Are you teaching your child about Non-Binary identities?

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

👒🔍 Download June’s Journey for free now using my link: woo.ga/q4nj5ncs

[@WinoaKaronhiatens]

You'd be surprised but regardless the word didn't exist til the 90s 2 Spirited existed even before colonialism in the west just like non-binary didn't exist as s word til modernly either. Still existed before the label. I wouldn't mind being called they and them as a trans woman when it's used however that's difference then an intentional avoidance to she / her pronouns. I did read an article by the author of whipping girl which explained the attack on feminity but not masculinity and thr attemot to erase feminity but feminity had important roles and that we should focus on traditional feminism instead of cultural feminism. To look for getting woman a pay check instead removing feminine expression. Furthermore every gender is stereotype including non-binary even without attemps to do so cis or trans. In terms there is nothing wrong with gender regardless that it is and inescapable. The erasure of choice of gender expression is just wrong.

[@catebrooks6779]

My progeny, at age seven, started thinking and saying they were NB. I started using they/them pronouns with them but they also are ok with she... They are uncertain about id, but told me today (again but they told me before they were ace) they are bi. I told them (again) I'm either poly or... Something else and feel more comfy with "bi" as so many don't GET poly etc.

[@quiestinliteris]

Fun fact! The word "scientist" exists specifically to be gender-inclusive; previously, practitioners were referred to as "men of science," but nobody thought "women of science" or "people of science" had the same ring. Literally, the word "scientist" was coined because women were getting into botany and entomology, and there was no concise way to talk about them.

[@itchy7879]

That is a very fun fact

[@radyperry]

I believe theres a similar story about the term suffragettes. I think it was coined to mock the women wanting suffrage because the term sounded funny and silly to them. It's sort of like "oh, you want to be a politicianess?" and then it catching on and becoming iconic

[@flyfamille5671]

I learn so much in a fun way in this part of the comment sections, just bumping it out to serve the algorithm thing.

[@talscorner3696]

​@@radyperry appropriation of derogatory terms is a fairly common thing with human beings. Catullus and his colleagues were called "Poetae Novi" by their contemporaries and went "Aight, fuck it, if they call us that, might as well own it!", and so did the decadentist movement in the XIXth century. These are just the two examples that I could think of off the top of my head, but far from the only ones!

[@HoepRemains]

​@@talscorner3696I believe 'reclamation' is a more apt term here than 'appropriation' 😊

[@judebrown4103]

The most beautiful thing that happened to me was a few years ago when a neighbour's child greeted me with: "hello ladyman" and a lovely smile.

[@elspethfougere9683]

Omg 😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 this made my day! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@zhenia2511]

I once tried to explain that I'm non-binary to my younger sister, prepared myself for a lot of explaining. After my five minute-long prelude she just said: "So you're non-binary?". Damn, the power of the Internet.

[@mygoldenwitch]

Love this. Back when I was still trying to figure a bunch of stuff out (pan ace enby), there were WAY less resources to help me with that. I was lucky to know asexuality even existed when I was still pretty young because I so happened to have a friend who was ace. Yet now there's so much more awareness and info on these things, and it's so helpful for people who know they don't quite fit into the regular mold but don't know where else, if anywhere, they fit either. It's wonderful they can inform themselves and get a sense of who they are so much earlier in life. Of course this also leads to The Straights (not to be confused with straight people) complaining about 'kids and their genders', but they always find something to complain about regarding our existence anyway. Could never hope to outweigh the beauty of said 'kids' (which they rarely are) knowing they're not alone and *demanding* the space to exist. Shine on, lovely queer younglings

[@superdrwholock]

I love stuff like that, I did a similar thing as a binary trans person with my grandma, expected her to be like wtf is that but she got it straight away

[@Kagomai15]

A 70+ woman responded to me explaining my relationship with attraction at 19 with, "oh so you're asexual?" And I was so touched.

[@TheSnowdogsShorts]

Hold on tight, this is a long one. I am a Boomer, and I grew up being taught that there are only two genders, and the term non-binary did not even exist back then. I was amab, and when I was in my early twenties, I realised that I was different from other men. I thought about it a lot, and decided to describe myself as, "a man with a very strong feminine side, of which I am very proud." My Dad had raised me to treat every person as an individual. I went on to do the same with my daughter. One day, my daughter told me that she was trans. I was very happy that she could live as her true self. We are very close. I had thought a lot about myself, and didn't feel cis, but I didn't know who I was. I eventually came across the term non-binary, and realised that is who I am. I announced to my friends about this. I wouldn't call it coming out as such, as I had always been open about both my femininity and masculinity, I just didn't have the words to describe myself accurately before that time. The interesting thing was the response I received from fellow Boomers, and Gen Xers. They were all supportive, however, many said they didn't understand what non-binary is. I had the advantage that I could explain things in their language, as I was raised the same way as they were. The other advantage I have, is that they can't pull the "I'm older than you" card, this means they actually listen to me. The first thing, I explain, is that sex and gender are different things. This is mind-blowing for many people from my generation, I know it was for me when I learnt that. One criticism that younger people aim at older people is, "they can just look it up on the internet, so they should understand." This doesn't take into account that many people of my generation were in their 30s or 40s before they experienced the internet for the first time. I have had people my age, tell me that they have actually researched what non-binary is, but that they do not understand what is being said. This is because language is used that they have never learnt. Language has changed a lot since I was young. I have found that when I explain what non-binary in Boomer language, they get it easily. One problem that many older people have, is that they are worried about offending others, and then when they screw up, and someone comes down on them hard, they then become defensive, and in turn this can become aggressive behaviour. This is not an excuse for bad behaviour, but it is a reason. Also, of course, some older people are just not very nice. I do not expect younger people to be able to explain what non-binary is, to older people, the language that they both use is so very different, and this can cause a lot of frustration and misunderstandings, for both. One thing that I find many people do not understand, regardless of age, is that they think all non-binary people use they/them pronouns, I'm looking at you video games. :P I personally accept all pronouns. I present mostly male, but internally, and verbally, I am more female. Just about every pronoun covers a part of who I am, which is why I accept them all. I find people, who do not know me, will often assume that I am male. I'm ok with this, as that is how I present. But when I talk, especially to cis women, they will sometimes refer to me by female pronouns, without even thinking about it. I have had cis women, who were not aware that I was non-binary, say to me, "I forgot that you were a man." I feel euphoric when this happens, as they have seen who I am without being told. My girlfriend, who is bi, said to me recently, that I am the Princess in our relationship, I felt so understood and supported by this. She totally gets me. She tells me that I am everything that she loves about men and women, all wrapped up in one person. She is amazing!

[@Amoechick]

As someone who is nonbinary and interested in working with elderly folks in my upcoming career… how DOES one explain nonbinary in language that seems to be more accessible to those of the boomer generation?

