Margaret Cho: Remove Your Investment in Pain

Margaret Cho (comedian, Fire Island, Flight Attendant, Hacks) opens up about dissociation, queerness, and her love for rescuing animals. She gives us a peek into her impressive cat palace and explains what bisexuality means to her and why comedy is her safe space. Margaret discusses the origins and triggers of her struggles with dissociation and how she is able to harness its benefits in her acting. She takes us through her journey through recovery from opiate abuse and her experiences with EMDR therapy. Mayim breaks down compulsive overeating, and she and Margaret consider the notion of palatability within the entertainment industry, especially when it comes to body and age shaming.
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Find Margaret Cho:
Twitter: @margaretcho
Instagram: @margaret_cho
See Margaret Cho on tour: margaretcho.com/tour/
Theme Song Written, Produced and Performed by Ed Robertson. Mixed by Kenny Luong.
#MayimBialik​​​ #BialikBreakdown #MargaretCho

[@peter_bazinet]

I did Margaret Cho's make-up several years back for an Alison Arngrim comedy show at Universal Studios APLA party. She is without a doubt one of the sweetest people on this planet. By the end of the evening, I was exhausted from all the ladies I had to make up. I was standing at the back of the audience, just catching my breath. Margaret walked up to me, stood next to me, put her arm around me, put her head on my shoulder, and said "you must be so tired from all this. You deserve a good nights sleep". I'll never forget how comforting she was. To this day, I think of that when I'm at the end of my rope. Love you Margaret!

[@oxforddictonary]

Amazing. What an epic memory to hold onto. Thanks for sharing that with us.

[@carawilliams4958]

😢 In a good great way

[@jenmdawg]

Love this. I also worked with her on an Indy movie and she was the star as a PERSON. Her presence makes things go better and that’s a power.

[@2redsabots]

Tearing up

[@FreckledGemini]

Aaaaw. All the feels. Love this.

[@oxforddictonary]

Margaret Cho is the OG !!! Her brand of "queer comedy" was so empowering for my queer self growing up and trying to find voices in media that I could relate to. She paved the way for Kathy Griffin's brand and doesn't get enough credit for her signature brand of comedy that is quintessential in story telling, articulate, and B.R.A.V.E.

[@DaniElle-di4ho]

The asexuality Margaret is describing sounds like the natural consequence of perimenopause/ menopause for many women. I love that she talks about menopause! Mayim, please do a show on menopause!!

[@sheenachristina2385]

Margaret Cho was the first main stream representation of an Asian woman and Asian family I ever saw. As a little Filipino kid growing up learning the “American experience” with immigrant parents, it was so comforting to see our reflection, and being Asian and American on screen.

[@Fiawordweaver]

I agree with Jonathon. He loved the pants , you bought him. You did a great job. Comfort is paramount so getting a larger size is not returning your great buying idea. It’s making it a bigger great buy idea. Embrace that, Mayim. You did great.

[@The_Green_Queen]

Cringy segment, as Jonathan gracefully pointed out when he said “I don’t know what this has to do with Margaret.”

[@brendab19]

Mayim, with the pants, you are really exhausting. They're the same pants. Lol Jonathan is a Saint to be able to deal with the never-ending digs. He obviously adores you. I love your show. You two are a great complement to one another. I love your honesty and the format of your show. It's so important to discuss mental health challenges. Great conversation on dissociation.

[@MattLitchfield]

Margaret needs to be on Call Me Kat as a rival Cat Cafe owner. EDIT: but like, a Dr evil type, has a PhD in cat psychology

[@fromshadeswithlove2208]

So fun!!!!@MissMayim

[@whowhat.wherewhen]

This would be to fun and to real to have someone come in and to confident and tell Kat how cats work have Kat have a brief break down and then tell said cat expert to go to hell cuz she knows what she is doing to hell be damned. . . ❤️🌻❤️

[@flyingfig12]

@@whowhat.wherewhen and their cats get together and more hell ensues.

