Men Can Be Sexually Assaulted, Too | CJ Krainock | TEDxRexburg

Nearly 25% of males will experience contact sexual violence in their lifetime. But, only a quarter of those assaults were reported to police in a 2018 study. CJ Krainock takes us through a vivid path of his own sexual assault story, and sheds light on why men and boys may feel uncomfortable speaking out about their experiences. CJ hopes to change the stigma around male sexual assault victims, as well as encourage victims to share their stories and foster change within themselves, their families, and their communities.
CJ Krainock is a victim of sexual assault and an advocate for male sexual assault victims. He is passionate about ending male sexual assault stigmas and helping victims receive the help that they need to recover properly. CJ is now the CEO of Incline Marketing, a loving husband and father, and baseball coach at Madison High School in Rexburg, ID. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@originalchaos2711]

As a victim, 2 years ago I was an abusive relationship with a woman who did awful things to me, hearing this made me feel heard! Thank you CJ!

[@calvinkrainock9772]

You are not alone!

[@HoangCung-lg3xm]

As a women I support you also.

[@luisquiroz1023]

Samee here to ❤

[@revertate4109]

​@@HoangCung-lg3xmAt least you are not like them. society is ruining everything

[@AnaArabi88]

You’re my hero, CJ. On behalf of all the boys and men who feel they can’t talk, you’re being a role model.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Comments like this are why I chose to do this talk. Stay strong and know you CAN talk!

[@itsyenji]

@@calvinkrainock9772thank you cj I love you man

[@JenSumma]

So sad. At the end of high school, one of my male friends told me he was r-worded by his mom's boyfriend when he was young. It's so sad. We're now almost 40 and he seems like such a broken person

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Trauma is so difficult to overcome. Please encourage your friend to get help!

[@LyricalXilence]

Kudos to that team mate who told his parents and got this ball rolling. Love to CJ for talking about this and educating us.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

He was the true hero in this story! He is now living an amazing life and is engaged to be married soon. I admire his persistence and courage!

[@ClaytonLPoland]

Great message CJ! Just today my son was getting his hair cut and the female barber was discussing how her boyfriend was physically and emotionally abusing her. She made a comment that this “never happens to men.” My son responded, “well actually let me tell you about CJ.” As he briefly shared your experience, it opened the eyes of these ladies. I know that will be just one of many eye opening conversations that’ll result from your message my friend!!

[@Crash-the-Purple-Puppet1]

Respects to your SON❤❤. As a teenager boy, I agree. ❤

[@Practicalinvestments]

YWHW bless your son for real that is truly amazing and warms my heart from a cold place, I was SA by a woman and then not believed and actually had my life destroyed by her,, I had no recourse, no where to hide, and no one to talk to because no one believed me, everyday I was so sick to my stomach I almost quit work/everything I was doing at that time it was super difficult

[@shapeshifter16]

​@@Practicalinvestments it's sickening that this sh!t regulary happens to people and ruins their lives, you really deserve better. I hope you're okay now.

[@jwill5892]

Why was the female talking about that in the first place anyway. That's kinda creepy.

[@meowy4720]

cool fake story.

[@BW-gj6hq]

This man is brave and courageous. He is an excellent communicator.

[@bob24735]

The amount of views on this video shows how society really is.

[@johnnylego807]

exactly!

[@yellowyellowyellow7894]

@@johnnylego807 I'M SOOOO SCARED OF A 20TH BOOSTER EXISTING! THE VACCINE EXISTING *RISKS* A 20TH BOOSTER EXISTING!!!!! HEEEEELP..... PLEASE.....

[@johnnylego807]

@@yellowyellowyellow7894 Just don’t take it brotha, The vacca is , Poison, and they want a new shot every month, it does not work.

[@random_content8165]

exactly bro

[@calvinkrainock9772]

SA is a difficult subject to talk about, so often people avoid the subject completely. As the person in the video, I hope that I can be the one who talked about it so others don’t have to. We should encourage people to speak up if they are able, share experiences or messages of hope, and help others begin to realize that SA happens to men more often then we realize. Only then will society begin to make changes. I appreciate that you found my talk impactful!

