I Want To ABANDON My Foster Brother After He Invited Me To His School Play r/Relationships

[@RokoFireFox]

The only judgement on story 1 I can give is ops parents are def the AHs for telling the foster brother that. I just feel bad for the foster brother cause it sounds like he was so excited to invite everyone to his little play.

[@janicevango5791]

Story 1: I feel sorry for Jonathon as well. I can imagine being in the foster system can leave a child constantly looking for validation from wherever they can get it. This is an 11-year-old child and the rest of the siblings are in their thirties. The attitude is rather mean to be honest and I find it a bit too convenient that this restaurant dinner is on the same day.

[@RokoFireFox]

@@janicevango5791 he's who I feel the most bad for. Well it's funny to with the dinner that it was "the only day that worked for everyone" when ops family had the play and the BiL had to have known cause his wife was invited.

[@TennantJunkie1993]

@@janicevango5791 Trevor chose Wednesday night because it was the only night that worked for his birth family. If OP's parents gave more of a fuck about their daughter and her husband, they could've worked something out instead of forbidding and guilting OP out of good food and convo with people around his age in favor of crap food and being forced to cook when they know he can't for shit.

[@beastshawnee]

Also 1st story: Do you know why Jonathon put the most effort into his performance? Attention and escape...Believe me when I was a kid I wanted to be an actor because I got to live someone else’s life for a bit and escape my own miserable life. It got me positive attention whereas at home all was negative. I will never forget that one aunt and my one grandmother who came to my performances! I played an old lady one time and they both said how much I looked like my great grandmother and that made me feel part of the family even tho normally my dad rather isolated us from them all.

[@champslim]

First story: The parents are messy as hell

[@shanaabell6252]

The first story, no one agreed to go, they got ambushed by their shitty parents who were the ones letting the foster kid down. They should have made sure the siblings could go before telling him they were. NTA ffs. 🤦‍♀️

[@SnowyWolborg]

And the worst part of the whole situation is, he basically got it mostly guilted into going to the play when he didn't want to in the first place. And for what? Some handclaps from internet strangers who have a justice boner. 🙄

[@akiadima3814]

1st story is a hard one. Drinks and fun or a kids play... They could also all have dinner after the play since he has school the next day and a bedtime so they would be released after. Not the AH I would be torn even if it was my nephew. They aren't being hateful, just wanting to live their life. When people choose to be parents not everyone in their life weighs in on the decision and has equal responsibility. It's a nice thing that they went but in the end their own choice

[@ptaradactletime11]

I think bil is a massive asshole for planning the dinner for scheduling it then and not rescheduling it. He didn’t even have to go imo if he didn’t want to but creating a scheduling conflict that fucks with an 11 yo is a asshole move.

[@mage1439]

Let's be honest, OP is the AH because this was the perfect opportunity to pull a sitcom "keep running from one event to the other until both blow up in your face."

[@aikikaname6508]

First story : NTA. OP and sibling are adults and don’t know this kid and didn’t sign up to be any kind of foster relative. They are married and have their own family units and aren’t really part of foster kids anyway. They should be able to live their lives as adults, not be made to go to children’s plays and the like. Foster mum and dad should be enough to see the play and they would be if mother didn’t put the idea in his head

[@SnowyWolborg]

Exactly. Look, Jonathan's situation is unfortunate. However, the parents are the ones we agreed to foster him. None of the adult children were part of that decision. People can't just throw around the word "family" and expect it to mean something when this kid has only been around a few months. It doesn't work like that. But people on Reddit are more interested in scoring moral points rather than telling the truth.

[@hiphopapotamus6913]

As a former foster child who’s foster parents took every opportunity including my birthdays and ALL holidays to pawn me off to work programs in order for them to have “family time” (their words not mine) with their family and their extended family and not including me was damaging and made me realize I was only there to pay off their mortgage (I was “receiving” around $2,000 a month for my experience through the government that I didn’t know about and didn’t go to a single thing I needed as I was told if I wanted money for school things/trips, clothing, electronics, personal hygiene products or anything I might want or need, I would have to get a part time job. When I did start working I would put my money in a shoe box under my bed and later on realized they were taking my money. When I asked about it, they said they took it to invest it for me as I didn’t really need the money. And for those who will ask, yes I told my social worker but she did nothing). I would have loved to have had people there for me rooting me on. Saying that you want a foster child to feel like “part of the family” and actually having a foster child feel like part of the family are two totally different things. Actual effort shows that you really want to be there for the child and effort takes sacrifice and compromise. I’m glad OP went as it will mean a lot to that child in the future. I do believe the parents where working to assume everyone would be on board before confirming that they actually could do OP’s parents are 100% the AH.

[@zerobolt9506]

Sorry to hear you went through that, is everything good now?

[@cyreneB]

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, you are truly a very strong person, I hope your life is a good one now

[@clarehidalgo]

I agree OP's parents are the AHs, they lied to the kid setting him up for disappointment then blamed the people they lied about. OP would be NTA which ever choice they chose, it was nice of them to see the play. Op's sister is NTA, she would have been an AH if she forced all her husband's relatives to change their plans for a kid they don't know.

[@Taizu314]

Having people show up for him must have meant the world to that 11 foster brother. I’m glad that OP went.

[@FelisTerras]

Story1: everybody's looking at this from the adult's pov, but I was that eleven yrs old kid, who's parents never attended any events that weren't school related. My best friend's parents saw more of my extraculicular performances than my own parents ever did. OP, you done right by that kid.

[@dylanking7403]

This is so true. I was heavily involved in band and theatre in school and there was a period of time before my grandmother became involved in my life where I would look out at all the kids being celebrated by their parents afterwards & just feel so alone bc mine didn’t show. I even had incidents where I was left for hours afterwards waiting for someone to show up and just take me back home. The support is so important.

[@tamsel814]

I remember begging my grandparents to just attend any of my sports events. It never stopped hurting when they didn't. But I also remember feeling super happy the one time a friend attended as a surprise. Showing up is so meaningful for a kid.

[@HydraKitt]

First story: NTA. It shouldn't be on OP to attend the play for a child they barely know, especially considering they're an adult. I think most people saying YTA are missing the point and not putting themselves in OP's shoes.

