Carla Naumburg: Your Parenting Wakeup Call

Carla Naumburg, PhD, LICSW (clinical social worker & bestselling author) helps us break down "sh*tty parent syndrome", the evolution in parenting methods from generation to generation, and practical ways to practice self-care. Mayim and Carla discuss the unusual origin story of their friendship after Carla wrote an article criticizing Mayim’s parenting techniques. They explain the importance of honesty when sharing parenting struggles and not comparing yourself to other parents, how meditation impacts their parenting skills, and the dark side of "mommy blogging." Carla shares why she doesn’t believe there are bad parents, what self-compassion in parenting really means, and her tips for parenting with anxiety and mindfulness-based stress reduction.
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Check out Carla Naumburg's latest book, You Are Not A Sh*tty Parent: www.carlanaumburg.com/books/y...
Theme Song Written, Produced, and Performed by Ed Robertson. Mixed by Kenny Luong.
#MayimBialik​​​ #BialikBreakdown #CarlaNaumburg #Parenting

[@M1C4]

I have to say, not many women seem to experience it or at least talk about it, but my shame around my past mom rage is real and I just so appreciate you being honest and vulnerable about it. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[@stblawlor76]

Thank you so much for sharing. Walking meditation? It sounds amazing. I love that you are both so real. I had/have mom rage at times. The over stimulated mom I guess? But thank you for sharing. ❤

[@m_brokenleg]

“Your brain can’t do anything when you’re in a crisis” “Parenting is hard for everyone. Just because it’s hard it doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong” WOW! Two gems 💎of today’s episode to keep them written in new season MBB Mantra Collection!

[@deenee6789]

The other day I was yelling at my 4 & 1/2 year old and she very sweetly came up to me and said , mama are you feeling frustrated? And I felt so embarrassed because I don't think I knew why I was having a Rage attack and her saying that totally grounded me. I hate that we as kids were not taught to recognize our feelings but we're always told to behave. Just behave and have good manners 🥺

[@nonnamynatt4439]

What a brilliant conversation! For me to be "a good enough parent " meant not to become my mother. No silence treatment, no gaslighting, no comparing, no crossing the boundaries, etc...Just a simple rule: would you treat your friend, sibling, coworker like you treat your kids? Unfortunately, kids don't come with manuals and a lot work is done by tired and uneducated parents who repeat their own parents' patterns. Parents do need support with the child care, parental and sick leave. Also, I remember when I needed help the most we had only basic medical care, which not included mental health support at all. My kids are 21 and 27 and I wish I had this podcast then...🌺🌺🌺Thank you!🐞

[@KristinM626]

I’m not a parent & don’t plan to become one, but I think this is an ep everyone needs to watch/listen to. So many good little reminders to be patient and mindful with yourself, let alone others.

[@MayimBialik]

💯

[@katierobinson3585]

One of my favorites. I will not listen to parenting advice for fear that I will discover how I’ve “F’ed up my kids” followed by all consuming shame. This was not that! This was great!

[@marisamartinezolivera]

Where was THIS episode when I was a working mom of little ones? Again, another great episode of PARENTING FOR EVERYONE, parent or not. How I love this from Carla: “Shit happens and tomorrow is another day”!! So freeing, self-scafolding that is valid to all, parents or not. Now that I’m a nurturing and caring young grandma of a toddler and soon to an infant too, I plan to read Carla’s books and gift my sons and in-laws with them. As we say in Spanish “Nunca es tarde si la dicha es buena” 😉Thank you!

[@BostonIce37]

Tan cierta

[@kimrhodes9483]

This is one of the best podcasts I have ever seen as a therapist. We moms are HUMAN and society does not teach us how to be human in our brokenness. God speed ladies and Jonathan! GREAT JOB!

[@corgicuttie]

I love that this beautiful friendship started in a potentially adversarial way. Now it's clearly a dually beneficial friendship for all of us to benefit from!

[@JaniceAJanice]

Whenever I think a topic may not be relevant to me I have been, without a doubt, proven wrong! I am not a parent, but as a person, daughter, sister, auntie, friend I learned so much 🙏 and I want Carla to be my friend!

