Video Game Addicted Friend Wants To ABANDON HER CHILD r/Relationships

[@RPGPaenda]

i love the comment saying “you shouldn’t get involved because it’s not your kid. only get involved if they’re being abused, neglected, or beaten.” like…. the kid WAS being abused and neglected? the bare minimum for a four year old isn’t enough for them-and being made to sit in a corner and play a game all day/night isn’t healthy for a child that young.

[@raymondjohnson2744]

Ikr. There's a difference between nitpicking and speaking up about legitimate concerns.

[@Tim85-y2q]

Arguably yes, but the reality is that as long as it's not reaching the level of legal neglect, there's nothing anyone else can do about it. There's a ton of things some parents do that other people may find questionable, but as long as they're providing the minimum standard of basic parental care the law requires and not crossing the line as to what the law considers abusive, that's their prerogative. It sucks sometimes when you have to stand on the sidelines and watch a situation like that, but it is what it is. The most OP can do is be ready to step in when and if things do cross one of those lines but as the update shows, getting that deeply involved has its own complications. Unfortunately, not every kid gets a happy, well adjusted childhood and sometimes there's nothing to be done about it.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

@@Tim85-y2q emotional neglect is a real thing

[@Tim85-y2q]

@@piiinkDeluxe I'm not saying it isn't, but it's not necessarily something widely recognized by the law.

[@ezra2701]

That comment that was telling OP to not judge the parenting because the kid “has necessities” and “isn’t being beaten” dude, kids also need love and attention. They aren’t goldfish. Either spend REAL time with you kid or don’t have kids.

[@astrovalleyzone7140]

I think it’s more of, if the kid isn’t being beaten and has the base necessities, then there isn’t anything that cps or any authorities could do. It’s sad but that’s how it is

[@piiinkDeluxe]

@@astrovalleyzone7140 emotional neglect is a real thing

[@Can_think_of_a_name]

@@astrovalleyzone7140 Those aren't the only things CPS care about...

[@astrovalleyzone7140]

@@piiinkDeluxe it is! But cps wouldn’t care as long as the child isn’t dying

[@astrovalleyzone7140]

@@Can_think_of_a_name one would hope….

[@lilfairykiki122]

The “if you don’t have a child you have no right to tell someone how to parent. Mind your own business” people always piss me off. OP said they could hear the child crying about being hungry in the background while their mom tells them she has to Finnish her game first. Also i love gaming but it’s easy to lose track of time and it sounds like the mom just logs on straight after work and is probably on for hours. Op has every right to be concerned about a kid, just because you can pop one out dosnt mean you know how or are even qualified to be a parent. Minding your own business when kids are being neglected is only enabling the parents and hurting the child. Kids require attention, a four year older should be stuck in a corner gaming while the parents ignore them. Geez.

[@niyablake]

makes you wonder if the person is human

[@BigFishSmolPond]

100% agree. I’m not a dog owner but I know when someone is abusing a dog. You don’t have to be a parent to recognise abuse. It’s just human to know when another human isn’t being treated right.

[@xelectrix]

And then it turns out OP does have a kid. Also, just because I don't have a kid doesn't mean I don't have empathy for them. Also, I remember being a kid and being ignore by my parents so...

[@megmoody3450]

there's a girl I play GTA with (shes not directly my friend but part of the group and shows up in the party) her child is out of control and it's not the child's fault at all...her mom cusses her out constantly when we are playing games..girl doesn't even mute herself. you hear things like "God you're so f***** annoying" "you're such a little A-hole" and other awful things...the kids only 3. I feel like she's constantly like "can't you see how much of an inconvenience you are to me?!"...and to make matters worse, she's pregnant, so there will be another kid soon...so I'm sure that 3 old is gonna be even less of a priority then she already is. I have wanted to speak up against her so many times but Im one of the only people in the group who doesn't have kids...and no one else has spoken up against her...so I'm worried if I do, I'm gonna get the line of "you don't have kids so you don't understand". I love video games, I could play all day long..but I could never imagine putting a game before my child, and I don't understand why people think you need to have kids in order to make an observation about bad parenting 😑

[@Nikki_81]

Well said! I also believe in the whole, just because you have a child doesn't mean your advice is "golden"! Just because we have the ability to have children does not mean all people are made to be parents!

[@Ash-kp8rt]

The "you can't tell people how to parent" only applies to things that aren't destroying a life, such as what clothing to wear, hairstyle, etc. This however is abuse. Video game addiction is a real addiction. The best way to put it is it's similar to gambling and gives a similar high to heroin. That child is being neglected and her friend needs help.- mental health worker

[@thaypiafmarques]

THANK YOU!!

[@emilybarclay8831]

You can’t tell people how to parent, but this woman ISNT parenting. She’s abusing and neglecting her kid. You absolutely can tell someone to stop abusing their child

[@thaypiafmarques]

@@emilybarclay8831 EXACTLY!!

[@Ash-kp8rt]

@@emilybarclay8831 yep!

[@rebel1612]

@@emilybarclay8831 yes!

[@OD1261]

I looked up the Reddit account for OP, and, well....... It's been 10 months since the original post, 8 months since the second post, and the dog story fell in between them. She's got kids, one four year old that she's now in custody of, pregnant with another, got a new dog, and might have to find a new place to live. It's been 8 months and no word from OP, but it's safe to say that her life is a stress bucket right now.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

No kidding. I hope she updates again one day once things settle down.

[@piiinkDeluxe]

thanks for the info

[@Emily-ck9ji]

Wow. How much drama does one family need? I feel so sorry for that poor little girl. The fact that OP got legal custody of her friend's daughter even though there was other family around is sad. Whoever suggested that it might have happened because the birth mother abandoned her child or worse is probably on the right track. The OP seemed to imply there was more going on behind the scenes as well. Hopefully now that child will be able to grow up in a more secure environment now that she's with people who will care for her.

