Criticom - The Worst Fighting Game

[@NobodyPrototype]

Matt, you're just bad at Criticom. Every morning I wake up and palm slam a CD-ROM into the Sony Playstation. It's Criticom and right then and there I start doing the moves alongside the main character, Sonork Nezom. I do every move and I do every move hard. Making whooshing sounds when I slam down some Zerai bastards or even when I mess up a technique. Few can say they recovered The Relic. I can. I say it and I say it outloud everyday to people in my Zoom class and all they do is prove that people in Zoom class can still be immature jerks. 2 hours including wind down every morning.

[@christianpalmer225]

Sonork is the best character in the game, no cap.

[@riftvallance2087]

I remember the game being considerably less painful after the second power level

[@NightshadowZX]

Quitkp

[@keithmichael112]

I kinda want to hear this in Dagoth Urs voice from Morrowind

[@carlosrodriguez-di3bs]

It was on PlayStation as well?

[@KnightLineArtYT]

The fact that both life bars move in the same direction instead of towards the clock or away from each other bothers me more than it should.

[@zeldaglitchman]

Not only that, everything else is symmetrical

[@chibisven]

Watching Matt struggle to win a fight and remembering that I played all the way through and unlocked everyone's ending and "victory code" makes me wonder if that's why I'm in therapy today.

[@meatshield_]

Demonica's cutscene made me think that she was an oblivion character that they tried to make sexy, but no matter what they tried, it didn't work. So they just said "fuck it, give her the smallest metal bikini we can". In game, she looks like someone tried to make an OSRS character sexy.

[@rimthestew254]

this game makes the AI feels like he's your older brother and just gave you the second controller and he bullied you the whole game.

[@dairenoh693]

Oh god, you're right!

[@SuperLlama42]

Demonica's backstory: "Pfft, I don' fuckin' know. We have five months to shit this out you think we have time for a backstory?"

[@TheOriginalStix]

Her backstory is literally "She just sorta turned up one day and we don't know why."

[@jayive34]

@@TheOriginalStix Demonica be like: I don't who I am or why I am here. All I know is that I must kill.

[@Dom_Maretti]

@@jayive34 Ah...the Shadow the Edgehog approach...

[@algi1]

Just based on the characters when you said it was a comic book license, I instantly knew it's Spawn. Demonica has to be Angela, SID is Overtkill, Gorm is Violator…

[@darthcinema4262]

So which one is closest to Spawn himself?

[@ralph8677]

​@@darthcinema4262 Probably Sonork. His head is basically the same, just recolored grey.

[@Blackhawk211]

You are the reason Max played this. That was fucking hilarious

[@adultmoshifan87]

Believe it or not, in the final issue of the UK’s Sega Saturn Magazine, one mail order game company was advertising that they were selling US import games, and offered a free copy of Criticom with every order! They must’ve needed to get rid of those games ASAP!

[@chidmania8485]

😂

[@batmanfan43]

Max's "GET UP!" needs to be an alarm tone

[@jamespalmer5679]

Lol. Right

[@karnerblue7658]

😆 I’d buy it!

[@LtheOriginal]

I always love it when Matt makes references to Max. Since it's generally at Max's expense.

[@vision4860]

*"...Get uuuuup!"*

[@jackmorgan1710]

My first thought when I saw the main menu was "Where the hell is the training option?" My first thought upon seeing the gameplay was "Where the hell is the option to view your movelist?"

[@Astfgl]

To be fair, the original Tekken didn't come with a training mode or an in-game movelist either. At least back then games still came with a manual included...

[@karnerblue7658]

It’s about time fighting games started doing that! They didn’t do that back in my gaming days in the 90’s. 🙂

[@AkumaTh]

The title sounds like someone's youtube show criticizing Capcom.

[@TKillatheGanonFan]

So, in other words, in an alternate universe, What Happun is called Criticom.

[@ninjabluefyre3815]

I'd prefer Critikonami.

[@Confusionisastate]

Sonork sounds like a noise Godzilla would make if he had a cold.

[@RonneyCampos]

Also it's Kronos backwards. So it's... Something?!?