[@cloverite]

OP and BI are AH. The BI could book the dinner on a different night. The Foster Brother is 11 and who knows why he is in Foster care, this is important to him and I’m sure he has felt enough disappointment in his short life already. People are so selfish, it’s not about enjoyment it’s about having empathy and kindness, it’s one night that could do wonders for this child’s self worth and self esteem. Not going is callus and selfish and I hope they all come down with food poisoning, it will still be less upset and pain than this child will feel.

[@_Sage967_]

@@cloverite no, the only ones with a necessity to be there are the parents. there is to much of a gap between OP and the kid to be forcing this. if the Kid needs a boost to his self-esteem it isn't OP's job to help with that and the only reason he cant politely refuse is because the parents weren't involved enough to stop the kid from reserving seats. this isnt and shouldnt be OP's problem

[@kaykay8855]

@@cloverite op is an adult and their parents said that they’re going without consulting them. Op and their siblings are adults, didn’t grow up with them, had their own plans, and their post isn’t dripping with hatred for their foster sibling. Just because something was the ‘right thing’ doesn’t mean that you should do it.

[@lrock48]

@@cloverite it has nothing to do with empathy, don't volunteer other people's time (what op's parents did) without first asking and getting a confirmation. This is something a lot of parents do.

[@elisejackson2854]

@@_Sage967_ jeez you people really suck.

[@PalesPurgatory]

My mum used to say this, " I love you always. I just don't like you right now". It was only when she was really angry about something fairly major. I understood it. I have told my own kids the same thing on rare occasions. They have never doubted my love.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

My mum did the exact same thing and I understood 100% even as a kid. I’ve actually said the same thing before too (as an adult) and it never caused issues, we just had a time out in separate rooms doing our own thing and then talk much later when we’ve both calmed down. It can be a teaching tool on how to discuss emotions and to know when you need to leave a situation before it gets out of control. I think it can even help with accountability if done correctly.

[@InfectedSean]

About story 1: I feel like it's a matter priorities. I would definitely go to the foster siblings event. But other people feel differently. Too me it seems like there is too much poor planing overall. If everyone planed ahead. There wouldn't be much of an issue. Instead people are agreeing on each others behaf, and planning things on the same date.

[@zerobolt9506]

For me it'll be a hard choice, not saying I'd choice a fancy dinner & such, but I have ADHD and it effects me bad when it comes to time, I remember all the times as a kid I had to not only go to my sister & cousins school stuff/graduations, but my own as well, they where so horribly long, especially mine, having to sit there back then compared to now when we have a mini everything (talking about a phone here) that can keep even an old person entertain & NOT be able to use it, not to mention my ADHD has gotten much worse over the years, it'd like Centuries have passed by when it would have been only 5 to 10 minutes at most, that's how my brain works, I literally feel like I'm slowly dying when I have nothing to do.

[@nyxx5357]

Last story (stolen underwear): I'm glad OP was able to prove her claim with undeniable video evidence. Some women aren't so lucky. I'm also glad the kid's dad stepped up, apologized, and promised to fix the problem.

[@RockyGems]

I hope he gets help. If I had a dollar for every true crime story that starts with “As a child he would steal women’s underwear, not unlike the trophies he took from his eventual victims.”

[@mkuti-childress3625]

I still don’t think much would have happened if the dad hadn’t found the underwear stash. Parents like that are usually pretty stuck in denial.

[@WobblesandBean]

@@mkuti-childress3625 Yup. The AH father should have believed OP from the get go.

[@WhitneyDahlin]

@@WobblesandBean at the very least he should have thoroughly searched his sons room after the accusation since there was video proof. I'm normally very against parents invading their children's privacy and going through their room but this is a serious accusation and should be taken seriously.

[@HackiePuffs]

Markee: your parents are TA for deceiving the kid like that and using you as manipulation tools Also Markee: YTA for not falling for their trap

[@squirrel670]

Op should have denied attendance to prevent that, but he didn't which left this open.

[@jam2727]

Parents are TA for trying to trick them. OP is an AH because they’re skipping out on something that can’t be rescheduled. Is it that hard to understand? ESH. Big age gaps don’t have to do anything with it, I have an extremely younger sibling and would definitely go.

[@NightSavant]

@@jam2727 ikr this

[@squirrel670]

@@jam2727 like you don't need to care about a sibling if you weren't raised at the same time. That's not how family is supposed to work. As an adult you make effort to bond with budding family as the responsible thing to do.

[@ivy456]

@@jam2727 I agree. People were arguing OP didn't choose another sibling but how many of us had that choice? I didn't pick my siblings and vice versa. That doesn't mean we have an excuse to not support each other on important mile stones. Also like you said this was something that could have been rescheduled. It's not that much of a sacrifice to go to a silly play and book a restaurant for another night. Or maybe seperate dinners if it's that much of a hassle. Either way if the sister and OP really wanted it they could've made it work. Parents were wrong for trying to guilt OP but that doesn't take away that OP was wrong either. I'm happy OP understood he was wrong and went to the play.

[@Ni-boo]

1st story - NTA. The foster parents aren't doing the kid any favours. Growing up going in and out of foster all my life, I never expected any special treatment from my foster parents family even their own children, as long as my foster parents were there for me that's all I needed.

[@JaneSmith-d1h]

I don’t understand why the sister is expected to ditch her husband’s big day in the first post. You can’t just bail on your partner’s accomplishments. Sure not everyone can attend a celebratory dinner, but if my spouse didn’t show I’d be pissed.

[@socialmoon]

You can rearrange, though. Would it have killed BIL to arrange a meal a couple of weeks later? It's just a promotion - no doubt he'll be promoted again at some point, & he'll celebrate again. Jonathan only gets his experience once. He's also 11 & has most likely had a shitty life in care. Idk, just seems to me like the kindest thing to do would be to support this kid that's probably never been supported in anything before. Jonathan would probably treasure that moment for the rest of his life, feeling like a wanted member of the family, whereas BIL probably won't even remember the meal in a few years' time.

[@totallyjaded1658]

@@socialmoon OP said that the day was arranged due to BIL s family. That was the date they were all available.

[@andyshepherd700]

I find it hard to believe that his wife's schedule was not the one he would consider most important, following that the most important would be his family and then his wife's family. I'm skeptical of the sister absolutely having to schedule it on that date. The sister could have scheduled it that way on purpose.

[@curlykoala696]

I'm frustrated just thinking about having to choose between snubbing my husband or snubbing my foster brother

[@socialmoon]

@@totallyjaded1658 Doesn't mean that they couldn't reschedule for some time in the future. Celebrating a promotion can be done any time, tbh.

