my real and raw postpartum recovery story (recovering from birth during a pandemic *is not the one*)

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

❤️ not as positive as my last video (the labour etc!) but if even a handful of women go into postpartum more mentally prepared (or if some viewers feel more ‘seen’ after this) then it was worth making! xxx

[@jacquelinecuevas7749]

You're a super strong woman, we love you meeel💕 I missed your videos:(

[@katyovens4592]

Thank you for sharing your story! Nothing can fully prepare you for those kinds of overwhelming bodily and emotional experiences and it’s so courageous for you to speak about it publicly like this 💚

[@Kam-my2wk]

Hi Melanie! My oldest is 10 now and I was 20 years old when I had her. The way you describe your postpartum recovery (minus the terrible COVID restrictions) is so similar to my experience. My second daughter is turning 7 and in my experience, post partum recovery was much easier the second time around. Enjoy your sweet boy, it goes by too quickly! Congratulations ❤️

[@sharroon7574]

I can't help thinking the doctor screwed you over and was too forceful.

[@niaahful]

I wanted to hug you so bad when you started crying....wishing you a good recovery 🙏❣

[@lenani9143]

I don't have children but the idea of women being left completely alone and helpless after giving birth just made me cry. You are so right, that is completely inhuman

[@lucymoon]

You’re a bloody superwoman

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

*swishes cape* 😏 (no but really you wouldn’t have thought so if you saw the absolute state of me 😂)

[@audioliciousxxx]

@@melaniemurphyofficial But you got through/are getting through it.. so you swish that cape woman!! ;)

[@MK-it5fe]

As a nurse this really hurts my heart to hear that you were left alone with your tray of food and snacks out of your reach. I get that everyone is busy but if I was your nurse I would have gladly stayed in your room with you to hold/tend to your baby and made sure you had something to eat. In my experience, I never underestimate what kindness can do- sometimes holding someone's hand or just sitting there for a few minutes of company can make the world of a difference to someone.

[@ggandbb1702]

I think the problem in irish hospital which is hard is that the midwives are overworked and very busy and often dont have the time they'd like to help x very much understaffed and underpaid x

[@Fawnandluis]

Yeah they’re just not like that in maternity hospitals here in Ireland I’ve seen and heard too much about it, is disgraceful. I’m going to be going in to have my first in January 2021 and at least I’ve a fair idea of what to expect, and unfortunately, i don’t feel good about it nor am I looking forward to it. Even the antenatal visits so far have been terrible. that’s lovely Holles Street for you!

[@sristisingh9648]

Same situation is in London also. My friend got shouted by a nurse after few hours of her c-sec and was alone as during pandemic husbands weren't allowed to stay and they were discharging everyone within 24?hrs

[@Fawnandluis]

@@sristisingh9648 that is just terrible! The poor girl my god!!

[@brilliantbutblue]

Im a Nurse as well and this broke my damn heart hearing her story. Are we really that busy what are we there for if not to care for our patients. The whole thing was horrendous. X

[@katyfolk3433]

I think it should be mantatory for new mothers to have a labour debrief, a proper therapy session almost, no matter the type of birth they had. I still think about my first birth, even three years later. I think this video will be very useful to a lot of woman. Post partum is like a club that you join and want to talk to everyone about but don't because you feel like woman should find out themselves and you don't want to scare them.

[@lauren8627]

YES, considering the amount of PTSD that happens it's a major failure of the system.

[@silverkitty2503]

mandatory NO ....optional....not every woman would enjoy that but they should have the option.

[@bmary8928]

I agree with person above. Definitely not mandatory. Personally I would hate to have to attend something like that. There’s usually more than enough things you’re expected and pressured to do and attend after having a baby - I would hate another one. But offered for those who feel they want and need it to take it up, totally!

[@katyfolk3433]

Yes, actually I agree with that, giving woman a choice is much better. I still think that the.system is very flawed.

[@teodoraroksa7492]

100% Giving birth is traumatic even if everything goes smoothly. I talked to my psychiatrist and she said I'll probably need around 4 months to get over the trauma, and not just me, but any woman, really. I am so mad at mothers who blatantly lie about feeling at peace and pain free right after they see their baby's face. Yes, the moment is magical, but it's just as frightening.

[@robertmenzies3032]

{Message to Thomas} if after the birth you broke down in tears and felt this was very traumatic for you too. Your not the only one... I sobbed like a baby for about an hour, 3 days after the birth. No doubt Melanie’s experiance was worse then yours but seeing your loved one go through that is really not easy. So well done you....

[@ggandbb1702]

So true. Men can have ptsd from seeimg their ladies going through hard births and not many people know about it x Thanks for commenting that. It can really help others :)

[@something1529]

Probably because people should stop having them?

[@baileysmith971]

@@something1529 having babies?

[@ifyouseenatalieE]

I'd love to hear Thomas' perspective on the lack of contact following delivery. Seen a lot from mums but not a lot from their birth partners

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

He found it extremely difficult 😣💔

[@constructingadditionalpylo8597]

My grandma told me the story that when she gave birth to my dad they took him away and put him in the baby ward on another floor, but a nurse came in and told her she needed to feed him, but gave no help, so she had to walk up several flights of stairs having just given birth, across the hospital to go and feed him. Nobody helped her. I can't even bear to think about it, it makes me enraged and sad like you wouldn't believe. What new mothers go through - even within hospitals, is atrocious. You are so strong and powerful Mel ❤

[@kaylaschregardus4062]

That time period of birth was inhumane. The "twilight zone" era. WHen they gave you meds that put you to slep, you would wake up and have a baby. WOmen would lay in bed strapped to the bed cause the meds at that time made this crazy, it was before epidural was discovered. Women would lay in there poop and pee too for day days, abandoned

[@wibbley_wobbly3580]

Literally the same experience my mom had with me, sounds horrible

[@isabella7921]

I'm so sorry this sounds BEYOND traumatising....

