MEN need to have a PLAN WITH WOMEN: preventing relationship creep

I strongly recommend that a man should clarify his intentions with respect to any given woman in his life before he interacts with her. This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants. A man who does not have a plan for his life will end up a part of someone else's plan. When it comes to women, this generally happens as a result of a phenomenon called "relationship creep." I explain more in this episode.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#dating #relationship #women

[@psychacks]

I strongly recommend that a man should clarify his intentions with respect to any given woman in his life before he interacts with her. This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants. A man who does not have a plan for his life will end up a part of someone else's plan. When it comes to women, this generally happens as a result of a phenomenon called "relationship creep." I explain more in this episode. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzbin.info/door/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #dating #relationship #women

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

This is why I only show up to validate myself when it comes to talking to women. If they chase me and validate me, then great. If they don’t, who cares. How can I be upset about being ghosted by someone who I was already not taking seriously (meaning I was effectively ghosting their worth to begin with)?

[@MarkCarwyn]

Men need to just ignore women altogether. It is dangerous for a man to have any type of relationship with a woman. Women are extremely self centered. Men should walk away from women. That is how we deal with their accusations that are taken as fact, by society. Women DO NOT deserve men.

[@ccar1332]

The only fly in the ointment is, that I don't know when I first meet them, if I want to be with them as a long term partner. I need to get to know them and let them know that I am looking for a long term partner, but in all cases so far, I don't want to be tied down by them. I enjoy their company for a few days, and then I need to get away. I tend to attract a narcissistic personality, that takes a while to reveal itself.

[@apreviousseagle836]

How do I plan that I vehemently do not want kids?

[@lizzi437]

@@apreviousseagle836 Snip Snip!

[@JJ-wi2uw]

"When a man marries a woman he hopes that she doesn't change. When a woman marries that man, she hopes that he does."

[@SuperSaverPlays]

And when he does, she will use the fact he changed as an excuse to demand an open relationship

[@nmbr1son64]

Both are unrealistic expectations...

[@munkqiking7207]

@@nmbr1son64 Indeed it is Tommy. People seem to forget that theyre human afterall. Egos getting too big for their breeches 😂

[@drivventodrumm1]

Exactly! Women quit being affectionate, lose interest in sex, are only interested in you working and making as much money as humanly possible. Men basically stay the same until they get tired of working their asses off and getting very little appreciation. This is very common from my research

[@aafgahfah]

“Each is inevitably disappointed”

[@HD46409]

You not only need a plan and some benchmarks, you need the balls to walk out. That second part is where men often fail.

[@pauljimerson8218]

Just because you got some doesn't mean you have to stay and the inverse as well don't stay just in hopes of getting some

[@lightworker2956]

True, but then the issue is that most men simply don't have a lot of choice (or they think they don't). Hard to walk out then.

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

When a man finally excepts and understands what a woman truly offers a man (wet hole & companionship), that's when he's happy.

[@qua7771]

I think men's first priority should be financial planning, health, and wellness. Without that we have nothing. That being the case, relationship planning has to fall in line, or all bets are off. A woman's first priority may be relationship planning, and if so there'll be constant conflict.

[@richardmartyn7865]

You can't walk away from children...missed the point entirely.

[@Action_Savage_]

“If a man knows not which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” ~ Seneca Such a good topic. Part of being masculine is having a purpose and striving for it. To bumble around aimlessly like trash in the wind is how you become lost and bitter at the world.

[@peopleofearth6250]

STFU. Either improve yourself or simply move somewhere else. Those are your only two options. Anything else is literally just noise. If you don't like that then tough shit. Be better. Improve yourself. Get gud.

[@ObiAmajoyiSrMD]

PREACH. That was very insightful

[@tomquagliata9381]

“A man can find himself living in a situation that is almost unrecognizable from the way he wanted to live.” Profound.

[@gevans5446]

It's the frog in the pot of water effect. If you turn the heat up very gradually, the frog will slowly boil to death without attempting to jump out.

[@Bazzguit]

That happened to me last year. The situation indeed was unrecognizable from the way it started.

[@JWO0413]

That definitely happened to me.

[@nickthompson1812]

@@gevans5446 the inescapable death cycle of loneliness.

[@GeorgeLista]

Profound stupidity perhaps.

[@carl_aryee]

This guy is like a waaaay more refined version of Alexander grace and coach rp, I really like how he's articulating the male experience, you're doing a really dope job sir.

[@profet1385]

That's right. Lots of comments under his videos are way dumber, tho, than the guy deserves. I hope that changes and more men will open up honestly about their experiences instead of writing shallow one liners.