[@GaiaTheNatureWitch]

I remember having a argument with my own mom where she told me that she didn't like me at the moment and me being my young spiteful self told her "good because I fucking hate you,I wish your weren't my mom." I made her cry because my brother and I were her rainbow babies and it broke her heart hearing those words. I was 16 and now I'm 27 and we're better,closer than ever

[@tegantalks9612]

Story 2- NTA. I have said the same thing to my kids when they were misbehaving. I tell them that I will always love them but I don’t always like them when they are throwing tantrums or being rude.

[@k70freeman]

Forced apologies mean nothing. The son's behavior was horrible but Op logic is stupid. Op - i am going do this to teach him that he was wrong, in front of friends. Later Op goes i don't care i embarrassed him of his friends, but why doesn't my son want to be around me or talk to me? 1 Saying " i don't like" and "i don't like your actions" are two different things to a child. 2 Instated of Op trying to be on a fake mora high ground, he should to some actual parenting. Op should explained why he was wrong, that way he would not misinterpret the lesson. The ways the child get the leeson wrong - 1 it's okay as long as your bigger and stronger. 2 it's okay to act like a bully, when you think you are in the right. 3 You can justifiably use any means, as longs as you can get someone to agree with you. 4 The biggest person always wins. Op assumed that his son thinks sameway was him. Op did not even explain why he said it to his son. Op - He will figure it out on his own , without me telling him why.

[@robertx8020]

Right? And tbh the son wasn't very nice at that moment so it was the simple truth! Glad it worked out in the end and also glad the ex showed his true colours (and showing how much of an homophobe he was_) and he was right (more or less) and now we KNOW why he is an ex as he is an AH!

[@tegantalks9612]

@@k70freeman here’s the thing about kids and teens, they shut down and don’t listen when you try to give them lectures on things. I know when I was a teen when my parents tried to lecture me I just said what I could until they would let me go and start to shut down. I think that’s what the mom was trying to do with the apology. I know the things that made me stop and think about me actions were when my dad called me out for being a bitch. When your own parent calls you out that directly when they don’t normally, it’s like a record scratch moment and it can make you take a step back and see that maybe you did cross a line. Parenting is hard and there’s no one size fits all approach to it and even the experts will say that.

[@k70freeman]

@@tegantalks9612 1 everyone do not act that way .2 That is solely based on how you would react and think. 3 Op did not tell him that . Op just assumes One fucking conversion will change his son's morality 2 Op already punished him. you tell this Post bullshit. Op i am tell everyone expect his ex-wife. Op makes himself a victim . Never punish out of anger, hurt and etc. Op did that.

[@k70freeman]

@@robertx8020 i call bullshit. no one thing about what happened but when into full detail about how he felt.

[@susanminer2088]

Story 2-I have told my sons I don’t like them. I’ll always love them, but I haven’t always liked their actions. Kids need to learn empathy.

[@franl155]

I only use "ugly" to refer to someone's attitude or mindset: I'm in no position to throw the first stone about physical attractiveness!

[@susanminer2088]

Mother is the villain here. She put her daughters in the situation, by accepting for them without their consent, then telling Jonathan you chose dinner over him. Good for you for going anyway. I’m sure it meant the world to Jonathan.

[@mage1439]

Agreed, and not only that but now she also knows just how well she can puppet-master her own children for her convenience.

[@clarehidalgo]

Like OP's sister would have been a bigger AH if she had forced her husband's side of the family to drop their plans for a kid they don't even know. I don't know why people are saying she's an AH when OP's sister has different obligations in her life.

[@lifewithlee6298]

2 story, I suspected there was some suppressed gay in the bully son. Didn’t think it turn out he’d asked him in a date.

[@catherinesanchez1185]

I was yelling “ I knew it” !!! It’s so stupidly common . I’m glad they worked it out in the end

[@BeastlyEevee]

First story is a mess; one of the comments I think summed it up as a damned if you do, damned if you don't. Shitty situation the parents put everyone in, bad on the parents for doing this and creating this mess. OP would have been TA if they denied the invite, sure, but they're not TA for having another engagement. Regardless, they had to not attend one. OP's parents are the only TA, OP just gets a star for doing what they could for a stranger, which I think is very sweet. Still, OP should have never been put in this situation to begin with.

[@didyasaysomethin2me]

Story 2: There's this thing called a reality check. And OP's son got his when the same treatment he saw no problem subjecting someone else to gave him a proverbial slap right in his own smug little face. It sounds like the gravity of the situation wasn't real to him right up until that moment because it wasn't impacting him personally. Yes, it was harsh. But some people just can't fathom things like that otherwise.

[@JaneSmith-d1h]

Honestly the boy in story 2 could have told his parents the full story and been blame free. It’s one thing to just out somebody and a whole different thing when you are trying to protect yourself from someone who is physically and verbally assaulting you for sexual reasons. I don’t think anyone should ever have to feel bad for outing their sexual harassers.

[@kyoxtohru112]

I'm confused are you saying the son was the sexual harasser? Or the bullied kid of this story was the sexual harasser? edit: reason I ask is cause this bit: "....the full story and been blame free" From my knowledge noone blamed the kid being bullied, but I do not believe they were in the closet while the son was.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

Story one: I think people are forgetting something here. The parents seem like boundary stompers. Sure, it’s just a dinner now, but next time it’s going to be something else, slowly taking up more time that OP might not be comfortable with. I’d bet money they’d just dump the foster kid on OP one day and send a text saying they’re going out for the night/weekend. If OP continuously caves, they’re just going to demand more and more and use emotional blackmail to get what they want- most likely at the cost of any future positive relationships OP could have with their foster sibling. They may also psych/rile him up every time they demand something from OP which is emotionally going to strain that poor kid. There has to be a precedent put in place so that doesn’t happen and emotionally cripple him. He’s already been through the system and a lot of it is shit, but putting even more emotional strain having unrealistic expectations will seriously fuck him up mentally and emotionally. OP’s parents had no business adopting him if they’re just going to rile him up like that.