[@lyricalalchemist4091]

Mayim, you amaze me! Intelligence, beauty, talent, sense of humor. There may be hope for the human race after all, that someone like you exists. Thanks for being you and sharing yourself with all of us.

[@trueleo4103]

Thank you for saying this…I feel the same 😊

[@rosalindzee1884]

Totally agree with what Margaret Cho is saying about the 90's here.

[@c.w.2000]

I listened to the podcast but had to come here to give my opinion on the pants. As long as Jonathan clarified that the pants were exchanged for a different size, I think it's fair to call them the same pants. For example, at the store, you would ask a sales associate, "Do you have THESE pants in a size 34?". So, the size is a more specific detail, but the majority of the characteristics are the same.

[@georginaphillips8378]

Same. I listened to the podcast then came here to weigh in on the pants. While they are not literally the same pair of pants, they are essentially and for all other intents and purposes the same pants. And I’m glad that Jonathan loves the pants you bought him Mayim. 😊

[@dianamcmahon51510]

Wow, I was sitting on my couch just nodding my head as Margaret was talking about the spin out effects that anxiety has. It only takes one incident or comment, then it totally spirals, goes to the worst case scenario, and that's where my brain sets up camp. She put it perfectly when she said "I have to somehow 'pre-feel' the tragedy it's going to cause." Yessssss, spot on Margaret. I feel that to my core.

[@mimibooboo7161]

Brain sets up camp. Fantastic description.

[@danabrewer3676]

Margaret nailed it so much for me with menopause as second puberty.

[@Lava775]

The pants. To my friend, "oh wow, I have the same shoes." "Look those people are wear the exact same dress!" It does not ALWAYS have to be literal. 🤣

[@mariobastian8189]

Listening to Mayim mentioning Kaley calms me down. I really should stop believing in media that said they don't talk to each other.

[@elyssacarmony4554]

There have been several times over the last few weeks where your podcast has been a beacon of hope, and I am so grateful for your voice in this world today

[@rand0mth0ts]

Please please get Margaret Cho on Call me Kat! A frequent customer who comes in just for the cats… and shares funny and insightful commentary… and bring her on as much as she’s available! 🥰

[@barbararivera2380]

I like how Mayim tactfully corrected Margaret about what disassociation is

[@bitchenboutique6953]

I get extra excited when Mayim brings on someone I’m a little obsessed with… Margaret is such a hero of mine and hearing them chat like old friends about cats is ridiculously thrilling to me

[@sweingold5686]

They are the same pants! I got to see Margaret Cho's show once. Amazing. Very glad she is happy.

[@davis51369]

WOW Jonathan you are my hero. If someone was so particular about me returning something for the exact same item but a different size. I think I'd lose it. I couldn't handle that level of..... damn I can't find the right word or a polite word for my thought.

[@sahrashimmies2843]

Agreed! That was uncomfortable to watch. I really felt for him.

[@TingleWood]

YES, THEY ARE THE SAME PANTS in the appropriate size. Great show. The disassociation and opioid addiction resonated with me. so much. I was prescribed a low dose of opioids, which has only very slightly increased, but Margaret was so right..... the pain doesn't go again. The pain just becomes something I don't care about whilst the opioids make me feel some kind of 'normal'.

[@melderead]

Mayim, the pants are the pants. He appreciated the cut, color and style that you chose. the size is something that you may not have hit on perfectly and it was the only things he changed. Kudos to you for three out of four!

[@7autumn5]

55:50 For some non actor types, LIFE is just the thing you're "acting" through. I would bet many many of us understand what Margaret and Mayim are speaking of. I definitely feel like a "sisterhood" during these sorts of talks. Thank you for sharing.

[@RnRHeath]

This little Chihuahua is the spitting image of my little girl, Rigley. She’s been gone 3 years now, but is always with us!

[@elwoodalbert4677]

Margaret Cho, Jonathan Van Ness & Kate McKinnon meed to do a show where they help cat ladies solve problems and create smart cat spaces in their homes

[@tex1622]

Someone needs to call the RSPCA on me. I THOUGHT I was a devoted cat mother, but CHO, which makes me love her even more, has raised the fucking bar!

