Meanwhile… Subway Is For Sale | Japan’s Monkey Mermaid Mummy | Pizza Delivery Squirrel Attack

[@racookster]

3:02 - The "Disoriented Owl" story reminded me of the time I locked my keys in my house. I called a locksmith. He broke a window and charged me $50 for that. What an expert!

[@blackbeltbap]

Are you sure you called a locksmith and not an amateur burglar because even a professional burglar would have lock picks.

[@blueridding]

I had a locksmith try to pull something like that one me once. I told him he was getting $0 unless he opened the lock without doing damage to anything. He left emptyhanded

[@mrsr003]

Wow! That’s crazy! You could have busted your own window out for free, saved 50.00. And

[@imnotmike]

I would have something meaningful to say, but after reading your comment, I'm off to start my new career as a locksmith.

[@mrsr003]

@@imnotmike lol

[@tubularap]

The most innocent things get blurred on CBS, but the nightmarish mermaid doll was allowed to sear itself in millions of memories.

[@floriangunzer6244]

I see it every time i blink. :(

[@Trikotomy]

Don't worry, it sees you too.

[@tanyawade5197]

😂😂👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@parsnipmcgee329]

There's a monkey mermaid at Ye Olde Curiosity Shop in Seattle. Also a flea circus. ( My favorite)

[@michaelhughes9278]

it reminds me of a more cheerful version of my ex-wife.

[@DizzyDior12]

Stephen was so delighted by the audience's "hoo" bit lol

[@hoosiergirl6344]

I've seen that squirrel video and he was waiting there for a good minute until that door opened. This felt REAL personal. Idk what that lady did but that squirrel was gonna have his revenge.

[@Tao_Tology]

'You may strike me down, but I shall return in my true form!'

[@hawkeye5955]

That squirrel was like Spiderman waiting up there in the corner. 😂

[@mightyone3737]

I always liked squirrels as a kid, then when I was on vacation in Florida (naturally) I had a squirrel jump right on my bare leg (shorts!), which obviously freaked me the hell out because they are FAST. We all laugh about Florida Man, but Florida Squirrel is the *real* menace

[@JazznRealHipHop]

😂

[@blazethefaith]

Could be that she was feeding them so they knew there might be peanuts or something like that inside the house. If she stopped feeding them and they got all the nuts from the yard, they might be hungry and went to the source.

[@generalZee]

This is not the first time Microsoft has "retired" Internet Explorer. They even held a funeral for it once before. At this point, Microsoft just has to send assassins to the houses of anyone still using it because they're clearly never going to stop.

[@jemiebridges3197]

It's cause government sites haven't moved to anything new yet. So you're forced to use it. Annoying if you're getting benefits.

[@jacquejac1840]

My job still uses explorer lol

[@InnerGiggles]

😂😂😂

[@noone453]

As someone who used to work in the tree industry, I cut them down. I have come across my share of; raccoons, squirrels, sugar gliders, and snakes. I have rescued all of the above and nursed baby squirrels and sugar gliders in my home and released them back into their natural habitat, my backyard. They're quite intelligent and affectionate.

[@sharigraves6385]

You are definitely a "someone" & I applaud your care + compassion 💙

[@davidanderson_surrey_bc]

I have never heard of sugar gliders. I had to look them up. They seem like mini versions of lemurs. I learned a new thing today. Thank you.

[@XopheAdethri]

Other than being a little sensitive, I hear a real ton about how much people LOVE their sugar gliders

[@egrace3738]

Pat yourself on the back, why don't you? 😐🙄

[@noone453]

@@egrace3738 I was simply explaining my background and what animals I have encountered within that background. I don't see why you felt the need to attack that but ok...

[@adamclark7981]

The owl joke got me… simple yet affective

[@burgermind802]

I expected the punchline, but the audience hooting was funny

[@whatifschrodingersboxwasacofin]

@@burgermind802 The hooting got me the most. And the acoustics - I immediately envisioned barn owls with human faces up in the studio rafters. I don’t know if studios have rafters. I might need more sleep. Or less. 😊

[@meleahnoelle]

it’s my school 😂

[@KittySnicker]

Owls practically belong in libraries. It’s like Harry Potter!

