r/AmITheA**Hole For Setting Boundaries With My Child And Ex's Family?

[@teresafinch7790]

The receptionist saying the HIV test out loud needs to be fired. It is very wrong.

[@mcaeln7268]

That’s a privacy violation and I think could also be a HIPPA violation

[@lindacasey5016]

@@mcaeln7268 This is the worst kind of HIPPA violation.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

Omg yes. OPs husband is a nut.. imagine the town gossip was un the surgery and then decided op needed an HIV test because he was having an affair and gave her something... pretty sure the shoe would be on the other foot then

[@nhdoom8368]

God reddit gives the worst advice. You literally have to wade through a million YTA responses to find the pediatrician that's like "uh guys the allergy thing doesn't make sense".

[@WobblesandBean]

That's the Mommy Cult for you. AITA is full of 'em. They think you should bend over backwards and sacrifice anything and everything, no matter the situation, because "pweshus bayybeeeees".

[@claudeyaz]

Yeh reason why society is gonna be doomed lol. Soft times make soft men. We expect the rest of the world to have the same morals as us... But should really understand that other places in the world DO NOT REPSECT US the way we respect them..quite literally want to kill or conquer us. It is hard to imagine others have that kind of malace..when we do not

[@rachellittle7671]

A while back on Reddit there was a poster, about 15yo, who was told by her dying mom that she (the OP) wasn't her dad's biological child. The OP's grandma told her not to say anything because it was "her mom's dying wish". She went to Reddit for advice, and Reddit told her that her dad deserved to know. Well, her dad kicked her out since he didn't want to raise another man's child, and her grandma wouldn't take her in because she'd told her dad. The OP died by suicide. I think Redditors forget that situations often require a lot more nuance, and that there are real world consequences for the advice they give.

[@sweetcake4711]

@@rachellittle7671 I think in today's time, most of Reddit and on here on KZbin would've said the fifteen year old deserved to die for being an affair child. Today's generation was raised to have a hatred for children who's parents did bad things and hate children in general. I'm sure they celebrated when she died. I hope she's at rest.

[@mindingmybusiness3915]

@@rachellittle7671 um wtf that was literally worst advice ever. Half ppl giving that advice were probably kids themselves.

[@laurabjork]

The swedish fish story is so my life. My father used to take all my candy, would always make sure he gets the biggest apple, the sweetest strawberries and I would get the damaged ones. He would make me show my apples and take one he likes. I still struggle with overeating and food fomo. I do not have contact with my father, due to several other reasons and he will never meet his granddaughter.

[@WobblesandBean]

Good. He deserves it.

[@jeb284]

What? Me and my hubby always make sure our children get the best stuff before us except candy. We tried to limit candy and sweets

[@samalvarez8776]

My stepfather would look into the fridge and ask whose food said item was. If I said it was mine, he would look me in the eye and tell me it was his now. Absolutely no respect

[@IrelandFyre]

My kids are the opposite, they're so used to me giving them some of my treats or leftovers that they're genuinely shocked if I want to keep something for myself... Although I usually wind up giving them at least some of it anyway cuz I feel bad 😅

[@silverwindyaku9859]

As a kid I always offered my mom the best candy from my Halloween bag. I always shared the treats I got, no stealing involved because we have a mutual understanding. Always ask before taking. Sounds like the dad just has fucking sticky fingers and is an asshole.

[@RockLikeAStone]

The people who say the dad is wrong for not paying his daughters college are the same people who would call the daughter an entitled person for expecting this after cutting off her dad in the entitled people forum

[@triciawashburn8766]

Yes I agree. I think the mom and her family also had something to do with why the daughter did not want anything to do with him. They were putting things in her head.

[@ShowdogTiger]

Never start a war against your supplier.

[@Jozzie1987]

I agree. It's his money and he can do what he wants with it. They're only talking to him now because they want his money.

[@jimbobjones9330]

I'd give them like $10K, and say "I put as much into your college as you put into being my daughter after our divorce. You mother and her family that spent so much time turning you against me? Have THEM pay for the rest of it."

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Oh great point!!

[@DJShihTzuman]

what's the big deal about no shoes or socks in the house? I was raised to NEVER EVER wear your shoes in the house!

[@SilverMaychan]

Me too. Outside is durty why would you want that in the rest of your home.

[@90charmedndangerous]

Same, I'm European so its very common here and it's like an unwritten rule to take your shoes of inside.

[@starbird3939]

The only reason I wear slippers indoors is either the wood floor or because the floors are cold/hard.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

Mom's insane really. But this is obviously in America. Its not that uncommon to keep your shoes on. My mother did. Even if we weren't going out she'd always wear them. Me unless I'm working where I have to go out I don't. When visiting my sister's house her and my brother in law are rhe same way. When visiting although you can take off your shoes you sometimes don't. This is just us I'm sire every house has different rules.

[@Jessidafennecfox]

I have house slippers and outside shoes

[@owl7072]

"They're telling me it's my fault for keeping the cat" but judging from the sounds of it, it's THEIR fault OP needs the cat to begin with. How are you gonna give your child emotional trauma then have them live with you and demand they get rid of the one thing that's kept them sane? Perhaps OP should move out again, the parents don't sound fit to care for them still. Edit: "at this point it doesn't matter what anyone did or didn't do" okay but it DOES matter. OP needing an emotional support animal is a _direct_ result of being abandoned by their parents, aka the ones who are now demanding Op get rid of said animal for the sake of the new, shiny baby that they _actually kept._

[@azurastar3223]

Yes, but, listening to the story, she wants to keep the cat contained to ONE room. I've seen enough "My Cat from Hell" and "Its me or the Dog" to know that is grade A animal abuse. She's so desperate to keep the animal that she doesn't realize the harm she is doing to the creature that she needs for comfort. Its terrible situation all around, but that cat can, and well no insane cooped up in one single room.

[@nikkiwooden7876]

I have to wonder if the parents are lying about allergies because they just don't want the cat.

[@marthallorens1721]

Pl000⁰p p]]]]p]]]]]]

[@wren4741]

@@azurastar3223 there's a LOT of ways to have a cat essentially contained to one room in the house w/o the repercussions of abuse. Cycling toys, cat scapes, window gazing, leash walks. Studio aparment cats exist happily, as do cats of ppl in dorms, van life ect.

[@CorgiNub]

the fact that OP wants her kid to wear shoes and socks in the house is so upsetting to me lmao

[@foreignbentley173]

So it’s not just me lol the socks ok but with slippers for me but SHOES!! Is a no no

[@fakelandtommy4471]

Right I mean what kind of homophobic monster makes their children wear shoes and socks in their own home, You wear shoes and socks outside where they environment is dangerous for your feet that's what shoes and socks are for

[@francinetitherington4060]

I HAVE to wear shoes inside due to a physical condition with my left foot. Barefoot is painful. Not everyone can go barefoot or remove shoes inside.

[@WobblesandBean]

That man is clearly being used as an ATM. You can't cut off your father, then still expect him to pay your way in life. It doesn't work like that.

[@gayeenglund1907]

I agree. The mother doesn't seem to have tried to enhance the father/daughter relationship so she should have seen this coming and saved for the daughter herself.

