XFM The Ricky Gervais Xmas Show Series 2 Episode 18 - A Diddy Man Prostitute

The Ricky Gervais Show Broadcast 21st December 2002.
SHOW ARCHIVE INFO
Full track listing added below. Subtitles have now been added for the entire show. Pilkipedia archive added as well as links to all series.
ORIGINAL TRACKLIST
Eminem: Lose Yourself
Pretenders: 2000 Miles
Badly Drawn Boy: Donna and Blitzen
Athlete: You Got the Style
Goldrush: I Let You Down
Teenage Fanclub: Christmas Eve
Supergrass: "Seen the Light"
The Pogues feat. Kirsty McCall: Fairytale of New York
Feeder: Just The Way I'm Feeling
Mark Eitzel: Snowbird
John Lennon: Happy Xmas (War Is Over)
Joni Mitchell: River
FURTHER READING
Brilliant info about this show including extra trivia about the material in the shows, please support this website: www.pilkipedia....
THANKS!
Thanks for all your support, it's a privilege to be able to document these shows for other like-minded people to enjoy.
ALL THE SERIES...
SERIES 1
• All Of Series 1 The Ri...
SERIES 2
• All Of Series 2 The Ri...
SERIES 3
• All Of Series 3 The Ri...
SERIES 4
• All Of Series 4 The Ri...
RARITIES, SPECIALS & COMPILATIONS
• Rarities, Specials & C...

[@ManMoth]

Hey guys, sorry for pinning this comment on all videos but I want to give you an update on the channel. I've been slowly adding a show archive to the videos including a full transcript added as sub titles and a full track listing (with links to KZbin videos for each track). Pilkipedia archive link has been added as well and I've been having fun illustrating some of KP's best bits, I'm adding these to a shop incase anyone is interested: www.man-moth.com/ It's taking me a while to update the archives, especially as I don't work Mondays so please bear with me as I chip away at it. Lots of love, Man Moth.

[@kevinflemming1982]

Not all heroes wear capes.

[@L-Jamieson]

Why are you so awesome?

[@thecw3749]

These shows get me through my workday. Thank you so much for your time and effort. You're seriously awesome

[@WOOOPdoctorFROGhere]

Man woman moth. Woman moth tv

[@tommyholmes1986]

Steve’s line about “You don’t need to buy a passport. Isn’t that your god given right as an Englishman?” is a nice little prelude to him not being allowed to travel to the States about a year after this because his passport had expired.

[@randallwindle1004]

We’ve been listening to these for too long. Are we allowed socks yet

[@TheMayDog]

@@randallwindle1004 We need to wait for Grandpa to die first

[@rise_of_the_footsoldier]

Wonder if dickers listens back to them

[@WOOOPdoctorFROGhere]

finally someone in the comments section has written "prelude" rather than "foreshadowing". Everyone on KZbin is obsessed with that word. Am sick of it, it's a load of boswellox

[@rashhuman]

Ricky even says “10 years!”

[@lydiarodgers]

karl’s paper round age ranges from 11-15 depending on the week they asked him

[@RT-ks2zi]

He said 6 once

[@lydiarodgers]

@@RT-ks2zi please tell me you remember the ep because this is making me laugh so much. a paper round at 6

[@karlwilliams5921]

Literally only a few episodes ago he says 11 or 12 hahaha

[@re20bt]

“… oh and have a good Christmas” One of the great Karl moments

[@pleasemrchud7865]

I occasionally get caught off guard and marvel at how much time has passed since these shows were first recorded… but Steve having to spell eBay turns this episode into a time capsule

[@NyalBurns]

He keeps calling the internet ‘the web’. So old fashioned haha.

[@NatS3703]

Later on in the podcasts, Steve said his grandad passed away. I thought "but ron's going to be nice and warm this Christmas "

[@WollongongWacko]

Pudding Brain 😂😂😂

[@AnastasiaTasou]

i listen to these episodes every night, and they always help me when i'm feeling anxious. so pleased other people enjoy them as much as I do. as dramatic as it sounds I feel like they've got me through some awful times. they seem to get funnier with every listen. cheers man moth for uploading them!

