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#benzowithdrawal #healing #deprescribing
To learn more about Angie Peacock, MSW or to book a consultation or coaching session, visit: www.angiepeacock.com
I was prescribed an SSRI antidepressant in 2011 after I lost my job and felt depressed. I never needed it. I could have never imagined that taking it would become the biggest regret of my life. The drug "worked" for the first couple of years in that I did not experience depressive feelings anymore or any anxiety either, really. I felt invincible, although I developed side effects like weight gain, sexual dysfunction, and further down the road, a severe drinking problem, which I didn't find out until much later can be a side effect of these drugs.
Fast forward to April 2018...I ran into financial hardship and needed to cut out every expense that wasn't life or death. I didn't feel like the drug was making me feel as well as it had in the early years so I talked to my doctor about tapering. He tapered me in 4 weeks after 7 years of use. I quickly developed symptoms after stopping the drug, but never attributed it to a withdrawal syndrome, since I didn't know one existed for antidepressants.
I suffered from physical and mental symptoms for 2.5 years and decided I must just be mentally ill, even though I wasn't mentally ill before taking the drugs. I reinstated my antidepressant at a very low dose in October 2020. I developed akathisia. Then I was polydrugged on more antidepressants, antipsychotics, and eventually a Benzo. The Benzo was the only drug that helped, everything else made my symptoms worse. Then, after 3 weeks of daily Benzo use, I developed paradoxical reactions to it.
I was in and out of the hospital at this point with extreme mental torment, akathisia and full-body involuntary movements, as well as a laundry list of other symptoms. I of course was put in the psych ward, where they attempted to give me even more drugs than the 8 I had already tried. I finally realized the drugs were the problem all along, so I left the hospital completely unmedicated and decided I would recover from this hell no matter what.
After months of debilitating suffering, I finally found doctors who properly diagnosed me with benzo withdrawal, akathisia and an involuntary movement disorder. I was placed on disability and I spent the majority of my time taking the best care of myself that I possibly could, avoiding any and all pharmaceuticals, resting when possible and forming a tight-knit video chat support group with other sufferers. I got pregnant at 7 months off, after having less than a 5% chance of conceiving naturally. My daughter gave me the desire to fight for my life even more. At 21 months off, I started to see the light and my suffering slowly began to decrease. I am now 30 months off, working again part-time, being a Mom full time and sharing my story with others to give them hope when it seems like there is none. If I can save even one person from this nightmare, it's all worth it.
You can learn more about Melissa and her story on her KZbin Channel: / @melissadawncoaching