I Suddenly Received A Large Inheritance And Now My Life Is Shattering r/Relationships

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

These are the types of stories where you understand why people keep winning the lottery and inheritance quiet.

[@LunaMane]

I mean, wouldn't you? People are very weird about money in some shape or form. And the song More Money, More Problems has evidence to back up its lyrics.

[@diamcole]

Honestly, it's probably the safest option. Not only for some close relationships but there are complete strangers who will clock new money and put you in harm's way trying to get a piece.

[@Callimo]

Absolutely. Too many people are under the misunderstanding that they need to tell loved ones everything. Unless it's a dire emergency, you really don't need to. And when it comes to windfalls, getting a lawyer or a financial advisor (or both!) should be the next steps. That being said, OP does seem to be a bit of a people pleaser and I get the worry that the fiancée 's family will take advantage of that.

[@swearimnotarobot3746]

@@LunaMane If I won the lottery, I don’t think my family would act like this. Obviously I can’t know for sure. And I would understand if they asked for money for something like a medical emergency, etc.

[@diamcole]

@@swearimnotarobot3746 Most people don't anticipate being betrayed, that's why it's a betrayal. I hate to sound jaded but some situations require street smarts, keeping information close to the vest while you discern a person's motives or intentions (or if they can even keep this info. confidential) is always wise.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Look, if people only start speaking to you because they know you have money cut them off

[@lya9677]

I get THE OP's thoughts process It's easy to say, just cut them off... but not so feasible for all/most, especially since he is deeply integrated into that family I do not, however get the thought process of those who suddenly seems to lack the ability to earn a single cent on their own without the help of the OP

[@thomasjoseph5876]

@@lya9677 I have an ungodly amount of money for a 35-year-old, enough so the next 3 generations of my family wouldn't have to lift a finger if they didn't want to. My wife has even more than I do to the point her F*ck You money has F*ck You money and probably 50 generations of our family wouldn't have to work if they didn't want to. So, needless to say, we have some people that we know who would like to get a little cut of our money. Most of them are not our immediate friends or family because we gave them money long ago as well as the knowledge of how to expand that money and they have been very successful in part because of our AUTHORITARIAN DICTATORSHIP of the requirements put on that money that we gave them. With us, you either work and work hard, or you don't get any money from us. EVERYBODY takes the money and will work hard. Without the money, they still have to work hard but then they don't get to drive around in luxury cars and live in really nice houses LOL.

[@shannonbullock2202]

Story 2: OP is 100% right that his son was being lazy in his relationship. The gf did ALL THE WORK and spent ALL THE MONEY in their relationship. His son just sat back and let her. He could've paid for every other trip she took. He could've set up amazing dates when she was with him. He sacrificed nothing, did nothing, gave nothing. He's a self centered leach and an energy vampire. OP is telling his son what he needs to hear!! It's not really about the flying. It's about him not making ANY effort or sacrifice to be with this lovely young women.

[@darkmask5933]

"Lovely young women" ... you mean the cheater. Yeah she sounds very lovely.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

​@@darkmask5933 was it even a relationship if they only saw each other one week a yr and she spent all her money seeing him? I wouldnt call that a relationship. Hell most people wouldnt esp with it being long distance. She could have just stopped contacting him or him her and the only difference is she would have more money and not waste her annual leave

[@liviwaslost]

@@darkmask5933a picture doesn’t prove she was cheating.

[@slick8086]

Also if he thinks flying is so dangerous but he's ok with some he "loves" doing it?

[@kitkakitteh]

Someone said “legitimate phobia” I’m calling bullshite. There is no such beast. Is it a real problem? Yes. Get it fixed. Your phobia isn’t anyone else’s problem. And **newsflash** one phobia leads to more mental health issues. Phobias are a form of OCD. Unchecked OCD is a compounding problem.

[@DrownedInExile]

S1: Remember money doesn't change people, it *reveals* them. Glad the g/f seems to be on the same page, but OP should be a little wary of her, and very wary of her family.

[@lindah3803]

Agree. I think OP should push the wedding back for maybe another year. That will give him time to line out his money. Allow him time to deal with his grief. More time to see if GF truely has his back. Right now she's all good. Given a couple of years,she may turn up to be devious. Right now,OP needs to handle the inheritance and business with the proper professionals. GF doesn't need to know all the numbers and details. OPs being smart with the prenup. There's no rush.

[@agentzapdos4960]

@@lindah3803 Nah. OP should dump her and find someone in his own economic class. Wealth and empathy aren't compatible. The girlfriend's empathy for her siblings and parents will drain OP's bank account. Rich people need to seal themselves behind gated neighbourhoods and remote mansions with armed guards that are licensed to kill on sight, so that the regular people can't gather together and drag Moneybags out to the guillotines.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

I also think it's better to wait longer with the wedding. Not just for the gf, but also to see how the gf's family situation continues in combination to the gf's opinion about it. She might say no to her sister now, but after this baby is born she might change her mind.

[@CrimsonAngelWinges]

He also needs to get a lawyer and come up with a legaly binding contract for lending any money. He could also do what another OP did and set up a trust run by a third party trustee that family can apply for funds from. After Update: I'm glad OP got some good advice and that he has his fiance and sister on his side. I'd definitely be careful about giving money to the BIL and wife that want kids and a house they can't afford.

[@GabrielleHayes1921]

He should do something where if he dies within a certain amount of time the money does not go to the girlfriend at all even if she is a wife, because who's to say someone's not going to have him suddenly die a couple months after their marriage and now suddenly the girlfriend has all this money to give them.. and even if she's pregnant I wouldn't have it go immediately to the child I would have a trust set up that only a special lawyer with written instructions can vote on until the child's like 30 years old.