[@adrianacasares1130]

Yes also the Daughters inlaws where at the Dinner is not just a diner date is a compromise they had before the parents accept an invitation in her name without asking. I hate People that accept compromises in other Peoples names

[@Snipergoat1]

That's some asshole logic you have "Don't do this nice thing for a kid because you might not be about to do it later" Yes, withholding kindness will cause a child to adapt to less kindness, usually by becoming a miserable prick. Don't we have enough of those around. The parents sloppy handling of the situation needs to be tightened but that is not really a big factor. Most adults have no problem telling their parents no despite the impression these kind of posts may give you. The important bit was he going to do a kindness towards a kid when he had no reason to and a decent reason to not do so. I can't believe how many people see drama in this situation. Nothing happend here that would even raise a reasonable persons pulse rate (Sounds as if the play sure as hell wouldn't) It might be that these posts tend to emphasize the dramatic that people assume that is what is going on. The parents accepted an invitation before confirming it with their kids. That's a no no but it is unlikely to lead to emotional blackmail, strain or dumping the kid. It is more likely just a bit of thoughtless presumption. Just tell mom to check herself over that and that the sister could not be expected to bail on her husband. You check your parents the same way you do anyone else. Like most checks, it is usually quick, easy, and not often needed.

[@adrianacasares1130]

@@Snipergoat1 Its not about not be kind is not let People walk over you. Its not kind to not atend maybe but is also not kind to accept an invitation in your daughters name and then harrass her because she had prior comminments with the inlaws

[@itsjustmaddisen]

@@Snipergoat1 You clearly read what I said wrong, but go off I guess. I said that the parents should back off if OP is to have a positive relationship with him. Get off your high horse and learn how to read.

[@SnowyWolborg]

@@itsjustmaddisen I think it would be really fun to see if the people who are supporting OP's parents would keep that same energy as if someone had volunteered their time. It's about respect. You don't sign somebody up for something, and then act like they are the crazy one when they tell you that they have something else going on.

[@OriginalAsherella]

This is not exactly the same as the laundry story but in college I used to drop my laundry off at the laundromat to have it washed, dried and folded. My apartment didn’t have a washer dryer and the per pound rate was pretty reasonable so it’s totally worth it to me. Anyway, one day I picked up my laundry and when I was unpacking it I found a note down in the basket from one of the male attendants at the laundromat. It basically was a note telling me how he had noticed me for a while, he thinks I’m so beautiful and wanted to take me out with his cell phone number. I was not interested but like that is a really weird and awkward note to find among your underwear… 😕

[@Syxmaxwell]

story 1: i would have gone to the play, then pulled the parents aside and told them: "Don't you EVER pull this on me again. You try to make me the bad guy for your lies again and we are done. You do not make promises on my behalf and you do not promise my time and then villainize me when I have something else going on." I have no patience for manipulation/emotional blackmail from anyone and thankfully my family knows it.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Thank you. You're clearly somebody with some backbone and who isn't looking for some internet upvotes. When people try shit like that it's a clear sign that they do not respect you. And if the parents get away with it one time, they now realize that all they have to do is set an emotional guilt trip in order to get their way. What message is this sending? Things like this need to be stomped out without hesitation.

[@fredferd965]

When I was a kid, I was the kid who fell off the stage. I laughed when I heard that part of the story. I always looked for family and was really happy to see them. OP did a good thing.

[@perla2942]

That’s so heartbreaking 💔 poor kid

[@benjie128]

My family always had a tradition of going to the local ice cream parlor after concerts. Many times, we'd see other students there too! Fond memories.

[@CandaceDreamer]

Thanks for the commentary, Markee! I really enjoy it!!!

[@manxiefeathermoon9888]

Story one: just because a foster child is only in your life for a short time, you can make a massive impact: good or bad

[@leegraves8878]

But they didn't agree to it their parents did it isn't their responsibility.

[@aikikaname6508]

But they’re not part of his family unit and did not sign up for the responsibility. They want to live their adult lives, not sacrifice social events to do full kid stuff with a kid they didn’t sign up for and barely know.

[@MrJpaynebb]

@@leegraves8878 that's my sticking point. Mom and Dad said yes to an event for their adult children. I hate it when a parent says yes to a social event or chore for their adult children. Now OP or any other adult children who tries to decline after mom said yes looks like TA. Puts them in a bad spot and the parents know this. Classic manipulation technique.

[@clarehidalgo]

Yeah, but you don't make plans for other people behind their back, raise the kids expectation up then have a tantrum when your adult kids have lives outside of you and don't want to go to the play you signed them up for on short notice

[@alicia-raquel2097]

For the first story I was in foster care and I think NTA cause they barely know him and also it's not like they adopted him or anything so when he's 18 he's probably going to have to move. Idk how it is in the US but when I was in foster care (UK) I wasn't even allowed to hug my foster parents or spend time with the other foster kids in my room or share stuff with them cause we were supposed to be independent and stuff since we would move at 18 (although some foster parents don't care about the rules). They really don't encourage us to be overly attached to anyone because it's not in anyone's best interest. A lot of foster kids still have parents but for whatever reason (prison, drugs, abuse etc..) and sometimes they go back to their parents. Also BIL seemed to have scheduled the dinner before even knowing about the play. Although I see how an 11 year old would be upset if he was close to OP I still don't think that would've necessarily made him the AH.

[@ptaradactletime11]

Yeah as bad as the American foster system is, the idea that kids shouldn’t form connections while in care runs counter to nearly all research on child development. It stunts emotional growth and removes important nurturing experiences.

[@Snipergoat1]

Well there you go. British people are trained to be emotionally repressed from a young age. Seems like that is all part and parcel for raising a fine British lad.

[@pokekitty1]

@@ptaradactletime11 based on articles from the foster parents perspective that i have read when the rule was first implemented its to protect the foster kid from grooming/sexual abuse. the government was still getting major public backlash in the wake of the jimmy savile case at the time. so it's an ill thought out over correction to fix the system

[@roelthas]

For first story, I think I would be no good in those kind of situations because to me OP is NTA, the parents lying to the kid were the a-holes.

[@guntgunderson2829]

Being an adult means doing stuff you don’t want to do to do the right thing. Its good OP went, the sister and her husband SHOULD have rescheduled the dinner

[@shootingcomet082]

Story 1: NTA. The parents' decision to foster a child does not automatically make this boy OP and OP's siblings, younger brother.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Especially when the kid is only been around for a couple of months. That doesn't make them "family." Especially when there is no bond there. You can't just throw that word around in order to emotionally guilt people to do what you want.

[@luckyassassin1]

Love when markee gives us his opinions and views on the stories, always makes it interesting.

