Malignant Narcissist Father with Daughter - Role Play - 3 Versions

[@bekkahtaylor]

“You have no idea how the real world works” this was drilled into my head growing up. The real world has been much kinder than my childhood home ever was.

[@carolea7158]

Agreed. And I have a lot more say in the real world. I want to go back to being a child only to rescue the child out of the insanity. I don't really wanna go back to how I grew up - which is weird because as a kid people always told me one day you'll wish you were this young again.

[@BD638]

"The Real world has been much kinder than my childhood home ever was" Same sis, this line hit me sooo hard. Its crazy finding out that the world is not out to get you like it is in the home. Best of luck :)

[@mendingmandy869]

Wow. This is so true for me too. When i confronted my narcissistic guardian about her abusiveness (finally got the nerve) she kicked me out of my childhood home. She told me after seeing the real world, id finally see how much she did FOR me... Ummm *Dwight Shrute voice* False. I see how much she did TO me.

[@kimchong4539]

I totally understand you. My parents used to tell me they were tough to prepare me for the adult working world. I work at a corporation and my boss is kinder than my parents ever were.

[@angelface333]

exactly 😭

[@karlaivelisse1959]

It’s sobering how unrealistic the healthy father is to me.

[@Vladimyrful]

I kid you not exactly 10 seconds into the healthy father part brought tears to my eyes - and I'm a guy!

[@karlaivelisse1959]

@@Vladimyrful hugs, brother ❤️

[@Vladimyrful]

@@karlaivelisse1959 Right back at ya ❤

[@IAmBuddythedecibwave]

I've heard all of this before...

[@IamCree]

@Niki Rian I don't trust him lol

[@deehubs1353]

I can’t even imagine how wonderful it would be to have a loving, supportive father.

[@susanq6398]

Me too ! I believe my life would have taken a very different course if I had a caring, loving father. I certainly wouldn’t have stayed in my unhappy marriage and put my kids through the misery and trauma we endured.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Right? My own boyfriends dad is more loving toward me then my own boyfriend and dad maybe I should date him in his little shack 😂

[@janny474]

So many people assume we do and that we're just being unforgiving of some little flaws.

[@iamaliveyoucantstopnow]

Same 😢😢😢

[@overcomingemily]

I would love to see a role play with a narcissist father whose abuse is much more subtle and it even gives an illusion that he cares for his daughter.

[@aprilshamel]

My dad rarely calls me "dumb" directly. He says, "I have to help you because you're not smart." And I've never heard him cuss.

[@belladimanno]

yes !

[@valynnwolvenlore3190]

@@aprilshamel did you ever get the cherry on top of Guilt as if you chose to be born defective or something? Or that them taking care of you, "helping" you because you're "not smart", or even just tolerating the burden that you are, somehow makes them a saint? A saint you should be grateful for? The passive voice that erodes every last fiber of your self worth and dignity as they verbally morph you into some sub-human creature? Like, even Dobby the house elf was treated with more respect than that as a prisoner. Did you get to enjoy the martyr act they pulled the moment you tried asking for literally anything? And god forbid you ask them to meet your needs after being out of diapers...

[@aprilshamel]

@@valynnwolvenlore3190 yes, that's exactly how it is. He carried on with that mess until went "no contact" as I approached my forties. I just couldn't see myself continuing to be treated like a rebellious teen or an incompetent child after I looked forward to my forties for so long. For some reason, I thought they would treat me like an adult once I became an adult. It took me too long to give up on that, but I finally did.

[@valynnwolvenlore3190]

@@aprilshamel im not quite 30 and cut off contact this year. The abuse was too much. :/ Im glad we are both in better spots, because you and i and others in our same boat do not deserve that

[@buttersstotchyo]

Anyone else's dad bring up everything he has ever done for you in life every single time you speak to him? I am 42 and am still reminded that he bought me a used car in high school.

[@dannygold9]

Yup, my dad too. His signature move is to bring up that he puts food on the table and takes care of stuff around the house. It's like he forgets that that's what he signed up for when he bought a house and started a family. I mean, of course I'm appreciative of him putting a roof over my head and providing food for my brother and I, but it's ridiculous that he uses examples of him doing the bare minimum as a parent as a way of guilt tripping me when I'm not doing exactly what he wants. I'm 21 and I feel like he'll be reminding me of stuff like this for the rest of my life too. I'm convinced he only does anything for us for the recognition and praise. Unfortunately for him though, I'm not giving into it anymore lol

[@cindylong624]

I told narc dad he should have stayed single.

[@AngelWingsHolistics]

Yes, except it's usually something really lame like I had shoes to wear as a child. Wow, Dad of the year!

[@renidees1250]

Mine was the car but I actually bought it myself yet he seems to think it was him.. gaslight me to question myself..🤔

[@misskalinka]

@@renidees1250 OMG that is so bad. It reminds me of when I was 26 and I gave my mother $10k to put towards her new car whilst I had to go get a lease to buy mine because I gave her everything that I'd saved up. Then she told me that it was never $10k but "only" $3k. I'd only just started working and earning some money and she felt entitled to take it because of "everything she'd ever done for me".

[@bendingbananas6540]

Ive noticed that most narcissistic fathers love shifting the blame on their wives a lot of time-- well the blame is always on somebody else but specifically it's often always "your mother!!" 's fault 🤨

[@basicindiebro]

The same case is my mom with my father. Whenever I call her she blames my dad for literally everything

[@JadeoftheGlade]

Yep.

[@brighteyes6585]

This video, even if just roleplay, really opened my eyes. It's so obvious but we don't want to believe sometimes who it's coming from. I had a really hard time accepting some things, but I did stop communicating with a parent, and it's helping me understand more, and I was experiencing a false guilt, me being the one who wants things to just work, and then feeling like I wasn't loving enough. I hope whatever people on here are going through, you are so precious, and you deserve to feel good about who you are. You're better than what someone told you. You are enough and you are not alone!

[@TheBigChubbyBunny]

Wow....these are my fathers exact same words...do we somehow have the same dad? XD

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Lol my mom used the phrase "your father" so much, I started calling him "your husband " and after a while she stopped and now refers to him by name.

[@slamminsam6xoxo]

My narcissist father won’t even call me bc I have to call him. He says it’s my responsibility.

[@laurensuchland5439]

Omg same. If a call from him came up on my phone my stomach would be in my throat.

[@Booboonancy]

I once “dared” not call my mom for 3 days while she lived about a quarter mile away. When she called me she says “ just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead “ … yeah, guilt is such a powerful tool 😔

[@atis9061]

Thats not love. Love yourself enough to let go.

[@noshititskrae]

Same

[@bouclechocolat]

Same!!! He's an adult who knows how to use a phone yet I'm responsible for making sure he talks to me enough. Ridiculous.

[@drmtokes]

Doesn't want her off his insurance - exactly. That's EXACTLY the reason I refused any money from my father after I left college. NO STRINGS ATTACHED!

[@frappalina]

Yes... This is so relatable

[@theunsettlingwitch]

Exactly! And they were mad at me for not taking money from them, can you fucking believe it? !! Haha. So glad to not have them in my radar anymore.

[@sennnia]

I tried to do the same thing but I didn't graduate college so I didn't make enough money to leave. And they drilled it into my head that I could only leave with their help and if I left without their permission, I'd be cut off and homeless. Even now, I'm 30 and finally finishing my degree, I had to move back home bc I had an abusive partner and... Sigh. Sometimes it feels like I'll never escaped.

[@emilyc7727]

Me too I never asked my family for money so they couldn’t control me

[@mooshy3605]

This omg- I didn’t tell my dad I got in a car accident until I got a new car bc I didn’t want to have obligations

[@alexisrush91]

My family uses the "healthy" conversation to get information from me so they can gossip about me with everyone else...I hate that I still fall for it sometimes...makes me feel so violated

[@Lorine-vl6nn]

Im so sorry to hear that Sweetheart ♥️

[@BrookeLynn-sr6vy]

Same

[@sha1841]

I’ve experienced the same especially from my grandmother & favorite aunt

[@WriterK]

I hear you and I feel for you. Maybe change the topic when it comes to your personal life. I have learned that with narcissists, you only talk about them or the weather or something meaningless and general, but never your personal life or something deep.

[@TMcLure100]

That's what my narc boss would do. I don't talk about personal stuff at my new job and it's great

[@JuliaClark]

The healthy parent role plays really stab my heart. It informs me to the harsh extent I did not have a healthy childhood.

[@mandidavies6254]

It's interesting that the whenever he does the healthy parent that hurts me more than the others. My heart breaks and longs for that level of validation, love and acceptance.