[@frankk.777]

This man doesn’t talk about showing emotions, he does show emotions. He doesn’t merely talk about being authentic, he is authentic. The fact remains that our societies does not want vulnerability to be seen.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

So many people are uncomfortable if I even bring up the subject of my Ted talk. Let’s break down those walls so people can speak!

[@shapeshifter16]

​@@calvinkrainock9772 Your speech is amazing, I'm sure your courage to speak up will help people in similar situations.

[@johnnylego807]

This is FREAKING HORRIFIC!!! HOW DOES THIS NOT HAVE MORE VIEWS?!? this POOR GUY! Wtf! I’m praying for you brotha🙏🏽 This left me speechless!

[@farazpaw]

Somehow, people don’t like to talk about this topic. Start a conversation and you quickly see that someone will change the topic.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Appreciate you Johnny!

[@johnnylego807]

@@calvinkrainock9772 Appreciate you brotha!!! Thankyou , Be blessed 💪🏽💪🏽💯

[@TheOne-xu5oy]

Come on u know why. We all know why.

[@johnnylego807]

@@TheOne-xu5oy Because he’s a man? probably

[@emanalant]

Powerful message on a topic that is normally ignored and treated like it doesn’t exist. Great job CJ on delivering it with poise and balance on a very public stage!

[@terrydaniel-qm9mh]

Its a sick world we all live in ... well done for speaking out .

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you 🙏

[@samanthatheobald4045]

So proud of you for having the courage to share your story and bring awareness ❤️

[@divinityofblackness6330]

As someone who has been a victim of this crime when I was 13 and 15...it shocks me how common this sort of thing is in the athletic world. If you listened to the stereotypes of the media and all of that you'd think that male athletes were on top of the world and the least likely to have this sort of thing happen. Look up Kyle Beach. Sadly...it's more common than you think.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

I would argue that it’s more likely to happen in the male athletic setting than anywhere else. Get a bunch of guys together and it can become a fight to the top of the proverbial caste system. We need to encourage people to keep their hands of each other and move forward

[@NinjaBooKitty]

@@calvinkrainock9772 Why you never find me alone in a group of any ttype of men. They fall very quickly into pack mentality and there is no way out.

[@farazpaw]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. It is extremely traumatic and I’m so proud that you have handle it so well! Absolutely, it is insane that even in a country like the United States, this subject is taboo.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Societal expectations of men are deep rooted in our history as humans. Its time to move forward

[@richardbowen8136]

My dear son, CJ: I want to hold you reassuring you that you deserve my love, my support, my communication of safety and security. When you sense the trigger, go through your breathing meditation but, if you can, also do the imagery that I am holding you. I’m a vet, retired teacher, and in my 70s- but I know I am there with you so you are never alone! My son, my hero! You are saving lives and you are modeling for each of us in our discussions are compassionate, caring, kind, supportive as well as activist strength to suppirt mental health and abuse clinics. Thank you, CJ.

[@AndreZamudio]

This video is amazing, as a victim myself it helps a lot knowing that there are others who have been through the same thing I have. Thank you so much for sharing your story

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Stay strong Andre! You’re not alone!

[@matteo1809]

I admire you so much. You are a decent man, thanks for your courage in speaking out this dramatic experience with such a posture and dignity. Respect.

[@raalvarez9241]

I’ll be 31 this year and I was 5 when it happened to me and I’m still in that bathroom my friend. Sometimes it’s difficult to even form a rational thought.

[@luism93g]

You can overcome this, you are warrior.

[@noe_rossel]

thanks for sharing your story. I wish you to overcome this, you have already so much strength to talk about this. I also got assaulted when I was 8. Even though it's tough, I'm trying to rebuild my life

[@calvinkrainock9772]

You can overcome this! Don’t be afraid to seek help!

[@danawinsor1380]

It saddens me that so many boys and men have been so devalued. Thank you for speaking out. Sorry, I can't watch this whole presentation. It's too heartbreaking.

[@davidspensberger7862]

he was the same age as i when it happened accept it was a male school teacher friend of family told no one till 30 and by then was a full blown alcoholic 21 yrs sober now and finally happy

[@MFLimited]

Thank you for your bravery. It’s awful that, in this day and age, there is still such a taboo on men coming forward.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

It’s getting better, but there’s a long way to go!

