Baby 3, "The Roommate Phase" & Repressed Emotions | Deep Chats Q&A

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Anything I didn’t answer feel free to ask here! And let me know HOW YOU ARE! Get it all off your chest 💖

[@maddalenaesposito890]

Hi there! So happy to have watched this video on a chill hot and breezy sunday summer evening. I love these kinds of videos, I always leave a comment like this but I really do find them very inspiring, your honesty really makes me think about many things any time I watch a video of yours. As to how I am feeling well!!!!! This half year has been a hell of a ride, good but also life-changing one. At the beginning of the year I lost my job, so I decided to move back to my home town after living in the South of France for a year. I had many reasons but in the end what matters most is I had the courage to be honest with myself and actually follow what the famous "gut feelings" were telling me: that I missed home, wanted to be back, to leave the relationship I was in because I didnt feel the love anymore and do something in my life that had *purpose* .... WELL Since then, I have started to work in something I really believe in (I am now a social worker in the field of migration in the South of Italy) and completing my studies with a 1 year master in the same field. Left that relationship, moved back into my parents' house (and been happy about it for the first time! wow crazy) and just started to enjoy the beautiful place I'm from, my familiy and friends. Also, Been to 3 Taylor Swift concerts this summer and crowned a dream of my 13 year old self. :') I've been to Dublin for the the eras tour and during my time in Ireland with my friend we also did a tour of the Ring of Kerry! It was amazing, made me think of you! In the end, I am just a 26 year old teenager and still have moments where I think what the hell am I doing but dont we all? Your videos never fail to remind me that yes none of us know wtf we are doing and that's okay ☮

[@caesar98]

Have you thought about freezing your eggs? Idk how it works in Ireland but it might help with the dread feeling of a biological clock. I feel that having children shouldn't be rushed some of the best parents I know had kids later in life and having large age gaps isn't as bad as some think

[@hummuslife1086]

I'd love for you to make a video specifically about your experience of raising kids in Dublin and Ireland, the positives and negatives you've experienced and maybe improvements you feel could be made to our current system to support families and mothers more (maybe ideas from other countries like Denmark etc.) Of course each individuals situation is different which will impact your experience of raising kids in Ireland but it could be an interesting video. I'm from Dublin and want to have kids in the next 2 years and hearing your opinions would be super helpful for other Irish parents-to-be

[@nellyls7872]

Have you thought about adopting?

[@Rose-l2m8d]

Melanie! I just wanted to say, it sounds like you really want to have this 3rd baby! You're considerations against it show what a wonderful and responsible mother/partner you are, but I also believe our truth is a gift to the world and that circumstances change over time - Perhaps baby #3 will feel like a hell yes for you both in a couple of years time, don't give up hope! xx

[@emma.greenwood]

Melanie, I really appreciate you in a way that might not sound complimentary but I really do mean it in a complimentary way. Your refreshing and beautiful honesty about motherhood has been a major assist for me in deciding not to be a parent, and I am grateful to you so much not only for myself but for the potential future children I could have had that would have been damaged by my resentment of them. I really, really endorse what you are saying as a public service to all - for people who do and don't want kids, and for those who already have children I believe you provide solidarity that is often scarce. Thank you ❤

[@lynncrf]

It's important to bear in mind that everyone's experiences of parenthood are different. If you did decide to have kids someday you very well might not resent them. Most people find raising kids to be like running a marathon/getting a degree: hard work but very fulfilling.

[@mokimon5079]

I am so glad that you were able to come to that decision and I'm glad that Melanie was able to help you realise it. I wish you all the years of happiness and fulfilment!

[@emma.greenwood]

@@mokimon5079 thank you, back at you! 🥰

[@emma.greenwood]

@@lynncrf absolutely, but I am quite happy with my decision (which is based on many things and many observations including various friends, family members' experiences etc)

[@soilgrasswaterair]

@@lynncrf When someone express that in such a strong way, usually they won’t resent the children but willoften deeply resent the role of parenthood which will affect the child/ren in a very negative way.Think about all the adults who shared that they felt loved, but heard or felt that their parent/s didn’t want to be a parent. It’s ok that some don’t wish to have children and express that, we don’t need to talk to them as if we know better than them how they feel and will feel based on a subjective experience and hopes and dreams tied to parenthood and children.

[@mariahlamb2983]

I was running away from my traumas and emotions all my life, and only just started therapy at 28 years old. I didn't believe in it, nor did I think I needed it until I put my stubbornness aside. A recent therapy session I had ended up putting me down and out for an entire day and even trickled into the next. I spoke about something with my therapist that I hadn't spoken about to anyone. And afterward I felt physically ill, exhausted, convinced I was coming down with something by coincidence. But it truly was the fact that my brain had repressed things, but my body always kept tabs. That physical reaction was not at all what I expected. Considering the fact that I had only just scratched the surface with my traumas and negative experiences, I became terrified to even dig deeper into the more painful things. I didn't want to end up sick for a day or two just for speaking for an hour. After all, I have a 4 year old child that needs me. I can't just be down and out and unable to function for a whole day. But after the following therapy session I had, I realized how important it was for me to do this. And how much more comfortable and even recovered I felt about the incident after that bout of sickness that came with letting go of these traumas. Although it's difficult and scary, it's so incredibly worth the sacrifice. It's worth releasing all of that gross build up that has festered over the years. For anyone reading, if you're someone who has been apprehensive or fearful of therapy, please take that leap of faith. It is essential to your overall well being for yourself and those around you. You deserve to heal and you deserve to give yourself that opportunity to do so, even if at this moment you feel like it wouldn't be worth it. I promise you it is 🤍

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

Thank you so much for sharing that 😭😭❤️ I cannot recommend craniosacral therapy enough I COMPLETELY forgot to mention it in my exhaustion…I unleash so many emotions during it, practitioner told me that’s super common!