[@WollongongWacko]

Anastasia Tasou Well said.

[@howie3774]

I'm a huge fan of your art and your store. I do the same and it's surreal to find you here

[@ejayman]

100%. These have been a part of my life for a over a decade now and always give me a sense of familiarity and comfort, even though Ricky is frequently unpleasant to the ears!

[@ariellarto6364]

I agree wholeheartedly, I have come back after having the pleasure of sharing this with new friends. Literally my comfort podcast when life is too much

[@JoshLuck95]

I agree

[@daniele551]

The silence after Karl asks “do you know Porthmadog?” is radio gold.

[@TheSpyIII]

"Oh, and have a good Christmas". Brilliant.

[@williamsmith666]

"What group is Banana Drama?? WHAT -- GROUP -- IS BANANA DRAMA???"

[@mickhyland9119]

@@williamsmith666 m9tm9vmyvvtv9vvvvnmttvvvvvvvmvvvmnmtbbmmmtmddcbdmm98tòòonmnn nn k ph hhhjkķjjjjjjjjjjjjbj

[@petalprecious]

"I love the fact you got an expert in and you insinuated she'd be having sex with Noah." The best part of that interview.

[@JoeRivermanSongwriter]

He's a good looking fella.

[@wrgaming9286]

@@JoeRivermanSongwriter so you're happy haha 😂

[@joeberryman3563]

While all the jellyfish watch.

[@tomoliver4632]

I don't why he stopped there and didn't go into positions or something

[@GooglyEyedJoe]

59:40 - "Foreigner...For Rainer." "I dunno what you mean." "Claire, Claire Rainer she took advice...she gave people advice...so that's Foreignaaar...Foor Raainner" "I ca...That is shit." I love how blunt Ricky says that's its hilarious it's like he's given up all faith in Karl xD

[@GooglyEyedJoe]

And at 1:00:08 that bits great.

[@loopular1]

Do you mean 'smashing pumpkins"?

[@cartmanofsp]

Thanks very much, nice bollocks!

[@Christophee1987]

I love the way Karl laughs when Ricky says it's shit, like even he realises it for once.

[@cartmanofsp]

Christophee1987 i think karl was laughing at how blunt he was as well

[@TheBusterMan]

'Smashing pumpkins,mum' hilarious.

[@ejayman]

Lovely plums

[@The_ZeroLine]

“Laughing at it and stamping on it!” (Laughing raucously) “alright” (sadly) LMAO

[@omikronweapon]

with a load of spit on it.!

[@Owen-wc1wr]

One of my favourite bits

[@TimonicFusion]

I love Ricky's Manchester accent. "Or-ee, what I were lookin' for Karl. Ay, bloody hell Karl, you little bald twat; that just what 'ar' wanted." "Ooh Karl, excellent, you paid me milk bill for this week! That were reek' nice!" Excellent.

[@YourOwnDa]

C.J Lightfoot reet nice*

[@TimonicFusion]

your dad Thanks Dad.

[@Big_Daddy2236]

youre handsome

[@pezushka]

Bit more Yorkshire I reckon

[@craigchristian1277]

Samuel Headley you’re muscly

[@riggenbachi]

"What do you mean, Banana Drama? Wha- No, wait, wait, wait. What group is Banana Drama?! WHAT GROUP is Banana Drama?!"

[@akayakayz]

Sort of cryptic and that ...

[@Maxbev14]

You're a fool. You're a... Twat.

[@Scallion_D]

So good. Iconic XFM moment!

[@greglynch391]

@@akayakayz Ah, that’s not CRYPTIIIIIIIICCCCCCCC - that’s SHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT

[@cartmanofsp]

You've paid me milk bill for this week. That were reet nice!

[@theouter_banks7260]

Poop .Stink "Eeeeee, bluudy 'ell Karl..."

[@GalacticAstroparticles]

I dont know why but thats one of the random phrases of this show thats stuck in my head for so long... Rodney you biiilsh!