[@ineedhoez]

Story 2: the mother is trying to keep the son in a dependent state so he never flies the nest and never leaves her. That's an emotionally incestuous relationship.

[@Tetsuya-no.2]

Without more context it's hard to tell. Some parents try to keep their children dependent on them because they like to have control over them

[@dillongage]

​@@Tetsuya-no.2 yes. Thats called an emotionally incestous relationship.

[@alexmerrin9634]

Oh, so you've met my wife and step-son

[@ineedhoez]

​@@alexmerrin9634lolllllol!!

[@owl7072]

Story 2: "No one wants their father, someone who should be their most ardent supporter, shaming them in their moment of vulnerability" No I think that's what he needed. His girlfriend was doing all the work, spending her money to go see him, and he wouldn't even do something as basic as offer to cover the cost for her at _least_ as a compromise. He just expected her to come to him and never once did anything to reciprocate or compromise. Pretending he never did anything wrong just cause he's sad would be a terrible decision. As a parent, you need to tell your kid what tf is up sometimes, even if it's something they don't want to hear. Letting him move on from that thinking he did nothing and that it's all on her would be setting him up for failure.

[@truthseeker9249]

Sorry but I swore an oath to never be an enabler parent. I'll never stand by and boost my child up for bad behavior. Not doing it.

[@joshuacastillo6003]

Exactly. No one WANTS to hear their parents talk crap about them but if the entire room smells of it, then fuck what they want, they NEED to be told outright that their behaviour is shitty.

[@CrimsonAngelWinges]

It sounds like the wife was sabotaging the sons relationship. OP might need to have a talk with both of them about putting up some boundaries about future relationships.

[@dillongage]

Thats exactly what a father is supposed to do, ESPECIALLY for his son. Your mother coddles you and babies you. Your dad tells to wake the f*** up and smell the coffee. Having 2 parents that coddle you is why my generation is so horrible. Someone needs to give you a kick in the ass or you'll never become an adult.

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Just wanted to say I work overnights at a gas station and listen to Mark reruns all night. Love the content and community. Blessed be

[@lya9677]

Have to agree there I usually mute the sound and simply read the posts, on most youtube channels But, I like to listen to him read, and his comments/thoughts, and sometimes his personal experiences as well

[@mstb2023]

I listen to him at night too. His voice is very soothing. Kinda like a white noise machine.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1 (before update): It is sad to say but sounds like most of your SO's family was just nice to you because they knew you would be inheriting money eventually (and it happened way sooner than they expected). And now that you have they have revealed their vulture tenancies. When people like this ask for money, the best thing to do is tell them that there is no money to lend, that all your wealth is tied up in investments (or the business). I would also advise you to keep your finances separate from your SO, and come up with a plan for handling her family Like if you SO gives all her money to her family, you are going to end up being her sole financial support. Also stop drinking and doing drugs and get yourself a therapist who specializes in grief. And maybe get yourself into a lottery/win-fall support group. I would also put the brakes on getting married until you have sorted out your fiance's family issues. Story 1 (update): good to hear a good update, hopefully it sticks.

[@onepieceisking5493]

I also find it disgusting how inlaws or so's parents and family think their entitled to op's money just because of the relationship.

[@RandomGuy-j8t]

This is great advice - Your cash is tied up in investments. Another thing to tell people is more direct, 'I don't lend money to family and friends because it causes problems - that's what banks are for' - If they are upset by that, so be it.

[@madambutterfly1997]

Cheating is never the answer but I do agree that she should’ve jumped his lazy ass sooner. If he’s not willing to put in the equal amount of effort that she does, then he doesn’t deserve her.

[@darkmask5933]

A cheater is still a cheater though. OP almost sounds smug that his son got cheated on cause it proved him right.

[@madambutterfly1997]

@Dark Mask the son did played himself. He chose to play the stupid game and he won a stupid prize. But the girl shouldn't have been snooping behind his back she should have just broke up with him instead of keeping your side piece

[@darkmask5933]

@@madambutterfly1997 Thing is everyone is getting this AITA wrong, its not 'Is my son an AH for not putting in the effort on his GF' it was 'AITA for telling me son he deserved to be cheated on'. OP is the AH, like he seems to really like this girl and be like 'she was perfect for my son' but ... she cheated on him. Like yeah, son needed to put more effort in and needs to take that in the future but she was still a cheater. OP is an AH for seeming happy that he was 'right'.

[@madambutterfly1997]

@@darkmask5933 absolutely right in the girlfriend is scum for that

[@MrPferdi10]

Why is everyone assuming she cheated? It has always being only an assumption from only the mother and son duo with the unhealthy relationship. And so… if she cheated all of the sudden it’s okey the neglect the son had towards the relationship and nobody should call him on his bs? His a full adult! Not a teen with his first kiss that needs a pet talk.

[@scarletgoldenthorn]

Just saying, if you have been getting increasingly paranoid and are also “smoking more weed than I ever have before,” those two things might be connected. You’re in a situation that will naturally cause some paranoia. It might not be the best time to radically increase the amount of weed you smoke. Also the drinking. It’s concerning that OP is self-medicating in such an unhealthy way, I hope they get better.

[@spockezri]

what i was thinking too!! weed already makes people paranoid...this is just gonna be worse

[@terramarini6880]

My husband lamented one fine sunday about how "down" he felt. I was like um, yeah, you just finished a 3 day weekend bender, booze is a depressant, of course you feel depressed.... He had a lightbulb moment.

[@OZARKMOON1960]

#2 - Why did OP's son even start a relation with this girl if she lived so far away (or across a body of water) that would require visiting by plane only? I mean, if he is unwilling to travel at all, he needs to only date local girls. Don't call son's fears stupid, but the boy's actions sure make him one.

