Making an impossible choice

[@Jacqueline888]

My mom once told me that no matter what choice we make, we will still mourn the loss of the path not taken. It’s ok to be sad for a life we imagined but cannot have. It doesn’t mean we regret our choices or live in regret. It’s like a form of nostalgia for something that only existed in our imagination.

[@Sarcasticron]

That's very wise, thank you.

[@grannyjann]

That bit of wisdom helped me today. Thank you and thank your Momma for me please.

[@sootycat2740]

I really like this

[@angstydoodles1101]

I feel that sense of mourning when I choose rotini over rigatoni. I can only imagine what it's like after choosing to keep your leg or amputate it.

[@eleanoreliz]

This reminds me very much of a quote from a "Dear Sugar" advice column written by Cheryl Strayed. (The question asker was torn between having children or not). "I’ll never know and neither will you of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore." I've found it very helpful to be able to acknowledge that the other path was good in its own right, without having to feel like acknowledging that means I made the "wrong" choice or that I regret my choice.

[@Cernoise]

“You only know what you know when you know it” reminds me of Mama Doctor Jones saying, “You do the best you can with the information you have” (usually about people who feel guilty about things they did while they didn’t know they were pregnant)

[@melaniekeeling7462]

Wise words to live by.

[@modernghost0]

I was thinking about that, too! It's great advice.

[@sssophie9292]

You can only do the best you can with the information you have at the time Love mdj 😊

[@angelagendreau3586]

@@sssophie9292 Yeah, she's awesome. This channel has good advice too.

[@LovelyLawla]

I had came to the comments to share MDJs phrase as well! I love seeing when two communities overlap!

[@ShadesofShannon]

I made the decision to have a hysterectomy after YEARS of suffering with endometriosis. I know it can in no way compare to amputating a limb, but it is a decision I can’t take back. I will also never be able to have biological children. Making a choice like this is very hard, and it took my years to come to that conclusion. So, I get it.

[@AshleyHx]

I've recently had a hysterectomy as well. I'm under 30 and had expected life to go differently. It's definitely not the same decision as limb amputation but you absolutely still made a very tough decision for yourself.

[@RianShafer]

I feel for you! I was 23 & the choice was not totally mine but when your inside parts are trying to come outside, it needs to be done. I did carry one pregnancy (out of 4) full term which should have been impossible but did lead to the hysterectomy a few years later. I truly did not realize how hard it would be later when I lost two serious relationships in a row. They wanted kids. Of their own. Their loss! Except for that, I do not regret choosing to live for my child & going on to have a good life.

[@CinkSVideo]

Suffering and struggle are not a competition. Your decision to have a hysterectomy absolutely compares to an amputation because it was your struggle. It was your life changing decision. You don’t need to minimize the magnitude because you might see (or others might see) it as less significant. It is significant because it was YOUR struggle. I’m sorry you had to go through that and had to make such a decision.

[@SimplyNuanced1]

I almost had a hysterectomy at 25 but was fortunate that the Mirena IUD helped. New research us emerging that supports a bacterial cause and a course of antibiotics resolves it. If this is the case it's excellent to make these steps on figuring things out but so sad that it's a fairly simple solution yet so many women have had a hysterectomy to solve their pain.

[@RianShafer]

@@SimplyNuanced1 That is fantastic that it worked for you. Shannon & I had endometrioses. I can only speak for mine but I do know many women have it & don't know how extensive it is until they go in (mine was through my belly button) & see it. Mine had actually been growing since birth, they actually called it a birth defect. I was a mess from puberty on & had no idea what was wrong & every doctor treated it different until they saw via a scope what was really going in there & it was pushing my cervix to the surface where I could actually touch it. I'd tried IUDs twice because I was not planning a child at the time, I was clueless I could not hold a child until after my 4th pregnancy but that is the one that stuck, the result was a perfect baby but also my parts being totally shot & all the stuff growing inside was pushing it's way out.

[@ElliottRodgers]

I fell and shattered my ankle. Messed about for ~7 years. It wasn't impossible decision for me. The surgeon in small hospital didn't believe I was serious about chopping off my leg. Until I took out a combat torniquet and told him I was saving for a surgical saw...

[@Am3lia77]

You did it yourself?!

[@RavenIsAnArtist]

​@@Am3lia77Based on the comment, he seems to have just said he was saving for the saw, and never actually got one. Then was taken seriously and had it done professionally.

[@Am3lia77]

@@RavenIsAnArtist oh, that makes sense if it was meant as a threat

[@funkyk5086]

I said the same thing when I had non-stop leg pain caused by a degenerative disc in my spine that impinged my sciatica. My general practitioner didn’t seem to care until I said I’d prefer to have no leg.

[@wandamusictube]

Did you amputate?@@funkyk5086

[@TheGallicWitch]

The reason I started to follow you was because I'm considering amputation for my own ankle injury, with a very similar story to yours. Like you said, my first instinct wasn't to go to the surgeon, I wanted to see how other people were living with an amputated limb first, especially an ankle, and I found you a few months ago. Your videos are immensely helpful to me and have taken some of the fear and uncertainty out of this decision, while also giving me insight into challenges I never even thought about when my only thought was "if I don't have this ankle anymore, this pain will stop". So thank you for your nuanced view and your videos as I enter into talks with my medical team for this big decision.

[@vickiwaatti1076]

I started watching her right before my amputation from an injury to my right ankle / leg. I am now 2 years into having the amputation and am much happier because of it.

[@9983sp]

If it will never heal properly, cut it off.

[@zazajf]

Good luck!

[@conradmcdougall3629]

I'm in agony and can't walk without crutches. I find out soon about amputation. Do you guys think you made the right choice?

[@vickiwaatti1076]

@@conradmcdougall3629 YES! I am much happier

[@robertguildner2334]

As an amputee and clinical psychologist, I saw this as informative and supportive to others at the same crossroads. I have always appreciated you and your courage and emotional honesty.

[@thenopedetective]

That is so cool! I love working with healthcare practitioners who have lived experience, it's so helpful.

[@LaCafedora]

The word you want is "diverge." As in, "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;"

[@EricaGamet]

One of my favorite poems!