[@ashleyboots3386]

I loved reading this, and am so happy you shared your journey! My partner is agender, any/all pronouns, but is "classically handsome" (strong Germanic features, hirsute, basically looks like the scruffier cousin of Faramir and Borimir from the Lord of the Rings movies). I will often intentionally switch up his pronouns when talking to someone about her, because it helps them feel seen and celebrated. I'll also tell xem that he is both pretty and handsome, and the sheer happiness in their face makes me so, so happy to see. Keep living your best life, and congrats to your child for doing the same!! ❤

[@TheSnowdogsShorts]

@@Amoechick I use terms, that are not necessarily seen as accurate by younger people, who generally understand non-binary much better. But, however, explains things so that they make sense to older people. Which then gives them a platform to start from. I tell them: Sex and gender are different things these days, and that it is different from what we were taught, and grew up believing. Basically, sex is your body, while gender is who you are on the inside. I know this greatly simplifies things, but this makes sense to many older people. Often questions I get are, similar to, "so like a Tomboy?'" "Yeah, a bit like that." I explain that it can be a bit like feeling like a man and a woman on the inside at the same time, but it can also be, feeling like neither. "So, a bit like a bisexual, but with gender instead?" "Yes, a bit like that. It is a kind of spectrum." I avoid being too precise, I avoid jargon as much as possible. I encourage questions, and praise them for asking them. I keep it as simple as possible. These days, preschoolers often have a better level of understanding of non-binary, than most Boomers do. So when we explain what it is, it helps to remember this. A lot of them worry so much about getting pronouns right, they are very frightened about messing it up. I tell them that as long as they are trying, most people will be okay. I also tell them that I sometimes miss gender myself. It is one of the problems of being older, we get our words muddled. I am 60, and homosexuality was still illegal in the UK when I was a small child. I don't say this as a defence for bad behaviour by older people, but just to show how little they were aware of LGBTA+ in their upbringing. The way that we are raised affects our long term world view so much. I hope I have helped at least a little.

[@TheSnowdogsShorts]

@@ashleyboots3386 I love how you describe your partner. You both sound awesome!

[@silasreed1]

Thank you for sharing! I’m a younger non-binary person (20), and I love hearing personal stories from folks from older generations. Wishing you all the best!

[@rishtopia]

WE EXIST????? DIDNT EVEN NOTICE!!!!

[@Ilovecats-yk8mz]

Yeah me either

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

You do and you are valid! 💛🤍💜🖤

[@rishtopia]

​@jessicaoutofthecloset Thank you so incredibly much Ma'am

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

​@@jessicaoutofthecloset * waves in disabled agender * from Finland (it took me close to 60 years to realize & find a suitable word for my lack of gender, but better later than never!) Love your channel ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤

[@shark_girl]

Yeah, your a figment of our imagination.

[@curiousfirely]

As someone who falls under the 'butch' end of female, I am absolutely happy to take some heat off my trans and non-binary friends. I will happily engage and educate folks who ask if I'm a girl or a boy. My favourite answer is 'why does it matter?'

[@BBRAIN1977]

Why would people care what you are ?

[@chaosandbiscuits]

I’m transmasc non-binary, and sometimes when I’m asked if I’m a girl or a boy I just say “no” in a friendly way. 😂 PS-Thanks for your support with educating folks 🫡

[@goober1.2.3]

@@chaosandbiscuitsif i were you (trans girl but have to present masc cause parents) i would js look at them and then walk away, or laugh

[@Charlie.1066]

@@chaosandbiscuits I love that answer! I usually just get flustered 😅especially since a coworker answered the first "boy or girl" question with "he's a boy" so now I feel I have to stick with that because some of the kids I work with have generstrict parents. (I'm masc nonbinary and sometimes fem presenting but use all pronouns except she, preference for neos though)

[@riveramnell143]

I’m pan and non binary, and present as a masculine female (no getting away from my chest lol). I’m always happy to explain things when people inquire, or assume incorrectly. It doesn’t bother me when people think I’m a male transitioning to female. It happens 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@irinaphoenix2169]

I work in speech-language therapy for toddlers, and it makes me so happy to hear children label things like "firefighter" and "police officer".

[@Best_Blake]

dude I'm gen z and I just took a minute trying to think of what the gendered version of these are

[@maddykrantz]

@@Best_Blake fireman and policeman.

[@ErutaniaRose]

Idk if it's because I am ignorant or because I'm autistic, but I am confused, lol.

[@WebofHope]

I assume 'Fire People' has a different connotation that's far more concerning.

[@flyfamille5671]

​@@ErutaniaRose your confused bc you are not teaching kid's how to speak and define / recognize job. Police officer, Security Agent, fire fighter are safe people when big crap happens

[@flibbertygibbette]

My kiddo has had nonbinary teachers and friends since preschool (and LGBTQ+ folks throughout our family circle). Conversations about gender have been really organic and uncomplicated, and it's just another thing that's normal. It's adults who project their own lack of understanding and acceptance onto kids and make it weird.

[@altalt479]

Exactly, never met a kid who didn't understand when explained. I've only ever seen hateful adults project their misunderstanding onto their children

[@szigtema]

👏👏👏

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

Many years ago when I was still a child my parents really just explained that some women are more masculine and some men are more feminine and I should really just take everyone as they are and not overthink it too much. My parents were/are both cis and straight but mom has always had more traditionally male interests and a personality that also is by some perceived to be more masc and dad was the opposite. Gender roles just weren't enforced in our family which really helped me growing up as a non-binary child because I never heard "That's only for boys" and the same was true for my older siblings. Gender wasn't a big deal, we were just allowed to be ourselves and it happened that my siblings are more traditionally male and female and I'm just neither. 😁

[@mikkogeneration]

Wish I grew up with that. Would've made my life so much easier. Coming out after puberty sucks. I hate society.

[@Therian-kittycattt-]

I wish it was the same for my family☹️ I’m a lesbian and my mom still thinks that I’m going to say “Oh.. I don’t like my girlfriend! I wanna marry a man!” Randomly. She says it as a “joke” but it’s really making me uncomfortable and insecure about my sexuality ☹️

[@H3LL0K1TT7_]

Just sent this video to my mom cause she always says she confused about me lol. Thank you for the help!

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Happy to be of service 🥰

[@YourQueerGreatAuntie]

Have to say, I watched this video thinking about showing my parents who are quite dismissive of my sibling's GF identity.

[@jannecapelle_art]

ESPECIALLY because children usually become interested in what love and sex is by like, age 6 or even earlier. because in our very sex-obsessed culture, you cant really prevent them from at least hearing about it. i hate when people think its "grooming" to teach children about sexuality, gender and identity from super early on - its the exact opposite. a child that knows about their own body, and their own identity, is a child that can advocate for itself and actually tell an adult if something happened to them. i mean its literally the introduction to basic child psychology 101, we learned about this in like 11th grade.

[@pjaypender1009]

You don't actually need to talk about sex to talk about gender and sexual orientation. "Mommy and Daddy love each other a lot and that's why they got married" isn't talking about sex, so why is "Uncle Bob and Dave love each other a lot and that's why they got married"?? And gender identity has exactly zero to do with sex. Trans people can be any sexual orientation at all. Cishet people are the people doing the sexualizing when baby onesies have sayings like "Lady Killer" and at every baby shower I see people "pairing up" baby "boys" with baby "girls" and saying "Look, he's got a girlfriend." They're BABIES. We don't actually know their gender yet, and some of them will undoubtedly be gay. I heartily support not sexualizing orientation and gender. But it is cishet people who have to do that.

[@King-of-Corvids]

Exactly, if children are kept in the dark it opens the door for abuse.

[@whoreforjaneausten]

Whenever the kid got curious and looked for the answers on the Internet or in their friend group is already too late for the talk. And that happens in kindergarten usually. One of my teachers was confused on why my mom would give me the talk when I was about 10, when 1) I fucking got my period a year later and my boobs were already growing, I needed to know, 2) I already knew everything and not from a safe source. It was waaaay too late

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

I can vividly remember being uncomfortable being called a girl at around age 4 or so. I didn't want to be sorted into team girl or team boy in daycare and that felt really bad to me. Some people really start to realize they are different that early and it should be normal to teach kids about those things in an age appropriate manner as early as possible. Not grooming to teach them that different people exist because they will really see it anyway and it's better you teach them the proper words to express themselves.

