Mayim Bialik on Attachment Parenting, Discipline, & Setting Boundaries

[@HannahBeWhitty]

Mayim, you have been a personal role model for me for the past ten years. First, as a fierce single woman moving through post-secondary education. Second, as a vegan. Now, as a mom. Thanks for talking about your parenting style! We are doing something very similar and it has created a pretty happy, harmonious environment in our home.

[@mehamurmurs1686]

Man she talks about laying down breastfeeding and writing a thesis like it’s not that big a deal or accomplishment, that in itself is just amazing !

[@jessa3654]

I used attachment parenting for all 3 of my boys and it's true they become confident and independent. Everyone said "you are making them so needy". It took a lot of patience and it wasn't easy and they were literally stuck to me like glue until around 3 but I will tell you what. When I dropped each of them off their first day of pre-k they didn't even look back. I cried but they were ready. It even hurt my feelings a little lol. Now at ages 16, 19 and 21 they are confident, caring, independent and sensitive young men. It was so worth the extra effort early on! I will say be very careful co-sleeping... You would be shocked how many babies die per year on accident in their parents bed. Just make sure your bed is very safe. I used a co-sleeper that was next to the bed. Made night nursing a breeze. It was a lot of work but I promise you they grow up so fast before you know it. I miss them needing me more. Edit: Don't get me wrong they aren't perfect and did pull some stuff in their early teen years but they learned a lot through natural consequences.

[@oigrico]

I am trying to do the same, my son is now 2 but I constantly get people to say that you need to let him go to childcare or go out more because he is acting possessive or dominant. I do take him out everyday and unless it’s dangerous or bothering other people I generally will let him choose what he wants to do. And by hearing these comments I did doubt myself that am I doing the right thing, he just seems have higher demands and appears selfish.

[@mariiaward6881]

Listening to her is so comforting and inspiring at the same time. ❤️

[@bethjones4514]

So inspirational. This is what I’m trying to build with my baby 🥰

[@Marylandgal0508]

Is this the book/course she would recommend ? Quality parenting ? I would love to learn more. I hope she talks about this more in a future podcast!

[@kinndah2519]

I can't say enough good things about this woman. & you're a great interviewer.

[@debbydance7]

She’s the best. ❤

[@Marylandgal0508]

I want to hear more about the solids bc I'm really not comfortable giving mine solids at 7m but I feel pressured to

[@firstclasspropertiesgroup8124]

I believe in.. You get what you raise” I raised my kid right, I’ve never needed to discipline my child. She is now getting her Degrees in College !

[@SapphicTwist]

Unfortunately, Bialik has a very traditional way of talking about her role as a disciplinary force in the lives of her children, obscuring the point that behavior is rarely (if ever) an irreducible fact. Instead, behavior always comes from some combination of ANS state, safety and emotional context (Stephen Porges, Polyvagal Theory). Does Bialik enforce boundaries with her friends? No? Then why is "boundary-setting" so important in her relationship with her children? Yes, American society places a huge emphasis on independence, but the worst part is the expectation that children will self-regulate their emotions, without the non-judgemental, "co-regulatory" support of parents. You know, the kind of support we routinely extend when our friends are struggling. Do the same with your children, and the results will amaze you.

[@SapphicTwist]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/Y3mlgWNthat9g8k

[@jellyisjam]

What? Of course people have set boundaries with their friends? We just don't have to talk about them because they're inherent....we learned them from our parents... And I will often tell them if they are doing something I don't agree with??? Being honest with each other is part of being close? Do you just exist in an echo chamber?

[@SapphicTwist]

@@jellyisjam Are you a "disciplinary force" in the life of your friends? That's the sense in which I am using boundaries, as a conflict zone requiring constant vigilance and enforcement. People--children or adults--who are constantly being policed into staying within the lines of a social situation do not experience safety, making co-regulation (Porges) difficult if not impossible. Is such socialization sometimes appropriate? Yes, the way that mistakes on a math test will be indicated in a way that is more black and white than the dialogical feedback you might give to someone who has written a story. The point is, all behavioral challenges are learning situations, and how an adult chooses to engage that learning determines the developmental course of emotional intelligence.