[@choc4101]

​@@profet1385 thought the exact same things, @both comments

[@izeejams4914]

@@profet1385 Don’t worry, dude hired a comments moderator. I already see way less misogynistic comments

[@ccar1332]

Alexander Grace is an evolutionary social biologist who helps with relationships, and this guy is a psychologist and relationship coucillor. Both are important for a full understanding. Just different sides of the same apple. They complement each other in our understanding of relationships. It is nuanced and interwoven, so I believe it is important to listen to both.

[@TOTCD]

I agree

[@thedalillama]

Looking back on life as a middle-aged man, no surprise, I realize you need to live every facet of your entire life with intention to have the best results over all areas of your life. The little stuff does not fall into place by focusing on the most important aspects of life or the big picture. I wish I would have understood this at 22. Better late than never though.

[@mehdineverquits]

As a current 22 year old myself, do you mind expanding on more examples on how to apply these concepts universally? Much appreciated

[@thedalillama]

@@mehdineverquits let's say you could define a life by X things, if you don't set standards and goals for even seemingly mundane or trivial things and take steps toward reaching those standards and goals, the odds are you will end up with mediocre results. Some examples... If you don't plan to be healthy and take steps to stay healthy, you'll end up overweight in your 50s. I was just at a get together and was looking at the people there. Half the people looked like bags stuffed with potatoes. Who would want that for themselves? If you make friends out of convenience because you worked with them or knew them in school, you may end up with friends that you don't have much in common with. So, you should go out of way to find people with common interests early in life. The older you get, the less likely you are to make new friends. You'll probably want a vacation home some day. Define that early and take steps to buy it. If you wait too long, you may never buy a property. The example in the video is one of the most important. If you don't set standards for what you want in a relationship/partner you'll end up floating through life, dating a bunch of people, and never really being statisfied with your relationship. I have watched female friends do this and it ended up with them panicking when the window closed on them having children. You should start by writing down all the things that make life - spouse, family, friends, career, health, education, cultural enrichment, hobbies, home ownership, investing, spiritual enrichment, etc. Prioritize them. Set specific measurable goals within each. Recognize that it takes effort to achieve anything. None of this is particularly novel. It's just basic goal setting. My takeaway is that even the small things take effort. Based on my observation, people have tended to focus on two to three big things and have been complacent about everything else. Complacency produces mediocre results. Time really does pass by fast and we should make the most of the time we have on earth.

[@mehdineverquits]

@@thedalillama I really appreciate this. I’m glad you specified, mainly because I have found that for most of my life, I have been unable to do most things that I wanted to (at least initially) because I was inundated and paralysed by the fear of overthinking; thus, I had to really just “do” what I had to do (e.g sign up for the gym, sign up to learn language, etc) without thinking too much about it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have done those things because my fear would’ve gotten the better of me. However, like you said, tracking small things are priceless. Last year, I was 230 lbs because I never bothered to know how many calories were in my food, etc. When I finally humbled myself to get a calorie tracker, have a basic understanding of the food I was able to eat, etc, I literally lost 40 lbs in 4 months. I was still eating crap, but, I understood the amount I could have. This makes me only imagine if I put in the small, but extra, effort actually eat nutritious foods of value 24/7. All in all, I am starting to see the necessity of having clear, tangible goals for your life to have some sort of trajectory for yourself for excellence in all parts of your life. Again, I appreciate this comment!

[@StephenPuddicombe1]

At 50 years old I'm in that boat running parallel to you. Thanks for your comment.

[@StephenPuddicombe1]

​@@mehdineverquitsthanks for asking the question, even if 50 years old I have the same question.

[@Goku_8.]

We try to avoid conflict, arguments and we end up being permissive in relationships and regretting it after. Not knowing yourself hurts you the most so pain is self inflicted. Self love is necessary

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

Conflict is necessary as well. I hate people who are like “I avoid conflict” So you don’t know how to win and stand strong for your position? Well how can I respect anything about this?

[@albertwesker8883]

@@marcusmcgraw3519 avoiding conflict is like avoiding something in your body hurting, it will only get worse and eventually too late to fix, even tho it could have been fixed earlier.

[@niallk9336]

A lot of men also genuinely want to spoil the women in their life, from an altruistic place. It takes most men years to realize what that spoiling really does.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

@@niallk9336 totally agreed. They come to realize that they EXPECT spoiling after a while. Then when the man doesn’t want to live up to it, she understandably resents him because it’s not what she signed up for. If men stopped simping this wouldn’t happen

[@Junoj101]

Conflict is not a bad thing if it's civil. If it's not, it's time to you to go.