[@mendingmandy869]

I feel the same way. I'm still grieving after 4 years of therapy. I used to have all these moms come out of the woodwork truing to be my mom but it created unhealthy dynamics. Unfortunately that made me accept that i will never have the parents I deserved :/ for me, it's healthier that way.

[@JuliaClark]

@@mandidavies6254 I've noticed my reactions to the unhealthy parenting is a bit more shocked than when I first started. And I have found myself reacting with the same shock when I experience it from my mom. Unfortunately, it is my sister that I cannot seem to react with healthy empowerment, it just devolves into trigger reactions. Sadly, I recently blocked her. I don't think I am able to engage her in a healthy way. I wish I could.

[@mendingmandy869]

@@JuliaClark that's actually awesome that you are shocked! Shows you've really seen how unhealthy she is. I had to cut people off too. Sometimes that's the only way.

[@mandidavies6254]

@@JuliaClark when I first started watching his videos I was shocked too. Sometimes I'm tears and sometimes I'm on disbelief whether a healthy relationship is even possible. I've been no contact with my family for over a year and with every video I watch my eyes are opening wider and wider to how unhealthy my family really is and that same realization that you had about never going to have those healthy relationships. Focusing on healing that wound and learning how to love, accept and validate myself. Videos like this help. Now I know I'm not crazy 😜 and I'm not alone. Hugs to you Julia. ❤

[@marybean2231]

All I remember was him insulting my mother for everything.

[@pinneapplegirl9698]

same

[@sapnanayak1453]

Same. He thinks that my mom is 'poisoning' me and my sister's brains. LOL

[@reinajaay]

Yes!!!!!

[@crowjaneisdead]

Yup lots of insults towards her when I was very young, spent many years thinking my mom was a crazy lying loser. And now as an adult I’m not even allowed to say her name. I had to stop speaking to him for a while when he showed no care or support for me when I said mom might have covid

[@yianko2090]

I don’t think my dad is narcissistic after watching this video but he does also insult my mum and I only started to realise it in my 20s🙈

[@minjujun8086]

The narcissistic father was creepily similar to my father, except instead of using the word loser. He would use "you want to be like your mom?" Whenever he refers to my mom, he emphasizes how she is broken, disgusting, and psychotic. Then suddenly acting all sweet saying he is reacting so harshly is because he "cares", then goes on about how much he has sacrificed for our family, then repeat. Man great recreation. ♡ Loved the empowered daughter part, on point 👌

[@In_deine_Staerke]

I had that with my mother...

[@okaycola2]

Except she’s a nice lady & he’s a dirty old pervert

[@dancingqueen2131]

the ranting father just sounds completely normal to me, even mild by comparison, how scary is that?!

[@evagabrysova8871]

Very scary :'(

[@sistermorphine7874]

SAME!!!

[@vanillaghetto]

Very. He sounds way too caring and involved. LOL

[@Marella2024]

Yes, lol! I found the ranting dad to be rather calm compared to the screaming tantrums from the man-child narcissist that I had to endure growing up and as a younger adult, but I totally get and appreciate the example in this video.

[@muirgirl]

SAME! Know you aren't alone chica. xx

[@FireOpal.]

I get sad seeing Healthy Father. He would have made growing up such a pleasure. Instead it was fear, shame and aggression with absolutely no one to turn to. At 24 I finally shook him out of my feathers and turned into a swan. He hates that lol

[@FireOpal.]

@@kristenjanea4040 therapy is a great start. It is helping me so much. Well done and good luck ❤

[@stregananda]

I cried watching healthy father. I am 51and have done lots of therapy, in a good place, but damn…

[@FireOpal.]

@@streganandaI hear you 😔❤

[@amandah8698]

I didn’t do it til my 30s and I’m upset I didn’t do it earlier, but happy I did at all. No contact for 2 years now.

[@barneyy6942]

I am still stuck with him at 22. And there is absolutely no way I can get therapy. I can't afford it and even if I was able to, they watch everyone I talk to and they listen everything. I don't know how to get out of here. The laws, where I live, don't protect me either. I am technically his property, until I become my husband's. I fucking hate this.

[@maushalcyondays]

i started uncontrollably sobbing at the healthy father roleplay - i realized how much i lost and missed out on and how alone and sad i was and am. hit me like a ton of bricks. thank you.

[@athomewithfrancsicio]

You know I didn't start crying, yet a deep sadness came over me, wondering how different life would be with a healthy dad like that. Mine has a deep mental problem.

[@albatross7327]

when the empowered daughter brought out more aggression and made the dad more aggravated and defensive, that hit. i was raised by alcoholism, borderline, and their defenders, but for some reason i always fought back. i did not submit. i can say that it made my life significantly harder day by day and i was attacked back with a rage and fervor i will never ever understand feeling towards a child. but if i hadn't done that, i would've lost my mind beyond recovery. i always tried to fight to maintain who i am, bc i knew if i didn't i would be eaten alive.

[@labbiegurl]

My dad was “just” a narcissist but I’ve had the same experience as you. It’s mind boggling how someone can behave so inhumanly. Kudos to you for keeping strength in yourself ❤️ (sorry if that’s worded weird, I don’t really know how else to say it)

[@dcd1935]

This sounds just like me!!! Wow!!

[@taramoonshadow363]

AMEN!

[@micheleparadis2808]

Same xox

[@sennnia]

I get confused about empowerment. Anytime I have ever stood up for myself I have paid for it. I still pay for it. And I get told all the time by my mom to let it go and go with the flow. Which means I don't know how how to deal with other people. It's fun. Thanks for the free therapy.

[@jennyonthespectrum4581]

Until recently, I thought all dads were like the first one. Apparently, some dads are supportive and nice to their kids without backhanded insults. I think I would have been doing something I love if I had one of those dads. I also would have sought help a lot sooner.

[@aicerg]

It hurts thinking (knowing) that my life would be so much different if I had had healthy loving parents...

[@shaniaswartz317]

@@aicerg it is heartbreaking Every child deserves loving and mentally healthy parents

[@choux8372]

@@aicerg this is exactly how I've been feeling. My therapist said "you are allowed to give yourself time to grieve over your childhood".

[@oranged6703]

I am in a third world country It suck here

[@doratheexplore1679]

As long as your breathing it's never to late..I'm 38 doing Designing your life workbook... you can find about it on KZbin. Even if you donate time or try an unpaid internship as a trial. I installed new phrases in my head to replace my parents voices... Sounds like last.. I can also relate to you saying u thought it normal til later. Those realizations hurt me bad... I try my best to reparent myself, and be the parent I needed

[@confused.softtic]

"You don't need therapy you need a job" You can't imagine how many times I've heard that from family and "friends"

[@amandatschoepe9634]

I heard that a lot too... Especially after my son passed away..

[@confused.softtic]

@@amandatschoepe9634 I'm sorry about your loss... I hope you are doing much better now. You are strong, you have this!

[@tessarae9127]

Fuck that, I haven’t worked in 6 months. Nothings worth losing your soul... And no the soul does not only have worth if it has capital behind it 🖕

[@katiewoenker2633]

@@tessarae9127 truth

[@adelaidemarie]

Did you ever get that job?

[@suzetteospi]

This (the narcissistic father) sounded so normal to me, even harmless ... That's what being brainwashed by a narcissistic parent can do to you, I guess. And I'm 58, not 25 or something. Appalling and a little scary.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I know, unlike my mother, this narc lets the daughter talk. He doesn't sound that martyred to me. There is a back and forth in this conversation. Also, his anger doesn't sound that intense.

[@suzetteospi]

@@SusanaXpeace2u Exactly!

[@ElleDubsDubs]

Yeah, and he calls her capable and attractive. This counselor is too kind and compassionate-he just doesn't have it in him to be as bad as some of our parents!

