I Made A Custom Cookbook For My Granddaughter's 18th And Her Mom Is NOT Happy r/Relationships

[@staylor3483]

A dog growling at a child after some time of being harassed by the child is only a warning for them to stop their behavior or for the adults to stop the child from harassing the dog... nothing more & does not warrant putting the dog down. This sounds more like the child's father refusing to parent his daughter.

[@Daydream_N]

Yeah and I'm sure if they went to a vet and said "my niece was physically harassing the dog and he growled at her one single time so we have to put him down" the vet would not be happy

[@Russman67]

In the brother's head "his little angel can do no wrong". Having multiple people come and talk to him is not moving him because his little angel can do no wrong. The only thing that's going to change his mind is when the little angel approaches the wrong dog. I feel bad for the kid because she's not getting prepared for what can happen.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I hope the niece never encounters any aggressive or untrained dogs, cuz it will end badly. But even then the brother will probably still think the dog is at fault and not the nieces behaviour, causing that dog to be put down. Ugg, I hate such people.

[@jaymel4691]

Sounds like Dad needs to learn about treating animals with respect himself before he can teach his daughter. The dog can't talk and say "stop, that's enough" so he growled. One growl, especially after the kid has been continually harrassing the poor dog, is not an attack. I'd just leave him alone and let him sulk until.he gets it out of his system. His complaining about everyone else in the family "siding with the dog over my human child" really shows that no one else agrees with him and makes me wonder if things like this have happened before with other people. I'm also not so sure I believe that je's such a great guy/father if he's this angry and complaining that "no one" agrees with him. Is he this unreasonable in other things too? He sounds like a dick. Animals are not toys to play with and niece will learn that the hard way if her parents won't teach her boundaries.

[@travislee3203]

The brother is being stubbornly stupid. His daughter will, at some point, try treating another dog like a disposable stuffed animal, and that dog WILL bite her AT THE VERY LEAST. If that Dog is a stray, or disposed to aggression It will NOT BE JUST A GROWL, or a little nip. THAT dog WILL be executed; this untrained child will get a lifelong fear of dogs. AND IT WILL ALL BE THE FAULT OF THE BROTHER. Yeah, the brother is a fool. A stubborn, dangerous fool. His daughter will pay The price. If he won’t listen, the mother has to train the niece. She has to learn, Before she meets the wrong dog.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 2: OP stop making excuses for your horrible excuse of a sibling. Even his wife is done with his bs. You are just enabling his behaviour with your excuses.

[@jboy804]

Yeah, OP's defense of his brother shows "family over logic" mentality. In their original post, where they are being defensive, they laid out the immense of times the father repeatedly allowed the daughter into a potentially dangerous situation. This is not ONE situation, it's simply the culmination of all these events, which shows the type of person his brother is.

[@ellorasg4525]

@@jboy804 right? The fact his wife was done with his bs should have been proof enough. Guess OP is one of those perpetually optimistic people.

[@zachf748]

OP’s brother saying *_"Another parent won’t be so understanding"_* is hilarious. Uh, you want the dog dead for growling. It doesn’t get less understanding than that.

[@hiro4344]

I know right? Ooooh I want to hit him!

[@marleneperry6972]

L

[@recycledapathy7411]

Another parent won't let their kid torture the dog repeatedly till it finally gets sick of that crap.

[@fleacythesheepgirl]

If anything the next dog won’t be so well behaved.

[@AmyRuby]

This!!!! My husband has a buddy who has a huge dog with questionable training. You know what I do? I just don’t go there with my kids! The few times I have been there I watch the kids like a hawk (think swimming) and we don’t stay that long. Like 2 to 3 hours instead of like 10 hours. We do stuff out of the house, or my husband goes on his own. Sounds like OPs brother has unrealistic expectations. I get not wanting to have your kid around an unsafe animal, but seriously? You can’t dictate what other people do with their family members. My kids are 3 and 4 and need tons of reminders about being appropriate with animals but have never been been growled at or hissed at/swiped (we have cats). Setting limits for the child’s behaviour is absolutely the parents responsibility. Shame on the dad.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

"Her mum took me aside and told me the cookbook was too cheap." Erm, I bet that cookbook was NOT cheap. I printed out one of my books as a birthday gift for my cousin who loves reading last year. It's hella expensive to print a single copy of a book. Especially a hardcover, or a medieval looking cover like OP made.

[@shizanketsuga8696]

OP's brother in story 2 is basically just a textbook example of a Karen screaming "Why won't anybody think of the children?" while refusing to do the bare minimum to educate his.

[@LunaP1]

Like Mrs. Lovejoy from The Simpsons, he's a hypocrite.

[@immapotato1]

I suspect the spoiling the kid is the main fight between SIL and bro. a lot of times if one parent is spoiling a kids bratty behavior the other one would "support" them in public while protesting in private which I suspect is the situation here.

[@JayeEllis]

Hit the nail on the head.

[@shizanketsuga8696]

@@immapotato1 Yeah, I would expect as much considering that SIL came to visit alone while the brother kept their daughter at home with him while he pouted about OP _somehow_ not wanting to kill her dog just because of his delusional demand.

[@MrJpaynebb]

Brother is digging in. He feels he is in the right because his child trumps a dog and he's feeling attacked over his parenting skills not just by OP but also his wife. His wife attended the dinner. His wife is going on a hike and still socializing with OP and the other in-laws. Seems like the family believes the brother is at fault for not teaching is kid how to behave with the dog nor watch her properly around the dog. I know parents get defensive when anyone criticizes their parenting skills especially those of us who have no kids but sometimes that criticism has nothing to do with whether you are or are not a parent but common sense. Common sense tells us kids can be rough when playing with pets so they need to be watched and taught how to interact with them. This just reminds me that sometimes people even parents ignore common sense just because it's their kid.

[@sasstrash316]

Bruh if my grandmother was still alive and made me an ACTUAL COOKBOOK OF HER RECIPES I’d be so damn grateful and so would my mom! Grandma’s old recipes are some of the only things I’ve got from her and those are stuffed in the random cookbook on small cards.

[@JeanMenzigian]

If you have the cards scan them to a computer and you can add notes, memories and family pictures. I did this with a cookbook my grandmother gave to all of us. I printed out copies and bound them into a book and gave to everyone. My daughter has a copy and loves it as a way to remember her Great grandmother.

