9 Signs Your Partner Doesn't Respect You | Mel Robbins

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When you get into a relationship, it's easy to dismiss the little rude or negative things that can happen as one offs and make excuses for them.
But you NEED to start calling out these 9 disrespectful behaviors that your partner might be engaging in.
These behaviors are real red flags when they go unaddressed.
In this video, I'll explain what makes a healthy relationship, what these 9 disrespectful behaviors are and how to address them with your partner.
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[@jodipower5791]

I’m 62 and I’m so done dealing with my husband and his stone walling me or calling me a B..ch or flipping me off. This is the year that I leave, and Not come back . I so hope and pray I can make it on my own. I think it’ll be great! My part time job will be a full time job. I’m so looking forward to being happy after 30 years. 🙏🏻❤️🌻

[@franksimmons9242]

I can relate was married for 20 years been divorced over 10. The abusive x assured me I could not make it outside that toxic relationship. Absolutely not true. All the cognitive dissonance and crazy making naturally subsides. We recover any material losses and heal emotionally. The real bonus is we no longer have to spend all our conscious time trying to figure these people out. Instead of black and white we live life in 3D now.

[@oncetwice5942]

I’m being stonewalled rn and it’s killing me.

[@franksimmons9242]

@@oncetwice5942 that's always sad to hear hang in there.

[@brightpage1020]

Don’t waste 1 more minute - not 1 more second than you absolutely have to. Stay well and garner support so you can stay strong in the face of the separation. Stay safe. If it’s been this long, they take for granted that you won’t support your boundaries.

[@lanitaaltom3224]

My husband of 14 years has just divorced me....me kicking screaming begging and crying for him NOT to do this to us. I have loved him so so much. I have tried so hard. I can see where i even have self sabatoged because i always knew he wouldnt stick with it. But i was in such a horrible first marriage (19yrs) that i only wanted a man who was KIND! Not rich, good looking etc...just kind and of course...loved me. I first discovered Narcissism due to mine and my mother's problems. It was like a light bulb turned on because she and I had the strangest relationship and I could not put my finger on it. I never even let my head go to my marriage having this issue. It was way too much to come to terms with. But WOW he has been text book narc killing me for quite awhile. I have always felt like a little girl saying "mommy watch me dance. Aint i pretty? Arent you proud of me? Dont you love me?" I was doing the exact same with both marriages. I have 2 sons...i tend to stay out of their life more than i want to because my mother has been in mine and destroyed ...or almost did...me. i love my 2 sons so much. I feel loved by them but they dont take me seriously. I feel like they have no idea what it has been like. And they really do not like "drama" when i try to explain it. Im still in the marital home...his home...because i do not even know how to start again or where to go. No job either. He drives OTR so i didnt know why he insisted on the paperwork. Hasnt thrown me out yet. Sex life has been and still is the best its ever been ...for him too. Its crazy. Im ready to leave. I will SURVIVE! I love the Lord and I still look pretty good for 59. Thanks to who ever reads this. Love you all....whomever you are!

[@geminimonroe8961]

“Ignore what they say and watch how they act”. This is priceless.

[@Thomsonyte]

Acts speak louder than words

[@bootyqueen4651]

That particular advice spoke volumes to me too. People who procrastinate but don't follow through are very difficult to believe in and trust. Very difficult if you have a partner who does this, especially if they have betrayed you !

[@Shotzcf]

well isn't that stone walling too?

[@ninarodriguez8517]

@@Shotzcf no. They don't mean ignore them completely and be unresponsive. Just don't fall for their "loving/caring" words. It's just meant to confuse you and keep you with them. But their actions are always going to be truer than the things they say.

[@jenamirgholi6004]

right

[@pennymilliken7456]

I was married for 32 yrs. I'm also 62, and leaving was the best thing I ever did!

[@healthworxwithjenny]

I was married 30, we're happier apart now

[@connecticut730]

​@@healthworxwithjenny and your children?

[@gidgetharris9513]

I wish I was able to do that. I want out. I was making plans but when he found Lund he quit his job. He's the sole bread winner because I'm disabled, so now we can't afford to.😢😢😢😢

[@hannahc.3302]

@@connecticut730 IF they had children, I'm sure they are grown by now and would rather their parent be happy.

[@bassman6692]

NUMBER 8 led to this comment: I have to say that the silent treatment in my case was done because of years of being unable to be vulnerable with my spouse. EVERY time I brought up a hurt it was turned back onto me. If there ever was and apology it was an angry apology and she would give me the silent treatment afterwards. I stopped be vulnerable which led to the “silent treatment”. I was done becoming vulnerable and having it thrown back into my face. Destroyed my mental health. I don’t feel guilty about it.

[@illi6188]

That is not silent treatment, I think. It's just a way to survive for you. I believe you do more doing the "Gray rock". A way to protect yourself.

[@rebeccagibbs3652]

The silence teaches you how being alone feels. So when you are alone, it isn't nearly as painful. But the person making you feel that loneliness doesn't realize that they are helping you to be comfortable in their absence.

[@samcarosella1380]

Wow , so true. My ex of eight years would give me the silent treatment often. There were times where I wanted it to end but it was a tiny idea in the back of my head that I couldn’t fully think of yet

[@seblegetachew983]

It is true!!!

[@lindagirl1140]

Oh, so very, very true!

[@T0m0zuki]

True. But you achieve that after some time being in a toxic relationship. Before it only makes you feel worse because you are a happy person and you want to reconnect, but you don't know what you did wrong, replaying all the scenarios over and over again.

[@SippenSomeTea]

100%

[@TheMothernerd]

Without respect, there can be no love.

[@emilyfarris3510]

TRUTH.💯

[@adaywithdeva]

very true ❤

[@ssingleton6530]

What’s love got to do with it?

[@albsureinc23]

100%

[@strawberryme08]

And not feeling safe you can’t grow love

[@mijadelsol]

sometimes silence comes from shock, when such unbelievable, insane, hurtful behaviors are happening and you don’t know how to react you can’t react because the situation is too insane and to say that selfish is not an expensive view. Not everyone is silent because they’re manipulating. sometimes they’re silent because they’re scared. They’re traumatized. They’re in disbelief. It’s an intrinsic instinct of feeling unsafe, that words will entangle you even deeper in a scary situation, that you no longer want to be a part of .

[@londonqueen6210]

Perfectly said

[@user-ze8fv7lu2j]

That’s exactly what is happening to me!!

[@dmee4438]

you have to know the "context" of the situation because withdrawing and giving someone the silent treatment can be from like you said, their inability to communicate, ignoring your opinions and invalidating you, making you the problem. I mean what do you do or say to that person? NOTHING, THEREFORE THE SILENCE. Therapist, you should make this distinction in your videos. Also, its not snooping if you are trying to find out what is going on in your marriage/relationship and why people are acting in a certain way that is causing harm to you and the relationship.

[@debrarisberg8588]

I relate to this. I am afraid to try to talk for fear of being attacked again.

[@lesleycarr4077]

Exactly! Perfectly said!

[@porky552]

After 55 yrs of marriage I can say that marriage is the loneliest place I have ever lived. I’m hoping if I endure to the end, perhaps the next life will be better.

[@Chrissy856]

🙏🏼😔

[@LS-fp2gv]

Was always afraid I would go from single to zero in marriage and I did 😢

[@karenc1733]

I agree

[@Jo44990]

As an almost 31 yo who struggles with finding love I really needed to read this...marriage does not always end loneliness I'm better off alone than with someone who invalidates how I feel I'd rather end up alone and childless than with a toxic man

[@EMC1721]

I read this and it really hit me hard! I am 26 and have been married to the same man for almost 9. It started out great, and then of course life happened. He is going back to work and blames me for it every day, even though it was HIS idea. He says I need a "lesson" as to how much he does when I do appreciate everything he does for our kids and for me. (I will be staying home with the kids and working. Mind you I work overnights and I won't sleep much when he goes back. My MIL will help but she is getting older and has breast cancer so often is tired.) We had a recent argument where I tried a different approach and was silent for 2 days. We ended up arguing again and then talking through things but a few days will do by good and then BOOM, it goes back to square 1 and I feel like my feelings or the things I tell him don't matter. It's a long story and it's too much to type but I think you may understand. I just don't want to live my my life like this where I could possibly be loved the way I want to and feel appreciated. I have killed myself trying to be successful and get to where I want to be financially for my family but I feel like he doesn't appreciate it. He always says "you are where you are because of me" He has done a lot for me but I didn't ask for it and he throws it in my face. I hate it, I am scared to leave and I don't want my young children to have a broken family. It's HARD! God bless you and I hope one day you can be happy before the next life! Praying for you ❤

[@saira4847]

Watching this with tears rolling down my cheeks. This sh*t hurts like hell. Thinking of all of us who had to go through this hell and find the exit sign.