[@bryn1063]

Ik this was a year ago but agreed. If you cut him out, he's cut out. You gotta live with those consequences and that means no daddy's money because you don't want him. You can't just cut someone out and then ask for their money when you need it.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

And you can't alienate your kids parent and expect them to just keep on bending over and taking it. Play stupid games win stupid prizes... this prize foot the entire cost of your child's college experience.

[@tonemaster4608]

Yeah, I bet the mother poisoned her against him, now we know why they are divorced. Turns out this was the same guy who found out his wife was helping her sister cheat

[@InItForTheParking]

The dad/daughter college one: Why does anyone think that the daughter is entitled to have her college paid for by someone she cut out of her life over a year ago? She didn't even try to reconcile first, she just showed up and expected the money.

[@emilybarclay8831]

Daughter possesses a vagina and therefore is incapable of doing wrong according to Reddit

[@LA-mz1dd]

It reminds me of the story where OP gave daughter up for adoption and at 17 she got in contact with him. After one meeting she then called him up expecting him to full on pay for her college just because he mentioned college in one convo and some people were calling him TA because he said no.

[@kimberlycarrigan8824]

Because it's her account.

[@shaggyzaza-o5v]

@@kimberlycarrigan8824 it’s not hers it’s his and he can do whatever he wants with it

[@zahirahdavis]

The relationship between a child and their parent is not the same as two people on the same playing field the father should take care of his child regardless of the age no matter how they treat them because he decided to have kids she didn’t decide

[@galacticalove]

I'd rather be put back into the system than lose a cat, it's already bad enough if that "abandoned for 15 years" statement is true. When you forget your first kid and take em back, don't just think that the baggage with them is just left behind..

[@paulinadeboer3604]

I was allergic as a baby i still am allergic. There are meds for this. My pediatrician told my mum not to get rit of the cat because i had to give my immuunsystem a change to work. I am still allergic like i said, but it is less severe then when i was a kid. And this kind of allergisch, Kids can grow over.

[@ladyv5655]

When I was young, I expressed interest in learning other languages. My mother discouraged that, saying it would "confuse" me. In high school, I did enroll in a German class with the encouragement of my dad, who had also studied it. Mom seemed disappointed that I did well in the class. I continued studying it at university, along with Spanish and ended up taking time away from school to work and live in Germany and then Argentina. Guess who was "so proud" and eager to take credit for my achievements? Yes! It was mother.🙄 I think this OP's objection to Emily's interest in learning Italian and Yiddish was more about her resentment towards Jim and his bond with Emily. As for Emily, I hope her new interests lead her into having the kind of adventures and experiences that I have been able to have from learning languages.

[@rachellittle7671]

I'm an ESL teacher, and will always advise learning a new language! Being bilingual can sometimes delay the effects of diseases like Alzheimer's, and if you raise a bilingual child, they will often do better in school as it encourages skills like reading comprehension, communication and problem solving. Plus (for me at least, and most of my students) learning a language is fun! The OP's mom is likely jealous that her child has a skill she does not. The entire post stinks of jealousy

[@ladyv5655]

@@rachellittle7671 , I think you are right. As I think about it, my mother did usually discourage any activities if she could not do as well or better. Every Thanksgiving she takes passive aggressive swipes at me because I use store bought pie crusts while she makes hers from scratch. But she's the only person who cares and everybody still eats my pies, soooo....😄

[@rachellittle7671]

@@ladyv5655 You use your store bought pie crusts!! I love baking and pastry is a bitch and a half. A store bought pie crust will taste just as good as a homemade one! What matters is the filling. Your mom needs to get down off that high horse coz I doubt she's wearing a helmet

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

Omg yes! She should be greatful that her exs new partner is wanting to be a positive adult in her child's life. Theres a reason that the 'evil stepmother/step father' trope exists. 😢 (some of my niblings didn't have much luck with getting good ones) and it really messed with their mental health.

[@kellyalves756]

I’ve been studying Spanish since I was 14. My mom kept slipping in suggestions that I learn French or German instead. I answered that I didn’t live in Quebec or Williamsburg, I lived in California and Spanish would be lots more useful. When I pressed her on the issue- well, she never came out and said it, but she basically dog- whistled out an explanation that French or German are “ whiter”. I have picked up a little French and German, but I’m proficient in Spanish, and it’s done me well. People are weird.

[@Beka_Rex]

As a parent myself, I fully agree that the cut off dad isn’t required to pay for his daughters college. He needs to pay child support up to 18, and from there, he isn’t obligated. How the hell can the daughter think it’s ok to cut someone out of you’re life, but then expect them to be a bank machine for you. That’s not how it works. If you cut someone out, you cut them out. You don’t cut them out till you want money from them. He’s far from the AH in my opinion

[@melvinyoung3474]

As far as I know, there is no law, anywhere, that requires the parent(s) to pay for college. The time spent in college prepares you for all the bills that life will throw at you and life isn't fair.

[@DarqueQueen7]

Dad is NTA. Lauren doesn't want to hear the truth, her mother, aunt and grandparents can fund her college education. Good luck with the 2 year degree from the local community college!

[@tonemaster4608]

Especially since it was the mother's fault for the divorce, and the daughter stayed with a toxic person

[@susansimon8310]

Daughter expects money for college, but if OP was paying child support all those years, why didn't her mother start a college fund? 50/50 custody after all. NTA

[@michaeldodson2300]

The daughter is screwed up because parental alienation on the part of the ex and her family blaming the OP. Hopefully one day the daughter will see through the B.S. of the family especially if she is ever cheated on.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

@Talsong Kingslayer No he's not. Mom poisoned the daughter against dad and she stopped having a relationship with him. Why should he open himself up to being an ATM? What if the money he set aside isn't enough? She could have chosen a very expensive school. Then they'd be back with their hands out demanding more. Ir he gives it to her and she gets one degree but wants a second or even third degree. When should he stop paying for a kid who wants nothing to do with him? Next up if he gives her the money, she's going to come to him demanding him pay for her to have a lavish wedding.

[@idkthinkofsomething_0611]

@@Mew_Mokuba_Akari he doesn't have to be an ATM but the COLLEGE FUND he set up for BOTH of his children and PROMISED to them both, he never said he wasn't funding the college and it does feel like favoritism. Like give the college fund that you promised and then continue

[@Alexisgotvids]

@@idkthinkofsomething_0611 no cause the daughter went no contact, I wouldn't give my kid anything if the went no contact with me

[@paulinadeboer3604]

I don't know 50/50 custody so it wasn't a problem in the beginning. I wonder when the favortisme began. I wonder if thats the reason sister didn't like to go to dad anymore. There is so much information missing. If alianation on mothers side would be the truth, both Kids would have been affected, not only the daughter.

[@nikkiwooden7876]

The no-chew spray is nicer than what my grandfather did to break my cousin of the same habit; he used hot sauce 😹

[@zellagrace445]

One of my friends’ dad tried to get my friend’s baby sister to stop sucking her thumb with hot sauce. Unfortunately, she liked the hot sauce 😂

[@MandyLina123]

I don't think anyone was wrong with the dressing up. I sometimes get home from work and don't want to wear nice clothes for 45 minutes or so to eat, but also I see why Sarah was hurt. I think the update was a nice ending though. I've been Sarah in that situation and while I was hurt, I understood his side too.