[@pisto30]

The part about not knowing what you want to do or be because you've pushed it down hits me so much. For the longest time (until my 20's, probably) I didn't even know what my favorite color was because I just liked whatever my mom picked for me

[@Fiawordweaver]

I had brain surgery where my right temporal lobe skin flap was cut back to get to my skull to cut a puzzle piece out and remove my benign tumor. So I really like the shaved look. I was 65. During pandemic and continue to cut my own hair. I shave my right side out of honoring the surgery success and being my own version of being a badass in my 60’s. I don’t color my grey. Wow just came back to show. Cant write and listen. Trauma. I so relate. The adult long therapy from the age of 28 and ongoing. It’s taken this long to start understanding how the parental abuse so sucked the life out of me. Thank you for this show. I wish I could have taken drugs and alcohol but my body would not metabolize that. But food always is my go to drug of choice. “What about Bob” was my go to movie in my 30’s. I had panic attacks daily. “What about Bob” nailed the life of fear with humor. I could laugh at myself watching that movie. I imagined myself being tied to a plane wing to get over my fear of flying. I finally got over my fear of flying in my 50’s. I actually love flying now. Weird! I’ve been acting all my life on the reality stage without being well known or getting a salary. The acting hides my pain in public.

[@stevenousleyII]

This genuinely made my entire, gay, Texan-boy-day so much better XO Steven 💙

[@thecuriousprofessor]

Emerging from menopause we can finally be the people we were meant to be. So thrilled to hear Margaret day this. I feel the same way! These are by far the best years of my life!

[@cheretodd9949]

I can't believe it took me so long to watch this! I'm advocating for MORE ANIMALS in every podcast, let's start a movement!

[@michele1491]

Margaret, best pet parent ever.

[@The_Green_Queen]

The dog was soooo chill. Next time I need to calm myself, ima picture that face.

[@thatjayne]

I adore and love Margaret Cho. What a wonderful person.

[@Gabriel-jd7dd]

Beautiful podcast, thank you! All my life I called my 'trauma spiraling', 'snowballing'... I imagined it, like I was standing on a snow covered hill and my troubling thought was a snowball, but I couldn't control holding onto it, and so I would drop it and as it rolled down the hill it would gather more snow (troubling thoughts) and get bigger and bigger and further away from me... As empathetic as I feel towards you I also feel a little better knowing that even smart, strong, accomplished, beautiful women such as yourselves are also affected by anxiety.

[@anelam71]

I have loved Margret for the longest time. This was a great conversation ♥️.

[@believer773]

Another amazing show. Margaret is a truly awesome person, I got to meet her in Denver in the late 90s and it was one of the funnest nights of my life and it wasn't her comedy set it was how generous she was with her time after the show. There was a group of us crazed gays fanning all over her and she talked to us and made us laugh and cry for a full hour,.

[@barbdowns1]

I never thought I could possibly love Margaret Cho more than I already did, but this interview proved me wrong. Thank you so much for this interview. ❤

[@patriciagallant8133]

I don't think anybody would complain about "just" Johnathon and Mayim talking. I love it!

[@nanascorner4586]

I lived next door to Margaret's parents for many years. I didn't realize who she was as a celebrity until she did her mother in a skit and it was spot on!. Great comedian and great human being. My best wishes to her parents from old neighbors on 20th.

[@brittaniniemi4874]

I really needed to hear this today!! So relatable and refreshing to get that reminder that I'm not alone with my struggles!! Thank you ladies!!!!😘

[@forestduffe5576]

I love when mayim and Jonathan banter😆

[@nahlanoelle7897]