[@abishayforys]

same :/ im 15 atm

[@nancysmyth-gray1698]

I’m 61 and it still hurts but I have learned to talk to myself as is I was my own best friend. I also give my inner 4-yr-old a hug every day. Having a daughter allowed me to “do-over” how “I” wished I was raised. My daughter is such a good mom to my grandkids so I’m the end, “I win” and my a$$h0le mom loses. She’s a dead beat grandma too. 🤪

[@victoriapulcifer6218]

My dad isn't THIS bad, but some things I've noticed: - "You don't need therapy" : If you're getting therapy for mental health issues, a lot of parents will take that personally and feel like you are implicitly saying "You failed me as a parent". Dad constantly groans and rolls his eyes and says that theres nothing wrong with me whenever I bring up something remotely related to my mental health and healing process. He takes the most mild criticisms I have of him and goes, "So you think I'm a bad parent." And he's said before that he thinks I'm ungrateful for my privileged life just because I have depression anxiety and trauma. I often feel like I'm just not allowed to be sad ever, under any circumstances, when it comes to my dad. - Doubting the daughter's knowledge and competency. I thought I that I was just objectively fucking stupid all my life despite graduating from Stanford, but after starting therapy and keeping track of interactions I have with my dad, I notice that he'll often casually put me down at the best of times, and yell over me about how wrong I am at the worst. Like, if I have a solution he doesn't like, I could tell him that I've already tried specific avenues. But he will insist on those avenues I already said that I've tried, because he doesn't trust that I can do much of anything at all. And because he never trusted me, I could never trust myself, because I trusted my father that would not trust me. I remember one time recently where we were on a drive and dad asked, "Do you recognize where we are?" And my old elementary school immediately came to mind, but I doubted myself heavily and didn't want to look stupid in front of him. While I was contemplating my truth, he drives by the school and says that it was my elementary school. - THE FUCKING INTERRUPTING. Like God stfu boomer let me finish a diddly dang sentence!!! I didn't ask for your entire life philosophy on your shitty interpretation of every 5-10 words that I manage to utter before you run your fuckin mouth again damn. 😒 - The pressure to "admit" that they are right and you are wrong (which ties into self esteem). With my dad specifically, I am so grateful to him when he shows me the slightest glimpse of basic empathy in times of trouble that, if he does that, and then later while talking to me says some variant of "But you've gotta know you were overreacting", I almost immediately say 'yes' every time to keep in his good graces.

[@ScoutGrey]

Fuck staying in his good graces...stay the fuck away from him

[@taramoonshadow7260]

I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT STAND THAT interrupting and TALKING OVER ME CRAP!! THAT IS THE FASTEST WAY for me to start screaming at them over the degradation!

[@graceymiller6047]

A¹4

[@graceymiller6047]

A¹4

[@yellow_daffodil5689]

@@taramoonshadow7260 I know

[@loribottiger4164]

Wow...you really nailed this. I was on my OWN insurance plan and my dad dug through my purse and found my antidepressants and then screamed at me and said "Ohhhhh because your life is just SOOOO horrible right? What do YOU have to be sad about???"

[@Amethyst.Stilleto]

I pray for your complete healing.

[@misshoneynevercame4832]

Even if you were not on your own insurance plan, he should not be going through your purse and he should have NEVER said what he said. With a guy like him around I would be depressed as well.

[@emzzhura7868]

The jabs, insults, are just such an attempt to make you feel what they feel, then get calm when you take on how they feel. So sinister.

[@bouclechocolat]

Exactly... they rile you up just to tell you how emotional and unreasonable you're being

[@LetThemGrumbIe]

This is spot on!

[@floatingsara]

Totally me Aaaaargh

[@amiahedmondson6320]

So true!

[@rachelkrouse]

Saw the trigger warning, figured I’d be ok. Had no idea I’d break down hearing the Healthy Father responses. So helpful to hear that example I never had. ♥️ thank you.

[@SingingForYourSoul]

Same. I figured I’d be ok and then I broke down hearing the healthy father responses too. A healthy, warm father feels like such a mystical, wondrous creature. It feels so good to watch examples and simultaneously cuts so deep.

[@denissealondra8011]

The healthy parent shows me how much I missed out in life. 😭

[@puscifer99]

Same... And it's doubly so since I am ASD-1, I'm not trying to be victim mentality, though I feel like I missed out in several levels

[@Opethfeldt]

We can't change the past but we can change the future.

[@sammckinlay6918]

Totally. I have a male friend with a two year old girl and the way he talks to her makes me want to cry because that's how you're supposed to talk to your child, not how I grew up.

[@elmtree33]

The main difference between narc dad and healthy dad I see is narc dad invalidates while healthy dad validates.

[@True_kind_of_love]

@@puscifer99 I’m also ASD-1 and I felt this on every level.

[@lizparenzan4761]

This is my dad and I have that B.S. in Marketing from an elite school. lol. 25 years later with lots of scars, I'm still a rebel: married, stay at home mom, caring for my vegetable and fruit garden. 🤗 I'm a total loser in his mind.

[@brit_barr]

Im also a stay at home mom and a crazy plant lady! #1 losers!! Yay! 🥳🍅🫑🪴🎍

[@mendingmandy869]

Me too!!

[@itslarissae]

You do you! I aspire to be you someday!! 😊

[@shoopydoopy9388]

Be a loser!! I moved to a "communist country" (New Zealand haha), hang out with "low lives" and work for the elites (worked in a university for a long time). Treats me like I'm disgusting and then turns around and pretends to be obsessed with me. Boy get out! Sort your shit out man you're too much to deal with

[@raccuia1]

Actually he thinks you're a total winner compared to him. But because he hates himself the only way to pull himself up out of his shithole is to make it sound as if you're the loser and he's the winner.

[@SM-yz4hi]

As an outsider, the most striking thing to me is the length of the narcissistic vs healthy father “conversations”. The narcissist father seemed to rant on and on and eventually just started recycling points. A lifetime of that must wear their children down edit: It’s been 7 months and I just want to say I appreciate everyone who’s replied. I read all of them, and I hope you all have people in your life who listen to and care about you :)

[@vee1267]

It totally does wear you down. Eventually you either break down overwhelmed and they go in for the kill, or you turn your brain off and stare into space... Sometimes when my narc dad is ranting for ages about the same old bullshit, it reminds me of that comedy bit where the jukebox kept playing “what’s new pussycat” again and again

[@loh3hall860]

Trust me, they repeat the same shit 24/7.

[@CosmicEngimas]

This was my childhood with my step father for years and years. I couldn’t even do my homework or school projects or anything he would just yell at me for literally 5-8 hours after I get home from school. Snd i just got to the point where I turned my brain off. He would just repent himself. I just hate everything about that time of my life. I’m 31 years old now and I could never imagine treating anyone, let alone a child, like that.

[@SM-yz4hi]

@@CosmicEngimas that sounds so awful. Its always astounded me that there are people who don’t take verbal abuse (especially of kids) seriously. I hope you’re doing better now!

[@OrionOlamPiksie]

Yeah it does wear me down. I’ve had this conversation a lot with my dad in real estate business. I get by, barely.

[@thecalmingspace7242]

Oh my goodness, my dad killed my dreams. You learn that love is based on fear and pleasing. Fearful of the one you can't please. You learn that love is conditional, which kinda screws the rest of your relationships as an adult. Attracting your own father, in a different set of skin. God I love therapy!

[@rebeccachurch5200]

Well said! I have lived like this my entire life and chosen bad mates because of this. Having no self-worth is horrible and leads to all kinds of problems!

[@jessicae1695]

My dad acts invalidating like this but... with charm, a silly demeanor, aloofness and a victim-like mentality. It’s off putting. It’s weird. But! I related to the narcissistic dad bc the overall message is that “you’ll fail without me” and “I need to control everything you do” and “I know more than you”.

[@Active0Bserver]

I relate to that big time, especially the silly demeanor. He will say something horribly abusive and cruel with a grin and giggle, then follow it up with something goofy or silly to distract from it; totally normalized it for me.

[@drmtokes]

Always the victim..... never the perpetrator

[@jerrystauffer2351]

"You have no sense of humor"

[@RiannaNicole]

Yea, my dad does that too, and he can act like he’s sympathetic, but twists the conversation to all about how it’s about him, or how he’s the true victim in the situation. I called my dad out once, last year, after being little to no contact, on only one scenario, and he said it was probably bc of his bipolar…yea ok, months apart and having the same issue? That’s believable! And that was all bc me and my partner got a home, and paid it outright (it was a steal for a fixer upper…he’s still renting. No shame in renting, just not where he thought I’d be, so soon…out preforming him sort of deal)

[@desithestar]

This is my father too! The closer you get, the meaner he gets. The rest of the world sees this caring, loving father, and funny/goofy husband. All I see is a wounded child that lashes out in anger whenever he doesn't get his way. Its exhausting to be in the same room with him.

[@AliPittaway]

My narc father is just like this. He used to say that my problem with getting into relationships was that I “compete with men”. I didn’t really understand what he meant at the time because all I ever wanted was my own personal freedom from male control. Then I realised that yes, for that, I do compete with men. Any man who tries to control or corral me will not be in my life for long. I know that now because I have a wonderful husband who also values his freedoms and respects mine.

[@veevee306]

My father was exactly this way. He sexually abused me throughout my childhood. He saw me ONLY as an object. I visited him just before he died, and he first pushed me to tell him graphic sexual details of what happened between me and my partner. When I refused, and declined to tell him anything about my school or my mom, he told me if I couldn't talk to my own parents, then I clearly had no friends. That's when I left him abruptly and weeks later he died. Literally as I walked out the door, his next door neighbor told me I had a great dad. These families are SO toxic, and even though I was beginning to see just how awful my father was, I was barely 22 and still just trying to develop myself. I don't blame any young person for not getting out sooner, because they're JUST trying to grow up themselves as well as do something that I've seen a lot of 40-60 year olds be unable to do: Cut off their abusive family. In my experience, teenagers who leave have resources that others don't have, whether that's friends or a teacher who cares. I had NONE of that. That's how good my family was at pretending. I'm SO glad he's dead. I see a great therapist who helps me and I've been no contact with any of my family for 6 years. Best decision ever. I have enormous peace without them.