[@judelbugsrutter6727]

Yeah i can definitely see OPs point... my dad was a hard worker and just wanted to be in PJs at home. Maybe if she wants to dress up sometimes maybe he can wear his 'good tracky dacks' and a clip on tie. It's fun to dress up. But it's nice to make your partner feel comfortable too.

[@MandyLina123]

@@judelbugsrutter6727 That sounds like a very fair compromise! That way she knows he’s trying.

[@ajarfullofjoy]

I had a pharmacist reveal some info I didn't expect. I was waiting for my prescription and there was a huge line, like 20 ppl in this thing pharmacy. He came out and asked if I still needed an antibiotic that is taken a month ago. I said no, and he said, "well my notes say you have c. Diff and if you don't take all your meds you could have the diarrhea a lot longer." I must have turned colors. The lady next to me was so pissed off at him and reamed him out for announcing a diagnosis and medical info to a crowded room. She turned around to me and said, "I'm on antidepressants and hormones since I'm in menopause and my cooch needs it. So I don't want you to feel embarrassed, we all got our problems." I said thanks, I don't need those antibiotics since I already picked those up a month ago....

[@IluvZero12]

NTA for the sister licking people, I have major issues with other people's bodily fluids and certain textures/sensations in general and if she had licked me it would have caused a huge freak out. I know I am not the only one like this and who knows if someone's first instinct wouldn't be to hit or do something else that could cause injury to her.

[@autodogdact3313]

It would have been better for him to use the stuff designed for humans, to stop kids from sucking their thumbs, some of the dog sprays can be toxic for humans and also it much have been less offensive to the parents. Dog no-chew spray comes off as seeming like he sees her as a dog.

[@francinetitherington4060]

If the Dog Spray wasn't toxic, I can't understand why the parents didn't also embrace using the spray.

[@janiceellery1653]

The owner of the male German shepherd has no legal claim over the puppies. This case would be laughed out of court

[@owl7072]

To this day I still don't know how it's a bad habit to walk around the house without shoes or socks, most I'll wear is socks if my feet are cold but I don't wear shoes unless I'm about to go somewhere or if for whatever reason, I dropped a glass cup or something and I don't want to step on the glass while cleaning

[@yvonnepalmquist8676]

Agreed. Wearing shoes in the house is gross. It just spreads filth and germs.

[@RWorley3sl]

We wear flip flops around the house that are house only. We have running outside shoes that stay by the door. And the other kinds are taken off when we get home. My dad doesn't do this so sweeping and moping is done way more often. When I'm home alone I don't even have to mop. All because of outside shoes my dad wears.

[@Kimi_Khaos]

@@RWorley3sl Same in my house. We have our street shoes, that we wear in public and then we have house shoes or those weird socks with grip on the bottom, like hospital socks. Lol Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure that's where the ones we have came from. I might wear shoes in someone else's house, unless they ask me to take my shoes off or it's a close friend or family member's home, but I'd never think to wear street shoes in my own home.. that's just strange.

[@kriztlepyre8951]

Unless its freezing its slippers in the house, shoes on the other hand around the house bit weird imo and can track dirt into the house etc why is OP making SUCH a big deal? everything else too like what?

[@jgw5491]

I don't know about other countries but the US is sort of backward in this regard (I'm American). I think the custom of having indoor/outdoor shoes is a good one The only caveat for me is that it is best to have the indoor shoes or slippers ones that will protect the soles of the feet. I'm diabetic and would hate to step on a stray sharp object.

[@UniCrys1313]

The college story ... OP is NTA. My hubby died with out ever being able to get back his kids' affection. His ex wife turned them all against him after he divorced her for cheating on him. Against court orders she refused to allow him to see them, she left the state without informing him, she actually punished them for even mentioning him. She convinced them he didn't care and wasn't paying child support, even though he had proof that he was paying as our state is the go between if the children are using benefits. His oldest daughter got back in touch before she turned 18, but even though she claimed she wanted a relationship, all she wanted was money. She constantly guilt tripped him about not being in her life in order to get money out of him. The other kids didn't even bother to fake affection to try robbed money out of him. Just ignored him unless they wanted money, and if he couldn't pay they ignored him. They didn't even bother to come to his funeral when he died. They were old enough by that time to realise the toxicity of their mother, but still wanted nothing to do with him except his wallet. There is no reason OP should pay for the daughter's college, when she chooses to believe whatever bull her mother and family spews about her father. He owes her nothing if she chooses to go contact with him but expects his wallet to still be available for her whims. I put up with pretty much this same scenario for 9 years prior to my husbands passing. He had been divorced from the mother for sevenish years before we ever met. The oldest girl started contacting him jyst before we got married. I watched them tearing him apart for nine years before it finally killed him.

[@mimilapin]

This is why people have to tell their kids what happened. He should have taken her to court to see them. It sucks but just staying silent and then not pushing to go back to court also sucks.

[@TsunamiJuri]

that cat allergy story is so bizarre, I wonder if she can go back to the foster parents or something they sounded like they were decent people. My mum used to be a social worker and, I have grown to realise that 8/10 times it's actually sad to see a child get "reunited" with their parents. People really should need to get breeding license to ensure they will actually be decent parents.

[@tonyrock1983]

First story, YTA. Everything OP is getting upset about is no big deal.

[@thomasjoseph5876]

You're right, it's not. I think she has an underlying issue with how her ex and Jim got together at least emotionally (emotional cheating) before they were divorced. She simply doesn't like Jim and I have no problem with that. What happened is no different than cheating in a conventional man/woman marriage but ignorant woke people seem to want to give them a pass or forget about the cheating aspect because they are homosexuals. The daughter will eventually learn the truth that "hero" Jim was the reason her mom and dad got divorced. That will certainly curb the daughter's enthusiasm in regards to Jim.

[@LadyLeomon]

... I have a dare for you: look my avatar in the eye and say you’d be perfectly fine with _your_ spouse cheating on you before you divorced, then their AP being treated like a third parent later while your new spouse is frozen out?

[@tonyrock1983]

@@LadyLeomon I have been there, the only difference is I haven't dated anyone since I separated (and divorced) from my ex wife. Heck, I want my kids to see her spouse as another parent figure. As long as my kids are treated good, I'm fine with it.

[@azadalamiq]

@@thomasjoseph5876 she is assuming that though cuz she hurt she was dumped for a man. nothing more

[@jalexoneschanel1356]

@@thomasjoseph5876 the reason they got divorced is because her dad is gay and doesn’t like women. Even if he hadn’t found another partner, they still should have broken up because there wasn’t any love there.

[@karenlloyd945]

Markee she has totally cut off her father for years! He is totally right not to pay for her college, her mum probably poisoned her against her dad.

[@digitalharmony26]

I still don’t get why people think our vaginas will get in the way and stop us from being competent in our job lol mine just kinda sits there, minding her own business. My brain does my work 😂

[@skyelindsey687]

“How dare you bring an unfixed dog to the dog park.” Sir. SIR

[@feraldragon850]

Stepsister licking, the therapist that is working with the licker, is an Occupational Therapist (OT). So, I had my OT hubby who works with elderly listen. The dad in him that raised 8 kids with a variety of issues, (not licking though), cracked up laughing. The OT in him said, "Oh shit, I'm sharing this in some OT groups. It's either an awesome new tool, or will totally fk them up, I gotta see what the pediatric OT's think.." He didn't stop laughing till the HIPPA violation one came on. He said he would ask for the office manager on the spot, and deal with it standing at the counter so other ppl that were there would know how absolutely unacceptable that is.

