The Narcissistic Father Daughter Relationship

In this video Darren Magee discusses some of the typical dynamics in a relationship between a narcissistic father and his daughter. Dynamics can include controlling behaviour, emotional abuse, neglect, over protectiveness and / or indifference. Looking also at some of the long term affects this behaviour has on the daughter.
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#narcissisticfather #narcissisticfamily #narcissism

[@DarrenFMagee]

The videos I make are requested by you the viewer. Please leave a comment if there are any mental health or psychology related topics you'd like me to cover in future videos.

[@mf5799]

Just came from a trip w/friends who ADORE Narc hubs. I feel I’ve been smeared by him to them due to their behaviors towards me. Very painful . I’m not going to waste my energy attempting to show I’m not “whoever” he tells them I am ….it was a long trip

[@mf5799]

My daughters are confused by Narc dad wanting boys to be respectful to them - as he is very disrespectful to me, their mom . I address the best I can w/o saying too much . It’s very difficult

[@dm3144]

Hi Dr, could you please expand more on surviving of narcissistic children?

[@dm3144]

@@mf5799 dear One, I’m so sorry you’re going through that, however there are a lot of tools to get our lives back on track, to protect our children. Prayers , Love 💗 and respect to your family, except the NARC husband 🥺 PS… Everyone on these great knowledgeable sites about narcissism experiences the same things that you do. Remember my love, you’re never alone we’re here for you.👍

[@Krystaliine]

1) What are psychogenic non-epileptic seizures? What causes them, can they be prevented or altogether stopped? 2) Award ceremonies in an education setting: do they benefit the school community by fostering a sense of pride in the group and/or act as a means of motivation for children to work harder and grow into better versions of themselves, or are they actually detrimental? Are they outdated ableist, classist traditions that discourage students and harm their self-worth? Do they actually celebrate secure and financially stable home lives, robust mental/physical health, and an absence of neurodivergence/intellectual disabilities? Do they cause alienation among members of the student body, encouraging a kind of segregation & discrimination between the “high achievers” (that is, the children lucky enough to have less obstacles in the way of their learning process and behavioral habits), the average students, and “slackers” (who are less likely to actually be choosing to fall short of expectations simply because they feel like it) that otherwise might not happen until later in life? 3) There’s a common belief that most people who go into the mental health research and treatment field began their journey in an attempt to fix or understand their own problems. Regardless of that assumption’s factualness, how does a social worker, forensic psychologist, or other type of mental health worker prevent themselves from allowing their own past problems to get in the way of their client’s treatment? 4) How does malnourishment due to eating disorders affect brain processing? Does it actually numb emotions? Why do severely eating disordered people have so much trouble accurately interpreting other’s facial expressions/emotional signals? How common is alexithymia among eating disordered individuals?

[@realhealing7802]

I was terrified of my father. He used fear to control me. In fact, my entire family used fear and guilt to control me. I am the youngest in the family and a girl. Life was so hard growing up in a narcissistic family.

[@NeytirilovesJake]

Did you ever get over the fear? I find myself in a similar situation and now am finally financially independent, however the fear keeps me answering calls every so often. It makes me feel like no contact is impossible - I'm deathly afraid of this but cannot imagine how I will live if I keep in contact.

[@realhealing7802]

@@NeytirilovesJake it has gotten better with time. When you are raised in a narcissistic family system, you have to give yourself time. I hope things get better for you.

[@truthh8597]

Same story

[@SapnaSehijpal]

Relatable

[@EaglesEyes6354]

Exactly I'm still living in such family

[@sw-nk6sf]

If you are a daughter of a narcissist father or mother, and if you start dating, make sure they are NOTHING like your parents. It may be scary to try to navigate that world when you are unfamiliar with personality types who are not like your abusers, but it is a rock you can stand on. IF THEY REMIND YOU OF YOUR NARC PARENTS, RUN!!!

[@agnieszkadz2933]

Very true! I had had two toxic relationships with men VERY similar to my narcisstic father and I barely survived. Now I'm married to a man that is exactly the opposite of my father- it wasn't easy, because it wasnt my first choice (we tend to choose what we know), but... I'm the happiest now. I feel like I have broken a very toxic cycle and I'm so proud.

[@animetsystudio9841]

Yes that's y I'm still single and waiting for right one..bc I promised myself that even slightest quality should not match my father when I meet someone, I cannot tolerate such people and are nightmare to me. I've attracted admirers who've match my dad and rejected them..due to their grandiosity they were insulted by me badly and idc. But covert ones are difficult to recognise so hence when I realised they are covert one I ghosted them and blocked them. This is also the reason I've less friends. This from falling into trap to do this study about narcissism and make your intuition strong.

[@SaritWorld]

I would rather have cancer than date. Why would anyone date? Are they bored?

[@splinadero]

Or even better, stay alone, so someone is saved from you unbearable garbage that you are going to dump on the dude. Unless you are working really hard to become a better person.

[@kateashby3066]

I’m 43, I wish someone had told me this 25 years ago. ❤

[@ayaalhaddad3232]

Growing up with my narcissistic dad made me fear becoming like him

[@izolde59]

Yes!!!!!!

[@bondann8]

Sooooo true! That was my main goal when leaving home: never become similar to him.

[@DS-ig6hl]

Same. I did the opposite to a fault.

[@droolingpine9658]

I don’t understand the narrative that i would want a man like my father… the man who terrorized everyone

[@chicchi19771]

Yep, he made me a feminist,

[@ggabrielledavies]

My father tore me down and destroyed me since I was young. As I grow older I see how truly weak and pathetic he is. Almost like a child grasping for control

[@JayJayGrady4U]

Wow, that comment was deep.

[@ASMRyouVEGANyet]

​@@JustADude908 promiscuity trap?

[@kw3036]

Yesssss, this is my dad to a T

[@meghanperrone5928]

Ugh "...the unkind humor" hit me hard. My father has invalidated me in many ways, including using me as the topic to some of his "jokes", but any negative reaction I may give, I was told to not take things so personally or seriously. If he wasn't yelling, belittling or making fun of me, I was entirely neglected. I have a lot of consequences from growing up in that environment but am so lucky that my husband, whom my father did not want me to marry, is nothing like him. I am healing more and more with my husband's support. Love is no longer something I need to earn.

[@corypowercat7277]

I had the same issues. My dad's brothers would join in and when I told them to stop they would just yell "no".

[@Grace-rx7cv]

Sounds so similar to my childhood. My father always made me the butt of his jokes, when id get ypset he would say im too sensitive. He will always throw little divs at me about the past, even when the arent even accurate - like me having poor school performance, when it wasnt the case. If i ever throw a comment in about some of the abuse he made me endure he sulks like a child and then when i attempt to upset the cycle by actually taking responsibility and apologising (something he cannot do) he wont accept it but just use it as an excuse to lord it over me as a power move to make me even lower. Constantly asserting his control over me, how i wasnt his equal and never would be, he was top dog, when my mother was in her last days of life he called a family meeting and i was foolishly thinking it would be to say we all had to be there for eachother... but no, it was to make it clear that he already knew what it felt like to lose a mother (he wasnt close with his mother) but he was losing his whole world, just making it clear that this was about him and his pain, not us. So much psychological and emotional abusive as well as some physical abuse but because it "wasnt as bad as his" ours doesnt count. Im finally now seeing it for what it is, and realising no matter what i do, who i become, how much I try to appease him, im never going to get what im hoping for out of him because he simply lacks the ability to be insightful or ever be wrong.