[@RianShafer]

I actually knew someone who had to make your decision. After a leg wound from an accident never healed closed, he opted for the amputation. I could not believe how happy & healthy he looked the next time I saw him! My decision was to have a hysterotomy very young. My body was making it for me anyway. It took a lot of mind work to get past it once it was done. I think there are times when our quality of life has to be the number one factor.

[@brooke286]

Hey Jo, I'm going through this decision right now after 11 years living with constant pain. I had a motorbike accident 11 years ago and shattered my femur tibia and ankle. I also had a high impact wound lower leg. This all happend to my left leg. Now, after 6 surgeries, I'm facing the decision to amputate my lower left limb due to nerve damage, chronic pain, blood flow to my lower Left limb decreasing over time. Also I have a shorter leg that has messed with my back and hip. I've done everything possible to save my leg, and now at the point I've seen a vascular surgeon that would be ok with lower limb amputation. I've thought about it for the past 2 years and am now going through the process to get this happening. I enjoy your videos as it shows that it is possible to do it and live a better life. So, thank you for your videos.

[@9983sp]

You shattered your left femur, tibia (lower leg bone), and your ankle. What exactly was your lower leg trauma? Did you break your fibula, or are you talking about the road rash?

[@jessovenden]

My heart goes out to you. On decisions: If possible, wait and see. New information, or medical advances may come. Once waiting is no longer an option act accordingly. Sounds like you’ve been waiting and trying everything you can already, but what would I know? My very best for your future.

[@thenopedetective]

I would assume they're not dealing with road rash given the blood flow and nervous symptoms they described.

[@01poppyblue]

Best wishes

[@JuliaJames-zx5xy]

Which is going to have a higher quality of life for you? I know that's difficult when you've had your foot & ankle for so long. I live with significant back pain, so amputation is not an option. I hope you have no pain if you travel the path of amputation. I broke my foot in early May & it's still not healed. Jo is the person that kept coming to my mind.

[@mkang8782]

The points you made about not knowing what you don't know, extending yourself grace, and being compassionate to yourself are so, so important. Thank you for putting them out there for others to hear. P.S.: Sofie was definitely in maximum cuteness mode on the couch with you.

[@ardenchaplin5389]

I have a condition called complex regional pain syndrome. Some with my condition do make the amputation decision. For me that’s not an option but I’ve definitely considered it prior to deciding it wasn’t an option for my presentation. Pain is one of the hardest thing to live with. I have lost the use of my leg and you don’t just cope with pain but you lose parts of yourself in those new limitation. Nobody just ever jumps straight into an amputation decision. It takes so much work and courage and I respect those decisions so highly.

[@andrewslagle1974]

I hope you feel better i really mean that, I had failed multi level fusion on my neck/spine .I live in chronic pain .I have learned to live with it but it cost me almost everything my job my marriage you get it .I have gained most back but the pain remains both physical and mental so i can sympathize .I have been in long term pain mgmt for years .

[@fayewhite-willinger8068]

This resonated so much with me. Hysterectomy is a serious life altering decision as well. Losing a body part that is dysfunctional is tough decision. I mourned the loss beforehand. This was my child’s first home, but I was in serious pain and slowly bleeding to death. It needed to go to allow me to have a better life. Not a perfect life but so much better. Thank you for your frank conversation about making tough life altering decisions.

[@justinsmith1698]

Jo thank you for your informational videos. I had a bad motorcycle accident 6/23/23 and on 6/28/28 I was unfortunately faced with the choice of years of surgery for a still possibly un-viable foot, so I chose amputation.... you were the first, and one of the only content creators I've found truly helpful in this trying time, thank you ❤

[@tboneaja]

Exact same thing happened to me, good luck with your journey..

[@jedikaren8112]

I did the same mental process about struggling at living home or moving 2000 miles to a bunch of strangers and see what happened. I picked option B and now have a full time job, a car, pets, friends, hobbies, and found happiness.

[@hy1684]

hey jo, I love what you said about blaming ourselves for the decisions we made, I used to blame myself for using unhealthy coping mechanisms like shutting my emotions, badgering myself with constant criticism, always striving for more in life, being extremely success oriented etc.but through the help of my therapist I realized that I was a very hurt person who did not know any better and I was doing the best I can with the tools I had at the time, if I knew any better I would have done anything to get better because at the core that was my intention at the beginning and it is the same now. I just now know better than that.

[@thenopedetective]

And if you've always "known better" that doesn't mean you had the capacity for safer consistent coping at the time! This is a big one for me.

[@hy1684]

@@thenopedetective yes, exactly this!

[@rainaraspberry4945]

the point about sitting with your feelings actually made me pause this video and take some time in silence to feel out how i was feeling with a hard thing im dealing with, and that actually helped me calm down a lot. thank you so much for voicing these things and posting them online, you're so amazing!

[@51623allissa]

"Give yourself some freaking grace".... something I'm leaning to do following a decision that I made 32 days ago when I realized I was no longer "safe" in the environment I was living in. I don't blame myself for his actions; however I do blame myself for the seemingly countless events and lives devolving the "situation" had afterwards. I'm currently and will forever be in a "safe place" away from him but there seems to be no escape from these thoughts memories and flashbacks related to that day and other events involving him. People tell me "it's not your fault"... How could it not be when I stayed until he did and said what he did and said on that day. Thank you for having the strength to share these last couple of videos. Though I've never had to make a decision such as "chopping off" a body part; I do know what it's like to make a life altering choice to speak up. My life was "simple" before. Now; I'm faced with essentially starting over and not knowing what will happen or where I'll end up when the dust settles. I'll get through it though; as you did/have and will continue to! You're amazing! Thank you for reading this and for sharing the content that you do! We've never met and likely never will but I feel like I can relate to you. Like I know everything will be okay because someone out there somewhere else is brave enough to share that she's going through/has gone through something similar from the mental health aspect. Thank you!

[@SheilaCrosby]

No, it's not your fault. You had reasons to stay until it happened, and they seemed like good reasons at the time. Most domestic abusers are skilled manipulators and make it very hard to leave. You are not responsible for other people's choices. And good luck.

[@51623allissa]

@@SheilaCrosby thank you.

[@anac9313]

Nobody chooses to be manipulated and abused. It wasn't your fault. It's often harder to leave abusive relationships than healthy ones, because in abusive relationships people are often confused, isolated (emotionally if not also financially) from others, and with a shattered sense of identity. It's hard to leave but you did it when you could. (I hope I understood correctly, so that this makes sense)

[@51623allissa]

@@anac9313 thank you. Yes it does make sense!