[@earlinejackson8151]

When I was a kid I didn’t even wear shoes outside! They were lucky if I wore them to school!

[@thatonegirl4676]

Same! I grew up in California and was SHOCKED after I moved to Arizona and attempted to do it after the heat started.

[@LightestKing]

@@thatonegirl4676 yeah in this state we don't have the ability to go out barefoot in the summer months and sometimes even spring/early fall are too hot. Sucks because it's annoying to have to put shoes on just to check mail or something lol

[@brookeeavenson7045]

Right I grew up in the cornfields of Ohio I'd go to school in just socks cause we ran barefooted at home

[@Sweetyang69]

The dad not paying for the college doesn't make him an asshole. I had nothing to do with my dad the chance I got an out and I didn't expect him to do anything for me. I kept getting the child support I was owed and asked for no more. It was her choice to cut him out of her life, she can't be mad he doesn't want to help her.

[@KingQueerRoman]

For the one about ops daughter, imo if a kid cuts off a parent they are not entitled to the parents money even if the money was set aside for the kid. I am a person who is planning on cutting my parents off if they dont change their ways and I am planning on not getting any support from them.

[@tinak2576]

The licking story! As a parent of a special needs child, the spray is GENIUS!!

[@Jacquie0826]

They sell no bite for nail biters so I saw no issues with the dog spray. It's not like he's feeding her dog food. He's deterring a disgusting behavior and the fact that it work should have made the parents happy. They should institute it to help alleviate the issue. I would be mortified if my son licked people and things especially during Corona

[@susansimon8310]

You can be fined a LOT for HIPPA violations!

[@Suelorie]

NTA- daughter of the guy not willing to pay for her schooling-he is right to not be used as her bank account she needs to grow up she chose to cut him off

[@lianabaddley8217]

A few years ago i got my IUD out but had to wait for a week to get another one. I had my first period since after I gave birth. Hubby asked me what i needed. Went to the store, picked everything up and brought it all home. My son saw the chocolate and made a grab for it. Hubby said, son, your Mom needs that chocolate all to herself right now. Give it to her and give her a Big Hug to help her feel better. She needs the hug from you as much as she needs that chocolate. When not pregnant or on period/emotional things happening, then chocolate is open for sharing. That's his view which for me is correct.

[@videofan1010]

I don't think OP#1 is homophobic. She's just outright jealous that her daughter prefers Jim to her new husband. Also she's scared that Jim will challenge her conservative teachings.

[@bricksloth6920]

Maybe not homophobic but an a hole and a bigot for sure

[@gaffawebber]

College Story - NTA. Please do go to a bank and ask for free money with no strings attached and see how that works out. The daughter (and mother/ family) are to blame here. ALL financial arrangements come with strings - including with family. How incredibly entitled some folks are to think that you can blow off someone for years and still be given money by them. Ridiculous on its face. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. PS: the father was also right to expose his SIL as a cheater. As family, it IS his business too.

[@BootyCrusader]

Exactly this. I like how Reddit will always tell people “UH YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING…” Except when it’s a kid/teenager being SUPER unreasonable. Then suddenly, “HOW DARE YOU NOT SUPPORT THEM…” they actively chose to not give their father any of their love or attention and cut him out for no apparent reason… okay, cool, actions; meet consequences.

[@DarqueQueen7]

@@BootyCrusader Amen!

[@mimilapin]

Those parents abandoned their kid for fifteen years its not their place to demand she ditch her cat.

[@One.DeSanctis.]

OP's father did not take "just candy." He stole her birthday gift. OP is not the A-hole

[@emilybarclay8831]

And he taught his daughter that she can’t trust him. That she can’t trust authorities in general. This is how kids learn not to tell adults when bad things happen to them

[@satmtca]

the one story about the girl licking things and people, nice job on the spray and tell her to save the licking for when she finds someone as an adult

[@ninjastorm540]

Story1: YTA. And I'm positive OP is a Karen. She just sounds jealous controlling and bitter that Jim gets along with her daughter more than her husband does. All the "issues" she pointed out were not real issues at all. Just little petty nit pics that are no big deal what so ever. She also sounds super judgemental. Definitely a Karen OP posting.

[@rachellittle7671]

I'm at happy that in the edit the OP at least admitted she was being insensitive. Deconstructing from a very religious background can be a long process, and can't happen overnight. I hope the OP truly took the time to consider her actions and realise how toxic they are

[@schoolappropriateusername5564]

I know this is late but I don’t think she is I think holding resentment to Jim and her ex because he came out as gay which can feel like you’ve been lied to the entire relationship even if he did love her it wasn’t the same kind of love I think people just glossing over the fact that she suspected them to have had feeling before the divorce is wack cause people are basically just telling her she is a homophobe and a horrible parent

[@diamcole]

@@schoolappropriateusername5564 This!

[@dianeghazaryan4773]

lmao Karen? she's a spineless loser for allowing her kid anywhere near a man who had an emotional affair on her.

[@tegantalks9612]

To the husband who ate his pregnant wife’s chocolates: don’t fuck with a pregnant woman’s food, especially if it something you gifted her. It always irritates the crap out of me when my husband would eat my stuff when I was pregnant; the cravings hit super hard sometimes. I’ve literally gotten out of bed at 4am to fulfill pregnancy cravings because they were so strong and I couldn’t sleep. Also sometimes your cravings are the only thing you can eat, especially in the first trimester when everything makes you sick.

[@kathrynvincent4293]

Jim is teaching her two languages. Italian and Yiddish. What a great skill to have.

[@suehirsch6545]

Re dog spray to keep sis from licking: HYSTERICAL. Also a great solution. Parents are horrified bc they know it was originally packaged for dogs. But sis is doing what dogs do with similar mentality, and not a lot of people out in the world at large are going to like being licked by a stranger. She's going to grow up doing it and get punched or worse each time by strangers who won't put up with it. It's also germy and puts others at risk of getting sick because this kid has licked them, so OP's parents are being irresponsible about teaching OP's sis SELF CONTROL. The solution isn't harmful and helps to break the licking habit. It worked and OP's parents are missing a good bet by not using this solution until the licking habit is COMPLETELY broken. It doesn't have to be dog spray. It could easily be lemon juice or a bitter tasting essential oil.

[@LightestKing]

Wtf he exposed a cheater but people in the comments were saying it's not his business?? If this was it's own story everyone would rally behind OP saying "NTA if you didn't say anything you'd be just as guilty as your wife". People's morals really do change from post to post.

[@NyxTwix369]

The story about the licking step sister- I had similar quirks as a child. The spray as long as it's not toxic is perfect prevention. Sometimes we have to be trained similar to animals cuz in the end that's what humans are lol. I had a horrible habit of sucking my thumb, to the point I was deforming my teeth/palette. What got me to stop was my dentist having to put actual spikes in my mouth so that whenever I tried I'd stab my thumb. I learned really quick to break the habit. I also don't recommend this extreme of a method but I wasn't hurt in the end and it's a good example

[@ruthhenderson5413]

In former times, soap on the skin [anti-licking] and Tabasco on the thumb [anti-sucking] were used. Probably kinder, cheaper, and safer.