[@jenniferconner3843]

My mom couldn't afford a birthday present for me one year so she gave me one of my most treasured gifts. It was my great grandma's hand written recipe for a cookie she made all the time. Grammy had been dead for over 20 years when I got the gift. I found someone that can laser etch it onto wood like a giant recipe card. I'm planning on having that done to hang in my kitchen.

[@jennilynne1977]

When my grandma passed away and we went through her kitchen, I found a cookbook that she got at church (it had a couple other recipes she used written in it) and I kept it even though I don't really cook.

[@mage1439]

Anybody with a close family knows those recipes are the pinnacle of things you can pass down, better than any physical gift.

[@mage1439]

@@jenniferconner3843 That's really cool, the laser etched recipe.

[@monicacurtis3986]

Story 2: I grew up around dogs and my two kids love our three dogs. From day one, my husband and I taught our kids that you do not pull tails, ears, legs, or do anything that would hurt the dogs. At 8 and 6, the kids are very gentle and loving with the dogs and the dogs LOVE their little humans. I understand OP doesn't want to make her brother look bad, but he's not doing his daughter any favors by letting her abuse animals. He needs to grow up and actually parent his child.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Also I often wonder if the children model their parents treatment of animals or children.

[@Daydream_N]

OPs brother is absolutely delusional. He basically admits it was his daughters fault but still wants the dog punished. I already know the second this little girl meets a different dog, she's gonna get bit. She has no reason to be around any animals if she thinks they're just toys

[@hiro4344]

Imagine if she went after a cat. Wonder if he'd say the cat had to be put down or if it would get a pass for being a different, smaller animal. If she went after anything smaller like rabbits and smaller critters I'd wager she would kill them if not seriously injure them with how she acts.

[@Daydream_N]

@@hiro4344 a cat would absolutely just swipe her, no warning. He should be grateful the dog gave a warning

[@terramarini6880]

@@hiro4344 Believe it or not a rabbit would mess that kid up if she abused it, I have known a rabbit that was rescued from abuse and it was aggressive and would attack like the rabbit in Monty Python's search for the holy grail movie.

[@Merryfrances]

Story 2: growling is a POSITIVE thing! It’s the dog’s verbal warning. Like OP said, the worst case scenario is the dog “attacking” (defending itself) without giving the warning first. Dogs should never be punished for giving that warning growl. When my son was born, I brought in a dog trainer to help me learn how to read my dog’s signals around the newborn and train the humans to respond appropriately. We need to stop punishing dog for human errors.

[@gremlinwife4326]

op in story 2 did everything to work with their brother and help him understand and he refused to every single time, and just demanded things go his way. While i understand how they feel about their brother completely, doesn't change the fact that he is most definitely being a dick and the fact that he's willing to destroy his relationship with his family over something that is not that big of a deal. I was a dog trainer once upon a time, if growling is the worst thing he's ever done that's a damn good dog.

[@GMAMEC]

Right, what was the dog supposed to do? That would have been my first question.

[@scottcandace]

I like that no matter how many times, or who explained it, brother just "doesn't understand". It's not that he doesn't understand, he's a lazy douchecanoe that can't be bothered to educate himself or his child. I would say OP is much better off with the brother pitching his little fit, because now she doesn't have to constantly be nervous about her niece getting injured because her brother in neglectful. I think OP should reverse this narrative, and call CPS because the parents are encouraging their child to abuse animals and then threatening the owner of those animals with euthanasia. Yes she is a HUMAN, with the capacity to learn, after all even the DOG knows better than to physically abuse the little girl. Brother must think his kid is the dumbest child on the planet. Of course, look who the parents are.....

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 2: A pouty, neurotic and unreasonable narcissistic. I wonder how you _can be_ close to a brother like that and not get frequent migraines.

[@oliviaspring9690]

The brothers was literally warned multiple times that it was an issue. While OP blames themselves, they did actually try. His daughter is his responsibility.

[@keplersdream901]

@@oliviaspring9690 No, she didn’t. OP could have grown a SPINE, acted like an adult, and told her brother that he and daughter could not come over until the kid learns how to treat animals. The dog lives there; kid does not. Yet OP allowed herself to be bullied by asshole bro. Unfortunately, the dog will pay the price for HER childish behavior.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

Exactly. That brother is a huge jackass. No wonder he’s raising a brat.

[@vitterling]

Story 2 - I feel like this behaviour around animals not being corrected will not only be a danger with animals she encounters, but could also be a problem in regard to other kids. Learning to respect the boundaries and personal space and bodily autonomy of others is important, and if you don't get that reinforced with other animals, what's to say you get that it's important with humans? Also, I feel like OP is very much an AH in this for letting this go on for so long with her poor dog.

[@buckeyenative1365]

That will be the child excluded from classmates' birthday parties. The parents will then take to Reddit to complain. I had a dog that was so good with children (they could use him as a pillow) that if he didn't want to be around a child I knew that child needed to be kept away for my dog's protection.

[@LunaP1]

​@Last Chance it's both. The brother just wants to blame everyone else for his shitty parenting.

[@RuminatingRaptor]

@@LunaP1 That must run in the family, look how much OP tried excusing her brother’s behaviour and was sucking up to him, instead of outright telling him he’s putting his daughter’s health and safety in jeopardy. His parenting needs to be questioned because he’s being a bad father. Sounds like he’s a brat, just like his daughter. Plus, the parents staying out of it says a lot too. OP had had a lifetime of being conditioned to coddle her brother.

[@LunaP1]

@@RuminatingRaptor OP isn't the golden child. She's probably dealt with his shitty behavior throughout her whole youth and their parents never punished him but told her to deal with it because "fAmIlY". She should take a que from SiL and stand her ground.

[@damien678]

That is a concern but not necessarily a guarantee. I witnessed DV really early on and while I'd get into fights with other kids I also never wanted to hurt an animal or get into fights with them. I even protected insects from being unnecessarily squished by other kids. People react in different ways to different things. Again, it is a genuine concern to have, but she may not react that way. She might be the type to only pick on things she sees as smaller/weaker than herself

[@hbomb0417]

OP says in her edit to not think badly of her daughter-in-law and to cut her some slack excuse me Op you didn’t do anything wrong let alone didn’t ruin your sons marriage. YOUR DIL RUINED HER OWN MARRIAGE all because she prefers expensive high society things that are beyond her spending needs and if it wasn’t the cookbook it would have been something else that would have been the straw that broke the camels back or worse broken the bank and put them in severe debt all because DIL wants to live like a Kardashian instead of basic middle class income families.