[@sontodosnarcos]

This stuff should be taught at school. It is about time young people are taught early on not to ruin their lives with poor decisions. Happy, self aware and content people are the basis of a healthy society.

[@nakedfeetkitchen]

Where do I sign the petition

[@MrRockus]

I learn't this the hard way when my first marriage failed. I made sure that the second time around the woman knew what I wanted/needed. However, be careful. Just because she initially agrees to your relationship terms, doesn't mean that she will keep her end of the bargain.

[@gary.richardson]

Basically becomes your word against hers.

[@johangoethe2472]

"When a man marries a woman he hopes that she doesn't change. When a woman marries that man, she hopes that he does." This is a comment from a person above in this box.

[@fiarobamo]

Any updates?

[@menumlor9365]

What did you want and needed? I’m curious to know.

[@gevans5446]

From a man who has seen more than his share of broken promises, I can vouch for this.

[@ralphwallen6907]

Married 22 years. My ship has definitely landed at the wrong port. I am going to have this conversation with my wife at some point. I'm going to share this with my son. Best advice I was never given.

[@pz3j]

Have your bags packed!

[@cheikhniang2693]

I don't think it's something you have to talk with your wife. I think you have to embrace it and act.

[@danmcqueen5295]

Exactly what happened to me. She wanted kids. We had 7. Then, she turned them against me, took 1/2 our shit. This was her plan from day one.

[@tallspicy]

@@danmcqueen5295unlikely. I see your lack of self reflection is allowing you to be a victim, learn nothing, blame her instead of becoming a better partner. Were you just another one of those children she had to raise. Any women who leaves a man after 7 kids did so for a good reason, as she will have a hard time repartnering.

[@judgedredd8876]

All 7 kids are against you? Still? Come on! Either you are the "bad" one or the kids got her genes (mostly).

[@mgtowski395]

It's a gamble . . . literally. She is the casino, you are the mark. Go in knowing what you're willing to lose, enjoy your time, and know when to leave.

[@roccocarlino067]

Just don't enter the casino

[@rehakmate]

If its a gamble for you, you are an incompetent loser

[@StephenPuddicombe1]

​@@roccocarlino067lol 😂

[@UmamiPapi]

What a deeply unhealthy view.

[@mgtowski395]

@@UmamiPapi Just reality. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

[@tammy6452]

I heard your phrase, "If you do not have a plan for your life, someone else does, " and the person I heard it from said, "You are not going to like it."

[@thinman8621]

Sound advice here. I used the old "Happy wife, Happy life" approach to a relationship. Got myself managed and nagged into a world she created and controlled. She is gone now. Often was not happy in her world. Getting control of my life back was not easy.

[@monkeyboyalcoholic]

Men are Captains and Women are Pirates. Brilliant insight as usual. I have experienced the "creep" not in just wanting sex and ending up in something more, but in sharing my plans and collaborating with hers only to be endlessly pushed through the demand for concessions. I agree that many relationship problems turn on a lack of planning or communication, but I frankly have come to believe that many if not most women intentionally disregard their partners wishes and set about trying to change them. Just as JJ pointed out. It's a bit different in that it's not miscommunication or lack of focus; it's women deciding that his plans are subordinate to hers.

[@stean90]

Whoever has the higher (perceived) SMV, self worth, or power chooses how things will go and which rules are played. It’s either her or you and it’s better be you as a man. Only way to this is become the powerful high value man with tons of self esteem and get with a girl lower than you. Then set the rules and stick to it. Thanks for the video Orion, very important topic of today.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

@@stean90 you have very good analysis, but I don’t agree with getting with a girl lower than you. This is why men so often fail to use their power effectively. They always date down and make girls think they deserve far more than they do If you’re a high value man, you’ve worked your whole life to be able to get whatever girls you feel like. Don’t get a girl below you. It will only perpetuate the fact that men aren’t shit

[@georgeelder8415]

That's when you DTB...

[@fiveleavesleft6521]

From an evolutionary standpoint women have far more inherent value than men (sperm cheap, eggs expensive). Women being solipsistic would have been selected for down millions of millennia. It's one of the fundamental differences between male and female psychology.

[@niallk9336]

@@stean90 Every 4 today thinks she's a 10 based on how her besties gas her up, social media, faux attention from guys she doesn't even like, etc. She will compare her life to the 9 in her social group, and demand the same concessions from men. But she's not that girl. And her friends will tell her that's the bare minimum, and sabotage the relationship. So you can't operate from this dynamic.