[@paulasuarez5960]

Isabella there is even an instinct of supressing this memory in moms, which is crazy

[@princesscharlott1983]

@@paulasuarez5960 absolutely true! Most is forgotten with passage of time and the tiredness! It is apparently the oxytocin hormone that rides us through these highs and numbs their memory x

[@aislingcallaghan]

I think that this may be one of the most important videos you've ever made. I'm a medical student who will be starting my obs/gynae placement soon in a maternity hospital. Hearing the real and raw experiences of women and what they go through while in hospital is so invaluable to me. I'm sorry that you didn't have the best experiences with some staff but happy you did with others. Hopefully I can be a friend and a helper to someone who is going through a tough situation and can't have family around them. Women are incredible ❤️

[@fivebyfivewhat]

I’m only ten minutes in and this sounds absolutely INSANE. I cannot believe this has been happening in modern day Ireland, rather than 50 years ago. Please book yourself a meet the Midwife appointment (which is definitely a thing on the NHS, not sure about Ireland). To be honest I think there needs to be a full inquiry about post partum care during this pandemic.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I genuinely feel bad for the hospitals as they are just going with the guidelines but I could tell that individual staff members thought it was awfully unfair on the mothers because it doesn’t make any kind of sense - if a father has a mask on, socially distances from others and is already coming into the hospital daily then why can’t he just stay to help out!? When he comes in if he has the virus he’ll have given it to me anyway then I’m there all day...like fair enough with certain restrictions but this one I just cannot get behind I know that two of my followers found out they lost their babies at scans ALONE as fathers couldn’t join them and they don’t think they will ever get over that trauma, both of them 💔

[@rashmikarkada4460]

@Ham Sammich I just want to say I have been to public hospitals for surgery before the lockdown and a check up after the lockdown and the doctors and nurses where truly amazing. Some people have good experiences and some bad but that depends on the individual people I dont think its fair to say public hospitals are bad. Even though covid has such a high survival rate we still don't know the long term impacts of the virus. Many people are getting scarred lungs or shortness or breath even after they contracted the virus plus many of us have elderly parents or know people who are susceptible to getting the worst of the virus. Don't get me wrong I hate the lockdown too and the government have gotten so many things wrong especially with this new lockdown but the cases are going down, better treatment and a safe vaccine vaccine is coming soon we just need to work together to keep each other safe.

[@midnightcoalexpress]

@Ham Sammich Coming from someone that has been working firsthand in the US hospitals and have seen what this virus can do, it’s not a “trumped” up flu virus. It’s much worse than flu. And the precautions we are taking are very much valid and needed. Now I don’t agree with what Ireland is doing having the fathers leave, that is just fucking stupid and putting the baby at a way higher risk so not sure why they are doing it that way. And I’m glad the US isn’t doing that. But again the precautions that are being taken are very much necessary, and put in place for a reason

[@cami_le]

@Ham Sammich Great to know that you are glad about your healthcare but little reminder that the USA is the only developed country with rising maternal mortality...and that's from ranking below Russia

[@May04bwu]

@Ham Sammich Don't do this, please. Don't oversimplify the situation our whole world has found itself in. If you knew what we're really dealing with, you'd be talking differently.

[@midorishiwa]

"I felt on death's door": you had a massive post-partum hemorrhage, you literally could have died delivering your son. With modern medicine, post-partum hemorrhage is the main cause of maternal death. And then being on your own after such a traumatic experience makes it just even more traumatic. But I think you really need to process all of this with a therapist because you could get PTSD from this, you were on death's door, it wasn't just in your head, your body WAS stretched to its very limits.

[@lynny2107]

So thankfull tor the care in Holland, we get a postpartum nurse at home for a few hours a day for 10 days. It was so helpfull she made us food, checked the baby and me, cleaned the house. Every morning when Norah slept, I showered, she looked after her and changed the bed. That feeling, every morning, showered, sliding in a fresh bed, heaven. So thankfull of that and so important. We have Family and friends who helped as well, but not everyone does.

[@aliceunger6004]

I gave birth to my first baby in June in Dublin. I was induced and laboured on the ward on my own crying behind a curtain for 36 hours.. boyfriend allowed in for the pushing and had to leave an hour after. Was on my own with the baby on a ward with no visitors allowed including partners at any time (I think it was stricter then).. I'm crying watching your video as I feel every emotion you are feeling. The midwives are amazing but they are just too stretched and busy you need your person with you. The exhaustion is indescribable when you go to the ward and then you're left to look after this little baby and try breast feed etc again all on your own. Thank you Melanie for highlighting what women actually go through and have gone through especially this year giving birth. Xxx

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh my God! Xxxxxxxxx

[@marialouise8380]

I gave birth during covid too, being a first time mum and not having anyone there to support you is just not okay. Physically the post partum experience for me wasn't anywhere near as awful as it sounds like yours was. My baby was vomiting up green liquid and had to be taken away from me to be monitored for a potiential twisted bowel which can be fatal. Thankfully she did not have this and nothing was wrong, she is now a healthy 7 month old bubba. But during the first 24 hours, the nurses took her from me, did not explain the extent of what they were looking for, sent her to the special care nursery where I had to visit her and could not stay with her overnight. She kept vomiting green liquid so they then told me that she had to be sent to a different hospital to do further testing and that I couldn't go with her. No one was with me at this point and I wasnt given a choice, they told me I could go with her and at then changed there mind because it would have been "too much paperwork" they told me this as the workers were there to transport her to the other hospital. I had to watch her being rolled away on an adult ambulance stretcher, not even one day post partum. It was like my heart was being ripped out of my chest as I watched my little baby being taken away, my baby that I had grown and loved for 9 months. I didn't sleep for three days, I was constantly crying, shaking and exhausted. When she was taken from me I burst into tears and the nursing staff didn't know what to do because nothing was physically wrong with me, what I needed was love and care and support which they couldnt give me... When she was at the different hospital they gave her antibiotics that I didn't consent to and were pushing me to give her formula which I declined. They finally brought her back and told me she was fine. But I wasn't. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep, I felt so isolated and absolutely distraught. I was constantly being probed and pushed around by the staff at the hospital. And then when she finally came back to me, we had such trouble breastfeeding because she had been away from me for over 24 hours. So again the nurses were pulling at my boobs, pushing baby onto me to try and get her to feed. She was stressed and so was I, I had my ex partner telling me to be calm for him whilst I was crying trying to breastfeed my baby. What we women have to endure is incredible. You were right when you said it's as if we were wild animals in a cage being stared at. Having to tell the midwives to stop pushing my baby onto the boob when she was clearly screaming and not hungry, having to be alone as I watched my child being taken away from me, without being given a choice in the matter, having be told to stay calm because other people can't handle the stress that I was under. Having to be exhausted yet care for someone who is completely helpless whilst feeling absolutely helpless yourself. My baby is 7 months old now and it's been a journey to heal from the trauma of the postpartum experience. I am happy to say that she is healthy and I persevered with breastfeeding through grazed nipples and mastitis. I feel so grateful to be a mother and to have gone through what felt like an absolute nightmare and come out the other side stronger then ever. Here's to us women. We are so strong.