[@locusxe1411]

Exactly. Op is trying to be way too lenient with her ex DIL. She shouldn’t be excusing that. She was literally bad enough to the point her own children didn’t want to be with her anymore

[@CrookiNari]

I knew right from the title of the video that the pouty mum was not the daughter of the grandmother.

[@recycledapathy7411]

OP is way, way more forgiving than I would have been in that situation. It's clear that the DIL treats relationships as transactional, and specifically financial transactions. The fact that she didn't appreciate OP's work at putting together a very thoughtful and loved gift for OP's granddaughter is just the tip of the iceberg since she probably also doesn't appreciate the hard work that her husband does or anything her kids do either other than as status symbols. When your grandkid is like, "Hey, can we come and crash at your place for a while?" it kind of shows that the DIL has been toxic for a while and the kids (as well as their dad) have finally had enough.

[@ScooterBond1970]

"My DIL is actually a very nice person, really she is, BUT..."

[@dmb25108]

Story1: Prada Bag price approx $2k Grandma’s custom made cookbook price $20+ time Prada Bag Value: $20 Grandma’s cookbook value: Priceless

[@Ospyro3em]

Story 2- it's sad the lengths people will go to just to avoid admitting they were the one in the wrong. Brother seriously needs to grow up.

[@Brizlebird]

I’m beyond sad that Rita’s grandmother is doubting her thoughtful and personal gift. This gift was the most incredible and likely most thoughtful gift she received on her 18th. Of all the gifts she received, this will be the one she will remember, because she loves to cook.

[@emilyslicer2843]

Bro I teared up Like I would love to get that, and I would love to give that to someone else and I would be crushed as well in this situation

[@willSugar]

Story 2 I absolutely agree. Growling is communication. He was saying "i am done" That sounds like a good dog. I have a large dog as well as a toddler. They love each other but i still would not leave them alone together and I dont let my son tug his tail or poke his eye. It is about respecting your pet and teaching your child to respect them as well.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

As someone who loves to cook and bake, and basically wrote my own book of family recipes, this sounds like an amazing gift. While monetary gifts can be great, so can sentimental ones.

[@susanlayton2143]

The gifts that hold sentimental value are the ones that (I know to me anyway) are the ones that mean the most.

[@Barlmoro]

and it can preserve the resepies of your favorit childhood dishes as your granny made.

[@Aaron-kj8dv]

If someone offered me their own family recipes or $150 I'd ask for the cookbook. That's such a cool gift.

[@JeanMenzigian]

My grandmother made a family cookbook for all of us as Christmas gifts when I was younger. I later redid on the computer and added family photos. Everyone loved it because these recipes are one of the most valuable things we have.

[@shanittathompson2039]

And the book is made Medieval Style! ❤

[@kaykay8855]

I heard the first story before: op not only to take time to write (not type) a cookbook for their granddaughter, who loves cooking, and DIL wanted a expensive gift that’s not even for her. Story 2: NTA. Op has warned their brother about niece’s behavior towards their dog. Like people, animals don’t like being harassed. A growl is a warning, op’s brother is an a*ss.

[@Sherwoody]

The cookbook will be with her longer than a designer bag.

[@kaykay8855]

@@Sherwoody right. There’s a difference between materialistic and being greedy. The gift wasn’t for DIL but for her daughter who loves to cook.

[@Sherwoody]

@@kaykay8855 there may come a time when the granddaughter has a grandchild of her own, and this may become an heirloom.

[@LunaMane]

And with Story #2, at least an animal will give you a warning. If the niece was pestering another human they'd just knock her out.

[@coreymartin6486]

Interesting how the DiL accused OP about making the gift about her(op).....when she(dil) is the one projecting and making the gift to be what she would have wanted.

[@carlrood4457]

I like the idea of a fantasy/medieval themed cookbook, even though I'm note really into either. It can look like a spellbook, but have something actually useful in it. I could see that selling quite well.

[@damien678]

Especially if it's historic/really old recipes and methods of cooking Although spellbooks do have their uses...if you're into that kinda stuff. A recipe book would have may more appeal though you right

[@FriedaMMartin]

She made her heirloom quality gift and her mom snubbed it. That’s horrible

[@meadowsong8560]

Story 1. A custom cookbook from my grandma would send me and my mom into grateful tears. That is such a wonderful and precious gift. NTA.

[@LaterTater8]

My Mum has this "famous" red binder of all our favourite recipes in it: usually with the family recipes, but also ones she picked up from magazines or the paper. She knew this was the main item all three of us would be fighting over the most, so she's been transcribing these into word documents for the last 10+ years so we can all have a copy. She's honestly a treasure.

[@carac8577]

My mom has a red folder that she adds too 😂❤ one of these days I'm gunna 'steal' it so I can make a copy & put together a family cookbook (it's currently lost in a box since they moved but one day we hope to find it😅)

[@CarinaCoffee]

Story 1: oh I bet this was one of, if not THE favourite present of that day for the granddaughter. I'd have been worried if this was some traditionalist "prepare a young woman to run a household" sort of thing, but in this case it was just a thoughtful gift on a topic they both immensely enjoy.

[@ivorynk752]

Story 2: How is brother supposed to teach daughter to respect animals if he himself doesn't respect animals? That's the problem here.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

The only mistake OP made is being too soft on her brother and niece. If this problem has persisted for a *year* then she should’ve gotten the hint that she should’ve went with a firmer approach. If no amount of explanations or rationalization got through to him then she should’ve just straight up told him to mind his unruly daughter or get out and stay out until she could behave. Don’t know why she posted on Reddit if all she did was ignore the advice given and keep implementing her failed methods.

[@ophilianecr]

Yup. Spineless! She's choosing to avoid confrontation and not implement boundaries and would rather let the kid stress out the dog for OVER A YEAR!!! 🙄😒😮‍💨. No wonder she can't put down a boundary now, she never has before so why would her brother respect her now??