[@madelineasmr926]

So sorry that happened to you 💔

[@ma_kal]

Sorry that that happened to you. I hope you are doing well and continue to do so

[@staciewhite6442]

May you continue to have peace. I dream of it someday

[@leslieyancey5084]

I’m so glad you broke away from them and found peace!

[@joannelewis8038]

Wow thank you for sharing.

[@f.m.1259]

This doctor is a good actor. I hope he is enjoying doing theater

[@apelsinuke]

whatever helps, you know. and this doctor's "theater" is extremely helpful to me and others who don't even realize what "normal" looks like, having grown up in a really dysfunctional families.

[@catherinegrimm4198]

Your videos are so helpful. Just to see examples of narcissists played out like this is so good to watch because it illustrates what we go through. Then putting an example of a healthy father shows how it’s supposed to be. Thank you for doing this. It’s very healing.

[@veeau1514]

@f.moscarella sounds like u need a little help from a doc.

[@saramcroberts699]

Omg the first scenario is SCARY accurate for me! I was seeing a therapist in my early 20s and my first session back with this therapist after a brief break (therapy was VERY difficult for me as it was tough to accept and acknowledge the trauma I’d been through) my dad barged in before me and told the therapist what he wants us to work on and everything that’s wrong with me that needs fixed. After he left, my therapist says, “remind me how old you are” I say “too old for that” and he responds “that’s what I thought too. I’m YOUR therapist and we will talk about whatever YOU want” this therapist saw my dad a few months later at a Walmart and turned around and walked the other way. Now tell me how narcissistic you have to be to have a THERAPIST AVOID YOU

[@emmajane646]

Your comment spoke to me.. I was living at home and having therapy. I was really benefiting but because I kept a diary of my dad's outbursts, the therapist accurately said "You will never get better under their roof". As I was so vulnerable and enmeshed at the time, I told my dad what she said as soon as I got in the car. He immediately pulled me out of therapy, at that time I was too ill to object.

[@UTubeSporaticUser]

I asked my narcissistic father to please stop with the weight comments because it doesn't help me to lose weight and it makes me feel bad about myself. He replied that he thought I would be mature enough to take his advice and if I would just lose weight I wouldn't feel bad about myself anymore. And than told me he only does it because he cares my health. I told him that he has been telling me to lose weight since I was a child and even when I was 100 lbs lighter and all it did was make me feel bad about myself, made me turn to drugs to stay skinny, and give me an eating disorder. He then accused me of blaming him for all the mistakes I have made in my life and told me I was ungrateful after everything he has done for me. All over me asking him to please stop with the weight comments.

[@clementiiine]

I've dealt with this too. They're not mature enough to take responsibility or listen without defending themself and making it about them. I couldn't take it anymore, and after cutting my dad off I feel better than ever and am actually moving forward finally.

[@floatingsara]

Just curious, what is your father's physical shape? My mom started with nasty comments when I was reaching HER physical shape, so I could answer that she should mind her own body first.

[@navwallack7595]

@Lauren Pratt yup. I dropped out and couldn’t finish even in special Ed classes. Still remember my mom on 4th of July saying my brother is “the smart one” and my dad makes sure to talk about his good school rep to my mom in front of me but not to me LOL. 😒

[@stacysalinas22]

@@EveryLittleBitCounts It is 100 percent not ok to relentlessly body shame someone, and lay a guilt trip on them.

[@EveryLittleBitCounts]

@@stacysalinas22 I never disagreed with you about that

[@TakeItPurseonally]

When the "healthy" father just seems like "make believe".

[@ThatsYOU]

“You need a job” Then “Hold off getting your own insurance” Double binds! Love the accuracy of the narcissist completely ignoring the inconsistency of statements seconds away from each other. It is that bad. It does get better. Fantastic work, Patrick. Thank you ❤

[@raywilliams212]

My fathers three mantras: "You dont know nothin about nothin." "You are never allowed to withdraw from me." "My children should have a HEALTHY fear of me, like we should have a healthy fear of God." *Screams in frustrated inner child*

[@madelineasmr926]

Same 🥲

[@hajimehinata8967]

I hope they have a healthy fear of gods. They damn well know they are going to hell

[@sidewalksurf800]

Another reason I’ve been distanced from religion. We have to fear someone to respect them.

[@loh3hall860]

"Healthy fear". What an oxymoron.

[@francesroberts9792]

Did we have the same dad?

[@MadeleneStJohn]

Heh, my dad's response to finding out I was going to therapy was to aggressively ask me, "You're not telling them *I* did anything, are you!?"

[@MuR1017]

The way they are low-key self aware of how crappy they actually are. I hope you were able to find some healing through therapy.

[@MadeleneStJohn]

Right? Exactly! And yeah, it was years ago, but that reaction of his never left me. Sometimes their responses can just be jaw dropping!

[@PhoenieFroe313]

That's what my dad said 😂😂 I was only going to my University's counsellor.

[@MadeleneStJohn]

@@PhoenieFroe313 OMG Isn't that crazy? LOL

[@floatingsara]

I feared precisely THAT reaction, this is why I waited to have a job before getting into therapy and I made sure they would never discover it

[@mirivmd]

hearing the narcissistic father say "I'm trying to help you" Make my stomach churn :(

[@pynecone8067]

I completely broke down into tears when you were doing the healthy scenario. This is the relationship with my father that I have always wanted.

[@jacquelineschellingerhout48]

Same here, really feel what I've missed and actually had needed from a father

[@angeloddrev]

It's shocking isn't it. How much easier life would've been. It's really okay to mourn that. To have someone actually be nice and caring feels so strange and crazy when raised by a narc father. A real "huh?" moment. Those of us unfortunately raised by narc father's feel like we were dragged up by a petulant toddler.

[@Jenavee26]

Babe, same lol I feel a bit jealous ngl

[@montanamvk]

@@angeloddrev wow what a great phrase for describing: dragged up by a petulant toddler. omgoodness that is REALLY good! 💜🤗

[@exodus_gaming5282]

The same!!!!

[@maybevanesa9819]

this made me remember when I was laying on my bed I was probably around like 15/16? and I was tired of being on my phone and I was just looking at the wall and thinking. my dad walked past my room and started getting mad how I'm acting like im in a movie and I looked at him like ????? and to this day, I'm scared i might act like "im in a movie" to someone and get called out so im always trying to look busy and its bad. i hope ill grow out of this fear

[@richelleinzeo2829]

He’s projecting. He feels he’s in a movie because he’s an ACTOR. Relax it’s not you. It’s him.

[@eleanormaraal5402]

When the healthy father said “tell me about the non-profits” I felt like 😭🥺😢😯😦🥺🤯. The dad actually cares about his daughter. How is that possible. I want it 😭😭😭😭.

[@patrickteahanofficial]

❤️

[@sistermorphine7874]

Seeing the healthy parent really made me tear up.. Seeing both side by side just made me realize how sick my father is. The first scene felt normal to me and gave me flashbacks..

[@ngrace28]

Same here 🥺

[@222cutekitty]

me too :/

[@lisacranmer8005]

First one was my x towards us all, It has caused PTSD in me and my kids, still same abusive man, This joker needs meds and reality ck...he is not going to have friends with that attitude..

[@amiahedmondson6320]

Same😭

[@DotsDots88]

Same...

[@sinaminaful]

Thankful I have a healthy father. My heart goes out to everyone who didn’t 💛

[@ayzc4164]

It's definitely living he'll, yesterday was my birthday and my narcissist father made it all about him self and kicked me out.

[@RainbowSunshineRain]

Thank you for sharing this, I am happy to know there are good parents out there.

[@savannahm9943]

“They even worship me!” Oh God lol. When people talk like this, you know something’s wrong with their head...

[@margicates553]

Yet I keep dating them....😣

[@adamlee7264]

When he said that I burst into laughter! My dad says the same damn thing😂😂

[@floatingsara]

So much Donald Trump's style 😂

[@fridayjonesusa]

My narcissist father would never bother calling any of his daughters.

[@EMunaBee]

Mine only contacts me to complain about some money issue he thinks is my fault or to let me know a shipment is being delivered to me but it's supposed to go to him so I have to deal with it or to tell me someone is dying.

