how dating for friendship gets you the love you want | Fumi

[@JoJo-xo6fh]

Friendship mindset prevents us from Ovver Romancinng the Relationship!!

[@jtaylor405]

The best relationships I've seen are couples who started as friends. Women today don't really realize that, the best guy for them is right in front of them.

[@brandonmiller2171]

How is that possible because it's hard to get out of the friendzone?

[@wokeonehere]

​@@brandonmiller2171tell me why u haven't gotten a response about this without telling me....

[@lianxie5582]

People can begin attracted, but choose to be friends because they want to confirm who this person is before deciding to comit

[@sasapetroski981]

True... Friend zone is best to start serious relationship and nobody understand that and that's very sad

[@dwightmccorvey5652]

I agree totally

[@tumweonlyartcore4115]

I do agree that being friends with a guy who you like is a great start especially if both of you guys want to learn each other, see if the butterflies are deeper and choose if you guys can be compatible in terms of dating and hopefully marriage if that is what you guys want.

[@kadd4415]

Awesome! You are debunking some really flawed cultural/social perceptions that are accepted but aren't helpful in relationships.

[@KIARALOVES]

I agree ....I'm in a relationship with my bestfriend . We started out as just besties when we were just kids we were not looking for anything and over time realized we wanted something more when u can connect to someone so deeply to the point where it turns into something more without u even realizing it's something truly special that I will always cherish, respect ,and be thankful for to be able to experience that in my lifetime ....💖💯

[@belzy02belindah28]

This is what I’m doing now with a guy who was married 25 years. We were physical twice and he didn’t just disappear and kept turning up as wanting to get to know me more with friendship. It’s hard but have to put aside the expectations and go with the flow. It takes the pressure off all the “dating rules” and taking things personally.

[@liit4m8]

How’s it going now, if you don’t mind my asking?

[@sasapetroski981]

Relationships are best when start with friendship because then both sides have enought time to know each other better 😊😊😊so don't put somebody in friend zone and stay there forever.. That's very sad. Me and my girl start with friendship 1 year and today we are together 7 years already... Time fly and I really love her❤❤❤

[@ninagrace-lee8323]

I can understand but I don’t think you can force it though. Most people meet their partners through a friend, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they start out as friends. They were attracted to each other from the beginning and dated quite soon after meeting. Of course, you can become friends while dating. If you actually get courted by a man, sex isn’t on the table and you could easily deepen the friendship that way. But again, that’s a decision you make while dating…not pretending to be just friends with someone you’re clearly attracted to romantically

[@iiyou9321]

Really need this! Great insight. I just ended a 2-month "dating" with a guy. Dating was so hard for us cuz we live in different countries. We texted everyday and called whenever I want. But I was so insecure to ask him for validation and travel to my country to meet me (it's only 2-hour flight though). He backed off and said only wants to be friends... I really like him a lot and I don't think I can handle this friendship. After watching this video, I decide to reevaluate our compatibility from friendship while not rejecting chances of meeting other guys and focus on improving myself. Thank you Fumi!

[@day-dreamer1313]

This is exactly how I'm approaching dating right now. ❤

[@ButterflyT23]

I'm so glad you put this video out here. I have been saying this for years to some of my best friends.

[@combobreaker449]

I’m codependent, so this video is helping me break down my poor boundaries. Really trying to practice detachment, and this is exactly what I needed to see.

[@almaaenergy]

This is so true. Building the connection beyond the physical is so important. Especially if you want marriage. What do you think about the shift in womens perspectives of marriage not being the goal as much as it use d to ?

[@dennisrobinson8008]

Because mens view shifted due to it appearing to be nothing but risk for him. Can you put yourself in someone elses shoes and see what they have to face?

[@Mahamaven]

This sounds like a great topic for my next podcast episode 👀

[@almaaenergy]

@@Mahamaven I think it’s a great topic . Women have so much more choice because we are awakening to our worth and so is society . I’ll be on the look out for your perspective 😉

[@moonp8576]

Agree, but I have met lots of guys who fear that they might be put in the friendzone/might be seen as friends material. They ask me pretty fast if I am interested in them in a romantic way or not and pay attention if I treat them as friends from the beginning. What should I tell them? It is like they don't wanna waste time with someone who sees them as friends.