[@hotjanuary]

Ugh. I can’t stand people like OP. Spineless people are so mean while pretending to be nice and agreeable. Who suffered for a year? The dog. It’s the ones with no power that suffer when spineless people have authority/care of them. Her avoidance to boundaries and confrontation makes her very mean to the powerless dog in her care.

[@jboy804]

@@hotjanuary You know, as a dog lover, this is honestly the best take.

[@VeireDame]

Right??? OP needed to be firm and blunt: "Niece needs to be taught how to respect animals, because if she keeps harassing them like she does my dog she WILL eventually push an animal to their breaking point and then she WILL get her FACE eaten off for it. She will either be MAIMED FOR LIFE or LITERALLY DIE if we don't teach her NOW. This is a major safety issue, so there will be ZERO negotiation." If her brother had still let the kid do that and even SIL wasn't on board for some reason, niece would be forbidden from interacting w/ dog. Full stop. Ban the whole family from your home if you have to. OP isn't TA here, but they're not entirely free from blame. This shit should've been taken seriously from the FIRST MOMENT IT WAS NOTICED and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. the niece harassed the dog after that. Constant reinforcement of "that is NOT how we treat our animal friends! >:(" was needed from ALL adults involved--OP included. And if her brother got a bruised ego from it? TOO FUCKING BAD! Safety of a child overrides the parent's ego EVERY time.

[@ScooterBond1970]

Daddy Flanders: "We've tried NOTHING and we're all out of ideas!"

[@kristybrown4146]

I feel for the niece in the last story. It seems like her dad is "protecting" her from the consequences of her actions. When he eventually can't protect her anymore the consequences will most likely be bigger than those now. Let her learn the lessons when the consequences are less. A growl now versus a bite later.

[@catandrobbyflores]

Let her get bit, it's the only way both father and daughter are going to learn.

[@IzzyCoventina]

Last story: I've dealt with many people like the OPs brother, especially as a shelter employee. I've had people yell at dogs when they growled all cause the kids were being too much. I would teach a very simple thing by asking to do an exercise. I would have them poke me & poke me until I told them to stop. Then I'd have the child do so to me till I told them to stop. The parent would then do it to the kid until they asked to stop. Afterwards I would explain to them that we communicate with words to one another but animals cannot, that growling & other sounds are their only way to communicate. Like us they have boundaries. It would actually work almost all the time.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: If someone gave me a custom made cook book with all of my late grandma's recipes I would be over the moon. I would be bragging about it to everyone. I miss her so much.

[@Monada79]

My friend gifted me a photo book of photos she took of our friend over the years. He was a singer. It's absolutely beautiful and even though we've been struggling alot with his loss, it's such a wonderful treasure to have. The fact that she gifted one identical to his mum is very meaningful.

[@whims6278]

I have a family who tries to throw money and pricey things around in place of actual emotional support or love. Hearing that this grandmother cared about and knew so much about her granddaughter that she could make her such a special gift brought me to tears and I would kill to have a family like that. A family who actually saw me and knew me And didn't see money as a replacement for love Wow and she's so graceful about her DIL despite what's going on. This grandma is goals

[@AndyyWithAY]

Recipes are priceless. My gram used to make a ton of amazing desserts, poundcake, cheesecake, the best banana pudding you could ever imagine. The pudding was fluffy like custard or something. I wish I'd asked her for that pudding recipe before she passed. Those recipes will keep OP alive forever, what a fabulous idea

[@rion354]

Exactly, my husband finally gotten his grandma's chicken and dumplings recipe. He uses the rolling pin that his grandma used and the same knife she used when cutting the dumplings.

[@sardonically-inclined7645]

Story 1: She can think it was "Sparked by her gift" but it was already on a mountain of dry kindling and salted with gunpowder. Hoping the family pulls through, without the spendthrift.

[@staylor3483]

My daughter's prize possessions are the handwritten cookbooks or her paternal great-grandmother, maternal great-grandfather, & maternal grandmother. These are precious gifts that nobody else in the world can duplicate. OP, you saw your granddaughter's love for cooking and had a beautiful gift made specifically for her from your heart. Nerts to her mother, who only values expensive gifts. Be aware, though, that the mother will most likely try to throw your lovely gift away.

[@raicantgame6634]

God, I teared up hearing about the gift and reasoning for it in the first one, thinking about how I'd feel getting something like that from my own grandparents. I would probably cry from happiness and sentimentality on the spot. And the granddaughter wants to go to culinary school, so it's even more on point if cooking is so important to her, and it was even stylized to fit her other interests! It may not have cost a ton of money, but it was exceedingly thoughtful and sentimental. And I think that should mean way more than a price tag. It's not "cheap". It's priceless.

[@heathermcdonald9469]

Ok I didn’t even make it through the first story yet, but as someone who lost all grandparents before I was 17, I would have treasured a personalized cookbook from one of them.

[@JoJoGranum]

My maternal grandmother had these old Armenian recipes she didn’t write down. I miss her and the love she put into her cooking. She had her own methods that can’t be captured in re-creation. Edit: one of my cats hissed at my 4 yo but it was like a lecture.. gentle paw on arm and then a hiss in the face. My son cried but he learned to leave the cat alone if he wants. I also explained that cats are like people get angry too.

[@ArcaneNim]

My paternal grandmother's Chihuahua snapped at me when I was a kid. My grandma told me he was in a bad mood and to not pester him. (I was trying to put a party hat on him, not my brightest move. Lol)

[@brie1162]

3:25 I’m 41, (ok, I’m really far from 18) but when I was younger and even now, I LOVE getting things that have “thought and love” over a price tag. My grandfather (God rest him) made me a leather sheath for a knife I had with my initials. He had made it and I loved it, as well as a pair of leather slippers. My favorite memories with him are of hunting and barbecuing (takes all day) and grilling. I have some old hand written recipes that my grandmother game me and I still use them. I’m also a decent home baker and recently my cousin gifted me a cookbook, however there were only 3 or 4 recipients that I would actually use. She was not offended when I asked if she would go with me to find a new one. She was not, and in fact I didn’t find a new on. So she gifted me a bread slicer instead, which I use daily. She knows I like to bake but wasn’t sure as to what I could feasibly do 😅n my kitchen. It’s not small, but absolutely not the kind of kitchen I can spread out over. It’s the little things that count, and if your granddaughter loves it, then her mom should shut it

[@ciomaria6137]

I’m not even 5 minutes into the video and I was hoping you’d do this story. The OP is so wholesome to go through the time and effort to make a whole darn cookbook for her granddaughter. And to add the creative touch to make it look like a medieval book to match her granddaughter’s aesthetic is awesome. ❤❤ On a side note, a custom printed book is NOT cheap. It’s not designer-bag-expensive, but it’s not cheap.