[@johnhill2176]

Ya little bald twat...that's just what I wanted

[@markjackson6151]

@@GalacticAstroparticles yeah same! that and "arrrr, the boat be mine now"

[@BIGBADmouse1]

Chris Ricky’s Manchester accent almost always sounds more like a Yorkshire accent

[@cesarbravo822]

Whoever taped these deserves a medal

[@AA-hg5fk]

Karl was probably responsible for recording it initially.

[@feelthejoy]

Am I the only one who wonders what Dickers is up to these days?

[@WollongongWacko]

he has a twitter account

[@jessemiles2426]

and Johnny Mango and Paul "The Party Animal" Parker

[@xFoozle]

he wrote a book called uncle wizard or something

[@MonkeyMelissa3]

+WollongongWacko what's his @

[@WollongongWacko]

Melissa mobile.twitter.com/therealranders

[@jcrawley1]

Steve's not knowing about having to pay for a passport would come back to haunt him in a couple of months time. If he'd listened to Ricky's "10 years" quip, that embarrassing episode might not have happened!

[@markjackson6151]

Excellent observation

[@Owen-wc1wr]

One of my favourite Easter eggs in these shows

[@Scallion_D]

I'm staggered how someone can get to his age at the time and not know that lol.

[@petitmeowmeow]

@@Scallion_D I stayed on my mums passport until it was absolutely necessary for me to get my own, maybe he just always went on holiday with his parents and then never went abroad when he moved out lol

[@thepontiacbandit7874]

@@Scallion_D ‘When will i know all these things?’

[@chandlerdoodles]

Happy 20th anniversary to this episode, and happy holidays to all you sockless XFM listeners! :)

[@borismuller86]

Saucer drinkers represent!

[@AA-hg5fk]

What do you mean 'happy holidays'? We don't say that here in Britain! Americans, they do me 'ed in.

[@chandlerdoodles]

@@AA-hg5fk oo, you're hard.

[@aidentheboi1224]

Every few months I forget how funny these things are until I come back

[@erizzle67]

"Oh, and have a good Christmas."

[@C-R-l-M-S-O-N]

5:26 ricky: it always starts with "right, so then..." karl: "so..."

[@capnhawkins]

41:33 "I love the fact that you got an expert and you suggested that she's gonna be having sex with Noah." I burst

[@riggenbachi]

I know! SO embarassing, and hilarious.

[@CharlieSpencers]

E-Bman Me too. One of the funniest things I’ve heard on this show.

[@capnhawkins]

@Matt Voyer "yeah..."

[@MrHarryboyy]

James Humphrey ppppppppppp

[@MrHarryboyy]

James Humphrey ppppppppppppp

[@robgreen1818]

These shows were so rich with material, thank you Man Moth!

[@spider5600]

Well its the first of December as I write this sentence. Time to listen to the Christmas epsiodes as I have done every December 1st the last few years. Feliz Navidad everyone

[@lowercaseluke]

"she likes gnomes, fairies, indians"

[@hankhank2377]

''Oh and have a good Christmas''

[@trip83]

Imagine Karl cast as Ebeneezer Scrooge, with Ricky as the ghost of Christmas Present, shrieking with laughter and squeezing his head. It would brilliant.

[@kraken589]

Wow Ricky genuinely feels bad for Karl when his mom didn’t like his Christmas gift.

[@AA-hg5fk]

*mam

[@a_b897]

A surprising amount of laughter from Karl in this one! Always nice to hear if also a bit jarring!

[@jamestaylor1445]

2:12 Ricky's northern impression is so bad but so good

[@capnhawkins]

"And he got me this, isn't this SHIT?!" lmao

[@williamdavies3588]

Ricky going ‘that is SHIT’ to the cryptic clue foreigner and Karl laughing is my favourite part of the series. And then instantly followed up by Steve’s smashing pumkins

[@isaveu]

They really need to make a cartoon show of Karls childhood

[@ferise1]

+isaveu theres so much more they can get out of Karl too, there'd be plenty of material. He doesnt evolve, or change :)))

[@omikronweapon]

"and all of them spitting on the Victoria Plum and stamping on it and taking poloroids of them laughing at it saying it's bloody awful" "..alright.." XD I love it when one of them actually gets hurt a little bit and goes "..alright" or "..yeah"

[@a_b897]

59:49 "That is shit." 😂 How did they get away with this on radio??