[@DynamicWhispers]

I think movies make it seem like the end of the world to be single or like your life hasn't fully started. I thought it was awful to be single and not have a date to prom etc. However, I now know many of us just knew we were on our own paths and went off to different colleges and I'm glad now for having time to figure out more about myself rather than who I thought someone else wanted. I'm with someone now who really accepts me. ❤

[@starhill6792]

I’m currently in the not doing well stage after a really hard therapy session. I’m starting to feel more normal. Thank you for the encouragement ❤

[@surlespasdondine]

28 is pretty young to start therapy, many only start in their fourties, fifties or beyond. Good for you!

[@dkirilova3]

I don't know what type of therapy you do, but looking into somatic therapy and EMDR therapy could maybe be useful. They are really helpful in treating trauma and releasing it from the body

[@thehealingfairee]

I absolutely love that you talk about the real parts of life and don't pretend to sugar coat how perfect being married or having babies is! You're so grounding and such an inspiration for what my future could be like ♥️

[@imaginingdefeat]

As I hear you talk about the child problem, it sounds like I’m listening to someone who is already a bit overwhelmed at times with parenting 2 kids and is trying to talk themselves into experiencing the pain and exhaustion all over again because they’re in love with the *idea* of meeting another “possibility.” The idea might be growing on you as time goes on because you’re further away from the awful bits of the pregnancy experience and the rosy parts resonate more strongly looking back. Just the POV from a childless stranger listening to how you’re framing this 🤷‍♀️

[@lostkittenxx]

on the 'toxic people' thing: Sometimes we ourselves are the 'toxic' person to another person! And sometimes we don't even realise it. I 100% believe that cutting contact is necessary in certain situations. But if that situation is not inherently dangerous or threatning, it can be done gently - or even avoided

[@leoniep9231]

The red line is different for different people. Cutting contact after being emotionally abused and dismissed for years because you are a people pleaser might seem to be not threatening to some, that type of conflict even might seem potentially resolvable, but if the other person does not want to change their ways, it's still legitimate to cut contact. It does not have to be dangerous, you are allowed to take all steps necessary to guard your mental health, you don't have to prioritize other peoples' wishes or wait until you have a reason that seems legitimate enough to other people.

[@eviekeats4173]

I don't know if you need to hear this, but growing social media and doing something else/exploring are not mutually exclusive. I love to watch creators who also engage with the world in other ways! It yields different and interesting perspectives! You can do both and give yourself some space. :). It doesn't have to be all or nothing!

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

For me, it sort-of would be one or the other as I’d want to continue to be the primary caregiver of my kids and that’s a full time job! Anything else I’d need to train for in my free time/practice in my free time! And KZbin videos/reels eat into free time sooo much 🩷

[@eviekeats4173]

@@melaniemurphyofficial Totally understand ☺

[@bobekecske]

That was so well put, about kids being so unpredictable and therefor parenting not feeling as predictable and “satisfying”, never feeling sure about ones confidence in feeling as capable.

[@rachelnidhugain5398]

Melanie thank you so much for encouraging us about learning to drive. I'm 28 and ready to start reapplying for lessons, and felt like its hopelessly too late. I've never watched your videos until today, and i think your message was a sign from the universe! 🧡 I'm officially a new subscriber x

[@ragarast]

Hi friend! I am 29 and just got my driver's license! If Mel can do it and I can do it - you can totally do it! So excited for you to start your lessons. :)

[@jasmineberry1]

I learnt to drive and got my licence when I was 37! You can 100% do it 😊

[@carlasilva1774]

Hi Rachel, I got my license when I was 22 but was absolutely terrified of driving. I tried a few times over the years but never successfully. Finally at 31, with the help of my dad, I started practicing driving to work and back. It took me months and I practiced by sections. Now at 32 I am able to drive by myself to work and to the supermarket. Even though I am still working on being comfortable with driving other places, just being independent going to those two, instead of relying on crowded public transportation, has been life changing. It's never too late! Your future self will thank you. Good luck on your journey!

[@amberglow7612]

My mum got hers at 47 :)

[@ruthielalastor2209]

Yey to learning to drive! I'm turning 33 and I'm going to be learning in the coming year. 🎉

[@anabluu]

I've been watching you for years and I don't know if I've mentioned it, but because you brought up teaching / coaching people: you are one of the few, very very few people that I've heard speak (and I have multiple diplomas in political science, business, even hairdressing) that always inspires me. Whenever I watch something of yours and you bring something up , your food choices, working in the garden, your renovations (we started at the same phase!) , I'm always motivated to get up and do something good with my day. So much good writing has been produced under your influence. And I am sure I am not alone in this. Therefore, you can absolutely venture into live lecturing as you want, but I wanted to let you know you're already a teacher, a teacher of life skills, and your influence is hugely beneficial 😊

[@luzvez]

You look absolutely gorgeous!! I checked on you after such a long time and missed a lot of chapters. But loving the vibes of this channel now & to see you glowing! When I first discovered you I was a very confused 15-year-old teenager now I'm a grown 25-year-old woman & coming out of a toxic relationship, confused about my career, feeling completely lost, thinking & rethinking about so many aspects of life especially marriage, womanhood, having future kids, etc so you real honest insight is such a gem. Also, I'm so happy to see you the way you have grown up in such an inspirational way!!