[@SwapnilBBagul]

The recipient isn't complaining, what's the problem? This is a legacy that the op passed on and the granddaughter loved it. To be able to do so and be a part of it for both of the sides is a rare occasion and opportunity. This is really lovely that she went to such lengths to make her GD happy. And her efforts paid off, apparently!

[@madambutterfly1997]

I'll cut the daughter-in-law some slack when she actually attempts to be less shallow or show genuine remorsefulness for acting that way

[@JayeEllis]

Story 1: NTA - She's just mad you didn't get her daughter something she can steal and use for herself. That book is not in any way a cheap gift in time or love, and frankly, it probably wasn't all that cheap to have bound, either. Especially if she is someone who enjoys cooking as much as you say, this is a gift that will keep giving, possibly for generations, if she has a family of her own, and passes these recipes along. A book of personal recipes to share is not cheap, and it might just be how an heirloom was created.

[@rylashadow18]

That or steal to resell and get herself a new handbag.

[@drea4195]

Bingo! That's probably the most accurate comment on OP's DIL. This has probably been going on for years, she "confiscates" expensive presents meant for other family members, and somehow they become hers.🤭

[@damien678]

That...that makes a lot more sense why she'd make a stink instead of just quietly side-eyeing (which is still stupid but some people are idiots)

[@fallingawayfromthenorm]

Story 2 - NTA. People need to teach their children to treat animals with respect and not approach animals they don’t know (which isn’t specific to this situation but is super common and why there’s so many videos of kids getting bit, kicked, etc. by animals). It’s not just because animals deserve to be respected and treated well, it’s because the kid could get seriously hurt or develop a phobia when the animal understandably snaps at them after enduring unending harassment. Edit: After more thought I think it’s a 75/25 split of ESH with the brother sucking the most and OP sucking some for letting the dog be treated this way and not putting her foot down. I have gently grabbed and guided children’s hands from hitting to petting when they are being too rough with my or other people’s animals (younger cousins when I was also a kid, my siblings’ kids, my friend’s nieces and nephews, all that jazz).

[@Daydream_N]

I agree. The brother is absolutely the issue here, but OP knows this is a common thing with niece so the dog should've been put up before they came over every single time. Or like get a baby gate and block the kid from getting to the dog but still let her see him. There's other options than letting the dog get harrassed and abused past his breaking point

[@damien678]

​@@Daydream_N I personally don't like those options because it doesn't teach the kid how to interact with very common animals... Although I understand why those measured would be needed and put into place. Just not ideal

[@Daydream_N]

@@damien678 it's not OPs job to make sure her niece knows how to act around animals. It's the parents. OPs only job is to ensure her dog is safe and cared for which means keeping it away from the niece

[@damien678]

@@Daydream_N Yeah but as a fellow animal lover I know I'd personally feel like shit if I didn't even try to teach a kid how to be better towards animals

[@Daydream_N]

@@damien678 then you open the bag of parents getting pissed off at you for parenting their child.

[@kayq3231]

I want that cook book. It sounds right up my alley!

[@vittorianasc]

That gift is so special... Related to something she loves doing, has secret special recipes that probably have an affectionate meaning to her, customized especially for her, its literally *unique* and only she will have a book like this... This is the kind of gift that no money can buy, and no pricey gift can surpass 🤧♥️

[@themichaelhaginsshows]

You can tell OP in the first story is just the sweetest person. Not a negative word about anyone. I hope she and her granddaughter make magic in their kitchens. I wish nothing but the best for her.

[@Boe-Temeraire]

That grandma reminds me a lot of my mum - she doesn’t really get a lot of my interests but she’s still really supportive of me and my interests and gets me really thoughtful gifts based on my interests. Family like that are a true gift and should be cherished. That grandma is wonderful!

[@emcustard]

Story 2: Its like a kid playing near swings. You as the adult are responsible to teach them what is safe and what isn't. Kids play on the playground, but you play by a swing and you may get kicked in the face. OP's brother sounds like the kind to blame the kid on the swing instead of trying to take any responsibility himself.

[@ashassassin]

Story 1. As someone who lost my grandma a few years ago and misses a recipe for her pasta sauce that no one else has, I would love a cookbook from my grandma. It would be my most cherished possession. This is a great reminder to learn from my mom now!

[@Vipre-]

First story: DIL only cares about appearances, she wants something to show off with even if it's not hers, to her an amazingly thoughtful gift might as well be a dumpster dive find. Last story: He won't come around because that would require him to admit he was wrong to begin with.

[@phtevlin]

#1 My sister has made 3 quilts over the years. One hangs on my wall over my bed, the second and third are switched out regularly as the cover for my bed. She also makes the best jam in the world. So every time I spoon jam on my toast, or sleep in my bed, or gaze at the wall hanging, I get a dose of love from my remarkable and generous sister. They are among my most prized possessions. PS I always clean out & return the empty jam jars.

[@lorifiedler13]

A person treated like that by a child would probably growl too. The dog was extremely patient.

[@catsbatsandflowers]

My Mum baked. Her lemon loaf was earth shatteringly good! I have a printed copy of all her recipes, as well as many of her hand written, with notes, recipes. I cherish both.

[@Orinatl]

I can’t believe that mom said that. I'm a huge home cook and a history lover and this would have been the absolute best gift.

[@crem-crem4070]

Story 2: reminds me of my late pup Sasha, she never did well with babies (save for my sister’s baby but I’m pretty sure that was because my sister was her og mum) and she would do what we called a “baby nip” where she would very quickly but very gently nip the finger of a young child if it was in her face. It always kept the babies away from her while doing no damage at all.

