Making Friends

Research has shown that quality friendships are a fundamental to the mental and emotional well-being for 2SLGBTQ+ individuals. A close-knit circle of friends can help us feel less alone, affirm our identity, and alleviate the stressors that comes with being part of a stigmatized minority group.
But making friends can be challenging for many reasons. In this episode of #GayMenGoingDeeper, we're exploring the topic of making friends, and answering these questions:
1. What is the hardest part about making new friendships and how do you deal with it?
2. How can you become more “likeable” to others and still honour your individuality?
3. What steps can you take to expand your social network?
Whether you want to make more friends or improve the friendships you already have, this episode will give you plenty of tips and insights that will help you improve your social circle.
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ABOUT:
This is a conscious community for gay men to connect with each other on the journey of healing from shame and becoming more authentic and aligned to their truth. We aim to offer inspiration, support, connection, healing, and a safe space to show up just as you are. Our vision for the members is to learn to feel more comfortable showing up vulnerably so deeper intimacy can be established in our community. We dream of a gay community where everyone can feel more connected to one another in more ways than just superficial and we can feel less lonely and have deeper connections to one another.
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[@that1monk]

I moved to where I knew nobody due to very unfortunate circumstances. Making friends at 55 is so hard. It's overwhelming in many ways, particularly mixed with trust issues.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Indeed it can be. Perhaps you can find some local like-minded guys in the Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood/

[@stevefreedman470]

I have the same problem That1...I am 62 years old and cannot find other gay men my age. I get lonely and depressed sometimes because I haven't been able to connect with other gay men my age. I no longer do the bar scene any more...been there, done that for years...no longer doing it. I thought of going to our local gay center but it's over an hour away and sometimes don't feel like making that drive. I no longer do the sex thing but would love to have a companion to go out with, have dinner with etc. I'm doing the best I can. Let's chat if you'd like..be well😊🌈👍

[@stevefreedman470]

@@GayMenGoingDeeper I'm no longer on Facebook because of reasons beyond my control. Anything else you can suggest?

[@kensmall4725]

​@@stevefreedman470❤

[@genebcolon]

op- agree

[@deeptangshudas2661]

Discovering your podcast was one of the best moment of this bygone year! Wishing you three a fulfilling and abundant 2023! And a great discussion as always.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for being such a supportive viewer. We appreciate you! Happy New Year!

[@pppmanly]

Another great conversation, guys! All the best for 2023! I think Calan meant to say, "This is literally our last episode of 2022 [not 2023]."😃I am glad that Calan mentioned the challenge for transient people to build and maintain (new) friendships because they have to travel or move around a lot for work. I used to be in that position.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you!🙏🏼

[@brendanharrelson9061]

Tyler Perry plays MADEA. 👏 It’s big in the black community. But yeah he’s big on uplifting people.

[@jaketron.seattle]

around 22 minutes, he was way over calculating where a friendship will go, when if its true friend, the conversations will spark themselves.

[@jamesjohnson5341]

Happy New Year Boys! James xxx

[@robertccrocetti1460]

Thanks to each of you for your share! Awesome episode! As an old bro who moved from thriving gay DC to straight (except weekenders) rural Virginia , I needed to be reminded of the tools to make and keep quality friendships/relationships that work for me over a longterm basis. One question that came up for me concerns transitioning small talk to quality talk. One experience mentioned was to simply not participate in these social scenes or, possibly accept them for what they are i.e. noisy, small talk, brief interactions and move on. However, I want to be able to use these experiences to possibly transition into building a few quality friendships. For example, if I am at a party (dinner or cocktail, an outdoor event, gay or straight).......its noisy (lots of distracting movement and audio) lots of people, I meet someone who, after brief small talk, I believe might be a quality person who I may want to build a longterm quality friendship with. I have a hard time screening out the noise and focusing to transition the conversation into something more serious without it being interpreted as sexual interest.

[@ALEZANDAR]

People that are kind and caring are not judgmental; they fully embrace people and things as they are; I am talking from experience. These days I am more about listening than being opiniated. Ironically I learned that from a straight friend; he fully accepted me as I am. I find kindness and humbleness as the most endearing quality in anyone, gay, straight, bisexual, or anything in between.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. ❤

[@ALEZANDAR]

@@GayMenGoingDeeper You are most welcome. Finally a KZbin gay channel with substance!