Regarding the pants issue. You're both right. Mayim is technically correct that the pants are literally NOT the same. But Mark (?) is technically correct in saying they are the same pants, because his "the same" means the same style. If the pants had a name, example "Hudson's Striped Pants" and you had a section for those pants in different sizes, every pant in the varying sizes would be called Hudson Stripped Pants. So if a guy bought pants in SM and another in XXL2 and left out with the same style and someone asked, "Did you two buy the same pants" the answer would be "Yeah, we both liked the same design." I can't imagine someone answering, "Of course they aren't the same pants! His is in S and mine is XXL2." Like it would be understood that "the same" in this context is style, because you choose clothes based on style/pattern NOT on size. In other words, Mark's size in pants will always be whatever his size is. Your choice in gift would have been the same whether you got the pants in SX or XXL2. So when he exchanges a gift for a better fit, he's technically returning the pair you got, but in spirit, he's keeping the present, and making sure the fit is right. So, this isn't about him changing what words means. It's him using words in the way they are normally used in that given context. TL;DR: "Technically correct" doesn't always make you "correct". Because context matters, and if you want to communicate well, you can't just be robotically attached to technicalities. You have to understand the way people normally speak and leave room for that, too. Just my 2 cents.

[@chrisrw8939]

So great to hear someone express their sexuality in a very similar way to me…as I enter my late 30’s I’m beginning to become asexual also. I’m also happy alone, for the most point. I felt heard so thank you 😊

[@angelaholmes8888]

I feel the same way I'm in my 30,s and I don't have the need or want to be with someone

[@dasnixblix4846]

What do you mean when you use the term "asexual"? Do you mean not feeling sexually attracted to people? I wonder because what you said sounds more like you meant something different.

[@flyingfig12]

@@dasnixblix4846 a think it's a broad term to also include asexual not by choice.

[@thejackal007]

Excellent episode. Margaret is always fun to see and it's enlightening to see into her past. Also... SAME PANTS

[@amyciampa490]

Unbelievable candor. Such an inspired conversation

[@laceym314]

I love the content that Mayim and Jonathan create together at the end of the episodes. I would also love to see an entire series on Margaret Cho. She could bring so much knowledge to so many. I felt that episode was way too short and I just need like three or four more hours, please?

[@elaineturcotte1043]

LOL! "My cats shouldn't know what goes on at her [Margaret Cho's cat-tastic] house!" (3:25) I love Margaret Cho's comedy and I love you two and your fabulous podcasts. I can't wait to hear this episode.

[@annaspratt361]

Don't forget, if we put all that out for our cats, they wouldn't use it, lol. They love just a bare shelf or a cardboard box!!! Often they will never lie in beds you place out or go in little huts etc!!

[@katiecox8128]

“Stopped wearing spank as a formal statement” So in love with you Mayim 🙌🏽

[@berniecasey7592]

Get Margaret on your show -she's the best

[@Fac725]

This was just beautiful ❤

[@KristinM626]

Loved this episode! Would love to see Margaret on Call Me Kat! I’m not the person who keeps commenting their Best Fiends level, but I did smile when I realized I’m ahead of Mayim (level 1530).

[@forestduffe5576]

This is by far my favorite podcast. Spectacular guests and talking about mental issues ,etc.

[@raquel8780]

Long time fan of Margaret Cho, loved that she was on Mayim's podcast! Three empathic and kind people speaking in a safe space, really enjoyed it. Thank you!

[@Mrs_Guac_and_Glock]

Jonathan: "Not necessarily who's right or wrong but how we can improve communication." 😄 He sounds like me. I call it my lawyer brain. I promise it's not intentional, we don't ~try~ to twist words, it's just how our brain interprets them differently.

[@mollysmith1226]

I love that!

[@kinshasav]

Margaret was amazing!

[@marissacaldeira2098]

This was the best podcast ever!

[@katherinelauer4666]

When Margaret was explaining her disassoition I have felt like that. I feel like for the first time it downed on me or she just explained it and it hit me like oh that is why I feel like that sometimes. I have ADHD only found that out this past year. My anxiety I have known about but explaining how our thoughts go all over the place and my anxiety shows in anger and I hate myself for it. Love listening to your show learning new things about all sorts of things. I know none of this paragraph has made any sense what's so ever but thank you for your show. 💕

[@psychedelicbookworm]

Thank you for discussing dissociation.