[@lu-cthecynical]

Mine only calls when he's around other people so he can look like a sweet and attentive father in front of them

[@lindagithaiga1974]

I can do without the calls-especially when every phone call is a quarrel of what I have not done.leaving me feeling so nervous

[@ChannelCreator]

I prefer it that way.

[@wendidotr]

Just to vent about his life but God he would never know this amount of detail. He would still manage to find the same amount of time to yell tho

[@julietagimenez8065]

I love how as soon as the second roleplay started, my first thought was "that doesn't happen in real life".

[@user-bc5cf5kr4s]

I am the empowering daughter. This is how I talk back to my narcissist father. Expose the abuse they did to us! How we don't have to tolerate them.

[@Tia.K.C]

My dad told me the other day that it broke his heart when I quit band to do art in high school. I'm 27! Um hello I'm a thriving artist today lol. I realized sometime ago that my dad lives in his own world, but I get to be the Queen of mine.

[@bellyfulochelly4222]

Correct. Enjoy your liberty.

[@DragonflyDivaMuse]

It's telling that I am more triggered by the HEALTHY father dialogue because that's so foreign to me and what I never got from my own childhood/adolescence/early adulthood. Your platform has helped me figure out the last 40+ years of my life.

[@evonekky3672]

When he said "liberal media" my jaw dropped ... word for word the same things I've heard ... this is chilling how on point it is

[@ButterflyLove85]

Same for me. And then my dad likes to tell me it's not my fault, the media has brainwashed me... Coming from the guy that only watches one specific "news" station...

[@DingDongDaddyFromDumas]

Narcissists are stupid and predictable. This guy can just write a script and it applies to what millions of people go through. They’re evil and scary, but underneath they’re just painfully stupid. Like broken robots.

[@fourleaf8055]

The “liberal media” does try to brainwash and control for real

[@arleneshanley9889]

My parents watch so much fox news it is imprinted in their TV screen. My dad was also famous for name-calling, especially "you dope".

[@Rosie82333]

People need to stop watching the news period. Fox and CNN are both being used to divide us....but the liberal media is WAY worse with the propaganda....Don’t fall for the two party system....

[@joyalways1179]

I am 58 and my father is still angry he paid my tuition. He had actually been adding up all my expenses from 35 years ago. When I used to visit he always brought it up, always. I told them to stop. They never did. He is a millionaire and was back then.

[@ProdavackaDivu]

The crazy thing is they actually LOVE that they helped you so they can hold it over you forever...

[@catwhisperer1253]

@@ProdavackaDivu My dad kicked me out of the house at 19 with nothing. It was hard, but now I see what a huge blessing in disguise that was. I worked my own way through college and no one can hold it over my head. Sure, I have huge student loans, but I would rather have those hanging over my head. Great video. Thank you! ❤

[@EverHeartK98]

Mine is the opposite. My father borrowed a lot (a still owes) of money off of me, yet I am still "ungrateful" anytime I mention him paying me back. He says "you don't need it, I do. And after everything I've done for you..." Still struggling with my relationship with him. My entire life I thought this was normal. These videos are painfully showing me that I was not at all living in a normal household. And that it wasn't/isn't normal to feel afraid in your own home.

[@catwhisperer1253]

@@EverHeartK98 That's a tough place to be because the guilt can work so easily..."I fed you, I kept a roof over your head, etc. for years...." How can you argue with that??? You could say that it was his responsibility to pay for everything (food, clothes, shelter, etc.) when you were a child and you do not owe him anything for that. You are not obligated to pay him back for being a child. However, if I were you, I would just write off this loan. Forget about it. You probably won't ever see it anyway. Just don't loan him any more money, since I assume the amount he owes you is a lot already. Peace to you.

[@nicolebrennan3085]

Crazy part is- HE BIRTHED YOU! You didn’t ask to be born, he did that! He is required to help you lolll

[@amberinthemist7912]

"Classic you". One of my dad's greatest hits.

[@ourtravelingzoo3740]

Daughter sure looks like Dad 😉

[@SweetiePieTweety]

Thanks, I needed that lol

[@calmblueocean7243]

Yeah, the apple don't fall far from the tree 🤪!

[@afuentesarnd_the_world2676]

Omg 😱 she does

[@CertifiedRookAppreciator]

Well, they are related. I'd hope they'd look alike

[@Jessica-iq6kj]

Spitting image 😆

[@CC-ph6mp]

My father used to comment on my appearance and my body all the time when I was a teen-ager. I was never tall, skinny or pretty enough. I've gone no contact 5 years ago, best choice I've ever made.

[@kidano5317]

Crazy how parents could say that…. When it’s literally THEIR 😳 genetics that created you!

[@lu-cthecynical]

That seems to be a common thing. My father called me "pig" as a nickname when I was a teenager. He'd even do it in public and explain to people that he calls me that because I'm fat. "It's just a joke, it's funny. You have no sense of humour."

[@mystical_cupcake]

@@lu-cthecynical omg I'm so sorry 💗

[@followmeintofitness5578]

Even if you were it would still not be enough. I am 6’ tall and relatively attractive. Being tall you weigh more. I wore a size 8 but weighed 180lbs. My dad told me I should go play linebacker for the local university football team. Crazy how those little comments stay with you a lifetime. He wouldn’t even remember he said it, if I brought it up now (25 yrs later) Now I’m morbidly obese and I do think it stemmed from always having my body scrutinized

[@Luenysgo]

Mine was a tad grosser. He would only be nice to me if I looked attractive. He would make gross comments about my body and how “attractive it was” and then ask me to exercise with him, I always declined. I was a teenager btw like a young 13 y/o when this started. It never sat well with me. If I gained even a pound he would notice and grill me over it. I developed an ED because of him and later I ended up gaining weight just because of how uncomfortable his comments made me, when I moved out for a few months that weight went right off and when I moved back and his comments started up again I gained it. This was happening unconsciously, and I want to stop cause I like my body I just don’t want him oogling it. Some weeks ago I had worn mini skirt that I liked a lot with my favorite heels (I didn’t know he was coming with or I would’ve changed) and walked a few steps in front of him just to go get something and this man was almost salivating in front of my mom mind you. I looked at him sternly and said “what?!” And he said his little line: “oh you just look like you did when you were a child...” I’m dreading the father daughter dance at my wedding in a couple of years.

[@bulagertrude]

One of the things I noticed with the healthy father is that he talked a LOT less and the daughter got to talk a lot more! That’s really empowering.

[@monicabelladonna4626]

OMG this father looks exactly like my mother!Only, sometimes she hides and becomes very sweet and "supportive" and "caring" but her real face is THIS. Slavery in the 21st century, "I pay for your bills so you will do anything I want". My father is "I just work here" parent who protects the abuser. Hello no sense of home, security, and anxiety 🌚👍.

[@mandidavies6254]

I just work here! Classic! Heard this a lot.

[@ununhexium]

The father in the video got sweet briefly when he was saying he could help her find a job. It's these moments that make the abused person wonder if they are crazy for thinking the abuser is truly abusive...

[@Luubelaar]

@@ununhexium but is it really help? I've had that kind of "help". It comes with a lot of strings attached and on top of it all, you owe him for all this he did for you. It's not worth it.

[@monicabelladonna4626]

@@ununhexium yeah, its a form of gasliting

[@monicabelladonna4626]

@@mandidavies6254 in my case this is "What I can do, you know your mom is a little bit sick, we need to support her "

[@Marella2024]

The healthy parent was the one that hurt my heart. Having a healthy minded father is a dream that I have accepted will never come true, but thank God that I'm empowered in my communication now and have set boundaries with him to show that I no longer tolerate his verbal and mental abuse. l can't have the dream, but I sure as heck can do my best to control my own reality.

[@ameebohrer1889]

Seeing what a "healthy" conversation could look like is heartbreaking. I can't imagine being supported and asked what I want, rather than just told what to do. Thank you, this is so helpful. Also that he discourages her getting her own insurance-- that's his leverage to keep control. Wow.

[@vitravegastarsystem5958]

I can relate to this, my narc father is a pilot and always wanted me to become a flight attendant to make him look good. I cut him off years ago. He recently contacted me demanding to see my daughter. I told him to get some help for his alcoholism and rage issues and then we could talk. His response was that he had no problem and that the problem was mine. Typical narc response. But I’m grateful that I can see right through it.🤣

[@jessicamusicslife465]

Omg. Same experience.

[@teemingresonance]

That back peddling in the empowered version when the daughter says I am going to hang up. As if to say, now hang on, I'm the one being nice here, why are you getting mad at me? So typical.

[@kathleentaurasi3314]

Excellent portrayal of my father. I am the empowered daughter in this. That is how our conversations have gone for about 50 years. I have now finally gone no contact and am beginning to heal. Getting away from the emotional abuse has been the best thing I ever did for myself.