[@skwarepeg1068]

After I was *finally* able to get myself to leave, the longer I was away, the more I realized just how much those behaviors changed and harmed me. It was subtle sometimes and big others, but he always denied it, and I felt crazy and lost all trust in myself of knowing what was right in front of me. I couldn’t have imagined how free and happy I would be without him!

[@johndrennen1336]

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

[@slgreetings]

♥️ it’s a nightmare for sure… I did it for 2, 15 year relationships😵‍💫 an 8 year that literally brought me to my knees, excruciating agony with all the horrible tactics of gaslighting, put downs, push pull, screaming then loving, hateful glares, cheating… the silent treatment destroyed me!!! Horrible 😖omg I thought I was going to die… it took me years to heal… but education, and no contact!!! It works because it clears the fog, as time goes by without their evil energy inside you, you become you again, and you can see clearly! You have Aha moments of such clarity! And you never want to go back and feel that pain again!! Even if you miss them, the relief of not having to feel the emotional agony is worth not being with them…I’m doing great now, finally, and I’m so educated with this… you’ll get better love ❤️ I promise!!!!!!!!💥🙏🏻💖

[@saira4847]

@@slgreetings Hi Mary. Firstly I am so proud of you that you found the exit sign and shared your story with us. I'm happy to hear how someone's doing on the other side of this pain. And I'm sorry to hear how much you had to endure..no one...no one deserves to go through this. Kudos to all of us who keep on keeping on 👏👏👏

[@lisaposey2909]

I love this video

[@stoptheinsanity]

Lying is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship. It makes you question everything.

[@joesephknoettgen3551]

I just wanted to say,,when You feel that Your partner has lied to You,,they are basically saying Your not really important,,or worth their time.

[@brendaengelbrecht5670]

Lying was the one thing I never thought I would have to face when I met my ex. To hear him talk to his mother and realize I was not like his ex, I just never thought it would, or could, happen. Then to find it so prominent after getting married, not only lying but cheating as well, prompted me to question so many things I felt I should have and didn't. How could I be so naive?? For 19 years I doubted most of what he told me. Many times, he was being truthful but I couldn't give him credit due to the history and the continuation of his sometimes lies. How can I get over this? I feel as though I am being lied to by those I meet and try to start again, or there is an ulterior motive. This really sucks. I don't want to "assume" it will happen but I do.

[@diddlywan1811]

Being called a liar when your not lying doesn’t help either. But you can never trust anything after an obvious lie. Always makes me wonder.

[@hasensaurus]

@@brendaengelbrecht5670 he lies because he's afraid of you. that's the problem. in the past, you have been harsh on him for making mistakes and since then, he is not willing to submit himself again to your judgement. he cheats on you because you're not the woman he wants to be with, deep down. You are in his life because he needs to fix some issues with other people from his past that behaved like you do. But you are not the person he feels happy too or he may believe he doesn't deserve you so he's sabotaging his own relationship.

[@camasprairie1369]

Sometimes when I know someone is lying , I don’t want to always talk to them. Why would I want to listen to more lies?

[@goldengirl1168]

The silent treatment can also be because you express your feelings and they continue to be shot down and not taken seriously by your partner. So you then just put up your walls and decide to disengage to protect yourself .

[@paulmess07]

Exactly 💯!!! You give up voicing your opinion/feelings and it falls on dead ears. Why even proceed to repeat yourself like a parrot. For example, you ask them for respect and they constantly disrespect you... Walk away and give yourself peace!

[@emmarae4322]

It’s self preservation because there is NO winning with them. You are always the problem.😢

[@user-mo9nh2lv4f]

Or you could learn to reword it or maybe change the tone to a calm chilled tone

[@blackeneddove]

@@user-mo9nh2lv4fand if it is a calm and chilled tone? If you express that you feel lonely and would like to spend more time with them and need more attention, but they tell you no you don’t? “You wouldn’t like it if it gave you more attention.” And you have tried for 18 years?

[@v.p.r.719]

Exactly-

[@luceymajor]

The silent treatment can also be from feeling exhausted to the point where you don't even know what to say anymore.

[@Tarienidu1]

That is just stepping back and being quiet for a while, isn't it normal to not talk when you don't have anything to say?

[@mandylhdoubleo5188]

@@Tarienidu1I tried talking and my husband would get defensive and would punch walls or sometimes push me around or threaten to hit me.

[@JB-yq9bn]

The silent treatment may be the only effective communication. When 1 party cant acknowldge any responsability in a situations why go thru a conversation that cant go anywhere.

[@brandieschmitt8974]

Then you communicate that. The silent treatment is abusive period!!!!!!

[@Chrissy856]

​@Tarienidu1 Yes, it's normal for maybe a couple of hours. But for 2-3 days, it's totally not. Now they're using the silent treatment as a form of punishment & that's emotional abuse.

[@lavernevictoriacarol4531]

What really sucks is when you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t, ALWAYS being blamed for whatever happened or didn’t happen. You cannot win with these people who are not honest with themselves about their own issues, all the while brining out the worst in you.

[@ebonid2398]

I’m dealing with this right now😢

[@dawnbrown9167]

Yes being treated with no respect on a day to day and weekly basis made me feel worthless and turned me moody and growchy..I will never put up with coming second ever !

[@natalieanna6083]

Can relate to that! 😢 When they constantly blame you for things, you often find a pattern. They look for a scapegoat for their own failures! So, blaming the other person somehow absolves then of any responsibility on their part. It shows a complete lack of maturity and consideration towards you. Just walk out of the room whenever they walk in. Don’t engage in conversation unless it’s absolutely essential.

[@lavernevictoriacarol4531]

Unfortunately, I was raised by one narc parent (who really ‘narced’ on my step-parent pretty badly) and my birth parent is an over-the-top narc. I have known nothing else my whole life and the learned dysfunction has seen me in two failed narc marriages (and a third that I am still in after 28 years). A whole life of this has rendered me physically and mentally disabled, emotionally and socially stunted due to all the physical and psychological abuse. As my therapist says, I/you deserve to be happy but I don’t know what happy looks like for me. If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be - listen to the soft voice telling you that things aren’t right, stop blaming yourself and forgive yourself because you tried to resist the narc, get out / stay away and get help NOW. You/we are worth the effort.

[@cherylmccoy660]

Laverne Victoria...you are describing a narcissist. Please listen to The Royal We, Dr. Les Carter, Dr, Ramani, and Mental Healness all on KZbin

[@johnquinn6764]

Also when your partner is addicted to social media and constantly on their phones , at meal times, in bed , When your talking to them and they ignore you because they have their head in their phones It’s a marriage killer

[@EarthlyOrganic]

Facts

[@diniedreyer]

When I have to WApp him to get an answer for everyday things...

[@stephanies7013]

Thats a sure sign your partner feels you have nothing worthy to say….

[@rebecca8866]

Deadass so true. My partner does this to me and has for the past 6 years no matter how many times I've told him it hurts me. He won't even look at me when I tell him this shit. He just looks at his fucking phone! He even admitted to me that he's a addicted to it. It hurts me so much. It's killing our relationship. I don't think I can continue it further.

[@moniquemurphy4851]

Yes!

[@bratty6194]

Try to use these tips while in a relationship to hold yourself accountable as well. We are not all perfect in relationships and I’m sure everyone listening to this saying that this is happening to them is also doing some of these things. Relationships take a lot of work!

[@jeffward24]

Well said. I was thinking the same thing. Of all of the people pointing fingers, I'm Certain that their significant other would tick boxes for their experience with them too. LOL Have a nice day.

[@dmkuchins6646]

What works best is when all parties are open to admitting they've made these errors and making changes, all parties are free to raise the issue when feel disrespected. This includes children, who can be taught far more functional ways of relating than is usually done at present.