[@TheLugiaSong]

What's with this "Don't tell others how to parent" bullcrap? I've always hated this sentiment! If someone is in charge of looking after child, they _absolutely_ should be scrutinized, that is a living child they are looking after!

[@niyablake]

yep, like you are suppose just ignore abuse, mistreament

[@robertx8020]

@@niyablake so sad :( But there are more parents like this

[@robertx8020]

right?

[@littleblackpistol]

Exactly, and you don't need to have kids yourself to understand when someone is neglecting or abusing their children.

[@robertx8020]

@@littleblackpistol And I'm not a woman so if a woman is raped then I can't judge ...and if I see how an apartement buidling is op fire then I should not call 911 because hos should I judge if such a building is on fire as I don't live in an apartment building ...yes if we use that BS logic on everything then the world would be a madhouse

[@grecia3146]

Saying ''you can't tell people how to parent'' in this case is awful, that mom has a videogame addiction, just because it's not as evident like a alcohol or drug addiction it doesn't make it any less bad. That WILL let negative effects on that kid. I'm saying this as someone who also likes videogames.

[@thorveim1174]

Yup. im arguably a gaming addict too, but even I know that a very young kid typically doesn't WANT to sit in front of a game all day and would be better off discovering whats outside regardless.

[@gdog2001able]

Story 1: the parent is emotionally neglecting the child, neglect doesnt have to be not giving them food etc, it can be emotional neglect as well

[@Sydney_With_A_Why]

Nobody's telling anybody HOW to parent, they're telling them TO PARENT. AT ALL. ANYTHING?

[@arianebolt1575]

Telling them how to parent, no. Telling them how NOT to parent...

[@vivifoxysdaughterandchild544]

The replies to the first Reddit story really show how people still have a narrow view of what counts as child abuse. Even if she's not beating them, screaming at them and still giving them basic necessities, she's still neglecting her child so she could satisfy her gaming addiction. Believe it or not, parenting is a 24/7 job. In addition to providing for the kid, you also have to interact and bond with them to help with their social, emotional and possibly mental development. So yeah, Op has every right to judge because this friend is hurting her kid in the long run. Also the fact that these Redditors seemed to miss a clear example of this kid's neglect is concerning.

[@mr.monotone1908]

Remember, this is r/relationship_advice, so that means 2 comments 1.Shitty advice 2.People who call out everyone for a hivemind because they think they are all high and mighty.

[@kuehnerthanyou3409]

God this post hit close to home. After my dad died my mom got super into fps and would spend all her free time on xbox talking to her Halo/COD friends. I remember feeling terrible for asking for dinner or homework help and interupting her game. She would sigh and talk poorly about me as if I weren't there, and then as soon as the headset was off it was like nothing ever happened and she'd go right back to normal. I wish someone had intervened, because even though I was 11 that shit still really messed me up, and I cant imagine feeling like such a burden and inconvenience at such a young age. I hope that little girl is doing well

[@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon]

That poor little girl. I had an abusive addict for a stepfather during many of my formative years and beyond. I still remember trying to get his affection by being interested in what he was playing, and sometimes it would work. He let me sit in his lap while he played FF7, and named a character after me... who died at the end. (You know the scene.) Anyway, I just remember that oppressive sense of isolation, frustration, and feeling like there must be something wrong with *ME* for either wanting attention or for not being worthy of it. To this day I don't like playing video games, but I do enjoy watching others play them. I get too nervous and stressed as a player, afraid that I'll mess up somehow, and I just realized how directly that is tied to my experience with the abusive game‐addict father figure. If I messed up the world was, figuratively, over, and that fear has stayed there, buried, all of these years. And this is all while having a mother that actually gave a damn, so this little girl has been through it x2. Poor baby 😢

[@owl7072]

Story 1: Op: I could hear her in the background saying she's hungry and wants breakfast and my friend told her to wait The comments: You shouldn't be telling other people how to parent!!!1!! You should only step in if they're being abused or neglected!!!!!!1!!!!!!!1!!!! Mind your business unless you have your own kids!!!!!! The child: _literally isn't being fed properly and is actively ignored in favor of video games_ The comments: I pretend I do not see it Reddit gain reading comprehension challenge /hj Edit: I love (/s) how the standard is "is she being beaten? No? Then she's fine 😒" like wow, this is why people don't come forward about abuse. We're setting a stupid false narrative that unless you're being beaten your life is fine and you should just suck it up.

[@littleblackpistol]

Those comments likely come from equally incompetent and lazy redditors with kids.

[@tamsel814]

Sadly I even encountered kids with such attitudes. I suspect that they were just copying their parents. But anyway, it hard enough to cone forward about abuse as it is. If an abused person encounters such a reply I can actually prevent them from telling others and getting the abused stopped.

[@J_e_s_s]

I just watched a video yesterday where a man had let friends/family (idr) take his kids to some fish hatchery and then the people decided to go on a hike without telling dad and the little boy went missing and wasn't found alive. I really summed it up poorly, lol. Firm believer of keeping my kid with me. And any kid I have legal custody of is mine. Blood or no blood, that's my baby.

[@meadowsong8560]

I think I’ve seen that one. It was like on a Mission 411 documentary? Or at the least very similar situation.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I remember that case. How heartbreaking. As overprotective as I am about my cat, I know I would be even more of a mama bear with a human child.

[@donniejefferson9554]

If I'm remembering right, that case was pretty weird. They weren't even friends or family that he handed the kid to. It was a random group pf people who happened to be at the same camp site as him. Honestly the dude comes off like he's, at best, a horribly irresponsible parent

[@J_e_s_s]

@@audreym3908 The Strange Case of Jaryd Adatero by Dark Curiosities was the video I watched.