[@PassionateFlower]

I was trying to stand up to my father after years of his gaslighting, intimidation, minimization, invalidation, and hypocrisies. Then one night last year I got sexually assaulted by a complete stranger who invaded my home. After escaping and telling police, at first I was grateful to just be alive and thought I would set aside my differences with my father and just enjoy whatever kind of relationship we had while we're both still alive but on Thanksgiving my dad said, "Sorry about what happened to you but you can't have it both ways." That's the closest thing to compassion he could muster for his daughter who got raped and almost lost her life to a masked stranger threatening me with a gun. So I haven't spoken to him ever since. You really can't have it both ways. You can't assert your needs and boundaries with a narcissistic father and still expect him to care about what complete strangers do to harm you. If you don't choose complete blind loyalty to your narcissistic father he will be apathetic and dismissive to your pain and suffering inflicted on you by criminals who are out to target you.

[@jennymccombie9604]

My father was a covert narcissist and his opinion was that if a woman is sexually assaulted then they are " ruined " , used goods that no man would want . Damaged and a social outcast. Nice huh? Oh and the woman probably did something to make the man assault her . A coc% tease who dressed in such a way that that poor guy couldn't control himself. His opinion on women who accidentally become pregnant... he would have loved a job where he could publicly shame them. He left my mom when he was 70 to spend his inheritance that he hid all those years ago. Of course his real family ( brother and niece/ nephews) got most of it and then threw him into a crappy apartment until he needed a nursing home. Such a ungrateful person.

[@debragorecki762]

So sorry you had to go through that Roxy.

[@dianeibsen5994]

I think it's just best to get away. Stop the abuse.

[@free2be748]

Wow, I am so sorry for what you went through. You just simply described a monster, I pray that you find healing from this horrible experience.

[@juliejenner8427]

I am so sorry that happened to you. I wish you every blessing and help for your healing. Your honesty and clarity in seeing your Dad’s wound for what it is moves me. I am so sorry he hurt you like this. It is never ok to be abused either by a stranger or someone known. Thank you for your courage in sharing I am wishing you well🙏🏻🌻

[@AwkwardlyIntroverted]

My dad was physically and emotionally abusive. He always had to be in control. We walked on eggshells around him at home. He never hugged us or said I love you. The clothes on our backs and the roof over our heads meant that he loved us. At least that’s what he said. He once told me I wasn’t all that pretty. He hated my now husband while we were dating. He made our dating life hell. He claimed that he wasn’t good enough for me. My husband treats me like gold. I couldn’t ask for a better man. I finally mustered up the courage to stand up to him at 23 because I couldn’t take it anymore, and he slapped me to the ground. I stopped talking to him for a while after that. My mom begged me to fix the relationship in order to “keep the peace”. 10 years later we talk every now and again. I keep my distance. But you know what’s funny? He wants to know why I don’t call or come around that often, or why I don’t spend time with him. He’s given me compliments on how pretty I am. Like I should forget my childhood and how he treated me. He acts like it never happened. He’s delusional. I refuse to do any of those things. How could I? I see him enough in my nightmares. Literally!

[@62803]

I’m so sorry I can 100% relate. I’m so happy that you found someone who treats you so well as one of my biggest fears is ending up with someone like my father. I’m off to college soon so I’m glad to know that I can get distance and even though ik he’ll blame me for wanting distance as well :/

[@corypowercat7277]

I ran off from my dad in 2018. Now 2023 he keeps wondering why I won't speak to him.

[@pinkyndebrain4578]

You’re NOT obligated to do any more than you already have. He should be grateful but he’ll never feel it 🤷‍♀️

[@juliemango3538]

Blaming the mother....that sounds oooooh so familiar. When I finally began to challenge him he blamed my mother for turning me against him. So there was no way I could and should have been able think and reason for myself. I tip toe around him the best I can, trying to keep my temper in check because it is my mother who feels it behind closed doors.

[@hb-ok5us]

My father only made me cry... All my life

[@momtorachie]

This is my daughter’s relationship with her father. It’s hell to watch her go through. I am so sorry I chose him to have a child with him but of course, I realize she wouldn’t be who she is if I hadn’t. I’m still sorry though. I’m sorry for you too. I hope you have someone in your life who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. I hope you have learned to smile. 🤍

[@helenburke3499]

Same.

[@Melly16yr10]

Kick him out of your life, you don't deserve this abuse in fact no one dose from anyone

[@MarissaWeiss]

same, but NOT ANYMORE!

[@wendydavidson4621]

My father couldn’t have cared less about me or my brothers. He never ever showed affection, never went to any of our functions. Never cared about our achievements. Didn’t really know we existed. Wondered why he even had kids.

[@Melly16yr10]

Self Validation

[@gobears6487]

Same, never attended any important events but certainly bragged to others about my accomplishments. Avoided contact every day. Never approved of me. But told others how great I'm doing because I took after him or because of his parenting.

[@LN-pm5yl]

My dad made a point of ignoring me. He read the paper at my basketball games. He didn’t care when my best friends dad tried to assault me, Im 43 and still not sure he even believed me. He totally ruined my self esteem. Hes gotten worse with age and recently told me he married my mom bc he thought she had money. He still tries to control me and meddles in my life. Im finally going very low contact.

[@LaraOlina]

Sometimes I wonder the same thing about my dad too. I think its just so he can show off to other his seemingly "perfect" life with a good looking wife, cute and later successful children, a big house with a nice garden and what not. I'm sorry you didn't get the dad you deserve, I hope you will find healing. Lots of love

[@gigi9301]

I'll tell you why! So that he can depend on you in his old age!! I was his last-ditch effort, after he had called 911 on all his caregivers, ignored his friends and all other family members, signed himself out of the hospital AMA...then got home and realized that there wasn't anyone else in the world to help him. Except me. I cleaned out his house, threw away all the porn, hateful anti-semantic memoribilia, found him a safe 24/7 nursing home. Now I just wish he would rest in peace. Forever.

[@LA-tz8zr]

When confronting my dad on how he treated me growing up, he basically said, "I don't get it. Did I HIT you?". Basically invalidating all the emotional and mental trauma I went through on the basis of not having physically hurt me (he did, however, physically hurt my mother). This video is helping me understand the relationship from a more academic lens. Much appreciated.

[@corypowercat7277]

When I confronted my dad he merely said "you'll get your wish" whatever that means.

[@skittles7306]

I remember praying he would hit me because it would hurt less. Sickening.....

[@chigirllchigirll]

That’s was my dad favorite line “ I don’t get it “ ya cause u f ing dumb

[@evat514]

Or mine, “it sounds like you’re living in the past - in a victim mentality.”

[@retrorenegade1967]

To the older generations, abuse means beating or r*pe. Everything else doesn't exist to them and is something invented by the "weak, over sensitive" younger generations.