[@myview6852]

I can not even imagine how hard it is to have a new baby and not have your loved ones around you! On top of that to have a difficult birth, and be alone for most of the day!!! I know COVID-19 is serious, but those who will be home with you and the baby anyways, should be allowed to be with you. Talk about it as many times as you need to and in between, concentrate on the miracle of your firstborn. Under the best of circumstances, giving birth and the postpartum period is not an easy thing to go through. Give yourself grace and the time to go through it. Remember you are entitled to work through the stress anyway that works for you.

[@bemydinosaur13]

Your hospital doesn’t sound the best! You spoke so kindly about them but as someone who has worked in healthcare we would NEVER let a patient go downstairs without someone helping them. It sometimes would have to wait an hour or so but we would be in HUGE trouble if a patient was laying on bloody sheets for any prolonged period of time. Someone with an inpatient stay of 4 days would have been offered 2 staff members to help shower them every day, twice a day. And if the patient was refusing they’d give you dry shampoo and help with using some bath wipes in bed

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I think the Covid situation has the staff so stretched as no patient has visitors to help as they usually would 😭 Also there seems to be less staff working than is necessary & it just means so many are having such bad experiences right now...even though Covid is causing far less damage than was expected/than what other illnesses are causing! Xxx

[@bemydinosaur13]

@@melaniemurphyofficial makes sense! So sorry to hear it was such an unpleasant experience for you, I’m glad you and your son are doing well now!

[@jasminekandil1580]

@Cagalli Atha and I guess everyone on the internet can say what they want? Eh? I get your point but she’s just had a baby so why can’t you be kind about it. There’s a way of saying things so that they don’t sound mean 🤦‍♀️ We need more kindness in the world right now!

[@jasminekandil1580]

@Cagalli Atha I’m not looking for an argument on KZbin comments. I am also working on the front line during this pandemic and completely understand where you are coming from and why you feel the way you do. I just think there is a more positive and kind way to put across your point. She is only human who makes mistakes. I have been following her for years too but can’t say I’ve seen her downplay the virus however I don’t manage to watch every video.

[@maarneen2183]

@Cagalli Atha So? she obviously needs to say it. Perfectly understandable. People need to grieve due to covid deaths but also after having lost their job, losing their house and having a horrible experience in hospital. The father of her child was not fucking allowed to support his wife and look after their child. Well over a million of people have severely suffered under covid restrictions. All proportions are lost. My once liberal country (NL) is starting to seem like a dictatorship. People get visits from police for politely opposing governement policy. Luckily a curfew didn't make the vote.

[@victoriamather2267]

Holy s**t Melanie, this has terrified me. But seeing you and Thomas so happy with your son at the end made me happy too ❤️

[@teapot6219]

No one ever talks about any of this, women's bodies go through so much. Thanks so much for sharing, this was really informative. You look great btw.

[@fireandsugar2625]

It's stuff like this that makes me so mad when people say women are the weaker sex. Like our bodies are so amazing that they can create life and tear apart and somehow survive and keep thriving. Women genuinely are the strongest people on the planet and its clearly not respected or appreciated enough what women go through. I'm just so in awe of how you went through that and have managed to come back from it :-o just wow 💖

[@ligeialovelace]

Also, even women who don't give birth have to deal with a lot that most men don't - periods, having IUDs shoved into our uteruses, a higher proportion of depression/anxiety and autoimmune diseases, chronic pain, sexual assault, the list goes on...

[@Alex-xk5dq]

It's fucking inhumane not to let your partner help you with everything. Maternity care should be prioritized in the midst of all of the covid restrictions. I'm so angry I'm literally fuming. I don't even want kids. So proud of you Melanie

[@DynamicWhispers]

"Don't try to be a superhero" is one of my main take aways. There are so many times there's pressure to do things on your own but we are allowed to accept love & support without guilt (especially when literally healing). ❤

[@robertmenzies3032]

Melanie. I am so glad that you have made this video. When my daughter was born the experiance you describe (except for the Covid bit) is nearly identical and it’s horrific. Seriously horrific and nobody talks about it as it’s seen as overly negative when everybody is supposed to be saying the entire experiance is a fantastic and amazing. But the truth is it’s not! It’s unbelievable exhaustion, your body feels not your own, the blood loss is just debilitating. It’s not ok. So let me just say your a rock, your amazing, your body is unbelievable and Thomas will be going no where, trust me Thomas will be thinking the same as I did which is how the hell did you just do that... your superwoman.

[@christinastroup5630]

Thank you so much for sharing something so raw and vunerable. Our society seems to look down upon women and transmen sharing their experiences while pregnant and afterwards. Like we are supposed to not share if we have a bad pregnancy or severe postpartum. We need to normalize this and let everyone know its ok to not be ok, we all have different experiences good and bad. Sending heaps of love and support!! And sending lots of love to everyone going through something! So glad you are doing better now Melanie, I can't imagine how scary and alone you must have felt and glad that you and ur little man are home now.

[@PaperMidnight]

It absolutely breaks my heart that new mums cant have anyone with them but with experience working on a ward right now, I can tell you the majority of Covid cases have happened because of visitors coming into the ward. I really hope and pray things get better so that new mums arnt alone at such a scary time. Also, I think someone else has commented this but dont be afraid of pressing the bell as much as you want! We are here to help! And grab the attention of HCAs and student nurses - we have so much time to chat and help you eat your snacks or comfort you when its really tough and you just need a good old natter!