[@andreachristensen5383]

Everyone seems to be overlooking the fact that the daughter is rude to his houseguest, he deserves respect in his house, from everyone

[@krystalfloods6197]

The daughter is the one that did not want a relationship with her dad so I don’t think she’s entitled to have him pay for her college.

[@LightestKing]

exactly, even if he started it for her to begin with she still needs to EARN that money. She cut him off which is totally fine, if she doesn't want any relationship she shouldn't have to force it but she can't have her cake and eat it too. She ditched the money when she ditched the dad period.

[@Me-wk3ix]

Agreed. I don't see how the daughter, or at least the mom, didn't realize that you don't get to drop a relationship with a person, but still expect them to be obligated to you. Also, it's pretty clear the family did poison the daughter. Or at least did not encourage a relationship with dad. So if she's screwed over and they can't figure our college costs now, that's not OP's fault.

[@WobblesandBean]

Yup. All of this.

[@Mew_Mokuba_Akari]

Yep mom was doing a happy dance all these years that she had successfully poisoned the daughter against dad. 10 or so years down the line daughter is now 19 amd mom calls "Hey wanna check out the college you will be paying daughter to attend?" "No she stopped have a relationship with me 10 years ago. I don't have a daughter. Have fun helping her get funding." Mom has shocked Pickachu face. Starts cursing him and herself. Realizing the consequences if my own actions of poisoning the girl against dad has come back to bute me. She thought that since he didn't fight to have daughter visit that he was a doormat. That when he paid for son whom he did have a relationship with. She thought he's still that doormat dad that didn't fight and he'd still pay for daughter. She was shocked when he said NO.

[@Gabitronia]

Agreed!!! Why tf would it be his responsibility to fund a strangers education. Let's face it. He didn't know his daughter anymore. 10 years of not knowing someone, means you don't know them. Very entitled to think you could treat someone like shit, then expect to get thousands of dollars from them. The family may have poisoned her mind, but she never thought for herself when she was old enough to understand what happened. He had every right to out SIL. As the common saying is, "I would want to know" is usually said when someone finds out infidelity is amongst them, their family, or friends. He was family, he was brought into the situation, therefore it was made his business. It was his right to decide how to proceed with the information.

[@drrobinf.a.2942]

Absolutely agree about preparing the kicking stepsister for adulthood. AND that your rights end where my body begins!

[@RTJames-gq9xg]

My only words- husband and candy: to every conversation or reply “yes, thief?” “Hmm, that’s interesting thief”. Never loud or with mean sound. But his name, or honey will NEVER be heard cross my lips til the apology is given to the child.

[@gigga143]

for the dad story: i never thought it was the him being in the wrong, even before the cheating story it was NTA. you don’t get to cut someone off and then come back years later for money. why would you expect a college fund from someone you don’t speak to? that’s insane. she should ask for money from the people she ditched her dad for.

[@trashcatlinol]

So as a wife of a lazy guy, I kinda sided with OP in that story. Wife should have asked him to dress up. I'm autistic and can't read a room... so I don't see that as a good thing to call him out on. People aren't mind readers and I've been on both ends of that conflict. Glad they were able to talk it out, and I hope they make more plans for date nights where they agree to dress up beforehand! They both deserve their best, and she clearly loves his best, too! I hope she can be clearer in future with him, because they do sound like a competent couple. I see no aholes in that post though. Just a stressed out couple going through a rough patch. And those pregnancy hormones don't help... good on her for giving him a chance to make it up. It sucks to feel hurt, but I know what it's like to work those long hours, too, and find it hard to fault my husband for wanting to do nothing after work. I also get the need to wear your nicest outfit when you go out. I don't have expectations for my husband's appearances, though. He's not allowed to have expectations for mine, either, though he made it clear he didn't like my hair being shorter than his. I have a bad habit of challenging authority, though, and gave myself an undercut I plan to shave in summer. It hides well enough if my hair is down, and keeps my thick hair light and manageable. Even if the look is on full display with my hair up XD; it's a more bold look than I though i'd ever rock, but it so practical and easier to maintain

[@terryburnett751]

Y'all be so damn fickle, I'm sorry blood or not. You don't get to decide you want nothing to do with me, then expect me to be there with open arms and wallet when you need something and it can only come from me.

[@willj24]

The allergic cat thing... the "YTA" folks have clearly never known anyone who was aspergers/high functioning autistic. I have several friends who are. I watched one of them go from very high functioning and capable to a confused mess who couldn't handle anything when COVID struck and screwed up half of her routine just at the same time as her cat passed away. She lost her routine AND she lost her comfort "object" at the same time, and it almost literally destroyed her. It's been over a year, and she's only just starting to put herself back together, with a new comfort talisman (a dog this time), and starting to get used to new routines... I get the issue, and I get the parents being concerned for the baby, but there has to be a better solution. What they're suggesting is essentially equivalent to telling a paraplegic older child "Hey, we need to get rid of your wheelchair, because there's a risk it might run over the baby." My impression is the OP needs that cat, and worse, it was specifically given as a method of coping, so not only did it DEVELOP to be such a thing, the parents are essentially playing a game of "Here, lean on this to help you. Oh, you need it now? Great, we'll pull it out from under you."

[@justinbullock6042]

I watched my brother suffer from severe cat allergies, and putting that on a less than one year old is absolutely cruel. The cat is gonna die. Op is gonna have to cope without the cat one day either way. She's seventeen. She can learn to handle her emotions better than a baby can overcome breathing and skin reactions due to an allergy out of their control.

[@meowbird404]

@@justinbullock6042 bro tf is wrong with you? A lot of neurodivergent people physically need something to comfort them in difficult situations (animal included). Op doesn’t need to learn to “cope” since the cat IS their way of coping. They were abandoned by their parents for nearly 15 years and were eventually brought back into their life at the same time as a new baby. Allergies suck, I completely understand that, but so does not having a thing that brings great emotional comfort. The best in this situation would be to separate the baby and cat without removing the cat from it’s job as an emotional service animal. If the kid even has allergies, like the people in the post mentioned. God, you telling the op to “handle their emotions better” is like telling someone in a wheelchair to “just get up and walk”

[@justinbullock6042]

@@meowbird404 You've never experienced cat allergies obviously. You realize allergies are a serious medical condition, you can adjust and gain new coping mechanisms.

[@meowbird404]

@@justinbullock6042 I’ve never experienced cat allergies myself, sure, but I have (and still do) deal with heavy emotional issues that cause me to rely on an animal. Do I want anyone to be forced to deal with heavy allergies? Hell no, but taking away a healthy coping mechanism for a child in clear emotional distress is just as terrible. You do understand that things like what OP is dealing with is also a serious medical condition? An animal is one of the best coping mechanisms. There are so many other “coping” mechanisms that are much worse and could result in serious damage to the OP if they go through with them instead. OP’s parents were absent for 15 years before taking in OP with the cat that has been shown to help after their abandonment. Now the cat (which the parents got registered as a emotional service animal) is OP’s reliance. Now the parents want to take away the cat because their new baby is allergic. I don’t think the baby should deal with the allergy, yes, but you also can’t take away a necessary medical treatment like an ESA. The parents would just be retraumatizing the OP if they take the medically-necessary, therapist supported emotional support cat. It’s obvious you don’t understand mental health.