[@rebeccachurch5200]

I am glad you have gone no contact with your father. I did this fifteen years ago and never looked back. He is not only a malignant narcissist I believe he is also a psychopath as he never was capable of empathy or compassion. I have felt strongly over the years that he could have been a serial killer in his younger years. He certainly fits the profile for one although there were never any facts to back up my assumptions. His extreme hatred for women and abuse of animals made me think it was very possible.

[@DarthFurie]

Wow watching this was traumatic, but validating at the same time. The condescension, dismissal of the child's feelings, invasion of privacy, acting like you can't do anything unless it's what they want, playing the victim and then raging when they don't get their way. I don't know if my mom fits the profile of "malignant" narcissist, but she has many, many narcissistic traits. I haven't spoken to her in 6 years and this video *still* made my heart race. To the fellow children of narcissists, I see you. You are loved ❤

[@chloechristodoulou7025]

The intrusiveness of him knowing every detail about the therapist really hit home for me. My mum is like a detective, even now when I'm on very low contact she will come out with facts and figures about my life and my husband's that are jaw dropping. I try to give her absolutely no information about us for this reason. My husband started a new job and the other week she texted my husband that she liked his picture on his company's website and other weird random info about the company and staff.... It's such a strange and intrusive power play.

[@nolacanola]

Watching the healthy dad made me wanna cry . It's so touching. IT feels so safe, like the dad is talking to a human being vs a piece of property.

[@bzmama9893]

Lol At the end when he said “I don’t need the insurance that bad”, when I cut ties with my controlling father I told my husband that I “don’t want the inheritance that bad for this abuse”. I walked away and never once regret it. I’m free. You can do it too. It’s hard and the abuse gets a lot worse before it stops. You are taking away their power and they don’t like it. You CAN do this. ❤️

[@atis9061]

👏🏻

[@amyclay8961]

I've stopped talking to my dad but not said why yet. What did you say to your dad to cut contact?

[@arleneshanley9889]

Went no contact last week after limited contact for several years. They can have their deluded lives.

[@bzmama9893]

@@arleneshanley9889 yes, I understand. Sometimes limited is not enough. For me, trying to limit only made them MORE vulturous. I was really locked into “their way” and it was hard to detach. Good for you for doing it. You may don’t yourself form time to time. But likely one interaction may be enough to remind you. For some reason Pavalo comes to mind… 🤔

[@marcwilson368]

"The Family Business" is exactly what my narc father holds over my head when he makes demands etc. My sister is 39, married, has kids and two degrees yet my father wants her to be his secretary.

[@jennifer9047]

Narcissism and nepotism go hand in hand.

[@sunshineyrainbows13]

Wow...are we really living the same life?

[@marcwilson368]

@@sunshineyrainbows13 crazy and scary how these narcs read from the same script!

[@oranged6703]

Omg Start your own business or get a job You will meet many narcisitic people at work too Narcisim is the pandemic If not narcisitic abusers n users

[@sonnetspring]

My best friend had parents like this. I heard the arguments many times. She died at 23, and I didn’t feel as bad for them as maybe I should have. They contributed to her despair so deeply.

[@owenfoster3257]

I got banned from seeing the school counsellor & therapist because I was struggling with home life and being LGBTI+. My dad found out and threatened to kick me out of home until I stopped going. "Nothing should leave these 4 walls." This was obviously when I was in school I'm 33 now. I finally cut him off 3.5 years ago, because he was 'too busy providing for us kids' to come to my wedding. I haven't needed anything from him for over a decade and he still thinks he's doing it all for us. The guilt is insane.

[@raccuia1]

Yes guilt can be a problem. But the person you should be guilty towards is you for not protecting yourself from the evil criminal abuser masquerading in a human body.

[@catwhisperer1253]

@@raccuia1 O.k. That is not helpful or true. Please stop giving bad advice. You are not a doctor. She should not feel guilty at all! She should be gracious and kind to herself. Dealing with a narcissist is hard for everyone. No need to add more guilt on top of it. Stop giving advice! We are here to listen to the doctor in the video for advice!

[@mskatwilkins]

OH - - that "Nothing should leave these 4 walls" hits home so PAINFULLY!

[@yodanski5830]

"You're dumb." "You're lazy." "Your mother's insane/crazy." "You need to get a job." "Sometimes I need to break you, so I can build you up again." "Did you ever think about how people are going to think of ME because of what YOU have done/said?" etc. etc. These words are what I grew up with. I learned a few years ago how to stand up to him, and I'm still figuring it out. Deep inside, I'm still very afraid to talk back, yet I muster up my courage. I am able to raise my voice at him once he crosses my line and insults me - something I was never able to do. I am able to demand respect from him, even though he still refuses to respect me. It took me so many years to get to where I am now and I can now stand up not only to him, but also supervisors at work, random people on the street and the boyfriends in my life whenever I feel wronged. Because, for some reason, no human on this earth is as scary to me as my father is. This video was very harrowing, as it reminded me of how my father used to treat me - and still tries to do. But it also reminds me how far I've come. To all the girls out there who are still struggling: Remind yourself that you are worth it! Actively distance yourselves from your narcissistic and abusive fathers and interact more with other people! Listen to opinions from people who are not family - because they most often will see how wrong your fathers treat you, even though you may not see it for yourselves yet. Rid yourselves of the hope they might someday change - they never will see their own faults. Remind yourselves of your rights: However abusive they may be to you, you have every right to call the police and defend yourselves if push comes to shove.

[@raye271]

“You gave your mother a heart attack” - one of so many lines I was fed by my father. Thank you for making these. They help us feel less alone 👍🏻

[@montanamvk]

Wow, what absolute bs. I am so sorry. Please don’t carry that, please.

[@lesleyvivien2876]

My parents fought tooth and nail to stop my brother marrying the girl of his choice. After two years, they finally got married - and my mother got cancer. She said it was my brother's fault. :(

[@megisanandroid6285]

@@montanamvk when I broke up with my ex (since he was cheating) he said I caused his mums bowel cancer. He said I caused her so much stress because I left him that it brought cancer on. He also faked having a heart attack and went crazy that I didn't believe him.

[@DragonflyDivaMuse]

WOW!!! And my family told me my entire childhood that I would be responsible for giving my father a heart attack, which is basically the same thing (as if his untreated PTSD from military service, crappy childhood, overbearing mother, and addiction to pork and salt never had ANYTHING to do with his health). I am sorry that we BOTH endured this horrific gaslighting abuse.

[@DragonflyDivaMuse]

@@lesleyvivien2876 That is horrific and I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you.

[@susieq2334]

I respect and understand that everyone’s situation is different, but for me, being NO CONTACT with my parents for the last two years has been lifesaving. I have never felt so at peace before. It was hard at first, but I’m so happy that I was able to finally rid myself (and my son) from these toxic people. Wishing you the peace and the love that you all deserve.❤️

[@shoopydoopy9388]

IDENTICAL to my abusive uncle. My biological father was horrid and my mother a huge enabler, my auntie dated and then later married a very narcissistic and unstable man who somehow thought his one goal in life was to "father me" and shape a "fatherless child" to what he wanted. Took me years to realise why I felt physically ill every time I interacted with him, but every time I tried to bring it up my mother and auntie would enable him saying I should be grateful anyone wants to be my father. Did many years of self blame and absorbing his nasty energy (which was essentially triggering the bullshit I dealt with with my biological father actually). I did the cut off late last year which went ok, a bit concerned for his birthday/father's day coming up as my mother and auntie love to use me to placate him on these days and holidays as he's very prone to rages otherwise. Typical narcissistic family dynamics and I'm not willing to be the sacrificial lamb anymore. No thanks, ladies! You made your bed now you sleep in it ✌🏽

[@Gabrielle333eeeee]

I would have given anything to have a healthy dad. My dad was the first example x10. I’m 24 and I still dream about having a healthy nurturing father figure. People who have healthy dads like the second example are so lucky they have no idea!! Your parents truly shape so many aspects of your life🥺

[@dmv7479]

“Comments that point out that we shouldn’t be picking up the phone anyway is just too judgy” THANK YOU! Victim blaming doesn’t help anyone. I immediately subscribed. You are amazing. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[@rubytuesday7653]

Right on target....🍁🌻🍁

[@brandieshaw9484]

So true. People who say that have never dealt with a narcissist so they don’t understand the power they can have

[@Xtheearthchildx]

My dad said “you wouldn’t be shit without me” I’m an art teacher and my dad always tells people I’ll never make any real money. He says I need a real career and not just a job. We no longer speak lol This video has been my whole life unfortunately.

[@MuR1017]

I’m so sorry he was like that. Art teachers are the best and when I look back at my schooling they were the ones who made the most positive impact on me. I’m not in a creative field but my passions/side gigs are artistic like cake decorating. If it weren’t for my art teacher challenging me to think out the box and fuel my creativity, I would be a lot more miserable. You’re going to make a lasting positive impact on a lot of people’s lives.