[@KeiPyn24]

Well said. Part of the reason my marriage fell a part is me not maintaining frame and communicate my plan to my spouse. Men, if you choose LTR, Have a business plan. A route of egress, and what you expect from yourself and the woman in your life. If you can't do that, don't ho LTR. Simple. Thank-you Dr.

[@marcusmcgraw3519]

Exactly why I won’t do an LTR. Relationships are a man made prison and you’re doing time

[@JoseDiaz-rd9fh]

Most relationships fail due to current culture more than anything. The authority of a man in a relationship has been for the most part successfully subverted. Not only that but most women have been indoctrinated to varying degrees to hate men and the traditional family structure. It simply makes zero sense to engage seriously with modern women because their obligations are fluid and completely voluntary, moreover they can stop preforming them well before a marriage is ever over. A man's obligations can easily continue long after the divorce and very often do.

[@JS-mh1fh]

Wow, ​@@marcusmcgraw3519, it seems you've not had any good relationships. Lol.

[@arnoldvilleneuve8397]

I am going through this right now. 60 years old. Lost my wife of 35 years just 3 years ago. Just now starting to look around for female companionship. I am experiencing the effects of female hypergamic desires. I do not want to get married and I do not want to move in with someone. I met a really nice lady and on the forth date she gets to the point that she is looking for a man to marry and move in with within 12 to 18 months. I made it very clear that I am not looking to get married and not looking to move in with someone. It is only the second woman I date as I start to explore this new reality I find myself in. Thanks to your videos and others I am cutting bait and will start fishing anew. Only the next time the relationship requirements will be fully upfront on the first date. I only want to be in a relationship with one woman but I don't want to get married and I don't want to move in with her. That message will be made perfectly clear on the first date.

[@susanhaines7358]

Use words like casual, friends with benefits, hook up. You will get all you want with those terms

[@dadmiraldankbar3720]

I really hate that you’re right… this was the story of my marriage that I finally escaped from.

[@ibizawavey8630]

Dude most guys are like this, lonely, fall into one and just let it drag on because they don't want to be alone.

[@watamutha]

Well it's harder now too. Harder to make a living and being on your own.

[@Magusgulf]

@@ibizawavey8630 Facts

[@DragonNo1]

Very nicely presented! It fits with my experience 100%. Recall a few times where I noticed "the relationship creep" developing smoothly and managed to pull the plug off, as I detected that these women had no respect for my plan, which is to say they didn't have respect for me and what I wanted in life. To these days I proudly remember these occasions where I walked out, and avoided these nightmares. Women are experts in sugar coating their intentions, and resort to self-victimization for disarming a man of their most valued attributes: his courage and independence. When you become aware of women's tactics, then, it becomes easier to detect a mine field, because this isn't love, it's selfishness at its highest.

[@Mikaeel84]

I followed this plan and 9 years in the woman I am with got pregnant when she wasn't supposed to be able to and now she uses that as leverage to completely change the dynamic of our relationship because she knows I don't want my daughter to grow up in a broken home like I did. All the way up until then she was okay with the old school relationship I wanted to have where a man is in the leadership role of the family. Now she's "not my slave or maid" as I fully take care of our family financially, she drives a considerably nicer car than mine that I pay for, threatens to leave when she used to beg me not to, doesn't clean or do chores half as much, stop taking care of herself and says ridiculous things like being a stay-at-home mom of one child is worth about $150,000 a year. Choose wisely my friends.

[@martinkornaus3948]

Dude! You're in a broken home now, that's how narcissistic personality types manipulate to get what they want. Worse, your daughter is being 'taught' that this is ok. I know from painful experience, my daughter when she was 23 couldn't handle me setting a boundary a firm NO as she was stealing 50 to 100 bucks a week from my paypal for gourmet pizza. I offered numerous times to give her the same amount if she would be respectful and ask me. Haven't heard from her for 7 years, a distant cousin told me a few years back that I was better off without her... in hindsight and after experiencing two more dysfunctional partners I agree with my cousin. Big lesson, have that fight, set the boundaries firmly, lovingly and kindly and definitively be prepared to walk away. Your horizons will open up

[@Mikaeel84]

@@martinkornaus3948 crazy thing is she calls me a narcissist. I even started questioning myself and took a test and I scored average far from narcissistic. I guess the way I look at it is maybe it's better for my daughter to only have her as a bad influence instead of her and whatever crappy dude she picks being a bad influence while I'm not around because at best I could get shared custody.

