your just not sexy ...................

I find it hard to understand hookups and casual sex. All I really seen from it’s participants insecurities and low self esteem. I personally think it’s making the gay community much more sick and fearful. I think it can be done in a healthy way however only if you yourself are actually healthy but being healthy as a gay person is almost nonexistent. I have also noticed whenever i am on date with someone and ask them about their past history regarding dating and sex all i see is shame immediately coming up. I really think the community need to have actual positive roll models that don’t male gay dating all about sex or preferences but rather see it as an act of love and vulnerability/intimacy. But i guess how people wanna be touched in bed is far more important than actually being felt.

grow up

When I'm kind abs thoughtful

Great subject.. ur response are so realistic without nonsense Peter pan fillers

Excellent discussions!!! Every Podcast is very relatable!!! And thank you for sharing intimate experiences!!!

Thanks for opening my eyes and thinking outside the box.

It's been a journey for me to learn that I can ask for what I want, and can say "this isn't working for me" when it isn't. This takes practice. Luckily, practice can be fun--if scary. I like to practice at the local bathhouse or the play room in the basement of the fetish bar in the city. So two things come to mind. One was the first time I actually asked for what I wanted. I followed a man into a dark play space at the bath house. Now I know that everyone there is basically wanting sex. So I wasn't worried about insulting him by asking. Also, I think we had sort of cruised each other though both of us are very shy. So I sat next to him, and asked him if it was o.k. for me to touch him. He said yes and I enjoyed caressing his body there on that bench. After a while, I turned to him and said, "thank you. I'll let you go have some fun now. First, though let me tell you that you are by far the most handsome man in this place." And we kissed and went our separate ways. Win! The second event was when I was leaning into a man behind me in the play room at the bar, and he was fondling me and tweaking my nipples. I heard my body say, 'honey, this is not what you want right now." I was surprised, but I felt no connection there. And I stopped and turned around and just said to him, "thank you so much. This isn't working for me right now, but you have been great" and I left feeling so empowered and good about myself (he waited about 20 seconds before moving on to the next man, btw)

I know where part of my shame comes from, its from not being loved by my sperm donor of a father, unloved by my mother and actively hated by my stepfather. I know in my core that im unloved and unwanted. Ive been in therapy for 12 years and still to this day cant love myself bc if my my own family couldnt love me then how is the world or even myself going to love me.

I'd love to see the same passion about homeless gay men, gay men trying to escape abusive relationships, or gay men struggling with wanting to unalive themselves. Sure, the trust episode touched the topic but it's sad how these episodes always drift back to the shallow.

I much prefer your KZbin vlogs because they are longer and have more detailed content. I hope more people begin watchinging these clips. They have value for younger men and older men too. Take care and Happy New Year to all. DA

I am a man who is very comfortable with the fact that I’m gay, but have always held myself to very rigid rules about who, where, and how I have sex. I’m at a point in my life where I’m working hard to relax those rules and let myself responsibly be one of the “boys will be boys”. This podcast made such a difference to me. Thank you. And Reno, your simple statement “I just allow myself to be naughty” blared out at me and truly made a difference. Yes I can allow myself to be naughty and enjoy sex at the moment and thoroughly enjoy being with another man, but that doesn’t make me a “naughty” person. I can let go of those rigid rules I have set for myself. (Probably from childhood). Thank you!!

Watch the full episode here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y3ylmpiKa9OMnZI

Watch the full episode here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y3ylmpiKa9OMnZI

Great converations and thank you for exploring themes that many fail to ensue. Michael - what is the name of the B&W Photo; it looks quite serene.

Hook up Culture ends about 40 years old. That’s it. Good bye

It's great to hear this, this being my first ever full listen. Needless to say I'm a fan. Matt seems so grounded, reasonable, and centered, which I resonate with as a spiritual type myself. Love Reno's candidness and Michael's firsthand experiences as well.

Just found this podcast when I was driving to visit family and honestly so glad I did. It really helps me connect with my inner self. And also Matt, you are very attractive 😂

Thank you for another great episode!

I don't do open relationships. No debate in that. Open relationships make you nothing but an unpaid prostitute. If you tell me your in an open relationship, i will be nice, but don't respect you.

Matt, Michael, and Reno - You all did a great job on your discussion of this topic! 👏🏽👍🏽 Side note: You can usually count on Reno for the comical, down-to-earth ('wash your ass'), yet witty and wise comments and stories. 😀

I identified so much with Michael's story: I went from being the "unwanted" guy when I was 18 to be the guy many other men wanted to have sex with, and yes: you can get yourself lost in the way if you don't know how to handle that amount of attention and desire. Luckily, like Michael, all those experiencies have taught me that GAY SEX IS NOT THE ONLY SOURCE OF CONFIDENCE AND HIGH SELF-ESTEEM, because we are so much more than a body: we are our values, our conversations, the kind of friends we make, the quality of relationships we build through our lives. Thanks for sharing! Also, a very important thing you guys mentioned: TRUST YOUR INTUITION, ALWAYS.