[@leticiaperez243]

Mayim it doesn’t matter how old they are or where they are that mirror is there. It’s never too late to change. I always have told my kids that their feelings are valid, just because they are having them. I apologize constantly and I will say as a mother of a 23 and 20 year old (The 15 yr old is still home) they notice and appreciate when we have tried our best when we listen and we are there for them. They know we aren’t perfect - I at least never pretended to be, I let them see and we talk about all of our flaws. When they got older and could not only point that mirror at me but could verbalize what I was doing or saying and how it was making them feel - that was some hard shit to take. I chose to step back - not get defensive and be proud that I raised them to be command confident enough to tell me. I wake up each day with the intent to be my best self, that’s an ever changing goal and sometimes we miss the mark. I am not saying there aren’t things I wish I hadn’t done or said, but I choose to apologize when I am wrong and to keep learning from them and myself.

[@Tina-bd9et]

So I’m not a parent but still learned a lot from this episode. Growing up, we were not allowed to disrespect our parents (which seemingly expressing anger was disrespectful) but mainly that was with my mom. My dad once said if you’re anger, come talk to me and we’ll walk through it. Respecting my mom - was - as I remember a lesson in the same direction of respecting our elders. Now that I’m grown - probably a good lesson to learn in respecting ourselves and others in general. 👍

[@DaniElle-di4ho]

Mayim and Jonathan: this show is so important to me, it is a major part of my self-care and self discovery / therapy routine! Thank you!!!

[@katieteage6571]

100% agree

[@katieteage6571]

1. Thank you (again) for another brilliant podcast full of so many gems!! 2. Just going to put it out there, can you do a worldwide live show? I have so many questions for both of you and EVERYONE you interview. 3. Can we have an MBB book group? Monthly book suggestions and a place to discuss? As a group of listeners, we would have lots to talk about. Thank you as always

[@joshuaradloff1070]

I'm glad there are atleast some mothers who actually care and feel sorry about losing their shit with their kids, some people couldnt give a shit about losing their shit with their kids, instead feel justified in losing their shit and expect their kids to pay them for the oh so lovely childhood theyve been given

[@melissasaint3283]

This. I love the whole idea of this very needed talk they're having! But the description says she believes there aren't any bad parents....which I'm sure is an oversimplified way of saying, she wants to reassure regular parents, and encourage them to stop demonizing themselves for being normal fallible human beings...three cheers for that! But objectively bad parenting is definitely a thing. I worked with children for years, many of whom came to our program from Child Protective services, And I've just recently been proofreading the papers of a Social Work graduate student, concentrating on the effectiveness of different interventions for youth who experienced childhood abuse, neglect and/or trauma. There are bad parents in the world, sadly. Very bad parents. Stories that curdle your blood and break your heart. Some "bad parents" just need intervention, support and compassion! They want to be and can become good parents! But others are people whom no level of intervention or support would probably be enough to make them even baseline safe caregivers. And still others are genuinely malignant, and may need to go to prison, because they're criminals and a threat to society at large....parents, for example, who engage in the human trafficking of children. Bad Parents are NOT the one's beating themselves up for yelling when they should have spoken, for not reading to their kids enough, for their kids wearing wrinkled clothes to school that day because it was a crazy week or month, for not breastfeeding, etc ... The majority of these genuinely "bad" parents I'm taking about are probably not here watching this. But if you, random person reading this... If you know you need help, Please tell someone and reach out and get it! For your kids and for you!

[@phelopita9471]

As a person who does not have children this taught me alot of tools to use for both my siblings and nieces and nephews.

[@MayimBialik]

LOVE it!!! 🧠🫶

[@matiaspereira9382]

@@MayimBialik I really miss you as Amy in Big Bang Theory!

[@bobbyjosanchez3953]

I have started stopping myself during tense moments with my children and observing their physical and emotional state. I realized that if I started raising my voice, or looming over them it just increased the depth of tension. I am learning to talk things through with them more instead of flying off the handle. I am very interested in getting your guests book for 8-12 year olds for both of my kids to read. Excellent interview today. Thank you Mayim and Jonathan! ❤

[@vanessawhitneypro]

FANTASTIC. I've been a nanny for over 20 years... SO excited to share this episode (and book) with parents!