[@justathinker8669]

​@@Mikaeel84tough choice. Feel bad for you and daughter. Especially because she was best behavior for so long and changed after. Or perhaps you missed the red flags. Can happen to anyone.

[@Mikaeel84]

@@justathinker8669 hind sight 20/20 I saw the red flags but hoped for the best and planned for what I thought would be the worst. But she wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant and for about 9 years couldn't. So the worst was worse than I could have possibly imagined. I guess if anybody could take a lesson from my situation it is always plan as if she can get pregnant even if a doctor says otherwise.

[@FearNvl]

Walk away. I was in a similar situation. It will hurt for a while but you'll get better.

[@seriouslyshortofnormal925]

"If I'm encroaching on your boundaries, and I'm smart about it, I'll encroach just to the point where you start to protest, and then I'll stop. I'll wait for you to calm down and then start the process over again. I'll repeat this process ad infinitum until you're miles away from where you started." Jordan Peterson That's called grooming.

[@ajseb]

Always have a plan, not just for women, but for life 💯

[@LisaMarie-eh7up]

Great advice for everyone! I think you’re giving women more credit than is due - I think just as many women are lost as well. I think the solution is either don’t settle down with someone unless you know who you are or find a partner that is willing to be patient. Or perhaps find someone else that is finding their path and go together. Thanks.

[@coolbreeze2.0-mortemadfasc13]

Literally dealing with this right now. More and more things have been left at my house.

[@peopleofearth6250]

Then improve yourself. Quit whining.

[@Anleifr]

Absolutely 100%. If you don't have a plan, you will be someone else's plan whether you like it or not. This is probably the most important video I have ever seen on KZbin. So many men fall into this at their own demise to only figure it out when it is too late. Every man should be told these words at a young age!

[@colleenbarcheski3301]

I'm a woman, and I'm enjoying your insight and advice. True fellas.

[@peopleofearth6250]

Complaining about things on the internet get you nowhere. Try getting results instead.

[@MuantanamoMobile]

@@peopleofearth6250 How is she complaining?

[@courtneywielander3296]

​@@peopleofearth6250correct. So shut up.

[@alexenciu9708]

@@peopleofearth6250 She was not complaining..

[@peopleofearth6250]

@@MuantanamoMobile You're complaining by being the type of person you are while saying things on the Internet. Same as her.

[@drivventodrumm1]

A big problem is women pretend they are someone they’re not in order to trap a man.

[@JT-cl9np]

Women pull da ole Cummings trap of 💋+👅>🌭

[@killjoyredux8361]

Indeed

[@JoseDiaz-rd9fh]

Both can do it and sometimes lie to our selves. Though I will concede women do this at a much greater rate because our culture doesn't hold women accountable like we used to.

[@Kat-ji6hq]

You are describing all the men I have dated.

[@drivventodrumm1]

@@Kat-ji6hq men lie to get laid, and women pretend they’re someone else to get a commitment

[@scorpa6929]

This guy keeps knocking them out of the park.

[@mrsimo7144]

You literally just nailed a man's life going in blind. Just in it for the end goal, you will pay. Painfully. Thanks so much. ❤

[@peopleofearth6250]

Get gud then. Problem solved 😎

[@Pedant_Patrol]

Love the subject-verb agreement. Too rare these days. Yes, people; the word "none" takes a singular verb.

[@mattgraves3709]

I would say this is probably the best men's growth and dating type channel on KZbin. I really do enjoy Alexander Grace Also, but these videos hit the nail on the head for what I have experienced in relationships in my 44 years on this planet. I do wish however that I knew this stuff before. I got married and spent 12 years in a pretty horrible relationship and then went through a really horrible divorce... My biggest problem was thinking that women were like men and that we all had the same types of motivations and values. Thank you so much for this video playlist!

[@ObiAmajoyiSrMD]

Great comment. I agree and feel the same way about pretty much everything he said.

[@joelpratley9248]

Ooft essentially why I left my previous relationship. I could fill it in my bones, I felt like I was living in her dream. It was my fault, I had reached a goal then that was it, I had no further goals, the ship was lost! Gotta keep growing, gotta keep extending that vision when you reach a peak and decide who is and who is not, going to tackle that next leg to the next mountain top!

[@atul9380]

This is gold standard advice and applies to much of life. We have to be focused and deliberate in pretty much every area and where we slack off or go through the motions is where we’ll end up frustrated, resentful and bitter.

[@matthewmaguire3554]

I was so down the rabbit hole of LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, EVERYTHING AND THE BIG PICTURE that when she came along I felt blessed to have someone to take care of the “little pictures’…but slowly I was angled into a little frame and hung out on a broken light pole in the street…curiosity survived though.