[@jannecapelle_art]

@@DieAlteistwiederda oh yeah, i also wish i knew about the concept of gender as a spectrum earlier. i was also always very uncomfortable with being perceived as "girly". honestly its probably a mix of being (as i know now) non-binary, but also of the genuine hate that teenage girls would get for being girly in the mid 2000s and early 2010s, so i was kinda being a "not like other girls"-girl. turns out, im just not really a girl in general lmao. imagine grownups woulve taught us back then that you dont HAVE to be a girl just because you were born with a certain anatomy. imagine. that wouldve been so amazing as a kid holy shit.

[@eireannbullimore7763]

My 14 and 10 year old cousins are both perfectly aware of my gender identity and perfectly able to understand my they/them pronouns and have been for the last 5 years. It honestly barely needed explaining to them, kids just pick this stuff up if they're exposed to it. They don't always get pronouns right because they don't have a wider experience of non binary people and their parents don't really use the right pronouns when referring to me. But it's more important to me that they understand what my identity is than grilling them over pronouns, they'll cement those in their language in their own time

[@altalt479]

People underestimate how much children understand. Plenty of children know they're trans from the moment they can speak and yet adults still think children can't understand gender identities or sexualities. I'm non-binary and my ex once explained to his cousins (who had never met a non-binary person and were raised in a super homophobic household) and while they asked a few questions they understood perfectly. Kids can understand these things, they don't need to be coddled.

[@r2Gt06]

I'm glad you have it like that! ❤❤ I wish I could

[@whoreforjaneausten]

I've had talks with a few kids about homosexuality, but I'd assume it would be the same about gender. They're thrilled to know about it. They're so curious and they get it immediately, one of the girls was correcting her mom the next day when she assumed that the ring on a woman's hand meant she had a husband. She said something like "it could be a wife though" and then she was so disappointed to find out two women can't get married in our country. What she couldn't understand was the fact that two people can't get married if they want to, not that they would want to get married. Kids are amazing like that. In the meantime the mom was being weird about the fact that I told her daughter that. The adults are the ones uncomfortable talking about it, kids just accept in seconds

[@sunnybugz]

all my nieces and nephews who aren't literal toddlers (nieces age 12, 11, and 9 + a 10 year old nephew) understand different identities completely !!! they call me their ancle because im bigender, my 12 year old niece is nonbinary and two spirit, and my 11 year old niece is a trans girl. my 9 year old niece also told me she's a lesbian! kids understand it if you explain it calmly and let them interact with queer people from a young age (both my sisters are bi/pan, and my oldest sisters husband is asexual, so these kids have known being queer is okay since birth 💗)

[@plvmenace]

36:45 "children tend to believe that if we do not acknowledge something, we are implicitly saying that we do not agree with it". I can definitely say that this is true! My parents did not tell me that queer people exist. I didn't know that being gay was a thing until I was about 12 and I read a book where a male character said he had a crush on another male character. And I distinctly remember wondering why my parents didn't tell me that this is possible, and thinking that they probably didn't because maybe it was "wrong" or "inappropriate".

[@MsShaunaM]

To paraphrase The Doctor, ' Most people look at Sex and Gender as this dichotomy of male and female. But, from a non linear and non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like this big ball of wibbly wobbly, gendery blendery... stuff.'

[@christinakohl6111]

Nice one👏😂

[@radyperry]

I just watched that episode today!

[@CheshireCatism]

Yes! I’ve been describing my gender as “wibbly wobbly gendery wendery” for years!

[@pm2886]

Reminding us that he's not a medical doctor.

[@katanah3195]

You'd think with such a good metaphor for gender on a British TV show (even if it was originally about time), that the place would be a little less... TERF Island.

[@thomgoblin8725]

"The bar is on the ground. You can absolutely reach that bar" is a message I'm really gonna need more people to start hearing on this subject.

[@djadelaney]

you describing how Mr. Rogers had his writers be careful about language applying to all children gave me chills, "your favorite grown up", I cry 😭🧡🧡 beautiful. like this vid! thanks, Jessica!!

[@JustAChannel_13]

Mr Rogers was *really* detailed and particular about everything he said and did around kids. He altered the words to one of his songs when gender issues were becoming more mainstream. It's subtle, but says a lot about the man. Original lyrics: "Only girls can be the mommies. Only boys can be the daddies." Altered lyrics: "Girls grow up to be the mommies. Boys grow up to be the daddies." Both versions include the line "Boys are boys from the beginning. Girls are girls right from the start." And I'm pretty sure I've seen it used as pro & anti trans arguments 😂

[@riveramnell143]

I grew up watching Mr Rogers and never realized how amazing he was until I was an adult and started learning all the incredible things he did on his show. Also, did you know he considered himself bi? He once said that he had been attracted to both men and women, and that his sexuality is somewhere in the middle. I just learned that recently.

[@Nick-dx2pt]

​@@JustAChannel_13 well either way i think it's pro trans because i was a boy when i was little and I'm still a boy or should i say man now

[@pjl22222]

Mr. Rogers? Who's that. Oh, you mean Saint Rogers of PBS Who also was an ordained Methodist minister but was never ever preachy

[@nodBard]

Thank you for making this! The hardest part about being non-binary is not asking people use "they/them" to refer to me, it's having to explain the concept of non-binary as a necessary follow-up question. It is exhausting and so I just let strangers use he/him and deal with the annoyance from that.

[@rainbowwwkim]

I'm sorry, misgendering sucks and you don't deserve that shit. I hope you have some friends in your life who respect your identity 💜💛🩶🖤

[@nodBard]

@@rainbowwwkim thank you so much and I do have great friends who respect me! Wishing you the same!

[@redhottpussyliquor]

I so relate to this

[@riveramnell143]

I have my pronouns as she/they for this exact reason. People are so reluctant to use they/them pronouns and I don’t want to fight people constantly, so I just add “she” for the people too lazy or rude to use they/them. I do silently judge them though 😂

[@nodBard]

@@riveramnell143 I am judging them too! 💛🤍💜🖤

[@CodeOmega0]

The small changes to people's vocabulary is one of the most validating things. Like last week in line at the post office, the postal worker asked another customer, "Would you mind taking a step to the side while you call your partner to confirm this? That was I can help this next.. " *looked at me* .. "... customer?" I cannot tell you the joy that they purposefully didn't gender me. It was nice to be appreciated as a human and not as a gender. It takes next to no effort, but it really makes such a difference.

[@scilines]

“Customer” is great. I think ppl struggle in formal or customer service settings to find gender neutral labels other than sir or ma’am.

[@shinynickel05]

My baby has a beloved ladybug stuffie we call "Enby Bug", because not all ladybugs are ladies. Normalizing and explaining non-binary identities from the start!

[@jennifers5560]

This is fabulous!

[@SaltierMermaid]

Though not as intentional as your example, my 2yo's ladybug stuffy is called "Baby Bug" ❤

[@onceuponamelody]

That's adorable! ❤

[@JasperIllusian]

god this is so cute

[@riveramnell143]

That is so sweet, I love that!

[@shinkinotenki]

Y'all, I need the courage to send this to my mom. I have "come out" to her several times, but she doesn't understand what it is that I'm trying to tell her, and she just forgets the conversation happened. A video like this that explains what it is to be non-binary is so helpful, even though it's geared towards parents of small children.

[@jennifers5560]

Sending you courage and love. ❤️💪🏼

[@elfboi523]

I'm an androgynous person with a penis who often gets mistaken for a woman. Even for a cis woman as long as I don't talk. I'm not even trying to look like a woman, I just have long hair and like to wear eyeliner and silver jewelry since I'm a goth. I don't think I act overly feminine, but I'm not very masculine at all. I didn't really know how to talk about who or what I am until the year 2002 when I found the term, "gender outlaw", on some website.

[@JustAChannel_13]

I like that term. We should bring that back.

[@seir323]

Yessss, "Gender outlaw!" (And their friends gender-queer and gender-punk!) I've been identifying as non-binary as a catch-all for my gender for years, but it started there, with the 'fuck the box!' mindset. My AMAB partner has definitely had the same kinds of things happen to them too!