[@conradmcdougall3629]

Are you really comparing a bad relationship with losing a limb? I was physically, emotionally and mentally abused by my ex wife for years until I left. Every time the cops came because of her hitting me, I was put into handcuffs. It's been a few years and I don't think about it. I may need to have a foot removed. That is permanent

[@imogenoliver]

This might be one of the things that helps get me through the last couple months of highschool. As a disabled person it’s only gotten increasingly harder to just get to the end so thank you Jo, I needed this ☺️.

[@maribelgaynor8959]

"Fork in the road." 😊 I didn't have a choice , bypass after bypass and toes removed. I would have lost my life. You make it look easy. I'm a bilateral bka. It has been a long 2 yrs. 😢 You are really a true inspiration , I've been watching you since I had my first amputation a year ago. Thank you for your vedios.

[@iCookMe]

Deconverging isnt a word but diverging is! Thank you for sharing your experiences and better yet the thought processes you have gone through, you will never know the the extent of the beautiful connections you have brought into the world.

[@hurricane7800]

When I was about 11 we moved abroad and this makes me think a lot about the choice my parents had to make. In the end, it was the right decision and we all have a much higher quality of life, but there were points where it was hard on all of us. As a kid, most of it went over my head, and this gives me so much empathy for how truly difficult it must have been at times.

[@angelabernhardt6761]

It never ceases to astound me how relatable everything you say is. I made a HUGE decision to go through an experimental spinal shortening last year to relieve a congenital condition that was quickly causing me to be bedbound. I was so anxious about making this decision that I piushed myself into tachycardia. I know what you mean though about going into survival mode though and just buckling down when you’ve made a decision. I e been fighting against my condition my whole life and it’s hard to even remember what it was like NOT to be in survival mode but that’s what therapy is for. Thank you Jo, again, for so eloquently expressing so many of the things I feel but don’t know how to begin to express. ❤

[@wandamusictube]

How did the surgery go?

[@angelabernhardt6761]

@@wandamusictube Aww thank you for asking! All things considered, it went well! I'm no longer bedbound, I got some of the feeling back in my legs, and was able to return to work. I'm still dealing with some pain and discomfort and other symptoms but am much better off than I was which I am thankful for. :)

[@Doedee311]

Wow. Jo, I have not had to go through amputation but what you said today made me feel better about the decisions I’ve made and have in my future. I’m still working on them but your words were taken to my heart. Thank you.

[@cherylsanatore7631]

Hi! I find your videos very helpful. My trans daughter spent 37 years as a very unhappy male. She's been on hormone replacement therapy for 2 years and is going through a divorce. In March 2022, she had foot surgery, and in May, she was diagnosed with a MRSA-LIKE infection. In July, she was admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics, which didn't work. She made the decision to go with a below the knee amputation to save her life. I am so proud of her. She is an incredibly independent person. She's going to PT while she heals. Oh, she's had insulin dependent diabetes since age 10, so healing is slower than normal. She's amazing!

[@Ariplaygames]

Your daughter is incredibly strong and Im so happy she has you as support and hope she heals great and has a happy life!

[@melaniekeeling7462]

And it sounds like you're an amazing parent.

[@karendeakin9628]

What a strong pair you and your daughter hope things improve from now

[@floopyboo]

That is a lot for one person to go through. Big big hugs to your daughter.

[@waffles3629]

From another trans person, your daughter sounds awesome.

[@kerry3546]

As a lifetime horse owner and horseback rider, it’s a reminder that life changing horse accidents isn’t just spine/neck or head injuries. I love your attitude. One of my mares was an OTTB and she would never be left behind by her friends! Much love ❤️

[@ncc74656m]

"Ya gotta give 'em hope." - Harvey Milk One of my favorite quotes, and you and Harvey are right. Without hope what do we have to get through the dark times? Sure, there's the support of friends and family, the reminder that things can get better and improve, but we have to believe it, too. That's hope.

[@thatswhatshesaid14]

I need you to know how helpfull these videos are to me. In march 2020 I tore my left anterior tibialis tendons by stretching it. The most super simple stretch caused the most worst damage of my life. I had surgery to repair it and was left with a numb top foot and more pain than before the surgery. Ive had 3 years of pt, one year of omt, and all the shots and medications i can get. Although i am not near the point of needing an amputation, im very hopeful of that as my last resort. Right now im left with CRPS, and i use a pain cream with like 7 different things in it. Thank you for all the videos you make. They truley are helping and honestly, seeing you and how youve gone through your journey, has given me hope, that maybe one day ill be able to run again 💚

[@billpederson8397]

On July 21, 2023 my left leg was amputated below the knee. This was the most difficult decision I've made in my 75 years on earth. Like you, I am surrounded by family and friends who are incredibly supportive, but in the end, we are the ones that deal with all of the mental anguish, pain, fear, dread, etc. I spent 4 weeks in the hospital and TCU because of an infection in my residual limb, so I have still not had a prosthesis fitted. I spend most of my time in a wheelchair at home, trying to stay busy with some type of technical project, since I'm an ex engineer, software developer, pilot, entrepreneur, corporate exec and ex military. Being so restricted physically is a mental struggle for me. I think many amputees must face the same issues. Like you I dread the potential loss of my good leg, since it has almost exactly the same circulatory problems that the left one did. In the end, I had no choice on the left leg. My foot pain increased week to week, and I had virtually no future with the condition as it was, so amputation was my last hope to decrease my pain and regain some kind of future where I could walk. I appreciate all of the time you've taken to share your experiences over the past 4+ years. Sharing your joy and pain have reminded me of our shared humanity and our need to communicate and share with each other.