[@lofotguri]

I’m 47. I don’t understand why my father always hated me😭. I have fellt wrong since I was born. My mother is the enabler. I feel like I lost her, because of he talks lies/bad about me to her. She is loyal to him even he is treating her like shit. I’m hurting inside when seeing/listening to him blame her for everything. I defend her, but she never defends me when I’m attacked. She keeps quiet watching me get emotionally abused. My brother is the Golden child. Also enabler. I have decided to distance myself to them, in order to protect myself, as I get mentally and physically sick of the toxic dynamic in the family. Now they hate me even more. My alarm system is blinking red. I also attract only narcissistic men, so I have chosen to live alone for the rest of my life. Peace to all of you that struggles.

[@agotahorvath]

Energy healing helps ! Take your power back , clear all their negative energies and issues they dumped on you . Tap into your essence , which is love .

[@Lynda812]

You can and will heal… I used to think the same until I found myself and started loving and appreciate myself. I met an angel… I will always have a deep protective mechanism but I’m 98% better and that much happier. Don’t give up, don’t despair. Please love yourself, then others will love you. If you don’t, how can anyone else?

[@rosellesinangote1597]

God is with u

[@river1304]

Same

[@missj2045]

I'm an only child. My father was indifferent to me unless I was taking my mom's attention away from him. Then he was verbally and physically abusive. My mom is an enabler. She did everything to keep him calm and quiet. I was the bad and wicked child because I'd call out my father's abusive behaviors. I'm the scapegoat child and still gaslighted if I highlight the toxicity of other family members. I married a narcissist, but we are now divorced. I have no idea how to attract a healthy male, so I've given up on romantic relationships.

[@valerieriggins3184]

They Basically Prepare You To LOVE 🥰 YOUR SELF! BUT That's Left Up To You Whether You Want Healings. Because Narc Parents Can't Give What They Wasn't Given

[@kittenmittons1968]

You literally spoke my mind. Like he explains in this video and many of the comments...you have to accept that there is nothing inherently wrong with you. It was/is the narc parent. Solely. Narcissistic abuse victims can gain so much from that realization and constantly reminding themselves on a daily basis. It's a form of positive and mindful thinking, it takes months or even years but if you constantly keep that in mind...I promise it helps so much. And it becomes a habit, I'm a 36 yo mother who parents my child in the exact opposite way my narc parent did. And, only recently have I started to force myself to use that technique and way of thinking...and I have never felt more powerful, smart, capable and beautiful exactly the way I am. Protect that vulnerable inner child that you'll always have inside and be your own advocate.....And I'll always make sure my own child feels the same. Break the cycle, beginning with you. 💓I hope this long winded essay helps in some way. Hugs.

[@adimeter]

@@kittenmittons1968 This WONDERFUL essay has struck huge note with me. These videos are working, and I have a therapist. Yes your advice works. believe it ppl. Don't be afraid. Don't shy away. I see so much hesitancy in ppl when I try to tell them that there is definitely help--right here on this KZbin platform. It is gradual and it is sweet. Be brave enough to try to heal. You will be surprised.

[@user-vt9kd4no8j]

Yes, it’s the same for me… never had a healthy relationship with a partner, so It’s me and my pets… so sad 😞

[@kittenmittons1968]

@@adimeter Thank you💓

[@peacefulliving6432]

I was invisible to my father. Unless he was tearing me down. I never could do anything right in his eyes. Even though I was a good kid and never got in any troubles. Walked on egg shells daily when I lived with my parents. As a teen, If I seen my dad I would walk the other way. My sister is the golden child.

[@nicselectronics81]

Same

[@tinytoot12]

My dad wouldn’t acknowledge or speak to me outside of surface level Cinci in passing at home. That is unless we were about to go in public e together…some of my most painful memories are from the passive insults he’d give me RIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT, about my appearance. His go-to was to peak his head in my room after I was dressed and ready and give this wide eyed look of shock and disgust and say “uhhh…you’re wearing that?” And it didn’t matter at all what I’d say to that bedside his response was ALWAYS the same thing….immediately defensive and aloof “I was just wondering! Wear whatever you want”. I now realize he wanted ti make sure i wasn’t devaluing him, me being an extension of himself,in the eye of strangers in public

[@equalityforall5620]

I agree with what you said. I think my older sister and I were perfect children - always quiet, clean, obedient, never ran away from them , never gave them a hard time. We basically, just "shut up" as we were told to. Children of narcissists can try forever, they'll never be good enough. And narcissists never give a sh*t about their children. It's a no-win siruation for the kids.

[@briarts]

This is a very good description. My father was indifferent/neglectful until I was about 12, then he turned very controlling.

[@adimeter]

Humph. My father was fun and ignorant to my needs. Then at 11 he became controlling and mean. All along my mother was the covert narcissist. My dad must have been codependent.

[@adimeter]

Me too. I guess we were 'of age' by 12, and they didn't want any pregnancies. IDK what the reasoning was behind that age timeline. All the 74 yrs, I thought it was just me. Thanks for sharing.

[@vialwilps9782]

why this is so common and kind of global, me at 13.

[@DesiraeAdamsChild]

Wow it happened to me as well he pulled me from my stable home of 12 years he got clean from drugs, and controlled everything in my life, when he couldn't he sent me to lock up terrible teenage years but don't control me no more..

[@amandafariasfrancisco5496]

Omg. This.

[@bhavyaprem2446]

Things my narcisstic father did to me as a child: 1) Shouted at me constantly 2) beat me up because I was too shy to say hi to a relative who visited us 3) tore my certificates because I didnt feel like flauting it to my relatives 4) threatened to stop my education if I didnt choose to be a doctor or an engineer 5) humiliated me everytime in front of my cousins 6) if I was late from university, I was beaten up 7) told me constantly I am useless without him 8) criticised me for my looks although I participated in beauty competitions and won. Things my dad did to me as an adult: 1) did not attend my wedding 2) never met my son 3) while I was pregnant told me my husband will leave me and my unborn child and ill be helpless and he wouldn't help me 4)demanded me to support him financially and when I declined after supporting him for almost a year because I was on my maternity leave and couldn't afford to spend 1000s of dollars on his luxurious lifestyle, blocked me from talking to my mother 5) bad mouthed me even when I supported him The list goes on and on

[@channy-0]

girl you are beautiful, you deserve better, we deserve better. i can relate, it's awful. i pray you are happy and with peace in life

[@lee48lee68]

Have you considered therapy? The best investment you can make is in your mental health and wellbeing. ☮️

[@izawaniek2568]

Narcisistic parents damage and destroy their children’s lives! What an ultimate horror a child can be a part of! I know it too well…

[@s9ftie]

8:50 That part stunned me. Growing up my dad criticized me and my mom for a lot of things even when he was the problem. He constantly yells at me and criticizes me, I can’t think of a day where he hasn’t yelled at me for anything. I’ve learned how to stand up for myself and protect myself from him since I was around 10 years old. I’m not about to let some 47 year old man disrespect me when I haven’t done anything wrong. My mom apologized for him, saying how he’s had a rough day or something. She always sides with him because she knows what he’s like. She knows there’s no point in arguing. And then call me a brat, a pig, stupid, and ungrateful when I call my dad out. For example, a couple days ago I went to Target with my mom. We were shopping together and finally getting a long. No arguing no nothing. He calls my mom and starts criticizing us and yelling at us for absolutely no reason. When we left target my mom looked at me and told me not to say anything. Not a word, not a sound. Nothing. Because she knew I’m done dealing with my dads bs. She said to do it so we don’t have to argue so we can just live in peace. I told her again that she shouldn’t let my dad talk to her that way but she’s always saying HES JUST LIKE THAT. I can’t take it anymore. I knew there was something wrong once my sister (actually my cousin but I see her as a sister) mentioned how she was too scared to stand up to my dad because of how she’s seen him yell at me for anything. He’s a monster in my eyes.