[@Xtheearthchildx]

@@MuR1017❤️❤️

[@amiahedmondson6320]

I’m so sorry, I can relate too because my dad said the same thing when I told him I wanted to be a music teacher

[@SamianHQuazi]

But your dad was right about the money thing, let's get real. And that's not abusive parenting - that's Asian parenting. If the parents won't give you the cold hard truth, will outsiders (and their fake smiles and fake platitudes) do it for you? Of course not.

[@KOwens-ul6sy]

I can relate. I got a lot of “you’re going to end up alone and one is the loneliness number.” That stuff is so hard to shake off. Just typing those words makes my chest hurt.

[@icidaimon5670]

The best part of these videos is seeing how many other people have experienced these types of situations growing up- makes me feel less alone

[@athomewithfrancsicio]

Exactly

[@karenburgner217]

I’d love a covert narcissist mother- daughter scenario.... (my situation) Or malignant narc father with victimized covert narcissist mother... (also lucky me)

[@Active0Bserver]

Oh my gosh, the dynamic of my parents is very similar! I'd also love to see a video on the relationship between overt and convert narc parents

[@ildikopeter7850]

Agreed on this topic, i'd love to see it too! A dynamic of 2 parents (overt narc dad and covert 'victim' mother) and 1 only child (daughter). To be caught up in this sh@t between the two crazy ones, and grow up with them, that's hell to me.

[@arianaleibold]

MY LIFEEEE

[@SakiBlablabla]

Damn you won the lottery ! Hope you are ok !

[@calliethomas2702]

I thought I was the only one who found the "healthy father" role the most triggering, but now I see it as a commonality. This was brutally validating, thank you. It's hard knowing so many of us will never have that dynamic, but at least we know we aren't crazy (or asking too much) for desiring it and we (or me at least) can stop projecting that this possibility of magically turning into the healthy father, will suddenly come into fruition whenever said parent overcomes (whatever excuse we've accepted as valid for them being anything other than this). If you're taking requests: I would like to know the difference between the "dismissive + absent + critical" father versus the "neglectful narcissistic intellectual" father and where one would draw that line of separation between the two, or perhaps instead, how the two co-mingle; as well as the role play of that dynamic. If that's too niche, I understand. In any case, thanks again for the great content!!

[@komikett]

That’s what I really love about this channel, part of what we went through was the training by the toxic & abusive parents that what they were doing “wasn’t that bad” but when you watch the “healthy parent” RP it hurts SO MUCH because it shows us we DON’T have that. I get why it’s so triggering but I think it’s so helpful he includes it for people who are in a good place to watch it.

[@opossumsauce4472]

EXACTLY! Or an abusive controlling father. When I tried to be the "empowered daughter" my dad straight up told me that he didn't care about my opinion because it didn't matter and if I didn't like it, I could get out. Which I did... That's how I moved out at 16 and had to fend for myself. These other dads seem rich and tame compared to mine.

[@helly9able1]

The worst part about the narsissistic father was that it was normal and daily. Sobbing about how a healthy father sounded like. Thank you for this roleplay

[@kendrar4333]

That first role play. My father had never found out I went to therapy (I was on my mom's insurance so he didn't see it). But the "you of all people don't have problems" Such a big confirmation that he was a narcissistic person. Always told me I didn't know what depression was or had no reason to be depressed. Thank you for these videos

[@alwaysaccurate8725]

The scenario is why many college students dont get therapy

[@alildaisy2180]

It’s so sad how all of us didn’t get upset at the narcissistic dad, but at the healthy one. That shows how that bad behavior is so normal to us it has no effect, and that the second we feel the comfort from the healthy father it makes us break bc we have such a walled up need for the support. I love all you guys, even if your parents don’t.

[@brendad6856]

The empowered daughter sounds good, but what happens when the dad stops paying for the insurance to see the therapist and for anything else after she becomes “ungrateful”.

[@alexmontfortmills]

When I was 15 I became the empowered daughter in the custody battle we were all in, you pretty much sacrifice anything. My dad said if I testified against him that he would make sure my mother and I lived on the streets, and I told him it was better to be homeless than live with him. I didn't talk to him for 7 years. I shut him down anytime he tries to pull a power move. But in regards to therapy, there are multiple free resources for therapy for low income. I treated my Ptsd mainly from free or low cost resources if that is what you are worried about. I hope this helps!

[@jazzb3371]

@@alexmontfortmills What are those resources?

[@bionicwoman9884]

She gets a job. She's an adult.

[@bionicwoman9884]

@@bernadettdezsi7071 I was just going by his scenario since the person was an adult. I do agree that if you are financially dependent on a narcissist you may not want to say it's none of your business when the narcissist is paying the insurance. Not sure in that scenario if it's a child. Maybe a church might help if one is religious or a charity.

[@stephaniejones5200]

I have found that the insurance is the last form of control. You have the right to go and find insurance on ur own, thru work or independently. Do this without consulting the father. If obtain it great!! If not he will still cover you typically. The more you become empowered the less controlled you are and you will turn around one day and realize you have done very well for yourself. Because a child to live and survive what we have, we can do anything.

[@Karmystic]

I didn’t expect to burst into tears during the healthy father role play.

[@elfglow4557]

Me too and my dad didn’t even have NPD. But healthy is so nice. Who will gives us back all the parental love NPD stole from us :(

[@Southern_Empress]

After completing my 2nd yr of law school and the week of my wedding, my Dad told me “You ain’t shit. You ain’t never done shit and you’ll never be shit.” I had worked 2 and one semester 3 jobs to pay for my undergrad and graduated debt free. I worked 2 jobs in law school. Now I have a successful practice and he’s dead. I thank God I didn’t let the horrible things he said to me break me. It hurt deeply but I always knew it was about him and not me. I had to learn to be my own cheerleader in life. Stay strong survivors. It’s NOT You.

[@esmondkim1357]

Is it possible to see a video role playing the toxic competitiveness between two siblings that resulted from narcissistic parents that made them compete for love and attention and imposed a golden child vs scapegoat paradigm? (Maybe that’s not the type of suggestion you’re soliciting, but thank you for the vids in any case!)

[@carolea7158]

I agree. It's hard for either side. And it becomes complicated when one sibling learns about gaslighting & narcissism but can't talk to the other sibling about it. Or if the empowered sibling tries to confront the other one about double standards & refusing to take responsibility, and then one of the parents intervenes in the conversation. Yeah this stuff hits home.

[@destinymoon8860]

Wow. You just described me and my sister and I never knew why it was so competitive.

[@mskatwilkins]

@@FionavanDahl YES!!!!! I could see this so clearly in my young sibling when we were young. After I had been married nearly 30 years, he was calling me on average at least once a day trying to save his marriage, and then after he got divorced he didn't call me any more, and we only talked if I contacted him. After our last parent died, he no longer wanted anything to do with me, said I was "defensive" and when I analyzed the way I was behaving, I realized he was right, but I don't know how to change it.

[@cynthiar3013]

Yes!

[@gamzeemakara1930]

the conversation with the healthy parent made me cry because I never had anything like it and didn't know how much I needed that growing up

[@miznikki2u]

This was SO spot on. My abusive Father would have said EXACTLY the same thing to me as was said in the last sketch, just a lot more aggresivley and with a lot more swearing. I'm SO happy I cut my Father out of my life years ago.

[@garovera]

My dad has actually said to me a day after college graduation that i was a loser for becoming a graphic designer instead of a "pretty anchor woman" like he said I should have LOL

[@garovera]

Oh, and that I have my mother's "defective genes". Have you been spying on my life, Dr? hahaha

[@user-dp4bu8jy4b]

I wonder how many daughters secretly imagine kicking the crap out of their mean, tyrannical , controlling fathers after decades of PTSD and childhood abuse.

[@vg7985]

Lol. You're not only one. After I got my phd, my dad told that people who awarded me this degree are probably too stupid to understand that I'm not worthy.

[@heathers8826]

My dad said the same when I graduated with a degree in literature and history studies. I ended the relationship then and there. I saw him 20 years later to say goodbye when I heard he was dying. He had no interest in me. Thought I was there just to get in his will. I had to eventually forgive him (took a long time) and move on.

[@rainbowskies5796]

@@user-dp4bu8jy4b i physically did kick the crap out of my malignant narc parents on Father’s Day after them driving me to the brink of suicide and boy did it feel good

[@andreeadobre3190]

As someone with a healthy awesome father, "that's so you" is such a validating, empowering thing to hear from your parent no matter what age you are. Sending big hugs to everyone who didn't have this & wishing you to surround yourself with people who truly SEE you and love you for who you are.