[@vickiwaatti1076]

Jo, you have been my go to person about having an amputation. I also broke my ankle horribly and after 10 operations, including 2 fusions, developing CRPS, I had my leg amputated below the knee. I started watching your videos right before my amputation. September 7th of 2023 was my 2nd "ampuversary"

[@TomTomLLong]

Wow... this is why I follow your channel. I suffered an injury on May 23, 2018, that put me on a very similar path as yours. Surgeries, pain, mobility loss and my life slipping away... all so very much your story. I actually came across your videos while googling about amputations in 2019. Also like your choice mine became "elective" and I even called it plan "B" in a discussion with my first surgeon. What you talk about in this video share is so incredibly accurate and true. I've had near matching setbacks as well, but through it all when asked if I still thought I made the right decision my answer is a resounding yes. Even on my "not so good" days now I'm better now than my "really good" days with my mangled-up foot. Your openness and discussions played a part in my decision to pursue amputation. I thank you for all you have done and are doing to make people aware of the real side of the story. It's not all guts and glory as some believe, sometimes it's not good and very difficult. Again, I thank you for all that you have done and all that you are doing. Stay strong... keep pushing forward.

[@jayshepherd5014]

Hi Jo. You nailed it when you mentioned that it had been ingrained in you to do for everyone else while neglecting yourself and your own needs. I myself was ingrained that way growing up, but since have found that if I don't take care of me, I won't be any help to anyone else. I have learned too that the one person that stood with me was myself. I love your content. Keep up the great work!😊

[@robertfindley921]

You made me realize some people struggle with indecision over decisions with no consequences (dinner), and some struggle with indecision over decisions with huge consequences (amputation). Perhaps some with both and some with neither. I wish you well.

[@ChronicReader]

I get this! I had chose to get a transplant or not when I was 21, and I’m really glad I did, because if I had waited to get listed until it was necessary and no longer a choice it would have been too late. It’s so funny, people always say “you have been through so much, I don’t know how you do it” or something similar. They just don’t get it - there is no other option. You make the best choice for you and don’t look back, just focus on moving forward.

[@CherryCruller96]

My friend was hit by a drunk driver and had terrible damage to her leg. She wanted to have her foot amputed but doctors refused because she was so young. After about 10 years of pain, she just died of a drug overdose. They wouldn't let her make decisions about her body, but were fine to prescribe her opioids. Glad that doctors listened to you.

[@jennster360]

I am so sorry for your loss 😢

[@melissafields3376]

Your comment of "stay the course because it's easier "; really hit home with me. My situation was no where near the trauma of what you've been through; I was just living a life that wasn't good for me nor my partner of 32 years. When I finally made the decision to leave; my daughter was actually very understanding and said "it's about time ! You've been unhappy for a long time but was afraid of "rocking the boat (life you had)". Thank you for sharing your story ❤ .

[@3dprintingtrucker628]

Just had my below the knee amputation in July still healing and learning how to do things now

[@ElliottRodgers]

Just keep give yourself time to heal, time to adjust and get used to it all.

[@bekkatheman]

I had to make a decision to get a vagus nerve stimulator when most of the seizure meds I had tried failed. Even dealing with the fact that Ill be dependent on meds regardless, but this will be a step in taking less medication. I got the implant in 2015, and i never looked back. I had made the best decision, even if it meant no more MRI's, and metal detectors.

[@neva.2764]

Interesting. The vagus nerve gets plenty attention in the last few years. It's an important one. Did you get rid of the seizures?

[@bekkatheman]

@@neva.2764 it helped with the smaller ones. I still take medications for the larger ones.

[@ebl36]

DIVERGING! It’s DIVERGING! You’ve probably remembered or googled the word by now.

[@newcastleman86]

Your dogs are adorable! Love the new layout. 😊

[@kirstymd5878]

I needed this video Jo thank you 🙏 I’ve mentioned in a few posts ive watched of your videos that I’m deciding if I amputate my right leg or not and last week I met with a surgeon and I’m booked in for the end of the month and have been back and forth in my mind if I have made the right decision. So hearing all of what you said has helped so much. Thanks Jo 😊 You have no idea what you have done for me over the last 2 years or so since I found your channel.

[@bstar2294]

Thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm forever grateful! I'm currently living with severe chronic pain in my left ankle, and I'm in the process of looking into amputation. I fractured my left ankle in 3 spots, dislocated it, and tore almost all of the ligaments and tendons in my left leg. I got this injury when I was 14yo in 2016 while rollerskating with a friend. I've had 4 surgeries and 3 procedures on it, and I'm constantly in and out of the hospital. I've had to relearn how to walk 3 time's, and have been in physical therapy once a week ever since it happened. My mobility is very limited, and I'm in constant pain. There's so much scar tissue that my left ankle is twice the size on my right. The 3 procedures were to get rid of scar tissue, but it always came back. If you happen to read this, do you have any advice for me? What questions should I be asking?

[@jennyohara607]

So much wisdom, applicable to all kinds of decisions. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, and for the reminder to grant ourselves grace.

[@niknoks6387]

I had pain and loss of feeling in my hand and arms. Turns out I had spinal discs pressing in my cervical spine. I had to make a gamble that I may be paralysed or it would work, after 2 operations, it worked. My arms aren’t as strong as they were, but I can use them. One look at the MRI scan and I knew what I had to do. Now I have metalwork in my upper and lower spine and I set airport scanners off. I also have a knee replacement, all this before the age of 46. So I know how you feel Jo. It’s pants, but we are still here to tell the tales eh! ❤️🇬🇧

[@prajitbose007]

I have daily been watching videos over your channel for the past week. You're truly an inspiration. From amputation to rising from downhill mental health... I don't have words to express how much I look up to you.

[@Starkyrie]

I am BINGING your videos right now because I am revisiting the thought of amputation. Broken foot with neuropathy for about 15 years now due to misdiagnosed mild spina bifida, physio hasn't worked, injections haven't worked, painkillers not really that great. Got another physio appt coming up, will revisit their suggestion of Talonavicular Fusion Surgery which may or may not lead to amputation. The difference between us is you sound like an active bean, whereas my lifestyle is a lot more mellow. Though I would love to go paintballing or trampolining with my friends, I'm also quite content in being on my computer being creative. So it's not like it's ''ruining'' my life, but the constant chronic pain has driven me to some dark places throughout the decade and a half. So we'll see...! I do take your advice with a pinch of salt, (so don't worry!) but at the same time you are the ONLY one I ''know'' who has gone through something similar to myself. Thank you as always for sharing your story :)

[@robertshurilla1954]

Tomorrow at 12:00 noon I become a left foot below the knee amputee, I have watched many of your videos and thank you as they have helped me cope. I know it was my only choice as i have been basically going through 3 surgeries and 16 plus infections. i’m ready to start my new chapter, look forward to seeing many more !!