[@stevensolof7058]

This is a particularly good one Orion. Well done.

[@EdwardGranville]

You just keep hitting the bullseye with your videos! A quick evaluation made very clear to me how things I did plan and protect materialized and how the rest drifted/creeped into another direction

[@kristopherthomas7166]

These videos on the business of relationships are awesome. I’ll be supporting and sharing far and wide.

[@YouilAushana]

Yep, I do my thing in my life and you do yours. We can cohabitate and respect each other boundaries.

[@louissavoy4832]

@psycHacks:This is one of your best short-clips so far. Concise, clear, well- communicated. Truly a pleasure to listen to.

[@bdgregorybd]

That does it, I’m liking and subscribing. Thanks for the quality content Doc.

[@pedrobarbieri5039]

Can’t say enough how helpful your content has been to me. More power to you!

[@leyenda6149]

Please consider making more videos expanding on the main ideas from this one. I can't believe i only just discovered this amazing channel that i am now binging!

[@tamjamtv]

It has been like pulling teeth asking this man what are his plans!! I have been very clear about my desires, values etc in order to create the opportunity to know if we're in alignment....if I am able to support him on his journey. This has been going on almost 3years now and I've resorted to the reasoning that he is not a leader &/or his plan doesn't coincide with anything I've said so he rather not state & hope that I will blindly follow....which I am definitely NOT doing. So this is it for me. Enough time has been invested. Enough is enough

[@TheAustrianPainter87]

Stop giving him access to your womb and you'll quickly find out what his plans are.

[@johnlibonati7807]

He’s not that into you. He might not even realize it.

[@DNA350ppm]

Yes, he is slimy and keeps you for his convenience. Make a new life plan for yourself and add clear tests for the man - if he has a good plan he passes your tests without difficulty, if he hasn't, you don't invest your precious years. Take into account that some men might lie about "love" when they should say sex - talking about creepy. Indeed, enough is enough. You have every chance to find real love and happiness!

[@donatello9482]

Not trying to be judgmental as I can’t really determine your personality from a paragraph on KZbin. But you come off as demanding. Sometimes you have a give people time to figure themselves out. It seems like you know what you want and thus you’re impatient when you don’t see that same energy on potential mates. This can come off as unnecessary intimidation to a man. Some might even call you masculine. Ps. I wanted my comment to be focused on you because sometimes we don’t do enough self reflection to understand why we get the same results.

[@DNA350ppm]

@@donatello9482 It is great for a woman to get a clear respons - if she comes off as intimidating to a certain man, it is good for her to know, that he is not courageous enough for her. Sometimes the difference in maturity, self-awareness, and life-experience is simply too big - in the long run he will resent her for being so much ahead of him. She cannot shrink to please him, if she tries to, she will resent him before too long. A mother gives a child time and patience to grow and figure themselves out - but partners should be on a level playing field, to be compatible. The best thing a man can do, if he is interested in a woman that feels a bit scary, is to take on the challenge and grow fast! It is his own "Anima" calling him to the adventure of his life! It's the start of the "Hero's" journey. No bargaining. Men are not always so willing to learn through formal education, but this path, via attraction, is the age-old mythological and proven one. The alluring woman is the guide to the "Princess". (This job as a stand-in mother and teacher for grown up men, is not what women go around and long for, they don't want to be cheated into taking it on for years.) It is really hard for young women to see through how men function, when men out of vanity and sex-drive don't disclose it themselves. Who writes the honest book "Games Men Play"?

[@mxm4895]

Orion, This is one of your best videos. Thank you!

[@dime7612]

Yes. I am a 50 year old woman who literally looks and has the essence of a vibrant 35 year old on my bad days. Not being stuck up, just saying. Even so, I am 50. I’ve been thru things, I have experience, I am wiser than when I was younger. Because of that, the 25 year old guy I was friends with for two weeks and then dated for another 3 weeks, is not gonna be able to continue. Why?!?! Because of exactly what this video just talked about, and I was the one to point all this out to him before I even saw this video. Guys!!!! Have a plan. Stick to it. Make it be known. Don’t deviate. If someone who was a friend turns out to be someone you want to be with long term, make it be known than too, but trying to just be on auto pilot with a woman, especially an older woman, and think we aren’t gonna see right thru you, is just plain ignorant. granted some autistic types really may not get the social cues, but you know what I mean. Woman want to know what is up! If you just want a night out or companionship and/or sex, fine, but say so and don’t blur lines. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. if you don’t want a relationship long term, don’t be calling and texting and carrying on like you do. Sorry, life is filled with hard lessons and it requires discipline. This past guy was saying he doesn’t know what he wants with his life, but he likes me and wanted to date me and only me and see how it would go. Ahhhhh, how can I go into that strong?!?! I can’t. I know the video wasn’t about age, but none the less, guys. You can’t have a relationship unless you know you want one. you may not know exactly with who, but you have to be ready for a relationship. Sooooooo many people end up in relationships that they just went along with. 5-10 years later, you end up feeling exhausted and off if not completely destroyed. This past guy would say he doesn’t want a relationship, but than dote on me like he did. So confusing. I finally had to just tell him you aren’t thinking straight cuz you need to date someone who can have kids with you still, and you aren’t being honest. you are saying one thing and doing another. I as well do not want to end up on the Wrong ship!