[@justinbullock6042]

@@meowbird404 You think difficult to cope with emotions is the same thing as constant lung and skin inflammation? The scar tissue built up in that baby's lungs from the constant allergic reactions? That doesn't take precedence over a teenager learning a new coping mechanism? You realize the constant lung inflammation will cause a lack of oxygen that can cause growth stunts and cancer? So a teenager can have her cat to make her hard feelings go away.

[@bluejaywoman3421]

Lady Boss story: she didn't steal her leadership role in the family business. She earned it with hard work, while her bother do anything to earn it.

[@starbird3939]

Story 1 - YTA The mom sounds more like a “bigot”.

[@hwangbigdong]

if the roles were reversed on the dressing up story it would be a nta and a bunch of "don't let him control you girl!".

[@CatNagTaylorsVersion]

Second story:NTA call his a** out on it and you did everything right

[@jenniferg3939]

"Hey Mate? We have a problem with your erectile dysfunction papers over here. Sir!!"..😂🤣

[@jalexoneschanel1356]

The dog story is one of MANY reasons I don’t take any of my dog’s to parks. I have a 6 month old intact female that I’m planning to spay around 8-10 months of age- right before her first heat. I don’t want to risk her getting attacked, or being impregnated as she gets closer to maturity. And there ARE ‘dog abortions’. Many vets WILL spay pregnant dogs early on in the pregnancy, but depending on how far along the pups are it may be too high risk. Early, though, it just costs a little more.

[@lostseeker88]

Yeah for all of the above and in my area the dog parks are ran by the county and if you get caught with an unlicensed dog which you can’t get a dog license if they are intact you will get ticketed and if you fail to get the animal fixed within a few months it’s a huge fine.

[@andreachristensen5383]

There's no such thing as 100% job security lol

[@LisaSmyth68]

After having my Daughter, My Two wk check-up was upon me!.. I had all the normal checks etc. I had a good chat with my Doctor about contraception, I wanted to be covered when the six wk period of "No No" Naughtiness, Was over! Fast forward, I asked receptionist to make me an app, She asked why, Being shy I told her, She refused?? I said excuse me your not my Doctor and It's not your choice to make! (My Doc owned the practice)! This awful woman was loud, The surgery was packed, I was being stared at by all.. "I could have Died".. Enter my Doc hearing the commotion, from his office! I was shaking, upset and now crying!.. He asked what was wrong, I explained our request, I told him she refused my app. And totally embarrassed me! I was made a cuppa to calm down, Whilst she was taken into a room.. I left before she came back to reception.. Turns out she was sacked!... Quite right too!.. I may have been a young married mother, But was far from stupid.. I was being responsible!..

[@gordonwilloughby8793]

For the husband that came home exhausted surprising a spouse. Surprising someone that way is a recipe for disaster especially when the spouse is likely to be tired after a days work. After all You could have just as easily paid for a special planned date that couldn't be canceled after she put in all the time to prepare a meal for you. Surprises like that frequently collide with other plans. much better to make plans for a night when you are both prepared on an evening when neither of you are so tired so you can both enjoy the evening. Maybe you could arrange to come home early that night so you wouldn't be so tired. Even if you can't it is better to know rather than be surprised giving you a chance to prepare mentally instead of having a plan to relax and sleep.

[@debrasedgwick4697]

I was so surprised that so many people said that he was the AH. I feel that if they had traded the genders, ie. the man came home early to surprise the woman and expected her to get all dressed up to eat dinner at home. People would have called him the AH. "Why should he expect his wife to get all dressed up with she just got out of working 12+hours. He should have had a bath running for her with her most comfortable clothes all ready for her." My sister lives with me and my daughter and I cannot count how many times, especially during this global issue, that when one of us have come home exhausted that the other has either made dinner or gone out for take-out. I agree that all his wife had to do was send him a message asking if he was up for getting dressed up and maybe going out, or just having a fancy dinner at home.

[@caxtillo9876]

Honestly, I agree. I thought it was ridiculous that everyone called him an a-hole just because he was exhausted and didn't dress up . Do people not understand how exhausting it can feel coming home from a long shift? I know I do; sometimes I don't change out of my uniform right away, let alone want to dress up especially for a dinner at home. I get the wife wanted to do a special dinner, but she also has to understand her husband is exhausted from work and needs to relax a bit. Anyways it definitely would be better to plan something next time.

[@Makeupbyren93]

That’s because it doesn’t take most men a long time to dress up where as with women it usually involves hair makeup and outfit. It usually takes my husband 15-20 min max to shower throw on a nice outfit spray some cologne and get going. It takes me almost 2 hours to be fully ready. It literally would’ve only cost this guy 20 min of his time to make his wife happy which is why it comes off as insensitive.

[@KazumiKiguma]

@@Makeupbyren93 Ah yes because "its even worse for me" is always a great argument. It doesn't matter, if you're exhausted, you're exhausted. The lack of empathy for your spouse is honestly a red flag for a relationship.

[@KazumiKiguma]

Agreed, but we can take it a bit further with some of the context given as well. Anyone who's known someone pregnant probably knows the soup of hormones makes them do things they don't normally do, act in ways that isn't the usual, etc. OP says she never does this sort of thing, so it's likely she had a thought of it being super romantic without thinking that he might just want to come home and relax after 12 hours of physical labor. That mightve been the normal thinking for her without the hormones amplifying the thought. Furthermore, she may have also been less hurt by his less effort under normal circumstances. The fact she cried instead of just being upset, and cried during their follow-up talk, helps reinforce this idea imo. I'm an emotional person with anxiety who overthinks a lot, so I can easily see how she'd feel like he doesn't care if those thoughts creep in and spiral out of control, but in the end, it's still overthinking. Alternatively there could be more issues in the relationship that arent being talked about. We do only get a tiny nugget of info afterall. Also, the people saying he changed clothes anyway? Remember it means he'll also have to change clothes again after unless you're expecting him to relax in those which tend to not be for relaxing.

[@robertsacks7995]

As a kid who was raised Jewish in a blended Catholic and Jewish family, I wish I had somebody who could teach me Yiddish. Grandma and Grandpa never taught my dad and so I never had anyone to learn from by the time I was interested. Catholics (and other monotheistic denominations) often lack the perspective of someone whose family and culture have been persecuted for the last few hundred years - it is very important to most Jewish folks to pass on their heritage because there are so few of us left.

[@SoddenVenus]

The first story really feels like 100% jealously. It is even more blatant as the first issue they bring up has to do with the fact that the daughter would call her Ex's partner dad and not hers. Definitely YTA.

[@ruthhenderson5413]

Maybe a combination of jealousy, homophobia and antisemitism, the latter two of which could be due to her "conservative Christian" upbringing.