[@PeterRiddell]

I've never been in your situation and have never known anyone who has, but I sat here weeping as I listened to your story. Thank you. You are a hero, a wonderful role model and an inspiration. I wish you all the very best for your life.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you very much. I’m stunned at the amount of people like you who become emotional from my story. It makes me so glad I decided to tell it on stage. Thank you for listening!

[@empowersurvivors299]

Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. I am so sorry for what happened to you.

[@Put_the_needle_on_it]

Thank you for sharing and for your incredible bravery.

[@noahcisneros6471]

This story really moved me. Thank you for sharing!!

[@chrissyluders7558]

I’m so sorry for what you went thru. Proud of you in every way. 🌺

[@sweetbb125]

Thank you for sharing your story with the world - society needs to hear your story, and countless other that go unreported and untold.

[@jeffschmidt8483]

So sorry this happened to you CJ. Thank you for bravely telling your story. You are helping a lot of people.

[@jasonkarp1029]

Really vulnerable and powerful! Excellent talk!

[@DLPSLA]

Thank you for your honesty and candor. All the best.

[@christopherholvenstot9624]

i love your bravery, vulnerability, honesty and sense of social justice for all survivors. bravo!

[@daveh4328]

The reality of what was done to you is absolutely hart braking! God bless you for sharing, so that other survivors know that they are not alone. ❤

[@gabbysgospel]

I’m so sorry you went through that but your courage will help many, you are so brave thank you for sharing keep healing

[@AndreaLB]

Your strength is in powering!!!! Thank you for your courage to share your story. ❤❤

[@suzanadsuza4819]

Thank You So Much for this tedx People should know this is possible .....

[@snowcountry322]

Thanks for sharing CJ.

[@sarahjones3328]

Thank you for being strong enough to share this with us. I feel sick for you. There is no way that should have happened to you. Your strength in telling your story will have helped many many people. May you have the amazing life you deserve.

[@amyj.4992]

Thank you for sharing your tough experience with us, and I'm proud of you for Reclaiming yourself and weakening your abuser with visibility

[@upsupeter]

Thank you for your story.

[@greathornedowl3644]

😥I can not imagine the emotional pain you went through, but I can applaud your getting through it and teaching others.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you for the kind words!

[@luism93g]

Bro you are incredible. you are a warrior and you can with everything, thanks from Perú.

[@kathymonica7516]

You’re a brave man!!! You’re opened my eyes to something I have never heard of!!! Education is needed!!

[@tyramey1265]

Sir, you are a brave, courageous , honorable man. May your life be smooth sailing as a result of your bravery.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

I appreciate your kind words 🙏

[@lilyloohoo1212]

When people speak up, lives change! Hearing you share your experience is absolutely amazing. Your courage in talking about this once taboo subject is soooo needed! Forever negatively altering someone’s life is unacceptable, but your story will give others the much needed chance to finally heal!

[@UdochiOkeke]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[@paulines581]

Thank you to all the men who have stood by and known about this with women of every age,race, class and religion, consistently and genuinely for ages.

[@ghostinthenetworks662]

Thank you for sharing❤️

[@Robert_L22]

I was recently talking to someone about this very subject. I grew up in the '70s and early '80s. Whenever the 10CC song "I'm Not In Love", is playing, I (like millions of others) am instantly drawn to those haunting whispers of "...Big Boys Don't Cry ...Big Boys Don't Cry ...Big Boys Don't Cry ...Big Boys Don't Cry...", and how twisted that is for males who experience trauma.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

We have come a long way since then. And there is still a long way to go!

[@kesewaadufiedonyina6289]

What happened to him was horrible in every way. Grateful for all the people who helped him heal from it

[@83joonior]

I feel stronger when others speak up. I respect you so much.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

One day you’ll help others feel stronger too!

[@josephadiaz8343]

Thank you for helping others,who are going through this or worse. You help them come out with this sadness. 🙏

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you 🙏

[@tbizzelltx]

Thank you!

[@philiphoel4290]

I am literally crying listening to this.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

A lot of tears were shed preparing for it, as well. And I still cried during the speech! Thank you for hearing my message

[@philiphoel4290]

@calvinkrainock9772 I hope that sometime I get to hear you live, if not meet you. You're doing something very necessary and powerful.