[@AllisonIntheCity]

If you're happy with the way your life is right now, savor that! Having a third child could change things and not for the best. And also lots of women have regretted having kids. There's an entire book called 'Regretting Motherhood.'

[@diri07]

I agree. I understand the wish for more children, but you have to keep in mind your own health and capacity for childcare. And yeah, lots of people regret having kids / having more kids, so I didn’t really get this comment from her.

[@sophielc2437]

Completely agree and the whole middle child syndrome is real !

[@Sarah.tomasello]

Since I’ve had my baby I’ve had soo much anxiety about the state of the world politically, and also the technological advancements that would happen in her lifetime & How this would shape her life differently. Listening to you talk about this made me feel so much better. It’s easy to worry about all the bad that could potentially happen, and forget about how much good humans and technology can be capable of. I needed to be reminded of that!

[@pizza_queen8345]

I have two.. 4&2 and I always thought I wanted three kids. But I don’t think I could redo the newborn phase again. It’s essentially a reset on who I am because it takes so long to feel like me after pregnancy and postpartum I don’t think I could do it again. And i suppose that is a bit selfish of me to say but I just know my limits.. I also want to be able to give my two girls me 100%. I’m content in the decision, even though I’m only 28 I’m happy to be done and looking forward to the years ahead watching them grow.

[@mcgc93]

Hey there. Not selfish at all! Just responsible towards your children and self aware :)

[@BellaHardcastle]

I feel the same with my 2 boys, I feel I don't have the capacity to care for more in the way I want to care for them and look after myself. My youngest is 2 and I feel like I've just got myself back and I don't want to start over again.

[@jazzmanizzle]

This is literally me only I’m 34 🥲 for me it’s definitely also an age thing. I don’t want to be starting perimenopause when I’m done with pregnancy and +/- 2 years of breastfeeding etc. I want to enjoy my two girls but I’m still grieving that third pregnancy birth and child and not 100% decided yet. But probably no.

[@yenibobenny]

I love seeing how other people live their lives. For several months I lived in my friend's house after college and I got to see how her family operates and especially her parents. They lived a very different life than me so I didn't understand what the point was for decorating for the seasons or verbalizing "I love you" to your partner every chance you got. They taught me that. These days every time the thought pops into my head or I take a glance at my partner and he looks especially bright and charming I make sure to say it. It is hard to hold onto positivity but I find that those little moments make every day a little lighter.

[@CharlieKeep]

This chatty video is EVERYTHING- from a mum of 2 who moved to Australia and doesn’t have her village 😞 absolutely LOVE your honesty 🥰

[@EASchneid]

Melanie, I’m fricken crying. I feel so validated knowing someone is going through such a similar stage of life. It’s tough, it’s messy and it sucks sometimes but it is WORTH it. ❤

[@apricushill]

With you too sister ❤❤❤❤

[@merillamuses6852]

Just for balance ~ none of us know at all if we can have x amount of children , even if we have had healthy pregnancies & babies before, nothing is guaranteed, each child is a gift! Having this mindset helps me so much ~ in my heart I know how many children we’d like but also know that it’s not up to me, our firstborn happened soo easily but trying for our second is a whole other story! Love to you Melanie! Xxx

[@Shikelya]

Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. Sometimes it is so interesting to hear someone else think loudly about some life stuff.

[@sophiilouisee]

Mel, those quotes are incredible, and I really appreciate you sharing them - thank you!

[@RM-kx9oh]

Rumi's full name is Jallaludin Rumi. He was a devout Muslim 🤍🤍

[@a3b33dubs]

Love how honest and real you are, Mel 💚

[@brihannonstrathern8801]

Guys? Can we perhaps just back off with the whole 'will they won't they have a 3rd child' thing please? Having a single child let alone debating adding a 3rd is such a personal thing to each couple and each family dynamic. There is always so much more to think about besides just 'do I want another cute little mini me'. Society puts so much pressure on couples to get married, have the baby, buy the house but it is all such a balancing act and battle to get to even just one of those milestones and maybe, just maybe, some couples aren't particularly bothered about some or even all of them. I personally think it is so wrong how society has somehow made it okay to be so outrageously nosy in the life of a couple. Everyone is individual, let them do life at their own pace and perhaps while we're at it we can all just back off a bit and let people just....live, breathe, exist?

[@May04bwu]

I think they talked about 3 in the past, assume that's why that person asked. It's not always the worst case scenario.

[@apricushill]

I think in general your statement is appropriate- but this is Mel - she’s very open and absolutely wouldn’t talk about something if she didn’t want to, I think.

[@surlespasdondine]

no one is being pushy. at all.

[@surlespasdondine]

@@apricushill exactly this

[@Ulrike121]

I had a big load of dishes to do. This video coincidentally was the exact duration of the time it took to do them. I despise doing dishes, this made me forget I was doing them. Thanks, Mel. More videos like this please!