[@honeyfurfarm2182]

Totally agree, I have a really bad habit of minimizing situations or deflecting (basically lying) because when I was younger any issues that arose with school etc I was punished in ways that were crazy ridiculous compared to what had actually happened. Lying and hiding stuff kept me safe at the time from my mother, even if I did tell the truth she wouldn't believe me. It's really hard to finally realize how much it's affecting my work and adult relationships. If anything could result in an issue I'll hide it and try and fix it to basically cover it up or I'll minimize it Instead of being honest. It's really hard to unprogram this stuff and I've been working hard on it in therapy.

[@cilaptrcili2429]

yes it takes two persons but when one is not trying but have all the demands its bad its hard.

[@LS-er7pf]

Coercive behaviour is another form of trauma to a person - and it is shocking to read how many people become entrapped by it hoping the other person will improve, but they never do.

[@Jay-iw4gg]

That's me. 8 years in and now I'm trapped. No friends, no family, no money, no job, no education, no skills. No children and this douche bag told me I'm not even wife material. I am taking a secret online class. I'll be out by this time next year. I hope. It's Feb '24. I pray I'm out by then.

[@Elsie144k]

This stuff should be taught in school. So sad that some of us don’t even realize when we are being disrespected:(

[@jenniferredman3565]

Agree

[@CareBear-og6pe]

Read my comment above. You’re correct.

[@cohay6248]

Parents, grandparents ... should be teaching this to their teenagers ...

[@Sabertooth2121]

you know what, i wholeheartedly agree. it’s sad how many parents fail to teach their kids respect for others (and for themselves!) and this would help prevent a lot of bad relationships and in turn prevent a lot of unplanned babies where the parents can’t teach them basic respect such as this

[@Sabertooth2121]

@@cohay6248 key word “should”

[@dreamingwithtess2004]

This should be taught in communication and self development classes in high schools.

[@wendyhannan2454]

I agree, what a great tool to have in choosing the right partner. Knowing these things at a young age would prevent a lot of heartache.

[@ConstanceCRWhite]

114w

[@belindawarren226]

I agree. All of these things remind me of all the ways my friends and their partners in high school acted towards each other. What a great class this would be

[@dohnutz8452]

Starting at birth!

[@joynkindness]

Use to be in health classes before 1990. M arr

[@user-um1bk8fu7p]

We have been together 15 years and 8 years ago it changed, he stopped talking to me, my 39 year old son son passed away last year , he had no illness so it was a massive shock and still to this day he has not put his arms around me not said “I’m sorry”, he doesn’t even sit in the same room as me and it’s my house . I’m so so lonely and still suffering from depression, I’m 62 and he is 64

[@doryknits6741]

File for divorce and serve him with eviction notice. If he loved you, he would be there for you while you’re grieving, supporting you and helping you emotionally. You are still young enough to enjoy your life and heal from his abuse.

[@benellis5646]

What if your silent treatment is not a way to manipulate their partner, but through numerous failed attempts have come to the conclusion that talking to you about the issues is not working?

[@gray5828]

I agree, its not as simple as that. There's often also a response to BS from partners when it's so bad that you have to cut off the noise abruptly because you can't think clearly/rationally when you allow them to talk to you - like when there is gaslighting/lying.

[@salomeyul]

I have no regrets when I say that I went through that person's phone and emails to find some sense of reality and break free from the gaslighting and abuse. By seeing all the crap they were hiding from me, the cheating, the lies, the way they were referring to me to others, I was finally able to leave and of course I went straight to therapy. But going through your partner's private stuff is sometimes your only window to seeing who they actually are, and your only chance to make an informed decision.

[@kTorres007]

God Bless you. That is Truth. I'm unwinding the same things. And this person denies what's clear in black and white

[@dawnbrown9167]

Totally agree, it breaks your heart but it shows them for their true self. Sending flirty messages to other women shows what a plater they are

[@rosamacias6383]

I agree. I did the same thing and my partner immediately became the victim when I found out about his lies. I am glad I went snooping. My eyes opened.

[@herrapelaajatm5127]

When I went trough my GF messages. I already had lot of other proof that I am being played and lied to. Our shared friends told me that there is something weird in the way my GF was talking about me behind my back and also what I told my friends about the relationship status they were hearing very different kind of picture from my GF storys about our life. There was long chats with a friend about me on the phone where my GF spoke so badly about me and literally tought I was just stupid or something. I will say that I was so sure about the fact that she was playing me so that gave me the motive to check so I also wanted to keep my psyche in check that in the future I do not need to see messages. I will know if I am in the same situation in future without ever going so far and checking the messages. I also understand that in most situation it is very wrong to go check those messages. This was just an exception for me and I am glad I did it. I do not recommend going to check unless you just want to see with your own eyes and avoid the fight and just leave this toxic situation.

[@Tyndalic]

I saw on my exes laptop 💻 and he messaged a lot of women. He even had pictures of him and her!

[@publicserviceannouncement4777]

I think there's a big difference between the silent treatment and knowing when to walk away from a non-productive discussion. If the other person is interrupting, minimizing, diverting, acting immature, etc. I usually stop talking and/or set a boundary.

[@kathryngracey7993]

Yes! You are perfectly right. Actually, I prefer that the narcissisist give me the silent treatment rather than when he blathers on and on like a prosecuting attorney, ( bad ) news broadcaster, gossip columnist etc.

[@JanetSmith900]

But if this is the norm in the relationship and issues go unresolved, it's toxic. If it's a tool that lets you cool off so you can resolve it later, that's different.

[@sarahb1862]

@@JanetSmith900 Read the comment again. "If the other person is interrupting, minimizing, diverting, acting immature, etc. I usually stop talking and/or set a boundary." it is not up to one person to carry the entire relationship and keep resolving on behalf of their partner.

[@windysmith7367]

They want you to walk away. That’s usually why they do it. Even if you set a boundary the issue may never get resolved because they have learned their toxic behavior gets them what they want.

[@pjpredhomme7699]

yeah i could be guilty of the silent treatment - but not as some tactic - it is more a matter of being fearful of what I might say in response and so the better choice is to refrain .

[@msshank8685]

I was with someone with almost all these signs !! This is per evil !! Prayer is what set me free and thank you for the video this is so much confirmation needed ❤

[@Trueblue222]

You’ve just described my narcissistic wife. The only thing you left out was her physical description ! I’ve seen all of those behaviours.

[@emeljurd3231]

Took me 19 years to get away from this behaviour. So glad I finally did! Every day is a blessing now, rather than a confusing, distressing, undermining, lonely, exhausting manipulation.

[@melodienaber3238]

God bless you 🙏

[@Chris-0113]

You're a beautiful woman. You deserve so much more and can definitely do better.

[@neusaleek7673]

Funny that it took me exactly 19 years to find the exit sign, and unfortunately another 15 to understand that I wasn’t the problem and now I just feel that it is too late to start again because I am 56 years . I just feel like I wasted my life away, and I feel lonely too as my children are grown ups and too busy with their own lives 🥺 Edited for typos

[@leahwilliams3618]

@@neusaleek7673 that's such a hard place to be in. Those feelings can be overwhelming. I'm so sorry that you've gone through that.

[@cherierobinson8713]

@@neusaleek7673 56 or any age isn’t too late! I’m 75 and I’m seeing the signs in this new marriage of 14 months that we are not only “oil and water@- we don’t mix well. I remember after a few months of knowing him he stood me up on my birthday- huge red flag! I should have cut any relationship Hope’s off right then. I , stupidly forgave, overlooked that horrible behavior and the next year married him. What a huge mistake! Old bachelors don’t change they just drive you crazy and you want to die. If you have a way to live apart- don’t waste your life. 56 and is a great age, or any age is great to f you can walk away and believe me they’ll find some other woman really fast to replace you. You weren’t special, just a place holder to fill in the cracks when they had a little time for you. Have a support system of people, churches have free counseling sessions that are really good, imagine your life without being with him. Then, while you get a job, find a place to stay, maybe sign up for a college class- great for keeping your mind busy and begin to stone by stone build your new life without him. In a year of wise, methodical planning with action you’ll see your standing up for yourself and you’ll be proud. After you’ve made your way with standing firm into a healthy life- you can encourage others to get healthy lives.JESUS wants you to love yourself.