[@jerkobozikovic4219]

This has been wonderful, 1st podcast I listened to, but been in the FB group since the beginning. Invited all my gay friends to join the FB group, and many have, which made me happy. God, I recognize so much of what you shared, been on a similar journey since I was 13 years, now 55 and still learning every day ;) . Matt, it was like hearing myself speak when you described yourself. A generation and a continent away (am in Belgium), but very related. Thanks for the amazing work everyone, much love ❤️

[@stevefreedman470]

I just finished watching my first broadcast and all I can say is, THANK YOU!!! You managed to talk about things I needed to hear and too afraid to ask. I am going to make sure I see your broadcasts often. Please tell me when you broadcast and what time. I found you on my You Tube...how often can I find your broadcast on YT? Thanks again and you made me feel better about things..God bless and Happy New Year!!

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

We release new episodes every Thursday ❤

[@gdStPete]

GDStPete, St Pete, FL...: Hope this podcast addresses how gay men can over come the influence of the hyper, masculine beer/vodka/Tom of Finland ads promoted looks.... I have a real job and don't have time to get to the gym daily, and I struggle with a healthy diet.... SOooo what IS real and can we accept who we are with real jobs/lives..... oh and some of over gosh 50 or 60 !! :) _______ I'm trying to BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE in '23'...... and ASKING men 'what changes do they want to see in '23 ?.........( Several just say loose weight.... " Or I'll call you when they wanna go to the gym... h\How about being an Accountability Body now ?? ... and putting down that 2nd beer )___ so yes this IS a process....Stay motivated !! TKS. Virtual Team.....

[@Newphonewhodis642]

I came out about 2 years ago. I have zero gay friends. All my friends are straight and I’ve come to find out that I have no idea how to like act I guess or like I feel like I’m lost… also looks seem to be a big thing and well I don’t have the looks going for me. I love my straight friends (well more like we don’t hang out but work together.) and they are nice and supportive but I need gay friends to relate to. Anyway just things I feel.

[@damarkus3489]

Thank you for posting this informative video. I am very self-conscious, but I believe I can cope with it. At 35, I'm contemplating how to make new friends, and your advice is helpful. ❤

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

We are glad that you found the advice helpful! Making new friends can be a rewarding journey.❤

[@AsakuraClan]

pertinent podcast for me right now, wow

[@danielmeunier9622]

I've just discovered your pod casts. I appreciate your combined efforts to help gay men be mentally healthy. Dan in Wisconsin.

[@stevekirschman354]

Happy new years You are very special Wishing you magic

[@gw6482]

So much to relate to, thanks as always for your truly special opinions on this. Happy new year!

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Happy New Year, Gabe!

[@johnperrigo6474]

Great podcast. Very helpful and interesting. The topic of; one of our core wounds is not being seen or heard is especially powerful. For gay men this is huge.

[@jaketron.seattle]

I find its impossible to make friends with other gays. they instantly scan me for atrractiveness, then look away. when I finally did find a gay coworker, we hanged out for a few hours one night, and I found out from a coworker he said we were on a date, and he wont hangout with me because he thinks if we hangout its a date.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Come join us in the gay Men’s brotherhood on Facebook where we are building a community where this isn’t the primary focus of connection

[@Lukeanthony82]

*Kindness *Empathetic *Humility *Authentic *Charismatic *Funny *Genuine *Inclusive *Non-judgemental *Flexibility *Ownership I really appreciated this convo topic! I believe "friendship" and learning to be a good friend is what will bridge the gaps with people of all walks of life, if we're willing.

[@ronsmith2241]

Interesting. I'm 75 and lost my v accepting wife of 51 years in June 2022. I cared for her with MS for 26 years. It was 24/7 and was very isolating. I was a Baptist Pastor ages ago and now been prevented from attending because I am gay. While I am old and not interested to start a relationship with a guy, I do feel lonely very often.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

I'm sorry for your loss. There are guys in the group that have similar experiences. Sometimes it's just nice to know others have been through similar circumstances. Check it out: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood/

[@espartaco2028]

I’m the author of Spanish Fluency and plan to be the author of much more. I paint in oils and I’m 55 years ago. I went through hell in school so, let me start off with, I had to fight Envy and adopting standards outside myself for decades. I get the fear in competition so many gay men host which prevents them from forming real, lasting friendships. I’m not camp and I don’t want camp friends, and that’s my choice. I’m a staunch Trump supporter and a right-winger, proudly. My interests are Ireland and Spain, and becoming native fluent in Iberian Spanish. If any or all of these things appeal to you, I welcome your friendship. Again, most gay men are ate alive with Envy and fear which is an immediate friendship killer first even over screwing each other's partners.