[@SundayCovers69]

I've noticed the word shit has been let go quite a lot on radio, different to tv..

[@willsuttie3683]

Someone needs to complain, and the complaint meeds to be upheld. The show didn't get many live listeners, and XFM listeners wouldn't likely care enough that someone said 'shit' to go about writing letters.

[@33hegemon]

+Will Suttie Didn't get many listeners,? It had loads, at least 300 regular listeners.

[@christmasdonkey86]

I always wondered how they got away with it!? I love it. I love how little of a shit Ricky gave. Will needs to chill out ☝🏼

[@guitargit976]

He calls Karl a twat on a regular basis, like most things they wouldnt get away with it now.

[@alandodd3184]

love Ricky's manc accent.

[@bigman25plus25]

generic northern lol

[@ferise1]

Every time Steve goes "oh yeah" when Karls talkin, immediately he gets a big head and goes "uhhhhhhhm", really takes his time, completely unaware that they're feigning interest.

[@ThePontiacBandit911]

6:15 Teletext?! 😳 It just sounds so antiquated now. I sometimes forget how old these broadcasts are. I thought that disappeared in the early 90s. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@hankochai]

My heart broke a little hearing Karl’s Christmas train & Victoria Plum stories.

[@BillHartLankykats]

😂

[@justinkline8437]

"I don't know why you stopped there and didn't go into positions."

[@SundayCovers666]

foreshadowing of Steve's confusion about where passports come from :0

[@feelthejoy]

Plus £30 is cheap - I think they now cost at least $80 US

[@emilyj9497]

+Joy Woffindin I just renewed and it's $110 now...crazy expensive! 💸💸

[@ou7ofspace]

"I caa...that is shit" Rare Karl laugh at 59:52

[@feelthejoy]

Also at a little bit after 25 min

[@MrElephantBeach]

ou7ofspace He laughs quite a bit. He laughed when he said "the bug head one" as well. He's just not a loud laugher (nobody is compared to Ricky) and it isn't as noticeable when he isn't talking at the same time.

[@cityboyo1679]

Ricky’s impression of Susan’s dad is fucking brilliant.

[@studkickass513]

Karl has said he's done the paper round at ages 15, 14, 13, 12, and 11. So, yeah. I'd like to actually know. Seems like a good first gig.

[@Scallion_D]

His detail for his memories is awful!

[@lilme7052]

It used to be law you couldn't do a paper round til you were 13. What I find weird but actually not that surprising is he did his paper round at aged 14 say then watched Pink panther.

[@greglynch391]

Best job in the world

[@AA-hg5fk]

​@@lilme7052it still is the law in the UK. However, that doesn't mean it wasn't flouted in Manchester in the early 80s

[@lilme7052]

@AA-hg5fk Possibly but I'm sure he said it was when he was 14 otherwise why would I think it was weird?

[@jcrawley1]

Underrated episode this

[@AA-hg5fk]

i remember watching 'It'll be alright on the night' on the telly as a kid back in the 90s with my great grandmother who was born in 1910.

[@c.j.griffin]

Sounds like a wild night.

[@markwilliams7054]

...oh and merry christmas!

[@NatalieTallulah]

I vaguely remember those Victoria Plum dolls. Always wanted one. But just Googled it. Jesus.

[@djb_15]

arguing in the supermarket in the fruit and veg section, that was "Bananadrama" 😁 classic Pilkington

[@nueee8878]

I love steve affecting a limp because he's afraid of looking lazy to perfect strangers. Hahaha

[@TheHewhodareswins]

+Nu Eee Theres actually a scene from peep show which has that in about just going to the fist floor in a lift and affecting a limp

[@emilyj9497]

It reminds me of the IT Crowd episode when Roy uses the disabled toilet. He gets caught, ends up claiming he is "leg disabled," and finishes the night rolling around in a wheelchair! So funny!