[@brianmouland209]

What comes out an owl’s bum smells better than COLPUKE

[@henrymccoy7171]

@@brianmouland209 -= Oohh, somebody'd *jealous...*

[@talltrini10]

@@brianmouland209 But yet, here you are

[@mutruxr]

From the intro all the way through the squirrel, this might have been my favorite Meanwhile ever!

[@victoriabaker4400]

It was very crisp.

[@Fifthelement203]

This was reallllly good 😂😂

[@vickybryan25]

I really liked the full vid on the pizza squirrel because the pizza guy had no idea what happened. The husband came back to the door and told him a squirrel ran in lol

[@charityquill4965]

It's so funny from pizza guys perspective. Lady just randomly screamed and slammed the door in his face lmao

[@shigeminotoge4514]

There's no way this video isn't fake though right? There can't actually be a single human being on the planet THAT scared of a squirrel. PLEASE tell me this is fake.

[@alonealien1474]

@@shigeminotoge4514 Just because you or I think no one can really be "that" scared of something doesn't mean it's true. One of my former roommates fell down a flight of stairs and cracked open her skull after she spotted a common house gecko on the stairs. Apparently she was deathly afraid of them and didn't know we had them here in North Texas.

[@demiflute]

As a professional flutist, hearing the start of this monologue was a real TREAT!!! 😂🎉🥰🙏🏽 Shout out to Trevor James!!

[@stannieholt8766]

And a shout-out to grenadilla wood!

[@johannaweichsel3602]

I feel bad that my parents got me one of his nicer models and I haven't played in a few years, better get back to it!

[@taracurry5816]

Well, there are probably a lot of owl fans in the audience since this weekend was Superb Owl Sunday.

[@posthocprior]

The owl in the library left when it realized it should have been saying “whom”.

[@TighelanderII]

Seth did a version of that on his show recently.

[@justinboyett8843]

"After years of arguing who..." It's a philosofowl!! 3:15

[@Wintermute01001]

You know a story will be good when Stephen starts with "Everyone is fine."

[@wtf1185]

The owl wants to know why he is considered to be so wise when he can't even find his way out of this strange place. And what is that strangely feathered creature doing with that *_HEY, watch out. You nearly hit me with that thing._*

[@shirleyrombough8173]

I didn't hear the story about the owl. Was it stuck inside a school? If so, that was how he learned the objective case? (sorry.)

[@chilltfout1006]

That squirrel was waiting... plotting 😂😆

[@con.troller4183]

The family dog clearly ordered the squirrel through... Door Dash!! I'd let myself out but there's a disoriented owl in the way.

[@Opus313]

"...spend your whole night being harassed by a disfigured incel." You can do that already in the KZbin comment section...

[@brianjennings7644]

they respond best to "Paste Eater".

[@davidb6576]

And I took that personally...

[@theluschmaster]

every bloody day 😅

[@tuckerbowen4626]

if you cannot have compassion for the ugly and unloved, then at least have pity

[@louiebee6745]

Can he sing Music Of The Night?🤔

[@A_A_K_123]

Dominoes guy must have seen some crazy stuff before; he was so chill.

[@jakeherter]

Yeah I once delivered a pizza to a home that was actively being raided by the police.

[@autumbreeze1129]

Didn't know The Court of Owls would be in that night's audience 😆

[@noobicorn_gamer]

Audiences chanting "WHOO WHOO" was really priceless XD Edit: added 3:10 timestamp for those who mistakenly thought I was talking about WWE ;)

[@earnestfrazier7470]

Isn't that a WWE thing?

[@derrickstorm6976]

@@earnestfrazier7470 did you even watching video, IT WAS AN OWL

[@NickRios]

I was there and we started the Whoo’s in the balcony, which is why he pointed up. It was hilarious!

[@catha.j.stuart2200]

Everybody loves Meanwhile! 💜💜💜

[@DARWINZOO]

I watch all of him but 40th anniversary hubby runs in when he hears..."meanwhile "

[@an882]

I hate the intro.