[@variousblack7922]

Unpopular opinion the guy who put on sweats isn't an a-hole. He'd spent 12 hours doing physical labor and just wanted to get comfortable yes dress clothes wouldn't take much effort but neither would a heads up from the wife if she expected him to play dress up with her or respond in a way she expected the clothes didn't make the food taste any different and I completely understand him just wanting to get comfortable and eat would have been nice if she dressed up for him and not with him they could have had a good dinner with him complimenting how good she looked

[@BaraBara8675309]

I really enjoy listening to your channel but I got to say I really disappointed in the YTA for the father not wanting to pay for the daughters college. The daughter has done nothing to keep a relationship with her father yet she should still get all the family perks cause of blood ties? No way! True OP saved up money with the purpose for his children’s education but that is still their money at the end of the day. If he feels that he’s being used as a wallet rather than a father then by all means close the purse strings! If his daughter realizes her mistake and decides to actually be a part of his life again then he could easily take that money and pay off her student loans.

[@toomanyhungrycats0554]

Youd think the smell of the chew spray would stop her first. Im autistic and growing up we'd use a no chew spray on our furniture for the cats and i couldn't even sit on the furniture because the smell was horrible

[@krazycats564]

Wasn't he expecting to come home and cook dinner anyway? He can use that energy

[@JayeEllis]

As long as the no chew dog spray is not harmful to humans, it seems like a good way to teach consequences when a boundary is crossed. When we were young, my brother liked to do the licking thing... Right up until I rubbed some liquid soap on my arm and he got a mouthful. My Mom praised my ingenuity.

[@kanepain0819]

With the added context of outing a cheater. NTA

[@panicwithcompulsion]

Story 1: Slight YTA. I feel bad for her. She seems to still be holding onto some resentment from the divorce, which is understandable. Her husband was living a lie for 10 years. Every time they had sex or said I love you, it was a lie he told. Then he has an emotional affair with a coworker and leaves her for that person.. I would also feel bitter that the person my husband left me for had a better relationship with my kid than my partner. It doesn't feel fair or just for this person to just slide right into your lives and you have to swallow those feelings and play nice for your kids sake. I'm not sure I could handle it well either. But slight YTA for not realizing that this is a good thing for your kid to have more family, more love, and new experiences. But seriously.. I completely get why she would be bitter that her kid is following around this person like a little duckling. :/

[@dianeghazaryan4773]

honestly? her fault for allowing the ex into her kids life

[@panicwithcompulsion]

@@dianeghazaryan4773 What? He's their dad. You can't really just take away someone's kids because they cheated. Cheating has nothing to do with parental rights. And she also has no say in what the ex does in his new love life. She's honestly just trapped in a shitty situation unless she wants to attempt to tear her kids away from their dad. And the kids are old enough to know what she is doing and would hate her for it. :/ There is no winning for OP in this situation. She got screwed over royally.

[@RockLikeAStone]

The licking one. People do something like this to kids who won’t stop thumb sucking and a therapist would likely agree with this method

[@mirror2760]

I'm sorry but #3 is NTA. Sarah said "Remind me never to make an effort again" I mean talk about manipulative and guilt tripping. And I feel like if the roles were reversed and it was a woman coming home from a 12 hr shift then people would be giving the bf/husband grief for being so demanding and claiming that he didn't it out of love but to gain something. People would be saying that it's a red flag about the Bf/husband and telling the girl to leave or something.

[@gordonwilloughby8793]

For the cat situation. Maybe I missed something but parents may have wanted op to take care of the baby. Maybe even agreed to take op in to take care of the baby. May have said the baby was allergic to the cat when it wasn't to get rid of the cat so op would feel lonely and take care of the baby. Hard to know for sure what parents reasons were without more info but op might find out real quick if they took the cat and moved out. If parents threw a fit thir actions would explain a lot.

[@Reality_TV]

22:06: No! The dad in this story isn't a martyr! Kids can and do cut their parents off sometimes for the wrong reasons. Lauren didn't want any connection with her father, yet, when she needs money, she wants to use him? No! You don't get to mistreat people, even your parents, and have it be OK. If you don't like a person, why would you want their money? Parents aren't punching bags! If you don't care about a parent, then don't expect them to pay for things you want once you are grown! Don't be a user! Be consistent! Don't mistreat someone and then get mad when they don't let you use them! Her father didn't just dump her! He loved her, but she cut HIM off!

[@ianemery2925]

Ré Hippa, the UK has even tougher rules, the rules not to share personal info are drilled into you in annual mandatory training course; this would be a gross misconduct case, requiring either dismissal, or final written warning.

[@bluejaywoman3421]

OP is also fixated on gender roles. Fatherly. Motherly. Can't they just be parents? As much as Jim isn't the child's parent, Nick is not either. I wonder if in her household she has delegated the discipline role to Nick instead of sharing it. If so, it is her fault that Nick is not the fun parent. All 4 adults have to be on the same page in regards to discipline, that will eliminate the fun parent problem.

[@maryfrancesobrien2420]

dad/daughter: yta she was raised with the knowledge/expectation of this college fund... your son got his, reinforcing the expectation. did op involve himself actively in her life? or just expect her to mesh with his life and hobbies?

[@carrissa8867]

The Muslim girl and the restaurant story does it make anyone else super happy to hear of a dad and brother that see that change is needed when it comes to cultural sexism

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

Going to go against the grain, here, but; Dressing Up OP, NTAH. The date was not pre-arranged, she kind of blindsided him, she didn't actually express her expectations in advance + then not _completely_ even at the time, & he was touched by her effort, but kind of tired + out of it. Her response of the passive-aggressive flounce was immature + unhelpful, & bawling in the spare room was totally out of proportion to his actual "crime". On top of all that, when he tried to reach out, she pushed him away, & is still frosty towards him. Damn, I am exhausted just reading about that. It seems like *she* had an idea, *she* decided it was going to happen, *she* did not share her plans w. him + then when he didn't read her mind, & *she* didn't communicate at all _until the middle of the actual situation_ + even _then_ wasn't express about how important it was to her, *she* got angry + hurt out of all proportion & felt morally righteous to punish him. That is some dry aged, grass fed, A-grade quality bullshit, right there. OP, you fumbled the situation, for sure, but she is definitely the one who's being TAH about it.

[@BootyCrusader]

I disagree. The wife put in a lot of effort for her husband to make a nice surprise. For him. The least he could do is put in the BARE MINIMUM as a show of gratitude that he at least understands her feelings. Throw on a dress shirt and slacks, it takes only a few seconds longer than a track suit… and really, even a tshirt and jeans would have been better than a FREAKING TRACK SUIT.

[@mysterylovescompany2657]

@@BootyCrusader the bare minimum was to say thank you, which he did. If it was me, I would have gotten changed, but I also have had those days when I've gotten home completely inside-out + all I want is to put on something soft, so I totally understand why he made the choice he did. And I'm willing to bet that if she had actually _said_ to him, "Please, it's important to me," he would have done it. But she didn't.

[@peach4246]

@@BootyCrusader this was supposed to be a "surprise for him" and she's still making him spin around and do tricks like a dog? If this was a mutual thing, then inform him so he can be in on it. Dont be surprised when he doesn't do exactly what you wanted without you telling him. He was going up to get changed anyway you could've said a simple "wear something nice before you get back down" or something. He's not psychic lol

[@pigy190]

​@@BootyCrusader She put in a lot of effort FOR HERSELF. This was 0% about him. When my husband works 12 hr shifts fixing planes, effort for a surprise is: having a hot shower going as soon as he walks in the door and a hot meal and letting him collapse without having to worry about anything, including childcare. Not making him dance around dressing up for a date he wasn't prepared for. If she wants a proper date, she can plan it with him like an adult and they can both take the time.