[@LyingSecret]

I remember Roy at the end going onto a disabled minibus and the camp guy (complete with large moustache), being played by Ash Atalla (the guy who worked on stuff with Ricky and Steve, appeared on Ricky's politics show etc.), so it may well stem from the same source.

[@emilyj9497]

LyingSecret Oh really!? I didn't realise it was Ash! I'd like to think you're right and they borrowed ideas from each other! Either way, I better go watch all the episodes of IT Crowd again to make sure I haven't missed anything else!

[@LyingSecret]

Emily J Haha well as long as my largely pointless knowledge brings joy to someone :P Yeah just I recognised him because I'd watched the Politics standup DVD a number of times before I saw that episode, that and the brilliant awards thing where Ricky said something like "Ash wants people to know that he's up here because he's a writer on the programme, he's not won a competition" :D

[@Rickzenbackzer]

2:12 I love Ricky's "northerner" impression

[@WakeWorkRepeat]

59:48 makes me laugh so much, "that is SHIT".

[@NatalieTallulah]

"What are you? You're not anything." Always tickles me that line.

[@bpt9817]

“He’s a good looking bloke. So.. You’re happy”

[@SliceOfLife100]

"eeeeye, what I were lookin for"

[@JoeRivermanSongwriter]

Jellyfish ON the ark? Didn't anybody else see the flaw in this.

[@ianinkster2261]

A shame they only made 200 or so hours of this.

[@kieranflaherty3316]

2:05 Don't mind me ,I'm just saving my favourite moments from each episode for my next round trip 👍

[@borismuller86]

Love Ricky’s little accents

[@shnoogums1]

I fucking love when Steve does his satire bit

[@poolwizard11]

"smashing pumpkins" haha

[@Smithy101575]

I love the Victoria plumb domino effect at 11:33

[@omikronweapon]

"..alright.."

[@BigPMitchell]

I love how Steve consistently hears things exit Karl's mouth that are so outlandish he's convinced he's missed a vitsl part of information. It happens nearly every other epsiode 😄

[@ThatGreatGuyJesus]

still waiting for "do we need 'em" to make it to tv...

[@stoox006]

+Jesus I'm still waiting for the hot debut of "Big Mother" - You call in, if your mum's heavy you win a CD.

[@odw_99]

In one of the episodes, Karl talked about making a reality show out of making famous people homeless for a week, they've made that and put it on the BBC…genius!

[@ishaq9259]

Jesus I bet you remember this comment and now your having nostalgia yw

[@Dan-nx3ss]

That were reet nice

[@thomasmilnes6126]

Loving these thanks to whoever is uploading viva pilkington

[@studkickass513]

Multi-gym facilities!

[@jasonanderson1299]

3:21 Best noise made by Steve ever

[@Rafooky92]

This episode's such a classic 😂

[@andrewtaylor9243]

Karl makes me happy every time I hear him talk.

[@Christophee1987]

The ones we keep go on the ark to survive the flood, but we're starting with jellyfish. Makes perfect sense.

[@oOBeagleOo]

Karl: Me mams into gnomes and stuff Steve: She’s pleased with you then hahaha

[@justinkline8437]

"You all right? Do you wanna know where to go?"

[@Thehavok75]

Ricky's laughing in this episode is the best

[@illiteratethug3305]

The Parkinson music fucking slays me everytime

[@guitarist420327]

one of my own rockbusters "what you say to make someone look somewhere" = See There..........Seether

[@MerelMystery]

hahah thats quite a good one

[@guitarist420327]

MerelMystery thank you very much

[@roxxyfoxify]

Here's one that I made: Watch out for Merchant, he likes to take things that aren't his. S N. Stevie Nicks. Steve, he nicks.