[@EnnyOwl]

As someone who moved around a lot as a child I completely related to what you said about being at your mother in laws house. You can immediately tell when someone grew up with so much stability and love. I’ve had to grieve that part of my childhood and focus on creating stability for my future. It’s hard but therapy definitely helps 💜✨

[@alikarol3]

As a fellow mom: Do you want a third child, or do you miss your children being babies? Because they all grow up 💚

[@eleanorbassett5536]

Mel, just wanted to say; your relationship and life is goals to me in terms of overcoming trauma responses and unhealthy patterns.

[@emilymclaughlin3113]

Mel, I ADORE you. And am so grateful to have had some weird internet experience with you the past 10 years. But PLEASE don't let us be a reason to stop your from doing something that is calling you. We can love you from afar! And be the supporters that you know are always out there. Brings me so much joy getting to see some of your life shared with us but I would never want this to stop you from doing what feels in line with you and your life now X

[@D.C.626]

Regarding repressed emotions: In early uni, I took a course on speech communication that involved practicing a skill I now use in daily life - perception checking. This process involves discussing an issue to gain clarity and not directly assign blame (ie. Sit with your feelings, but dont be actively in your feelings when having the heart to heart). I am not afraid of "conflict" in interpersonal relationships. Not toxic fighting, but disagreements and differences in opinion or behavior. Sometimes this conflict can result in consctuctive change. My younger sister does not like conflict after being bullied and betrayed by close friends in school, and in friendships now tends to repress her own discomfort in order to maintain a group homeostasis (ie. I dont want to rock the boat/be annoying). Often times this results in an issue reocurring and breeding resentment over time. As sisters do, we argue often. And one time i demanded she be honest about how she was feeling (what i want from her) because her attitude (behaviour) indicated that she was angry or resentful towards me (perception), but i had no clue why. When she told me how she was feeling, and how what i had said or done (behaviour) had contributed to this, i cried. Her immediate response was "See? And now you hate me". I told her, "Of course I dont hate you. Yes it was hard for me to hear, but I am allowed to react. I love you and never realized what i was doing/saying made you feel this way". And while not perfect, i was able to address an issue and pay closer attention during future conversations. I can have a hard time opening up myself, so ive gotten a lot of practice "sitting with my feelings". Really unpacking is this a "me feeling" or something someone can help with? Is there something I need to do/change? Or do i need something from someone else (eg. Advice, change in behaviour, assurance)?

[@lauragleaves]

The part where you talked about emotions and how we carry them in our bodies was so spot on. We need to feel our emotions, it’s so important. Loved watching this vlog, felt so connected to you :) ❤

[@CorinneDemyanovich]

We just started doing “Toxic or Not” on Cinema Therapy because of exactly what you said about calling people “toxic.” It’s over- and mis-used!

[@s.a.w5493]

This is very personal to share in a youtube comment but: my husband just had a vasectomy yesterday. Nature chose for us and now I have 3 under 3 (twins). We only really planned for two, AND YET I went through this exact thing about not having a 4th. I even started having dreams about how much i wanted another one! I guess that is to say, you will probably go through this when you're done, regardless of how many you have. ❤

[@nabeelafarooq3718]

This is such a genuine struggle Mel especially amongst the women of our age. Thank you for sharing your struggle and opening up

[@nessim.8252]

I never comment much on KZbin in general, but every time you upload (and especially when it’s a blog style video) I feel the urge to comment to help boost the algorithm. I have loved your channel for a good 6/7 years at this point and I don’t think there’s anything by you I wouldn’t watch. I just really like your realistic view on life and being able to talk about hardships, while still having an overall positive attitude. I feel you gratitude towards life even while you speak about struggling with certain aspects and it’s calming and gives me lots of hope and joy for the future 💚

[@smileitsalright7]

As someone going back to school online and part time for therapy, I'd recommend it i think you'd really like it!

[@brookeshotwell9916]

This was beautiful. Thanks for showing all the complexity of being a human and being so honest.

[@mandzimation]

i feel you on carrying repressed feelings in my shoulders & neck, and also how it stems from our parents not understanding how to handle our feelings. my mom was the exact same way- she didn't know how to comfort me when i felt sad and it definitely affected me. it also made me only feel validated when i was feeling positive emotions, even now it's hard to navigate when i feel upset. i tend to just push off the feeling until weeks later when i finally process it. wild. thanks for the chat big sis! 💚

[@DeannaTroyTravels]

Loved this chat! I'm one of those couples that have been with my husband for 11 years and have had plenty of travels and adventures together. We're going to start the adoption process soon, but we are dragging our feet because we both love our lives with just us together and our cat! Thank you for sharing the real experience of life after kids. We all appreciate you helping us all get mentally prepared!