[@Mahamaven]

It’s ok to tell him you’re interested and want to get to know him! This is more about your mindset, and maintaining healthy balance for yourself

[@RaisaAngelMartin]

Thank you so much for this video , cause I would love a friendship turn into a relationship if it's meant to be but I also don't wanna hang on to this guy for the rest of my life if things don't go our way.

[@anandanabila8439]

Friendship is even better ❤

[@mariee3658]

She’s not saying tell or put him in the friendzone just in your head to see him as a friend because relationships are just more intimate friendships..do you guys values compatibility align etc don’t just jump the gun and get into a relationship/ have sex with someone you don’t know or their intentions for you we often get blinded by wanting them that we don’t evaluate why do they want us sometimes they just want a listening ear/ sex buddy but we overlook it by not treating them as someone we need to get to know..If you deem them as safe to go further then allow them to court you etc they should already be taking you on dates

[@Mahamaven]

✅Current Programs Intimacy eBook - www.btpbyfumi.com/on-your-terms Intimacy Course - www.btpbyfumi.com/celibacy-course Healing, Mindset, and Personal Development - www.btpbyfumi.com/join ✅Work with Me 1:1 Coaching - www.mahamaven.com/fumi-coaching/ ✅Freebies FREE Newsletter - www.mahamaven.com/newsletter FREE Discord - discord.gg/KWqFR68yX5

[@Promentalist]

I love to hear you speak Fumi ❤ I always want longer content from you

[@bri4njeff3rs0n]

The role psychological frames play in human attraction often appears under-represented in the conceptualization of relationships I've witnessed from the fairer sex. To my best knowledge, some women (arguably a significant percentage) don't tend to look for specific moral qualities and or values compatibility in a relationship prospect from the outset as much as they seem to detect rank [and] role in social settings; their predilection (read: attraction) appears to be intensified by character traits which increase the possibility of a man's [perceived influence over his environment] or tempered by lack thereof. The difference between being a male friend with no attraction or consideration from a woman and the object of her affection appears inextricably linked to the percentage of these stimulating social [indications] exuded from his total behaviors. All subsequent judgments about likeability or friendliness appear to be on condition of this otherwise mysterious (to the observing woman in a setting) factor of chemistry (meaning observed non-verbal cues and situational social context which appear to indicate the tendency towards having [social influence] in spaces the man occupies) which in turn determines a man's desirability. [From an analytical standpoint, It doesn't appear to matter whether this quality manifests itself in the man as charisma or as aggression, although it appears to matter woman-to-woman, (I believe for myself it is important to always be moral) as long as the man has the ability to influence the movements of those around him in such a way as to ascertain success, gaining compliance from others and access to resources by means of his own behaviors in social settings.] This phenomenon doesn't appear absolute in all cases but the occurrence happens frequently enough to be significant to mention. A woman would never have to fear the friend-zone because she's the one who does the friend-zoning; it's a bit like telling a man not to fear getting 'knocked up.' It's mostly improbable. Due to the nature of gender, friendship between those of opposing genders always harbors the risk of the development of more intimate feelings, again on condition of these tacit behaviors which infer [habitual] social role. This appears to be why [having] many men as regular members in [a woman's] friend group can appear to be a negative to some men.

[@Beescorner97]

This is a life-changing view.

[@rosiegiesler4705]

I think the right person for you won’t really put you in the friend zone. At least that is how I see it, I have this with my best friend, she and i would be perfect for each other same dreams, same personality, same interests and all that. However she has a boyfriend (where both bisexual) I’m not waiting around for this girl I’m definitely not acting on how I feel for this girl. And when she is in a relationship I am not ruminating on her feelings for me. Because non of it is important. All that is important is that I am a good friend she can trust. No other motives, I’m not going to sabotage there relationship or happiness. Because it’s not right. if they are the right person for me I shouldn’t need to wait around to find out. It will just happen through being myself. And when they break up because she tells me all the time he’s a dick. If i a single or in a relationship I will be her friend through the break up and let her have her fun. And if we both happen to be single at the right time then we will see if I feel the same and if I am right. But people that put you in the friend zone are always going to be in the same zone to have a successful relationship with you. And you’ll move through the friend or romantic zones together

[@triplethreat9168]

She’s not saying break up another relationship because your friends already with someone . She is saying it’s a mindset! Dating someone that is interested in you , whom isn’t dating another person , asking can you be friends with this person ? Not just intimate !! Do you also like them as friends ??