[@ggandbb1702]

Thank you for saying that jennifer makes me want to cry (in a relieving way) with the memory of me after all this trauma with my first baby, my husband only got to stay an hour as it was so late (mind you he got to sleep after a looong labour) but i was so anxious to ring the bell. My baby started crying every 30 mins all night and i was too anxious to ring the bell. I needed someone every time. I found myself wishing that the midwives would hear my baby crying and see i was struggling and come in .. i was so afraid ofbothering him. She cried all night and i worried that the other mums were losing sleep because of my baby..she wasntgetting a good latch all night. i was very weak and almost fainted in the hall at one point during the night. I thibk every midwife should tell mothers that they have free reign of calling the bell whenever they like in advance and make sure the mothers know. I wouldhavegiven anything if anyone had told me thatand reassured me. This was 5years ago and iknow somuch has changed with babys not being put into the bed beside mothers but the best thing the midwife did for me that night wasputting mybaby beside me and putting up the bed guards so i could easily access her to feed her as regularly as she needed. It made an already hard situation a bit easier for me. I had no clue as it was my first baby. Ironically when i had my 2nd baby he was the quitest one in the room and fed every 3 hours and barely cried.. Really shows how different each baby can be x

[@iamcosima]

I'm in tears! This sounds just like my birthing experience, which was really traumatic. And even though I'm almost 6weeks postpartum, I still feel like I have a long way to go before I fully recover physically and mentally from that. Thank you for sharing your story Melanie 🤗❤️

[@laura__5544]

This story is so upsetting. I'm not a mom, I haven't given birth, but it really seems like it should not have to be like this. So sorry you went through such a hard time!

[@nii_yuhh]

Dearest Mel, I am thrilled that you are taking up the initiative to make videos on such candid subjects. It's refreshing and feels human. Now, I might be just another 19 year old who is never having babies, but your vulnerability and warmth seeps through to me and it's just feels good watching you guys. So, Keep going. You're absolutely beautiful inside and out, and I love you❤️

[@KearaGraves]

you're a legit queeeeeen!!!! and so are every single one of our mothers wowww❤️❤️❤️ love you melanie. xxx

[@saraannemarieroet]

My mum was left with me and my twin in her arms and the nurse forgot about her for hours. She couldn’t move or click a button because she had a baby in each arm. She was screaming out for help, worried she would drop us from fatigue, and no one heard her for hours. It’s so awful how traumatic the experience can be for mothers

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I teared up reading this 😭😭😭

[@Teacupgirly]

I had the same experience just about two years ago. I had an unplanned csection so I couldn’t move. My husband fell while I was sitting away from the call button, while holding my baby. I don’t remember if I was falling asleep or if the baby was crying, but I urgently needed help and I was screaming and crying and so terrified. Took a while for the nurse to hear me 😢 I’m now pregnant with my second and I have a ton of trauma to work through, really nervous about my upcoming labor, delivery and hospital stay

[@floren_ce]

I can't imagine how distressing having to wait for someone to pick up your baby for you must have been... Thank you for talking about that, because before, when I read about the petitions to have more visitations from birth partners I had no idea of how limited your movements could be after birth and I thought having your partner was sort of for emotional support mostly? I just didn't think about postpartum at all for some reason, but it obviously is a big deal ! Thank you for sharing your experience and congrats again on baby Pan ☺️

[@rachelgregory672]

Post partum is sooooo intense. The hormones, the lack of sleep, the pain, it’s the hardest part. Thankfully it does get better!

[@hopelesslynerdy]

Not pregnant nor do I ever plan to be, but thank you thank you thank you for opening yourself up and being so vulnerable about this extremely tough topic! (Ditto for your entire channel). This sort of thing is not talked about nearly enough, so many people just want to talk about the lovely parts of having a newborn! I feel like the only "downside" that ever gets mentioned is sleep deprivation, which is real but far from the only struggle! I just want you to know that the work you're doing is much appreciated, let's break all the stigmas!!!

[@carolinecarruthers7415]

I'm sorry for the rough things you've been through postpartum, but for some reason the way you spoke about how your only concern was your son-- keeping your eyes on him at all times in the hospital absolutely warmed my heart. Obviously I'm not happy you were so uncomfortable and scared, but your tone of voice and how dedicated you were to your son just radiated with the depth and warmth of someone who is just so brilliantly suited to motherhood. Thank you for being so open and sharing this with us all-- I hope you and your family are well and safe.

[@iriamonge1704]

the most honest talk of what is like after having a baby, the messy stuff in our minds and how we could feel.

[@vulvarine1735]

i agree women should be better informed about what can happen during and after birth, it can be very traumatising doctors touching you without permission and feeling so vulnerable and dependent. apart from that pre prepared to have tears and injuries when your baby is big and a c section was considered.

[@StephanieTips]

when the baby is big they should have promoted a water birth which would have protected her against tearing instead of making her push on her back for hours, which is extremely counterproductive

[@christinamurra7204]

agreed 100%

[@ellamould3653]

Aw gosh bless Thomas he seems like SUCH a decent man I’m glad you at least had him when you went home 🙏🏼

[@katielouise210]

Gosh this was a lot to watch Melanie, I can't imagine how it felt to experience it. I can't even begin to think about what it was like to go through all that, especially alone and apart from Thomas. Honestly the way new parents are treated sounds atrocious - not through the fault of individual staff but due to the way the system functions. It's so shocking.

[@Octobris]

It's so incredibly important for the partners of people who give birth to watch videos like this one. Their role during post partum period is literally essential. Thank you for sharing this story with us.

[@magnummagpie8792]

I highly highly HIGHLY recommend watching Ali Wong's stand up specials because she goes really in-depth with the postpartum humor. I watched them a few months ago with my mum and my mum ended up laughing so hard at the descriptions of pre and post pregnancy issues that she cried😂 because it was so spot on and cathartic to hear someone finally talk about it.