[@wimsylogic65]

That's so funny what kind of dog was she. I used to have a black Australian shepherd golden retriever mix, Named sasha. My dog Sammy also used to knip at people she saw as a threat to me. She did it in a way that was firm but didn't leave a mark. When I was around 8 or 10 My older cousin and his friends used to come over to babysit me and my younger siblings. One of them was playing too rough with me and Sammy bit him in the butt. 😂 Good memories. She is a lovely dog very protective of me like I was her puppy. My mom got herAs a puppy for me when I was a toddler.

[@crem-crem4070]

@@wimsylogic65 she was a Maltese poodle, she had 3 legs, 5 teeth and all the stubbornness in the word

[@97scarletwitch]

OMG, my heart broke. That's the sweetest, most thoughtful gift! I bet Rita will show it off until it starts falling apart.

[@sweet7precious]

NTA she didn’t just print it out she chrome made it at a publishers.❤

[@susanlayton2143]

Right, she not only took the time to write (or type) out all of these recipes, but then had it professionally made into a book.

[@dementedqueen4392]

That is one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever heard of. First, she gave her a book with 20 of her recipes that she knew her granddaughter would like as she knows her granddaughter well enough to know she loves cooking. PLUS, she had igt bound so it looked old and medieval, as she knows her granddaughter enough yet again to know she's into that kind of thing. Such a perfect and thoughtful gift. OP is one class act grandmother! Her DIL on the other hand, well, sucks.

[@melissawitt3773]

The first Christmas after moving out my mother gave me a hand written cookbook of the family favorite recipes. Decades later I still treasure it and it is my go to recipe book. Granddaughter will keep this for ever and think of her grandmother.

[@ILJ68]

That mum needs a reality check! Rita wants to be a chef. I wish I had my great grandma’s recipes. That would be my favourite gift. And mediaeval style? How thoughtful. You’ve given her a real treasure.

[@KarmatheCorgi]

Grandmom not only put together a collection of her recipes, which I'm sure Rita would have adored on their own, but ALSO went through all the effort to make the book look like it could have come from her granddaughter's favorite interests, LotR! Showing that she paid attention to her granddaughter's interests and clearly loves her very much! I would cry from joy to receive such a thoughtful gift! In fact, when my mom took notice that I liked to collect and photograph dolls she crocheted a baby blanket and pillow for my comfort doll Junie, and you'd better believe that I treasure that and feature it in many of the photos I take of her!

[@locusxe1411]

I hate how both of these Ops are trying to excuse the aholes actions in their stories. First op excusing her ex daughter in law for not being perfect and op in the second story excusing his brother telling him to put his dog down. The second story is way worse too. Op really needs to hear and understand that his brother is a jerk and the way he talks about him not talking to his brother is unrealistic just rubs me the wrong way. If my brother was being an idiot and tried to get me to put my dog down you begs believe I wouldn’t be talking to him for a while. Op needs to understand that. He comes off as kind of spineless in his update with that last paragraph too

[@kichikitsu]

S2 OP is a woman btw. Also, she isn't spineless, what? She is acting calm & reasonable while giving her brother a chance to talk about things eventually. She has also made it clear that under no circumstances will her brother be getting what he wants (her dog put down) and that she is capable of shutting down the conversation if he keeps insisting. (Evidenced by the short & concise text response she gave to his rambling.)

[@xCluelessChickx]

Ok, if Rita hated cooking then OP would be TA… BUT if Rita has repeatedly expressed love for cooking, for her Gma’s cooking, or even just a love of family history then this is an AMAZING gift💕💕💕

[@damien678]

Rita literally wants her own food business so it's honestly beyond just a good gift

[@LilFeralGangrel]

my favourite gift that i've ever gotten is a bunch of family recipes. my sister grabbed a bunch of recipes that my grandmother had and then printed them and gave the book to me. it makes me very happy. i've only used it a handful of times but it was the most thoughtful thing that has ever been given to me.

[@paden1865able]

I hand wrote a cookbook for my daughter a couple of Christmases back, it included recipes of my dad's and his mother's, as well as my own. She loves it and is going to make copies for her kids. She said it was the best gift ever.

[@CasualVFlowerEnjoyer]

Its so crazy that this story came up because right now for mothers day I am writing my mom a custom cookbook. My great grandmother, her grandmother, just passed away and my mom gave me her old cookbook with handwritten recipes. I am hand-copying them and putting them in paper sleeves that will then be put into a binder, that way she will also have a copy of great nanny's recipes and we can both add our own to the binder. Its hard work copying everything but I think the effort makes it more special.

[@kasandrahartshorn6268]

S1- the gift you gave your grand daughter is something that will live on beyond you as a tangible memory of you into generations to come. One of the ways many families, mine definitely, remembers our loved ones who have passed on to remember recipes and favorite foods. I still eat marshmallows dipped in caramel and krispies at Christmas to remember my grandma. I have gingersnaps and sharp cheddar cheese or strawberry-rhubarb pie to remember my father-in-law. I have a number of recipes from my mother-in-law that just passed last year including her flat apple Pie bars. I have chocolate covered cherries or sautéed zucchini and bacon or homemade kaulua to remember my mom. It’s how we keep them with us. I will put all of these together for my kids and anyone who knew them if they want it because sharing memories is part of our family history and is so precious. Better than any store bought nonsense.

[@buckeyenative1365]

If only just one grandma had thought to write down recipes for the grandchildren, that would have been an amazing gift for us.

[@alexalexiou7410]

I would do absolutely anything to have a cookbook from my grandma who passed. Even if it was in post-it notes I would laminate and arrange them and treasure them forever. Cooking is kind of a love-language in my family. We pass recipes to each other so often that it stops being someone's signature dish. My roommate in uni loved my cooking and always asked me for recipes so I am making a custom cookbook for her. I am an art student so I'm taking my time to illustrate every page. OP's granddaughter loves cooking and will have something from her grandma for the rest of her life. DIL is such an AH for seeing it as a "cheap gift" when so much love, effort and time was put into it.

[@Iflie]

That three year old is going to get really hurt just running upto dogs in the park and then they can't blame OP, much. The thing is, when a toddler is in your house doing something wrong not just parents can act, family can to. They can say no and physically remove the child from the dog. just like with any dangerous thing. If brother gets angry about that, well they didn't have to come over. I'm very surprised at how long this went on. That;s why cats are good, they will just scratch a kid if they keep coming after them and boundaries are taught fast. dogs do not have that option so we must do it for them. Three years old is plenty old enough to get the talk.