[@Saturnthesixthplanet]

It is friendship until the check comes to the table👀

[@gg41r]

I have fallen for my freind. Me and my other freinds, think she does have feelings too....BUT....she has been seeing a guy for much of this year. My freinds (male and female) believe she is maybe keeping her options open? Thing is, she isnt exactly glowing when talking about this guy. I am actually worried she might be getting love bombed. there are about 8 classic signs (from wht i have learned) that he has done, that are classic signs of a love bomber. BUT, i cant say anything, as if i do, it could be turned on me. She split from the guy a few months back.....but got back with him, as he was "persistent". He wouldnt leave her in peace. Suffice to say, me and this lass hang out regular. She tends to be touchy feely with me. There is classic mirroring behaviours going on too with her. She is always laughing at my attempts at humour. Anytime i suggest doing something fun, she is super hyped and replies (enthusiastically) "lets do it!". But i am being respectful of her current relationship. For the record, at the start of this year, before this guy arrived in her life, she had told me a few times, that she would date me. As soon as he is on the scene, i got freindzoned. Im not sure whether i should be less available to her or continue in my ways. I thought maybe i would try and show her i would be a great option for her, should her relationship end. I am trying to stealthily, be everything her current partner isnt. The other night I paid her a wee compliment. She loved that! Id love to at least get a proper chance at giving things a go with her. I do worry my chance has been and gone though. I am super confused as how to deal with this situation

[@loulousisi3667]

I am going through the very same experience. It is very hard but they are a lesson to remind us that we can actually create a deep bond with someone but we must do it with someone willing to reciprocate equally. In this situation, this is not the case. You will get hurt over and over again. I don't think you should keep being nice to the person and stand in the gap every time they need entertainment or confess to someone. GET out and leave her alone for your sake

[@jddmar]

Beautifully said, Fumi 😊

[@kosisochukwuchukwuma5425]

I tried to use this approach with a guy I was talking to and all that but I noticed the conversations were pretty poor if I wasn’t the one carrying it all the way. He’d text or call me when he felt like he needed someone and wouldn’t show empathy when need. Mind you he was the one who asked a friend for my number telling me he likes me and all, does starting with friendship mean they don’t have to put as much effort??

[@tumweonlyartcore4115]

People have different reasons for dating others want to clap cheeks, others want to get married, others are lonely ..I think when you see a person intentions , you have to decide if you want to continue seeing him or cutting him off.

[@mariee3658]

I don’t think you tell them you want to be friends first that stays in your head to determine if they’re someone you’d get along trust and be comfortable with…Go with your gut if it feels like he just needs a friend/listening ear don’t hope for anything more and then put him in the friendzone..If y’all are ready and decide to want to be in a relationship he should court you and do the romantic gestures that you need/expect to win you over otherwise he never will and if he doesn’t want to he’s just not that into you

[@danbil91]

Sry you both sound like duds

[@kosisochukwuchukwuma5425]

@danbil91 Out of my comment with your negative energy. Thank you

[@jayq4374]

How do you get past sexual frustration

[@Tayo-Seis_biggest_fan]

Very late to the party here, would this still apply to me and my situation where we started off intimate and romanticizing eachother but then, but then she realized she didn't like me in the ways she felt she should, but she still really really likes Me and feels like that would take pressure of us, and she still sees an us, I just wanted some extra advice or input, because I still really really like her but I also want her to feel Validated and affirmed in her feelings

[@anthonynosike]

But how long should the friendship last before a relationship? Me personally I think a month is good time otherwise we must not be a good fit for each other

[@mimikenya2021]

I would say, just try and be present. Don't put set time frames to when things should happen. Let them happen naturally, try and become present and enjoy the process.

[@anthonynosike]

@@mimikenya2021 agreed, thanks so much!

[@aminahhadi6536]

@@mimikenya2021 I don’t think I’d want anything more at that point.