[@merle-k]

In Germany the period after the birth is called Wochenbett, which translates to "week bed"... I feel like that is an accurate descriptions: you spend weeks in bed. But you are one of the few ones that share how painful it's going to be; I just thought you had to do it as a precaution and not because you're not able to do anything else besides lying down

[@johanna2690]

Aber das Wochenbett ist auch ein bisschen überholt. Jetzt ermuntert man Mütter sich so schnell wie möglich nach der Geburt zu bewegen. Und es gibt auch Mütter die sich relativ vital nach der Geburt fühlen. Je nachdem wie lange die Geburt gedauert hat, wie stark sie gerissen sind und wie viel Blut sie verloren haben. Also das kann auch alles problemlos laufen. Aber Hilfestellungen braucht natürlich jede Mutter und es ist schade, dass immer mehr von Frauen verlangt wird, dass alles selber zu stemmen. Die Krankenhaus-Aufenthalte nach der Geburt werden ja auch unabhängig von Corona immer kürzer. Und dann kommt die Frau nach Hause, wohnt weit weg von der Familie und der Mann muss arbeiten... Das ist nicht ideal

[@sobean9309]

@@johanna2690 wie ist das eigentlich im vergleich dazu bei einem kaiserschnitt?

[@johanna2690]

@@sobean9309 Ein Kaiserschnitt ist eigentlich invasiver als eine vaginale Geburt. Es wird nicht empfohlen, wenn es keinen medizinischen Grund gibt. Man muss durch Haut, Fettschicht, Muskeln und Gebärmutterwand schneiden. Ist also eine richtige OP. Habe was die Regeneration angeht ganz unterschiedliche Dinge gehört. Manche haben lange Schmerzen beim Aufsitzen, aber andere auch nicht. Es kommt auch drauf an, ob der Kaiserschnitt geplant war oder ob es ein Notkaiserschnitt war. Letzterer kann für die Mütter sehr traumatisch sein. Er kann vonnöten sein, wenn die Herzrate des Kindes sinkt, es zu einem Geburtsstop kommt oder das Kind zu groß für den Geburtskanal ist. Melanies Geburt war denke so schwer, weil sie sehr lange in den Wehen lag, das Kind stecken geblieben ist und man es mit einer Zange rausziehen musste. Dabei kam es dann zu inneren Verletzungen und dem starken Blutverlust. Wenn man sehr zierlich ist und auf den letzten Ultraschallbildern sieht, dass der Säugling sehr groß sein wird, ist es vllt besser einen Kaiserschnitt zu planen. Aber die Ultraschallmessungen sind leider auch nicht sehr genau. Es ist somit schwer, das richtig zu entscheiden. Die vaginale Geburt hat mehrere Vorteile. Beim Geburtsvorgang wird das Fruchtwasser aus den Lungen des Säuglings gepresst und ein Reiz ausgelöst, der beim ersten Atemzug hilft. Die vaginal Flora geht auf den Säugling über und verleiht ihm die ersten guten Bakterien. Kein Scherz 😅 Zusammenfassend würde ich sagen, dass die Regeneration nach einer einfachen vaginalen Geburt schneller ist als nach einem Kaiserschnitt. Allerdings ist ein geplanter Kaiserschnitt angenehmer als eine traumatische vaginale Geburt bei der eine Zange etc. benutzt werden muss. Es kommt alles auf die Umstände an und man kann oft nicht beeinflussen wie es dann am Ende kommt. Noch ein anderes Thema. Man sollte finde ich trotz Corona im Krankenhaus gebären. Wenn das Kind zu Hause stecken bleibt, ist ein Hirnschaden sehr wahrscheinlich. Auf der anderen Seite sollten die Krankenhäuser sich bemühen die Atmosphäre angenehmer zu gestalten, damit sich weniger Frauen für eine potentiell gefährliche Hausgeburt entscheiden. So, das war jetzt viel zu lang und ich bin auch keine Expertin. Ich bin nur gerade selber in der Familienplanung und hab interessehalber viel mit befreundeten Müttern und befreundeten Ärzten geredet. Das war jetzt eine Zusammenfassung der Dinge, die mir erzählt wurden. Kann ich aber natürlich keine Garantie drauf geben😄

[@charlottec7998]

as someone who donates blood as often as I can, the transfusion part made me really sad. please take blood people have donated, we do it for a reason :)

[@agnieszkabednarczyk2824]

Jeez, you are making it about yourself.

[@charlottec7998]

@@agnieszkabednarczyk2824 yeh yeh sure that’s REALLY what i meant by literally TAKE MY BLOOD PLEASE

[@RubyWaller89]

Agnieszka Bednarczyk Chill 🙂

[@annarocha3254]

@@charlottec7998 HAHAH I WILL TAKE YOUR BLOOD 🤣🤣

[@EmileeLenhardt]

That’s hella sad they didn’t let him be with you and the fact that they use forceps because it was a rush ... I lost so much blood with my daughter and it did make me so tired. That’s so messed up how much help my SO helped me in the hospital and to think that he couldn’t be there for you makes me so sad.

[@TheHappyPantry]

Melanie, you’re such a lovely, strong, feminine, beautiful and powerful mommy. Thanks for being so inspiring and true ♥️♥️♥️

[@smashyrashy]

Why is feminine good

[@milaanic5380]

@@smashyrashy why wouldnt feminine be a compliment?

[@smashyrashy]

​@@milaanic5380 it's an insult if you are a man

[@doddleoddle]

Oh my Christ mel I am 😵

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

So was my vag...forWEEKS! But no seriously, Covid aint no time to be birthing in hospital on public healthcare :(

[@May04bwu]

I'm 26 and I've never experienced labour. I watched this whole video and now I just want to cry. I've been watching your videos for years now and it's incredible to see all these new happy things happen in your life - to release books, get married, start a family life, have a baby. I wish you so much happiness. Now watching this made me really sad. I'm truly sorry you went through this. Seeing you cry so honestly made me cry as well. This shouldn't happen. No one should feel this frightened and alone. I once too felt like I was about to die (literally saw a tunnel with a light at the end), when I was administrated some drugs at a hospital. It really does mess with your head. I cannot imagine how horrible and scared you must have felt. I'm so glad you're feeling better now and that you have such loving and caring partner like Thomas. Thank you for sharing all this with us, I'm sure it wasn't easy 💚

[@exittheloop2445]

Thank you for being open and vulnerable for all future mothers so that they can feel less alone in these experiences 💙 So sad to hear the challenges you have faced with the hospital during this time and good days are ahead. Wishing you a peaceful recovery and your family all the best!