[@kemonono]

S2: NTA Mom's already comforting him, OP did have a nice chat with him as stated...Son NEEDED that chat, he's 24 and can't expect to keep going like this if he wants a relationship to last

[@madcientist5438]

The fear of flying is less the fear to fly itself, but the fear to find out it actually freaks you out while you are on an hours long flight, knowing you are trapped in that plane for the next hours and the only real way back is to do it again. My mother had that once when we planned Hollidays that included about 10h of flight per direction. So we did a local test flight, under one hour long followed by a nice weekend and the trip home by train. One of her first sentences after landing was "can we fly back too?". No, we already had the train tickets.

[@danishaussie63]

S2: Im scared of heights and small spaces, so when I tell you one of the best things Ive ever done was go for a flight over our city in a chopper...a tiny 3 person chopper with no doors on the machine, is still mind blowing to my own self I did, and Im soooooo glad I did, and I was up there in the sky with 83yo nanna who loved it just as much as me lol.

[@JMac7395]

The public often talks about how money changes the people who receives it but the public rarely talks about how money can change others around you. Some people become entitled to money that isn't theirs simply because they currently know or once knew you. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't mean you're obligated to give everyone a hand out. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't mean people should take advantage of you. Just because you have a lot of money doesn't mean you're automatically financially responsible for your extended family & friends. If your friends & family start labeling you selfish, cold or greedy for not giving in to their demands, let them. I'd rather have the labels than to be stressed out, broke & depressed because of their entitlement

[@thebigbadwolfe_27]

If I won a heap of money I def wouldn’t tell anyone, but if they found out some how and asked me for money. Well, depending how well I knew them and how long and if they have been there for me during my life then I would entertain the idea of giving them some money. But otherwise, my answer would be ‘no’ and if they called me a selfish bitch then my response would be, ‘thank you for noticing - please remember that if you think you have any more demands for me’ and leave it at that.

[@Araraki-Itto1]

Story 1: It gets better OP. Story 2: Son needed a reality check. Relationships take effort from both sides. The GF was the only one giving while the son did nothing.

[@emmuli1999]

Story 2: nta, i feel like saying "I'm never going to fly" practically told the gf "if we're together, we'll never visit your family"

[@darkmask5933]

OP said his son deserved to be cheated on and is still friendly with the cheater. OP's son did need to hear he needed to put more effort in, but a parent should never tell their child that they deserve to be cheated on.

[@juliearmfield2634]

Story 2 nta if you love someone you want the best for them and if they need to hear some truth because what they're doing is harming them in the long run then you love them enough to tell them the truth

[@childfreechick2980]

OP, your life is not crashing. It is realigning, based on your circumstances. You will now find out who loves you genuinely, and whose love is conditional upon you being an ATM. Please act accordingly. Don't give a dime to anyone. If you choose to help anyone, please pay the bill or invoice directly to the business/debtor. Anyone who becomes upset that you won't give them what they want, cut them loose and go to therapy. Don't let ppl drain and use you.

[@ellorasg4525]

Story 1: Tell them the money is being given to charity and cannot be taken back. And they are welcome to add more. See how fast they run lol

[@GinnieMac-ui8jv]

Wow. OP just found out how proud of him his mother was.

[@jmarie9997]

How did they find out about your money unless she told them? Her enmeshment with her family was a big red flag even before you inherited.

[@darkmask5933]

Technically speaking if they are going to be married and even with a prenup in place, if OP actually is a millionaire that means his wife would be directly affected. She made the same mistake many people do even if they get the money directly, she trusted her family with that information and they started seeing hand-outs. In the update she specifically says she's sick of her brother hinting that they plan on living beyond their means like sister is going to be a safety net whether she agrees or not.

[@agentzapdos4960]

@@darkmask5933 I think OP should break up with her and find a nice millionaire lady from a millionaire family so he doesn't have to worry about gold diggers.

[@Bala_Niranna]

Knew mom was a wealthy business owner + knew mom died = probably got inheritance

[@robertx8020]

@@agentzapdos4960 lol Yes because there are no crappy millionares and only money is important

[@bautistalover]

This part, and maybe I’m selfish but it’s not their money it’s his, he doesn’t need to discuss anything with her. This is literally a premarital asset something she has no say in. OP should be very careful to get a prenup a solid prenup to protect his families money in the event of a breakup/divorce.

[@jaydee_0079]

RE: Inheritance One thing OP can do is claim "Legalities" for at least 2 years while figuring out strategies to deal with the wealth now in his new position.

[@Meme-kt3se]

story 1: his mothers comment to his sister made me chuckle, tear up and smile all at once. when a mother knows their child truly even through their differences. me and my mom thought we both hated each other and finally had a full out argument and a beautiful heart to heart that I'm thankful for to this day. without it I don't think I would have been confident enough to have a voice with my mom on important matters. 🥰 I do plan to write my mom a letter one day because I'm a big baby who will cry very easily

[@xenanutnut]

S1: Honestly that last conversation sister had with mum made me cry. It would definitely destroy me too.

[@GaskyChan]

Recovering at the hospital after surgery these are a life safer. Even if I’m sometimes too loopy after medicine to listen properly

[@Hooperjz78]

Best wishes on your recovery! ❤

[@H0r53f7y]

Hope your surgery is long term successful, and that the recovery is relatively quick and free of pain and stress🙏💖

[@paden1865able]

Wishing you a fine day, ours started with laughter because of a dream I had. It irritated me so badly that I woke up about to whomp my husband and then realized that I was only dreaming and I started laughing. That woke him up so I told him and we're snickering every time we look at each other. 😂

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

Lol

[@maurer3d]

Story 2: NTA, what did he expect, she was putting in 100% of the effort and he was putting in 0%.