[@cjhedrick6418]

Delora: NOOOOOOO! *Holds up her sword in triumph*

[@mysticmind4563]

To be fair, she's the only character with direct tie-in to this Maguffin. I wouldn't be surprised if she was meant to be the main character.

[@montague4931]

Who else wants to see Matt and Max go head-to-head in a 2-player Criticom deathmatch?

[@ghj743tf]

Meeeee I want anything to happen

[@gelidgenteel]

please.

[@ghj743tf]

@@gelidgenteel Please what Lol? I want to see it Deal with it

[@steventonche1037]

I'd pay money for that

[@timthetoolmantaylor9048]

@@ghj743tf He clearly wasn't speaking to you weirdo

[@antonevans4218]

The characters mutated or got cybernetic enhancements each time you beat the game with them. The Demonica you remember was probably the finished product. I beat that game with every character. 14-year old me was invested.

[@antonevans4218]

@marhawkman303 They look a little coler each time. Some folks get more cybernetic enhancements, others start to look like monsters. It caps off after two upgrades. After that you get a weak CGI ending.

[@djhero0071]

We need a Wha Happun on this.

[@kanekofruity9096]

Yes we really need a Wha Happun episode on this.

[@Haysey_Draws]

"What a Waffle of a man" ...OK i'm stealing this!

[@hitmane7]

Holy Shit. This was one of the first games I received when I got my PlayStation. My parents didn't want to spend any more money on it so they went with what was on sale and this was it.

[@darnellhagood1052]

This is one of the first games I got for my Saturn….

[@Ascendedninja6]

Did it make you never play videogames again?

[@fuzzyzombielove]

"Gorn, the mightiest of the Doorknobs"

[@mikekyzivat1242]

Here's a fun fact for you: Kronos was the same company that did all the cut scenes for Eternal Champions: Challenge from the dark side. just compare the art from Criticom and EC and it is unmistakable. And if I remember right they were also the same company that did those horrible 3D building animations from the Spider-man TAS Catroon from the 90's on Fox. You know the ones, the background scenes that always had Spider-man swinging through the city.

[@lancepage1914]

That makes sense, I didn't know that but in retrospect I remember cutscenes of these games looking remarkably similar.

[@karnerblue7658]

I can see the similarities now that you mention it. Thanks for the fun fact! 🙂

[@NotaPizzaGRL]

Hmm... there were plans for a 3D Eternal Champions. What if when that idea fell through, Kronos decided to work with Vic Tokai?

[@mikekyzivat1242]

@REZ I know there was supposed to be a third Eternal Champions, it still irks me to this day that it was never made, but was it supposed to be 3D? I always thought it was going to be another 2D fighter. But I could be wrong.

[@RawrX32009]

@@mikekyzivat1242 A 2D EC for the Saturn would be nice

[@jackburton3212]

I was unfortunate enough to have purchased this back in the day (I was in my 20s). The only character I remember being able to play somewhat successfully was Demonica. She had this threefold attack (like giant fireballs) and that's how I beat the game, by spamming the move over and over. It was terrible. Ironically, I loved the soundtrack lol

[@TheLarryburns84]

what is it with shit games sometimes having cool music?? MK Sub Zero Mythologies has a surprisingly good soundtrack.. but Dan Forden himself did it so that one at least makes sense

[@jackburton3212]

@@TheLarryburns84 that's basically every game Tim Follin composed for. banging music, infuriatingly bad gameplay lol

[@areoants9453]

>weird demon lady apparates from nowhere >smacks you once >dances around you for a minute and a half >declares victory

[@superking208]

Sonork is Kronos backwards, SO creative

[@ejvarnir5387]

I can’t decide if it’s better or worse than Noob Saibot 😄

[@rasmusdegn9690]

I haven't had my mind blown this heavily since i learned that Rellik from TNA was Killer spelled backwards.

[@LangstonDev]

@@ejvarnir5387 noob saibot is dumb af but at least it's fun to say

[@reillocb]

Last time this blew my mind was megaman x command mission where redips was spider backwards

[@ourdivinemouseoverlord3308]

From Pokemon, Ekans is Snake backwards and Arbok is Kobra backwards. Took me a VERY long time to notice that.