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

Gender outlaw sounds like such a dope way to describe a person. It's actually not that uncommon to find very androgynous goths from my experience living in a German city with a huge goth festival every year and while also being goth adjacent myself.

[@kirbthebean]

I’m intersex, but I’m here to support my nonbinary buds.

[@kirbthebean]

@@RainbowFrogger Hey! I hope you live in a supportive environment. Sometimes it’s rough for us lol. :D

[@kirbthebean]

@@RainbowFrogger I feel you too. Having the space to be comfortable with myself is the best. I was lucky enough to grow up in a supportive family (I was raised by two moms) but there have been a couple people in my life who I’ve needed to cut out. I’m glad you’re doing better!

[@kirbthebean]

@@RainbowFrogger I was diagnosed earlier and I got meds to help, but I completely understand what you went through. Throughout most of my life I was basically forced into a female stereotype. My mom would often ask me, “why don’t you wear this? Why don’t you like this?” And it was exhausting. I often felt insecure and when I was in school I remember not ever even wearing short sleeves because I was worried someone would comment on my arm hair. It took me until sophomore year to drop that anxiety. Even though I’ve grown, sometimes it’s hard for me to think, “it’s okay that I’m like this” because in my head I still remember my childhood being told that embracing my masculinity was wrong.

[@kirbthebean]

@@RainbowFrogger I completely get it, I feel the same way. We’re rare to find, lol so you are like a jewel. I tend to dress more masculine because that’s just my style but sometimes when I feel like it I’ll wear a dress (most are not really made for flat people, but I do a lot of tailoring I also work out, have broad shoulders and a masculine face so people probably think I’m a femboy 😂). I’ve spent so long stressing out about why I look different that I’m just exhausted from it and have learned to express myself the way I want to. It’s nice having a whole LGBT community of fellow queers to know I’m not alone.

[@TheYahmez]

Always good to see you guys around 🙃 I had a botched surgeries when I was little, malpractice & infections lead to complications throughout my childhood; physically and mentally. I'm still struggling with how poorly my mother was made to make of it all for me & how it affected all my other relationships growing up; a deep shameful secret that became more obvious over time. She's had her own limitations & difficulties, so it's difficult for her to understand me - especially since it took so long for me to feel like I was even allowed to really know & talk about it all, restricting my access to much needed resources & dissociating me from my own body. I didn't even know my own birth name until I left school & started having to file my own paperwork. I really should get myself sorted out properly but I'm still hesitant to trust, still feel ashamed, especially these days. I know (conceptually) a lot of it is irrational but that doesn't really help. I've already lost so much time, but even knowing that I still feel frozen watching the clock run down.

[@ZoeLacrouts]

I just wanted to point out that the french nonbinary neopronoun is actually 'iel', pronounced like "yell" - a combination of il and elle. Other than that, great video, i learnt a lot!

[@lalaillustrator6295]

Yes that’s true! (I’m French too) I can see how a mistake was made if you only read about it and the i is capitalised 😅

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

​@@lalaillustrator6295French also has that fun thing where you never know which letters are actually pronounced or which you can ignore. 😅 Add to that Jessicas hearing issues and it's really just luck to get the correct pronunciation. I can at least google it and find a video where someone is pronouncing it and can get it right that way. 😅

[@Domi_Nique811]

I believe every non-binary folk deal with their own struggle, but gender-declined language contries seems to take the "grammar" argument a little further. Specially those who doesn't have neutral retro-pronouns, like Spanish and Portuguese (we use male generatization as formal rule), and articles, adjectives and nouns that are gendered. In Brazil, there's a fight to make gender neutral form being accepted in public tenders and legal documentation. Thanks for the shout-out in the middle of the video

[@moonkenzie]

I'm SO glad my nephew had a nonbinary friend at preschool. The little one was very clear about their pronouns each day and I made sure to reinforce to my nephew that some people are like that and would ask him if his friend was a boy, a girl, both, or neither today (the parents were clear on the language they wanted used). He would say things like, "She was a boy, but she played with the girls." They go to different schools now and his friend is picked on and the thought breaks my heart.

[@kennethgustavison1812]

Androgyny is a beautiful thing. Non-binary behavior is not a challenge to cis behavior. Conservatives can't just let people live their lives in peace, and, as the population grows and there is a larger diversity of alternative experiences, they are fighting against anything that is not part of their little bubble. Thanks for your BEAUTIFUL enlightening videos. I like they/them, and some actually prefer or don't mind IT as a genderless pronoun used for them. I think we WILL come to a consensus on new genderless pronouns in English eventually.

[@FunctionallyLiteratePerson]

even if we do, people will still use other non-consensus ones because those are the pronouns they like! Usually, in my experience, when people identify with pronouns outside of the "standard" sets (he/him, she/her), it is less abound finding what feels "genderless," and more what feels right for them.

[@loalapine9298]

The finnish language does not have gendered pronouns at all and we're having a fabulous time 🩷🩷🩷🩷

[@RobinNicoagain]

Second this. When I moved abroad, I really struggled with the pronouns because by accident I used the wrong one and got people angry. I grew up with none so it was hardwire change to think the gender of the other person in grammar sense.

[@elspethfougere9683]

I love knowing this, thank you for telling us! ❤🎉

[@mtsanri]

I love the finnish language for this. We don't have to participate in the pronoun war in any other capacity, except yelling from the sidelines "we've got it figured out alreadyyyy"

[@ragnkja]

And the north-Germanic Scandinavian languages are quite happy about it, especially how well it fits in with our older third person singular pronouns.

[@miss_gray]

I thought I was non-binary when I started my trans journey earlier this year. The amount of.... issues I had around people using my name and they/them pronouns, or even acknowledging I even existed was... a lot. Add in late-diagnosed Autism and ADHD to that, and... yeah. I was even told that Gray isn't my name! They told me that Gray is just my "preferred nickname" and that I just need to get used to people using my "birth" name because not even me, Gray, can "take away my "birth" name, especially taking it FROm my mother who birthed me" and it's all just so frustrating. This video is so, so good. I love how you can discuss this loaded topic in a compassionate manner like this.

[@JasperIllusian]

i hate the weird notion about changing names and it somehow being an insult to your parents. like no? its not about them. im sorry so many people are treating your name like its not real

[@sugar706]

​@@JasperIllusianAnd if cis people change name no one bat an eye of course. It's never about respect, names or tradition, it's just hate. Like people who don't want to use singular they. If it was a normal grammar rule they will be completely neutral but because it's related to trans people then they hate it and say it's a dictatorship. So remember, transphobic people are haters 'cause they wanna see us not alive or hidden not because they care for grammar or other shits

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

Love that you point out it's not a moral failure to be wrong or confused. Muddling through takes bravery and is an honest part of life

[@pm2886]

I'm sure it feels better to think of opposition as confusion or muddlement. Sometimes (often) it's simply opposition - which is also not a moral failure.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

@@pm2886 Oh, I do think opposing trans and non binary people's right to merely exist is indeed a moral failure 🙂

[@pm2886]

@@FishareFriendsNotFood972 You think those who oppose, want to deny trans people the right to existence? The right to remain alive? Because that's the only right in this scenario - and it's the same right we all have. Either way, I highly doubt that that right to existence is disputed by even the most ardent TERF. Just as you undoubtedly honour and respect the right of a Trump-voting fundamentalist conservative to exist, it's almost certainly true in reverse. Beyond that, there is no right to have your private and personal beliefs acknowledged and honoured. Not even religions get much slack in that regard, in the 21stC. It's about tolerance of diversity in the modern world, after all. If we demand that our own philosophy is acknowledged and honoured as some kind of right, we might as well be the Spanish Inquisition. Time has taught us no one is THAT special.