[@StephenPuddicombe1]

I'm a 50-year-old man, thanks for clarifying that for us guys. I've always had plans for my life and clearly defined but because of lots of extrenuous events in the last 5 years my plans were no longer the same. I got into a relationship this last year wanting to have a relationship that ended up failing because I no longer knew what my plan was. Just want to say this to confirm to the younger guys that this gal is correct 👍

[@WaterBottle54]

I agree with everything you said. I ended up marrying a woman who I originally only intended to be a one night stand. Don't be like me. Make a plan and don't fall victim to relationship creep.

[@peopleofearth6250]

Be better.

[@dopefreshness77]

How the hell does that happen? And how’s the marriage

[@kwakester]

What I leaned from my brief marriage is that women can change after you put a ring on them (so something worse than you had seen to date), and men tend not to change, even though the woman often thinks she'll be able to change him after marriage. It was either become a relenter, or leave - without anything in between. Very sad part of human nature (and I know it doesn't cover everyone 100%, but I believe it generally be true).

[@peopleofearth6250]

STFU. Improve yourself. Try harder. Be better. Get gud. Those are your only options. Get over it. Stop complaining.

[@trucid2]

I've heard so many men say that their wife changed for the worse after marriage, but I've yet to hear a single man say the opposite.

[@ruelfunelas9389]

This is one that I have kept listening to and will keep listening!..thanks coach!!

[@kylehogg2780]

Best video I have watched. I have countless times when it was clear a woman had a plan for me. When the plan didn't align with what I wanted we parted ways despite mutual attraction.

[@Juduh]

Very true and good video. A woman can quite easily sway a man into marrying her just through tiny concessions.

[@FailsafeZero]

This perfectly explains many of my past relationships.

[@HouseOfGrudge]

I wish I found your videos in the lead up and straight after my divorce, but I’m thankful I found you anyways. You make things ultra clear. Thank you

[@jasonanderson875]

I want to thank you for your videos. They have really helped me in my last two relationships. I wish i could have gotten this kind of content twenty years ago, i'd be in a better place right now.

[@peopleofearth6250]

Be better.

[@garcher2]

This is an important discussion. Yeah, set your goals, have a vision, assert your direction, and frame it to showcase the plumage of your mindset - it's what attracts partnership and success. Men do this instinctually when they work together. Birds do it and so do bees

[@302shmed]

Mindset plumage!

[@ObiAmajoyiSrMD]

word of the day: PLUMAGE Great comment too!

[@mrsimo7144]

Thanks Additionally to this. The ex narc who caused my seizure in December, has just been described to a tee only through my blasé, go with the wind attitude. Thanks again for this. ❤

[@shinom0ri]

This was a very insightful description of the standard male/female relationship interaction.

[@TheReddances]

Talks the MOST sense I have ever heard online across a range of vids! This is another one right on the money, with a truth I can see in retrospect over most of my relationships. I had recognised that truth some time ago by the time the last liaison came along, featuring moves so laughably predictable and clumsy, I actually wondered whether she was THAT simple that those were her only/best stages of "relationship creep" or just, insultingly, thought that I was so simple that I would not notice. In fact, both positions were true. I was, admittedly, guilty of never crystalising even to myself what I wanted, nor to her, therefore... I just kinda hoped that THIS time might be different; with too much else on my plate to also now martial an involvement. She was really in a hurry (because of her circumstances?), so clunkily rushed herself along, even though declaring defiantly that she, unlike others, "DOES NOT HAVE AN AGENDA!" - one of the very few things she said with any power. Right! 🙄 She was absolutely, with entitlement, beginning to take the piss by the time I ordered close of play!

[@OmniscientlyMe]

Women don't really have to put effort into the getting laid part, so of course they have lots of time to think about things beyond that. Men are just relieved to get that far and want to rest a bit once they're at that goal. They don't always realize that it's also a new starting line.