Reno is a real sweetie.😍

I tried hooking up with someone once and it didn't work out well. I had too many drinks and took him to my place, I wasn't into it because I didn't have an attraction (if that makes sense) it felt forced and I did not perform well, meaning I had a hard time getting aroused, he was, but I wasn't. It could be the alcohol, but I honestly think that I wasn't into him. So, that said, I think in the future it will take a few moments spent with a person to get some semblance of a "connection" or chemistry. I don't want to find out later on that I made a mistake on someone I had sex impulsively, invite him to my bedroom and regret it. Hygiene is also important, if it's a spontaneous hookup, you wouldn't know at that point of that other person is with basic hygiene. Thinking about that while hooking up disrupts sexual performance for me because I'm thinking did this person taking a bath or did he brush his teeth etc? Also, I feel sort of embarrassed that I wasn't able to get an erection during that moment because it felt forced and rushed and all sorts of anxiety when through my mind that I may have ED, will this happen to another partner, etc. I guess lessons learned.

We should pay more attention to the energy interchange when we hookup!

Ive Learned to be save Through my Casual Hookups!!!! Save S3x!!!!!!

For me it was curiosity and a desire for experimentation and connection to overcome societal stigma

Is it ok to ask someone how many guys they had since the last test?

Thank you guys!

bottom shaming stems from patriarchy all gays just like straight grew up in patriarchal society where feminin is weaker than masculine bottom is considered feminine nd topping is considered masculine

Great discussion and very nedded! Thank you very much!!! ❤❤❤

Thank you guys for sharing. That is so much appreciated that you speak up

It is important when you meet someone and know if they are a top or bottom. So you don't waste your time.

I never went through this bullshit. I am a gay bottom and proud. I don't give a shit what anyone says. I do whatever makes me happy. All my relationships were all tops i never had a issue. I know what I want and like. Like to please my guy in every way. Born in Rome and live in Milan and NYC. This is so fucking stupid. If you not into it or you are verse. Who cares. I never cheated on my relationships. Looking for a top guy to know. I rather be alone than settle and be miserable. Just do what makes you happy. Fuck what anyone says. I don't go on dating sites they are all scams and looking for money. I go out and meet guys. I traveled all over the world many times. I am still young and well established. I do magazine work and fashion week and work with famous people. I always speak up.

Masculine?????????? Groundbreaking!

Been with my husband for 13 years, married for 10 and our partner has been with us for 7 years. It works for us. I dont understand hate people have for polyamorous.

Can someone help me

I want to come out but i dont know how to im 65 years old

It’s truly baffling and sometimes disgusting to hear gay people jumping directly towards craving an open relationship, rationalizing that it’s exciting and fun. I mean, you can’t even maintain a monogamous relationship, what the f*ck do you think? Inviting more people will help you build something meaningful? Also, yes we get attracted to others even if we are taken, that’s human nature but nurturing that emotion instead of finding meaning and getting in touch to your own is absolutely horrible. The gay community is toxic and has consistently been toxic. Mostly because we all use the same excuse why we act this way, instead of focusing to gain respect for ourselves and from the community.

I think I'm more depressed about my body after watching this. Like, if yall can't find happiness and peace then what hope do I have

Sex is an active been male and female only/ vergina and penis/ Penis and bottom ass hole is s not sex Vergina and vergina is not sex Men should not mis use they body by using their bottom ass hole as a vergina hole/ your bottom ass hole is an exit for shit not a sex organ r an entrance for another man penis/ woman was made for man not man for man/ Use you body parts for the purpose it was created do not pervert the use

If nobody don't want us for myself just a lost have nobody I want it for myself that's that's the problem be happy with your and be satisfied like I said we are human and we like what we like and we got Coke what we can cope with have nobody don't like us oh well I ain't nobody don't want us for myself ain't nobody I want to play if we still go on WE human too we got feelings we need love to

I can very much relate to what Matt said in regard to having to hide who he was for so long. I am now over 65 and didn't start my "coming out" process until I was 42. It's been a very difficult journey. I very much appreciate what you guys are doing here. Thank you!

I really appreciate what you guys are doing! Very helpful to me! Thank you

Thank you guys! I took notes 📝

Fascinating discussion with your very erudite guest, on a subject which needs to be addressed more in society. I want to mention that for any older men who have had a prostatectomy, that having masturbatory orgasms is still possible without ejaculation. I had such a robotic nerve-sparing procedure nearly a decade ago, and the nerve-sparing option is definitely worth it, if that is an option. In fact, some of my best orgasms have occurred post-prostatectomy. More recently, I have had extended orgasms that have caused my entire body to experience a pleasant, sustained shudder at climax. A lot of this is tied to one's brain and his capacity to imagination in conjuring images and fantasies. One additional piece of post-surgery advice I obtained from my urologist was to work on strengthening one's pelvic floor (Kegel) muscles, which can also help with any urinary incontinence after surgery.

This convo is extremely relevant to me as I am deciding which path to take as a coach or therapist.

The people i was bullied the most by were the 'gays'.

I have to be circumsized. Not elective surgery 😢

I know I don't belong in the gay community for I am Hillbilly/ Redneck who hunts, fish, and outdoors I was born in 1957 . My friends are straight and gay and what makes it work is being gay is a boring topic but our achievements , Standards, Values are what is interesting about us. Most have some form of education and some like myself are wealthy due to making better choices. One thing we do agree on is Trans who tread into another gender space is unacceptable and no wonder there is less respect for them. And gays who act weird and look like clowns just prove we are not all the same and don't accept one another for that is ok. For acting like an adult with common sense if far more pleasing. Have a great day