[@darkmask5933]

That wasn't the issue, the question was if the father was an AH for pointing it out. Personally while I'm not a fan of "I told you so" and maybe OP shouldn't have done it so soon, it is a good lesson he should let his son know of. I'd say 1/5 on the butthole score if only because it sounds like maybe it wasn't the right time if it was right after finding out his GF was cheating on him.

[@bunnyslippers191]

If he's afraid of flying because of the way his mother has talked to him his entire life, that's one thing, but he never contributed a penny to the GF's expenses when she came to see him. The least he could do was pay half her expenses since he was benefiting from her visiting him. If he refuses to fly and refuses to contribute to her expenses, then how much was he *really* invested in the relationship? Frankly, from what OP says Son seems to be a Mama's boy who expects everyone else to do all the work so he can reap the benefits. OP is NTA for saying that, but OP is a bit of an AH for allowing his wife to spoil their Baby Boy and contribute to his fears. Mama may be using "fear of flying" to make sure her Baby Boy can't get very far away from her.

[@MorganVsTheInternet]

1- I’m glad OP reached out to his sister and is getting the support he needed! As long as OP’s girlfriend doesn’t catch the greed from her family OP can set realistic expectation of how far they can help her family!

[@Josku2411]

Oop a tad late just got finished mowing the lawn..that shit grows so fast in the summertime

[@nyteshayde1197]

Story 1: Boundaries, like hard borders and hold your ground. Story 2: NTA, he's right. I don't care what the fear is. The way over it is to face it. I used to be an arachnophobe. To the point that seeing one in my house would keep me up for days. Our local city zoo put on a workshop about spiders and how to overcome the fear of them. It was the best $80 I've ever spent. At the end we were given an opportunity to hold a number of different spider species. I jumped in because that fear was debilitating. The answer to someone's fear is not to pat them on the head and give them a pass. The answer is to encourage them to face their fear.

[@terramarini6880]

I was terrified of spiders too until a wee Phidippus Johnsoni took up residence in my favorite sunning spot, that little jumping spider would not take no for an answer and came around every time I was out there, I did some research and now think the jumping spiders are adorable and tolerate the less "lovely" ones.

[@nyteshayde1197]

@@terramarini6880 I've owned tarantulas for a while now. They're extremely docile. I've never been bit, but even if they did it feels like a pinch.

[@lya9677]

This is incomprehensible to me How could you just up and start thinking that ''Hey, dude gots some serious cash now I need to repair this and that, or I want this and that I'll give him a call/ talk to him about it'' Do those people feel no shame for doing/saying that? I'd be mortified... and I was reeling from second hand embarrassment, just from reading that post

[@joeschmo622]

All you gotta say is that yeah, I inherited a business that's worth a brazillion dollars, but all that money's tied up, I can't take out any of it other than a decent salary to pay myself. If you had stocks, tangibles, 401Ks, etc., you might be able to liquidate some of it -- at a loss -- so you *wouldn't* do that. Consider all those funds illiquid and untouchable. Like someone wanting a loan from you, tell them, "Sell your car. Use that money, then when you can 'pay it back', buy yourself another car.". _"What??? I'd lose a fortune doing that!"_ "Exactly. That's why *I'm* not going to do that, either."

[@lindseyscott7133]

Watching S2 of the White Lotus reminded me of how money/success ruined my ex & marriage. It does change people, not always positively. Different situation but while getting divorced I did wish that it had never happened in many ways, that it wasn’t worth it. In my case too once he had no challenges left, he got bored & drifted. I couldn’t have seen it coming.

[@AndyyWithAY]

No way I'd ever be the only one traveling to someone. If he was paying for all of my expenses, that makes it better. The son is a mumma's boy who expects all women to coddle him like his mom. OP told him what he needed to hear. We know his mom won't do it 🙄 The comments gave him way too much leeway NTA

[@madisonl3401]

Happy Sunday WG! Happy to be a part of this fam ❤

[@kronos0316]

Story one why is it so hard to tell people no? I got some money when I was 22 i called the family member that gossips and told her people better not come for money.

[@CandyLove2322]

Hey Mark, your videos are my favorite part of my morning. I love listening to your videos when I'm making breakfast ❤

[@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107]

"YTA, as the only issue I see here was his fear of flying" If that's the only issue that person saw in that story then they didn't read it right.

[@carolroberts4614]

Fear of opening his wallet too, I think! And lazyitis.

[@zacharydrewke3344]

Hey Mark, your narrations are great, I always look forward to watching every new video!

[@hoper1294]

I hope youre having a great day Mark! And Poppy too!

[@plantemor]

Story 2. I have been the girlfriend. I saw a guy many years ago. We weren't really int a relationship because he was very hot and cold with me. He didn't lift a finger to go see me. I was the one who had to go see him. He couldn't even be bothered to answer my messages to the point where he would ghost me for weeks at the time. He excused his behavior with him having social anxiety, but I found that kinda weird because he had no problem going to visit me the first time we met and he didn't remotely seem bothered by being around other people. At some point I simply lost my patience with him because absolutely everything in this non-relationship was on his terms. Even the nature of the relationship. I begged him many times to make up his mind about what our status was. Were we a couple or not? His answer: we aren't but I'm also not ready to let you go. So eventually I moved on with a new guy. I was tired of spending time and money on a guy who didn't put any effort into seeing me or even talk to me. Of course he got extremely mad and accused me of cheating to which I acted puzzled and said "but you told me we aren't in a relationship. How can I cheat on you when you refused to commit to me?" He kept making excuses about his mental health and his social anxiety and that it was my job to be patient with him and be there for him until he was ready to commit to me. At no point did he ever consider my feelings or my needs. At all. He even used some of the same lingo my abusive ex had used on me during our break up. That was the ultimate trust destroyer. How can you listen to someone confide their trauma in you and then later on use that shit against them because they didn't put their entire life on pause while you sit in your dad's house and smoke weed and play WoW all day long because you can't be fucked to get a job? Everyone who calls OP the asshole is in my opinion assholes themselves. "Anxiety" is not an excuse for taking people in your life for granted. And I'm with OP. I believe it's much more to do with being a lazy shit than it has to do with anxiety. That's just an excuse to cover up for being an unmotivated loser who's gotten used to good things dumping into his lap because he's never had to work for a thing in his life.