[@OneLoveRSR]

I'm not kidding. I needed just a little more time in that cat house. It made me so happy.🤗💖😍

[@gardenbun]

Phenominal episode! I ADORED the part at the end where you and Jonathan had an extended riff! :)

[@marshatrampe1357]

they're cute fighting

[@saraream133]

I’m Team Jonathan on the pants. He honored Mayim’s gift by getting the same style she chose. He could have been upset that she doesn’t know his size! 😃👖

[@suzannem9811]

This interview was so perfect and beautiful, I did not want it to end. Mayim & Margaret FOREVA!!!

[@momomar6382]

I have had this huge crush on Cho for a very long time!

[@katiecox8128]

THANK YOU SO MUCH for talking about this. I would LOVE a a deeper dive into this… this neurodivergent sensory overload spectrum that so many of us are drowning in

[@bobdereimer5210]

Thank you, Margaret. Thank you, Mayim.

[@saratonnan]

Great interview. ❤️ Johnathan is correct re the pants. 😁

[@kellymeighan3405]

Mayim, those jeans are not the same jeans!! I agree 🤣 When I was 9 I was trying to explain to my mom, sisters and step dad, that the fabric on the chair and sofa were not the same fabric, even though they look the same, one is physically here and one is physically there and not one of them could understand what I was saying, they all were like it's the same and I freaked out and was like no it's not! I thought that I was just smarter than them and they just couldn't understand something like that because it was over their head. I have never told that story because I just assumed I was the only one who understands that they are not the same, thank you for that story, I am not alone!! 🤣 Love this episode! Margaret is such a great person, so honest and forthcoming. Her cats and dog have an amazing house to live in!!

[@marydawkins4190]

Be Here Now...my mantra for when I am aware that my mind and body are literally winding up like a coil in my head. Anxiety that's not tied to anything other than how I learned to exist and have been doing forever. It's revelation to be here now, mindful.

[@candyskinner6710]

You deserve a medal Jonathan!

[@rbcml47]

I love the color scheme of her house 🎨😍💗

[@heatherhellickson9166]

Bless you all! Finally I get to hear someone I admire speak the truth about menopause and aging. I always looked younger and was sort of pretty and naturally thin. Imagine my surprise when I literally disappeared in public and in others eyes after losing my beauty, my thinness and my mind. I am now at peace with myself but it does make me sad at times. No one wanted to understand and no one spoke about it to me. I guess it is the lack of hormones that makes me not care either way. Thank you so very much ❤

[@katiecox8128]

I am learning SO much about myself right now. The way she describes the sensory panic OMG yes. I feel crazy

[@lorileifer613]

Wow Mayim & Margaret, this one was a GREAT one!!! ❤️ thank you!

[@7autumn5]

Okay 5 minutes in and I realize Margaret Cho and I approach pet ownership the same way. If I have a pet, it is given all the enrichment I would provide a child and it is part of the household. There is no "just a pet" with me. When I am in, I am all in.

[@matiaspereira9382]

Every person is how they are. I totally accept people for who they are. You're a great actress Dr. Bialik! Keep up your good job. You're one of the nicest people ever Dr Bialik. A lot of people love you!

[@marisamartinezolivera]

How couldn’t she accept that her friend Jim was gay, lived and married her other friend Todd? This comment of yours or is bad written or distills a certain still not overcomed intolerance…

[@matiaspereira9382]

@@marisamartinezolivera I fixed it

[@matiaspereira9382]

@@marisamartinezolivera I never acussed her of not accepting people

[@marisamartinezolivera]

@@matiaspereira9382 But simply thanking her for “accepting” something that us and must be natural, mkes your coment smell as biased

[@marisamartinezolivera]

@@matiaspereira9382 By fixing..you etased it? LOL!

[@jeepguy77]

As a 45 yo gay man I completely related to most of this conversation. Thank you 🙌

[@darcy5823]

This episode felt so short. I need another few hours of this! I get something out of every episode, but damn, this one was transformative! Edit - regarding the poll, I vote they are the same pants 😆

[@lenaburns]

This was so interesting and I learned a lot about myself in this episode. Thank you.