[@raeishimura]

Look, first story, everyone is going on about the "responsibility" of op and the sister, but I have to ask you all this. Did OP ever choose to foster this kid? No. The fact is OP is an adult. Adults have their own lives. The comment about stepkids meeting siblings as adults and never grew up together applies here. One is an adult, one is a child. The kid is 11. OP is an adult with their own life, and has no responsibility to do things for a child they literally don't know. OP is NTA, the parents are. They played manipulative BS games to try to force OP to go. I'd be ripping into the parents over this and telling them from now on, if she pulls crap like that again it's an instant no go.

[@jam2727]

ESH Parents for trying to manipulate OP OP for discarding their sibling for something that can easily be rescheduled for the next day or even for a later time. Like you said, OP is an adult and knows how to make adult decisions like rescheduling for their little sibling’s recital.

[@bailey7792]

@@jam2727 Except it ISNT HIS SIBLING lol. Its some kid his parents decided to foster for a few months, that he barely knows. The dinner was *already planned* , and OPs brother in laws entire side of the family was already attending. So I guess its fine to cancel on a big group of people, for a dinner that was already planned... for a kid they barely know, all for an event they never agreed they would attend in the first place. This wasn't some 2 or 3 person dinner. They canceled on an entire group (which was hard enough to coordinate mulitple people for the same day). The op barely knows this kid, and wasn't responsible for canceling plans that were already made, for a kid he doesn't even know. Are you actually insane? Or what?

[@ptaradactletime11]

You can be technically within your rights and still an asshole. We’re talking about this morally not logically.

[@rubymeaddle]

@@bailey7792 OP literally calls him her foster brother

[@jam2727]

@@bailey7792 It is OPs sibling, foster or not. It would’ve been a great way to build up the relationship. And notice how I didn’t say cancel the dinner. But yeah, I’m sorry for saying that OP should attend their new younger sibling’s recital and ask to reschedule a dinner that could easily be pushed closer or farther away instead of intersecting with the recital. Yes I’m insane for believing people should be conscious of children’s feelings and consider options instead of saying a flat out no. If OP just didn’t want to go that would be a different story. But they’re using the excuse of the extremely flexible dinner. Thank you for showing me the light and tuning reality to fit your narrative.

[@chits28]

1 - Children have no obligation to treat their parents' foster kids like siblings, especially when they have had no say in the decision of fostering the said child. NTA. The ytas are kinda crazy.

[@Snipergoat1]

Children are under no obligation to treat their own siblings like siblings. It doesn't mean that they are not assholes if they don't.

[@chits28]

@@Snipergoat1 I agree up to an extent, I'll just say this though if one have received care labour from an older sibling, it's the decent thing to reciprocate. If one wants to opt out of that with siblings, it's ideal that they communicate the same, something like 'I can't keep doing this, let's just be like two people who know each other or friends or whatever works'. If this is communicated the other siblings won't keep making concessions for their bro/sis or whatever. In case of foster kids, I don't think that communication is needed in the first place, cuz many foster kids are temporarily placed in a home. So even the parents haven't made a lifetime commitment in all cases. So imo the siblings don't owe anyone that basic conversation that kinda goes like 'don't expect me to treat you like an actual sibling'.

[@jdd9993]

OP's parents are fostering this child, not OP. This is not his responsibility. Other people are attending the dinner and the BIL would have problems rescheduling.

[@SnowyWolborg]

Exactly. The fact that Reddit feels so satisfied with this ending is unsettling. They basically just sent the message that it's okay to reserve other people's time and guilt trip, just as long as an unfortunate child is getting their way. This snooty, holier than thou trash is why I don't take Reddit advice seriously. Too many people with their heads in the clouds.

[@MySjenna]

You don't tell your child you don't like him. That can be devastating and the foundation for every negative feeling about themselves. You tell your child you don't like their behavior.

[@immortalsofar5314]

Yeah, going to an exe's kids school play was not the highlight of my social career, nor the pinacle of entertainment, but she wanted me there so I went. Kind of like weddings you know are doomed or funerals where you're trying not to smile, some things you just have to do. I don't even understand it myself - I used my distance from school to be excused taking part and _not_ have my parents see me in them.

[@ian7064]

Story 1: Soft YTA. The hand written invitation is what got me. I wouldn't be able to turn that down

[@omegasobsessions]

Story 1 - old etiquette rule is you never cancel existing event for a new one. Second part is the adult siblings didn’t agree to foster, the parents did.

[@curlykoala696]

Story 1: I'm frustrated with this situation and conflicted. My life lines up more with the older sister and essentially for her, the choice was snub your husband or snub your foster brother.

[@formershadow]

I KNEW story 2 was because he liked the boy. I KNEW IT!!!

[@TeethHoarderr]

First story; NTA I'm still on the side you shouldn't have gone, frankly while it is the parents fault for allowing a child to harass someone over the phone but you still gave in and rewarded that behavior, you've known the boy for how long-? he's a stranger you never signed up to be a foster sibling, the parents did.

[@alexshaw8167]

Oh my god. The adult children in the first story are so self centred. “ I went but it sucked and it was boring and I just wished I had steak. I couldn’t even use my phone!”

[@kaykay8855]

Story 1: NTA. Yes, it’s sucks that op will not be there for opening night but she didn’t agreed to go, her parents told the club/school to reserve seats for them without talking to them. Op and her siblings are adults, they didn’t grow up with their foster sibling and aren’t purposely excluding their foster sibling, they didn’t grow up together, so there isn’t much of a relationship. Story 2: NTA. The son is TA for obvious reasons because he’s a bully. You said you don’t like right now as in you don’t like the way he’s acting right now.

[@ptaradactletime11]

The dinner that could happen any night had to happen the during a very important moment for this traumatized child. I consider that purposely excluding the kiddo on the bil part.

[@kaykay8855]

@@ptaradactletime11 I don’t think so. Not everything is a deliberate attempt to exclude someone, for once I think this is purely coincidental. And I doubt that the older siblings not going will traumatized the foster brother. Again their parents reserved seats for the older siblings, who again are adults who have moved out and have their own lives. I think that the parents are manipulating the situation to where it’s a lose-lose situation.

[@fiyahquacker2835]

@@ptaradactletime11 he maybe traumatized but the parents ain't doing him any favors emotionally manipulating them and the their bio-kids.

[@Re_d20]

Story 1 OP would not be the asshole if they went to the dinner but by going to play, he made his foster brother really happy and sometimes it’s the small inconveniences from our part that make a huge difference in others lives.