[@j3o5h8n5j5a3y8]

You are awesome. Not only that decision that you made for your body, but to put yourself in the spotlight and in doing so, help so many others. Yeah, the self criticism and judgement is a bitch. You / we don't deserve that,

[@Infamous-K]

Thank you for sharing your story. It's such a gift to help people see the thoughts around this kind of decision if only because it begins to prepare folks for it.

[@michellecornum5856]

Thank you. I needed to hear this today.

[@muddpie4785]

This topic really resonates with me. I was born with a severe cranial cleft affecting pretty much my whole head except for my right eye. It's a long story involving waaay too many surgeries, pain, and illness over the course of my entire childhood. Pertinent to the topic is that when I was 10 yrs old my parents and I were faced with the fork in the road you mentioned. For me it was about whether to remove my left eye. It was just a terrible, 99% blind, infected, painful mess then, and the road forward seemed murky and scary with or without the eye. My conservative Christian upbringing, childish magical thinking, and limited understanding of the ramifications of choosing one path or the other led me to what I now believe was a misguided attachment to my eye, simply because it was mine - a part of me - and the thought of not having it anymore seemed like a bigger tragedy than the difficulty of keeping it healthy and pain-free. I decided I was going to "believe God for a miracle". 😛 Now it's 50 years later and I know I made the wrong decision. It's still a drain on my efforts to live a normal, active, pain-free, stress-free life. I'm finally ready at this point to be rid of it, buuuut my "insurance" won't cover it, and I can't get in to see a specialist anyway. (a whole other kettle of stinky fish- the mess our health care system is in this country) I've been told Medicare will cover it when I'm eligible for that. I hope my other health issues won't worsen in the mean time, preventing me from having my long-overdue enucleation (eye removal). I guess time will tell.

[@01poppyblue]

Best of luck on your journey

[@muddpie4785]

@@01poppyblue TY. 🥰

[@jessovenden]

Oh your country’s lack of decent healthcare makes me sad! I have heard of US citizens going to Cuba, Mexico or even Canada for health care that they need but can’t get at home. It was a while ago, could you possibly still do that? Almost any other country but the USA. Which is appalling and sad.

[@marymegrant1130]

If you were receiving Social Security Disability, you would be eligible for Medicare. There may be a waiting period to join Medicare

[@GaelyneGasson]

I've lost a body part - and made other "impossible" decisions. I left my family and home and moved to another hemisphere. That was hard and for some would have been impossible. This was in the very very early days of the Internet so I couldn't really research but I had a faith that this was right for me and stuck with it. I also came here for a year and lived with the people I'd be spending the rest of my life with - I thought.. So when I made the big final decision I knew what I was getting into, and for twenty-five years it was my happy ever after. Sadly, my husband got lung cancer and died in 2018, just a year short of our 20th wedding anniversary. I'm living in the home he grew up in from the age of 11 when his family moved to Australia from England. I had breast cancer that appeared just shy of our 1st wedding anniversary. To just write 'that was hard' is such an understatement. But I was never given a choice about losing my right breast. There were four tumours and the doctors said it has to be removed. I didn't argue about it. But there was a lot of feelings I had about it that I didn't get to express or think about (process) at the time. I think in some ways we process stuff like this over years and years of time. I had had 3 children that I'd breastfed. I felt it was a significant loss of a reminder of the loves in my life (kids and otherwise). So I'm still now and again processing things. I had reconstruction surgery and I'm ambivalent at best about the replacement. It's not the same size, has no feeling and seems to just be there so others in the swimming changing room aren't freaked out. It even has a fake nipple that's got tattoo colouring (it was part of the reconstruction). But, it was a botched reconstruction. They had to do an emergency skin transplant to keep part of the reconstructed tissue that was moved from my back from dying due to a lack of blood supply. There are some hellacious scars, both on the front and my back is a criss cross mess of scarring that has hardened and the nerves are wonky on them. I have lymphodema from the original surgery that is in my trunk, so it also affects those scars and limits movement. But given all that, I am still here. I was able to be there for my husband when he needed me most, as he was there for me when I had to go through a life altering circumstance. I just wish his had been a lot less altering for both of us. So I live alone with my two cats and most of my conversations happen on the computer. I've been asked several times about moving back to Michigan but ... this is my home now. And that's that decision. As I get older (I'm 62), I do worry about being alone without any family here and it's a worry, but again, there's a faith that somehow it will turn out ok. I just don't have all the answers to that yet but it'll come eventually and I'll recognise it when I see it. ((Hugs))

[@elianna838]

I love the way you narrate the path you took leading to where you are today. You come across as very insightful and intelligent so its a joy to hear your perspective. Thankfully I dont have any limbs to cut off but I do face making extraordinarily difficult decisions. Oftentimes I find that there is no clear cut answer or path forward until you've exhausted all possibilities.

[@lilyfox313]

I think the making a decision and sticking with it is really important. I always overthink, but actually having a point where you just go "no, this is what I'm doing and that's thst" is the only way I've been able to be final about certain decisions. I also find that my gut reaction is usually the one I i end up going with, so taking into account your emotional feelings is super important. Great video, I'll definitely revisit it if I have difficult decisions in the future

[@jwinning9747]

Your comments about decision-making & navigating the circular 'what if' train & the decision-making paralysis (and tendency to just stay in what we know even if it isn't going to be good), as well as the advice about how to move through all that AND how to deal with the effects on the other side ...SUCH wise and helpful words that are applicable to SO many kinds of big decisions!!!! Exactly the words I needed to hear right now. Thank you!

[@RSW6666]

Fellow BKA here. My fifth anniversary is coming up on Dec 7 2018. Unfortunately my choice was amputate or die due to a diabetic infection that had MERSA and Gangrene. I went for months trying to get my heel to heal and then I had 24 hours to make my decision. More infections followed and I didn't go home for 13 months (01/2020). It actually changed me from a self hating alcoholic to a person who was glad to be alive. By comparison getting shot was way easier. But I now know that if I'm awake and alive I will fight for each breath. So from here to the end it's all gravy; the game gave me a free extra life. I have more time, the ultimate gift. I'm a little off your topic, but sometimes the aftermath is as important as the decision.