[@holisticmaya]

I just listened to the whole video while having my lunch and taking a long walk :) i want to say SO MANY THINGS but I’ll just say thank you dearly for all of this! It was just so refreshing and nice. It felt like having a friend share their thoughts on life ❤please make more of these 😊

[@alysffion8095]

I’m pregnant with my second and at home with my toddler .. THIS CHAT WAS LIKE HANGING OUT WITH A REAL LIFE ADULT!!! Soul quenching and so thought provoking .. Ugh thank you so much Melanie! My fav segment was the return of the disturbing ending 😂🤪 I’ve been a quiet viewer for maybe … 9 years? 🤯🫠 Xoxo sending love

[@bh-fm4kt]

Thankyou so much for your honesty and the genuine way in which you approach KZbin. Sometimes it feels like motherhood is all perfection or ultra negative online so the way you approach it is super helpful. A podcast from you would be amazing 😊 no pressure though because we all understand that that might not be possible at this stage of life 💚

[@MaryLinn1999]

I love how you answered the last question! So inspiring 🫶🏻

[@SadieKej]

I love how thick your hair is!! I feel like its mostly genes, mine is healthy and smooth and silky but still not much volume

[@AliB2412]

My bff and I live in different countries since 17 years ago and we send each other long audio messages instead of calling so we can actually listen to each other without interruptions and this video felt exactly like that, like a chat with a friend ❤ would subscribe to your Patreon happily, can’t wait!!

[@sydneystudds]

Love this video. I love that you talk about everything, the good the bad, the uncomfortable and more. You are just always showing up so authentically human, and I really appreciate that. Thanks for creating what you do and sharing it with us. Wish you the best as always 🖤

[@KB-bx9ui]

Love your q & an and all essay videos you create Melanie! 💚 Please speak to what calls to you over what seemingly "performs" better. You clearly are a teacher at heart and I know you will find your way...as you already have on KZbin...because you truly teach me so much. A Patreon and film club are a wonderful idea. I wish I had friends who cared about films as much as I do....will be so nice to find community in an intentional space.

[@lilyirvine5004]

I looooved this video! I kept dipping in and out while I was making tea, doing the washing, getting ready for work. And each time I was really looking forward to watching a bit more! Such a relaxed cosy vibe - more of this please 🧡✨

[@jordanw4341]

The relationship talk was really helpful, thanks for sharing. My partner and I don't have kids because I'm disabled. Similar situation though with him working 12hrs a day 5 days a week, and I'm constantly home because my health has been declining. I've found it hard to deal with the resentment of having to do everything around the house solo on 4-5 hours of sleep each night, and varying levels of chronic pain and exhaustion each day. Especially because developing multiple chronic illnesses by my late 20's has been a lot to process emotionally. I'm constantly faced with the realization that my life is nothing like I had imagined it would be. Not comparing is great advice though. I constantly remind myself he works hard for both of us, but sometimes emotions don't care about logic. I'm still working on communicating how I feel in the moment.

[@whisper-lynn6246]

So thankful for you always being so opened with us. Feels like a big sister ❤

[@May04bwu]

I'm in 1st trimester now. We've been together for 2 years as a couple, known each other for 4 years. I totally understand what you mean. I also sometimes feel kind of melancholic about not having more alone time as a couple but on the other hand I am SO READY for a baby to come and to see this great man a dad. I'm 30, we want more so this really felt like the right time.

[@alabamalove24]

Melanie, I watched (more like listened to) this video while i was talking my evening walk and it felt so much like listening to a friend’s voice memo. i loved this so much! i’ve been watching your videos for so many years, this type of vlog stuff has been so missed and i’m so happy you posted this video. ❤️

[@stphmrns]

I obviously don’t know what the actual stats show but as far as I’m concerned, these types of videos are my favourites by far from anyone I follow and I usually always watch them the whole way through, ads and all. Whereas if it’s a flashy edited one on a particular topic I either scroll right by or click through sections to get thought it quicker. So definitely on board with more chatty low-key videos! Loved hearing your thoughts on spirituality in particular :)

[@giuliasaletti3967]

oh mel i loved it 🥲 you make me feel so not alone for having some sheeeeet thoughts about life crisis, what is my purpose etc etc. i'm 26 and happily in a relationship, we just bought a house and he is older than me (he just turned 40) and i'm here having a life crisis because i know i want to become a mother at some point and that time IS important BUT at the same time i remind myself that i can't control EVERYthing and that it's okay if i don't know how my next 5 years will look like 😲 SOOOO.....thanks for sharing your thought on these deep themes of life and for always being so honest and open about yours. 💚

[@samantarizzi248]

Love you and this channel. Hope you never leave us. :) Just listening to your voice makes me nostalgic.

[@crinaci]

I was patiently waiting for you to start a Patreon for sooo many years, I'll be so happy if you started one!! And I loved this video, so many thing echoed with my own life 😅 Hope you are well 💚

[@jes1630]

I love these kind of videos! Deep topics are my favourite. Best wishes

[@brihannonstrathern8801]

Proud of you for driving around here there and everywhere! My lessons are picking up again in September

[@alejandramacias8199]

Glad I stayed to the end- what a pretty singing voice!

[@hugablestpersonever]

It's so true that as they age kids still need that time from their parents (especially nowadays with cost of living and housing issues). I'm 26 and I still need my mum all the time! Not something that necessarily means you shouldn't have another child, but something to consider. I love you and your content Melanie! I totally get that feeling of needing a client facing job. When I was younger I was in so many jobs where I didn't work with a team and I would be all alone in my work and it feels so isolating. Having a work bestie is so underrated. Something I would recommend is trying out some volunteering work? I know it's not for money and it's another thing to add to your plate, but it might just itch that scratch (or it might not - but it would be worth trialling it out to see how it goes right?)