[@jmpresto]

How do you find friends that are not superficial? it becomes challenging for gay men who who perceive themselves as physically unattractive (short stature, ethnic, average build) because of multiple past rejections. I find that gay men in general won’t even take the first step in getting to know you because you don’t physically look like them. People tend to cluster with other people who look like them physically.

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Hi there! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Building genuine friendships can indeed be challenging, especially when facing past rejections. It's important to remember that true friends value who you are as a person, not just your appearance. Keep putting yourself out there, engaging in activities and communities that interest you, and you'll find people who appreciate and connect with the real you. Stay positive and true to yourself!🥰

[@richardfloridaman]

I’ve never had gay friends before lol. But I think making friends in general is difficult. Humans have changed a lot and people can be dangerous these days. You just never know what you’re getting. However, good people exist. They just don’t usually look appealing to the social media influenced world we’re living in these days.

[@martintaylor4812]

Hi Richard

[@richardfloridaman]

@@martintaylor4812 hello Martin!

[@martintaylor4812]

@@richardfloridaman how’s u

[@richardfloridaman]

@@martintaylor4812 good and you?

[@martintaylor4812]

@@richardfloridaman good where u from I am from Scotland

[@remidelrosario5856]

Thanks love it!!!!

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

❤

[@gdStPete]

GDStPete, St Pete, FL... EXCELLENT podcasts !! Suggestion = In the FIRST line of a comment, will men show their city (or nearest large city) and STATE.... so if/when I want to reach out... I'll know how are my neighbors? I'l. Start (see above :)

[@stevenband4298]

I first heard about the notion of people coming into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime from reading the book The Celestine Prophecy.

[@meatmoneymilkmonogamyequal5583]

I don't know what to do to make friends. I live in Spain. Making friends is tough especially at 53.

[@gilbermamani3040]

I have more male friends who are straight, but the few gay friends I have, I know they want more than just being friends. I used to think that having gay friends would make me less masculine. Now I don’t care as much, and I am more accepting

[@flyjet787]

Love the cultural comparisons! So interesting! Do you think post-war Ukraine will become more accepting to lgbt people due to Western influence?

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Who knows, I guess we’ll have to wait and see. Hopefully 🤞🏻

[@jungunanta8931]

Please guys do a podcast on Heightism as I believe thats also a topic in the gay/bi community

[@GenZDoomer]

How do you find people with depth?

[@AsakuraClan]

thx!

[@Bbtwink]

My issue is that I’m not shallow but mildly attractive. And cold shallow gay men find that as a threat, or that I’m a pick me but no dude I’m just not a dick

[@jungunanta8931]

Great video it made me cry. I'm bi and not out and would love to have friends especially gay and bi friends I can talk to about stuff like sex, sexuality, pride etc but im scared to meet them as my housemates dont know my sexual orientation. I have one gay friend and when he came to my house he said after 10 mins lets go to mine. When we got to his he said he felt uncomfortable like he couldnt speak openly and solutions ?

[@winnied87]

Is there a chat for gay guys to connect?

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

You can come to one of your Gay Men’s Brotherhood zoom hangouts on the last Thursday of every month. Here is the link for more information: www.gaymensbrotherhood.com/services/

[@winnied87]

@@GayMenGoingDeeper Thank you so much. Will consider joining from Europe.

[@kso808]

Do you think the principles expressed in this video can be applied to making friends only online? I’m drawn to guys who are both charismatic and physically attractive. However, sometimes unrequited emotions result, so how does one deal with that?

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

It's best to practice making friends in real life as well if possible. Online is only a supplement for the real thing and the more you isolate yourself and run away from the fear of making real life friends the worse the cycle will become.

[@luketimber4679]

I subscribed to you today. I have to say --what drew me to you initially --is that you are very handsome and sexy. You appear kind and thoughtful.

[@dennis-qu7bs]

I get more rejection from the gay community

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

We're sorry to hear that you've experienced rejection within the gay community. You deserve acceptance and support, and there are inclusive spaces where you can find belonging.🥰

[@CantonAlexander]

Sissss can you add me? What’s a panel without my gay ass. I’m a middle and high school teacher specializing in English special education rooted with trauma informed care. And I’m BLACK !! 😅❤️

[@GayMenGoingDeeper]

Yes, please join us in the group where we host monthly zoom calls and let our audience share their own experiences: facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood/

[@ulfutstrand]

But there is one question, I love you, you dare, but dont be so selfashure, dont be so terrible skinsurfacedeep on this gaything.....try to walk on the wildside (Lou Reed).

[@ungoliant29]

'Madina' 😭

[@quartzboye]

This!