[@jimenaverdaguer5858]

1. They lie to you 2. They give you the silent treatment 3. They use your insecurities against you 4. No name calling 5. They interrupt when you are talking 6. They are controlling or crazy jealous 7. They make big decisions without you 8. Your partner tells you how you are supposed to feel or they ignore your feelings 9. Your partner ignores your boundaries

[@dianakroenke4013]

Sounds like my life story

[@fjj310]

These are the same signs when dealing with a narcissist, gaslighter, controlling/ toxic personality or sociopath.

[@ThePossumone]

Mine does all of these 😅

[@Charlotte-rb8kc]

Definition of a narcissist!

[@jokemoke3727]

You wannna hear something, is met another level of narccist. She did none of this. She lied and ignored boundaries cause we were in a long distance relationship

[@PeaceMeBish]

It’s important to be super cautious with them agreeing to go to therapy. It has to be because they WANT to go and truly feel the need to change their behaviour in order to better themselves NO MATTER the outcome of the relationship. If they say anything along the lines of going because you said they should or in order to salvage the relationship, that’s a RED FLAG. 🚩

[@louisaklimentos7583]

Abusive partners who threaten you have no respect for you .You are amazing and have stated very good points .

[@hahanicnic818]

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

[@Maxhindle]

You deserve to be with someone who has complete respect for you (your soul mate)… the relationships that work longest aren’t the ones who never argue, but those who learn to communicate effectively when arguing! 🙏🏽❤️

[@sergiosolanas8143]

El día que por fin os deis por enterados que no se inglés será increíble a vosotros se os dicen las cosas y os entra por un oído y sale por otro a y dad por echo que no voy a estar nunca ni en el mimo continente que tú y quien os haya dicho que yo voy a ir a usa o nada parecido os mentía sabiéndolo porque nunca pisaré otro país que al que pertenezco españa

[@sergiosolanas8143]

No es una idea adsurda si no es Mel quien se niega lo hago yo solo falta que les ronpais el amor que se tenga yo solo me enamore una vez pero de una forma profunda y se que no volveré a sentir algo tan fuerte nunca por eso no me he molestado en buscar pareja eso es imposible que suceda dos veces en la vida ya es difícil una pero me basta para toda la vida no necesito más y no voy a ir allí son simplemente echos es loque pasara

[@doyleadderley8963]

,zzzzz : ! !!!

[@jasonrichard7560]

Doesn't matter culture nor religion nor political views most seek comfort and support to also comfort and support as the relationship and persons progress into something better than what it began (prenups especially with no fault divorce)

[@CindyLJay]

@@jasonrichard7560 EXACTLY Sir, You hit that SPOT ON For me Anyways.....

[@Lilbitatatime]

I'm actually watching this to be sure I'm not being the person we are talking about. Much love and growth to you all. ❤️

[@seapeajones]

Same.

[@lowriderlandon4377]

I think since your watching this,is a good sign.

[@cynthiabontreger285]

That's why I'm struggling to leave... am I the problem? My mind is so screwed up and confused 😕

[@jen7973]

100% sameeee!!!!

[@hopegardens]

Me too. But I'm not. Him 9/9. Me 1/9. Yes, I stay silent when the fight is picked. So he says I'm giving the silent treatment. In reality, I'm terrified. Been hit enough.

[@carieyoung1111]

Great video Mel- exactly why all my marriages failed…the respect was nonexistent! I didn’t see this till we were married - all 3 were narcissists- I’ve since healed my own trauma from my own childhood so I can now make sure I don’t settle for this behavior or look over red flags. I’ve found a healthy relationship after my last failed marriage because I did a lot of healing, therapy and self reflection from my traumatic childhood experiences…I’m a 6 figure extremely successful woman who owns their own business- anyone can have bad relationships! Work on what you can control and walk away from anything that doesn’t feel like a good place for you!!

[@mstadpole7726]

It’s took me 5 years of therapy to even consider the idea my ex husband of 10 years was abusing me with narcissistic tactics. I thought we could always keep a friendship. After 7 years apart, it’s just not possible where I have taken steps to heal and understand my PTSD, but he still acts immature and childish. No contact was the only resolution to say to him. I am DONE and have a nice life without ME. I chose my value, independence and autonomy. I never needed that toxicity in my life, but everything you mentioned I had experienced with him. There was no true love from him. I was his servant to do his cooking, cleaning, then someone he could bully and tear down emotionally.

[@sandrathornton1128]

Taking responsibility for one’s own self respect is true emotional awareness

[@kiwik2951]

Absolutely. Not until you love and respect yourself can you ever live and respect another person.

[@yankee2666]

What does that mean?

[@hahanicnic818]

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

[@janellachavez8667]

I used to give the silent treatment because I was afraid to answer any questions that he would ask. My answers were always wrong. I would get flustered. It became my protection from the gas lighting and narcisstic behaviour.

[@frankievalentine6112]

That is totally different and wish Mel had covered that distinction. Distancing yourself to protect from harmful behavior is not "the silent treatment."

[@maryhogan5487]

So often the silen treatment is the result of abuse and intimidation. the talk about the silent treatment here is way off base. create an environment of non judgement and this defense mechanism will open up like a flower. this person has probably hit this wall too many times and is being used as bait. therefore the silence. no trust in the reaction. too many times this person needs desparately to be able to open up but has been shut down by some circumstance or needs time and patience in order to feel through their feelings. bad advice here

[@juliepage3556]

Yes! Me too!

[@skwarepeg1068]

@@maryhogan5487 That isn’t the silent treatment. The silent treatment is using silence as a weapon and refusing to talk. The intent is to “punish” the other person.

[@sherrypiper8510]

@@maryhogan5487 PERFECTLY said! It is so frustrating to be accused of giving the silent treatment when that's not what you're doing AT ALL!!! You have to protect yourself from the backlash and manipulation.

[@xxbatflowerxx]

I am going to listen to this every week to remind myself that my ex partner was guilty of 3, 5, and 8, and I was constantly having my feelings dismissed and ignored but then also he would blame me for all the problems in our relationship. Setting boundaries made me a problem and he kicked me to the curb when I set them.

[@willowmoon5063]

I've been telling him for years that his actions don't coincide with his words. Forget communicating and intimacy. I know its over it's just getting my self set so i get back on my feet. Loneliest feeling is being in a marriage just waiting for a crumb.

[@frederikewedemeier5126]

1. They keep lying to you, 2. Partner gives you the silent treatment, 3. using your insecurities against you, 4. call your partner names, 5. They always interrupt when you are talking, 6. your partner wont allow you to have independence or privacy, 7. They make big decisions without you, 8. constantly tell you how you supposed to feel instead of validating your feelings, 9. partner ignores your boundaries

[@rit20095]

So true

[@edyacheraii4279]

Buying heat for the house is a big decision shouldn’t have to talk about it!! Needs to be done or your going to freeze

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

No contact ❤

[@BearBuilder89]

If you wanted independence you should have stayed single you got in to a relationship not even knowing it's a partnership a relationship means two people becoming one maybe before criticizing ur partner maybe be honest with your self and be like hey I didn't know that these expectations were expected ina partner ship aka a relationship I don't know I'm not saying your one hundred percent wrong maybe you should do some research and talk to people you can trust and be honest with ur self and ur other half yeah I don't know why you are or were ever in a relationship if u wanted independence you shouldn't have agreed to a relationship I mean I get u have to be self sufficient but independent means without anyone elses input or help just saying good luck to you

[@spanks6947]

I think 1-8 well you have to cross boundries in order for 1 through 8 to occur. Not criticizing just trying to frame it, out loud in writing that way so I can better remember it. 🤙

[@Kellers_Mom]

Wish I had heard this many years ago. Would have saved my emotional well-being & years of depression. Thanks for the insight.

[@johndrennen1336]

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

[@mooninpisces8703]

Me too!!

[@joyperry7075]

That makes two of us .

[@neicyluv553]

Sending you love today.

[@MrsKyraKoolio]

This taught me how much I suck as a partner , so it helped a lot. Thank you

[@prajna_ananda]

Stayed married for 13 years dealing with all 9 of these. Next time someone says "Aww I'm sorry you're getting divorced. Can't you work it out?".... I sending them this video. Nailed it, Mel! Thanks! 😆😁🙌

[@Floordrobe3019]

Delicious response! In my first marriage, he tried to get a pastor's wife to get me to return. I told her three words, "He punched me." and she told me that she appreciated my speaking with her. She also told me he desired a leadership position in the church but would have to go through a year of counseling. Idk if he did that.