[@FishareFriendsNotFood972]

@@pm2886 You think those who oppose, want to deny trans people the right to existence? Yes. I do.

[@pm2886]

@@FishareFriendsNotFood972 So you think the opposers want to literally kill trans people? Make them cease to exist? Am I hearing that strangeness correctly? Or are you just needing to repeat that you think having one's personal beliefs acknowledged and honoured is actually a 'right'? Because THAT would be even stranger!

[@Lux_ifer]

One time in my English class, in an exercise I used "they" to refer to the name "Alex", knowing that there are many males, females and non-binary people, that use that name, and I didn't know the gender of the person. Although, the teacher said that it was an error and I should have used "he" or "she". I didn't even try to explain

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

I had to take English as an adult going back to school again. I'm already fully fluent and always use they/them when applicable and almost got into a fight with the teacher who insisted it was more professional and better looking to write "he/she did this and that" instead of just use they when the gender isn't known. To me that's just unnecessarily clunky and long and eventually we got another English teacher involved who was on my side as this is the more modern approach.

[@residentialpsycho1075]

This happened all the time when I was in school. We had to use "he or she" or "one" for unknown pronouns. "They" was never acceptable, and my pronoun, "it," was also never acceptable.

[@maddlibby4062]

One of the things my parents did really well was "that's a great question, let's look it up" as a standard answer 40 years ago.

[@veiledowl1357]

Thank you for making this video! There are many people that pretend we don't exist, even amongst content creators we rarely get good press. I appreciate you Jessica. 💜

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

Your identity is valid, no one should tell you otherwise 💛🤍💜🖤

[@pm2886]

I doubt anyone thinks you don't exist. I'm sure you're very real to those who know and/or love you. And they are the only people who matter.

[@tessiagriffith9555]

As a person with naturally blue eyes and red hair, it's is really impactful to tell people that intersex persons are roughly as common as the combination of red hair and blue eyes!

[@AuthorDiannaGunn]

"Mommies do all the work and daddies just do the fun stuff" is unfortunately an accurate representation of a lot of heterosexual relationships though soooo Rupert might be on to something

[@yosoysoya7944]

I found that examples very ironic, like it's so wrong that it's actually true

[@AuthorDiannaGunn]

@@yosoysoya7944 Yeah I think I would respond to that with "Actually that IS true in a lot of relationships but it's also bad"

[@jen_chaos]

As a kid I was repeatedly corrected for using gender neutral language. Turns out that was just little nonbinary me. “No Jen, that’s a waitress, not a waiter. Don’t call female actresses actors, etc…” *big eye roll*

[@MsShaunaM]

My daughter in law uses she/they pronouns. During their wedding, they/them pronouns were used exclusively! I don't know if the Ex noticed, but I certainly did! I am so proud of both of them!

[@wild_wolfboy]

wait- why invite and ex to a wedding? lol

[@annakilifa331]

​@@wild_wolfboy might be the ex of the commenter, not the ex of the person getting married. Might have been the other parent in law to the nonbinary person, so one of the parents of one of the people getting married.

[@hollyj3264]

When my 14 year old kid is asked "Are you a boy or a girl?" they answer "Yes" :D

[@SWAMCAT]

In Finnish there's only one third person pronoun (hän) which can be used for anyone and I think that's really cool (especially as an agender person :))

[@cherylstraub5970]

Actually non binary was known ages ago. the Anglo-Saxons had a pronoun for gender neutral. Native people in the new world had what they called two spirited people. So this should be something that we as a people can adjust to easily.

[@morrisstanforth3278]

Although queer acceptance is seen as an idea that has come from modern western cultures, this really isn't the case. For example, in the Maori language, the word "takatāpui" refers to a same sex relationship and was accepted in pre-colonial Maori culture. This was all fine and dandy until everyone's favourite British colonialism came along and made "buggery" a crime punishable with a maximum sentence of death. This was changed to a maximum sentence of life imprisonment 3 years later. Then, 125 years later on the 8 August 1986, consensual sex between males over the age of sixteen (the age of consent in NZ) became legal. Other examples include records of same sex relationships in Ancient China dating back to 16th to 11th century BCE being treated with indifference and usually openness. Although there were certainly cultures that heavily frowned upon same sex relationships such as Mongol Empire under Genghis Khan enforcing a ban on homosexual acts. I am aware that this does focus on homosexuality more than other aspects of queerness, but what I found also had this focus. All of this information is from Wikipedia.

[@dehn6581]

Two Spirit is a modern term some American Indigenous nations, particularly in the North American Plains area, use as they rebuild older traditions of mixed gender roles and responsibilities in their communities that were damaged. It is only a few decades old, it is not universal across all over 600 American Indigenous nations, and it is not the same as Western non-binary.

[@pm2886]

And you're entirely free to do so. Just as others are free to decline.

[@adairperkins2844]

Apropos to something, a very small human (maybe 6) walked up to me at the grocery store and asked what my pronouns are then skipped back to Mom shouting "Mom it's they/them!!!" And I'm holding on to that memory

[@roseannechapman6249]

My friend and I were discussing non-binary pronouns earlier today, and how peeps are always saying to them ' you cant use they/them in a singluar way' or 'stop trying to change language!'. I personally had someone mention at work the typical 'can't use they/them as singular', to which I responded with the following scenario. You come across someones phone. You think 'oh no, someone has lost THEIR phone, I hope I can return it to THEM, THEY will be so happy someone found it'. person shut up after realising that it can be used singularly.

[@larissabrglum3856]

Singular they has been in common use for so long. It feels natural to say and it's the best thing English has for the job. Besides, "you" was once plural but became singular as the language evolved from Middle English into Modern English; why can't "they" do the same? I find the whole argument that "singular they is improper English" disingenuous.

[@roseannechapman6249]

@@larissabrglum3856 singular 'they' has been in use since the 14 century (middle-english centuries) , and I believe Shakespeare (early-modern english) used it too, so saying it doesn't make sense singular/it is only recenty been used as singular shows a lack of understanding of basic english grammar (and appreciation for etemology). Or, if they do understand it, and refuse to use it appropriately, they are just being bigoted!

[@milic5749]

Two of my older family members have actually said that they wish we'd come up with a new word that's gender-neutral and singular and that that would be easier for them to get used to than singular they/them. They said this on their own without knowing neopronouns are already a thing. I find this interesting mainly because neopronouns are generally treated by people somewhat in the know as even harder to use than they/them, like "it's ok if you're nonbinary as long as you use they/them like a normal person and not one of those special snowflake pronouns." And I do see validity to the idea that using they/them for an unknown or hypothetical person can come naturally while using it for a specific known person is a different context that can take adjusting to. I just wish my family would keep trying their best *without* saying that my pronouns are too hard and wouldn't it be nice if I could use different ones. I *could* use neopronouns, but I don't like them.

[@theGhostWolfe]

The weird thing is that the singular “you” actually caused a whole set of pronouns (thy/thee/thou) to become extinct but the singular use of “they” is somehow less acceptable? Singular you straight up murdered its predecessor, but singular and plural they are just hanging.

[@laurabrandt2362]

​@@theGhostWolfeYes! I think that "you" going from exclusively plural to basically the only second person pronoun (with a few regional exceptions) is a great analog of "they". If you can say "you *are*" for a singular person, then you can do the same with "they are". Also, it's not like people accepted singular "you" without a fight at the time either, the only difference is it's been a long time since that happened, so now it just seems normal. Just like how I expect in a few generations no one will think of singular "they" as weird either, or even think about it at all.