[@morrisahj]

Carla’s book seems to say “focus on yourself (in the right ways) if you want to be a better parent” and I think that is perfect, wonderful, revolutionary, and absolutely correct! It is all the good things 🙏 Shout out to all on the brave journey of self discovery 🤞 it’s a beautiful thing ❤ love the podcast so much, it’s led to some great journaling sessions

[@chicagokat8]

This brought back memories of when I created “Mean Mommy” to handle my son’s tantrums at age 4. She lives on Meanamommus the planet. She came down and would replace “Nice Mommy”. She only had to visit once. I felt terrible! It’s ok. We do our best.

[@junecarriesullivan1845]

I was “monster mom”

[@Ammut6]

Both of us use/d mean mommy/daddy a lot when our son would "act out". Aren't we all just actors in a way? Reminds me of the speech that Dr Gabor Mate gave on parenting with the topic of acting out. It's a great listen!

[@ashwiniRRiyer]

When I heard Carla when her kids were little I literally see myself so thank you for talking about it

[@junecarriesullivan1845]

This episode was lifesaving for me. I listened at a moment where “I’m a failure” was overwhelming my thoughts. I am in complete gratitude. Thank you.

[@orland0110]

This was a really great episode with Carla Naumburg. I always look forward to seeing this podcast Mayim! ❤

[@Semper_Iratus]

Good morning all and singular.

[@elizabethwonders]

Be the example you wish you had as a child! You are what you think you are! Thanks M and J for another great Informational video!

[@grandpaczki979]

I feel that I need to write my experiences down. So much has happened recently the family secrets were uncovered. Hoping my new (4th) therapist will stick. And I had avoided seeking new therapy because I didn't want to unpack alllll of it again and again. So yeah, a PowerPoint is hilarious and how I feel I needed to start over with a new therapist. It's so much. So many are going through the same battles and thank God we have you and your guests to show us we are not alone!

[@Mrs_Guac_and_Glock]

I relate to not wanting to unpack again...

[@juditcsefalvai2143]

This conversation came to my life exactly when I needed it…after a longer period of feeling like the worst human being because of the rage I felt in some situations with my child. Thank you so much for normalizing the human side of parenting ❤

[@erineileenj608]

I absolutely loved this guest, and parenting insight from Mayim and Jonathan also. I don't really discipline my kid in the sense of "punishment." We talk about the thing, and we work through it. I look forward to MBB every week!

[@jeanne8395]

I love this. I have been watching for years, and I saw mayim turn from that granola parent to the compassionate person she is and working on herself. And it's wonderful to meet her friend that she did the journey with

[@Maddienmk]

This is great. Even though i’m to young to have a kid LOL, and I don’t, I find it very helpful either way. Helpful in the way that it makes me feel more compassion for my parents and have more understanding , even if one of them didn’t do a great job…. And still isn’t really doing a great job right now… I can at least say.. she tried, and she had her triggers and trauma. Anyways I also find it helpful that I’m learning this now so when I do have kids, I have more insight.

[@leonidasreviews2912]

I didn't read either of these articles and I am commenting at timestamp 9:54. I breastfed my son until he was 6 and it was amazing. Sure it had some ups and downs but mostly ups. It was the best tool I had in my parenting tool box, nursing fixed almost everything for 4 years and then many things for the last 2 years. I was a working mom from 8 week-20 months and then became a SAHM for the rest of our breastfeeding relationship. It can be an amazing experience as Mayim's article seemed to have stated. Being part of La Leche League and becoming a Leader greatly contributed to the success we experienced.

[@leticiaperez243]

I really wish this way of thinking and self-love was around when I was working full-time with 3 kids and going through hell... I'm glad it's out now and that if my children decide to be parents one day that they will be kind to themselves

[@nicolemc8511]

And Carrla Naumburg thank you for talking about helping give them skills instead of disciplining all the time.

[@lorrainebober515]

I am a mom of three, 28, 24, 19. It's so important to apologize for our mistakes, this allows our kids to be okay with theirs. It's okay to show our limitations, this allows our children to see value in themselves when they aren't great at everything. Our job is to guide throughout their experiences and give them the opportunity to be truly them, whoever that may be. When we give kids that opportunity, compassion, and kindness, they will generally behave in a very cooperative way because they have been considered. We all make mistakes in life/parenting but with this concept those mistakes are needed for teaching kids through the human experience. Be kind to yourself, make amends and start fresh! Thankyou for the wisdom from this wonderful group of people! ❤

[@neoshadowdukeofgames8223]

I like how it was said that your issues are reflected greatly by your kids.