[@liamcollins4657]

@@an882 If only it was meanwhile.... Stephen's @n@l canal was wrapped around your thing. I want that "intro".

[@catha.j.stuart2200]

@@an882 Me too! I always skip it to get to the good bits ☺️

[@theluschmaster]

@@an882 lol why?

[@heersyal2454]

The Meanwhile report is habitually very good, but today's is actually quite brilliantly funny! Thanks for that, it made my whole week! 😆😂🤣

[@beatricet5682]

4:46 squirrel meets squeal. 🐿️😂🤣

[@treyarthurtv]

I still sometimes whisper “quarantine-while..” under my breath 🥹✋🏽

[@Sailor.Catracha]

Same!

[@dbaargosy4062]

God Taking the righteous And hearing quarentinewhile a weird comfort yeah...sad

[@rowynnecrowley1689]

The look on the pizza's guy''s face was like, "Huh. Didn't see that coming."

[@loporina]

That's no longer an ordinary Library, but The Library of Wong Shi Tong

[@amberzec]

I just watched that one again! avatar the last airbender

[@NewMessage]

That squirrel's just a thinker. In all those moves, where there's sausage.... there's nuts.

[@theluschmaster]

🫣

[@Max_Doubt]

😂

[@Styphon]

And a place to hide them

[@AnnoyingMoose]

Meanwhile I think that Mr. Colbert is the most romantic late night host ever! #turnontheheartlights

[@Rickuttto]

Loved the owl joke! I laughed so hard. I miss good, clean jokes. Simple, maybe stupid, but funny! And of course Colbert’s delivery of the joke helps too.

[@gp-vl3gk]

Whats pink and fluffy? - Pink Fluff.

[@meleahnoelle]

that’s my school!

[@gp-vl3gk]

@@meleahnoelle Whats brown and sticky? - "A Stick."

[@merlapittman5034]

Fabulous! I love Meanwhile! 😂😂😂

[@DishonestTrack6]

what do you call a magical owl? Hoodini!

[@theluschmaster]

hoot-hoot!

[@nik-ev3eh]

Bazinga

[@katthefantastic]

Ba boom ching 😆

[@jpdemer5]

There remains the disturbing question of who created the monkey mermaid mummy doll . . . and why.

[@kassfowler7745]

That’s what the owl in the library was trying to figure out

[@desi1790]

Wonder if its the same one from Barnum And Baily circus

[@tammymiller9773]

Obviously the owl thought it was at Hogwarts. Meanwhile, I used to study on the mezzanine of my grad dept., being highly entertained the while by watching pigeonmom show her kids how to attack the rubber snakes the Ag. Dept. at my ag school put out to scare the pigeons away from nesting on the ledge🫠

[@r.1599]

I like the punchline about the squirrel now asking "what?". Someone else with a late night show said that instead of asking "who?", it's now asking, "whom?"

[@rosemdhar4767]

That was Seth Meyers... Guess the joke was a part of the 'Popsicle' bit in the show

[@r.1599]

@@rosemdhar4767 Full points! It wasn't part of the "schtick", though...I think it was either part of 'A Closer Look', or a monologue.

[@rosemdhar4767]

@@r.1599 Yup you're right 👍 It was part of a Monologue... Just watched it again in the weekly Monologue compilation... (kzbin.info/www/bejne/h5OYaYOcr9Skgc0) ( it was a part of Monday's Monologue)

[@leavingitblank9363]

You mean the owl? Anyway, "whom" isn't correct grammar.

[@r.1599]

@@leavingitblank9363 Owl: Yes. "Whom": Depends on where it is in the sentence. Correct grammar: Since when does comedy care about correct grammar? Except when you can use it make a joke, of course.😉

[@mikevanderman2727]

Owl is my favorite bird, strangely I don't know why, I really love owls... love the "years of asking 'who'"? joke jajajjajajaja

[@bluetexasvik86]

Louis Cato is not sure if Jim Gaffigan is America's sweetheart 😂 that look when the camera moved to him was priceless

[@ghgoogle5238]

The 'Chips & a Drink' joke landed so well as not much before that was reality. Relatable topic is the way to go. MEANWHILE!