[@christianchaddock385]

Thank you for sharing Melanie! I wish more people were brave enough to share constant like this. I don't think I've ever seen a raw, true discussion of what the postpartum period can be like. I really wish I would have seen something like this years ago when I had my first. I also had a peek down below a couple days postpartum and my partner rushed in when he heard me sobbing hysterically because I was convinced my vagina was wrecked forever. I now have 2 kids and it's all just fine down there lol. Pelvic floor therapy is a miracle!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

❤️❤️❤️ I am so glad to hear you had a great experience with it 😍

[@ottergether8518]

Well this is terrifying

[@powderandpaint14]

That's why women need to know about all this before they get pregnant!

[@justthatgamergirl1]

It’s putting me off so bad

[@cinthiaham1517]

And that’s okay! Preganancy and delivery Can be scary and heartbreaking, but choosing not to doesn’t make you less of a woman/person/human! It’s okay to be scared and not change your mind, as much as it is to choose to change your mind. ❤️ It is a lot! Much love to you dear, just know each experience is different but it can be beneficial to know the possibilities good or bad. Take care!

[@justthatgamergirl1]

@@cinthiaham1517 yeah you’re so right, half the people in the world will never have children because they don’t have the reproductive organs to do it, and I don’t see them as less of a human. Plus I would never see someone with the ability to birth as less then human if they didn’t have children.

[@nessaahmad4781]

I'm extremely anxious about childbirth and actually started throwing up at the part about the tear because it was too much.

[@blessing.mp4]

My arms went weak just listening to this. Women are sooooo strong. Wishing you all the happiness in the world with your beautiful family ❤️

[@ifrog92]

This was more than just “real and raw” - such an important video

[@womanescence4931]

I am not crying, you’re crying!... Thank you for this, Mel. You are an absolute rockstar. Thank you. 💚

[@nicholemccann5630]

As I say every single time you talk about your pregnancy experience. Thank you. I am petrified to have children but over the last ten or so months you have really made me feel better about it. Thank you.

[@Swarah93]

Im Irish too. I had a 30 hour natural labour in March.. my little girl was born and my husband stayed 2 hours and wasnt allowed back in at all for any visiting.. I had a haemorrhage too and a tear and I was terrified. My baby was super mucousy and kept vomiting so I was terrified to leave her alone. The midwives were lovely but they were no help to me. I couldn't have a shower til I got home so I was covered in dried blood. I sat in that hospital bed and cried. 3 days later I was able to leave and meet my husband outside. First time mother here too and honestly I'm traumatised. I sat in bloody sheets because they didn't have time to give me clean ones. It was horrendous and I'm grieving for the birth I had. My little girl is a blessing but I just wish it was in a different time.

[@amach9769]

Honestly, I think this is the most important video I have ever watched. No, like, really! We need more information like this. I would have never guessed that someone like you, who likes to exercise, has healthy eating habits, and is young would go through something like that! I really wish there was more real information about post partum... Even in less extreme cases, it seems like no one ever talks about the difficulties women go through! I honestly have almost no idea about what it is like after birth... How do women feel? It scares me, in case I'll have a baby in the future. I honestly wouldn't know what to expect. Thank you so so so much for this! Congratulations on your baby and I hope you'll feel better soon ❤️❤️

[@Filue]

I'm crying, because it sounds exactly like my birth story 😭 The forceps, the blood transfusion, not being able to pick up my baby by myself in hospital 😭 Even though my baby is already a teenager now, some of these memories still hurt. My second one was a homebirth btw.

[@chrissylouise3226]

If you don't mind me asking, did you prefer the homebirth experience rather than the hospital? I'm really stuck between homebirth and hospital for future reference with my first

[@MyoThais]

I had a really bad first hospital birth. So i am really considering a home birth for my second child. How was your homebirth experience?

[@Filue]

The homebirth was wonderful. I had a midwife and a gyn doc there. I really could let go much better than in the hospital. It was calm, peaceful and powerful. And the best thing was: Shortly after the birth my hubby, our daughter, our newborn son and me were cuddling in our own bed while ordering pizza. 😂 But tbh there was also a downside. The damage the forceps did to my pelvic floor previously caused multiple prolapses during the second birth. I don't know whether a ceserian would have prevented this. Maybe. Maybe not. But I'm still very happy with the homebirth experience. Maybe I'm the type of woman who should never have birthed vaginally. Because I am short, delicate and had babies with really big heads. Ugh. But I also would not want to miss this phantastic experience I had with the homebirth either. My advice to anyone who considers a homebirth is to make sure you have a hospital near you in case of an emergency situation. Maximum transport time from your home to the hospital should be 30 minutes.

[@emilybryant8461]

You are so STRONG! postpartum is such a hard time and is not glamorous to begin with, but you definitely had an exceptionally difficult time and I'm sorry for that. I cannot believe Ireland's restrictions, it is 100% inhumane. In the US, covid cases are still high but birth partners are at least allowed to stay with mom the whole time from labor to baby leaving the hospital. I pray that things get better for your public health care! I signed your petition as well.

[@jillmcaleese6514]

It’s greatly underestimated how stressful and painful birth and after birth can be. Very traumatising. My first birth was similar. But to give you hope, I went on to have several children, and now have many grandchildren! Granny, London

[@ThrowAway-ik9zd]

Thank you Melanie! I have always found weird that nobody talks about the postpartum situation (the first few hours/days right after birth). It is like "baby is here!" and all eyes go to him/her. What about the mother? We do all the hard work after all!

[@jadeheizer4846]

The idea of having kids often teirrifies me and i think part of it is that no one talks about it and men don't seem gentle about it. Thank you for sharing your story as watching you amd Thomas gives me hope.