[@zaylinstar8883]

Omgsh your mom is GROOMING YOU to be the family scapegoat. She is literally saying SACRIFICE YOUR INNER PEACE, SENSE OF SELF, AUTONOMY, and HUMANITY/SOUL SO SHE doesn’t have to have the abuse come HER way. If she doesn’t let him talk to HER that way, then you being the scapegoat gets her off the hook bc she’s too weak to protect her daughter.

[@zaylinstar8883]

Lol also your story is kinda similar I started to laugh when you said how you were 10 years old, and wasn’t going to let some 47 year old man disrespect you for no damn reason, bc I am the youngest now that my little brother passed, and when I was 10 I would cut at my dads through with truth and his disdain for me would grow every time. My older brother and sister would try and get me to behave bc “my dad tried his best” and for the longest I took it. For the “peace” as long as me and my brother was around they would have peace bc they were stealing ours. And throwing their sins into us. They are all toxic codependents.

[@mimi0674]

omg the whole story İ understand, its the same in our family. He always gets angry or criticizes for no damn reason. He alwys has something to say for example about the food, something i havent finished yet. And constantly brainwashing me and my mom as if we are the problem. He even tries to brainwash my little siblings and says stuff like your mom an sister are the wrongdoers etc but its him

[@williamehrbright3625]

My mom would say the same thing about my dad. "Oh that's just Tom. That's just the way he is" Based off of what you said about your sister, it sounds like you're the scapegoat as well. I was too. The only one who was willing to stand up to him on occasion. Not sure if it was worth it or not. I just know it's not in my character to allow bullies to just be bullies. Sorry you had to go to that. Hopefully you're on the path towards understanding and Wellness

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

Your mom is codependent.

[@rosariccardo3529]

I realised that my father was a monster while still a child. I didn't realise the effect his bad behaviour would have on me until I was an adult. He maltreated all of us, but the others didn't seem to understand or to see the patterns and blamed themselves. Because I saw the patterns I thought I was safe. I even cut off contact with him when I turned 18. He damaged virtually every family relationship in revenge. I'm still working on overcoming what he did to me and I'm in my mid-50s.

[@kitsmith693]

Narcissists & the enablers will bully girls, when there are sons there are double standards for life

[@rockstarofredondo]

That’s certainly how it was in my family and from what I can tell, my extended family as well. Super weirdness.

[@justinephillipson8505]

This video perfectly describes my family dynamic; and perfectly described the troubles i struggled with in early adulthood. The best decision i ever made was to get into therapy and to remove my toxic father from my life. But even when you remove the narcissist from your life, they still find a way to make it known that they dont approve of you.

[@ladybird491]

My narcissist father was so toxic that even people that knew him would give me a sad look when I mentioned his name. He was a drama who tried to order everyone around who was in his life. He did evil things to hurt us, just cause he was bitter that my mother left him.

[@laurenmorgan7320]

Same here! I quit telling ppl who my dad was after the last guy said this, "What is that man's problem? He has severe issues with women!"

[@truthh8597]

Maybe that’s exactly why she left him

[@PBVader]

@@truthh8597 maybe you never asked him, and relied on other people's "stories".

[@fashionandluxury101]

Sounds like my dad. I severed our relationship. I feel free

[@melindasmith3713]

Mine wouldn't allow leaving. I suffer today

[@MsBlonde0000]

You have described my entire family's dynamic. I'm a grown woman today but for the past two years a lot of my childhood trauma seems to be resurfacing and i don't know why. Lockdowns cut me off from my usual outlets so maybe that's why. I feel a lot if anger, resentment, sadness and alk these feeling are raw, I have no idea why. Thought i was over it.

[@siyah4436]

You defined my father perfectly 😭😭😭

[@SallyLovejoy]

I always knew my Mum had narcissistic tendencies, and after she died 2 years ago, I realised my Dad was even worse. Because I'm single and my sons are married with families of their own, he wrongly assumed I would take over as his companion, chef and cleaner. He's been dead a year now. I'm not grieving at all. I feel like I've been in a Cult. I have never felt so free or happy in my life. I'm retired now and enjoying spending time with my kids and grandkids. Everyone has noticed how calm and "together" I am.

[@sw-nk6sf]

Glad I saw this. Has been considering getting a house with Narc dad to take care of him in retirement. He is a Pos. Mocked back handing my face twice a few days ago when I said something he didn't like. Took my truck out without my consent and drove it dangerously and smashed through a pot hole. I can see him revving up again. I ignored him for almost a decade

[@melindasmith3713]

Enjoy peace

[@melindasmith3713]

@@sw-nk6sf you don't owe him

[@jazminsmith6246]

My dad was so awful to try and manage as a young child he would go so far to put my life I. Serious danger and just watch me suffer, no sympathy no being keep safe. Being upset or scared wasn't allowed. He would ruin my entire childhood until I could get away from him. I am an adult and have blocked out most of my childhood, it was recently triggered and it sent me into a physical and mental breakdown and rage. I was vomiting and hysterical. I am waiting for him to finally die. He has done so much damage and does not care one bit. The most toxic person ever and I suffered the most. I am so ashamed to be related to him. Its hard to deal with all the rage that passes through me if I think about it. I'm getting professional help so it does not completely destroy me. And he honestly thinks he is better than other parents and looks down on everyone else. More damage than anyone would know unless they have been through it. I use to be scared for my life in his care, and couldn't get away.

[@ksize3147]

Would love to see a talk on covert narcissistic father/ daughter relationship with special regards to parental alienation. Lifelong effects.....

[@dianeibsen5994]

Me too!

[@kaycraven9306]

I'm 1 out of 5 Step sister dead od on herion Younger sister living at home planning a trip to spain. Hasnt told him because she has to show the whole plan and her ability before hand. And the youngest 20 Doesnt believe in love. My 2 other siblings a brother and a sister refuse to talk to him. My mother says I was the oldest so I was exposed to him the most so my tolerance for bullshit is way to high Getting out of a relation with a covert narcissist and recognizing the root. Despite people telling me for years. This is bad Karen he's bad.

[@dianeibsen5994]

Tough stuff we are working thru.

