate that her perspective is filtering my process)… it is what it is… though it makes me wish I’d waited til a family gathering if so many were going to get her filter anyway.

[@CarlosVargasSpiralyal]

Found your KZbin. Subscribed it because you are doing a very good job with the themes on your videos. Best regards from Lisbon, Portugal 🇵🇹 HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🌈

[@kazultiz]

My mother isn't transphobic I think because I asked her what she thinks about trans women/ men at the olympics and she said they could decide if they want to be in the girls/ boys team or not and I'm pretty sure transphobic people wouldn't have said something like that. But agender is still different and I am still not sure. And I don't know when the right time is because I piss her off really often because of my little mistakes I always make..

[@helenalovelock1030]

Do you have any videos on how to be the best parent possible when an adult child comes out? What not to say and what to say from a trans person perspective

[@bjarnhedur]

If you want to be supportive when one of your children come out, listen to them and do your best to understand where they’re coming from. And, if you have questions that you feel might be inappropriate or invasive, you should ask them if they’re comfortable answering. Almost all the pointers for being an ally can also be used generally in day to day life, in the way that there’s not much exclusive advice I could give for trans children specifically. But, if I had to leave you with a few bits of advice, those would be: listen to them, and understand where they’re coming from. Do your best to use their new name and pronouns if they have any. If they need help from you to medically transition, do what you can to be there for them (for example, obtaining a prescription for testosterone or oestrogen. It can be very difficult alone). Also, letting them vent their frustrations or letting them go to you for acceptance is a huge help. Being an ally is one thing, being supportive and helpful is another

[@Ashiscool0720]

Is anyone else wondering about the people that drank urine to get estrogen? I want to know if drinking someone's urine actually works.

[@MusingMoss]

They would specifically drink the urine of pregnant horses and it seemed to be fairly efficacious

[@MikkiPike]

12:21 **smacks lips** worth it 🍻

[@But_Why_Tho]

thanks, i was gonna come out when i turn 14 by playing cavetown but i do think it would be smarter to write a letter lol

[@kirstenjackson2172]

I just want to mention that sometimes your family can be transphobic and homophobic without you necessarily being at risk of being disowned in any capacity. I know such is the case for me bc my fam are evangelical christians for the most part, but I am highly highly confident that they would never abandon me for my gender or sexuality. The worst they would do is just think it's a phase or I'll get over it or being nonbinary isn't a real thing. However, at the end of the day it's true that I don't fully know how they would react bc people can always surprise you, I just don't see them throwing our relationship away for something so trivial.

[@paddy404]

I am actually watching this cause im scared that my mum is gonna downplay it as me "Tryna be trendy" and just keep misgendering me out of spite (she did that with me coming out as pan....i have a lover now but i still call them my boyfriend cause my mum will be upset they arent male nor are they female...) ive been tryna find ways to come out to my family that im agender and i am actually atempting with my ocs that i share with an aunt (bunny is agender and my aunt is the one i trust cause she made a non binary character in her book) im 17 soon and ive felt the lack of a gender since i was 6 and ive felt dysphoria since i was nine. This helps a bit on what to expect and Thank you for that ^^

[@jakovitchind.7641]

what if I'm in a goofy ahh mormon town in the middle of idaho lol

[@kvyr.veliky]

Also if you need to come out to a group of people, singeling out the ones, that will be supportive beforehand so they can be the first to react when you tell everyone kind of works, nobody wants to be that one asshole so peer pressure can help. Also compliment sandwitches! At least this is what worked for me.

[@jamiemoffa2919]

If you work somewhere where communication frequently happens via email, putting pronouns in your email signature can be a good way to subtly let a lot of people know without having to come out to all of them in person. Of course, same caveats apply about if you're in a generally conservative work environment where people might not react well. I've done this at my work at a large academic institution, and people have responded really well! Some people even correct themselves or others on my pronouns without me having ever talked to them about it in person!

[@notsonegative1736]

How to come out to your traditional Hispanic family?!?! Please I need answers I need someone who's experienced this and lived