[@laurieclark2456]

Mine didn’t change. I noticed had that silent treatment. Thing. Now keeps me in grid lock. Goes in anger fits of rage. Over nothings-

[@pjpredhomme7699]

I have yet to know someone who got married with the intention of getting divorced - it is a horrible experience - but it is not typically fatal. When a bond is that broken it is much better to get out of it .

[@bloom4807]

Omg, please leave, the abuse never stops and at what cost, no.

[@jancash9549]

That's a good one‼️🤣😂 I believe I will do the same damn thing. Hey y'all, after watching this it really convinced me i was right along. hearing what y'all had to say it is really heartbreaking for us to be as old as we are we shouldn't have to put up with lying disrespect name-calling silent treatment ,but yet we still pick up the pieces push through it get our duties done and respect the motherfukers that's disrespecting us .Well this is where it stopped!! He also makes me feel like I'm nothing but a pushy pocket. Yes ladies I did tell him how I feel straight to his face and I mentioned the pocket pussy as well....And his comeback was ...your crazy and why you say crazy shit like that .... and I responded 😒 that's how you make me feel and he gets all mad start justifying everything that I say. The roller coaster that never ends everyday was stuck in the same damn conversation not going nowhere.

[@itisfinishednowtimetoclean2723]

Deal breakers; 1.) lies. 2.) silent treatment (manipulating by ignoring you). 3.) Lack of healthy boundaries. 4.) Weaponizes your insecurities. 5.) Calling you ugly names (amen F*that!). 6.) Power over behaviors, ignoring interrupting constantly, correcting… 6.) Controlling, snooping through your stuff is stalker ish! Beware, these types. 7.) Sole decision making, with big stuff. 8.) Telling you how you should feel vs. validating “how”, you feel, it is a Big Deal! 9.) Ignores your boundaries, gives you a hard time because you want/need to do what you want/need to do. Walks all over you…in words, attitudes or deeds. Usually if something feels wrong it’s because Something is wrong. As women say what you want, say what you need. Be willing to change yourself and expect the changes you need to see. Thanks, Great Video!

[@randomcommenter935]

Check #3, #6, and #6

[@kyralynch186]

Yes! "Be willing to change yourself and expect the changes you need to see."

[@johnjones4049]

Yeah men too you ffffing women cheat more than men get over yourselves your behavior is worse than men's quite alot

[@johnjones4049]

It makes sense an no gender intended my memory is not selective all those points make sense.Your either crazy like Narcissist or neurotic an you blend well or you just get labeled as you say an you move on.Having a Soul mate is not superficial I had a vision of woman I was to meet one day years later we met an violently moved through our worldly family no kids about 2 years of marriage an it's failing. I just don't measure up like naked baby in hell stuck in my infancy an infantile life.Well it can just go blow somewhere else got it ladies adios!

[@Poultrychick]

With #2 one does not need to deal with anyone that has put hands on you or threatened you. (In any form of a relationship not just partner)

[@serenequeen8973]

This was so powerful and insightful- thank you so much for sharing this wisdom

[@blancamiranda778]

THANK YOU‼️ I NEEDED THIS MESSAGE.....TRUTH HURTS BUT IM HEALING NOW....

[@georgesontag2192]

These red flags don't start until after you have committed marriage, house, children and your life savings. Before marriage, they are sweet and kind. That is the real problem. The new plan should be 2 pre nups - one from you and one from her. That way, she cannot say she was under pressure to sign.

[@Nateandmel633]

I agree.... they usually put on a fake front

[@verystylishordinarypeople]

The mask slips when they feel you are in a vulnerable position. It includes marriage, and it can also include moving in together, pregnancy, being sponsored by them for immigration etc. This is why we need to test the spirit and flee the devil. Stop being nice and put up boundaries.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Na they do we just don’t see em

[@tiffanystrand4423]

Not true. He started the verbal abuse six weeks in… we didn’t get married until two years later… he started small, or he would be drinking, then the love bombing would kick in…. He was slow to start the cycle of violence… it was subtle at the beginning.

[@pjpredhomme7699]

@@Nateandmel633 its the pre-sales pitch

[@karlalucaz]

I wish I have had someone telling me all this before I got married. My husband of 25 years used to behave like a dictator and all the red flags were there. Emotional abuse is a serious problem in a relationship. From emotional abuse, physical abuse started. Grabbed me by the neck pushed me so hard against a wall while strangling me is in his words just “a little rough housing not any disrespect or violence.” THANK YOU for posting this video.

[@OffTheWagons]

My abuser claims there is no such thing as emotional abuse and because he isn't beating TF out of me that doesn't count either.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

@@OffTheWagons I hope sincerely that you ghost him! He will look around and when you are no where to be seen he will think twice because he HAS TO.

[@CynthiaSchoenbauer]

Since my father has been so self-sacrificing and so self-effacing, I did not realize that he has also been an extreme dictator demanding that you "sacrifice everything" for him. He really pulled a big one out on us kids.

[@johndrennen1336]

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

[@leejay2418]

I'm glad you got out Carla. So much of this stuff and ignored and it just builds and builds.

[@williamswayuk]

This video was so helpful for me to examine my own behaviours towards my partner and make me face my own shadow self... I realise I'd been exhibiting about 7 of the 9 traits!! My relationship has improved as a result now I'm aware of these toxic behaviours.. I just didn't know any better... But now I do! 🙏

[@LightRenowned]

Thank you Mel! As always, explanations that resonate well with helping myself and others who are willing!

[@lizettenovelo1]

I was married to a narcissist with all these traits for 15 years. We have three sons together and the oldest, now 22 is quadriplegic from lack of oxygen at birth, which made it more difficult as he refused to help being a machista man from Cuba. The best day of my life was the day the judge stamped the divorce papers almost 9 years ago on Christmas Eve. So much peace being on my own with my Lord as my companion.

[@christinavain2689]

How did you get through to them. I am trying but so difficult 😪

[@lizettenovelo1]

@@christinavain2689 what do you mean by how did I get through to them?

[@Uphjjj]

Amen!! I’m so glad you leaned on the lord! Make NO man your savior. I to was in a horrible relationship trying to please someone I would have never been good enough for! I called on the lord and he answered! I got out of this relationship with the lords help!!God restored my strength and I made HIM my lord and savior instead of that man!! My life has never been this peaceful! When you know better you do better and you make BETTER DECISIONS!GLORY TO GOD!!Call on the lord people!!!

[@Uphjjj]

@@christinavain2689God

[@Uphjjj]

@@lizettenovelo1God

[@HalfGodHalfDevil2018]

I'm so sorry to hear of everyone's experiences. It has surprised me how many people are here saying about it taking decades to see the signs, as I felt pretty alone with this. It has taken me 20 years! I'm 37 now and have been separated from my abusive husband for about 3 months. I just discovered something devastating on new years eve and it's put me back a lot. I have been trying hard to thrive and be myself without daily criticisms, abuse and silent treatment. I will pick myself up again, just as will you. I just can't believe I made so many excuses for him. Never again. Sending good vibes to everyone here. It's never too late to start a new life free from someone who didn't know how to value you. You are worthy of respect and proper love.

[@bbc20231]

Can I ask, if he was commuted to change did not disrespect you. Do you think you could ever forgive and move forward?

[@0vercomer]

I'm there. I am right there. It didn't take twenty years but I have been in one long exhausting contention for almost ten now and I'm spent but holding onto my pride by holding on to what I believed was true about him. I still want what he sold me to be true and not what I see

[@JessJoanne]

I hope you are doing well.

[@foxmeister7086]

I'm going through this too. I will tell you the longer you are away you're going to go through a crazy transformation with yourself. Focus on you, get hobbies, make yourself happy and enjoy being away.

[@mirola73]

Yep, 22 years it took, I'm firing up the solicitor tomorrow. The partner crossed the line I set months ago and I told her 'that's it', now she's dishing out the silence treatment again, it's not affecting me anymore. I just want to get rid of her asap now and end this childish disrespectful situation I'm in.