[@RinAsami1]

This is exactly what I experienced growing up. My brother was the favorite and I was the one punished when I did the same things my brother did, even though I was the older one. Most the time I was ignored by my father unless I was getting verbally abused. My brother got all the attention and money and go away with so much bad stuff. I was thrown out of the house while I was working and going to college because I stayed at my boyfriend's house. My brother on the other hand had a few girlfriends live with him in my parent's house and in the same room and that was just fine. Double standards and a lifetime of trying to get reassurance and validation throughout my life. My mother was an enabler too which made it so much worse.

[@fashionandluxury101]

Sorry darling

[@user-wl4xm8mi6k]

All of this. Raised by a Narc Father and Enabler mother. Dad only cared about himself. He had a short temper, was abusive in many ways but don't worry, he was front row at every concert/recital/whatever. Everything was my mother's fault (he physically, emotionally and psychologically abused her) and when we defended her, we got hit/smacked/abused. Her mantra growing up should've been "just do it. you know how your father is." All of us kids are adults now (and have been for decades) and she STILL says that!

[@giseltaver9565]

My dad has always been very controlling. He never let my mom work or drive, he didn't want me to drive either but I did anyway. He is 71 years old today and he's gotten worse. He wants to be the boss of every one but at the same time be babied. He is an expert in reading people and sensitive to people's tone of voice. I think that this has to do with him being abused as a child and him having to read his father, or else he would get beaten.

[@jewelb9433]

He sounds exactly like my dad.

[@mj-rg9kp]

A narcissistic father will take someone’s advice, ignore the context and use it to fully justify himself. There was a psychologist on the radio that he frequently listened to and she supposedly said “ you’re not doing your job as a parent if your kids don’t hate you” or something to that effect and he repeated it to us and how it’s proof he’s a great dad. In reality, we hated him bc of his abusive actions, including physical threats and how he destroyed our rooms whenever he was angry and how he would try to embarrass us and taunt us in front of strangers and friends and you were never allowed to defend yourself against him bc he was physically stronger and would force you into submission. Being girls, we were absolutely terrified of him. But he still managed to convince himself he was a good dad despite laying on the couch 24/7, and never being a decent provider or support or anything for that matter aside of being abusive. I just feel so blessed he’s out of my life for good.

[@khalilblac5327]

I met a guy that I'm almost positive was a narcissist his relationship with his daughter was very strange to me he talked about her in a sexual way he said unappropriate things that he should not have said almost as if he was looking at her as a partner instead of a daughter I got out of that situation immediately some of them need to be watched around children thank you for the video👍👍👍

[@rockstarofredondo]

Ewww

[@girl-iq4ef]

it’s interesting you say that he looked at her as a partner and not a daughter because i’m a 21 year old woman and i live with my narc dad and step mom, and i tell my fiancé about the abusive and ugly things my dad says and how he treats me and my fiancé told me it sounds to him like he’s talking to me the way an abusive husband would talk to his wife, not the way a dad would speak to his daughter. maybe it’s because some men just don’t see women as people and even when they have daughters that idea carries on. sad.

[@destinymariegomez8476]

I’m positive I dated a narcissist as well and I had a similar experience. He has 3 children but he favored the youngest daughter in particular. He would talk about her similarly. He would always bring up something sexual around them which I wouldn’t play into. She admitted to me she watched us be intimate through a crack in the door I didn’t know was open and when I brought this up to him because I thought it was weird he was completely okay with it. I left him right after.

[@debmccafferty1007]

@@destinymariegomez8476 Some like really taboo stuff.

[@kaebigemz2177]

You have just described my life. I'm a 38 year old woman with 2 children of my own and still feel like this. Thankyou for this video. 🙌

[@anomnom3144]

Thank you so much! I grew up with a such father. I understood when I was very little that something was wrong but only in my 30's it really dawned upon me how bad things had been. Almost everything here resonated with me. Thank you for speaking about this important topic!

[@TheSepia1]

My narcissist father was indifferent to me. I'm his 1st born. My father had another child, a son. ( Not with my mother ) My father was happy to raise his son. I however was basically ignored by my father. Both my mother and father are narcissists.

[@realhealing7802]

Same here! It is a very painful situation to survive. I finally had enough and went no contact with my entire toxic family.

[@ladybird491]

I recently realized mine were to, I just couldn't explain what happened and why they did what they did to me.

[@ladybird491]

@@realhealing7802 I am actually planning to within a year after I make some important moves. I can't take it anymore. I fear a full out violent fight is going to happen cause I am sick and tired of their abuse.

[@adimeter]

@@ladybird491 I hope you can get out before that happens.

[@jdmarr2259]

This is why I respect the field of psychology so much. I thought my, (now late), father's personality was unique. On one hand, he was the iron fisted authoritarian of the family & on the other, was very charismatic &, (I thought), insightful & wise. I've come to realize, in retrospect, that he was a real psycho. There's a saying about all the damage one person can do in their lifetime & he left a wide damage path in his wake. I love my dad - but, I don't miss him. Thank you for this video share.

[@izolde59]

SPOT ON!!!!!!! I will add one thing always trying to be worthy of his love!! I often wondered at my age, early sixties, why I never had a relationship with anyone! I have a sister and a brother who are also narcissistic too! I always look for someone to validate me!

[@12cottaadr]

I still feel guilty for talking about the things I like, and I've made sure my father has not been a part of my life for the past ten years. When I was a kid, I wasn't allowed to talk when my sister, the "golden child", was there because my father thought what I said was boring. He said he was protecting my sister from me. He also told me quite often that if I talk about what I like then I'll annoy my friends and they would all leave me. Even though I understand now that it's okay for me to like different things and to share my thoughts with others, often I still feel guilty for doing so. So it's still hard to make friends and develop any close relationships because I'm still scared that if they get to know me and what I like that I'll just annoy them and they'll end up hating me for being different.

[@lynngemmel7842]

I have lived this. It can be devastating and damage the daughter emotionally for decades. There is no use in addressing it as it will only make things worse. Boundaries are a must.

[@ladybird491]

Wow! everything you said is what my narc parent and husband and family is like. They set very high expectations of everyone in the family even the kids, and if you don't meet their expectations you will be mistreated and your existence denied. My choices were and are always the wrong ones. I spent years second guessing myself...etc and I never could have boundaries. They are constantly in my business and criticizing. My parents are gone now and I wonder if I would of made it another year dealing with them.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for sharing. I hope you’re in a better place today

[@priyasindhu5734]

Amazed, I was able to relate to every statement. My father doesn’t even support me in my education and my career. It’s difficult because I have to deal with everything financially by myself. And yes whenever I take my stand I am ungrateful and a bad person. It hurts

[@aninelaehr1015]

This is my father and I. I’ve been standing up for myself since I was a teen. He’s slandered me terribly. Looks at me with hate. Has turned my whole family against me. But I know different, and this is so very helpful in understanding with more clarity

[@Amy-mq7hu]

Thank you so much for all your content. This video in particular is what my 11 yr old is experiencing. She’s come to see her dad for what he is and has been standing up to him which has resulted in her being told she is awful, not loved by him, brainwashed, etc. she’s experiencing major increase in her depression and anxiety. I’ve exhausted all resources to help her but it’s still not enough. These people are so evil. They are relentless in their psychological warfare. I was tormented by him in our marriage and have been paying the price for divorcing him. Our 3 children are paying the biggest price and it’s heartbreaking that they cannot be protected by the courts from their father.