[@fromshadeswithlove2208]

Love this episode. Was super sad when Margaret's show went off the air and now I understand. Okay, the Pants thing...the rejection doesn't pass the "hmmmm" test. The pants would be unaccepted as a gift if they were exchanged for a different color, style, manufactuerer, shorts vs long, fabric or simply brought back and exchanged for a shirt. The only thing that was different was Jonathan's comfort. I get the attachment to Mayim was the one who put the pants in the box/bag/paper. Mayim was the one who brought them all the way from the other store to the home. I bet, if Mayim had been the one to go get the bigger size, she would have also felt let down [as it was not the original]. I get really excited when I find a perfect gift and any deviation can feel like rejection. Love you both. Thank you.❤️✌️

[@megboone4017]

Powerful episode! So many topics. Thank you!!!

[@cEcJr17]

I love Margaret Cho. Wonderful interview. Thanks for sharing.

[@orland0110]

Mayim, you are always so amazing! Thank you for yet again for another wonderful episode.

[@laurajoy5638]

Yes, Jonathan, they are the same pants!

[@stephanieeverett2238]

Y'all are saving my life every day. Thank you ❤️

[@leahwallen5713]

Everything she said. Wow. I do that whole exact thing that she was talking about. The spiraling. I've always been into horror films. I've never correlated that with my anxiety at all. I just love Margaret Cho so much I always have. She's just fascinating to me. And I love mayim bialik with all My heart. I can feel her sadness sometimes when she talks. So glad for this podcast. And so glad too hear Margaret show. Just explain everything that goes on inside my head. It was so... I was Just saying yes that's it. Yes exactly. Yes, that's it All through everything she was saying.

[@whowhat.wherewhen]

I love all of this video. ALL OF IT . but the last 60 seconds or so got me thinking...my old clunker of a brain Went back and forth in quick time and came up with an answer that worked for me on the issue of trauma and this is what, I do infact, tell myself while making dinner (a beer or many included, working on it. Judge me I dare You) . When being present And having a thought pop up that is hard to chew when chopping my fave veggie which is cucumbers Or when I need to keep my mind set on the work I'm doing (artist, yuck gross I know) I found my brain giving my brain these instructions when a traumatic thought presents itself... " Be gentle enough to say eff off thought... And be kind enough to say to yourself, to your body and your being, you are ok right now and we will talk about your concerns soon. Hang in there take a breath. I love you. I am for us. Breath. You are my whole world tears included now stand by as a bunch of dad jokes come into play as seen by a closet lesbian and breath damnit. Holy forking Gord I love feeding my family." . Seems erratically non insensitive and neurotic. Good. I'm on the right track to righting myself and bringing back a sense of self, chaotic though it may seem. Am I perfect no! Was tonight dumb and stupid? Yes. Ebb and flow. Work it babe You got this I trust in you. ❤️🌻🌻❤️

[@joanshavit2630]

yes to Margaret Cho being amazing:)

[@punkyboy30]

Love me some Margaret Cho!! Don't mind my profile photo lol. Such an amazing human being. Thank you Mayim for this!

[@debreed2558]

This is a great interview!!

[@brandim1230]

Loved this episode

[@jeno5176]

Great show. So helpful

[@parkviewmo]

I understand Jonathan's perspective better than Mayim's. He was trying to help you understand his appreciation! You did well in picking something he liked!

[@jamilynmcnally902]

Thank you so much for this! Margaret’s explanation of disassociation helped me! Jonathan I hate to agree with you but hairless cats creep me out too!

[@brandim1230]

I got to level 1000 in best fiends yesterday. This game is so much fun. I love it

[@kimpond7089]

Great episode, love her so much

[@melindamcdaniel2479]

This is the best! Thank you!

[@onerainiday]

I appreciate both Mayim and Jonathan. Would have liked to have had this program 50 + years ago. Amazing information via your Breakdown program on KZbin.

[@elizabethschreiber55]

Thank you ladies for making it ok to be me.

[@soultrekotc6635]

Loved this episode. ❤️

[@lishagallegos9551]

GREAT SHOW!!