[@dauglove7835]

This is right on. All of these tactics were used by my abusive husband. Marriage counseling did not work, ever and cheating was always there without me discovering until the end. When someone lies, you are very likely only seeing the tip of the iceberg. Blessings to all who carry frustration, disappointment, sadness from being treated like this. Don’t let yourself get used to these behaviors, please. 💖

[@hahanicnic818]

I was on here going through profiles and so luckily i came across your marvelous and charming picture of you,which really drew my attention to get in touch with you and also i really love your profile. i believe by God Grace you and your lovely family are protect and safe from what the enemy as plan towards you, Our Father in heaven sees everything He will make sure the devil plan fail upon you and your family Amen

[@edric81]

This is a great breakdown of why the “small” things matter. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@montelcreatives]

As a man and father, in guilty of some of these things and I have worked on being better..... I have so been a victim of many of these things... some of those led to our relationship to break...but I hold nothing against her. Thanks for this. Wish everyone a healthy and meaningful relationship....

[@zulemapearce4949]

This is on point! My husband was a culprit of many of these things. I had to leave. He got help. 6 months later we started working again. Our relationship has improved so so much- we even wrote a marriage mission statement! Watching this video helped me even check myself- I tend to interrupt my husband when speaking- and I will definitely be working on that! Love you Mel for your no-filter way of sharing 🤓💕

[@sergiosolanas8143]

Pues primero se pregunta yo desde luego no de coña me acerco más a semejante nido de víboras es alucinante me indultais me puteais lo que os sale de la polla y aún pensIs que voy a ir allí estáis tontos o que? Por qué debería ir por vuestra simpatía ? Por todos los papeles que ha eis creado o si no voy a la cárcel?,por qué me voy a casar ? Jjj por favor os dije que antes moriré pero haciendo público todo lo que hacéis ya sabéis que me atrevo a contarlo dudáis de que me mataría encantado si con ello destapó lo que sois ? Vosotros mismos no me dais miedo y la tía está no la tocaría ni con un palo jjjj

[@sergiosolanas8143]

Nunca me habría prestado a algo así es una farsa que insulta lo más profundo de una relación y no habría permitido que otra persona sufriera por mi y supongo que a Mel tampoco le hizo mucha gracia espero que olvidéis está tontería y sdais muy felicessuerte y riñela muy suave que ella seguro que también sería un saludo

[@desurinaamsefamilieuitantw1800]

Such a amazing video💕❤️💕❤️

[@dig1272]

I notice there's a WhatsApp bot on youtube that pops up whenever someone shares something really positive and heartfelt and high vibration. I do not think it's a coincidence.

[@Dwayne_Boone]

Cool... As for me, I can't even finish a sentence. lol, sad but true.

[@kristalhumphreys4621]

Girl I have been enjoying my recent subscription to your channel! Keep your wonderful informative videos coming…

[@KE-xz9kg]

Thank you! ugh yes - the big decisions without consulting thing really kept bothering me. Then he ended it. I was close to graveling and apologizing until this.

[@lessonsin30s]

Respect is key on both sides. Treat him/her the way you want to be treated

[@Yo-gp4ib]

No, treat him the way he wants to be treated.

[@lindawolz5540]

@user-dd6cj4hv5z Yes, there is a difference. You may like candy or flowers, but maybe he wants a shared activity.

[@jrippee05]

What you say is true. You should never compromise your principles but is it disrespecting your spouse to confront them about their bad behavior. I don't think so.

[@fenrichlee2867]

Dream on...

[@aaronwest1055]

What horrible advice, women and men differ drastically in their requirements for a happy marriage.

[@lightyourway4929]

When it is your own family , you realize where you learned to tolerate very toxic behavior. Learning to value yourself and set up boundaries is the only way to survive until you find your exit strategy. Thank you for sharing all the helpful information.

[@franksimmons9242]

You are precisely right. I've been doing this for the last couple of years and hard to believe the peace clarity and order. The time we wasted coddling and burping those babies. The good news is all of that time goes back into our personal accounts to use how we want.

[@TrinaGallo]

I’m here for the same reason. (Dysfunctional childhood, etc.). I failed most 😞 BUT now I know what to work on! I plan on showing partner too, and he can probably squeeze in more negative behaviors I’m unaware of! 😂

[@ph03n1x1986]

Thank you for so much for this Mel! I had the conversation with my partner very calmly and even though it's only been two days I still feel the anxiety and that they won't prove through their actions that I have been heard as they said they would. I just needed the validation in watching this video that I need to let them go. Thank you so much!

[@lisakrushinski9436]

One of the best videos I’ve ever seen! Thank you, Mel!

[@debbiedebbie9473]

I've witnessed some relationships where one partner is emotionally immature and attacks , belittling etc, and the only way to get the toxic person to stop attacking and belittling, is for the healthier partner to be quiet. In this instance, being quiet is not toxic behavior, it's trying to get things to calm down. (Every single thing he says is attacked, with toxic gaslighting, so better to be quiet.) That healthy person needs to leave and get out of that toxic relationship when it's safe to do so.

[@franksimmons9242]

You are right that was me and I left. We have two daughters and I just couldn't stand them watching all the arguments. Once this super Christian woman got started on her fits there was nothing could be said or done to stop her. It was constant.

[@callanc3925]

Exactly. If youve got in an argument and one party starts taking it too far then silent treatment is definitely appropriate. A simple "thats inappropriate, we can talk again once youve calmed down and want to discuss the actual issue." and wait for them to come to you to calmly discuss it.

[@autosteez]

I had to utilize this tool in order to hold my peace in my last relationship. I got worn out from constantly defending myself & integrity. Ultimately had to ghost her completely.

[@franksimmons9242]

Right! I would be quiet because I didn't want my daughters exposed to constant bickering and yelling. Once they get started there's not much you can do unless you like to fight too.

[@bonny3199]

He says, there i go again, thinking and saying things that are crazy. Discounting my feelings and not expressing any emotion.

[@jadegreen1554]

Lying is one of the biggest ones - not just affecting the relationship but damaging the person who is dealing with it.

[@garimasikka10]

Imagine being lied for 6 straight years. I feel like your brain stops working.

[@Chrissy856]

It's the toughest & most damaging thing a person that says they "love you" is to tell lies. It messes you up in all kind of ways and so hard to come out of. Prayers for everyone going through this.

[@catherinecasuyon8929]

big salute to those person who really work hard to be better, not someone who's full on talks but still do the same thing again and again. this is hard.

[@derrekharney472]

I had often given my ex wife the silent treatment . I believe it justified and yes it was a defence mechanism .The only time she ever wanted to talk about issues bothering her was after she had four or five drinks. As a result ,she would resort to name calling. I think sometimes in a couple there is more to the story than a few signs. Many couples are dealing with spouses with mental health issues and possibly addiction. Sad

[@jeanstreet9545]

I can agree with most of what you say except the “ignoring” statement….the silent treatment can also be a way of removing oneself from a harmful situation ( verbal abuse or simply recognizing your buttons have been pushed and instead of lashing out, the high road is to decompress, deal with ones own trash and then come back to address the previous conversation in a productive and respectful way). Silent treatment can be a power trip and it can also be a way of self care.

[@RS-xo7rd]

I would argue that silence saves you saying the wrong thing plus all the things above, and is also a last resort when every rational, reasonable and a serious attempt at logical argument has failed. I've been there and there is no point in discussing with someone who doesn't want to listen.

[@yvonnes7412]

I think the “silent treatment” is different than taking a breath or a break from a conversation… you’re talking about two different things. As I understand, the “silent treatment” is a form of manipulation where the person is trying to control the other person, get back at them (make them suffer), or control the outcome of a disagreement. With this form of manipulation, the person is turning away from the other person; they are not trying to connect and reconcile differences. However, it’s completely different and normal when couples decide to take a break from a disagreement because the conversation is getting too tense. That is healthy and working together to work through things in the most peaceful way… And of course, when they are ready, the couple revisits the topic and hopefully comes to a peaceful resolution that strengthens the relationship.

[@Star_Light_4]

Yes, that is self-care. I do it all the time along with gray rock (being really uninteresting so they don’t want to talk to you) with high narcissistic trait husband.

[@issarissa2727]

I agree. When talking is vulnerability to gaslighting and manipulation, silence is your protection

[@YesPlease1]

@@yvonnes7412 You nailed it with your descriptions

[@lyncisr5059]

These signs are so important and so real. I recently broke up with a partner I was in relationship for almost 6 years. I love him so much, so I ignored that he disrespected me by telling me I'm irrational demanding respectful communication from him to myself. Like... I don't know why I stayed so long. I love him, and he has a lot of great personality traits that I admired. But this is not enough. If someone is repeatedly disrespectful, demand of you to explain why do you feel the way you feel and then tells you that your reasoning is not good enough... Run. I was through some emotional hell because I want to fix our relationship and did everything I could. But he is the one who doesn't want to change for better. If he is not willing to do anything, and don't go to a therapy or something... There is probably no help and you need to live. Don't hide the sad truth from yourself, you are going to suffer more if you do

[@jasonrichard7560]

If he's indifferent you disrespected or betrayed him using a KZbin or suggested test to see if he loves you, I'm that guy that's watched how women ruin relationships taking poor advice.