[@zerobolt9506]

Everything went crazy in that story EVERYTHING

[@ED-fo1pe]

This story seriously breaks my heart. They should adopt her. Those parents don’t deserve her.

[@SilverMaychan]

Those 'parents ' don't want her. I hate it when people don't think about what it takes to raise a kid or don't really want one.... and then have one.

[@ED-fo1pe]

@@SilverMaychan There are too many people having kids that really should never be parents. Its super sad.

[@gabrielaranna5809]

My parents had me and my brother because "it was expected", but none of them was fit for it or really wanted to give up some of their interests and careers for us. Unfortunately my mother died when we are 5 and 3, and my father was emotionally and responsibly absent, leaving us with the grandparents and letting our truly evil stepmother abuse us (particularly my younger brother). The result is: neither my brother or me have kids or wish to have them in the future. People unfit to have kids, but that decided to have them regardless hurt and traumatise lot of other people. It is extremely selfish and egotistical to gave kids "just because" and don't consider the kids' life quality and future trauma.

[@ttrev007]

They don't sound addicted to video games. They sound like they just don't care about their daughter to do enough stop doing what they consider to be fun.

[@PonderingStudent]

I think it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation. They hate parenting, so they play video games to escape from their reality. The situation probably began with the parents using games as a coping mechanism. They can immerse themselves in other worlds instead of focusing on the real one, they can get the endorphin high games give and temporarily forget about how much they dislike their actual lives. They could have chosen to work on changing their lives to make them more bearable for everyone, their daughter included, but instead they became so absorbed in their "coping mechanism" that it started to take up ALL their time. They actively let their reality and their daughter's life get even worse because they couldn't or wouldn't leave the "alternative reality" games offered. I agree that the parents don't care about their daughter, but think it's less of a case of being unwilling to stop doing something "fun," rather one of not loving their daughter enough to recognise that, even if parenting made them miserable, it still needed to be done. If it hadn't been games, I suspect they'd have found something else to bury themselves in, rather than be a parent - something that they didn't enjoy. I think the parents initially turned to games because they were unhappy and, while they were playing them, games made them happy. At the point where it took over their entire lives then that seems to me to be an addiction. OP only mentions this in passing, but it sounds like the parents were also neglecting their own needs (not cooking meals for themselves, not doing housework, losing large amounts of sleep) as well as their daughters. Of course, unlike their daughter's situation, them neglecting themselves is their choice and soley their own business, but I mention it because pursuing something (anything - drugs, gambling, whatever else) to the point where it has an adverse effect on basic self-care is one of the major defining factors of an addiction.

[@thorveim1174]

As a gaming addict myself, i realise all too well how tempting it is to tag "it can wait" on, well, almost anything. I really think that couple getting a child was a mistake, and the dad KNEW that.

[@wolfwhistlewoowoo6297]

Awwwh, this OP and family are such good people. Big prayers that all will be well for you, your hubby, your kids, and your new pup. I pray all living situations will be easily taken care of and that you all are secure, protected, and happy.

[@somerandoonyt9553]

The AITA post. Pets are allowed in accordance to the lease. In that case, I say NTA. While, yes, it's common courtesy to let them know, but if the lease allows it, land lord can't be upset about a pet, not with out an agreed change of lease agreement.

[@RosesTeaAndASD]

I'm very concerned about what changed for OP to suddenly have the 4 year old instead of her friend given that she refused her friend and even stopped her palming the daughter off to another relative. I hope that little girl was not harmed in any way. There's visitation happening with the mother by the sounds of it, but OPs friend seems to be behaving in a very concerning manner which is not good for the daughters wellbeing. Then that last update... Eviction was NOT something else they needed.

[@rebeccavaughn8897]

I think little girl is now a ward of the state. CPS stepped in and took the kid. They probably asked Sister and Sister probably directed them to Op. So Op got her. Best this way. Op will get money from the state to care for her and authority to make medical and educational decisions. While Friend won’t get her back until she can prove to a judge that she’s competent (which looks like never).

[@raayvenwolfgirl5539]

I find that either way it was the best outcome. Growing up in the system is horrible. The wards are often abused by staff (with no recourse to be safe.. I know the guy that didn't take "Please stop touching me" as an answer got a promotion while I was there.) Not to mention, there is an unhealthy amount of Foster parents that just foster for the income. But hey. I learned valuable skills at least... like how to make a martini as a 12 year old, and how to give the best foot massages, and how to bathe in only 2 cups of water. (The valuable skills part of that is sarcasam). Thankfully I got out, but its still a horrid place. Edit to add: The staff member loved to give the female wards "shoulder massages", to "help them relax". Only the female wards... gave me the creeps.

[@PonderingStudent]

I don't think the last "update" was about the same family, its labeled in the video description as a different story. Thankfully.

[@raayvenwolfgirl5539]

@@PonderingStudent Didn't he say they were all from the same author? If not, that poor child... Child services is gonna be so brutal... x.x

[@PonderingStudent]

@@raayvenwolfgirl5539 I meant the bit about STBX-BIL wanting to evict the family. In the video description All the other bits are labelled as "story 1" and updates, the last bit is labelled "story 2."" I was reading the text rather than listening though, so if Markee said they were actually the same OP I would have missed that and I was wrong that they were 2 separate stories. I'm so sorry that you went through everything you did in the system. I know those sort of experiences never really leave anyone, but hope that you are doing OK now in spite of everything you went through. If you want them, hugs from an internet stranger.

[@W0lfscythe]

Story 1: As someone in his early 20's and plays games on a daily basis with breaks in between. I don't have the maturity to raise a child, and neither does the friend and her husband. Story 2: NTA, and the BIL shouldn't bring op and her husband into his drama with his ex.

[@CalemCooper7]

I feel so bad for this family. They’re strong and have been through so much, but life just seems to really want to test them.