[@lifeofisabelleh]

all these plus the fact that the older i got, the less i was allowed to leave the house unless it was for school or sports. and god forbid you had a bad report card or a bad game, then everyone in the house had a bad week and i was the blame no matter what. not my father for being abusive and overreacting, but me for “causing him to be that way” fun fact: it is not a child and MINOR’s responsibility for an adults actions and reactions. almost 2 years of therapy now and i am finally starting to feel the healing in my nervous system

[@alisonnowak8289]

This was so validating to see. I’ve always felt these things or loved and seen all this. I thought I was crazy. I felt like no one saw it. I constantly felt like a failure especially to my brother. After my mom passed it was revealed even more. I got help to see what damage was done and what I can do now, to set my boundaries. It’s so sad how this effects not just your childhood but greatly impacts how you are as an adult.

[@alexr.3504]

Absolutely every part of this, including the outcomes and how the daughter might treat a man who is good to her fit my experience so well I teared up. My husband pursued me with great love and compassion, and he trusts me and doesn’t question, judge, or criticize me all the time…When we dated, I had a lot of anxiety and some panic attacks because I was always waiting for the backhanded “compliment,” the criticism, etc., but they never came.

[@lesliedefilippis2150]

You have nailed this 100%. Thank you much for what you do for people.

[@jrb4347]

When I became a young attractive woman my father was suddenly always by my side - I was delighted I finally had a father or so I thought. He never was interested in myself or my brother before but after awhile what felt like attention, pride and protection after many years in my 20’s into my 30’s I realised was him blocking relationships from me until …. I met a professional football player and he lit up … what I found out was this guy shot his pregnant gf!! I was obviously horrified and didn’t go out with him and my father was in a panic so upset. Just go out with him give him a chance … I guess it was never protection all those years hoovering over me in pubs. He actually thought I should go out with this guy who shot his pregnant girlfriend!!

[@emmajane646]

My dad couldn't care less what low life scum I went out with as long as they liked him, that was all that mattered

[@droolingpine9658]

Lucky you, mine used to take me to restaurants and tell the staff that I was his date! And get mad when I told them i was his daughter!

[@jrb4347]

@@droolingpine9658 yeah he did that too and always be seated with him at functions like I was his date my family even wanted me to sit in with him on a spouse photo

[@kheleecebrown1799]

Exactly l can relate l always find a way to distance myself from him.

[@julesj5853]

My niece is a victim of this. We had a good relationship up until this June after she graduated high-school and then crickets and when it was unusual, I jokingly texted her saying that I was concerned and wondering if I should call the authorities to do a welfare check on her (mostly because I knew if her dad saw it, he would respond) and sure enough her dad texted me back with a derogatory statements and he refuses to let me talk to her! She's 18! He was okay when she was young but suddenly he's been controlling her relationships? My whole family has been torn apart from this guy!

[@juliaf7068]

I see alot of recognisable characteristics in what you have explained in the video. Thank you for this video, and what a lovely piece to end with. I have just done therapy. I didnt realise I needed it until my relationship with my family got that bad the older weve become. If only I realised what was happening 20 or even 30 years ago I feel I may have had a different outcome, sad to only realise this in my 50s

[@adimeter]

No, no. It's wonderful to realize this good feeling, no matter how long it took you to get the understanding. From here on you are getting free. Keep going to feel better and better.

[@juliaf7068]

@@adimeter thank you for your lovely reply 😊

[@torio3o8]

My father was physically and emotionally abusive my whole life, I thought it was normal just until 3 years ago at the age of 34. This is when I had my own child, it’s only since having her that I’ve come to realise what he is. I’ve spent my whole life believing because I answered back and shouted then I deserved what I got. He started fights over nothing when I was pregnant. He fell out with me just before my due date, then they called to my house whilst I was in labour. I sat and had a cup of tea “passing myself” while he was standoffish and dry. I haven’t visited them in weeks and considering no contact as I want to heal and I find it hard to put up a front anymore knowing what he is.

[@chrisbcakes4949]

Wow. How long have you been following me? This is terrifyingly accurate.

[@chlorinelori1064]

I never had goals, I just lived to not be near him and be as small and invisible as possible.

[@petrapewpew]

My dad was my first bully, but he also wanted/still wants me to be his biggest cheerleader. I have so much resentment and disdain for him these days. I've always wondered what it would have been like to have a dad who actually championed me for what I wanted to do and accomplish rather than belittle me when my goals don't align with his.

[@Wendypansingl]

I was married for 15 years, together 18 and was an abler for my husband. Always explaining him, his awful behavior to others snd our kids. I fled a year ago with our girls as he was even physically abusive and drinking …… he isolated us. We were moving yearly. …. My three daughters ( 10,13,16) have very low self esteem, anxiety, depression….. my oldest was a scapegoat and her dad over shared with her and was shaming her when she entered the puberty…he was physically abusing her… my middle child was suicidal after the social services were called by the school…. self harm was a usual daily routine….. I didn’t see until one day my friend told me my husband was insecure…. I always believed his story - him being an alpha male….. and that one word made me see!!!! I was so stupid! How come I did not see? How can I help my girls?!?!! They do not have contact with their father anymore….

[@tinytoot12]

i never realized how wrong it was how indifferent my dad was to me. Once i did, I spent years convincing myself that he just didn’t care because we simply had different interests. In my mind, I had already excused, AND fully rationalized his disinterest in me, his own daughter.

[@Canaday291]

This sounds exactly like the relationship of the malignant narcissist alcoholic I divorced with not only my daughter but my sons as well. Indifference , neglect, and no support , not advocating or looking out for their best interests or having their backs. strings attached conditional involvement in their lives yet coercively controlling, bullying, berating, invalidating, belittling . Now he has managed to alienate my children from me through his counter parenting , sabotaging, maligning, triangulating, and smear campaigning tactics .

[@ST30809]

My father hated me. Jealous of anything I did. Never went to anything I did like concerts or anything special but would somehow know enough to criticize my performance. He never had any use for me. “Reactive Abuse” was his middle name.

[@dnk4559]

Thank you for this video! I was 12 when my Dad blamed me for his second wife leaving him. He has been divorced 5 times.

[@izawaniek2568]

We deserve better! Thank you Darren. God bless you❤

[@kittenmittons1968]

Although I'm only 5 mere seconds into this video, I immediately subbed. I'm a daughter to a very narcissistic father. And that accent and affect doesn't help! My father was always possessive and has never approved of any of my partners, even if they were absolutely fantastic. I had a 930 curfew after I moved back in at 20. I joined the military and served 8 years immediately moving back in. My father would brag to high heavens while I was away, yet never picked up the phone more than twice in those 8 years. Not even after my marriage and delivery of my child. Once I decided to separate Honorably i moved back home. My first Thanksgiving with my family after nearly a decade, I was told at the last minute I was not welcome to go because my father didn't approve of me getting out of the military. Even though I haven't spoken to him in years, he still tells others I am basically a crackhead prostitute. Absolutely baseless, as I don't do drugs or prostitute myself.... completely baseless. He beats my mother and doesn't allow her to leave the house, or communicate with me. It's incredibly confusing, especially now that I'm a parent myself. It never ends with him. I've recently realized I am amazing and he's the one in the absolute wrong. There is nothing wrong with me. At all.