[@lyncisr5059]

@@jasonrichard7560 why do you making up a story about something you don't know? And then think it's a good idea to share this imaginary story?

[@krystalgardiner5591]

Yup, stayed with somebody like this over 12 years. I had emotional breakdown from it about 4 years ago, still trying to pick myself up. Being invalidated that long really messed me up.

[@lyncisr5059]

@@krystalgardiner5591 I'm sorry this happend to you. I wish you'll find your peace. Do you have any emotional support rn? Friends, family, maybe some psychologist?

[@randomcommenter935]

@@jasonrichard7560 You're immature.

[@markthomas4083]

This particular video was very usefully. Good job Mel. ❤️

[@nitishdas9991]

Mel, a Thousand Thanks. I realized that I am insulted in almost all the Nine points. I totally remained unaware of all these 9 signs/facts. GOD BLESS YOU.

[@mackay6417]

The hardest part after being ignored, rejected disrespected, is how to stand up again and be confident to walk through a time of despair. All I believe is that after a storm sun will smile again and amazing things will happen to my life and all these traumatic experiences will fade away time will heal my soul. Thank you for this relevant message it helped me change my perspective in life.

[@bubblegumelectric1]

I’m stuck until September …and find a place on my own. I also have a four year old I have to make sure is well taken care of in this mess.

[@laurieclark2456]

My young son ( 24 just)shot himself in the head last month - ran out in the woods. His girl friend had to pull up back in my driveway with her new boy friend. She was disrespectful. I found out from his friends. His father wasn’t any help either. The girl was living at my place. And cheating. Was a past Buffalo any. Pole dancer. Watch who your kids date. - Allison Norman was her name now lives in fla

[@bubblegumelectric1]

@@laurieclark2456 I’m so sorry about your son! 😔I believe in karma and it will catch up with her soon enough.

[@bubblegumelectric1]

@@bathemeinchampagne Thank you!

[@Kick_Rocks]

This is great information. Describes my relationship perfectly. I am on my way out the door, but he continues to act as thought there is nothing wrong. Then he gaslights me to make me feel like none of this is true, and that I am "too sensitive". Thank you for the content!

[@debracisneroshhp2827]

@TS, My motto is, "...it may hurt me (to leave) but I'll get over it!" 🙏😇💖🙌🙌🙌😺

[@gennasteele2871]

YEAH and your to emotional but they start the shit

[@djw8504]

I’m in the same situation with my 7yr fiancé. He is pushing me further and further out the door and acts like I’m paranoid! Says nothings wrong but is acting very strange like he doesn’t care or doing something behind my back! Silent treatment! 🙏✊

[@beatrizcarter9172]

Thank you so much, I appreciate you mention all of these things. ❤

[@bentriefus5961]

thanks - this has been revealing and good to hear. I was told often i was a liar and disrespected her boundaries, and accused of all manner of ways i undermined her.. but on reflection, have realised there was a decade of receiving criticism and countless put downs, dismissals and refusal to reciprocate generosity leading towards the mutual turning away. It has been great not to be in relationship with her for a couple of years now and i am beginning to heal.

[@dianakroenke4013]

At 74 and after 52 yrs of what I thought was a normal marriage you come along and pop the bubble my gosh thank you I don't know what i can do now but knowledge is power

[@519Trishers]

What builds a happy relationship 1. Awareness; For self & Partner needs having an interest in both. 2. How you deal with conflict; Know how to fight w/respect & how to work through problems. 3. Values; have a vision on how to create your lives 4. Connection behaviors that turn towards one another. Creating an admiration for one another.

[@ZacB33]

This is great stuff. Opening my eyes but I'm so insecure and anxious I always end up with these people. Trauma bonding.

[@AntonMatthews]

Your video put me in a better mood. Thanks

[@stephanesumner7098]

I gave my narcissist the silent treatment. Because I was tired of explaining my feelings, Because no matter what I tried to say I was a lier period!!! No matter what I said or how I would say it. And I was every name in the book! But I'm free from it now and I'm working on loving me!

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Only way to go

[@tiffanystrand4423]

Using a grey rock method against a narc is NOT stone walling… it’s NOT wrong to avoid conflict.

[@tlb3479]

After years of lies and just being ignored. I just realized I need to be alone and get my life back. I'm ready to be free. I could never have a conversation with him. If I ask about where, when or who. It started a fight and it was because I didn't trust. After finding things from other women including naked pictures, I didn't trust him anymore. Told he was on dating sites.

[@michaellapins5011]

This CD has three separate relaxation/meditation sessions on it kzbin.infoUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq guided by a very pleasant and direct male voice. Unlike so many other products of its type, this CD does not have bad synthesizer music, does not feature a phony or affected style of narration, and does not make any bogus claims to be subliminal or to re-train the brain or any of that balderdash. What you get is 1. a guided meditation for getting into a pleasantly relaxed state of body awareness while taking a stroll (superb for those easing back into a fitness routine slowly after an illness or injury) 2. A nice long breath-awareness relaxation session that if followed diligently can put you into very deep states of full-body relaxation and mental calmness, and 3. a buddhist-inspired meditation session designed to help you develop and maintain feelings of loving kindness toward not just yourself and your friends, but toward people you don't even like. The CD makes no claims to be designed for advanced meditators or for buddhists or hindus/yoga practitioners looking for very deep and esoteric stuff. It is geared more toward the average person who just wants to develop the habit of relaxation and stress relief through natural, healthy means. him, if you happen to be reading this, keep up the good work fella, and I love your accent. I would also like to note that I have never fallen asleep while listening to this product. I would like to kindly suggest to the reviewer who said this CD makes him fall asleep, that he might want to get checked to see if he has a sleep disorder, or if he is simply not setting aside ample time for restful sleep at night. A healthy person getting adequate rest at night should be able to go into deep states of mental relaxation without dozing off, if not all the time, then most of the time.

[@shaunlowekey4525]

Thank You for this video, I have learned a lot from watching this, now I know what I am going to do next, be free and enjoy life.

[@tammied1858]

There are reasons to become silent - especially when the other person wants to talk while getting ice to have another glass of bourbon These are all very true statements Queen Mel. 🌹

[@robbindebi8764]

Too bad I didn't see this video 20 years ago. My ex-husband had most of these red flags and after 19 years I finally realize what a healthy partnership should look like. Thanks 😊

[@juliahuynh9592]

Sorry to hear.. 12 years for me.

[@joan7562]

@@juliahuynh9592 15 years, my stress level was two thousand percent, he died, and the day after the funeral I woke up and took a breath freely and stress free, I cried when I realized what I DISRESPECT I had survived

[@hamzadarragi1951]

Happy for you dear@robbiNdebi, stay safe 🤜🤛🤞

[@versatileduplicity9313]

And I'm sure you had no red flags Ms perfect

[@Tupelo927]

@@versatileduplicity9313 What an oddly defensive comment. I genuinely hope you're feeling better today. Best wishes.

[@lovedandabundant6384]

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Big red flags 🚩 I am trying so hard to extrapolate myself from an entanglement. It’s not at all easy, but it’s necessary. THANK YOU Mel

[@michelemadick7152]

Thanks for this Mel! Love your advice 🙏

[@mr.controversial3076]

Man you said everything I needed confirmation on! I really needed to hear this

[@Modelshelpeople]

My ex's response to me calling out his silent treatment was that there were worse ways that he could handle being upset with me. He had no shame about it and apparently I should have been grateful for his silence and repression. He wasn't going to change. Thank you for validating me that it needed to be addressed, Mel ♥️

[@Livelaugh44]

Yes I’ve heard this exact response also, like I give you the silent treatment because it’s better than what I would say to you. Idk I just dislike that attitude so much. It makes no sense.

[@Modelshelpeople]

@@Livelaugh44 right and the thing is, he wasn't repressing... repressing himself would indicate that I didn't know he was punishing me with the silent treatment!