[@TsukiKageTora]

Honestly, story 2, I wished the kid would have done it with her dad and pulling on his ear, etc. Then when he snaps I would have gasped loudly and say “you’re so dangerous to her, stay away from her you monster!”

[@Heydodoakskdkdjf]

As a self-published author, making your own books is a PROCESS and one that is costly. Even if cost were a genuine factor here, OP clearly invested money into the gift

[@BernadinoBinch]

My grandmother passed when I was 17, and honestly the thought of having a custom personalised cook book from her brings me to tears. That would mean the absolute world and so much more than any storebought gift for my 18th. I'd give the world for this ❤

[@2p-blog-thing]

The gift was so thoughtful, the granddaughter is so lucky to have a grandmother who knows her interests and gets her something regarding that. My extended family just buys me random stuff they think I’ll like.

[@Uneclipsed]

From the title alone: NTA. The best most memorable gifts I’ve ever gotten were the ones that were either made or practical, not necessarily expensive. This is such a lovely, personal gift I would have treasured.

[@chloemeca6712]

My grandma is extremely introverted, she had a sister who died long before I was born. This sister loved to crochet and knit and my grandma held on to her needles and crochet hook for decades even tho she never used them. Because I never knew my great-aunt and the fact that my grandmother rarely speaks I didn't know about her hooby. I absolutely love crochet and knitting, and one Christmas, my grandma offered me her sister's supplies, explaining how she was so happy someone in the family could use them. She did not spend money on this gift. But I feel so happy and proud to have those. It's one of my favorite gifts ever! Onto an another exemple, when my brother was younger he was learning wood work in school. For context I've graduated in art in college and I paint quite a lot. He knew that and found a piece of wood, cut it, carved it and turned into a palette that he gifted to me for my birthday. Again, he did not spend any money, because it was part of his formation to make random objects. This gift will follow me everywhere. The attention, the time and thoughts put into gifts are what make them special.

[@redhead0122]

the cookbook sounds like a lovely present. Kinda jealous. I myself am someone who makes a lot of presents myself. And it is something that as time goes on unfortanelty becomes less appreciated more and more. And oftentimes its not even that much cheaper. Because you still have to buy the materials and then on top of that you spend time and effort to make something special. I hate it when people have the attitude of : oh its handmade and therefore cheap and therefore its a bad present.

[@bunnyslippers191]

I knit and crochet. It takes hours and hours to make even a pair of fingerless mitts plus the cost of the yarn. Good yarn isn't cheap. People who don't make things have no clue. Go to any craft fair and there will be people who think a crocheted afghan (a sort of blanket, but not as large as a blanket you use on your bed) takes at the most an hour or two to make when in reality it can take many hours over weeks to make and many skeins of yarn plus the skill to make it. Without that skill it can't be done.

[@redhead0122]

@@bunnyslippers191 so true. Also you have to make room in your busy daily life to do it. That’s why I only make gifts for the people i know will appreciate it. Like the amount of times I learned a new thing , like a pattern or even a totally new skill just to make someone a nice gift. And then seeing they don’t appreciate it…

[@jenniferhanses]

Story 2: ESH. Or at least the two main adults do. Brother is obviously being entirely unreasonable and is not teaching his daughter proper behavior. He's being a Karen about the whole thing, insisting animals don't have boundaries. It's bizarre to me how many people take this stance, but there's a lot of these crazies out there. OP sucks for also not shutting this down and for subjecting her very good dog to harassment by her niece. She knows it's an issue, and yet she has not put a stop to these negative interactions or coached niece in positive interactions herself.

[@keplersdream901]

Spot on. OP is an irresponsible pet owner because she put her animal, who was in his own space, at risk just to placate her worthless cuck of a brother. She has no spine, and unfortunately, the dog will eventually pay for it. Someone needs to re-home the dog.

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

OP also kind of sucks for ignoring all the advice she was given and continuing with her soft methods. She’s been doing the same thing for a year now with no change whatsoever, I don’t know why she expected anything different with her weak solution. It’s admirable that she’s understanding and sympathetic but she’s has to realize that her methods are simply not working.

[@KCohere33]

She said she can’t think of a reason to not have her brothers family at her house. I can. “You’re child is harassing my dog and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come over anymore. For the safety of your daughter and my dog because I am absolutely not putting him down.”

[@kristy1653]

Agreed, ESH. I also can’t understand how she is still besties with the SIL after all of this! The SIL is also guilty of refusing to parent her daughter and teach her how to respectfully interact with OP’s dog this whole time! Both of the little girl’s parents suck and OP is spineless when it comes to setting boundaries from the start. She should have never allowed her poor dog to be tormented by her niece for over a year.

[@heatherv3417]

My grandma made all us grandkids a cookbook of her favorite family recipes over the years and it was such an amazing gift because it has her handwritten notes in the margins with things she changed, and grandpa’s (passed 15 years ago) notes of which ones he liked the best.

[@ZombieMinion1992]

For that last story nta. It’s like someone wanting the death penalty for someone that tells their annoying kid to stop harassing them. That was the dog giving a warning. No one was but thankfully but his daughter will get bit unless he plans to just never let her around animals.

[@sallybeatty4150]

Your granddaughter will cherish this gift forever!! And if she is going to culinary school it was the perfect gift...

[@sandeesandwich2180]

S1: Well, that took an extreme turn. Hope they all weather the next rocky period in their lives. Also, OP, send cookies!