[@carolroberts4614]

He could have helped with the cost of her trips...but he didn't! What's that got to do with fear of flying?

[@darkmask5933]

Your situation sounds different, as you were specifically in limbo in the relationship. Also, if you were going to move with someone else why didn't you end it with the wishy-washy guy first? Like you're making it sound like he was awful and abusive and he probably was but you stuck around and let him think you were in a sort-of relationship and then only told him you were sleeping around after you did it? Like I don't know your story, but you also are making a lot of assumptions on story 2 based on your specific circumstances. Also just FYI the question was not "is my son an AH for not putting in the effort with his GF" but "AITA for telling my son he deserved to be cheated on?" Telling his son he needed to put in more effort was not an AH move, telling his son he deserved to be cheated on? From a parent? Yeah AH move IMO. OP almost sounds smug about it because he gets to be 'right'.

[@plantemor]

@@darkmask5933 I tried to end it with him and he refused to let me move on so I went ahead and moved on. The new guy was also a fake boyfriend at the start. We were just friends and I asked him to be in a fake relationship with me to get the message through to the other guy that it was over. A few months later new guy and I fell for one another for real. I was also in an extremely vulnerable emotional state when I met the hot and cold guy. I was very adamant in the beginning how I didn't want us to be romantically involved because I couldn't handle that shit. I was there to scratch an itch and he said it was the same for him. Then he began crossing boundaries and making it an emotional thing and making promises and I was still very weak and fell into that rabbit hole. It was all about getting control for him. He didn't like that I was trying to make it an even playing field. Under normal circumstances I would agree like most people probably would that I should have just cut him off and moved on and not allowed him to emotionally manipulate me, but these weren't normal circumstances. When I tell you I was extremely vulnerable at the time, it's because I was extremely vulnerable. My ex was a monster and he did a really good job a reducing me to nothing. When you have spent a year in your teens, isolated with a much older man who systematically trains you into becoming the perfect victim, you're not suddenly back to normal and being all power woman when you meet a new abuser who picks up where the other left. I am, in fact, proud of myself for being able to cut that guy out of my life considering how fucking destroyed my sense of self was at the time. And maybe the OP story isn't the same as mine but I have very little sympathy for the son because it's not just that he didn't want to go on a plane, he also didn't do a thing to keep that relationship alive. And we don't know if the girlfriend cheated. For all tends and purposes she ended it with the son before moving on with the new guy. That isn't a crime. Especially not when the son has given her no reason to stick around and fight for their relationship. Good on her. The son hopefully grows up and learns to value what he has else he will be left when the next girl realizes she's wasting her life on him. Edit: I misread some shit and edited my response out.

[@plantemor]

@@carolroberts4614 exactly.

[@floraposteschild4184]

"They have recently come back into our lives." No, you're not imagining it. They'd soon go back out of your lives if you lose all your money. (With all their what sounds like self-inflicted problems, they don't sound like great people BTW). Get marriage and personal counselling and only give the help you feel like giving. Remember "no, thanks" is a complete sentence.

[@InevitableSecrets]

The first comment in story one was so sad. My cousin/best friend was in an accident and got a good settlement. She used it to pay off college loans and a house down payment. It never in a million years crossed my mind to ask for any of it.

[@Drezha3]

Story 2: I had a good laugh at the commenter that blamed OP for letting his wife enable the sons irrational fear of flying

[@fletchr21a1]

Hi from the mitten state! Always put on your stories while doing chores! Keep on recording!

[@jenniferkay9789]

I know I'll come into some money, soon. However, I'll be sharing, though on my terms. I have no problem saying no, anymore. I'll share with those I deem worthy, either because they helped me, when I needed it, or because they're currently suffering, but everyone I share with, is going to be working for me. Family will help run businesses, while others will be employees, and work their way up, or out. Nobody gets a free handout. I have many different business ideas, that I plan to make reality, so there will be no shortage of jobs, for the people I choose to help.

[@amandarose4469]

I got a smaller inherotance, I locked it away into investments. I treat that as untouchable.

[@shellchenonceau6987]

Story 1: someone wrote a book with a collection of 22 writers' various stories like this one, called MONEY CHANGES EVERYTHING. Many amazing happenstances.

[@ToeBeanCozy]

I have missed the singing ❤️ super happy to have that back

[@Silence-1170]

Hi waffles hope you are all doing well today! Stay safe and stay positive have a good morning as well!

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

You too m8 have a lovely week 💜💜🤗🤗

[@brandi5126]

This is why you should do your best to never tell anyone how much you have and downplay as often as you can. Get a good financial team, have unmovable boundaries about money with everyone, and be mindful.

[@romonaelrod7870]

Mark how did you know that I am laying here doing Jack $+!# ? Lol😂

[@carolroberts4614]

It must be catching!

[@jmarie9997]

OP2: NTA. Yeet Son out of the house.