[@JennCampbell]

On Star Trek:Voyager it was established that Sir was used for commanding officers regardless of gender, but Janeway preferred Captain. Sneaky way to tell people to respect how a person wishes to be addressed. 😊 ❤

[@pm2886]

In a military setting you don't get to refuse. The real world doesn't work that way.

[@MinimumViablePicnic]

Hardest thing that happened gender wise recently was reading Stompysaurus my daughter re-genderd the same character as male when they looked angry and female when they looked afraid and sad. I'm finding it really difficult to keep this at bay now she's at preschool. My tip is to use the rule of "most of the time and sometimes" so my child will say something like "the dolly has a penis so is a boy" and I'll say "often people with a penis are a boy but sometimes that's not right, they're a girl or don't feel like they're a boy or a girl"

[@rishtopia]

3:54 that went the opposite way for me, i had to explain to my *very* indian parents what non binary was as a 13 year old.. it was actually kinda fun tho, like, a 233 slide ppt is all it took

[@FunctionallyLiteratePerson]

233 slides??? Woah

[@rishtopia]

@FunctionallyLiteratePerson well, there is a lot to cover.. I mean, I had to include graphs and charts and diagrams and stuff, so.. also the bibliography was 6 and a half slides

[@TheYahmez]

@@rishtopia I _love_ this 🤣😭

[@pazzieanneknexx809]

33:01 YES. THIS. I remember working with 3-5 year olds, and one of them sitting in a way that exposed their underwear (would be gendered as a girl in society) and I made a conscious effort while around them to *not* point it out. Because I think another layer of that is sexualizing your child. Daughters are sexualized SO young, because the implication behind that is "Don't expose yourself!!" which... They're just sitting. Leave them be. Two of the kids were like "haha he went into the girl's bathroom" and were totally making fun of one of the other campers, and I said "What if he's a girl?" (I know it's imperfect language use but I was working with what language they were using in that present moment) and I hope that planted a seed in their little minds.

[@electronics-girl]

During all the time I lived as a boy/man, I don't think my dad ever criticized my outfits. But as soon as I started transitioning, he started remarking that my dresses were too short. (And to be clear, the dresses he was questioning had a hemline just above the knee. Lots of women wear much shorter dresses than that.)

[@pm2886]

OMG.

[@Shaderdiceblock]

These videos are very informative and trans rights should be taken seriously by everyone

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

10000% 💛🤍💜🖤

[@nehalilisays]

When I was in kindergarten my mom often read a book to me in which a boy and a girl are best friends and compare each other's bodies. Their conclusion is that they are pretty much the same except for their private parts. And I think that's gonna stuck with me forever. Based on that I wonder how you would explain gender to your child.

[@onceuponamelody]

That's pretty much how I explained gender to my son when it came up. Girls and boys have different private parts. Easy peasy.

[@onceuponamelody]

As they get older you can add more info and get into the differences between sex and gender.

[@FunctionallyLiteratePerson]

@@onceuponamelody or the fact that even people of the same sex have differences (due to intersex conditions or otherwise)

[@lilykatmoon4508]

My 11 year old niece has no problem using my preferred name or pronouns but no one else in my family will even try. I’m in my early 50s and only realized I was non binary a few years ago because I had never been exposed to the idea. A whole lot of my life and struggles have come into focus. It took me 49 years to accept my queer identity and sexuality and I’m still working on breaking down internalized homophobia. I’m really grateful for all the queer content by the younger generations and continue to discover myself. As a non binary person, I love this video. It gives me new ways of thinking and breaking down a lifetime of confusion. ❤

[@forest_green]

Yay for nonbinary people over 30! I'm 37 and I've been out for 7 years. I have two kids, and they've been great with my pronouns so far.

[@jessicaoutofthecloset]

This makes me so so happy to hear ❤️ You’ve got this and we’re here to support you!

[@lexidarling]

My best friend is NB. As someone who began transition 20 years ago I was stuck in the ingrained mindset of the very straight, binary trans experience that I had and that was the enforced norm for a long time. Meeting my best friend has taught me so much about NB identity, and they are just the coolest, sweetest, and most creative person. Shout out to Tristan, love u bb

[@ArtichokeHunter]

i appreciate the bit about how only half of nb people identify as trans. i am used to the nb people in my life identifying as trans so i accidentally assumed that of a genderfluid person i was dating. it wasn't offensive but there was a moment there of oh wait, this is not a way you see yourself and i do not mean to make assumptions!

[@jennoscura2381]

The X in Muxe is pronounced like an sh. Moo-sh-eh. Source: I am a native speaker of Mexican Spanish.

[@MullingInk]

Thank you for covering this. I’m nonbinary, and my friend was just telling me she wasn’t sure how to teach her child about nonbinary identities. Since I figured out my gender after my kids were in middle school, I felt a little lost. The frustration of not even being able to tell people how to handle stuff like this about my own gender is intense. I was dazzlingly happy to find out one of my favorite people online had made content to explain this. Thank you! I’m pretty pleased at having an additional reason to steer friends toward your channel. This Nonbinary Visibility Week, I feel seen. 🎉

[@kapowjam3462]

I'm agender and this was really good! Favorite is when people refer to me as "friend" when they don't know me and are getting my attention to order or something.

[@ArtichokeHunter]

"what swimsuit you wear" is so funny to me as a cis woman who wears swim trunks (yeah i do wear the top of a tankini, so maybe my swimsuit tastes are bigender?)

[@stephaniehight2771]

Can't wear most men's swim trunks, they have those uncomfortable built in mesh underpants. I have two tankinis with matching shorts and two with combo skirt/panties.

[@DieAlteistwiederda]

I hate any bikini bottoms so also usually wear a more breast supporting swim top of some kind and swim trunks. Very non-binary of me I guess. 😂 I'm very skinny but I hate having my entire ass out when I'm trying to move and don't want anything to slip out.

[@floppsymoppsy5969]

One of my nephews' names is Joseph, and he HATES being called Joe or Joey. The only exception to anyone calling Joseph was my daughter. When she was little, she was allowed to call him Jo-fus because she couldn't pronounce Joseph.❤

[@jessreallywantsitall]

Just popping in to say your videos the past months have been AMAZING. The research, the characters, the different camera angles, the background, the outfits, the script, the editing: everything is so good!!! Excellent quality content ❤I've been meaning to comment this on your videos from the past few months but I keep forgetting, I'm so sorry. Keep doing what you do! We need these videos.

[@someonesomehow379]

19:06 omg as a person who's first language is Arabic the struggle is REAL it's such a gendered language!!

[@mekocampuzano5030]

I never would have thought about that consequences of "strong girl books" on boys 😅 I suppose I always saw them in the context of my own experiences growing up where there was already so much representation of boys doing /being cool, adventure, brave etc. Thanks for sharing so helpful also hair looks gorgeous 😍

[@novaluna9691]

27:39 I absolutely have an example of this. When I was little, my mom was a vegetarian and my dad wasn't, so my tiny brain decided that all women are vegetarians and all men eat meat. This made it very jarring for me when I saw other women eating meat. (The first time I met a man who was a vegetarian was as an adult, several years after I had stopped making this generalization.) I am not entirely sure how I made my own eating habits fit into this (I did eat meat, but I also very frequently wanted some of whatever my mom ate), but maybe I didn't really see myself as entirely male or female even back then 🤷🏻 It's kinda nice to know what was behind this.

[@elizabethpemberton8445]

I assumed, because my Dad is named Dale and one of the other dads at church was named Gayle, and I misheard that, that all dads were named Dale. It helped that I seldom heard other adults’ first names (outside of my family) because it was Mr. This and Mrs. That. But I definitely also knew dads named Mubarak, Doug, Tom, Michael, Chandler, George, Neil, Jerry, and Danny, so who knows. Little kids have very little brain and it is very very busy learning how to survive.