[@merm3lada393]

You are such a brave man, CJ Krainock. I´m pretty sure many more people will raise their voices because of you. Life has been so hard to you, but look at you now.. You are helping, inspiring other to embrace their whole existence. ❤

[@calvinkrainock9772]

There’s more to life than a single bad experience!

[@drew-andresvogt652]

thank you for your bravery in sharing. I wish you a continued good life.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

🙏

[@dmacbear]

So much courage to speak up. You are definitely a hero!

[@richardbowen8136]

My dear son, CJ: by the way, forgot to mention that I was a high school and college speech teacher, so your Ted talk was wonderfully constructed, beautifully delivered, and demonstrated extreme courage and dynamic control as you expressed your message and your feelings. I’ve taught over9000 students so I have some empathy about what you struggle through. I also realize what your brief message holds as powerful impact upon others that is unforgettable in terms of the way in which you make us feel. I just bumped into a student the other day gave a speech in my class, some 30 years ago and I get almost related to him Word for Word. when we talked, that triggered remembering another speech, but a freshman, boy gave it a inner cities classroom in in Flint. It was one of the most courageous speeches about race discrimination, and I can recite every word of it. You, CJ, instill ed a memorable message that can be related to others for a lifetime. thanks again, from a man who loves you for who you are

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you for your kind words. I took a speech class in high school that had a profound impact on me. I salute teachers like you who leave lasting impacts on their students!

[@C4ioPereira20]

Thanks for sharing your story CJ

[@myfriendmiranda58]

Thank you for speaking out. You are an amazing example and person. ❤️

[@noelbutler5984]

CJ, your story is heartbreaking, hiding in the washroom sounded very familiar. Happy you've become so successful 👍👍✨

[@cait.alexander]

We stand with you CJ. Thank you for opening your heart. You are whole.

[@ovidiuionescu3105]

Yeah man, amazing! You are soo resilient and brave! So painful but in the same time so insightful for the boys who doesn't speak up. You give them strenght to talk and recover. Bravo! ❤

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you!

[@anscad]

Powerful talk. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for mentoring today's youth. You are a hero!

[@calvinkrainock9772]

We have a lot of work to do. Thank you for your kind words! 🙏

[@hubertking3232]

Tyfor sharing

[@d.m.83mckay52]

Same thing happened to me.....U speak brotha..

[@Sharon-st9st]

So sorry and so moved by your speech

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you 🙏

[@anthonyagro7268]

Thank you for talking about this you have given me the curige to report the place where I live these people must stop the pain that they inflict on others

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Way to speak up!

[@lexikarayanis246]

Amazing talk, thank you so much for sharing your story

[@thomasmelton699]

Thank you for courage and strength for sharing your ordeal. This horror must end for both men and women!

[@Mona-xd6kg]

I am sorry you have gone through this

[@dallincandland]

The courage you have, CJ is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you also for casting the light on those like your teammate and the female police officer that were heroes here too. So much pain and misunderstanding can really, really hurt - especially when people don't want you to feel through your feelings and process them. I am so glad that you're sharing this message and helping build up others in your day to day life.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

They are the heroes of my story! I wish the world was full of people like them. Maybe one day it will be (or maybe it already is). Thank you for your kind words.

[@bowed305]

@@calvinkrainock9772I like that you added, "maybe it already is". I know it's easy to focus on the negatives in the world because we hear so much about them. I tend to believe, though, that there is much more good in the world than we are often led to believe.

[@FoodFunsies]

CJ, I thought you were a powerful man before this talk and now I have no doubt. I know "powerful" might feel like too strong a word, but it seems perfect to describe your specific combination of drive, experience, and character. To push beyond an event such as this must've taken tremendous will and time. So I give you my condolences for your 14-year old self and my gratitude for being the person you are today shedding light on such a suppressed topic.

[@ethanalexander-rv9yf]

thank you for being brave.

[@liznewportblack]

This is real bravery x

[@tedrice3806]

Thank you for your story

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thanks for watching!

[@SLOTHSRIDEUNICORNS]

It's about time someone spoke up.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

🙌

[@emmabls8183]

😢💔 so sad. May God heal inside out and the friend that stood by you.👌🙏😇

[@harireuben2591]

Thank you very much CJ for sharing your story. I also thank your 'hero' team mate who reported the 'horrible' incident to his parents. May God richly bless the work you are doing now to help other young men.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

He is the true hero here!