[@Eirilyn]

Rita's mom blows! That is an amazing gift and a generational heirloom that Rita can build upon. It was a beautiful gift

[@susanmorrison1013]

Story 1. That's the coolest gift. I would adore that from my grandma. She is the most beautiful and talented woman.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2: Tell your brother your niece is abusing your dog, and until he is willing to help deal with her behavior, she is not allowed at your house/ around your animals. All kids do the pulling tails/ears/laying on/trying to ride the dog, but screaming in his face and *hitting him?* Full stop, hell no, and does she need help? What is she seeing, that she screams in a living being’s face and hits them? My brother had a situation with dogs growing up. We went to my cousin’s house one time for a birthday party, and as soon as my brother stepped out of the car, my cousin’s dog bit him on the leg. No warning, my brother hadn’t even moved. Drew a small drop of blood. He was fine, but my cousin’s dad was afraid of a potential lawsuit and immediately put the dog down. A while later, my cousin came over to my house. He was jumping at my brother’s dog and laughing as she would shy away, thinking he was hot shit (she was a German Shepherd mix, smaller in size but with the markings so he thought he was tough cowing a scary-looking dog). This went on for a while with me yelling at him to stop being a dick, and he just laughed at me. Until he moved too close to my brother. Our dog dove for him, snarling and growling, and my brother tackled her to keep her from attacking my cousin. She never got to my cousin, but he was freaked and ran crying to daddy…who demanded that we also put our dog down. We refused, and told him cousin had asked for it, while brother had been attacked unprovoked. We never saw cousin again, except once years later when we both happened to be at the same place. It should go without saying, but dogs (and cats, etc) are animals, they are not human and you can’t expect them to act human just because they are domesticated. And even humans can only take so much abuse before they snap.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. I'd be thrilled to get a cookbook like that. I have my own cookbook with family favorites in it. And after I lost everything in a forest fire 5 yr. ago, my mom gave me a recipe box w/old family recipes in it that was my grandmothers. Those type of things are priceless if you ask me. 2. We had a very large dog. He was a mutt, Rhodesian ridgeback, Great Dane, and mastiff. My brothers oldest was 2 at the time and she would also climb on him, etc...Difference is, my brother handled it! He knew how dangerous that type of thing can be. OPs brother is the one in the wrong here. It's on him to watch his child and keep her safe. Brother is being ignorant on purpose. He's had a dog trainer talk w/him, OP has talked and he refuses to listen. I feel for that little girl.

[@cherylnelson7498]

When my oldest daughter became engaged, I contacted all the grandma’s and aunts for ‘old family recipes”. When I put the collection together as a book for her my daughter was over the moon! It was a lovely connection to her foremothers going back five generations.

[@rebeccahayward9607]

First story. Gifts that you put time, thought and effort into can mean far more than something 'expensive'. When my hubby and I were still dating, I was low on funds and ended up making him a little box full of little pieces of paper than each had something I love about him written on it. He absolutely loved it. I told my sister about it recently and she asked if she could borrow the idea for her partner, since she couldn't think of anything for him. She told me later that he saves the little notes to read when hes having a bad day to cheer himself up.

[@kizzykiz]

Story 1: Either the DIL is super materialistic or jealous of OP’s gift quality/meaning. Years ago on Christmas, my older sister gifted me a scarf she crotchet herself. I saw her working on it for weeks leading up to Christmas, thinking she was making it for her then new boyfriend (now husband). When she presented it to me on Christmas Day, I bursted into tears. I don’t remember most of the gifts I received over the years, but that’s definitely one that stood out years later and I cherish to this day. The thought and effort that goes into gifts is priceless ❤

[@spookyprizm8162]

Great timing! Just got out of a chemistry mock and am walking home! Thanks Mark! :D

[@ruthbeamish8849]

Wha lovely, kind grandmother. A very thoughtful and beautiful gift.

[@katie6731]

One of the most treasured gifts I've ever received was a cookbook (a small, three-ring binder) my mom made for me of her favorite recipes. Each recipe has notes on it to me about where the recipe came from and how we used to cook it together. While I have most of the recipes memorized, hubs has used it to make comfort food for me on my worst pain days (I'm disabled). I've added a few of my own recipes to it over the twenty years since hubs and I have been married. A few people have requested some of the recipes, too. Having the book has made it easy to give them a photocopy or to send a picture of the recipe. 💙

[@Tacobat]

My mother gifted me a cook book with recipes from her, her mother, my dad and his late parents (with a photo of them on the front page). I sobbed. When I told my grandmother, she immediately started sending me more of her recipes along with my great grandmother's to add to the book. Now, whenever I make her recipes, I call her and we laugh and reminisce. It's one of my favorite gifts and I will cherish it forever

[@roboticdreamer]

First story, NTA. My mom made things for me and my siblings, and I still keep them. Also, how Rita’s mom said that Rita was just pretending and a child who doesn’t know what she likes (two different statements) shows that she’s hiding her feelings behind Rita.

[@TheCagedCorvid]

Story 1. That grandma is too good for this world, what a beautiful soul...

[@jaybundy7898]

Story 1: oh hell no! NTA! I made a scrapbook for my mum when she turned 50, it had photos from when she was little to present day, with sections of the pets she had over the years (lots), 2 pages with photos of our small family (dad, me, brother), holidays and more. With a message at the front. I got my nan involved with finding pictures and my mum's long time friends as well. I even nearly got caught when she found the photos when they accidentally turned up at our house and not my nans. She loved the gift, showed it to others, including a family member who came to see us from overseas, and mum still keeps it all wrapped up and protected in her room.

[@trainerlesseevee478]

I would've loved getting my great Grandmother's recipes. I had a pillow she made for the longest time until my late stepfather "lost" it. It still breaks my heart

[@Davtwan]

The OPs are so kind-hearted to still see antagonists’ good qualities. They could learn a thing or two from the OPs (and I hope the niece learns more from OP than her dad cause honestly... 😒)

[@gigga143]

S1: NTA, and OP shouldn’t even question herself at all. That’s such a beautiful, heartfelt gift and one most people would treasure. My mom cooked most of our food and I have some of her receipts but my dad made specialties like his chili and fried green tomatoes and never wrote anything down. He passed on 10+ years ago. I’d pay anything I had to get those recipes from him. DIL sounds just awful but I’m sure granddaughter truly appreciated and will cherish that gift.

[@firefly19690]

Oh wow! The very thoughtful gift of the cookbook has value that goes far beyond a expensive, designer gift. I would have gasped opening up that gift too. Some of the most treasured gifts I have are of low monetary value. The cookbook will absolutely be treasured for years.

[@ScarabD]

A few years back, my mam made me an apron with "Scarab's baking" on it, and a 'cook book'; (she made a quilted fabric book cover for a file and filled it with empty pages and polypockets I could store recipes from magazines and such in). She's made me a lot of things like that over the years: quilts, shirts with fabric I like, Ipad cases... they're the BEST FRICKIN THING