[@emillycherryberry2180]

Hopefully the child never figures out what her bio mother said about the situation. I feel this would honestly break her.

[@ttrev007]

If she was given custody then you should refer to the agency who gave them custody to see what their rules are. She may be required one way or another to allow or not allow the visitation.

[@ArthropodJay]

this reminds me of how my parents used to be when I was 5. They'd ignore me and let me sisters bully me while playing WOW all day to escape the fact that they hated each other (dad even tried to get me to pour salt in my moms eyes while she was sleeping.)

[@undeadladybug7723]

Why did OP's friend even bother forcing her husband to have a baby with her when even *she* didn't want to put in the effort?

[@faceofvision]

Have you heard of a societal/cultural/religious pressure for women/married couples to have a kid by a certain age? Then the reality kicks in, add post partum depression and the new element in the marriage and BOOM. They are not the only couple to go through it.

[@Ospyro3em]

wow, what a mess. That poor child

[@Thatspookychick]

Video game addiction is a very real thing, I don't understand why people are down playing it, and I say that as a parent who also plays games. It's literally just a fucking game, you can put it down and walk away because it will still be there later.

[@Lroselovely88]

This was the perfect listen while getting ready for work! Thanks, Markee! 🌸

[@WhitneyDahlin]

wow they should have just tried to take in the daughter LEGALLY. I'm shocked they abandoned her in that environment. EDIT: so glad they did they right thing and at least tried to raise her

[@tugglemiles2991]

When I was in 4th grade my 4 year old cousin lived that year with us so hopefully my Aunt and Uncle get back together. It was a learning curve for us all he started by spitting in his soft drink his 7 brothers would drink it. He turned our to be a good kid.

[@RaspberryHugs]

"Unless the child is being beaten, abused or severely neglected" why do people think complete and total abuse is the ONLY reason a child should be removed from a household. Also the term "severely neglected" doesn't sit right with me because it suggests the writer thinks there's a level of neglect that is acceptable for a child.

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Man I never wanted to fight a commenter more than Fluffy, like I will bury them and that dangerous opinion of theirs.

[@savannahhague4989]

I’d not only take her, I’d report them to CPS and have them arrested just like OP

[@starbird3939]

“You can’t tell people how to parent” A baby DIED because their parents were playing World of Warcraft day in and out. A child was left in a car at sub zero temperatures because her parents wanted to gamble. Video Game addiction is really and if this person needs to worry about caring for her child and seeking therapy.

[@sarahclapp505]

Hope that little girl will be OK ♥️♥️

[@AuntLoopy123]

I'm only about 10 minutes in, so only saw the first update. But I will say this: IF you take the little girl in, even only for a month, or two, make sure they SIGN THE LEGAL PAPERWORK, to make YOU the girl's "temporary" guardian. You will NEED that, in case of emergencies. Also, it will give you the right to make some decisions for her care in everyday things. Make sure you come up with a contract of how much they will pay you for your services of caring for their child. You are NOT adopting her. You are BABYSITTING her. When I was young, I babysat for a family for a week or two, while the parents went on a necessary trip. THEY were the ones who taught me about Power of Attorney and temporary guardianship. I already knew about being paid for my labor (and expenses, because the child WILL have expenses, including extra food, water, electricity at the absolute minimum). Make sure the parents commit to taking care of their child properly, EVEN in their absence, by getting ALL the legal requirements and financial requirements taken care of. You don't have to put an end date on the "temporary guardianship," but you DO need to get it IN WRITING, preferably notarized, so that it will stand up in court. If you make a legal decision about their daughter, because she is in your care, and it came up and a choice HAD to be made, and you either did not have time to consult them, or they refused to answer in a timely manner, then you will NEED that legal paper to defend you from their legal wrath. IF they bother. And IF they decide they want to make it permanent, the "temporary guardianship" paperwork will make it easier to legally adopt her, as it already sets the precedent, and you can take that to a judge and say, "See? The trial run worked out well, and now we want to make this permanent." That said, even if you do adopt her, GET CHILD SUPPORT.

[@satan142]

the first one reminds me of my mother, my mom has checked out of being a parent since my little sister came into our care, all mom does from the moment she gets home is watch her asian dramas (she watchesa variety of japanese korean and chinese) its all she can talk about when shes not yelling at me for not dropping my life for a kid im not even allowed to call mine. said kids is technically my niece but ive raised her since she was a baby(bio parents didnt want anything to do with her) if mom does join us at the table for meals she wont even pause her show shell just bring it down to ehr spot, completely diregarding the 'no phones/books at dinner rule' weve always had for EVERYONE and before it was her asian dramas it was a bunch of audio books she hasnt been a parent in YEARS and im getting ready to move out, im the only one who parents the kid

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Wow, your egg donor is a piece of work. Once you're of age, maybe you could get custody of your niece.

[@diamonddiva3204]

please dont have a go at me but i think the friend wants OP to look after the daughter till the daughter is old enough to do things for herself and/or the parents so they can keep gaming and not worry about having a child disrupting the game for food/attention i dont believe the get better together line at all

[@animatorstanley]

I have an alcohol addiction, it's hard for me to say no. However, the moment I even thought I was pregnant, I went as dry as the Sahara. I ended up having a miscarriage in January from stress. I'm having preg symptoms again and missing my period. Gonna take a test again soon (last week was negative, still early) I'm not drinking! I have no plans to even after my child is born. They're far more important than being drunk, playing games, smoking weed or anything else that temporarily alters mood. Neglecting your child is never okay, even if you are struggling. I hope that little girl has the best life.

[@yukara1977]

Those "parents" to the little girl need a serious reality check! Honestly, I want to take a hammer to their gaming crap and ban them from whatever gaming sites there are. The girl is a human being, not a video game they can turn off or reset!