[@gdog2001able]

Story 1: NTA, parents decided to be foster parents- children did not

[@astronautviolet153]

have a great Sunday everyone❤ poor baby wants to be part of the family.

[@2Cambell]

2nd story- Like and love are different things. OP loves her son, but doesn't like his behavior and how it makes him a jerk. It's a heads-up to him that he's behaving in a manner that you wouldn't want to embrace.

[@scottbehee7807]

Love all the empathy being shown here for a kid in foster care! ( sarcasm) and the reasoning for emotional neglect / abuse..

[@rubymeaddle]

Yeah there's a lot of alleged adults here that clearly needed to be hugged as kids

[@fiyahquacker2835]

You can be both empathic and seem unempathic to pansies.

[@silverstarmoon5802]

The first story, nta and its mat be harsh but op and his siblings have never have siblings bond with foster brother because the age difference, they have their own lives and their own family to attend. Also, the foster brother have this own family, why he need to invite op and his siblings.

[@Kati_P]

Story 1: OP believes fosters are only going to be in one's life temporarily, but that's not always the case. If there's love given and received fosters will try to, at the very least, keep in touch, but usually they will stay part of the family for the rest of their lives. My Uncle Eugene was disowned by his birth family when he came out as a teen. My grandparents fostered him until he turned 18, but there was never an adoption (I didn't ask why), and even though he lost touch for a while due to mental health issues and abusive partners he was welcomed back with open arms. My dad, aunts, and uncles have always treated him like a sibling, and he's always been and always will be my Uncle Eugene. Never underestimate the power of a small act of selfless kindness to a child. It can absolutely change their lives for the better and show them that there are still some compassionate, empathetic people left in the world.

[@Preston-Lee]

Enjoyed your natural speaking voice when you were giving your thoughts on the story

[@kumikor3392]

Story 1: NTA OP doesn't have to go anywhere they don't want to. The BIL said this date was the only open day for BIL's whole family. BIL didn't agree to go. OP doesn't have to go since they didn't agree either.

[@oliviahardin9046]

I feel bad for the foster child he sounds like he wants a relationship so bad

[@bleachparty8570]

Story 1: NTA. But honestly that poor child, I feel really bad for him. The update sounds nice tho.

[@cianap.281]

Story 1, the parents are the AH. Can't believe the mom is STILL arguing with the sister for not attending! So the Mom wanted the sister's husband to have to explain to his entire family why his own wife backed out of his dinner? "Sorry everyone, my wife's mom volunteered her to attend her foster brother's school play, so my wife had no choice but to go." Yeah, no.

[@nexuseagles6279]

First: NTA- I understand the situation and feel for the foster kid but OP and her sister are adults who have different lives. The parents really dropped the ball here. Did they really expect op's sister who married to attend a boring play over her husband's promotion dinner!? The parents set dangerous standard here. It was a dinner now but let's say op saves up for trip to Florida for a week and is set the leave the week of John's birthday. They could either promise op is attending his birthday or promise john that op is taking John with her to Florida as a present. Then just guilt her into doing that. Sorry but op and sister aren't AH because like or not this a foster kid they barely who only their temporarily yet there being held to extremely high expectations.

[@cindykq8086]

It's good the adults went to the foster brother's play, but I'd let my parents know that I'd be a no-show every time they accepted any invitation for me from then on.

[@CellarSinger]

With the first story, for me the big questions are who announced first and how much notice was for the brothers dinner. If the brother who got the promotion knew about the play which I hope his wife would have known about. He's a mild AH because it sounds like he has a larger family and when you're dealing with that many people always gets messy.

[@mercycunningham2813]

Story1: I'd flat out tell my parents they will be on timeout after the stunt they pulled. I'd be direct and tell fosterchild you are gooing no contact with your parents. Give him his own phone it's 2023 for goods sake and he is eleven! Tell him it's your secret and to contact you when he has his next play or if he is in trouble and needs your help or wants to talk. You just won't sit next to your parents but you will cheer for him. (No phone seems off to me, but no idea how the fostersystem works inthe US). I can live without steak but it's high time to set boundaries with those parents.

[@gabriellesummers1426]

I had to explain to my daughter when I said you are being ugly. I always used it as a behavior word not a how someone looks

[@rubymeaddle]

Story 1 feels like one of those stories where a little empathy could go a long way

[@iamhungey12345]

I wonder if the kid who fell off the stage saved the play.

[@Sutekh17]

En la historia 2, las madres en reddit NUNCA saben cómo manejar a sus hijos cuando hacen bullying y no hacen mención de como buscan ayuda. En ciertas ocasiones está bien regañarlo de esa forma pero cuando se llega al extremo de ser un bully debes de enseñar como deben de actuar. Porque evidentemente no se tomó el trabajo de enseñar a su hijo "como pensar" (como enseñar valores). 🤦🏻‍♀️ Lo primero que tuvo que hacer fue hablar con su hijo, enseñarle *porque* deben de disculparse y no obligarlo. Porque sino ¿En verdad será una buena disculpa? ¿En verdad solucionará el probable problema que tenga el chico? El pedir perdón debe de salir de él (como sucedió al final) no debe de ser "mi mamá me obligó".

[@Bleg94]

1. Story: NTA the parents are TA here, they caused that situation OP and his sister never agreed to go, there could've been ANY appointment they had beforehand the parents are stomping their childrens boundaries here, they believe that they are making the decision what their children do and don't do my parents also tried to do something like that in the past, neighbors/friends of them have a child with some mental developments problems (I really don't know the name) and aggression problems, at some point my brother and I learned to "defend" ourself against being the babysitter of him, for some time we always had appointments with friends often even lied about it because we didn't want to be around that boy (my brother is born in 92, that boy in 93 and I in 94, so pretty much similar ages), at some point our parents called us out on it and even berated us for "ruining their friends timeout" after which we made it clear that we will not play with him because of his behavior in the long run that may or may not caused their (neighbors) inevitable divorce and caused them to move away, but they could've also just gotten a sitter instead of pawning him off to "his friends" (we also told our parents constantly that we don't like him because of his aggression problems) 2. Story: I feel that story, my parents called my brother once a huge asshole after he behaved like an huge asshole towards us all (I think he was 13 or so?) at first it looked like him getting called an asshole made him become kinda depressed, but he actually thought about his behavior, apologized afterwards and told my parents the reason for that, he himself was bullied at school for being german (in fricking germany), the teachers refused to do anything since the bullies were obviously not german but turks and arabs and they didn't want to look like racists for punishing children with immigrant background long story short, he became way nicer after he transfered schools edit: Oh and when my parents confronted the childrens parents the bullying obviously got worse and the parents only reacted with something along the lines of "he has only himself to blame for being such a nerd" (as in more or less actively participating in class and doing his homework most of the time) I think it is needless to say that this school got a certain reputation after some time for just a little better than a "Hauptschule" which is basically the lowest form of school (level wise) for children between 12 and 16 3. Story: "does someone stealing my underwear count as theft" ... STEALING