[@oliviafillar]

As a first time mom of an almost-one-year-old, I needed this video. Thank you for being so open and making me feel less alone ❤

[@martasmigielska3509]

It’s so refreshing to listen to you! 🥰❤️ I watch your videos since a long time and as the time flies by I feel that I resonate with your content more and more! ❤ I think that what you do as a creator and as a person in your life is just beautiful! And I also agree with beeing here and now! That will keep us sane! 😛❤️🥰 All the best to you!

[@dawnforlife]

Heyyy slow down Melanie, breathe, relax.. My first pregnancy, I was 35. Now she is three plus and I parent like you, co sleep, exclusively breastfeeding on demand, attachment parenting..etc. It's EXHAUSTING. Before now (close to four years), I don't think I can survive with another but you did. There is time, breathe.... I did recently have a miscarriage, though it was an unexpected pregnancy and devastating, here is where I find being spiritual helps. Knowing that it's all in God's hands, helps. It's tough for you to be most of the time with both your kids and still running this channel. Also, my husband climbs 5 hours a week. Not his job. So, I can totally GET the resentment part. What helps me is keeping to my own lane and telling him what I would like when he is home. Most of the time, I feel like (especially with our style fo parenting), it's not that our husbands don't want to take over, sometimes I find myself not being able to ask for the time off I want because maybe baby will need me, needs feeding; we worry and think maybe it's easier for everyone if we just don't take this 30 mins off because it's just 30 mins or an hour but most of the time, it takes me just 15 mins of silence and reading or doing something without interruption for my nervous system to calm down. It also helps to realise that climbing helps him stay fit, stay healthy physically and mentally so he can actually give me my time off when he is home. It's not easy and I don't know if me typing as I think, makes sense. If it doesn't, I just want to say, you are not alone! Big hugs. *I'm born and raised Catholic. I'm wouldn't say I'm religious because I don't agree with a lot of things within the church but I'm spiritual and I believe in God.

[@apricushill]

My plate is as full as yours Mel so I’ll be honest I listened to most but skipped to the parts (or questions) most relevant to me - and I feel sooooo seen / validated / understood how you describe the marriage resentment or “jealousy” and also how our days as SAHM’s are soooo unpredictable. LOVE YOUR VIDEOS. I love this “season” of life but like in one day i experience like three years worth of seasons?! Haha. It’s hectic. But it’s for us. Meant for us. And what always helps me is to picture myself as a baby or child … and imagining I had the mother I needed and how that felt, and then any stroppy mood I’m in is gone instantly and I see my children and how innocent they are and in need of the absolute best of me. And as far as my husband, I also do my best (with some slip up’s) to remember we have different roles… and it’s temporary too… ❤

[@bridmcgrath3606]

Haha thomas pilot hat in the background 😂

[@Hillary429]

Keep singing and dancing, it’s the greatest way to release stress from your body 💃 🕺

[@SuccessVibeDaily]

I get Midnight library vibes when I listen about different career paths and the amount of kids people have. There are so many potential possibilities how our lives will go. It's fascinating. Life is all about choices we make along the way

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

My first novel (which was out before Midnight Library was written! Always feel like I need to say that due to the similarities lol!) was about a woman who gets to experience parallel versions of her life…it was SO fun to write! It’s called ‘If Only’ but yeah I’m a fucker for constant ‘what if’ thoughts! 💖

[@anikasharma5052]

love your channel and ur millennial coded little habits!! loved watching this format :) all the best

[@itsmehaley2]

10+ year follower here - I’ll be a loving supporter of yours wherever you go and whatever you do! If you took a break from the internet and ever wanted to come back in some way, I’d be there on the other side. If you came off the internet, I’d still be rooting for you and your joy from a distance❤️

[@eleanor4759]

Q&A's are the best of the best! Emotional health, to me, is containment and staying with the emotion in an embodied way, and then communicating once it has *passed* . Which, to me, essentially means becoming aware of whether you're surrendering to a sensation/emotion or resisting it. Above all else, this made absolutely no practical sense to me before I started somatic/body-based/nervous system work. Psychology, as helpful as it is, didn't scratch the surface. Now, after learning and living somatics, I just find it mind blowing (and so relieving) how I have control over how I respond to people *without* the horrific anxiety that comes from emotional suppression ❤

[@cheekymonkey5150]

Just greatful for this video and for honesty and trusting us enough to share your struggles, ideas, thoughts and doubts. So so good and ...healing to see that we're all just humans living for the first time ❤💖

[@thelostpumpkin4146]

As someone who works from home in a job with few meetings, I totally feel you on the 'I want a job where I meet/interact with/help people!' Sometimes at the end of the work day I feel like I don't exist in the world. What's really helped me with that is volunteering- I volunteer for seasonal events at a community centre near me (eg Christmas fundraisers), and I volunteer one or two Saturdays a month at a local park event. These things don't have to be big time commitments either! Here in Canada there's something called 'Big Sisters', where you're assigned a young woman going through a tough time, and once a month you meet up with them, go places, just generally act like a big sister. Perhaps something like that could help?