[@C.L.Hinton]

What. A. Ride. That was wild, Markee!

[@tahakumonsonoa6026]

Me: *listens while playing games* Hmmm…..

[@starbird3939]

Last Story - NTA If there is nothing that says pets are not allow, then OP should be in the clear. Especially since OP made RENOVATIONS. Update: Ahhhhhh, BIL is being a whiny manbaby. That explains it

[@youarehere594]

As a gamer I really hate people like this friend and her partner. They are why gamers get a bad reputation, most of us are functional, its just stories like this that get attention and gets everyone else slapped with the same label.

[@kenconify]

Yeah I’m gonna need more updates on these stories without a doubt

[@speakevermore]

Great video Markee! Hope youre doing well and we'll get to hear some of your commentary again in future videos

[@sarahclapp505]

Ex Brother in law is being not fair

[@alfr1]

You had two big dogs when you moved in and they eventually passed now you have adopted a slightly smaller ONE and the landlord is mad and wants you to get rid of it? Just apologize for the mistake of not telling him that your Son wanted a single replacement for the two you lost, and since he is objecting to you having this one, you will start looking for another home to move to right away. Make sure to tell him immediately that you will paint the interior and that you will be shampooing the carpets and cleaning EVERYTHING before he has to get other renters to move in. (GREAT renters who pay their rent and clean beautifully when they leave DO NOT EXIST, so it might change his mind about a medium sized dog.) He will either change his mind wanting to keep you as the good renters or he will offer to allow it if you pay a higher rent or a Pet Fee or Pet damage deposit. Any one of these are reasonable, but if you rented from me, I would just allow the dog.

[@SiFireHasSpeed]

That first story’s advice gives me conniptions. Classic Reddit daft comments. Yikes.

[@wildwikedwanderer1208]

Agreed.

[@mbyerly9680]

Reddit is full of kids and people barely old enough to have kids. It's not a place to seek real advice.

[@naptime1900]

Get a lawyer involved.

[@laurenweathersby746]

Love being early to a markee upload!

[@meadowsong8560]

Well that was a crazy drama! Just what I needed to wake up!

[@jeffwilliams9866]

Video Game addict story: I’m fairly certain they will probably dump her on you and come back later expecting to take her back without any penalties or consequences. Also, this argument may help BOTH of them: I actually play games better if I don’t play them constantly; Stop take a breather for a few hours or few days and come back and wind up better at it. It’s probably the same with learning or exercising if you do it all the time or at once like that you wear yourself down and can actually get bad at games because your body will essentially be telling you, “it needs a break” or “time to process everything so far”. Give your mind and body room to breath and adapt. It works in some ways like dreaming. Your mind dreams is sometimes said to be it processing the day so it can make tweaks and adjustments to improve. That may help them moderate gaming and maybe why they play too much at the same time. They maybe overplaying because they have trouble playing or are struggling which might be solved with moderation plus FYI, some games you actually need to do a bit of research on OUTSIDE of playing it to play it well or sometimes at all.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

Bonus story: BIL is okay with OP improving his rental property at their own expense, but now wants them to move out because he's getting a divorce from OP's sister. He's a jerk.

[@Icalasari]

"Also, if you don't have kids of your own you will be smart to absolutely mind your own business" As paraphrased from Steve Hofstetter: "I'm not a pilot but if I see a helicoptor stuck in a tree, I can say, 'Dude fucked up'". It's BS to discount others because they lack children, you don't need to be a parent to go, "That shit ain't right"

[@lorifiedler13]

#1 couldn't the friend call CPS for assistance?

[@TheComedyGeek]

Ouch, this one cut close to my heart as I am also addicted to video games. It's how I cope with my depression and Avoidant Personality Disorder. But I have no responsibilities and maintain a policy of never, ever choosing games over people. That's not always easy, but it's always worth it. It's my thin line keeping my addiction from turning into madness like it did when I first got into Skyrim. From my POV, I feel qualified to judge OP's friend, and I judge her quite harshly.

[@TheComedyGeek]

After the update : words cannot describe the level of loathing and contempt I have for these assholes. If it was me - and this is not a suggestion or recommendation - but if it was me I would have to take that poor girl in. Doesn't matter what happens to my life as a result. Love copes. It makes adjustment. It takes on more than it thinks it can handle. And it struggles always to do the right thing.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

@@TheComedyGeek 💯

[@RoosSkywalker]

Relatable minus the APD. No children ever tyvm. Not everyone should have children.

[@kikikitty9632]

this story is truly insane in need to know how they wentt from we cant have her to WE HAVE HER and im pego

[@phoenixsky6124]

This sounds like it’s Canadian. Abuse is emotional, physical and sexual. This is an emotional abuse case and likely physical (not eating properly, no proper bed). It’s the hardest abuse to prove. If you take the child do it through CFS and be a kinship home. The province will help with funds. She would need to show social services her home is adequate to get the little one back in her care. If you take her in do it legally and get child support.

[@neamhcridhe6475]