[@Boinkity1]

Matt, after seeing you play this game, I'm kinda hoping that you do a "What Happened" episode about it.

[@theblocksays]

Every intro should end in a "would you like to know more?"

[@RetroRanter]

A game so bad it spawned a whole series from Matt 😂💜

[@arcaneoculus3682]

It certainly isn’t dong dong never die

[@limmynade]

dong dong is unironically good though?

[@moongoose8768]

@@limmynade I think that was OP's point?

[@gfys9724]

What is tho???

[@nubworthycigars6682]

@Nero Mauritzen isn’t unironically fantastic just... fantastic?... or is it ironic that it’s such a “bad game” it’s good? I’m legit unfamiliar with the title mentioned and just looking at screenshots of games in this era isn’t a fair way to judge the games. Like even the best looking PS1 games (maybe MGS or something from square soft?) can look a bit silly especially in screen shots.

[@Azumarito]

That game is actually pretty good!

[@MORBID_DEICIDE]

This was one of my first game. All I remember is the alien would fall off the edge of the platform and yell yettiiiiiiiiii

[@MORBID_DEICIDE]

THANK YOU FOR THE BLAST FROM THE PAST

[@MezzoForte4]

It's pretty mindblowing, hilarious and a little sad knowing that any terribly shitty game in any platform can be someone's first game. Thankfully, as kids we can see the fun in it but if we ever see it again as adults it hurts to realize how shit the game was. I remember a Tom and Jerry game for SNES that I loved as a kid, it was pretty hard. I played it again as an adult and I'm beyond speechless as to how I managed to have fun with that piece of shit game.

[@devildukitzu]

I remember playing the crap out of this game when it was new. I do have my nostalgia glasses for it. It seems none of the people I watch play this game never makes it through the full tournament. It consists of going through the roster three times, each time the characters get altered designs like wings or rocket launchers or more armor or something. I don't remember if its the case, but I think that's where the special moves come in. Depending on what stage of upgrade the character is in, allows more moves to be used.

[@riftvallance2087]

The moves just become better. Like single projectiles become multi blasts and stuff

[@deathgoddragon3698]

Two thought occurred the moment I started watching this. One: "I've played this before." Two: "WHY did I play this before???"

[@somepoliticalgamer6459]

This is the first PS1 game I’ve ever played. My Dad set up the console and put this game in (other games he bought were: Warhawk, Krazy Ivan, Twisted Metal, and Agile Warrior). My grandmother who was in her mid 70s at the time also picked up a controller. I chose the green goblin looking thing and she chose the short haired lady. We both had no clue what was going on. And there is my first PS1 memory ever. RIP WHITE NANA.

[@RhodieSlayer]

The worst game I played not just fighting games in general. Nearly unplayable and you can’t even get past the first character

[@gfdfgdfg8340]

Game is so embarrassing

[@moonjelly5]

The narrator sounds like the "Where did you learn to fly?" Head from that AVGN episode.

[@spiralbottom]

The echo on Matt's "NOOOoooo" was a nice touch

[@BionicKraken]

13:23 There's something so funny about the low hum music combined with the slow spinning move. Such absolute shit *chef kiss* I love it.

[@Spawnwick_Boseman82820]

5:27 best death scream ever

[@notjohnnyknoxville]

what about yoda death scream?

[@camilovarela478]

Defende

[@wavnino1]

I thought she said "Japannnnn" like the announcer from street fighter

[@MyNameisRevenant]

The moment she said "yepeeeEEE" I felt it, now that I think of it, is that chick related to Raiden from Mortal Kombat by any chance?

[@ironmaster6496]

Jarek from MK4: finally a worthy opponent

[@CollinSchleper]

This unlocked a memory from a PlayStation demo disc.

[@darthprime4916]

I remember owning this and being like “this sucks” but I liked that you could upgrade characters and wanted to see what they would become. Horrible haha

[@JohannesBee]

This is certainly a game that exists, isn't it?