[@33hegemon]

+Jake Denney You and your brother are sitting in your female parent's car. MS. Mumford and Sons (Mum's Ford and Sons) ,haha

[@samwaterson4568]

(Karl voice) A book you would have while your on the toilet? whats going on there? LR.... Lou Reed (Loo Read)

[@omikronweapon]

XFM 2-18 0:00 (missing) 3:36 The Pretenders - 2000 Miles 7:31 Badly Drawn Boy - Donna and Blitzen 12:38 Goldrush - Let You Down 19:04 Teenage Fanclub - Christmas Eve 25:03 ??? - ??? 29:02 ??? - ??? 34:06 The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl - Fairytale of New York 43:10 Feeder - Just the Way I'm Feeling 50:52 Mark Eitzel - Snowbird 58:30 John Lennon - Happy Xmas (War is Over) 61:20 Joni Mitchell - River

[@omikronweapon]

Two tracks are just a second, unfortunately a second I'm not familiar with. If I were to guess at the missing song at the start I'd go for Eminem - My Name Is. "Slagging off his mum, a little bit of cussing" First song that popped in my head, it's not exactly science, but what can I say, I'm a simple man :P

[@jimmystooge]

+OmikronWeapon I think it's 'Lose Yourself' by Eminem.

[@taanatheonetaana]

+OmikronWeapon Pretty sure that was Athlete before Goldrush,

[@joshualyons2854]

25:03 I think is manic street preachers - if you tolerate this then your children will be next. Not 100%

[@Ozzman6662]

What happens to the sound quality around the 25 minute mark?

[@masonj910]

Thought it was just mine that was like that

[@sctmcg]

2:17 - my highlight of this episode

[@Ultratoast01]

Ricky's nervous laugh of anticipation right before Karl launches into the Victoria Plum story is perfect.

[@jacklancer7735]

Ricky's impression of Karl's dad always gets me 😂

[@capnhawkins]

5:27 Ricky: "He always starts off with "Right, so then..." Karl: "So..." Ricky: *cackle*

[@TIM-O21]

Every time i go into a disabled toilet i think of karls multi gym facilities comment 😂

[@stoox006]

First click like, then listen

[@BoxerBoyPilky01]

Five different times they've talked about animals with no heads lmao

[@liambennion9627]

Side on.

[@josephsharp4582]

She likes gnomes, she likes fairies, she likes.... Indians!

[@Owen-wc1wr]

It still amazes me that Karl, Suzanne and her parents were able to get a taxi to the pub for £3.

[@AA-hg5fk]

This was about 18 years ago.

[@mattias969]

It amazes me that they even get through the door

[@jacksoncuzzort8880]

Late reply. The cab was 6 bucks and change leaving Karl with 3 and change which he gave as a tip, hence trying to reassure Suzanne's dad that he had spent a "tenner" on him :)

[@enthrallingusername]

"no, do the bug ed one" then Karl laughs. Even he knew how stupid their conversations and features are.

[@isaiahjacob6345]

“Special powers of adhesion” 😂😂😂

[@WollongongWacko]

Lol

[@moockmusic]

Steve’s ignorance of British passport rules here foreshadows his later aborted trip to L.A. If only we could go back and tell him.

[@bubbledmango1373]

I JUST Realized. Why. In The Fuck. Would A Jellyfish Need To Get On Noah’s Ark?

[@mrpin7429]

😂🤣😂🤣

[@mrpin7429]

😂🤣😂🤣

[@Wagoo]

I think Noah has to personally watch each copulation to ensure pregnancy

[@liambennion9627]

@Wagoo I take it he personally suggested this stipulation 🤣

[@BigEats99]

Anyone got a link to the big 'eded kid?

[@6663000]

Possibly my favourite Rockbusters.

[@a_b897]

After several years of listening through the show I think I agree with this!

[@carterwatson9954]

has anyone tried putting the subtitles on? haha have a read

[@catapedamaniac]

+Carter watson It has a really hard time when Ricky talks!

[@philbinpar1]

i love that Ricky and Steve were so confused by the cat story that they didn't even make fun of it at first

[@shnoogums1]

“Yeah but...do we need turtles?” Ohh my godd hahaha

[@scottmroberts]

In Ricky and Steve world, you cannot mention Fairytale of New York without adding it's the best Christmas song of all time.

[@owenjamesparrymusic]

Jellyfish are so many now they're a problem prophet Carl

[@justinkline8437]

Does anyone have the faintest idea of what Karl is talking about with the little fellas nicking cars? Seriously.