[@boneymeroney2674]

My Morning Happiness. I put the creatures in the backyard and I sit on the front deck, sip coffee, gasp, laugh, and cry with a whole buncha other people. 😅

[@BigTArmada]

Uh-oh, someone is seeing people for who they are, not for who they want them to be 😢

[@heyitsrae5407]

I’m so happy to see you thriving. I hope you enjoy the babymoon and I hope everything continues to go swimmingly. ❤❤❤❤😂

[@toshi9742]

Tbh if someone I knew inherited a large sum, I’d happily sign a “I will not ask for money”/leech order (if there’s a kind) so that my friend etc knows I just wanna hang out with them (and they don’t have to be paranoid that I’m a vulture lol)

[@browniewin4121]

1) Sorry for OP for the loss of his mother, but it is wonderful they developed a good relationship before the end of her life. OP is not paranoid, and it's not his imagination that people are crawling out of the woodwork because there is money. He needs to knock off the drinking and smoking, and take care of himself. OP should get a financial advisor to help him set up a plan on what to do best with the money and for the good of the business. A discussion needs to happen with girlfriend about future finances and expectations, and for sure have a prenup. His girlfriend must not be pushing her family to look at him as the goose that lays golden eggs for their benefit. After update: Glad OP found comfort and help in regards to his loss and the new situation he finds himself in. It is good he went to visit his sister and that they are going to get a financial advisor to set things up. I'm so glad they are proceeding together and doing what needs to be done. 2) It is too bad the son is happy to not make effort to visit or contribute towards his girlfriend's travel expenses. I think OP was correct in the assessment, but it seems there are forces at play here making it hard for the son and it would be better to figure out why that is and what to do about it rather than berate him. That is really the opposite of inspirational. ESH.

[@a.b.2850]

Story 2: the dad is teaching his son to respect the woman. The mom shouldn’t have sabotage him like this. The father should’ve intervene there earlier.

[@louellacharlton4425]

Tyvm Mark

[@romonaelrod7870]

Good morning all of you cheeky Waffle loving so and so's. Hiya Mark and Poppy. How are you all doing today? Well I hope. Much love. 😊❤

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

I'm alright how are you, have a good week💜💜🤗🤗

[@romonaelrod7870]

@@broken_queer_but_fighting8589 I am good, thanks for asking. You have a good week too.

[@broken_queer_but_fighting8589]

@Romona Elrod that's good and thanks 💜💜🤗🤗

[@pelgervampireduck]

Story 2: NTA, the son needed to hear the truth. if I was in his situation I'd try to make things 50/50 and as fair as possible, like "you travelled last time, I'll travel next time" or "I'll pay for half your plane ticket", show interest, make an effort, I can't understand how the son didn't seem to even care enough to go visit her.

[@AryonaSamoto]

I won $5000 a few years ago right before my sisters wedding. Right before winning I had been worried I wouldn't be able to afford everything to go but pushed it aside to support my sister. However, My family has always bullied me so that money was gone fast leaving me tight for cash again. It really hurts to know that the people you always loved and supported didn't really feel the same for you(my family has done a lot of terrible things to me that I grew up believing was normal). So I understand why OP was hurt and I'm glad he was given such helpful advice. I hope he and his wonderful fiancee have a beautiful life🙏❤

[@CaringScared]

Story 2: I also never flew and thought I had a phobia of flying because of how terrifying the idea was. But then I fell in love with my fiancé, who lived states away from me and I learned to manage that fear very quickly to see him. I still get scared to fly, and I have puked on the plane from nerves 😅 but when you love someone you make it work! She might not have been the right person for him if his love wasn’t motivating enough. Regardless, I don’t know if OP was an ahole but if his son was cheated on than she def wasn’t the nice girl for him lol (Ps! We are engaged now and live together! No more scary flights lol)

[@kazzuo32]

Money change people and not just the one that gets it but the people around them because they feel entitled to this money. My best friend an accountant alwaus said. If you get money do not do anything with the money for the first year.

[@Mewse1203]

Sometimes being a good partner, parent, or friend means telling peoope uncomfortable truths.

[@ineedhoez]

Story 1: give all the money away😂😂😂😂. But in all seriousness, you have to set boundaries.

[@Sight-Beyond-Sight]

I have, in my mind, a very short list of people I would help and how I would help them should I ever come into that sort of money. In the event of a lottery win, I would quit claim my house, throw into storage most of our possessions and take up residence in a nice hotel with a DND on our phone. From there, I would plan out my next steps depending on the size of the winnings.

[@poohbear4515]

OP, it’s your money, you can do whatever the hell you want with it. Sure, they’ll go off on you for being selfish, but that’s their problem. Not yours at all. Some of their issues are tough, but it’s your choice to help them. However, it’ll only show that they can use that leverage against you once you sent a lick of that inheritance to one of them. Gf loves her family very much and that’s good. But I also worry about it cause I heard of a story about a gf secretly handing out OP’s hard earned money to her greedy, selfish sister who constantly tells her how much she “desperately” needs it. I kinda see that coming from gf unfortunately.

[@squidward6187]

It's community minds over individualistic minds.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 2: NTA She dodged a bullet.

[@adjwindu70]

Story 2: i wouldnt be friends with a woman who i believe cheated on my son. It doesnt matter how great the girl is and how lazy the my son is. She should have dumped him then dated the other guy.

[@Andrei5191]

Ikr? He may not have deserved her, but did he deserve to be cheated on? That's a messed up thing to say / imply.

[@Tammohawk1]

1. When I lost my husband I received his life insurance. I had one family member who kept hinting at things. Never really came out and asked, but you know. The only thing that was said right out was that I should start a family business. I can't work, how am I supposed to start a business? lol But I am starting a farm. 2. Sometimes the truth hurts. But it still has to be said. I used to be afraid of flying. Bad. But my mother in law begged us to come for Christmas and bought us tickets. Now I love it. Screaming down the runway at over 200 mph.