[@ultimapower6950]

Yep

[@WheelieRex]

God it's been a long time since I laughed like the dodging montage made me laugh. Watching Matt figure out the systems (you know, such as they are) is great, but this editing is also fantastic

[@AnAverageGoblin]

every time a cutscene plays or the narrator talks about lore I just want to scream "oh my god who cares"

[@UnvisibleINK]

But... the narration and cutscenes are the best part of this game. Without them, there's just gameplay.

[@AnAverageGoblin]

@@UnvisibleINK Not if its long, boring and drawn out.

[@jvcdeadmoney]

I care.

[@Blackhawk211]

This game makes ehrgeiz look like Tekken It makes dong dong never die look like MVC

[@MrSkerpentine]

But that would imply that Dong Dong Never Die is bad

[@alexh2413]

@@MrSkerpentine MvC is dead,but Dong Dong never is

[@raider1o295]

I LOVE Ehrgeiz. I have no idea where it gets it's hate. Friends and I played it a ton.

[@Viichan777]

@@raider1o295 I love it too

[@thegreatgambino]

I remember wanting this game early on in the PS1 lifespan. At the time, it looked cool from the box screenshots . Expected a cross between Tekken and Killer Instinct but boy was I let down. Nevertheless, I made the best of it and logged many hours. 90s gaming in a nutshell.

[@lancepage1914]

I always thought this was a Battle Arena Toshindin clone, it was even released before this game. Battle Arena Toshindin had many sequels after to. Eventually Soul Edge/Calibre series took over this fighting game sub-genre.

[@Blacknight8850]

Jesus, I mean... at least the _Bio F.R.E.A.K.S_ were, y'know, F.R.E.A.K.S? This looks like you took that out and replaced it with nothing.

[@keatonkitsune4064]

Screw you! Threaded cane is life!

[@salaciouscreations4323]

The game is like being married 10years. . Pretty to look at no gameplay to be found not worth anything on trade in

[@childofcascadia]

Your analogy sucks.

[@Dragon4234]

If Criticom was so bad, how come there’s no Criticom 0.5?

[@ghj743tf]

Lol what you talking about

[@pon3d120]

@@ghj743tf If good games get a sequel, bad games should get a dequel.

[@davidjsaul]

@@pon3d120 Rise of the Robots and Shaq Fu 0.5. Make it happen, people 😂

[@CrazyAztekX3]

I remember that when I was little, my dad couldn’t afford to buy me the newest game, so they bought me Criticom because it was on sale...to me it wasn’t terrible, I loved that game because it was from my dad...my favorite characters were Gorm and Dayton, and I believe after you beat the game, the character beat the game with, the character gets a new skin (I shed a tear thinking about it.....) (but i guess the game was terrible looking at now 😅)

[@stillcantbesilencedevennow]

Tbf, your story is nice. Similar to some of my own memories as a child. (Enjoying what was given merely for it having been given by those I love)

[@fj60driver]

Imagine someone wasting their life making this and thinking "Yeah that's good enough."

[@Polymathically]

Worse than Rise of the Robots?! That's actually impressive...

[@ikaruga24]

Rise is like Tekken 7 compared to this.

[@johnellis3383]

"Sergeant Exene comes from a worn torn world" even the intros are f'ed up lol

[@ARCWuLF]

The "key" to Criticom (if it has one) is learning how to throw and push your opponents off the platform. This has limited effectiveness, though, as S.I.D. is completely immune to throws (probably not deliberately).

[@luoqiangwei]

Matt if you see this : look up Arm Joe, it's a japanese fighting game based on Les Misérables by Victor Hugo. as a french person and fan of the book I can tell you it's WILD and as a fighting game it is definitely : an experience

[@user-ni2vd7ft6u]

I can’t believe this actually got dethroned

[@Stratelier]

Interesting how this "worst fighting game" series started out as something like an annotated LP before evolving into a more-legitimate review/analysis of each title.

[@andr00py]

I have apparently played this game. The sound of the ninja lady falling off the stage has awakened an old, abandoned memory in my brain.

[@jessragan6714]

Here's a fun little bit of trivia for you. You know those really crappy CGI scenes in the Spider-Man 1990s cartoon? Kronos made those too!

[@DarkScorpion64]

I was really confused because Gorm looked a lot like a character from a meh fighting game on the N64 and then you explained Dark Rift is actually a sequel of sorts.