[@Fey_Fatale]

My thumbs up on this video is for the hooting audience members. Well done!

[@ImpudentInfidel]

The confused bemusement when people laugh at his jokes is always great.

[@kchara7078]

Smothers Brothers' song, " I fell in a vat of chocolate, I fell in a vat of chocolate..... What'd you do when you fell into the chocolate? Lolly do dum, lolly do dum day!" Thanks, guys!!!!! 🤪😽👍

[@gmarie3]

Just added a similar comment before I saw yours! :)

[@thurayya8905]

The squirrel was definitely lying in wait. That was some leap; was it a flying squirrel?

[@kilgoringtroutless6295]

"Subway" motto 'There is no food in our food'.

[@luannnelson2825]

Omg, as the mother of a very fine flute player, I got an enormous kick out of your Meanwhile intro!

[@straightarrow3122]

I say keep the owl. In ancient Greek myth owls were symbols of Athena

[@vampirelogan]

Wow, missed opportunity for a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory or Ooompa Loompa joke with that Mars Wrigley story. Something like "Oompa Loompa dippity dined, guard rails are required or you will be fined!"

[@Earthneedsado-over177]

Too obvious, too easy.

[@jayfeather965]

STEPHEN IS BACK BABY!

[@krisfrederick5001]

How did this not make it to Monkey Mysteries? 🐒👀

[@catrionaflute]

Gotta love those Trevor James Flutes!! ❤

[@Echo81Rumple83]

instead of yelling "SQUIRREL!" when distracted in the middle of a sentence, it's "SQUIRREL!!!" when they're attacking people. and that devilry guy's reflex was pretty go, i might add.

[@danjohnston9037]

Owls Are Our Friends Every Library Needs An Owl

[@jcoopes5604]

That wise ol owl!

[@spoonfuloftactic]

Louis Cato is so much better than the previous guy.

[@AhavaMath]

Maybe the owl is Wan Shi Tong, He Who Knows Ten Thousand Things. :D

[@saulwiner2999]

We just gotta remember to not misuse his knowledge this time...

[@Max_Doubt]

Step one: wait til nightfall. Step two: From outside, shine a light on an open door. Goodbye owl.

[@susanfarley1332]

That owls hoot actually has a hoot that is described as " Who cooks for you". I got a lot of them around my house. I tried hooting back at one and the response I got sounded like a evil demented highly pissed owl that sounded like he was laughing and hooting at the same time. Startled me so bad I went inside and closed my door. I thought I might have aggravated it.

[@nancyaustin9516]

Probably good you went back inside--the owl likely thought you were flirting.

[@tsarfox3462]

Hey baby is that a squirrel in your pocket or are you just happy to-OH GOD IT'S A LIVE SQUIRREL!

[@mason96575]

It's clips like that that make me miss being a pizza boy, lol. Fun times, fun times

[@mason96575]

@@jessydollemore0 no

[@nugboy420]

Holy fuck. That squirrel must have staked that house out like that for a bit. Maybe the chick wasn’t even expecting the pizza as he called it..

[@nancykraus5127]

Stephen can now add Professional Frisbee Recovery to his resume. 😂

[@lordcaptain73]

Is that why he kept pointing up and asking someone to help?

[@KitoBallard]

The "who'ing" was hilarious

[@annen3706]

That was a photo of a barred owl, whose call is often transcribed as "who cooks for you? Who cooks for yooou?" This one was obviously in the library researching recipes. 😂

[@petedog9581]

Word on the street is that the chocolate victims were the grandchildren of Augustus Gloop.

[@sophierobinson2738]

Ha! Tommy Smothers’s song “I Fell In a Vat of Chocolate” comes to life! Did they yell “Fire!” to be rescued?

[@mgicdncer]

Screaming cures everything.

[@SamPeabody]

That owl asks “who cooks for you” so my guess is it was looking for cookbooks.

[@SARGENTO007A]

Hahaha...the audience reaction was hillarious!!!

[@mathgodpiextras]

3:25 It's a New Day, yes it is!

[@clarafedde8674]

I wish the owl joke was: how....as in how many licks to the center of Tootsie Pop? Two candy jokes for the price of nostalgia...