[@ipayanmatos]

Thank you for sharing this. I was able to resonate on every single point you brought up. Recovering everyday!

[@phabulous1614]

When I heard him expressed : “indifference, apathetic, could care less attitude, etc. Then if the family is out and about and he’s all smiles as if to say: “see look at me, I have this great family, it’s all about me.” This was my father. Wow, what a jerk behavior. I don’t like him nor his wife, my mother.

[@jamigaither]

Oh, great!! This is the video I requested recently!! So glad to find you've already done it!

[@jamigaither]

And, wow, did you nail it. Thank you. This really helps. Blessed be, Darren.

[@catalinafirefly4685]

I was the stable, professional parent with a jealous narc partner. Many years later after my daughters were grown i found out dear old dad was telling them to never be like their mom. Finally i figured out why they never wanted to follow in my footsteps. Now they struggle to support themselves, never wanting to get higher educations. Thank you!

[@christines6777]

Thank you Darren. This is eye opening and very helpful. I can't wait to move out of this narcissistic household.

[@SecuritySpirit]

This is my story in a nutshell. I’m still trying to just get through life. I won’t give up. My parents just brought me here.

[@rebeccamerder6689]

My father (adopted) terrified me and used emotional control and physical discipline growing up. I moved out when I was 17 and chose a different life, he of course called the police who informed him I had the right to move out at 17. Now I am 47 and he still tries to control and actually blames me, most recently, for the turbulence of my mother and his marriage. (my mother passed away last year from dimentia and I have no doubt he drive her to insanity) Needless to say we haven't spoken since. I am so over it.

[@juliemurphy9412]

My dad has been like this for my whole life. He is much more loving towards my little brother and is always talking about how proud he is of him. Yet, he always lets me know how disappointed in me he is because I "didn't marry the right man", I don't go to church anymore, and I "don't have a real career". Like you mentioned, he used to also make fun of my appearance too. I hardly contact him anymore and pretty soon, it will be no contact.

[@barbc7211]

Thank you very much. Very comprehensive and appreciated by me !!

[@vero180]

At the age of 24 I had the chance to choose between a narcissistic and an empathetic, caring man. I chose the narcissist. I did that not of free will but almost subconsciously. Looking back I think I was somehow drawn to a pattern I knew and that I somehow had to repeat. I was BLIND to the fact that my boyfriend was behaving like my father! And my father did not like my boyfriend because of his bad behavior, absolutely BLIND to the fact that he was doing it himself. So was my co-dependent mother. And what is so tragic about this: I COULD absolutely not accept, not cherish being treated so lovingly by this other man. This whole dynamic is almost like a magic curse...

[@shereeholland172]

Unfortunately this type of parental relationship sets the scene for future interpersonal relationships with emotionally unavailable individuals .....

[@Pirateem11]

Maybe I should just send my dad this video and he would wake up a bit to see how his illness and behavior have deeply and negatively impacted my life

[@truthexposed839]

They don’t care! Even in death they don’t care!

[@shabanadawood6156]

They don't accept that there's something wrong with them!

[@dnk4559]

Wish this would work but I’m finally realizing that as my Dad’s scapegoat it won’t matter how much I try to explain these dynamics. He has no ability to self reflect and has taught my siblings how to treat me. None of them are willing to look at themselves and instead project their unhealthy behaviors onto me.

[@claudiacardinelli1867]

Emily T Or - you can send him the video knowing this is truth. Then watch his reaction to dismiss this, and You. Now you have permission and the validation you need to write this guy out of your life. Maybe go no contact. Forget expecting an inheritance. You weren't really going to get one. Don'tcha know...

[@rockstarofredondo]

Doubt.jpg

[@chickenlittle4014]

This video is amazing, perfectly worded

[@anak5183]

Your videos have been very helpful to me. Thank you...

[@SolaGratia.]

Ouch. 😔💔 You know.. I share your content on my channel lately and I've gotten feedback that they'll watch it when they can, because just the subject matter is so triggering. I clicked on this video not expecting to end up in tears halfway through, but I have to thank you for sharing your knowledge with us. This is so helpful.

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for your kind and honest feedback I'm glad you find them helpful

[@drfoye219]

Very well explained thank you for uploading, however I would be interested in hearing about covert narcissistic parents

[@DarrenFMagee]

Thank you for your kind feedback and suggestion

[@jeniferbaxter8547]

I would love to hear about that too- the vulnerable narc has triangulated with my oldest daughter. She thinks she is his best friend and has alienated herself from me and my extended family since I announced I was separating. She is the golden child and feels lots of pressure to please him.

[@Yraur]

@@jeniferbaxter8547 Thst happened to my classmates and we found out later he was molesting her, but she was scared to say anything.

[@truthh8597]

Ahh ten times worse.. the games are soo subtle.. and the no contact is impossible

[@isabeljacquesson4004]

Thank you so much, you opened my eyes , I felt as if your were talking about me ! You were very helpful , thank you so much

[@elikorn7418]

You got it right! A video on tips how to overcome the future difficulties like insecurities that resulted from having been raised by this type of father would be great. Thanks 😊

[@adimeter]

Yes. I too would've videos on overcoming those insecurities.

[@OGSweet-vm2ru]

Omc 😭 This is actually a perfect description of my mom. Are there any videos about dad being covert narcissist? I think that’s what it’s called. My dad knew my mom miss treated me a lot, and he wouldn’t do nothing about it. He never really cared about my interests unless it brought him some sort of popularity. He never defended me when someone harm me or teach me how. He only showed he Cared when it was about what his interests were, if other people were watching Or if you gain some thing from it. I kind of you to him as the better parent for a long time until I did therapy specific to this. Does anybody what I mean?

[@PoojaYadav-en7ww]

All throughout the video, i was breathing heavily as the curtain of unawareness fell down and i saw some light. I wanted to cry in the middle but couldn't. I was agreeing to each line that was spoken, but it was too painful to let that sink in. It was heavy. Thanks a lot for this video. Sending my gratitude and prayers. 🌼

[@debscornercanada]

As soon as i had a "boyfriend" he would completely back away to let him take "Care" of me, I was also taught to always be in a "couple" (as he could not exist without a "partner") still cant... was also told things like "You better hope you never loose your looks Debbie". If I was with a a 'Man" (any one) he would have them assume HIS role -once I was single again he would then "help" me (but make sure EVERYONE knew he did)...this explains ALOT!!

[@laurenmorgan7320]

Wtf so would my narc dad. He would kick me out whenever I had a boyfriend to let them "try to take care of me." It was so bizarre and abnormal. My dad acted like me and him were supposed to b together or something. Anytime I had a bf even at 30 years old he would yell that I "betrayed" him.

[@Prudence1733]

Mine was/is dismissive. Hardly ever in my life anything good to say to me. Negative. Most of my life only hey and bye. I’m 50 years old and he still feels entitled to control me. I’m not a scared intimidated little girl anymore. Divorcing, controlling narcissistic husband after a long 31 years and I’m not having it from anyone anymore.