[@blessedbynature1]

I had the same husband. Divorced one month now...hard to understand

[@bettybarnes8506]

My husband has the same bad attitude about his silent treatment. 😖

[@IT-zx5jc]

Just like mine!! He did it NOT TO HURT ME,as in he was so angry upset that he did not want to say anything he would regret. Total BS. If this was the case why did he stonewall his daughter too,who was totally innocent? No it was like a holiday for him. No responsibilities, nothing. He would spend days on his PC. Upset my ass - how could i be so stupid?!

[@Valentina-33377]

Mel once again you nailed and gave it straightforward the way we have to hear it..honestly these TOXIC identifying people/relationships should be taught in the school curriculum starting 6 grade. 😊♥️

[@dohnutz8452]

Starting at birth!

[@helenmccaig8299]

100% agree

[@bobbeezel2593]

No they’d rather teach the 62 different genders and cross dressing

[@johndrennen1336]

Relationship Revival Geoffrey Setiawan

[@ummu-makkiranderee4940]

100% Great Work Keep ! Lots of Love Mel.

[@sebastianw.tgantz1815]

Mel!!! OMGoodness!!! Thank you so much for this awakening!!!

[@jontnoneya3404]

What also sucks is when this stuff happens with a sibling in adult life. I'm 57, my sis is 68. We had a confrontation recently where I called out her behavior and told her exactly how it made me feel. BUT I was super triggered so it was accompanied with a lot of anger. After texts and angry phone calls we both got to a place where were connecting again. We both apologized and we both forgave each other. I was beyond thrilled because this was the first time I can remember my sister seriously apologizing and where I felt like she meant it. She even went on to make a point of saying "Look if this ever comes up again or an issue like this, please know I want to resolve it, I'm just often not aware of it. So please bring it up and we'll work through it." I agree and asked her to do the same. She even called me later that day to share a cool story with me. Things were awesome. THE VERY NEXT MORNING - literally she stop responding to my texts. We were meeting for lunch and to exchange some items. When we met she was unkempt, looked really frazzled and didn't want to stick around at all. She cancelled lunch and said something like "I've got a lot of stuff to do today. Sorry. Maybe next time." Since we'd had this great connection I thought everything was fine adn it wasn't about me. Then I get the silent treatment. Zero responses to text messages when she had been really emotive in the past. There were only replies when it was absolutely necessary and then only short as possible business type of replies. I mentioned it to my brother and he said he didn't know if anything was wrong. Then a few days later I brought it up to him again and he said that she was mad at me for the way I talked to her. No discussion with me, just silent treatment. None of this agreeing to discuss it once again if anything came up....just silence. It's as if she had a dream about me and now I'm in some sort of "trouble" because of her dream. It's exhausting because I didn't want my relationship with my sister to end but my god....one day and she's mad at me again but not talking about it. Just news, weather and sports or important info about mom. That's all. For years I wondered why my brother left the family and cut us off. Now I'm starting to realize why.

[@staceycleary8736]

Mel, I gave the silent treatment to my narcissist because it was always “my fault” if something went wrong. I didn’t want to give in any longer. I was open to talking it out but felt I was talking to the wall.

[@panama2468]

Its always funny how they love doing the silent treatment and you're supposed to take it, but when you give it back, they can't deal

[@Tina-si1gz]

I stopped talking when it became obvious talking about the weather doesn’t solve problems. He attacks me with personal insults instead of working with me to fix what’s wrong. It’s exhausting.

[@marianmartin9441]

Stacy, I am in the same boat. I don't think she has an answer for us. I can't leave my relationship. The only way I can survive is to be quiet. If you find an answer to this please let me know. You alone can not fix the relationship....just learn survival.

[@EntrepreneursRidingWithBoys]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/g6msoaeXecyJobs

[@kathryngracey7993]

@@marianmartin9441 I agree with you. Certainly many of the behaviors described deserve a response of silence because any attempt to communicate will be met with further, disrespect via negativity, put downs, lies, blaming, criticism etc.

[@tomeagar]

I had to face certain realities and end a relationship that I wanted sooo badly to work and this video clarified and confirmed. Love Mel Robbins!

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@joshuamac6302]

Could you not have worked out the issues?

[@danielwilliams7425]

This video helped a TON so thank you very much

[@Barbara-sn5gz]

Thank you, Mel, for this vital information. ❤

[@FriskyTendervittles]

We learn how to relate, communicate and fight by watching our parents. It’s so unconscious until it’s brought to light. So many thing we don’t mean to say

[@karenivey4662]

This really sucks because it will never matter how much u love them it doesn't matter to them

[@samruddhiaware8274]

This is so true. It's not actually anybody's fault, because nobody is aware of the damage that they are doing. Also, healthy role models are like a needle in a haystack. It's extremely difficult to find them and absorb from them

[@djmandyland]

I was going through all of the abusive things I went through with my ex and more and more tiny things that I didn't even see as abuse finally started to come through to me like "you voice us annoying me" little things he said belittled me constantly but I didn't even see it as abuse because he abused me on a much larger scale as well. Once I realized every little part of my time with him I was being passively abused without understanding why I felt so horrible about my existence.... its wild when the veil drops and you realize it was all an act.

[@tuknchuk]

Sub earned !!! 1st time viewer. Outstanding Content !!! So glad YT sent this my way. Looking forward to more. Thanks for sharing… your knowledge and teaching are far, far above most I’ve found. All the best to you, Mel 🙏

[@skatingmom8146]

Mel, I wish that at some point in the existence of KZbin, this video goes viral. Everything you have said here is pertinent to the Free World in regards to how people should treat each other in a successful relationship. My favorite part of the video was when you were talking about name calling and gaslighting, and you said, "---- that." I wish for anyone who is receiving these 9 behaviors to find the exit sign, as you so wonderfully said. God bless.

[@alwaysreading5435]

Thank you for this video. Last night I realised I have been 32 years with the wrong person. It really hurts. How to move forward? I don't know . Letting him go is going to be very very hard. I need time to work on me and to accept what is happening. Not easy to keep smiling and looking as if everything is OK when I know I am done. Sad times ahead.

[@AnastasiaChase]

I'm so sorry 😞

[@cynthiahippe1087]

My sister just recently divorced her husband of 38 years. She decided she was done and exploded. I kept telling her to slow down and come up with a plan first but being a narcissist herself couldn’t wait. It turned out ok as they had a lot of assets but man that was tough to watch! It is a emotional roller coaster (I went through it also) but living without the day to day stress is worth it. I’d say talk with friends about all the details because even her grown kids didn’t want to listen to her. Her ex told the kids that he had no idea why she wanted a divorce. 🙄 Haha, yep he’s a narcissist also. Good luck and stay strong!

[@cherylhill9969]

Hang in there my friend. If you don't have to leave asap and leave when You know your ready it's a little bit easier but hard getting to that final point of being Done

[@jdenino6022]

@@cynthiahippe1087 the grass is always greener on the other side.

[@margielopez5864]

I hope you are well. I sent a powerful prayer your way because God knows who you are and what you need. HE loves you and do not want you to suffer. Please trust the guidance HE has put in you.

[@sarahlyons3096]

I broke off an eight year relationship three months ago and my mouth is open as you said nearly all these points. I wish I knew the signs earlier and didn’t just believe his “This was the last time” and “I’m going to change.” Thank you so much for posting this and look forward to watching more of your content ♥️

[@puppyzkitten]

When trust is broken, is it reasonable to expect them to earn your trust back? Say they’re caught in a lie, is it unreasonable for them to have to earn your trust back by when there is a doubt, them being proven to be telling the truth? The relationship is over. I just don’t believe I was out of line to expect that. The believed that once he broke my trust, if I was going to forgive, then I needed to fully trust him and wipe the slate clean without there being any thing to show that I could trust him.

[@ambertrainor5607]

Goodness gracious literally every one of these has been my life for the last 4 years. No wonder im overwhelmed and feeling uncomfortable and like i need to get out. Im guilty of the silence because ive tried to express feelings and needs since the beginning and nothing NOTHING has EVER been acknowledged let alone done differently. Its about self preservation at this point. Ugh 😢

[@Korschtal]

Sometimes the "silent treatment " (#2) can be a defence because you are on the receiving end of behaviours #3-#9. When you reach out and try to confront these behaviours and are continually rebuffed, it can reach a point where it's not that you want to manipulate someone, you don't have the energy to keep trying.