[@louiebee6745]

That commercial is over 50 years old...and it's STILL showing on TV!!🍭

[@livinginvancouverbc2247]

Me, walking in with a pizza "Did you order the large salami?" My ex, without missing a beat, "You call that a 'large'?"

[@esmeevergreen6821]

this was one of the best openings 😂

[@sheilalopez3983]

The squirrel comes free.

[@mistermaestersirthomas9164]

“Hey Rocky, watch me pull a….”

[@greggybada]

GREENDALE SHOULD BUY SUBWAY IMMEDIATELY.....

[@theluschmaster]

and burn it to the ground!

[@sophistichistory4645]

The Smothers Brothers were ahead of their time. "I fell in a vat of chocolate. I fell in a vat of chocolate. What did you do when you fell into the chocolate?? La-li-do-dum-la-li-do-dum-ay. "I yelled Fire!! when I fell into the chocolate. I yelled Fire!! when I fell into the chocolate. Why did you yell Fire!! when you fell into the chocolate?? La-li-do-dum-la-li-do-dum-ay. I yelled Fire!! because no one would come if I yelled CHOCOLATE!!!!"

[@ericminch]

So...who came?

[@TighelanderII]

I also thought of that song.

[@GalactusOG]

That Faulkner!

[@tarynjones9780]

what cracks me up about the squirrel attack...put yourself in that poor pizza delivery man's shoes. he walks up to the door, rings the bell, the woman opens the door, he starts to get the pizza and she starts screaming! poor guy! im sure he must have been wondering about his life choices after that! lol

[@bradleybruvva3021]

I love the audience going “Who!”

[@BackgroundNPC75557]

"Where's Eddie? He usually eats these things."

[@lynnhettrick7588]

3:30 LOL, too funny!

[@whatifschrodingersboxwasacofin]

Why oh why oh why do I try to drink coffee while watching Stephen?? Ewwwww 🥲

[@somosgenel]

0:03 Wait a minute Colbert hangs out with a cat named Louis KATO.. That is it, colbert is the ORIGINAL GREEN HORNET..

[@zombieowen]

No one chides the audience for laughing at their jokes more than Colbert. Twice in this segment alone.

[@richmorpurgo5554]

I like this one!

[@jglamas]

The squirrel brought the nuts

[@dennisgreene5055]

the Smothers Brothers had a skit about that very thing "He yelled FIRE when he fell into the chocolate"

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

But did the chocolate company start a musical score when the workers fell into the vat?

[@Invaderbob7]

Not surprised he didn't show the rest of the video where the husband says "oh the squirrel again?"

[@crowleylan]

this is the clean energy of the future….yes

[@napoleonibonaparte7198]

Man, Stephen is going to need a big broom to shoo all those owls away.

[@phthisis]

1:55 Out of context, this makes sense. Then you take into account that this is "chocolate" made at a Mars factory... I'd rather fall into the Ala Wai Canal and risk getting flesh-eating bacteria.

[@laurie113]

Why shut down the library? The owl was just fine.

[@powdiddyful]

That Intro was Bravo

[@user-tt5xj5ib1e]

I will release my squirrel army ..... When? With each new dominos pizza delivery ...... 🤔🍕🐿🤣

[@johnhawk1089]

Internet Explorer plans to spend more time with its family.

[@angeladawn805]

Nothing like having a lunch-break at work whilst watching Meanwhile...... unless of course there's a Mermonkey.... in which case, I'm not hungry anymore 🐵🧜

[@Blasted2Oblivion]

I dunno, I bet mermoneky meat is pretty good.

[@janestarr4403]

Don't you know that the monkey mermaid was a P. T. Barnum freak exhibit?

[@Ravencall]

There was one at the Ripley's museum at the old Baths in SF. It was my favorite creepy thing when I was little.

[@opaladwyl]

Hi Joe!! Rock on!!

[@lindaward3156]

no Stephen, it makes you a professional bushwhacker

[@barbarawoodward6794]

The Smothers Brothers sang “I fell into a vat of chocolate.”

[@Diecastclassicist]

Superb owl joke!