[@DaniElle-di4ho]

Mayim, I like to say I didn’t mess my kids up, because they are great people, but I did make their emotional lives harder. That’s the part that kills me, still working on self compassion there.

[@Dstone3314]

Yessss. Listened to the whole thing on way to work. This was much needed !

[@onebraveheartlion]

I know that at least for myself my brain definitely has learned new things during a traumatic crisis. It was vital for my survival. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Saying it can't is not accurate for everyone. Saying that we should have high expectations of our children is a bad toxic cycle to feed. I have to also do say that I'm not sure people should follow advice on how to not lose your shit by someone who admits that they still can't do it themselves because clearly it still needs something to change in her process. I hate say these things but it's important because I can see a lot of confusion by all of this for some. I love you all so much but had to say something on this.

[@nicolemc8511]

Thank you Johnathan. You are wise and your words help.

[@jennaa624]

another week with a great episode!

[@laceym314]

This is the episode that I needed more that anything. I resonate so much with both Carla and Mayim on your parenting journeys. Every single moment was relatable to my life, from being in a constant state worry that my child will die, to not having the proper resources on how to parent the child in front of me, to not understanding what "normal" people talk about because all I know is 'HALT' (and every other CBT/DBT acronym for handling inter/intrapersonal conflict) and being so in my own head and losing my shit time and time again that my child is afraid of me, to trying to understand what my child is actually saying while disregarding the tone that is being used and even looking at the negative behaviors they are exhibiting so I can understand what need they are unintentionally communicating. I'm still deep in the thick of it and have many miles to go to get through this jungle, but this podcast and especially this episode (which I thought - oh great another personal attack on my failures) was a great watch and I know I will come back to it again and again when I feel I am being a sh*tty parent.

[@scarlettway2173]

This is amazing and more parents need to hear this!

[@heathercarmona335]

This was SO GOOD!!! I am so thankful to have Mayim and Jonathan for having these amazing guests that connect me to resources I didn't know existed and definitely need. I'm really proud to be part of this new wave of parenting.

[@reef.damsels.0f365]

mayim's podcast is the only thing i look forward to every week 🫶

[@sharpitt9345]

Thank you Mayim and Carla. I just had the best, most relaxed conversation with my mother than i've ever had. I cant deal with her much because of the trauma she neglected to protect me from. But now, I am in control of my boundaries, my feelings are paramount. Thanks to Mayim, I'm the best and most happy I've ever been. Thank God for your real talk. life is real and requires laser focused understanding.

[@amyjustice9294]

This podcast spoke more to me then any of the other videos I have seen! Thank you Mayim for letting us know Mom guilt is normal and ok. I'm constantly dealing with guilt and asking myself if I'm there for my daughter when I need to be. And now I want to read Carla's book! Thanks for introducing her to the rest of the world.

[@lhmccool67]

This ep...💯🔥. It's what everyone needs! Thanks so much.❤

[@keramiktrine]

Thank you, so helpful.

[@patriciagallant8133]

Good podcast. I wish I heard all this stuff 30 years ago. My kids are grown now.

[@amandakerr1362]

This episode was great all around 👏

[@TheresaK71]

I haven't actually listened to the whole podcast yet, but just wanted to comment and say Mayim you look insanely beautiful in this video! Not a parent, but I find all your parenting focused episodes so helpful in my process of parenting my inner child.

[@squishysirenita]

This podcast cements my zero regret for not having children. My heart goes out to everyone who is a parent...especially teens. They're brutal!😖

[@kimrhodes9483]

Bought the book, followed Carla, and sent this to my kids raising kids. Thank you again!

[@MayimBialik]

🙌🙌🙌

[@matiaspereira9382]

@@MayimBialik you're an awesome actress! Keep your good job!

[@elishaminor2900]

Great show

[@b.garland1826]

I am a Gen Xer, but haven’t been honored to raise children. I found this episode to be full of insight to the human condition. Thank you!