[@antonioparks2287]

Great video! This definitely seems like a healthy approach to meeting someone with the goal being a long lasting relationship. However, what is the best setting to meet someone new with this approach? Would that still be useful when meeting someone on an app? Cause how else to you meet people if you dont go to bars or clubs? 😂🤷🏻‍♂️ Follow up question, lol, do you feel it’s healthy to date multiple people as friends to see if something grows with one of them? If so, should you make it known?

[@lala5061]

It's called evenly yoked!

[@aminahhadi6536]

Well how long do I need to be in the friend zone before we can date? It’s hard for me to build feelings if the intent was friends. Like I’d expect it to stay as friends if we start as friends.

[@triplethreat9168]

If your friends and there is romantic chemistry there , the relationship will naturally evolve and any relationship would . I think it’s more a mind set or label . If you are going out, talking , learning about each other , with each other , checking on each other etc, your in a relationship ! Call it friends or dating I don’t think label matters . All relationships go through stages ! You will naturally evolve into more of that makes sense !

[@owenleal]

​@@triplethreat9168 thats a good way of looking at it.

[@danbil91]

Walk away

[@Oloid-d7v]

Am a man, but this was helpful too

[@jiayichan6159]

How about a friend who said he prefer me as a friend than a date, any way to recover from this state? I want to date him more as a date

[@katescame1]

Same situation here. As much as i like this advice, this only applies when the other persom see you as a friend. But if he treats you as something special then it may be a breadcrumming situation. Its time to let go.

[@jiayichan6159]

@@katescame1 Yes sadly, its been radio silence since the last date. He doesnt view me much more than an acquaintance. But cool thing is we work in the same company, tho different departments... Any chance to rekindle smth? I still have excuses to ask him out

[@Mahamaven]

He is not interested and you should move on. The point of the video is your mindset, not his-he should definitely have intentions to be more.

[@katescame1]

@@jiayichan6159 I’m so sorry my friend but my advice is don’t chase. Put the focus on yourself. What I did, is I friendzone him too haha. So we are friends and we don’t talk our feelings not because I like him but I know he’s not gonna like what I will say. As long as he’s dating someone else, he has no chance with me. I know girl it’s hard at first. I went though steps to get to this state of calm. 1st think about the fact he don’t like you in a romantic way therefore there is no good future in that. And what I meant is even if you will seduce him, chances are he would cheat and at the end you’ll be hurt. 2. Make a spill, start but writing down something like ‘he don’t like me, I don’t have a future with him, he will never like me’. Read this out loud every time you think of him. I promise you it will get easy. 3. Find a new crush. It doesn’t matter if it’s a celebrity or manga character. Your emotions of excitement will be poured here rather than on him. 4. Live your life. Find activities that makes you happy that is without him in the picture. These works for me. I am confident I would help you too. Be strong my girlfriend. You don’t want a man who is not into you. The right person will come and this one is attracted to you, no mixed signal, no plays. 🙏🙏🙏

[@gothicyid]

How does this work with being physical cause I don't kiss my friends.

[@Mahamaven]

I don’t kiss men I’m just getting to know so works for me

[@Gotoh1YuchiLover001]

Thank you!!👏🏻🙌🔥

[@rufusdavis137]

Really wished somebody had told me this before I had made the mistake of “ blindly” getting with my now ex-girlfriend last year….cause NOW she rather us be friends. And mind you she’s the one who came at me first and told me she was falling in love with me two days after I gave her my number like seriously!!!!!🤬😡🤯

[@redvelvetsprinkles]

PREAAAACH!!! 🙏🙏🙏

[@Mahamaven]

✅Work with Me Intimacy eBook - www.btpbyfumi.com/on-your-terms Intimacy Course - www.btpbyfumi.com/celibacy-course Healing, Mindset, and Personal Development - www.btpbyfumi.com/join 1:1 Coaching - www.mahamaven.com/fumi-coaching/ FREE Newsletter - www.mahamaven.com/newsletter FREE Discord - discord.gg/KWqFR68yX5

[@bkstandard882]

The friendzone? Men can't get out of that. It's rare

[@Critical-Thinker1111]

I totally agree with you @Fumi, thanks for posting this - more beautiful women should know that