[@malusdraco3793]

So, right- I'm absolutely terrible at decisionmaking, actually going through with things, etc. My philosophy is to wait until a better path is available and to choose that instead. Unfortunately following that with my mental health resulted in a week-long psych ward stay and a very noticeable scar. It's definitely not applicable in every situation- especially one such as opting into amputation- but what I tell people when they've expressed they're struggling with mental health is this: You can make a decision now, or you can wait until you do not have a decision to make. You can go get help now, or you can wait until it gets bad enough you slip and someone else makes the decisions for you (which sucks, and you'll hate it).

[@6000countingdown]

I believe "diverging" is the word you were looking for. Love your work!

[@Jrcunion]

You made my descisiom to become a RKNA on Oct 4th 2022 easier. You will never know or even read this but you are an inspiration and a huge factor for my family when it was time to make my decision!! My biggest point I would make is when you get your leg cut off, going to the bathroom sucks for a few days, your stump just hangs out and HURTS! Other than that you did a great job explaining everything I needed!

[@davidjtefft]

I chased a necrotic heel wound for a year and a half.following you gave me the courage to amputate bka best decision since marrying my wife

[@markd2793]

"Hope" small word big meaning. Agree, without it, not very much is left. Thankful or not, everything changes over time. Sometimes, it is not fast enough. Sometimes in the blink of an eye. Thank you for sharing some of your experiences. As a club member since 2014, they have been helpful to me.

[@FireVixen164]

Chronic pain management is a fascinating medical challenge, and for anyone dealing with it, I encourage seeing a pain specialist. There's a lot of psychological treatments these days which can really help many people, even when there's a physical cause of pain. Unfortunately many people still see pain treatment options as confined to the physical - medicines, surgery and, more rarely, physical therapy.

[@greenliter1]

I relate to trying to give yourself grace when you haven’t grown up as a self loving person. I’ve just now started looking at what’s good for me instead of other people. I also got hurt, emotionally, by a job that I had dreamed of for so long, only for them to let me and 20 other teachers go. I’m terrified to put myself out there again, but I know that this thing that feels hard is something that gives me the hope of fitting in right where I need to be, so I can make an impact on kids lives, kids who need it!

[@karendegraaf1146]

You are strong, personable, and very wise. A joy to watch.

[@mickmash13]

Something you said about all the research into amputations vs. surgeries and all that really struck home. I've never been in a position where I've had to make a life-altering medical decision, but with other stuff (like moving cities, leaving a toxic job, etc.), I do the same thing. What I've realized is that I'm almost trying to talk myself out of a decision I know I need to make by researching. It is important to research important decisions, but it can also be a shield or lead you to "analysis paralysis" as a friend of mine calls it.

[@helenbryant404]

I really feel this. I might have ADD/ADHD and that's exactly what I do - I spend so long trying to make a decision that I end up going nowhere!

[@SomniiLinn]

Having someone with your experiences speak out on a big platform is amazing. You are brave, and you spread knowledge and understanding, and surely you help many in similar situations as you! Props Jo, I love your videos!

[@taissasantos718]

I'm currently going through some things and you have absolutely no idea of how this video helped me. Thank you for your sight upon this, for your words, and I'm sending lots of love for you right now! ❤❤❤

[@bookish_heather]

So grateful for this today. Not exactly the same but I made the decision to have the hearing bones taken out on my left side. I'm so tired of surgery after surgery (9 in 5 years) I'll have to have another surgery after in a few months to put in a prosthesis. But I'm so weak and so tired. Constant infections are awful. My family like you talk about call me a burden and being a people pleaser it's hard to make that decision to be more of a burden. I know they won't learn asl I know me not being able to hear will bug them and they won't be supportive but like you I had to stop and do what was best for me not them. So October 24 I'm saying goodbye to my hearing and dealing with the windfall after. I'm so happy I watched this today you helped me stay strong in my decision and helping me choose me .

[@neva.2764]

Good luck on your journey!

[@jayylad38]

you perfectly described how i went about deciding to transition. getting top surgery in two days. scared shitless of anesthesia and struggling with the anxiety. i really needed to watch this today. thanks jo.

[@OscarSommerbo]

Good luck with surgery!

[@karendeakin9628]

You’ll be good and the joy you’ll have after it’s done will be priceless good luck

[@scobeymeister1]

If it helps, I've been through it, and I survived! All surgical recovery sucks and doubly so if it makes it harder to use limbs afterward. But you'll make it through, I promise. You're probably gonna go through some pretty intense lows after the fact but the surgery itself is the easiest part by far - your surgical team is doing all the work for you! Legit when they start the anesthesia it's like you slowly fade out and then you teleport to the recovery room. It's actually kinda nice. Very magical feeling. And like not gonna sugar coat it, recovery was pretty gnarly emotionally. But it's still the best decision I've ever made, and I'm sure you've made the right one too. Wishing you an uncomplicated procedure and a swift recovery, my friend ❤

[@mohaddock1080]

Hello Jo, thank you for sharing your insight. I had chronic knee pain, 2 knee replacements, scope to clean out all the adhesions, YEARS of PT. 2 weeks after my knee scope in Oct 2018 I had lost all flexibility I gained from surgery. More YEARS of PT followed. Many, many discussions with myself, family & friends I decided to have an amputation. Oct. 2022 had a left above knee amputation. BEST DECISION EVER!!!!!!! I woke up in the RR and had NO PAIN. 2 days post op I went home. 11 months later still no pain. Learning to walk on my new leg I have had since March. Few bumps in the road with socket fittings, my stump is still shrinking but all going well so far. My biggest obstacle is getting my hips and low back to loosen up. With all the pain previously I ended up sitting A LOT. The couple of years before surgery if I walked 500 feet in a day, that was a lot. I have awesome PT assistants, prosthetist and a loving supportive wife. I am taking each day one step at a time. YOU have been an incredible inspiration for me. Please continue to accept and take care of you and I am doing the same. 😀💜👍🏻🦿

[@keel0611]

7:35 I believe the word you're looking for is "diverging" 😄

[@richardmoss5934]

Diverging I think is the word that you were searching for regarding roads that separate.