Holy crap. I remember playing this as a kid on my Sega Saturn and thinking "this is kinda bad." Looks like I was right.

[@chaos_omega]

The box art looks like a game Matrix would play in ReBoot season 3. The actual game looks like a crappy one Bob would play in season 1.

[@JaimeR2D]

Wow yea this is the worst. Worst than Ultra Vortek, and Way of the Warrior, and Bloodstorm even!

[@jjjsalang]

Worse than Masters of Teras Kasi?

[@thegreat1007]

Teras kasi was good compared to this

[@vincentshadetree]

The game had a leveling up system where their looks and powers get an update. Demonica at her level 3 is more monster like

[@tommyjohnson1066]

Gorm is just a giant booger in Sayian power armor

[@Solradguy2501]

At least Criticom has ring outs, in Dark Rift you're just stuck on a flat hellscape with no way to escape

[@MrTubeStuck]

There is something cathartic about hearing elevator music while a 3d model of a something is trying to twirl around

[@MikeyC0117]

I had the experience of owning this on my Sega Saturn. $14.99? Can’t afford not to.

[@ospididious]

You're right, the whole budget went into the cut scenes.

[@domformula1]

Rented this back in the day, my abiding memory was the fighter who had the winning quote ‘who’s your daddy?’

[@BigEOT3]

There’s probably a fighting game hell where this, Dual Heroes, and Goonya Fighter are taking up space.

[@daviddelgado6068]

matts laugh is the best thing about this video seriously

[@karnerblue7658]

He always gets me going when he cracks up.

[@ryebananabread7843]

8:14 Memories broken The truth goes unspoken I’ve even forgotten my name I don’t know the season or what is the reason I’m standing g here holding my blade A desolate place (place) Without any trace (trace) It’s only the cold wind I feel It’s me that I spite as I stand up and fight The Only Thing I Know For Real There will be blood! shed! The man in the mirror nods his head The only one! Left! Will ride upon the dragon’s back Because the mountains don’t give back what they take Oh no, there will be blood! Shed! It’s the only thing I’ve ever known Losing my identity, wondering have I gone insane To find the truth in front of me, I must climb this mountain range Looking downward from this deadly height Never realizing why I fight!

[@TsunogaiDanshaku]

Don't mind me, just pirouetting around my opponent for 90 seconds while a bangin' acoustic guitar cover of FANG's theme plays

[@Valkod23]

I knew I recognized the name and general shape of Sonork. I actually played Dark Rift back on the N64 in the day and man, I recall him being the second to last opponent you fought and he could basically hit any range with his attacks (special move button presses are shared between all Dark Rift characters, learn one character's moves, you learn them all). He lost one of his hands and got it replaced with this cannon that also had three blades in it and if you were far enough away, he'd extend them out so far and fast it'd hit you. Zero tracking on it, but that's what his cannon was for, it could shoot 3-5 shots I forget, but he tracked your movement so you had to keep moving along the 3D plane to not get hit. He was a bastard that acted as the gatekeeper to the final battle and I swear that Demitron was easier than Sonork. Interestingly, if you beat the last boss Demitron, you could play as him in the same story tournament, but there's Demonica who's planning on backstabbing Demitron and fighting her as Demitron like turns her into an old-school SNK boss who completely ignores whatever difficulty you've set the game for and just goes all out because it's like her AI is programmed to not hold back against Demitron as she's intent on betraying him. I actually could not view his ending myself (he does have one) purely because of that Demonica's AI suddenly deciding to not hold anything back. I did beat it as Sonork and I was... not happy with his ending, not happy at all. If you go to the vgmuseum website and look at the endings for Criticom, Demonia's has her transforming in the ending into what she looked like in Dark Rift.

[@williamdunbar2802]

Mortal Kombat 2 levels of input reading by the computer opponents

[@ALEXCLOCKWORKORANGE1]

I used to play this game like crazy. You have to beat the game 3 time with each character to level the characters up. The more you level up your fighters the more fighting moves and powers they are able to do

[@Shan_Verified]

That ring out scream has me in tears.