[@carlrood4457]

I got word through my eldest so that my youngest and his friends were making fun of the person doing cleanup at the park because he had to clean animal droppings. My older boy's friend witnessed it and they were out of earshot of the man. You can bet my son heard about ithe value of all honest work. Even his older siblings let him know it was not cool, which was probably more effective. My youngest and his friends are very much into sports and bike riding, so he should appreciate a clean park

[@zerobolt9506]

I don't think OP in the first story was an AH, but it's still good that he went

[@animerockgirl1]

story one: the kid that fell off the stage that's funny.😂😂😂 The same thing happened at my school just replaced the kid with a 30 white tall female teacher wearing heels dancing to Beyonce's single Ladies and falling of the stage. It was hilarious ( she was ok)

[@kristys7172]

You can't make plans for someone, then inform them that they are showing up. The ops parents are the AH.

[@SnowyWolborg]

This is the biggest problem in the story. They volunteered his time, and then tried to emotionally guilt-tripping into going.

[@katie6731]

My parents used to say, "I love you, and I always will, but I don't love it when you do [x behavior]." It was a good reminder that they weren't abandoning me, while driving home the lesson that I was behaving inappropriately at that moment. They made sure I knew the difference between caring about someone as a person, and disliking or disagreeing with something they did. Regarding making amends . . .when I was very young, my mother apologized for something she said that hurt my feelings. It was a huge lesson for me--as is evident by the fact that I remember it, even though I was only three or four at the time. It's hard work to give an apology and mean it. Nobody likes acknowledging--much less admitting--that they feel regret for doing something wrong. It's especially difficult to admit it directly to the person who was hurt. The hit to the pride is difficult to accept, but relationships and integrity are more important than misplaced pride. Mama's apology helped teach me that no one is above humbling themself when they've done something wrong.

[@TakoTenshi94]

Okay....what was the leap of logic for that last comment in the update of story 3? I swear Reddit sometimes smh...

[@DarkwaveMistress]

1st. NTA. The parents choose to foster a child and the siblings have responsibility? No. They are adults and have lives. Poor kid, but the parents ATA. 2nd. NTA. Kids are unlikable sometimes and parents are allowed to not like them sometimes. And letting them know they are being unlikable is an eye opener.

[@suehirsch6545]

Dinner over foster brother's play: NTA. You're an adult and not related and hardly know him. Your parents decided to foster, not you. You're not the one who lied to him that you cancelled. Your parents lied to him by telling him that you were going, then compounded that lie by telling him that you had cancelled and riled him against you needlessly. You're a grown man with your own life, and foster bro will hear "no" a lot in his life, and your parents should be teaching him how to accept rejection gracefully and remember that "no" doesn't mean it's the end of the world or an end to other opportunities. You didn't plan the fancy meal and had nothing to do with the date and can't change it so your parents were AHs big time for gaslighting and blaming you for the date conflict when they signed you up to watch a grade school play without asking you first. Re the update: It's really nice of you to have sacrificed your nice evening out for this kid's play, but you need to get some distance from your parents, so that they can't do this anymore or learn to NOT do it. Take your life back, and keep in mind that your WIFE is NOT someone who is going to be in your life TEMPORARILY. No one gets to judge her for how she lives her life or where she goes, and you need to side with HER over everyone else. It's in the marriage vows. (Cling to each other and forsake all others). You need to sternly talk to your parents about how they treated your wife, and grovel to your wife with flowers and a nice dinnner.

[@phoenixwaddell6093]

Right I feel it would be a little different if they had the foster kid his whole life but OP and sister have been adalts longer then they have known this kid. It's not a "nothing" dinner as a lot of people are saying it's a selabrashen dinner because the husband/Brother in law got promoted "why cant you do it before or after the play" because then he would have to invite and include the parents and kid which brother in law obviously didn't want to do. OP's parents made plans and promises for them and now they are getting called and asshole because they aren't bending over backwards and dropping everything for this kid they barely know.

[@stevebanner5609]

MARKEE: YTA this time. His parents invited him w/o even telling him? Can I book a dinner in the middle of the week for you Markee then tell you that you have to come? Both things should have been brought before the OP in order to make a decision; clearly the only considerate one is the brother in law. BTW the parents ATA too for assuming they can justify his time w/o consulting him… I’m older and have seen disrespect but his parents……

[@97scarletwitch]

Ugh, he's an 11 year old kid who was excited to have his family at his play. We don't know his history, we don't know what issues he's had. My heart broke thinking of him making invitations and being so excited only for them to choose a fancy dinner over him.

[@azulyraazul9287]

Exactly this. i don't blame op much since they didn't have an initial say on this and they were kinda emotionally manipulated but i also feel for the child knowing that his perceived family abandoned him for another celebration they could have chosen not to go in the first place. I mean the kid didn't choose to interfere with op's plans

[@mindyschocolate]

Yeah, going to the play was the right choice. Foster kids get a bad rap and need extra love. You can reschedule dinners and have both experiences.

[@RudesMom]

@@mindyschocolate This was a dinner that OP had no part in scheduling. OP was invited as a GUEST and there a number of other guests as well. This was the date that worked for the majority of the guests. There was no rescheduling, the dinner went on as planned even though ONE of the invited guests didn't/couldn't make it. OP got the one, subpar experience (bad food, uncomfortable seating, two hours of being bored, getting takeout at grandmas). Yes, OP did the right thing by going to the play but the parents are the AH in this situation. Sis and BIL are no longer part of their household and mommy doesn't get to demand that they cater to her foster child. Mommy also doesn't get to tell the foster kid that everyone will show up, setting him up to be crushed when that doesn't happen because those people have their own plans.

[@clarehidalgo]

Op's parents are the AHs for lying to the kid that everyone was coming then lying again that they canceled on him.