[@crystalvanwijk]

Thanks, very precise and very accurate.

[@JusticeWarriorTV]

This was my relationship with my father to a T. You hit it right on the mail thank you ❤

[@melawieeinapfel8594]

I still suffer to this day. But I can cope with it much better than I used to. I don't try him to change anymore and I seek to be seen by him and allow others to see me.

[@sue4341]

I wasn't really allowed to have any boy friends..... I don't remember my dad ever coming to any of my school programs... Never supported me in anything.... He's what you call the know it all narcissist.... Super critical... Etc .. Yup I got married late in life and divorced 3 and a half year later... He turned out to be a covert narcissist.

[@hansmuller3516]

I'm in my 20s and we do have the same situation. But my dad shows up to my school when it is about an award I'm going to receive. I got a degree he chose me to take up, I don't have any choice but to take it up or he will get mad (just like my mom would say). Graduated with a diploma, and now I'm unemployed. I don't know what life path I should take in life and what job I do really wanted. Got jobs before that were not related to my degree but didn't last that much. Felt lost nowadays.

[@Samantha-oj6re]

Thank you for your posts! Are you able to do a Covert father - daughter video? Much appreciated 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[@joanklein6463]

I can't seem to find information on the type of relationship I had with my narcissist father. Up until I was 10, I loved and adored my father and he returned the same feelings. My parents did argue through out my childhood. He treated my mother like you are describing the father daughter relationship. My mother would strongly argue with him to no avail. He be littled her and she was a strong woman, but she did succumb eventually to his constant blows to her confidence and ego. He treated me like a perfect child, my brother who was younger and very close to my mother was treated like a threat for his entire childhood. When I turned 10, I started to realize how mean he was. I was sticking up for brother against him all the time. Then the tables turned and he started attacking me as well. We butted heads constantly until my mother decided that he had to go or someone would end up getting hurt. I was just turning 18 and leaving for college. I was happy he was kicked out. I tried to have a relationship with him at different points in my life and of course it was always a failure. I decided he had to be kicked out of my life. He was mean to my husband and constantly put him down. When I had my 1st child he said something derogatory about my son (to my husband) and he was only one years old. Well that did it, I only saw him twice after that. When he had a stroke, I felt I should visit him in the hospital (dumb decision) and when my brother was married. I was civil and talked with him, my boys had no idea who he was until I introduced him. I never talked about my Dad. If they asked, I just said he is not a good person to be around. Thank God he didnt put his false face and personality on for them. I'm surprised he didnt, trying to turn them away from me,would have been his normal way of doing things. I had never seen or talked to him again. I would get messages from him through my brother over the last 20 years. Things like, she will never forgive herself when I die. Or if she wants any of Grandma's money that he will inherit she better start coming to see me. My answer was always, not interested. He sent letters to both my sons just before he died. My adult married son received both of them because my dad wrote, I wouldn't give the letter to my teenage son if he sent it to my house. Both sons and daughter in law have read them, but they wont let me read it. I'm positive it was his last chance to get them to hate me, since I was told a few things. He also did himself in by going in to detail of his cheating sexual exploits while being married to my mother, which he is very proud of (my daughter in law told me this). I worked so hard to make sure my boys would never be exposed to his sick mind and he got me in the end. When he died, and now the only thing I ever feel is the sadness and loss of not having a normal father to have a relationship with.

[@Rosie82333]

I remember being a young girl and casually mentioning I wanted to be a lawyer to my father… I will never forget the look of disgust on his face when he looked me dead in the eye and told me I would NEVER do that…. It was so painful. He was always so scary…. Not only his personality but he was just a huge guy…he was the tall jock in high school…my mother was very tall and thin… like a model… when she started having his babies and gaining weight he made sure she knew about how unpleased he was with it…I don’t speak to him or any of his side of the family anymore because they stick up for him. They are all just a bunch of mean people. I guess I will just love him from afar.

[@mitaalqahtani]

So true! Thanks for this sharing!

[@DarrenFMagee]

You are so welcome!

[@divy-]

I can't describe how much it resonated with me 😢😢

[@catb445]

Exactly, ‘you deserve better’: healing involves recognizing one’s inherent self-worth and value as well as grieving losses from the abusive relationship. From what I have experienced, narcissistic abuse often involves a lot of triangulation and turning others against the victim. I was wondering if you have any insights on how this relates to parental alienation and how to help parent and children in these dynamics. It’s seen as something that occurs during divorce but I believe that it occurs in many family dynamics prior to divorce as well. Narcissistic people seem to have to control and have the upper hand in all of their relationships and so they can be covert in passive aggressive ways as well as overt ways of turning others against each other. They seem to create a lot of conflict and ‘drama’ but look innocent in the process! They are often manipulative con artists that play the victim, hero or martyr, its frustrating! Thank you for your videos and support💜🙏

[@debanjalirakshit4307]

This video spoke my heart!!! Damn!!!!

[@jamiestumps6146]

Wow, Thank you Kind Sir!

[@equalityforall5620]

I was raised with a narcissistic abusive father and a neglectful mother. I felt at a very young age that we were going to have to raise ourselves, quite a burden for a young child. My father always felt that girls could be smart, which was great, but he never thought smart girls would also be sexually attractive. He always said of my younger sister, who was the Golden Child, and not very bright, that she'll "Get a rich man. She'll marry a rich man." So I still to this day, think of attractive women as demure, passive and not very bright, I think I heard "You jerk" (father) and "You can't" (mother) every day of my life. I once confronted my mother with why she kept saying, "You can't." She almost cried and said she didn't want us to get our hopes up. She set such a low bar for us. She never trusted that going to college would result in a job. She just wanted me to work in the local factory (GE), get in the union, and get seniority. They never gave me a curfew or bothered about any boys I went out with. They never knew where these boys were taking me (to dinner or a movie, what movie), never asked about heir prospects, never invited them over to eat, never got to know them at all. My siblings and I fulfilled all the roles of children of narcissists - the Truthteller, The Scapegoat, the Parent Surrogate, the Golden Child. I have never trusted men in my life. I feel they just use you and cheat on you - and I must say I have plenty of evidence for this. I have never felt good being smart, even though I was trained to be smart. My younger, Golden Child, sister actually told me recently that she believes she got everything because she was actually better than the rest of us. she's also a Narcissist now. It's funny because she's never gotten a rich man, she's never gotten any man. She's actually never married. She puts all the men she's ever dated down because they're all stupid. She thinks she's the only smart one and dominated the conversation whenever we had a family gathering. She was the only one whose voice you'd ever hear droning on for hours. Giving her opinion about how stupid everyone else was and how capable and powerful she was. . I've since gone no contact with my siblings. My parents are deceased. What a messed up family. Two lessons I've learned from all this: 1) parents can't give you what they don't have themselves, 2) you can never really get away from a narcissistic family. It gets embedded in your bones. Thanks for letting me nload here.

[@Prudence1733]

“I deserve better.”

[@agbaya1000]

This is so accurate. WOW

[@moreengover6033]

Thank-you for this.