[@lissac67]

This video is so timely to me as a new grandparent. While I am not his parent and it isn't my responsibility to teach, I think showing a good example of gender neutral language can only benefit him as he grows as I will be present in his life a lot. Great content! Thank you.

[@jennifers5560]

I don’t know, isn’t it everybody’s responsibility to teach? Even if by example?

[@lalaillustrator6295]

Definitely! I only saw my grandparents during school holidays and the occasional weekend but they still had a big impact on who I am today, and some of my day-to-day habits and core beliefs I learned from them. It’s a special relationship ❤️ I’m sure you’ll be a fantastic grandparent!!

[@NefariousHippie]

Thank you for being open to stuff like this. Having just a single grandparent set an example this way would've made a big difference to me growing up. I wish you and your family all the best! ❤

[@pm2886]

What if his parents don't want him exposed to that stuff?

[@jennifers5560]

@@pm2886did you even watch the video??

[@alyssafitzgerald83]

Alternative to good girl or boy: great job kiddo!

[@Iwouldrathernot.]

way better than either of the former

[@sparklelaraify]

Happy non-binary visibility week!! I got top surgery two days ago and I feel so much better now 😊

[@LaCafedora]

Thank you for this! It's helpful to hear someone talk about this. I've been struggling with understanding my nonbinary nature for a few years now, and it's really difficult. Hearing someone talk about this, laying out some facts, discussing the ambiguities, and -- most of all -- highlighting the simple strategy of: Be kind, courteous, and just use gender-neutral language until you have more information -- all of that is so very helpful and supportive and it makes me want to cry. Happy tears, from being recognized. Thank you, Jessica.

[@onceuponamelody]

25:00 Yes, I love this point!! So many transphobes say "but I don't know if I should say sir or ma'am anymore!" Ok, but why do you need to say either? Just be polite and treat everyone with respect regardless. ❤

[@stephaniehight2771]

We do need a gender neutral title for customer service situations, because "Hey You" is rather rude.

[@Iwouldrathernot.]

@@stephaniehight2771 use customer

[@annakilifa331]

​@@stephaniehight2771 do you need any term for it? How about only "Hey" or "Hello"? "Hello, how can I help you today?" Do you need any specific word to address the person you're talking to?

[@RobinT346]

@@stephaniehight2771 I think this is a very regional thing. In the UK it's not common to use Sir or Ma'am at all and we would simply say "excuse me" or "thank you" or whatever. The terms of address only really show up in extremely formal occasions. Polite statements and questions carry their own weight. I realise this doesn't help if you live somewhere that it is expected or you have a really strict employer or something. But things might change and maybe it's helpful to know it's not considered rude everywhere

[@TehTeh911]

Thank you for acknowledging the many nonbinary people who don't identify as trans. It is pretty heavily pushed in some community spaces that nonbinary absolutely is trans, but I always felt uncomfortable identifying that way. I personally lean towards treating nonbinary rights as a part of teans rights when it comes to broad discussions about rights and groups, but the push for it to be a part of an individuals personal identity and experience as a nonbinary person regardless of their feelings always felt icky to me. There are many nonbinary folk who do identify as trans, and I wouldn't want to take that away from them either.

[@Holliswoud]

@TehTeh911 I am sorry that you have been made to feel uncomfortable at any point and for any reason, especially by the "supposed to be supportive, dagnabit!" community. As a trans non-binary person, I feel like I really get how one could be non-binary yet not trans in the common sense (although technically and by dictionary definition you would be, but f that noise). Weirdly enough, I understand it through the negative space where I am not; because I will be more comfortable being non-binary in a different body than I have, I can completely see how others might be perfectly content being non-binary in the same body that they started with. And we're both perfectly valid. Gotta say, I adore the diversity of us. Don't you worry, I got you, fam! 😉 💛🤍💜🖤

[@teowachowski1143]

​@@Holliswoudbeing content with your body or not isnt what makes you trans or not trans. Lots of non binary TRANS people are perfectly fine with their bodies

[@Holliswoud]

@@teowachowski1143 ..... OK. But I do not understand how then you distinguish enbys-who-identify-as-trans from enbys-who-do-not-consider-themselves-trans from either each other or from the binary members of the trans community (aside from their individual self-identification, which is fine as a criterium, but perhaps not expected to be the primary criterium as opposed to others that the pre-existing membership may commonly experience). In other words -- and I don't mean to invalidate anybody's experience here, I genuinely am asking -- why would an enby who was "fine with their body" consider themselves trans other than "by definition"? Or is that what you meant, essentially embracing the definition in solidarity? Fair. Takes me some getting used to, but fair.

[@ragnkja]

As a someone who doesn’t quite fit in the gender binary but whose gender identity does fall into the expected quadrant of the spectrum (feminine and nonmasculine in my case), I consider myself cis and also nonbinary.

[@katwitanruna]

I taught my kids that pretty much everything about humans lies on a Bell graph. So most people are in the middle but there are always people on either end. I also said that what matters most is if you love someone and the only time gender matters is with one’s physician (because hormones) and the person in your bed. And I’ve been using they for people when I’m not sure since the 70s. Funnily enough I was taught that by grandmother who got her MA in English in the early 40s.

[@scarrrr369]

I avoid gendered language and stereotypes and it shows as my child is now exploring their own personal styles by wearing ALL colours and ALL clothes. Nothing is off limits to what he can wear, unless it is not practical for the weather! At the moment he is obsessed with his pink sparkly jelly shoes!

[@sillycatsruntheworld]

welp, time for me to move to finland

[@rishtopia]

same 🫡

[@Ilovecats-yk8mz]

We must migrate there

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

Start following Oakwyrm and Mossy Bottom to begin with. I hope you find a way to relocate here ❤ Solidarity from an agender boomer Finn!

[@katwitanruna]

I was raised with “huh! I don’t know! What do you think is the best way to look it up?” I was taught the meaning of words from context double checked with the dictionary.

[@andrewlonghofer]

33:07 I really appreciate how conscious you are of preserving your child’s privacy by not showing his face. There are so many parents who post their kids’ faces everywhere, and it’s always refreshing to see when someone respects their children’s inability to consent to being a part of content, a brand, etc. and gives them the space to opt in later, rather than introducing a point of potential future conflict over the lack of consent in using their likeness in the past.

[@Pibealges]

I was just having a conversation with a friend who teaches at a deaf university in the US about how there are really only a few signs in American Sign Language that are gendered and mostly it has to do with referring to parents and siblings, but there also has been sort of "squishy" zone that started as a way to refer to cousins with a mix of genders and now that "squish" is being adapted for NB and queer conversations.

[@marknugent9851]

The way I wrecked a family member for the "'They' cannot be used to describe a single person!" argument. I asked them about their last doctor's appointment and waited for them (see what I did there?) to tell me '... they told me to...' Wait! Did 'THEY ' sing it at you like a barbershop quartet.. or did you just refer to a single person by the 'they' pronoun?! Mr Rogers, seemed like an excellent human being.

[@staceyhunt6769]

Was reading to my kids when my oldest was about 3.5 and youngest was about 1.5. Book said "Are you a boy or a girl?" 1.5 happily declared girl. And 3 went into a huge shut down for a few hours before very sadly (As in tone used) "Mummy, I don't know what I am". Was not prepared for it that young for sure. Oldest is autistic and never let us cut hair, usually preferred feminine clothes, loves feminine books, shows etc (And some more "boy aim" ones like Thomas and friends). But has almost always been assumed a girl by people out and about by their choices and look. We try to keep it open and flexible but there's so little help for it out there. Oldest was at school for a while (Only a year. Went awfully). "Are you a boy or a girl?" "...Probably?" "Oh, you're a girl!" "I have a penis 🤷‍♀️" Currently oldest opts not to actually use pronouns, just their name. And we keep it open, let oldest bring it up as desired and let us know where they stand. So I absolutely love when content creators put up actually useful info on gender identities. It makes it that bit easier to decide where to look, sometimes has resources to help, and means it's being talked about so more is out there. Thanks for the video. :)

[@natgrafton5138]

I babysit for a toddler, little boy about 2 and a half. He's the one person in my life that has literally never misgendered me a single time. He always calls me they and he even has a few toys that he only uses they/them pronouns for. It's so incredibly sweet and makes me feel really hopeful and happy whenever I'm around the little dude.