my ex husband also works and then plays video games a lot, for the past 18 years. when we divorced, i was not in a good place financially, and technically still not, but every time i try to get the kids something they need, he'll tell me he'll get it, and then not get it at all. it took a full year to get the kids new beds/mattresses at his house and he bought himself a vr set for his ps5. when the kids needed new mattresses at my house, it took him a month to get them. he is constantly belittling me and calling me a worthless excuse for a mother, in front of the kids, for years. he has been trying to teach/train them to be entitled, while i do my best to raise them to be proper respectful soon to be adults. when the kids got pandemic foodstamps, their dad insisted they keep it to themselves and i straight up told him no, if they want to share with each other, that's their choice. my oldest son, 18, has always gone out of his way to make sure i had something to eat. he'd often get me milk and bread every week when i ran out of foodstamps of my own. they often traded off buying something for each other because one was too lazy or forgot to bring their card. my ex husband also makes if very known that i "ruined his future" because i got pregnant so quick after meeting him and "forced" him into marriage, when he was the one that forced me, saying he didn't want his son to be born a b*stard. after that, i got locked inside the house, yes inside, he managed to put a lock on the outside of the door. when i got pregnant with our second son, he denied it instantly saying i cheated on him because guys would stare at me whenever i left the house with him. he took the phone and internet cables to work with him so that i could not contact my family or friends to try and seek a way out of the marriage. when i finally did take the kids and leave, he hired a PI and sued me for custody, on our second son's first birthday and by the oldest's birthday the next month, they were taken from me. my own family sided with him in the divorce and custody and i've been struggling to get far enough away from him so that he doesn't have any sort of control over me, but it's difficult financially because i can't work and every time i try to finish my novel or start up an etsy store, he thr*atens me by either saying he'll send me to a homeless shelter or that it's not a real job and that he's the better parent because he's been at walmart for 20 years, but complains that he doesn't want to work there anymore but because i got pregnant, he's unable to have another job or go to college. i am making plans to move clear overseas to another country just to get away from him and everyone else that belittles me. my kids understand my desire to move and the oldest also wants to move overseas away from dad once he's finished his senior year in a month. it just comes down to money and researching what's needed to live in another country.

[@PonderingStudent]

I think the "parents" in story 1 hated parenting, so they played video games to escape from their reality. The situation probably began with the parents using games as a coping mechanism. They can immerse themselves in other worlds instead of focusing on the real one, they can get the endorphin high games give and temporarily forget about how much they dislike their actual lives. They could have chosen to work on changing their lives to make them more bearable for everyone, their daughter included, but instead they became so absorbed in their "coping mechanism" that it started to take up ALL their time. They actively let their reality and their daughter's life get even worse because they couldn't or wouldn't leave the "alternative reality" games offered. The parents don't care about their daughter, or at least not enough to recognise that, even if parenting made them miserable, it still needed to be done. If it hadn't been games, I suspect they'd have found something else to bury themselves in, rather do something (being parents) that they didn't enjoy. I think the parents initially turned to games because they were unhappy and, while they were playing them, games made them happy. At the point where it took over their entire lives then that seems to me to be an addiction. OP only mentions this in passing, but it sounds like the parents were also neglecting their own needs (not cooking meals for themselves, not doing housework, losing large amounts of sleep) as well as their daughters. Of course, unlike their daughter's situation, them neglecting themselves is their choice and soley their own business, but I mention it because pursuing something (anything - drugs, gambling, whatever else) to the point where it has an adverse effect on basic self-care is one of the major defining factors of an addiction. Either way they sound like truly crappy people. I just hope their daughter isn't too damaged by everything they did, or didn't, do to her.

[@willb9259]

As a single dad who suffers from an addictive personality. You have to acknowledge you have an addiction and figure out ways to stop or mitigate the impact the addictions have on your life. My addictions were women, video games, alcohol, cigarettes, and energy drinks. I started working out, went monk, stopped playing soo many video games, stopped drinking completely but I still smoke a pack a day, and drink energy drinks 🤷🏿‍♂️. I'm not perfect but it's all about progress.

[@AuntLoopy123]

Oof! OP sure knows a bunch of a-holes.

[@hothead2463]

Nta.If the renting agreement stated that with nothing need to be added the bil is being an ah. So seeing the update it makes sense. With his temper it sounds like he has anger issues and problem was hell for both his wife and daughter? But that the over thinking that comes with not knowing more to it .

[@TheBusyHoneyBee]

Story01. Where is the kid's dad?

[@luciferandassociates9255]

Playing games as well in a different room

[@KiraNazena]

Last part sounds weird to me. Either the place ist pet friendly or it is not. I'm not allowed to have pets were I live now, but as long as pets aren't explicitly forbidden you are free to keep any pet you want (well, within certain limits. During the lockdown ppl went crazy and now the animal shelters in Berlin are crowded with chickens because ppl thought it was nice having fresh eggs... While living in floor 5 in a 2 room apartment...)

[@raulruiz5313]

Fresh content, nice

[@aaronace4754]

Hot dang I’ve never been this early, how are y’all doing? Edit: Wow that kid and new mom gonna need therapy, do not let friend near the kid I am getting sus vibes

[@JJerseyGirl]

10:10_ Get CPS involved the parents just want to abandon their child to you so they can play video games.

[@hothead2463]

I'm still confused at how the friend even has a social life outside of gaming to have a husband let alone friends? And why the hell did the friend want a child if both her and the husband are both the type to act like child than be child free?

[@carloscampos5860]

I love videogames, im studying a career to make them, but how can you make your Daughter the bottom of your priorities? The kids are well feed, healthy and doesnt need something and you have extra money: Good moment for a ps5 Daughter need a bed that isnt from the past millenium: bad moment for a ps5.

[@dakotasan8719]

Oof, I love video games too but I don’t prioritize them over the well being of my loved ones

[@telinhajp]

Hi Markee! おやすみ！❤️

[@nightdweller6446]

dear dog, what an entire nightmare of a soap opera. that visit thing? how to confuse the child about her mother/not mother/birth unit. This situation is just a trainwreck of piss poor people aka child's biodonators

[@lynxflame8091]

I feel horrible for the little girl

[@comajuice]

Sorry but what's up with America and having absolutely fuck all rights and privacy when it comes to renting? I can't imagine having to inform a landlord of a new animal in a home that allows pets and has previously allowed pets

[@Spgzay]

I do the same thing as the girl in the first on but I have no kids or spouse

[@raayvenwolfgirl5539]

I feel glad they took the girl, because honestly CPS is often a worse case thing. as someone who went through cps? that kid would have had to deal with so much physical abuse, and fosters that just got her to want the money. I'm not saying all foster situations are the same, just saying I've seen more bad than good from the system.