[@saraH-yu1mx]

I don’t know how you did it by yourself in the hospital. I can’t even imagine. When you say you couldn’t take a deep breath, I remember that exact feeling. It was so bad when I would stand up so they had to run a EKG and other heart tests to make sure I was okay. I felt like my body was so heavy and like my muscles had been ripped. I think it’s due to the pushing and I don’t think people talk about how much strength it can take. Also, note to ladies who are pregnant. Don’t look down there for weeks. It will return to normal but it’s terrifying to look at.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Agreed! I won’t be looking next time 😭😂❤️

[@christinasmith8108]

wow Melanie. This sounds truly traumatising, I'm so sorry you were so alone through an experience like that. I can't believe this is how mothers are being treated after such huge medical events in 2020. The expectations on women are actually un. real. You are amazing. Shout out to all the mothers out there. You guys are superheroes for REAL

[@jessicaoats6530]

Videos like this are so important! I feel like birth is made out to be this perfect and wonderful and full of happiness event but evidently, it isn't always "perfect". Clearly, giving birth and the postpartum time in the hospital can be rough and/or traumatising even with the joy of a newborn. Thank you for sharing this and highlighting the reality of it all.

[@AlexGaffney96]

This has high key terrified me but thank you so much for being so open and honest!! It is so important for people to hear real stories from real people who have been through these experiences

[@kayleighmelville5832]

I had my second baby during lockdown and the hospital experience was completely different to my first child because of the covid restrictions. I went into it so naive because my first experience had went so well (despite having an emergency c section) but I can honestly say the day after having my second baby was the hardest day of my life. I felt completely awful and helpless. I was very lucky that it wasn’t my first baby because I already knew what I was doing. I couldn’t even imagine going through that as a first time mum. I’ve never related to a video more. Thank you for sharing this 🥰

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Thank YOU for sharing your experience...it's really validating to read stuff like this because I keep going over it in my head and thinking 'would it have been that bad anyway even if I had visitors/had Thomas around lots more?' but at the end of the day I KNOW it would have been ten times easier, most of the awfulness was how alone I felt! xxx

[@briarrosette]

This video made me cry. I can't get over everything mothers have to go through. You're all so strong and powerful. My heart goes out to you.

[@farkaskrisztina6449]

Mel, I am so happy you shared your story , because all you can see on the internet are these glam and positive and 'dream like' experiences whereas the reallity is so far from that. Memories are just raving in my head watching your video. I also had 3 ' injuries' when I had my son and it was hell in the hospital. I was literarly thinking too as well that I will not make it home and what is going to happen to my baby if I won't ... etc. I was doing it alone since I am a single mom from the start and I remember feeling worthless because baba was just not catching up on latching and we had to stay longer in the hospital because of it, I was just thinking it was my fault, and I was not the ' mom material' and I also thought I was going crazy because I just didn't sleep for a week. So yeah ... what all the 'Mommas to be's really need are these videos , where woman share their real experiences after the birth and just say that it is not all rainbows and butterflies ... though we would do it again yeah as crazy as it sounds . Everyone's experience is different in ways, that is the most important thing and of course prepare ladies and have a plan but don't get discouraged and upset if things have to go off the tracks. I wish you all the best, Mel, and the fam as well of course. Sorry if i rambled I am just emotional rn with a really fuzzy brain filled with good and bad memories from my own birth story, anyways ...Lots of strength and love may go your way 💜 🤗

[@karinajarog7329]

My son is already a year old but it is still difficult when you think about it! Heavy childbirth that could have ended very badly because at the last minute they pulled my boy out, without anesthesia and then the whole convalescence after! It was good that my mom was at home with me and my husband, I had an infection, the wound healed badly and this helplessness.... my body was trembling a week after, I couldn't fully support my child:( I couldn't do anything alone... hello to you, my dear and every woman is an amazing warrior❤️💪🏻

[@TheMakeupChair]

Mel you are amazing!! That sounds so incredibly difficult, 🙌 well done you!! This has me feeling all sorts of emotions for you, I’m so glad you are home safe! ❤️ you’re super mom!!

[@princesscharlott1983]

Two week old baby here almost and have been hit by the emotional bumps of baby blues and potential postpartum depression. Not easy I agree, still struggling, and so happy to see this video and people’s truths about post labour journeys - physical emotional psychological... thank you x the tears will dry up eventually and the light will shine x

[@Naphilia]

Hey Mel, I know you posted this publicly but I still feel honored to have watched you share your story, thank you. I cried several times throughout the video and I am shocked what you had to go through. I’m glad you have such an amazing husband and wish you all the best for the future. Also: I am a Physio myself and can not recommend pelvic floor physiotherapy enough after birth especially with severe tears like yours. It’s so important and can make a massive different in a women’s quality of life even years after delivery. Xxx

[@isabellarhiner8119]

Oh honey! I'm so sorry that you had such a terrible time. I also had an unexpected experience. I really, really encourage you to get some help with PTSD. You went thru a super traumatic experience. Thank you for sharing. People need to know it's not all fluff and love, it's dirty work birthing a child. You are a hero!

[@samanthawatkins1787]

I think this shows the need for research into postpartum. You can look into positive birth stories as much as you like, but you won't be prepared for an actual birth.

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Very true! I wish I spent more time researching all the possible outcomes for post birth! Xxx

[@2trickyvicky]

Listening to your experience is really eye opening to another side of post partum. I think it also gives an insight to vulnerable/disabled people who rely on others for assistance. Really value what our bodies are able to do ❤️

[@carysjones4377]

This is the kind of video I've been searching to see. There's so much about pregnancy, less about birth but enough to have an understanding but there's so few bits of first hand information or experiences for what happens after the birth. A woman body goes through so much so I know logically that there will be a period of time after that isn't all roses and "normal" but noone seems to talk about it. This "real talk" approach of your experience has been so welcomed now that my partner and I are planning a baby. You're such a strong lady and you've done amazing.

[@puddinxo9860]

This is such a breath of fresh air. I had my baby boy in February this year, so just before the first lockdown here and even then the postpartum period was hell. I was able to have my partner with me but the aftercare was very limited to video calls with the health visitor and not being allowed help at home from friends and family. And you’re absolutely right, there is next to no honest information out there about this period and it’s so, so lovely (even though my son is 8 months old now so I’m well out of that now) to hear your story and realise the exhaustion, hormonal outbursts, and general feeling of what the heck is this when first encountering your postpartum body is all absolutely normal! Hope you’re all doing well xx

[@whhoooo]

Appreciate how open you always are with us, Melanie! I really feel for what you went through in those few days. I was actually in tears listening to you and can´t even imagine how draining it must have been. Shame on the government for not letting partners stay in the ward because a large part of the stress you went through could have easily been avoided. Wishing you all the best though with your continued recovery as well as with this new adventure that is motherhood! Take care! xxx

[@colorblox4942]

I'm tearing up hearing your story. No one should be left alone like that. This sucks so hard. I totally understand how incredibly hard it must have been. There's nothing worse than not even being able to take care of yourself. This is really inhumane, just like you said!