[@lorrainemontagnon1537]

Hey hey hey Mark! Top of the morning to you!

[@vampireladyish]

Story 2 YTA I am afraid of flying myself I am not lazy. I think if we where ment to fly we would have wing's. To me the girlfriend already had a side piece and was looking for an excuse to break up with him. She already knew he was afraid to fly it was news to her.

[@chibijay78]

I can understand the trouble when you have suddenly a lot of money. I myself have not that situation nut my cousin got a lot of money, bought a house, very nice house as well, but her new boyfriend convinced her to sell it and help him out for a "new business opportunity" now she has debts and no boyfriend and she is extremely bitter. There is always the tricky situation that many will change when a lot of money is involved and not everyone is trustworthy. I don't know how I would react if I suddenly had a lot of money, life changing money that is, but the worry is sadly understandable.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S2 Reddit comment about being afraid of flying: I’m scared to death of flying but I flew across the country to visit my at the time bf and his family. If someone is worth it to you, you make sacrifices and do the thing. If you don’t, someone else might.

[@sweetpea6814]

Mark, Mark, story 1 has an update we're told 😊

[@DirtSailor5]

Did that man say he's never flown before so how does he know he's afraid?

[@jake8748]

Wife and I already discussed how to assist people if we win the lottery. Mostly parents/siblings will get their houses paid off/bought for slightly inflated value so they can enjoy their asset value. This is because those that have worked hard and made their own way prior will get a bonus however it will also be an investment in them for us as essentially they get a interest free loan on their properties value to either get a new investment or enjoy life or whatever else. As we gain the assets its also giving us our safety net for the future. Siblings without assets will be a case by case basis but at most possibly buying an investment property for them to rent, offer jobs if we start a business and depending on amount possibly something like a nicer vehicle (as in a new car but good value like a Hyundai etc not a sports car or other ridiculous thing). However the first any ask for money or a handout is the end of the goodwill. If enough nieces and nephews and some close cousins will likely get some kind of education fund or small trusts for big events. Sure I'd shout dinners out and events but thats on my choice when and more in my own interests (id pay to take my brother to sport events with me as company and because of a shared interest etc). 2nd story. I get the fear of flying but unless it's across oceans there's other methods of travelling. If its a fear of flying why didn't he try to address it and compensate in other ways (like paying for her to travel). Seems like she put all the financial efforts in and he felt entitled to it. So NTA. Son needs a wake up call. Especially living at home at 24 id hope he's saving decent cash so he should have been paying for the hotel room and lots of other nice things too.

[@peterhobson3262]

Last story: Sorry but if someone screws up and refuses to admit their screwup then I'm going to tell them that they screwed up. If they're too immature to accept reality then that's just another screw up. OP is NTA for telling is son about sonny's screwups.

[@darkmask5933]

He is he AH for clearly acting like he's happy he gets to tell his son he's song, and for acting like the GF was this wonderful women when she literally cheated. (it doesn't matter she actually cheated or not, OP clearly says he and his wife are sure she did and he is still saying how wonderful she was).

[@hilarymurray8741]

First story : OP, I am so sorry for your loss. Remember the good times with your Mum and let her teach you from beyond by your learning from her mistakes. I'll tell you two things about money. 1) It brings out the absolute worst in people. 2) No matter how much it is, it soon goes if not managed wisely. People only want to know how much you have because they want to spend it for you. Tell them it's a non life changing amount and that most of that is tied up in the business. Never tell them how much you have as it's not their business. Do not splash out on trappings of wealth, or you are asking for trouble. Live modestly. Give to charities you feel sympathy for. Do not take the weight of the world on your shoulders, and that includes GFs family, who only want to spend your money on themselves and will think no more of you if you do let them treat you like an ATM. Do not let them. Keep saying "It's not that much" when they prod. Your brother in law wanting to start a family is his and his wife's business, no one else's. It's not up to you to pay for it. The lives of the others are up to them to solve as well. Give to one and the others will be clamouring with their hands out. Watch carefully how your GF behaves, as it seems she wants to spend your money on them as well. Get good, impartial advice and tie most of the free capital up in investments. Businesses regularly hit problems and you may need to reinvest capital in your company. Be careful. There are wolves all over the place who were not bothered with you before they knew you had money. Some of these wolves are clear to see, others not. Do not let yourself be trapped by them. Do nothing different until you have finished grieving for your mother. Then following a period of calm, look round you and see what the world holds for you then. Big hug and good luck.

[@randyl8979]

Money is relative. The more money the more relatives.

[@wickedbird1538]

😮😮first story: get experts around you

[@barneytaylor9338]

They need money, you have a company. Get them a job. Want money, work for it. Bonus, you get eyes in the company you can trust.

[@yef122]

Yep - what I'm up to right now is lying here doing a bit of jack sh!t 😂

[@ddavis8988]

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Nobody cares if the King cries. After a month, you see the pressure that your mom lived with. Guess what, counseling, accountant, lawyer, banker. There is nothing thats gonna make people forget you got money. Either you learn how to live with it or you let it crush you.

[@christophermills7693]

first rule of coming into contact of lots of money and it is don't tell anyone including family, especially family. Money brings out the worst in people. once you tell someone everyone knows and you end up needing to move out of town edit: people also need to learn there is a difference between a digited yearly income and a one time lump sum. if you want to see how financially fit someone is, ask them legally you have come into possession of 2 million dollars after taxes and what do you do with it. I asked this to a lady in a krispy kreme doughnut shop. She said buy a car and then I asked her what type. she said a lambo. not financially fit person. 2 million a once and done amount, that lambo can cost up to and even surpassing 1,250,000. that brand is a barely street legal race car and is a whole different beast to drive. Gas, maintenance and insurance there went the 2 million. wanna drive a lambo on a one and done winnings, find a place that rents them out and rent one, presuming a once and done winnings is more than what it would cost to do so.