[@alexwixom4599]

I love the different characters. It's all you, but they give off a different vibe. Fun to think you have a bunch or prim and proper clones living with you, haha. This may not fit your channel, but I like the idea of teaching kids difficult or complicated life lessons. Parents run like roaches seeing light when they have to adress death or sex.

[@Pan-optic]

If you're interested in talking about death positivity, Askamortician, which is a great channel, has some videos on how to discuss death with family. I think she also has one about talking to children about it.

[@alexwixom4599]

@@Pan-optic thanks!

[@linmax300]

one of the many reasons i’m proud to be chinese is bc mandarin and cantonese pronouns are all gender neutral when spoken. the discrepancies can only be made when writing/typing, and even then, Chinese only recently distinguished “he” and “she” in writing in the last hundred-ish years due to western influence

[@BrehanSharaf]

I really like your way of expressing concepts . The way you vary your tone and emphasize every key point is very astonishing to the point that I have to study and I told myself that if I didn't click the pause button now , surely I will never pause it later until the end ❤

[@thebillionaireartist]

Thank you!!! I have had some conversations with my kids about various inclusivity, but you made me realise where I was lacking in some of what I had explained regarding gender.. I just had another chat with them just now, and filled in a few gaps I hadn't mentioned before... I appreciate your perspectives on this!! Ongoing conversations, always.. 🖤✨

[@Bee-g4s]

I love you. This made me so happy. I'm nonbinary, and not enough people talk about us!

[@Samm0315]

Hello, I’m not sure if you’ll see this but I just wanted to let you know that I find you and your family to be so beautiful. I love your energy and kindness and dedication you have to educating people. I wish you and your family happiness, peace and love

[@matissecaron9076]

As a genderqueer trans woman who had an auncle who came out as non-gendered when I was in high school, I was taught pretty early what it was to identify as outside of the binary, and I understood that I was «not really a man» (so basically knew I was trans) quite some time before I started transitionning. It was the first step into discovering my own identity. And I hopefully didn't integrate any shame around my identity. I consider myself as really lucky for that reason. To teach a child about trans identities in a positive light can be life-saving, or at least save from a lifetime of internalized transphobia. Of course, we don't always hope for our children to be non-binary or trans, but it is always a possibility that it'll save your child or other children similarly. I really believe that we should learn children about at least the concept of being non-binary. Thank you for the video!!

[@kingkayla1073]

Personally I love that the term “partner” is like mainstream now so you don’t have to gender your partner for multiple reasons like if you’re worried about homophobic people or if your partner is gender nonbinary. Just everyone uses it now and it feels a little more inclusive

[@bookslutskye7039]

When my niece was about Rupert's age, i taught her that all kids were "friends" and all adults (not related to us) were "neighbors" and it wasn't even on purpose! I just wanted her to know relations between people so those two kids are each other's friends and that person who lives across the street is our neighbor. She still uses these words as the default when she doesn't know another category to put people in, even though she's much more familiar with the "proper" definitions of these words.

[@pennycheshire5608]

Jessica you are a gem. Truly a great video that’s very accessible to send to all sorts of people. Thank you for this! 💜

[@BeachsideView]

love love love this video! I really appreciate how well thought out the script was and how gently it was presented! Hoping that one day I can show this to some of my non-affirming family members so they can understand my experience a little better! (I am very grateful to have some more talking points from this video in the case that doesn't happen as well)

[@Minchowski]

I'm nonbinary, and I have been asked by adult men multiple times whether I'm a boy or a girl, which honestly always makes me laugh. It took me ages to figure out a look that didn't immediately make people think one or the other, so it's kind of validating in a weird way. Not saying it isn't a rude question; just that it's a rude question that replaced the assumption that I was a woman. Though I still haven't worked out an answer I'm happy with - I'm usually like "Both! Neither? Nonbinary!" and then hoping there are no follow-up questions.

[@amandafranklin3892]

As a Pre-K educator in a fairly red area, I have enjoyed reading "What Riley Wore" to my students. They thought it was funny and I was able to gently talk with my kids about how they can wear what they want to express themselves and it doesn't define who they are, all the while using they/them pronouns for Riley in the book and not using any vocabulary that would come back to bite me in the ass with parents. It isn't optimal, but it felt like a safe way to open the door to conversation with my students.

[@amberthest]

I'm nonbinary and studying social work, I'm definitely saving this video to share in the future!

[@PhoebeFayRuthLouise]

Jessica, you are brilliant at talking about complex topics in an easily understandable way!

[@Irina6927]

Thank you so much Jessica. This video comes in handy because I have a 6 year old daughter and my husband and I have been trying to figure out how to talk to her about these issues. And it's really informative for me as well.

[@rafarraes]

And I just CAN'T relate this topic with that Modern Family's scene which Lily says she's gay because their dads are gay 🤣🤣

[@TeacupToaster]

Ahh! Lovely video as always!! Sorry for going completely beside the point but your hair looks fabulous!! I'd absolutely eat up a hair tutorial for this!

[@freezingreign3869]

I think that treating gender as "everyone is a little different" just like we treat everything else would be healthy for society.

[@jaeavalanche]

ok i know that this is a super informative, supportive, and serious video that's really awesome, but when Jessica was doing the bit about red hair and brown eyes i FELL OVER LAUGHING!!!11 like maybe im over reacting but that was the funniest thing ive heard in a while.

[@staceyhunt6769]

In our house the kids believe that dads do the housework/dishes and mum does the DIY, is the boss, makes the rules and makes toys/clothes. Because their father does the housework because I'm at home 24/7 with the children, homeschool them etc. So when dad gets here he takes over childcare and does the housework because I've been on everything for a few days solo. 😂 And because when their father does DIY it always goes awfully. Just not his strength. Blew their mind when they realised other kids dads don't do the housework and do the DIY and mums don't all make clothes and toys. 😂 We explained it has nothing to do with roles or boy/girl etc but it's just about what people's strengths are.

[@scilines]

Wonderful video. I hope the discussion leads to gender neutral formal terms for business or customer service. All we have now is “sir” or “ma’am”.

[@bumpgrrl]

there's a tiktok audio that I hear a lot of that's a dialog between an adult and a kid that goes kinda like k: "Are you a boy?" A: "No" K: "Are you a girl?" A: "No" K: "Are you just a person, then?" A: "yeah" *audibly melts*

[@michaelaberry1276]

Loving my martial arts group trying to figure out an alternative term for sir and ma'am. My teacher also refers to the class as 'guys, gals and non-binary pals' and tells the kids to refer to their designsted grownup

[@Jacobenz]

100% behind inclusive language, they/them, trans-liberation, gay rights, etc. I admit to a habit I developed while still living under a conservative roof and teaching children how to swim. I referred to any child I perceived as a girl as "sweetheart" and boy, "buddy." Even though I interact with young people far less often now, when I do, this habit resurfaces unbidden. I wince a little after the word slips passed my lips. Apologies to any young person who heard this and felt invalidated, I'm trying to be better.

[@beezwacks]

my school counselor is nb and i'm questioning if I might be nb so I'm watching this vid to educate myself!! tysm