[@TonyHighwind]

That intro is giving off dangerously high levels of WARRIOR OF THE LOST WORLD energy.

[@khari3477]

So glad i discovered your channel, this video was so funny. I didn't even know Shiticom existed before lmfao.

[@DaermaeonBranKor]

“You better do something cool. Like piss off a cliff or something.” ...wait, what?!?

[@kartyl1wielki]

I also think that taking a shit would be better.

[@Pipkiablo]

I stand by my earlier opinion when I saw a clip of this game in another of your videos but had no idea what the game was. The game itself looks terrible, but that S.I.D. character is one of the coolest things I've ever seen in an early PS1 game. Of course I'll admit my bias in that I absolutely love robots that look more like robots than people and the blocky graphics kind of work for a machine character.

[@dan_acostacap]

the "EHEEEEEeeeee~" from the first ring out fucked me up

[@FlashNeko417]

14:18 - Yeah, that's the perfect music for this situation.

[@Drummersflow]

Do you know what the song is? Sounds so familiar but I can't put my finger on it

[@FlashNeko417]

@@Drummersflow It's Little V Mill's cover of FANG's theme from SFV: soundcloud.com/littlevmills/street-fighter-v-fangs-theme-acousitc-cover

[@Drummersflow]

@@FlashNeko417 Thank you so much!

[@Freenure]

They left in the VA's pauses to breathe. She is voicing a robot. The robot has lungs. And the game has hardly even started.

[@tonypang83]

I finally got round to watching this after all the other "worst fighting game" videos, and I wasn't disappointed 😂

[@jasonotto9126]

I'm at the same point lol good to know

[@mariano3716]

When you began circling around her and that smooth track began I laughed, but when it began again for the end of the round I died

[@Hektols]

As someone who didn't have the Playstation I used to be jealous when I saw the game's pics in magazines (it was before Internet's mass expansion)

[@malikevans634]

That opening cutscene gave me nostalgia. And that was the one good part.

[@johngr1747]

I respect the animations the characters have once you pick them! They're still poorly animated but that would be a good feature for an actually good game!

[@mysticx0]

Gorm is literally a copy of the Gorm creatures that fought Kirk in the star trek series.

[@WhispyWoods.]

The sense of nostalgia for me when seeing early 90’s FMV/CGI is unmatched.

[@gabriels.carvalho4852]

The best part is at 10:11, where "S.I.D" just casually answers the lady's question while on the ground after an ass wooping, lol.

[@rud5101]

I'm not fully convinced that this is a real game... But I did like the acoustic FANG theme at 14:20

[@comettamer]

Dayton shouldn't be in a fighting game, he should be playing basketball with that vertical leap.

[@childofcascadia]

The funny thing is, that cgi intro cutscene might make for an ok start to a shlocky ps1 era 3rd person scifi rpg or something. As a fighting game, no.

[@brendowego]

Fun fact about this game, if one player loses due to time out and another loses to ring out at the same time, the game just soft locks. I don't know if this game has draws in it or not

[@ManiacMoomin]

Delara lost so hard in her cutscene that she woke up ass backwards.

[@psirensongs]

Who the fuck did the music for this and why is it the best part of the game by a country mile like, the game is Criticom and the rest of the sound design is hilariously bad but the music actually fucks, fr

[@XxTrueGhostxX]

I think "Killing Zone" on PS1 has this game beat for the worst fighting game title. A fighting game where you fight as monsters like Frankenstein, Minotaur, a Mummy etc. Sounds cool right....? Matt, please do a playthrough of that game and a Wha Happun episode.

[@THENAMEISQUICKMAN]

Isn't that the one where you get the AUTO MODE where you train your character Pokemon style? But they forgot to add a save feature, so it's totally pointless?

[@charleschamp9826]

While Spawn might add up, I wouldn't be surprised if the comic license that got moved to some other dev/publisher ended up being canceled. Not saying that is what happened, just that it's a possible option.

[@Jiren261]

When I was a kid I went to buy this because the cover looked cool and it was a fighting game, the guy in the shop said "please don't buy this because it's absolutely terrible" and he picked out another game for me (can't remember what it was).