[@LokisWitch]

I hate flying. As in I cried and have panic attacks. But I still do it for the ones I love. He didn't want to try. So dad not an asshole. But he could have been nicer about it

[@jrod1591]

Never tell anyone about your money. Ever. Never. Let them think you’re poor. If they are good to you when they don’t expect anything for you, then you know they may be worthy for help. He should have never ever told his gf about the money either.

[@LoveableNiki]

Story 2: NTA. While it feels crappy for someone to say hurtful things when a break-up is still fresh, Son was TA. GF always had to fly to OP??? Son did not contribute monetarily at all??? GF stayed with Son longer than she should have. In addition, telling someone that you'll never fly...never want to take a holiday...that can be a deal breaker. GF may have had places she'd want to visit that had to be visited by plane. Who wants to be stifled??? Wait!!!! Why are they assuming GF cheated??? There is no proof. GF is living her life. Son is trash. GF probably grieved that long ago.

[@mbyerly9680]

I am so sick on Reddit commenters who forgive crappy behavior because of "anxiety." Nothing is said about this kid having therapy, medication, or anything else. He just doesn't want to bother visiting his GF. Good on the GF for dumping his lazy ass.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: Talk to gf. Tell her that YOU cannot help her sister, but she can feel free to. Just because you became a multi-millionaire overnight, does NOT mean that you have to help everyone else, especially those who got themselves into the predicaments that they are currently in. Who would have helped them if you did not have the business and the money? Tell them that they have to do what they planned on doing before you got rich. If gf argues, or if she gives away all of HER money to help, thinking that you will take care of her, RUN THE HELL AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN. I hope to God that the two of you do not have a joint bank account.

[@bettreon]

Flying story. NTA there was a situation for him to get over his "fear" of flying by going to go see his gf. It's exactly the time for I told you so. When you're a grown man kid gloves isn't the time and placed to be used.

[@FredRated1967]

Story 1. OP needs to, if he doesn't already know, learn that "No." is a complete sentence. And invest the cash you inherited! But leave the business's accounts alone. You need operating capital after all.

[@jennilynne1977]

I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night! Peace ☮️, hugs 🤗 and love 😘!

[@ondank]

Story 2 : If your afraid of flying, don't get in a long distance relationship. The people defending the son are ridiculous. Son wasted his girlfriends time and never offered financial support. He IS lazy.

[@ettinakitten5047]

Story 1: I think counseling is desperately needed, and OP can definitely afford it. OP, you're grieving, you had a complicated relationship with your mom that probably messed you up in ways you haven't unpacked yet, and you've said you're starting to use substances in worrying ways. Please get counseling. Regardless of whether your gf's family really are being gold-diggers or you're just paranoid, you'll be better able to figure out how to deal with it if you get the help you need.

[@darkmask5933]

Story 2: I think people are missing the point, the question isn't is OP's son an AH, it is if OP is an AH for telling his son "I told you so" in regards to not putting in the effort. Honestly, if OP actually told his son he was wrong right after finding out GF was probably cheating on him, then yeah he kind of is the AH, it is an important lesson but something you did not need to kick your son while he was down. Plus to be honest, if GF was cheating then 'taking her side' is also kind of crappy, she's not as saintly as OP seems to be trying to portray. You break up before you sleep around. Basically, yes son needed to hear it, but probably did not need to hear it while he was still grieving the relationship, and OP needs to watch putting a cheater up on a pedestal. The more I think about it, actually, the more the fact OP basically said his son deserved to be cheated on really makes me stand firm OP is an AH. You don't tell your own children they deserve to be cheated on.

[@lastofadyingbreed4850]

I think OP was asking if he was wrong for telling his son that he should have expected those consequences for not putting in effort. Reading his comments, he and his wife are about 40% on if she was cheating and no clear passage of time to show how long it has been since the breakup.

[@jakeand9020]

"seeing him" does not necessarily translate into "cheating." More likely that's why she broke up with him, so she didn't cheat on him.

[@darkmask5933]

@@jakeand9020 "Me and my wife have no doubt she was seeing him whilst still in a relationship with my son." Whether or not that were actually cheating, OP indicates pretty strongly he and his wife think she was. But oh no she was still perfect for his son.

[@darkmask5933]

@@lastofadyingbreed4850 OP sounds smug about it. There's nothing wrong with telling your children when they mess up and how to improve themselves in the future, but while they are still grieving is not the time. Plus OP seems to really be defending the cheating ex-girlfriend like she's a real catch.

[@lastofadyingbreed4850]

@@darkmask5933 I'm a father to 8 daughters with the oldest being 15, the youngest being 8 months old, these are live lessons, my second oldest was held back last year, we told what she needed to do to pass but she didn't listen then when she failed she was upset and my wife wanted to coddle her, I shut that down real quick by explaining what my mentor teach, everything in life has consequences whether they be good or bad like going to the mall when you have an exam the next day or getting her grandmother(my mom) to send tickets for to go to america during national study week here. So, after her phone, tablet, and laptop and not letting go out but to school and cram school, I explained we do everything we to prevent it, talked to instructors, paid for tutors, got her tested to see if it was something other than being lazy, then we gave her the rope, now she old friend make fun of her and she can't seem to make new friends, we will send her to another school at the beginning of the next term but needed to see and hear to consequences of her actions. More info if needed: I'm a black ex-pat born in the deep south who lived in japan and my wife is fully blooded japanese, and other roles were reversed during this. Oh, I forgot to said with my post but verdict ESH.