[@matiaspereira9382]

It's really important to be honest. Lying sometimes can do more harm than good. Keep your good job! You're my favorite actress ever! I really miss you as Amy in Big Bang Theory! I really hope the future spin-off is about Amy when she was a girl or Leonard and Penny's child and their relationship with Sheldon and Amy! I really hope to see Jim Parsons, Johnny Galecki, Kaley Cuoco and Melissa Rauch in your podcast! I'm a huge fan of yours and the show!

[@The_Green_Queen]

Around 1:14:00 Carla talks about how we see our childrens’ behavior as feedback/reflection on ourselves. When we don’t get the “gold star,” in other words our children misbehave, we feel we have to work harder and we feel like shitty parents. GIRL. Imagine this for parents like me who have kids with autism or other severe behavioral issues that aren’t often “fixable” by typical parenting methods or fixable at all, full stop. We can experience CPTSD because we hit this brick wall daily for years and decades, and it’s not easy to give yourself the grace needed to forgive yourself and let yourself off the hook.

[@talkingcrow]

I think I need to start therapy again just to talk about this episode. I’m a half an hour in and it’s going to take awhile to process all the feels. I had undiagnosed PPD, and only VERY recently got meds to help with constant catastrophizing every bit of everything- and my kid is 16. Obviously I could go on and on. Thank you for what you do. Non stop moments of realization for this one. ❤

[@junecarriesullivan1845]

I am so with you. My kids are also teens and it is so hard to find good advice and help!! This episode was everything to me

[@tomlichnofsky.7048]

Another Fantastic Episode Mayim! 😊👍👌The Awesomeness Continues! 👍👌🍁♈🍁

[@thehomeschoolinglibrarian]

As a mom with a soon to be 4 year old I needed to hear this. My daughter has what is now a minor speech delay and she is currently making up for lost time and driving me crazy. She is also a preschooler so she is just driving me crazy in general and I need to work on not losing my temper with her and it doesn't help that she will not let her dad help with anything because apparently he is too hairy.

[@bbailey5120]

I don’t like what you said about your having kids being your stuff magnified by your children, but 100% because when you said it I realized that with some things going on under my roof, I am the problem. That’s hard. That hurt. And now I will approach it differently. Thank you.

[@deenee6789]

Omg I so relate with I don't wanna go down that road but I don't know which road is for me.

[@erikbihari3625]

Good and bad still exists!

[@danastonerock]

In what context though? If a parent is a drunk or drug addict, consistently ruining their life on the daily and neglecting / abusing their children, they need help . And yeah, it's awful, especially if they never show any kind of remorse. That's not a good person, and thry certainly are not fit to be a parent. But as she says, they would need major help, and Insights, and resources etc. Context in a situation is everything. There's do much more to " good" or "bad"

[@DjWellDressedMan]

TBBT: I am here to say Thank You to Mayim Bialik for making TBBT show even better! Back to Science.

[@Heather51502]

I'm looking forward to the high school version!😂 Like now, please.

[@mrs.e3909]

I agree that as parents we don't name feelings. We don't tell kids we are "having a moment" and talk to kids about how we will be OK after we have a time to process things and think for awhile. We need to teach kids in the moment that life is challenging but that we can make a plan or problem solve and get beyond the hard feelings. We can help them do the same with their feelings so that later in life they don't get trapped in thinking there is no way out, or a way to feel better.

[@nicolemc8511]

And then Mayim brings it home! Thank you Mayim.

[@HollyLiana]

Mine is so destroyed by both my mom rage and our circumstances. Either could have done the damage she is a mess from, but both will take her decades to work through. I'm still a sucky rage Mom, but am working through it as the 1st one to seek help in my family.

[@neetamathur1150]

This podcast made me feel seen.

[@ellaweinmann-4102]

I would just like to say it because of this podcast that I decided to go with someone close to me to therapy and alone. After that they realised some issues and asked their parents to also go to therapy. Now me I go to therapy, that person goes to therapy and their parents. Thank you so much 😊

[@MayimBialik]

LOVE this, Ella!!! 🧠🫶

[@angfao]

35:00 is so important

[@josepadilla-bx4jl]

I know many parents going through this

[@leticiaperez243]

Mayim you are not alone. I always feel attacked and I am ready to pounce. I cannot stand being yelled at and when I am criticized I feel like I need to defend myself. I physically feel like I am being attacked. Trying not to fix the feeling yea I don’t know how to do that.