[@valynnwolvenlore3190]

Thank you. I appreciate this.

[@sonab2867]

That's really kind, thank you!

[@rubytuesday7653]

🌹

[@barbiebouldin4434]

I agree. Every child, every person, deserves to be fully known and fully loved. Narcissistic parents don't care to really know their children. Therefore those children can never feel loved.

[@lornarettig3215]

Gosh; what a profound thing to say. I remember the fist time I heard this from anyone (in my 30s) - you’re right about how validating and empowering it was.

[@AmyKnits]

The whole "you'll never be able to make it without me" BS. My Dad always knows more than me and knows what's best for me and I'm too stupid to know what is best for me. Because I'm female, I'm stupid and do not know how to take care of myself. Very manipulative. This was a bit triggery for me. I am now No Contact with my Father after trying low contact for over 20 years. Nothing ever changed.

[@jessicamusicslife465]

Omg I so relate. It’s been imprinted in my brain that “you will never be able to make it without me”. Yikes.

[@katgreene4886]

i totally understand this. my father always insists that he does things in my “best interest” even though said things would make my mental health, situation etc. worse.

[@labbiegurl]

Oof yes. My dad tries to act like his adult children who have their own families and lives now completely out from under his shadow somehow still need him to survive. Also he’s super awful towards women in general, I believe he sees us as sub human. It disgusts me.

[@jessicamusicslife465]

@@labbiegurl yikes, my dad is the same. Very very disrespectful to women in general.

[@AccidentalWarrior144]

This almost makes me puke...what I mean is this type of BS is the exact situation my ex did to me all throughout my twenties! He was convinced he knew better because he had a "higher IQ" than me. Disgusting! Oh and I am female therefore I know hardly anything according to him. I'm so sorry but I am glad you're empowered by going no contact. I did the same a few years ago...it was tough the first couple years but now it's ALMOST smooth sailing. Like you I noticed low contact doesn't always work.

[@Kate-Does]

The narcissist father was way more encouraging to his daughter than mine ever was. His "term of endearment" for me was "shit for brains". He convinced me that the school was going to put me in the special class for "dumb kids" in the 4th grade; I found out in adulthood that they actually wanted to put me in the advanced classes. He lied and I believed him! He gaslit me out of remembering that I was put in honors math (my mom told me)... it was only after I found letters from my math and science teachers stating my advanced abilities that I truly believed it, decades after the fact.

[@Helena_helvella.crispa]

❤️

[@nothomelessonyoutube]

He was jealous you were smarter than him, he couldn't let you know that.

[@rebeccachurch5200]

My father was highly abusive and always put us down regardless of what our achievements were. When my daughter was admitted to a great college due to hard work and studying his only comment was she would never have gotten into the college he went to because she wasn't smart enough even though she didn't apply to it in the first place. When he said that to her that was the beginning of the end of my relationship with him. After I cut ties people would say but that is your father how could you do such a thing? I said you don't know what a monster he is and shut your mouth about something you know nothing about.

[@Kate-Does]

@@rebeccachurch5200 Sounds familiar. Sorry you've had to deal with this nonsense.

[@MRS.H2008]

I’m 43 and my father still brings up I didn’t go to college like he wanted. I only went to a loser cosmetology school and been a hairstylist for the last 25 years! But my sister went and he always says how it cost him $200,000 ! But ya know she has a really good job! 😂🤔 I was the skinny and dumb daughter and she was the smart and fat daughter growing up. My brother is perfect apparently! He’s far from it! I have 2 daughters and we treat them equal, my husband thinks my dad is mental for what he says. Can you do a video about parents treating older adult children like me, being controlling, nosey, and making fights with spouses??? and ignoring the fact their grandchildren are not their kids and not make comments. Thank you for teaching me grey rock! He really hates it!

[@raccuia1]

Grey rock is only good when there is no way to go no contact. You are able to go no contact and you don't. So that is the problem you have to figure out. Why are you not going no contact? If you continue to not go no contact you need to find out why and go no contact immediately. There is no other way.

[@MRS.H2008]

@@raccuia1 I know idea what you are talking about? Do you know what GR means? Also, you make no sense at all.

[@tabitas.2719]

@@raccuia1 Please listen to the beginning of the video again asking to not post comments as you did as they are very judgy and not very helpful. :)

[@eurokay4755]

I always think of Archie Bunker in the old sitcom, All In The Family. He couldn't understand his adult daughter, Gloria, and couldn't tolerate her husband Mike, whom he called "Meathead." For part of the series, the young couple was actually living in the family house with Archie and his wife, Gloria's mother, Edith, whom he openly referred to as "dingbat." Archie was an unabashed bigot, racist, misogynist who believed he was smarter, wiser and superior generally to everyone even though he was obviously not. The way the entire family and all the neighbors just blew him off, ignored his insults and generally acted as if he (and everything he said and did) was unimportant was comedy gold but highly unrealistic. On the other hand, it might actually demonstrate the best way to deal with these people: just let them say and do their idiotic rants and carry on with whatever you believe is the right thing to do. If it means you have to leave him out, then leave him out. These malignant trolls live on your emotional reaction to their verbal sewage.

[@labbiegurl]

@@eurokay4755 Verbal sewage lol so accurate. I love that idea too, I came up with that a couple months ago, I asked my husband if he thought it would work if we all just literally laughed off my dad whenever he made narcissistic comments or demands as if he was ridiculous for saying such a silly thing...

[@scarlett9939]

I was crying and laughing at the same time because this is so freaking accurate 😭 it's good to know I'm not alone. My father is very old and weaker now and the dynamic is changing so he is not quite like this anymore. But even in his weakened state, he talks down about my mother (and brother, that's a big thing with him too). Sadly he will never change. "The father makes her feel like a huge disappointment -- yet holds her hostage" wow, just wow

[@Midnight_Magic_Tarot]

“That’s so you! I love that you’re doing something like that!” Hearing that growing up would have changed everything for me. I’ve given up music, art, relationships, sports, even parts of myself because of the abuse. Ironically enough, that dynamic made me so supportive of everyone else’s plans, which he just saw as me intentionally draining myself and my resources. Our parents grew up in a different time, but enough is enough ❤️🍃

[@heinuchung8680]

My dad says these things all the time especially the “I told you so.” I find it tiring and I sound like the child just beaten down and tired. I say yes and okay . We barely speak these days doing my own thing.

[@deborah1295]

I always think with these role plays, that the"I'm hanging up the call if you're going to be abusive" response suggests that there has been some sort of a prior conversation where the empowered person has said "you're abusive" or "I don't like the way you talk to me" or something. Like, you can't just say, the first time you ever stand up to them, "I'm ending this call," they'll be like "What do you mean, ending the call, what are you talking about? I'm not abusive!" In all the empowered versions of these role plays, it doesn't come across like it's the first time. That's the role play I want to see, the sweaty-palmed terror of an abused person plucking up the courage to do it for the first time.

[@Michbeachlover]

I can totally relate to this unhealthy dad role play. I was the empowered daughter. My father always put down my mother to the point that she did not know if she was going crazy. As I got older and knew how controlling he was and wanted all family members under his thumb. Add alcoholic in the mix with the narcissist and it was a disaster.

[@stephanievizzi9147]

My mom had depression, anxiety, lymes, and fibromyalgia my entire childhood and my dad blamed me and my sisters for her illnesses. Truth is (not lymes) but those symptoms are brought on by living with an extreme narcissist.

[@truthh8597]

Lymes could be too.. physical illness after chronic narcissistic abuse is very prevalent and makes the situation ten times worse

[@TylinaVespart]

Woke up in tears because I was dreaming about explaining my Dad to an old family friend and I was transported right back into feeling like it was all my fault. The communication problems, the teen years being so “troubled”, the fact we don’t talk now. Reality is I tried so so hard from when I was tiny. My Dad is a lot like this, but manages to look reasonable to outsiders. My Mum I’m pretty sure is covert. There’s a lot in all this for me. Thank you for putting these out, it’s incredibly helpful knowing I have somewhere I can go watch examples in these moments.

[@AAADHD1619]

I hear you. Explaining why you dont talk to narcissistic family anymore to old friends, it doesnt always make you feel heard or relieved, or happy to have mentioned it. But its real. It tore you down in the past and its hard to not let it get to you in the now. Going through the looong ass healing process. And its lonely.

[@TylinaVespart]

@@AAADHD1619 I’m fortunate in most of my friends, they’ve either seen enough of it happening through the years or had similar issues or both. Definitely makes it easier to remember overall but there’s still the odd moment. Healing is so so important though. Well done for going through it, seriously. I remember the lonely part viscerally and here’s the hopeful thing - that’s a memory now. Hang in there, keep going, it’s worth the time. ❤️