[@melaniemurphyofficial]

I have read a couple of comments mentioning volunteering and my therapist actually recommended the same…I told her how much I would love to visit old people (absolutely love old people! And so many of them are really lonely!) and then life got in the way with my Covid breakdown…but this might be the solution to my issue! I used to volunteer at an animal shelter years ago it was unbelievably rewarding 😭❤️

[@meganoxtoby]

Thank you for being so real and honest about the room mate stage ❤

[@rhoda3704]

Missed and enjoyed this form of content! Thank you, take care! 🌸 🌳

[@hurricaneflowers]

I love your videos so much, every video leave me with food for thoughts. I know that saying to youtubers that they are like older sisters can sound cliche, but i really feel like it when i listen to you. I am 5 years younger and it is nice to hear someone talking out loud about so many topics which bothering myself. You are one of the biggest reasons i decided to give therapy a go, i am very nervous, but excited about it, hopefully it will bring positive changes into my life!

[@camillaromano2205]

I LOVED this vid Mel ❤️

[@Hillary429]

You’ll get to help lots of people in person once the little ones are in school

[@bettinak.4]

Oh I love deep "chats" with Mel!!! ❤ I just want to say that your feelings are so common, I go through these emotions and doubts too, I'm so glad you talked about them. :) I'm religious and I understand every point you made, I wasn't in this place before, but I want to add that yes, spirituality is an internal and personal thing. That for me emodies the intimate relationship with Jesus and my creator. It's not an institution for me, it's a living intimate relationship. Religion for me is beautiful because it's not JUST a me thing, you can find the community you always longed for. And the best part is, that according to my believes the love and life and community will exist FOREVER and just the good parts will exist forever, no sickness, no death, no crimes.

[@carlasilva1774]

I wish I believed in God and I have been trying to find my faith for over a decade. Stories like yours give me hope, as you describe your faith as an intimate relationship with God instead of an institution. Your take on religion being an opportunity to find community is also lovely. Good luck on that beautiful journey :)

[@bettinak.4]

@@carlasilva1774 thank you for your kind words! I know it's hard to make the shift to become a believer, it's not something we can just decide on and do it. But I'm sure that it can happen, one day you don't believe in God and one day something just clicks and you FEEL it. Please don't give up, ask Him to show up. Maybe it will take another decade, but He never refuses anyone.

[@carlasilva1774]

​@@bettinak.4 I pray for that to happen, thank you so much for your kindness ❤

[@sila6122]

your videos always feel like chatting with an older sister ❤️ thank you

[@98love7]

Yep I have horrible neck pain from stress and anxiety built up over time 😢 glad I’m not alone! Also love your vulnerability and honesty abt roommate phases - this is life changing to hear for so many people you’re touching Mel!!! ❤

[@Safi-Dee]

I'm here at 37 not knowing if I should have a baby or not. I have to decide in the next few months and it's the hardest thing in the world. But I did want to mention that the "roommate phase" comes whether you have kids or not. Im with my partner for 7 years, and it just comes and goes. The main thing is we're best friends, we fancy each other and when you really do the thought experiment, there's noone else we'd want to be beside. I used to think sex needed to be a priority for connection, butthat was when I was so insecure that I thought if my partner didnt want me physically at all times they mustn't love me. I'm finally in a place where I realise the opposite is true. I think couples who stays together throughout sexless periods and can still find joy, and connection and work as a team are the luckiest, healthiest couples of all. The sex will be back!

[@mrsgingernoisette]

Omg I'm you! We are you guys! I felt it when you say how you thought about sex and connection.. I'm 35, 6 years with my partner, I was at that point not knowing I should have at least one baby or not. Having to decide was also weird because all I was hearing that I'm 35, maybe in 5 years it might be late, do I want it or not? In the end, I felt I wanted it. Today is the day I learnt about my pregnancy. But I totally felt without any children plans, there comes a phase you just "doing life'' daily together with the partner. I wish you ALL THE BEST IN LIFE, have a great one queen

[@mjneufeld9965]

Absolutely love videos like this. Your insight and honesty is much appreciated🤍

[@laurahughes4550]

I'm learning to drive now! I have my provisional and having lessons and my test is booked for the end of August. I don't have anyone to drive with me though so I'm paying through the nose for lessons but luckily I have a great driving instructor. I'm 34 too! It's a huge bucket list thing for me! Go get your full licence Mel!

[@surlespasdondine]

I knew I was done while pregnant with number 2. Really knew it. I feel blessed because it must be so hard not to know. All the best!

[@marloesk9753]

Oh god Mel I love you so much!

[@likaryder4396]

I loved it! Its like im in a car with my dear friend and we are talking about our lives. Thank you!

[@franziskamaaen9775]

Thank you very much for this video, the part about the roommate state really resonated with me, I hadn't heard the term before 😊

[@TheEpicPlace]

Oh wow also thank you for talking so healthily about your relationship..

[@Farfalleta763]

I love so much your looong chatty videos

[@shadenmasri]

Very proud of you Melanie!! I've been having a driving blockage as well, it's nice to watch you power through it 💚 You'd be a wonderful wellness coach I'm positive of it. I do feel like that industry requires online presence as well to promote your work, your learning, your perception of the world... I think I remember you once mentioned a few years back the need for a following for book writing as well. As for baby #3 you make very valid points, but it hurts my heart that parents as amazing as you and Thomas won't be having more kids 😭 I do feel like kids entertain each other and support each other as they get older though, that's how my siblings and I are, so the load you're imagining might be less as it gets divided between the kids as well 😊 Mom was the main support system for my older sister, and she was a big support to us younger siblings. Also, a pattern I'm seeing is that the third child is always adorable, strong, and incredibly funny 😉 Side note, sober Mel is pretty amazing in my eyes too, you sparkle Melanie 🥰 I love your positive outlook for the future too 🥹 I love that you quoted Rumi 🥹 you speak to my heart 💚

[@meme-hs5sm]

Your “doubt” about a third child because it could give yourself less time/attention with each child is valid, but as the youngest child in a big family I do have to say I have never ever thought about this. I receive/received so much love from my parents and siblings, and as a family unit. I can’t believe any child would compare the energy they receive versus what their siblings experience.