[@untiedshoelaces2588]

Story 1: OP was placed between a rock and an hard place - either choice would have ended up disappointing someone. I do question the parents for what happened. IMO, it just reeks of manipulation towards the foster brother in getting his hopes up and allowing him to call the elder children, to guilting the adult children into attending the play. I figured they should have just told the foster kid that they would attend if they were able - they are adults with lives of their own, after all.

[@naphn8453]

Last story: That child should be closely watched. Many serial sexual predators start off with so called, "nusiance crimes," such as stealing underwear or peeping in windows. Hopefully they get him professional help.

[@ShanaLawson]

I think it depends when the bil knew about the opening night. They should be supporting the child. Aww poor babies don’t get to go to a fancy dinner 🙄 This world is getting full of selfish people. “How dare you inconvenience me?!”

[@KatonNeko]

I have to say NTA. The parents were the one who committed the others knowing they had the dinner.

[@bdf1696]

Old video but I'll throw in my 2 cents. For the first story I'd vote NTA. One thing I didn't see anyone mention in the post or comments is that OP's parents more than likely had the schedule for any plays that would occur. In my experience in dealing with friends who did theater, they have a schedule for when the plays will happen. Those don't just pop up out of nowhere. With that in mind they wait until the last minute to tell OP that the foster is having the play and try to guilt trip OP with it when 1) They confirmed for OP before even getting said confirmation 2) Didn't ask if OP already had prior plans (which anyone would do when inviting people to something regardless of familial status, barring extreme cases such as funerals or the like.) 3) As I've stated above waiting for the last damn minute to even say anything. Look from the way OP presented their feelings toward their foster sibling I'm sure if given the notice of the play well beforehand they would've attended. But as is the case in most of these stories the fumble comes from the parents lack of communication rather than the other siblings.

[@jacksparrowismydaddy]

I wouldn't say "I don't like you" I would say "I love you but the person you are being right now sucks"

[@katwitanruna]

I would tell my kids I didn’t like their behavior.

[@Psyko1323]

Story 2: IMO the mother was the only AH there. OP was very kind to go to the performance, but the mother is still going after her daughter for wanting to support her own husband... yeah no.

[@donavonseibert507]

Boys/men that steal underwear are SO mf weird. I've had my underwear stolen and it's incredibly violating. Especially when the dude *told me* he stole my underwear. It was sooooo freaking awkward.

[@tayloredwards1675]

Wonder if that kid in the last story got the idea from SpongeBob, ya know, panty raid?

[@axolotlstrange406]

The only reason why I'd go with YTA ignoring the parents and what they did is the pure fact this kid is 11, a foster kid on top of that, and he's excited to show his new family whether temporary or forever and a way to express himself by even making invitations and stuff for them, you can take two hours outta your day to see a play even if a shitty one for kids, Lord knows why Trevor was removed from his family custody even if they were there

[@axolotlstrange406]

Story 2: the moment the kid said that nobody liked that F, I would've slapped in-

[@shadowkissed2370]

There are a lot of selfish worthless people in this world. As an ex foster child op and her whole family including her parents are emotionally and mentally harming that foster child. I am happy to know that op actually went, that will mean much more to her foster brother than she will ever know. I think the biggest problem is she sees the situation as a child she will know for a little while. When in reality even if he is moved to a different foster home she still can be in his life for a long time. Don't negate him because he might not be in your life for long. It can take a short amount of time to change a child's life.

[@clarehidalgo]

Yeah, OP's parents started the problem by lying to Johnathan and setting him up for disappointment

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@clarehidalgo Yes her parents are responsible for the brunt of the harm to the child.

[@alfr1]

If he was still bullying the gay kid, I would give that kid presents for his Birthday and Christmas. Ex's are always blamed for the breakup for a thousand different reasons, and usually the reason changes with every discussion.

[@adrianacasares1130]

Srory 1 NTA. I hate People that accept invitations at other Peoples names and then act all offended when People can not go. The Kid and the mother harassing the People in the Family that can not go its just bondaries stomping actitude and is just going to create Family problems. Its a compromise with the Husband Family that she can not leave just because the mother did not bother to ask before accept an invitation at other People name

[@christopherjones8448]

What the hell is wrong with these people in the first story..? "HOW DARE YOU HAVE A LIFE OP!?!" Op is an adult, they should be allowed to live their lives, the foster sibling might be disappointed but that is on the parents for all the lying they did

[@Mama_Bear_of_3]

I had a similar issue. When my mother and my stepfather got married he married he and his son that was 13 at the time moved in with us. I was 16. All of a sudden I started noticing that my underwear and bra would disappear in period I assumed maybe they were misplaced or my mother took them thinking they were hers.. Unfortunately one day my mother was cleaning out our bedrooms and in the corner of my stepbrothers closet she found all of my missing underwear and bras! When my stepdad confronted him about it, he did admit to haven't taken them. So, my stepdad made him pay me back the value of the items, and got my stepbrother into counseling. My. My stepbrother now 20 years later is my best friend. He was just 13 and in that stage of curiosity and he did what he did.

[@crafteuphoria3608]

For the stolen lingerie the landlord needs to put a camera in the laundry rooms to catch the thief. Irrefutable proof. As long as they put up signage informing tenants they are being recorded they are in the clear.

[@andrewi.crocker8675]

Story 1: I dont see why the date of the dinner couldn't have been changed? OP says BIL chose that date because, "it worked best for everyone" except it obviously doesn't. Also, it sounds like the date of the play was set long before the dinner

[@i_am_bisexual_or_something3132]

It kind of sounds like the bil booked the reservation at the restaurant before the invitation to the play was received

[@bailey7792]

Because why should BIL and his entire family, have to cancel a dinner they planned first, for a kid they barely know, and aren't related to? So mulitple people should rearrange/cancel their plans that were already made... to attend an even that was planned afterwards, that they never agreed to attend? Wtf lol?

[@moakristenssom936]

BL didn't know about the play when he set the date, and OP said his sister was probably already planning to not go when she got the invitation to the play, so therefore didn't tell BL about it. So aside from OP and his sister, no one else going to the dinner had anything planned on that evening. And many people seem to either miss or ignore that this wasn't just a dinner for OP, sis and BL, where it can easily be rescheduled. But most of BL's family will attend and this is the only date in a long time they all will be able to be there

[@iamhungey12345]

Whether the OP is the AH or not, one thing is certain, the biggest AHs are the parents for setting this up to begin with.