[@wmdkitty]

I'm calling bull on your claim. Foster care and "the system" is far better than leaving a child to be abused or neglected.

[@raayvenwolfgirl5539]

@@wmdkitty have you been through the system? Without the sarcastic quote marks you used. Because if you haven't, being thrust on family friends that will at least feed, clothe, and care for you is 10,000 times better than being sent through the cps and their children homes. Edit to add: Its kind of clear you haven't been. Believe me, I get the "idea". They were made (CPS) to protect children from abuse/Neglect/Unsafe surroundings, but the truth of the matter is to them? Children are walking paychecks. You don't actually love a paycheck, you use it.

[@brianna_lynch]

PSA: Only have children if you really want children! There’s nothing wrong with being childfree.

[@alfr1]

They will want to claim the child for food stamps, welfare, and tax deduction, FOR THE PARENTS TO BENEFIT FROM, not for the child care PARENT replacement. Then they will start demanding rights to see her, YOU will be told to bring her and then come back and pick her up, with many threats trying to FORCE you to do exactly as the "REAL" Mother demands. It will get become a regrettable situation, and the child will suffer the most.

[@daniellalights159]

Parenting should be priority not a "just wait I will finish my game". You cant put parenting on "pause".

[@thorveim1174]

Sounds to me like that couple would have been better without a child.I have no qualms about spending a lot of time gaming and its clearly a common interest they share and may even have formed their couple over, but spending a lot of time gaming isn't compatible with raising a child; and seems like the dad knew it.

[@Buff_Helpy]

Aw OPs a pretty cool dude for getting the kid away from that dysfunctional mess. Although I admit I'm curious what happened to make OP go from actively preventing the kid from leaving to adopting her and being concerned about letting the friend see her. I mean I'm glad she did the right thing, I'm just curious.

[@jameswatson9338]

Video games story: So, I just feel like pointing out how 90% of the blame went to the mom even though the dad is doing the exact same thing. Yet we have a growing crowd of young men insisting that sexism doesn't exist... The advice to call CPS is crazy, because the child is not being abused or neglected if they're being clothed, fed, housed, educated, entertained, and at least somewhat loved. That's a hell of a lot better than a lot of people got as children. CPS has a lot more serious concerns, and foster care should never happen without an incredibly good reason, since in a lot of scenarios the kid would end up a lot worse off than just...playing a lot of video games. Update: The daughter is not their priority, true, but I'm still not seeing this as CPS-level neglect. My mattress was 20 years old too and I survived with a little itching and discomfort. My dad actively hated me, blamed me for "making my mom turn on him," accused me of "turning on him" when I was 8, and is an alcoholic with serious undiagnosed mental problems. He tormented me. I still have cPTSD from it. No one ever once thought about calling CPS or taking me away. When that kind of outright abuse is so common, we can't as a society afford to put kids in foster care over too many video games. It's just...too much. Also, you can't take someone's kid away just because they didn't want the kid. Regretting having a child is not abuse or neglect.

[@mbyerly9680]

Friend be danged. Protect that innocent child. The parents are video meth heads. Contact the grandparents or CPS.

[@MarsPotatoes]

Why is the first response to the first story saying jump directly to cps and shame op for wanting to help peacefully???? That’s kind of the nuclear option that could hurt the kids life and the parents lives. Video game addiction is real or perhaps this mother is just blind to how to really parent. I don’t think offering a bit of advice is a bad thing in this situation. Assuming the mom doesn’t need treatment for a video game addiction this is probably very easily fixable with a bit of talking to her and helping her on the right path which possibly could entail therapy since the mom is very distressed at her situation, not cps out the gate. Especially because the commenter is saying to not judge from the outside. That response just rubbed me the wrong way. I ain’t saying these parents are good by any means, but at the time of that response being given, the commenter seemed way too smug and flip floppy of you shouldn’t care cuz the kid ain’t yours but take the nuclear option and call cps if you care instead of try to help.

[@jfcfanfic]

What I wild telenovela.

[@micahfoley9572]

I mean... raising a kid on games is 1000x better than raising it on tv. And loads of people do that while no one really complains. if the kid is happy and healthy, I say go for it. games are good for your brain and mental health. just make sure he's old enough for screen time and gets some exercise too. the idea that games are bad for you was never ever true, and has been debunked more times and in more ways than I can count. each time they try to phrase it a new way, and then it gets debunked again. games are a net positive force, like they have been since the beginning of human civilization.

[@tiryaclearsong421]

I see a few issues with this: 1) The kid is crying for food at times and the mom ignores her to finish objectives. 2) Kids need attention from their family. It would be much better if the parents played games with the child at least some of the time. 3) Too much screentime is bad for young children. This applies to TV and videogames. 4) Not all games are age appropriate and there are predators on online games for children. Ideally parents should keep an eye on their children's online activity. Especially with a 4 year old. I enjoy games and grew up playing them. My parents weren't ignoring me to play WoW though. My dad played with us and my mom would let us tell her all about the boss we just beat if we were excited. She had no idea what we were talking about but she paid attention and tried to learn. We didn't have firm screentime limits, but my parents encouraged us to have a variety of hobbies aside from just games or TV. And they got flak for this because parents shame each other. But my parents were still being parents. This girl's mom was not.

[@micahfoley9572]

@@tiryaclearsong421 oh, yeah I wasn't talking about this case. There's something else going on here. Sorry, I was kinda lazy about making that clear. I just called my hypothetical kid "he" and left it at that lol Screen time is complicated, yeah... From the science I've seen, it really really matters up to a certain age, and then it only matters that the kid also gets enough exercise and is healthy and there's no set number that's too much unless it's negatively affecting the kid's health.