[@autieglow]

It definitely happens. Genuinely happy for you that that wasn’t a part of your experience, but it does happen.

[@refreshingtwist]

It's often the "baby" of the family that receives the most attention. Perhaps that is why you never had to think about this.

[@tkeks007]

I’m glad that worked out for you as the youngest, but as the oldest daughter myself, you can’t just ignore the fact that the older siblings often are being neglected and made to co-parent their siblings although they never asked for it. Ask your siblings once they’re adults how they feel about their likely parentification and emotional neglect down the line

[@May04bwu]

As a younger sibling, I did feel overlooked very much. Many children do. Many parents pick favourites, it's nothing unusual. In our family, it was my older brother who got more attention and special treatment by mom and every other extended family member, except for dad. After all, the stereotype is that the oldest sibling is overlooked and eventually blames the youngest sibling. It didn't come out of nowhere.

[@lauradelaney5457]

As a middle child, I can wholeheartedly say that my experience of growing up was absolutely worlds apart from my eldest brother (insanely intelligent, nerdy, not rebellious, quiet and a “good boy”) and my younger sister (13 year age gap so that says it all really.) I was overlooked the entirety of my childhood/adolescence. Always compared to my brother and his grades etc and then having to be a second mother to my sister. Both my parents have since realised this through family counselling and have apologised for it.

[@lauriewromar5478]

This video was incredibly eye opening to me. I relate to you on so many levels Melanie. Always have. But holy smokes- I never really thought about the extrovert/introvert aspect of being a stay at home mom. I am an introvert to the fullest. All the things you crave, is what I hated about having a job outside of the home. I do crave alone time conversations with my husband, and all the free time the two of us used to share prior to baby. I massively crave alone time simply by myself. You crave the social interaction as much as I desire to avoid it. It must be hard. Being almost a decade above you in age, I love hearing you talk about the realization of trying to enjoy this moment. I will never be this young again as I am right now. . . . Yet I don’t feel very young. And I certainly don’t feel like I’ve got my life in order. I tell ya though- I never forget to enjoy every second of these innocent years. Zero to 5. When they still love every moment of being with you. There is still wonder in every moment. And the bond, attachment, and foundation of love, is being formed and written in stone on our young ones being. You don’t get those years back. Raising your own young, while they are young, is the most fulfilling thing. The relief I feel being blessed enough to do so, is palpable. I liked this video. Thanks for this conversation.

[@surlespasdondine]

We wanted to visit some places as a couple but didn't get to and then went with our kids instead which made it sooo special! Now I'm glad

[@nursemallorey]

You talking about driving was so helpful. My son (4 months younger than your baby) hated the car too (he kind of still does). I got into an almost fatal car accident (distracted driver) with my little guy in the car 4 months ago and it’s been a nightmare getting myself to drive again. ❤ Love your channel.

[@fallbackin16]

100% agree on your religious/spiritual views! But ALSO, you spoke my feelings so well, I’ve really been struggling with the stonewalling and I thought it was just a me problem. I related a lot to the resentment in the relationship despite knowing the logic. I started crying when you spoke about telling your partner you miss them. I do believe it’s very hard but I think the communication that comes from those hard moments make your relationship stronger. I love this video, thank you!

[@emmafuggetta8719]

One of my favourites so far God knows how much I needed some Mel wisdom today thank you ♥

[@Laurinhabrantes]

I'm so happy following you for so long. I'm in somewhat the same place. I have the perfect husband (for me), going very well in my full time career, pregnant with baby number 2. Is everything i ever wanted. So much happiness ❤

[@brihannonstrathern8801]

But Mel...you are somewhat doing your 'daydreamer job'. I'd never heard of Wim Hoff before you mentioned him - your opinions and outlook on life is so healthy and pure and realistic and honest, your so truthful about your past and your trauma and you don't kid yourself, you laugh at yourself in a nurturing way, you've clearly worked so so SO hard at building a good relationship with your past, present and future self and that inspires all of us to do the same...if that's not the job of a wellness coach I don't know what is ❤ You don't have to abandon this, ofcourse if you ever ultimately feel that that is what you need to do then ofcourse you should do it but perhaps you could work some more of this wellness coaching into your channel if you were looking for a bit of a change? Whatever you decide we're behind you all the way ❤

[@franziloveskekse]

Dear Melanie, even if you decide to quit youtube or social media one day, you're voice will always stay with us through your books. At least that's how i feel. ❤

[@muriel612]

Can we have ten more parts please I adore this 😭❤️

[@elizabethpink]

If I ever meet you in person, Mel, I want to give you the biggest, longest, warmest hug you could possibly tolerate, luv! I hope you're doing much better after the health scare and that you're learning to not carry so much stress. And for feck's sake, stop being such a perfectionist and making your life more difficult than it needs to be! 🤣💚