[@LynseyGould]

I love the raw and unfiltered honesty throughout this. The world needs more of this especially on the su ject of motherhood. I know you're just settling into your new life with a baby but in the future if you ever consider writing g a book about this , please do it! It would help so so many people i would buy it in a heartbeat🥰 sending love to your family 🧡

[@lolafiiona7014]

Thank you so much for sharing this. It makes me want to be a helpful person in a medical institutions. It just shows you how there is no one there to help and cheer you up. It's so upsetting to know how people feel your scared and no one explains anything to you so that makes you even more worried.

[@lizzielittle4196]

I just adore your candour regarding birth and wholly female health. It’s so so important and takes away the stigma and fear that is generated through not talking about it in all its forms! Hope your recovery is going well. love to you, Thomas and bubba pan xx

[@GinaM3]

I don't have kids, and I don't know if I'll decide to have them, but this video is so important! You rarely see people talking about the "nitty-gritty" of labour/ their recovery - so thank you!

[@samanthaborgognoni7083]

I found my pregnancy and birth wonderful, but wasn't prepared for the post partum part, which I found the most difficult. I think there is still so much work to be done in informing women about post partum. There is not much information or disucssions about it (we have made progress in informing about pregancy and delivery though) and going through a pandemic doesn't help at all. I am myself a new mum and wanted to thank you for informing others about the reality of post partum, as hard as it is. Thank you Mel 🥰🙌🏼

[@rosieclarke6387]

As a midwife in the UK, this and your birth video made me incredibly sad, frustrated and uncomfortable. I'm sorry that you had this experience. I struggle to understand why their covid restrictions are so severe (I thought ours were bad), that is not benefitting anyone! You are an incredible woman. So much love.

[@Maydas]

I love how you casually explaining the story while you are breastfeeding. I feel like a lot of women don’t want to show that side of motherhood because of social pressure (not because of personal reasons which is totally understandable) even though they literally have to breastfeed every two hour.

[@rose1356]

Hey Melanie! I really appreciate how open and honest you've been! I had my first child nearly 2 years ago now and this has brought it all back. I had to have physiotherapy for a prolapse bladder as I had stress incontinence. But 18 months on my symptoms have disappeared. Just want to give you hope that things can and do get better in time...even though it feels like they never will. I wish you all the best. Sending love x

[@anabluu]

Well done for another amazing raw video Mel, it's so important creators talk about this stuff too! It's ridiculous how it's not discussed more, it's literally how most of us are here now...

[@skcronin35]

I am 26 weeks pregnant, the honesty is so appreciated! Thank you so much ❤

[@ChocoTheTiger]

As a nursing student, this patient experience was extremely valuable to hear. And as a woman who wants to have a baby in the future. Thank you for sharing💗 And congratulations to you on your new adorable baby😊

[@lilywojciechowski9906]

I started crying when you started crying and started literally praying into the past for you, your such a hero and I'm so thankful you have Thomas 💓

[@sweetness371]

I don't think I'll ever have kids, but I still found this video very informative and good to know.

[@katiie7]

Allopregnanolone is usually something that women NEED to benefit the brain postpartum. It can do a lot & not many know about it. You are so so strong❤️ I cannot imagine

[@FM-vi9tn]

Sorry to hear everything you went through Melanie, its horrifying hearing how things can go, but i think it's good to share this, so people are more aware and prepared, you never think of this kind of stuff happening, honestly made me cry, same thing happened to me with getting locked in a car a few weeks ago, I didnt even have a baby but was panicking can't imagine how frightening it was for you then x

[@Dreaminangel420]

I’m in tears from watching this video. I had a similar situation where my partner wasn’t there with me after the birth of my daughter (she’s gonna be 18 years old on in a week!) and this video brought back so many memories about how hard those first days were. I’m so glad you’re talking about this. Not everyone is able to bounce back it’s very hard. Thank you for being so honest and raw.

[@conversesauxpieds]

That rule is absolute BULLSHIT! In France the birth partner could stay the length of the stay as long as they did not go out at all so basically locked down in the hospital with your new born. OH MY GOD you had an allergic reaction what the hell. They did it all to you didn’t they. You’re a fucking warrior ! Well down getting through it all your man and your lil one must be so proud. You must be so proud !

[@cableplusjackie]

Thank you for making this video. I wasn’t prepared for postpartum whatsoever and I feel like if I had watched this video when I was going through a similar journey, it would have felt good to not feel so alone. You are most definitely helping a lot of new moms out there, especially moms giving birth during Covid.

[@ishadrums]

Melanie i’m in awe of you right now. The female body is seriously capable of so much and you are so strong for going through that!! and Thomas you are amazing!! You two make such a strong couple and such a strong family i can’t wait to see the amazing things that await your beautiful family

[@anitre1]

Currently pregnant and I appreciate SO MUCH what you talked about here. I always think that we should think positively but be prepared (or at least aware of) for anything. No idea how it will look like for me... Time will tell. You're amazing, thank you for doing what you are doing, and congratulations again!!

[@charlotteangela1664]

Melanie I relate to so much of this, I had my first baby in April via csection and it was so hard not being able to sit up and hold my baby with no visitors and understaffed midwives/nurses. I felt so vulnerable and scared and only slept an hour the first night. All the staff were so busy they couldn’t help me and I was in so much pain trying to struggle to take basic care of my baby and am still struggling mentally 6 months on. You’re so strong for being able to get through all of that because I know how difficult it is. Hope you are doing ok now and have some good support!

[@anjalisadanandam]

Melanie, i cant thank you enough for making this video. I had a baby in Aug in Galway and had similar experience. Third degree tear, blood loss, breastfeeding was a nightmare since my baby wouldnt latch. Staff and the lactation consultant there were so busy and werent of much help. The worst part of it all was that couldnt do skin to skin after birth as i had to be wheeled to the theatre right away to get stitched up. This video brought me a lot of healing and thank you for that