[@ruska9831]

This was a wonderful video to watch, thanks for sharing your perspective, Jo! I struggle a lot with making hard/impossible choices because I agonize over making the 'right' choice - when in reality, there is rarely a 100% right and ideal choice to make. There are always pros and cons and a ton of unforeseeable events or outcomes, but I still struggle to extend grace to myself when I realize in hindsight that I made the wrong call. Your words really struck a cord with me. I'll never know what I know until I know - wise words to live by indeed.

[@Gemelli2906]

I think I would have made the same choice, living in constant pain or amputating, even though its not problem free. I had to choose between chemo or no chemo * stage 3 colirectal cancer. I honestly didnt want to do it. I did it for my adult kids. Had I had no family I would have said no. Not to be selfish but the chemo ruined my teeth and soon I'll have to get dentures. I have nerve damage in my feet. If I walk without shoes it feels like walking on sharp rocks. Nothing to compare with losing a limb but you are a brave woman!

[@Patrick-rk9vw]

I love your cozy Fur baby on your lap during the video. Be safe and Happy Jo, Thanks for the videos.

[@laurachase4149]

I recently had to make the decision of whether or not to pursue yet another spine surgery for my scoliosis. I totally relate to what you said about needing to make the decision and stick with it. I find I even have to be careful when sharing my decision with other people because if they question it or try to offer advice, it can make me doubt myself, even when as you said, no one besides me is going to know if this is the right choice. Thank you so much for sharing!

[@MrARock001]

It is wild how we're all pretty good about showing compassion and grace to other people, or reading someone in the most generous way, but we reflexively refuse to treat ourselves the same way! I try to remind myself that if I really believe in compassion, it has to extend to myself or else I'm being hypocritical.

[@Judymontel]

All of this rings true for me in many ways, even without having to make a decision about amputation and even without all the years of incredible pain you and others here in the comments have had to live with. The only thing is that it didn't sound to me like there was a choice between something easier and something harder. Change is hard, and I resist change as much as the next person, but what I heard from your experience was not a choice between something really hard and something easier, but the choice between something really hard and UNKNOWN and something really hard and familiar. The problem with the change is the lack of familiarity of the situation. The life you were living with all those treatments and surgeries was really hard. It had become familiar, but it wasn't an easy choice. Thank you for sharing this - it really helps!

[@midonlynx]

I've been struggling with a worsening leg injury for 4 years now, I'm pretty sure it's messing up my knee, hip, back, etc. I live with constant pain and a limp :,) I'm grateful to be able to watch your stuff so I can try to hear a little bit more from someone with similar experiences before making a decision

[@suesmith5746]

I would add do not give up keep fighting. If plan A does not work out go to pan B,C and keep trying there may not be a "perfect solution" you do not need one. We just need good enough to get by for now. New information, feelings, experiences keep the situation changing. The worse your situation is the more likely it is that you can improve it. Twice I have had to hear my team of Drs tell my family I was worse every day there was nothing more they could do they expected me to die in 2-3 days. No one in my state had ever had the damage my body had and lived. I was only 49 and decided no one was going to tell me when to die. I wanted to live and I fought and worked though therapy after therapy. The second time was a few weeks after the first time and was much worse because I was awake and could see what was happening. I have some permanet damage but it is manageable. I went back to work full time in 6 months. I am now in my late 70's, to others my life appears normal. As I age some of the small problems have become worse, but I live alone and am driving on a 2000 mile plus trip for fun next week. If I have a bad day I may have to rest for a couple of days to recover. The only things I can not find a way to do are the things my Drs have told me not to do, Skiing, white water canoe racing, i switched to sailing, and climbing a ladder to cut trees with a chain saw. I still climb ladders and use change saws just not together. Also you can not do this alone you need a lot of help and support from family, friends and professionals. Most of my friends know I have some medical problems and may have to cancel out of something at the last minute, but they have kindly never asked what the heck is wrong with you and accept me as I am.

[@makerbell1688]

I got my Kenzzi in late July after you did the last advertisement, I really like it! It seems to be taking a bit longer to work on my (leg) hair, but it's definitely growing back slower/more patchy! Thanks for the recommendation!

[@modernghost0]

I see that a lot of the comments on here are also leg pain stories but I'm unoriginal and would like to vent about mine. So many of your words and emotions resonate with me. I had what was a seemingly minor sports injury in January of 2022. I pulled a tendon on my foot from pointing it too hard, and nobody thought it would be a big deal. My coaches stopped believing me because they thought it should've healed after 3 or 4 weeks but it still hurt incredibly bad. I couldn't move my foot hardly at all from a resting position because it hurt incredibly, which meant I was really struggling to perform. I kept pushing myself too hard because I've always been taught to rely on myself entirely. I was going to school for 8 hours a day, working 4 days a week, and swinging weights around for 3. Learning to be dependent on someone is really difficult. I can hardly walk, even with a cane. I've been gaining weight because I can't exercise anymore and I feel myself getting weaker. I used to be the strongest person on my team and always took a lot of pride in how muscular I was, and it's all going away now. I feel like I'm throwing my shoulder out walking with a cane because I've started waking up with incredible pain in my shoulder going down my back. I don't even know what's wrong with it. Hearing your story of pushing on for years and years is really inspiring. I'd be interested in knowing how you deal with that. I feel like I'm only a burden to my partner and roommate. We're all about to move out together into a house (my partner and my current roommate as well as one of our mutual friends and her partner) and I've been trying to find houses without any stairs because I don't wanna get stuck outside or in the garage. I so often can't do things. Since I walk with a cane, I usually can't carry much, and everyone else is left to pick up after me. I work with my roommate now because she's a manager and was able to get her boss to let me sit down most of my shift, but there's rarely that much I can do sitting and they often need extra help in standing roles. I still find myself pushing myself way too hard. I hop up and down at work even though I shouldn't but I feel so upset and useless if I don't. It's not that they force me to, nearly everyone there is extremely considerate and will ask me where I'm at and what I'm able to do, but the fact there are things I have to refuse makes me so upset and embarrassed.

[@kenzuganjacobs1010]

I had no idea your amputation was a result of a broken ankle. I am so fortunate because I broke both the bones in my right leg at the ankle and had to have surgery on both sides of it with a metal plate and tons of screws put into it, but I came out with a nearly perfectly functioning ankle again. It's mind blowing to think that it not healing properly and living with chronic pain from it could have happened. Very sorry that happened to you.