[@SP_swashbuckling]

Hi Mayim(aka Amy), I want to ask you about something that I am struggling with. I can't keep my concentration on something for a long time and believe you me, I am trying hard to do that. But failing continuously. I feel you can help me with some guidence. Thanks and regards. BTW, huge fan of you and TBBT. Me and my best friend cried sitting together while the Noble aceptence speech of TBBT.

[@jenmurakami6269]

"That totally changed how I understood bedtime," Jonathan says. I say, sir that is self-compassion! When you allow yourself the space to make these realizations, that is self-compassion. You shifted your viewpoint on your son's bedtime needs. Did you show yourself grace or did you beat yourself up because you "should've" known better? Hypothetically, even if you started with negative self-talk and/or self blame or a case of the should's, ultimately, self-compassion was involved

[@Ammut6]

To those who have found this parenting podcast helpful, I would like to suggest checking out a popular name here on youtube, Dr. Gabor Mate. He speaks on parenting quite a lot and discusses childhood trauma and why kids act the way they do.

[@arashjahn]

The KZbin transcript is clunky, let alone always spells Mayim’s name wrong…is there any way to get the full transcript posted? This was a great podcast that interleaves IFS themes without actually naming them.

[@awscsa_pro1772]

bazinga ❤

[@alindsey1013]

💗

[@geewheeler04]

I am the same exact way Mayim is but I have Borderline personality disorder. I wonder if she has that also.

[@Rainbowofthefallen]

Just commenting for the algorithm 💚🤍

[@emila732]

Ok but what about parents that doesn't want improvement,that doesn't want to listen no matter what. Aren't they a little bit shitty? My mom is not perfect nighter I am but we can talk but with my dad , no matter what you tell ,no matter how you try to explain there is no response , is refusal ,is gaslighting etc and shifting a problem to me is not like you can't tell me anything is him the person that you can't tell anything. So what to do is it a right thing to distance my self ?

[@user-xz6bp9eq9p]

Yeah I think a lot of our parents would never even listen to this podcast because they’d reject any criticism of them. My mom was very manipulative and emotionally/verbally abusive. It destroyed my self esteem and I’ve had to work so hard to repair the damage she has done and I still haven’t completely healed. I have a daughter now and am terrified of repeating the same mistakes. I’ve tried my best to analyze everything I hated about my childhood as well and things I actually think my mother did right (which are far and few between.) and as mentioned in this video, I did also have to try to figure out how to replace those things I didn’t like because I had no healthy example to look at. I had to do research and talk to a lot of people to come up with healthy alternatives to my mother’s toxic parenting because I wanted to change. That is something my mother would never do and she still refuses to admit that she wasn’t a great mom and tries to convince my siblings and me that we were all the problem, she was perfect and we were just so crazy and ungrateful for not loving her “perfect” parenting. Parents are people and some people are shitty. I do understand how valuable the message is though because I know a lot of loving parents who are really just feeling pressure to be perfect and think they are shitty when they’re not. But, the shitty parents would never think they’re the problem or there’s something to correct. They’re not going to read a self help book. It’s worth trying to distance yourself if you can and see how your life improves. It sucks because you just want a good relationship with your parent but you’re not responsible for it. In my case, my life improves dramatically when I have limited to no contact with my mom. My health, mentally and physically, improves and so does everything else in my life. But, I still feel guilty for admitting my life is better without her.

[@emila732]

@@user-xz6bp9eq9p Thank you for your reply and for sharing your experience. I think you are amazing that you are trying to be better for your kids, you don't have to be perfect but your awareness will change everything for them, I am sure of it. I also think my mental health is getting much better away from my dad, is not like I completely stopped talking with him, I even think that he started to see something but it took him a lot of time and I don't think that if I will stick to him it could get better. The distance kind of helped a tiny bit. Probably depends from person to person. I know how you feel but please don't blame your self I think society projected that guilt on us

[@hey_daralon]

love the pod listen to it every week. one constructive comment. Myiam talks way to much on this episode. plz let the guest talk. we already have heard myiam s story honestly 100x over. let’s learn from the professional guest.

[@ksenia5199]

I’m pretty sure my dad who is in prison for molesting me was a shitty parent. I don’t think it was lack of knowledge or resources. It was lack of morals and self-control.