[@MoniB888]

Absolutely agreed. Doing something "nice" for someone not only requires no expectations tied to them, but also no action on their part. This was for her more than for him. When my mind is switched to "relax after a super long work day mode", it would be incredibly difficult to switch into "more shit to do" mode. I also hate surprises and anyone who cares about me knows that. If they like surprises and/or surprising, then there are work-arounds, like days off, or saying don't make plans for this certain evening, so I can get my headspace around it. If roles were reversed, she'd be considered 'a controlling asshole who isn't considering his wife's feelings'.

[@isaiahcameron7897]

Story 1: I’m Jewish. Adoption is a HUGE thing in our culture. It’s one of the biggest services you can do for your family, because the kids you adopt ARE your family. That woman is a horrible human being and a terrible mother.

[@krystalfloods6197]

I don’t think he’s an asshole for wanting her to leave at all. The only reason he married her mom was because she was sick and needed his insurance. They only lived together a short time before she passed away. If anything I think it’s weird she expects to still live with him for free and contribute nothing.

[@summersands8105]

Dogo Preggo - no contract with the Shepard's owner, no money...sorry for their tough luck...LOL

[@kittykat65]

I have a special needs child & when they were younger for what ever reason he started going up to other kids and pushing them no matter how much I talked to him grounded him explained pleaded for him to stop he just wouldn't stop🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ I explained to him that if he does that to the wrong person will kid the kid may Jack him up and it the kids parents may press charges against him. Well one day we're at the store he see this other boy and yep befor I could respond he pushed the kid & had a big can of whoop a$$ opened up on to him what happened he stopped going up to other kids putting hands onto them.

[@kristinwiebold2433]

I agree report the secretary. They shouldn't announce what health thing your getting done.

[@mariequeerie4645]

37:09 I used to suck my thumb as a child. And I did end up doing so until 3rd grade when my dentist put a grate in my mouth to make me stop. But before that, my parents did use Apple Yuck on me (the deterrent spray) to help me stop. It didn’t work because I sucked through it, but it was used and was honestly not a big deal

[@stampandscrap7494]

When I was pregnant I horrendously craved pickles. I was the only one in the house and couldn't open a brand new pickled Gerkin jar, only pickles in the house. I tried to ooen that jar for hours, in tears for most of them.

[@agathaunderwood2172]

My parents let my brother steal from me and the family for years on end. They never got on his ass and taught him not to steal. Instead they would give him a lecture. Nothing else. Evenutally all the bedrooms got locks ,because he wouldn't stop stealing. If I accidently left my bedroom door unlocked and he went in and stole from me it was my fault for leaving my room unlocked and leaving the item out in the open. Its hard to have anything i actually like ,because its never truly mine. At any moment it can be taken. And no it wont be replaced. Once its gone thats it. Even if I moved out I probably will still have a lock to my bedroom door. I am too used to it now.

[@cchastant8251]

32:11 It wouldn't need to be anti-chew/lick spray. There are other things she could coat her arms with, and still taste "foul" in some manner. I use mint oil on my skin to help with joint issues, and it's good for other reasons as well... many others. But I've accidentally licked where the spray went further than I intended, and it's not pleasant when fresh, and takes a few hours to fade enough that you won't taste some. The point is picking something that won't be harmful to the licker you wish to discourage. OP seems to have made a wise choice, and her dad and stepmom are fools if they don't try the same. I agree 100% on the, "What happens when she's 30 and her parents aren't around anymore?" Her parents, even while they live, can't ALWAYS be around to try forcing everyone else to endure the shudder-worthy behavior of OP's stepsister. Unless they've retired, they have to go to work. Go out to do shopping. Need time away from the stepsister, to recharge themselves to continue caring for their special needs child. They are hobbling themselves by not using things that work, when other things they've tried clearly have not worked. Are they trying to find ways for the stepdaughter to drive everyone else away? Because, that can work. I bet it already works. "Oh, and if you come over, don't mind my daughter licking you. We'll pull her off ASAP!" Yeah, if warned before, I'd find a reason to not make it. If they let her lick me first, THEN told me? I'd leave then, and never return to their home, or anywhere I knew that daughter would be. I do NOT like to be licked randomly, either.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

I will tell a little secret, this spray has the same ingrediënts as dettol desinfectant. It is quit harmless bodywash, you can buy it in every drugstore. Use this as soap and you will see the same effect. Put some soapdispencers at your fathers house, saying it is desinfectantsoap becourse she licks people. They will use it and so the licking wil end soon. My mother used this trick when i was a young tumbsucker.

[@toomanyhungrycats0554]

I have food paranoia because my mom would count food and scream at me for being extra hungry at dinner because the medication i was taking would make me too sick to eat during the day.

[@Dohyden2]

"He doesn't get to be the fun parent, he's the only one who can be the father figure"

[@RTJames-gq9xg]

Story baby vs kitten. Awww. The pediatrician weighs in! Amen. Parents are full of BS. Ps - the baby can be isolated from areas of kitten. Meaning OP can have a peaceful life where her kitten and her enjoy her room and then OP shows her kitten about “outdoor” life (on a leash and walking or traveling w OP on adventures (as long as kitten is k). ). End of day, medically, most {not ALL} babies do not present allergies that early. This is a BS move by “parents”

[@bluejaywoman3421]

Folks should not ask questions they don't want the answers too... sadly I have no advice, except that I would never be in a relationship with someone who does not respect my beliefs.

[@ernestmarshall5846]

Alot of the first story seems doctored or manipulated. But lets be honest people, if your spouse left you for another person and then your own kid treats the spouse and partner who caused your divorce as their real family while treating you coldly, you would be pissed. And each time your kid comes back and only wants to talk about how great the partner who spouse left you for is, you would not be happy at all. This reminds me of that story where that op talks about how sister was dad’s favorite but she started treating moms affair partner and new husband as her primary dad and then went crazy when her real dad cut her off. All the responders took sides with the dad and condemned the daughter for betraying her bio dad the way she did.

[@gabriellesummers1426]

I'm indigenous and when my ex husbands daughter moved in with us from his mother's house she had something against no shoes. In my house I took care of her and when me and my daughter started growing a bond. She hated covering her feet all the time. I told her it is not a rule in my house. Naked feet were cool. Her grandmother lost it when she came to visit oh and when she found out it was just fine I kept my floors clean so not a thing just keep your feet clean so you don't have an issue

[@susanyoung5447]

My little brother is allergic to cats. However as a baby and toddler, his father's cat slept with and on him. No problems at all. OP's parents are probably at fault here. I'd check with the pediatrician first.

[@theresaschuebel5151]

I think it's wrong to have that sweet girl be forced to get rid of het cats, the one thing that makes it easy to get by day to day.

[@Roedygr]

SETTING BOUNDARIES: You can't just impose new boundaries. You have to negotiate them. 1. in the courts 2. with a negotiator. 3. face to face