[@fletcher0411]

If you don't have kids of your own then you should mind your own business. What kind of logic is that I don't need to have children to know right from wrong I know that being ignored is not good. I'm a dog trainer and when I find out that somebody has a behavior problem with their dog and they go to work come home and sit on the couch watching TV or playing games without doing anything to exercise their dog or give attention to their dog then that's typically going to cause behavior problems if that's the case for dogs why would you think it's any different for humans. This whole oh if you're not a part of such and such group of people then you don't have a say is that most illogical thing I've heard oh you're not a woman therefore you don't get to make policies on women's bodies oh you're not black so you don't get to have a say about the Will Smith Chris Rock incident. Oh you don't have kids therefore you can't possibly have a say on how to raise children. If there's anything that I've learned from being a child and being an adult is that nobody really has any idea what they're doing in this life we are all just trying to do our best. more often than not somebody who's not emotionally invested can look at a situation from the outside and see without being objective and biased where improvements can be made and anybody that doesn't think that they should get advice from an objective source is too prideful

[@robertx8020]

I agree as it is total BS "Oh I you see that they beat their kid?, well you don't have kids so you don't know if that isn't normal" "Oh you see how the kid is outside and hungry all day? well you don'ty know if that isn't normal as you have no kids"| "Oh you see how they see that they have men having sex with their daughter? ..well you don't have kids" Because of THAT logic like that some ppl ignore abuse!

[@fletcher0411]

@@robertx8020 yeah we're supposed to just ignore logic because we can't possibly understand the intricacies of insert whatever victim class status this person decided they hold. You know none of us are perfect none of us were raised in a completely perfect setting or environment because all humans are flawed however that doesn't mean that we can't see problems. A child that grew up in a neglectful home could grow up to be neglectful or could grow up to be able to see neglect. There are things that I believe to be completely normal in my childhood I didn't grow up in an abusive home or neglectful home but there were things in my childhood that I now as an adult can look back and say that is not how I would raise my child because of the repercussions it had on me later. This idea that we can't speak about something just because we're not a part of that particular group is sheer idiocy.

[@PoptartParasol]

I think there is logic behind not having as much of a say if there are laws concerning female's bodies. How can a man ever relate or even know about the issues our bodies undergo? They can support us in our issues, but they don't have a right to speak *for* us or *for* our issues... Just like I won't do the same for men and their issues, they know the problems they go through more than I do as a woman. Same idea for SA survivors or any abuse survivor that I cannot relate to. I will support them but I will not be deluded enough to think I know enough about their issues to dictate laws concerning them...

[@fletcher0411]

@@PoptartParasol that's not logical that's i self importance victim hood idiocy.

[@bethking9830]

There need to be rehab centers for gamer/ electronics addicts

[@Iflie]

So many people game way too much, yet see no issues with it. A friend of mine used to be a WOW-widow because her boyfriend would just stay out all night playing, it's specifically that game because there was no logical place to stop so people would play too long. I'm OL al day but that's so different, you can pauze a video, do many different things and if I'm not Ol I do not need a mobile to keep checking on things and I wouldn't ignore people I'm eating with. That poor kid, she just got in the way of the addiction, the mother isn't "overwhelmed" she's annoyed she has less time to game when feeding a kid.

[@yukidogzombie4708]

story 1, OP is the butt hole, hes 11 he will rememer this but you'll forgot about the dinner after a week, and even if that kid is only there a few weeks that kid will remember you forever, story 3 a child being emotionally neglected is abuse there's no way around that, please take the kid that child needs help

[@vampsarecool]

Video games aren't the worse for kids. I grew up with alot of online games like runescape. That game taught me how to type fast lol. Hell in school we played educational games as part of the lesson plan

[@amandadane868]

It’s not that. It’s that the parents aren’t even spending any time with their daughter. They weren’t even playing with her.

[@PoptartParasol]

There are literal studies that say a child's brain gets damage after too much time looking at a screen. Why do you think addiction and lack of impulse control is skyrovketing nowadays? Because people keep shoving their kids in front of TVs and video games without caring for them because they're too busy with their jobs and too tired to actually be a normal parent for them

[@WobblesandBean]

Just one more thing to toss on the massive heap of evidence that gamers are incredibly toxic.

[@hildatorres2581]

Why not is thinking about children services.

[@sablemoreno5095]

I think for the last one about the dog yes YTA. (For the information presented at the time pre update) still with the update but micro compared to the BIL as they expected word of mouth from others to be enough notice. If you are allowed and give notice you've got one/considering one I'm all for that but it's the not notifying and the 'sneaking' the animal in that puts me off (I mean I'm more lenient of its like you have 1 cat and got another, not like you got a cat and then sneak a small dog or something) I mean yes you can have a dog, it's the formal informing the landlord type thing that does it for me. It's not just an 'oh go ahead and get a pet just cause it doesn't say no' it's more about if they have to send someone to houses/rentals to take care of things. As in there's a risk of the animal reacting badly (there are freak accidents along with known hostile behavior) to having an 'intruder' that the landlord has to inform the worker of. Same idea of the "beware of dog" signs my previous city required to be put up. Or the specific person has an allergy and is at risk because it was undisclosed, even with it being allowed the person needs to know yes or no to go there. [Like a restaurant, you're allowed to cook pretty much whatever you want but you have to list ingredients for allergies- my mom is allergic to peppers and starts having a hard time breathing if people order fajitas, so mexican food is almost always a no go unless outside and she checks the menu before we go to a new place because of the allergy. Its very much the same for peoples homes and pets.] Not just working people, but like inviting friends or colleagues over, you let them know you have pets explicitly and they decide yes or no based on any allergy, fears phobias or general preferences.

[@tigernotwoods914]

It was one thing to refuse and great you stood up for the kid but on the other it wasn’t your business to tell her sister. That she asked you first and you refused