[@1La2La3La4La]

Hats off. Respect............

[@YumeBasil]

I hate how this is one of the least viewed videos on this channel.

[@BZ4MENT]

It shows that ppl don’t care fr it’s sad

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Many people feel uncomfortable discussing this topic with their friends and family or on social media. But I promise you, more people have been affected by SA than we all realize. It is worth talking about!

[@daveh4328]

God bless you! 😢

[@leonaheraty3760]

God bless you.

[@Whaddayamean13]

People don't understand that men are human too. In a relationship, when men get emotional or have emotional reactions it's "we're being aggressive" or showing "toxic masculinity" or sometimes "being weak." When women do it they're being "strong," "outspoken," and "open with their feelings." There are these preconceived ideas we have for men too, it's not just women. And when we're human and break those we still get treated like we're not acting "as we're supposed to."

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Learning to harness and control your emotions is definitely necessary, but to act like they don’t exist because you’re male is such a problem!

[@bluemoonsy]

I was assaulted at the same age in the 70s. I tried to tell two friends and a minister. None of them could handle it. I kept it all bottled up for 35 years. I tried to cover with accomplishments so no one would ever guess what was wrong with me. Finally I broke. You cannot imagine the humiliation of telling your teenage sones what had happened. With professional help, I am the happiest now that I have ever been. The next step is to stop mourning the lost yeras and live in the moment.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Absolutely. I am so happy you have come this far!

[@kimturner9309]

You are so brave and so very strong ❤

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you Kim!

[@charleslewis6815]

You are going to save boys from this in the future! Thank you!

[@andrebankston-ct6ws]

CJ, I don't believe in heroes but you are definitely a role model for everyone and how cruel some people and Society can be. Thanks for sharing your story. Also so sorry you had too suffer this pain. Wish The Best for you son.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Thank you 🙏

[@baynardrustin97]

Sick I hope you pressed charges!

[@calvinkrainock9772]

The school did. I believe there were some harsh consequences

[@donnag.3611]

OF COURSE CJ WAS NOT THE ONE THAT CAUSED ALL THE PROBLEMS, THE EMPTY HEADED VIAL ATTACKERS DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU CJ FOR YOUR COURAGE! MY HEART & MY EYES WERE IN TEARS FOR YOU.

[@calvinkrainock9772]

It took me years to realize that it wasn’t my fault. What a simple thing that is so hard to comprehend!

[@luism93g]

La ultima frase es increible, es lo que muchos necesitan saber. Ya basta de tabues sociales.

[@pangkoulee7648]

Grab the baseball bat, bois. We're going hunting. I'm so sorry you went through that. 😭 That is not okay. And that makes me angry. Kudos to the teammate. What a godlike angel. And the female officer.

[@lesterlasa3367]

Good for you speaking out

[@selispeks]

Homophobia. Homophobia is why men don't file reports when they're assaulted.

[@tthom2459]

Can't help but wonder how those perpetrators turned out

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Honestly, I don’t care. I hope they changed and are living happy lives.

[@tommunyon2874]

This is magnitudes beyond what I experienced, but I can understand the shock value of the experience. I was dancing in closed position with a woman in a nightclub. A man crossing the dance floor goosed me with his middle finger and then continued on to the exit. I was so startled that I screamed in my dance partner's ear.

[@KnightsAndDarths]

After years it's still so hard for him to talk about. "I didn't know what to do, so I froze." I don't believe this part is well understood by many, personally I've never heard it explained, I'm sure most people go why would you freeze instead of fighting back? It sounds like this irrational fear that grips you and you have no control over, and it doesn't let go, even when talking about it years down the road, you can see he was shivering on stage while recollecting the incident.

[@DannyLara-pf4vy]

Praying for you

[@beanstaIkjack]

My third time trying to watch this. Its too upsetting, too triggering, too much

[@calvinkrainock9772]

Don’t feel like you have to. Just know it’s ok to get help and you’re not alone!

[@Danplays3000]

Every one favors women it pisses me off

[@404usernamenotfound_]

Ikr

[@user-ooop]

Wht r u talking abt?

[@Danplays3000]

Men and woman and whatever should be treated the same

[@jhb61249]

Though this was not hazing per se, but there is no good hazing and should be made illegal regardless.