[@debbeasher-k4764]

I needed to hear that tonight. I may end up facing the same choice. I've wondered about it. You've given me a real world example. Thank you for being so open and honest with it. Thank you for what you said tonight. I needed to be reminded of this all. God Bless YOu!!!

[@sharonsparks4366]

The past about " you only know what you know " hit a nerve. I have not been able to forgive myself for a decision 3 years ago. I need to listen to this again and save for my depressed times. Thank you.

[@Brett33]

A knee replacement at 49 isn't chopping off a body part I guess, but after a torn meniscus root , a root repair surgery , 4 months of physical therapy , a re-tear of the root repair while in physical therapy and the decision to not redo the surgery and instead was advised to have a total knee replacement , I can definitely understand making the decision you did after many years of dealing with the pain and constant frustration with never being able to have the mobility and comfort you had before the accident .

[@SheilaRough]

I’m sure the constant pain has a big factor in deciding to go ahead with the surgery

[@thunderfury_fgc]

I have to say some of this does resonate with me. Completely different context, I'm not an amputee, but I am somewhat recently trans. After being in denial for a long time, taking the decision to finally look into it and allow myself to explore was probably the most difficult decision I took in my life (so far). It was in a sense a similar thing to what you say, I had to consider the outcome it would have on me, put that first over what it'd mean for other people. But also it was so full of ... unknown and scary things, much more than the decision to not do anything. I fine about the way I was, dysphoria wasn't really a thing for me, more apathy. But I had to consider the idea that yes, even if the path on the left is much scarier and full of unknowns, it also has a pretty good chance of ending up with me happier. Ultimately, that is what allowed me to finally take the leap of faith that it was. I'm still on that path full of unknowns for now, but already, I do not regret making the decision I made for now. I also still very much have more difficult decisions to make, not least of which ones that will have permanent effects on the rest of my life (starting HRT, gender affirming surgeries, name changes, etc. etc.), but I will be using the same logic and process for making all of them, and hopefully it will continue to serve me well.

[@conradmcdougall3629]

You are obviously a kid. This is a phase you will grow out of. Don't do anything that will be permanent.

[@arinnnnnn7]

Hey, you got this, realizing that you're trans is a quite scary, but it also is an important step, to hopefully, be happier. The world is scary, especially right now, take your time with it, don't rush yourself. I wish you the best of luck and I sincerely hope you're doing okay, have a nice day stranger :)

[@paincreatesfame]

Glad you found who you are ❤ I hope your journey is nothing less than everything you want it to be

[@matthewmcthorn2598]

I am having a BKA on the 19th, I have drop-foot due to a motorcycle accident. I did not do as much research as you probably did, because I did none.... but I just know it is the right decision. No braces will help and the other option is an ankle fusion, which did not sound conducive to an active lifestyle like I used to have. I definitely had that "de-converging" road scenario. Thanks for the info, great video.

[@janiejody1747]

I made the same difficult decision you did, Jo. For a different reason, I'm type 2 diabetic.but honestly, since the amputation, I'm steadily getting more and more depressed. I made the call today for psych help, thank you. Much love and respect. Jody

[@BriarLeaf00]

While I never had to amputate (back), I went through nearly 15 years of untreated pain before getting surgical treatment. I can only imagine how much worse your injury must have been. That's something incredible to overcome.

[@bradbrowatzke7236]

A lot of great advice given in this video. It sometimes comes down to knowing what you want to be the outcome, as you said. We were raised in similar backgrounds, my depth in the church community being moderately less than yours (I was too independent a child and hungered for knowledge all the time). My first choice was whether to have a spinal fusion for scoliosis or not. A simple choice, since the choices were to possibly expire during surgery or expire in a few months to a year from simply jostling the wrong way and suffocating. The expiry was guaranteed in the latter and was a 10-15% chance with surgery. I am here, nearly half a century later, and have had to make more choices, where your advice is, honestly, the absolute truth. My one hard lesson was learning to think of myself, and ask for help. Oh, the opposite of convergence is divergence, thought I should slip that in there. One question, did you ever pursue what affects or affected your healing? I was blessed with the exact opposite issue, and surgeries though few, have always been successful. Look into that, and it may help, as nerves are one of the most complicated systems in our body, but the easiest for the body to correct. Thank you for sharing your life lessons, keep strong and keep moving forward. See you next video.

[@jeanettaszerletich5118]

I felt this on a deep level. Last December, i was in a bad car wreck. At the time, both my husband and i walked away seemingly unscathed. However, i started having back pain about a month later. Spent all of this year looking for treatment options and whatnot only to come to find out that i am going to have to have back surgery in a few months, just a few weeks shy of my 30th birthday. It wasnt an easy decision, but weve gone through all the available treatments and this is whats left.

[@liamodonovan6610]

You are living you're best life jo you are not selfish at all you were right in you're decision it was a big and brave decision to make and i really admire you foe that

[@Jamie-so5ei]

I have always said "I have hope and I'm not afraid to use it".❤

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

1:07 I almost never make a comment about an ad but I have to tell you that I really understand the battle involves with your under pits!

[@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar]

A friend of mine recently well I see recent but it was probably five years ago… Made that same decision to amputate her foot after over a decade of it not healing from a crush injury when she fell off a cliff in the Caribbean!

[@Narrendor]

Facing some big, tough choices myself these days, this is a really helpful and comforting perspective. Thank you!

[@Zeldur]

I've actually been looking into at-home hair removal after you showed the kenzzi the first time a few months ago. I have male pattern hair growth so I've been growing a more noticeable beard over the past 2 years or so. I hope to be able to buy this one day and use it for that, along with other annoying areas like arm pits

[@PaigeA6741]

Reminds me of mama dr Jones “we do the best that we can with the information that we have” such a key thing to keep in mind! Thank you as always for Sharing your story!

[@TandBKount]

Very logical. I liked how you presented the information and gave grace for many aspects. It's hard to go against the grain but it often builds a better life.

[@bohickity]

I had two knee surgeries and I’m looking at a third. I have made jokes about cutting my leg off, but an AKA is a lot more challenging than a BKA. I really appreciate your description of living with chronic pain, and how debilitating it is and how it can warp one’s personality. Thank you for your insight and example of triumphing over a life altering event.