[@Truman77.]

Yes agree men need to have plans, but also women need to openly reveal their plans too. Are these long term or short term goals, or subject to change? Life is complicated.

[@ssing7113]

It’s it’s quite easy to know what a woman wants 95% of the time. It’s called long term commitment and marriage. Very few hoes in reality. Ask what they’re looking for. See their reaction when u tell them you just want sex..

[@TheKarlslok]

I agree with this message, and have learned something new today. Thanks, great video!

[@mathieutrepanier5867]

Thank you for this episode!

[@davidthomspson9771]

My plan is to remain single

[@pazzodi3]

Single with mingles

[@albertwesker8883]

Nowadays that's most women's plan too, men should accept it and work on enjoying single life, the way most women today are. Hobbies, travel, going out, etc. Nothing wrong with wanting to live a single life.

[@davidthomspson9771]

@@pazzodi3 single with mingles is just fine

[@Alex.Kalashnik]

@@albertwesker8883 Unless you want to establish a legacy and build a dynasty.

[@peopleofearth6250]

Get results. Stop not getting results.

[@lizzi437]

"This gives him coherence with respect to his words and actions, and makes it much more likely that he will get what he wants." This will also make it more likely that the woman gets what she wants. It's a mutual thang. (It is always refreshing to meet a man who knows what he wants up front.)

[@peopleofearth6250]

Get gud.

[@ammarraza7327]

Thanks for the knowledge. Eternally grateful!!

[@elimarc3891]

Wow. No joke!! This gentleman is a legend.

[@MBTIinRealLife]

It fits well with my own experiences. Today she leaves her toothbrush, tomorrow she's having half of your cloths at my place. I had to tell her that I'm not interested in her in this way that resulted in her taking offence. It happens gradually, if you're chosen as a target, a woman will subtly slant things into commitment.

[@ssing7113]

That’s not her problem. That’s your problem not communicating that at the beginning you wanted sex only. You were a pansy liar who wanted to get in her pants so you threw things out such as opportunities for something greater or left questions open ended to give false impressions Once again. Take ownership you allowed this from the beginning not be open and honest with your actual intentions and now we have another case of a damaged woman roaming the streets thanks to you’re not being a man

[@BruceLeo100]

So damn true as someone that went through the 1st phases of a relationship it did not work out but after the separation as i focused on myself and found myself as a MAN i knew exactly what i wanted my life to become and thrived for it by making friends networking and getting more active and keeping fit. I don't know how or why but women have a sense of someone who is matured and Stable both mentally and emotionally and women are attractive when your focused on yourself as they are naturally followers by nature and looking for a leader to take the reigns.

[@peopleofearth6250]

Quit whining.

[@goldilocks913]

Wonderful reminder that was at the exact moment l needed to hear it 🙏

[@chrisgoeswest9882]

Your insights are always useful, but good grief this one was on another level.

[@michaelesq.atpcfii.9862]

I know I do. I tell her FWB only and if they don't like it the door is over there >>>>>>>> If she starts leaving personal items at my place, it is immediately hidden from the next girl, returned, or goes in trash.

[@ichdu7310]

Thanks you talked about me, I did send your video back in time to the 16 years younger version of myself before I entered the relationship with my now soon to be divorced ex-wife. Maybe I can make it better the 2nd time and never meet and engage with her.

[@roccocarlino067]

They're ALL he same my friend. Stay single and happy

[@edwardyoutube]

Incredibly useful, as usual.

[@yhvhsaves5197]

Thank you for the wake-up call, Doc.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

Guys relationship goals are physical intimacy. Women relationship goals are financial security and babies. Both parties can behave reprehensibly in achieving their goals. If you are a low value guy with a scarcity mindset then you are going to have to pay up one way or another if you want a woman (e.g. provide babies, child support, financial security aka marriage). If you are a high value guy with an abundance mindset then you can move onto the next women if the current women doesn't measure up. Consequently, its important to know who you are (leader or follower), what your woman really wants from you (gold digger? child support digger?), and understand the divorce/ child custody/ pre-nup/ child support system in your jurisdiction.

[@lightworker2956]

Sometimes. Some women just want to be with a hot guy.

[@mediocreman2]

You can also be a low value guy with an abundance mindset.

[@marriagecausesdivorce7540]

@@mediocreman2 that's called delusional

[@supremereader7614]

It's not easy, we get mocked for just trying to be a friend; get emotionally trashed if we try to move beyond that.

[@isaaccastro4846]

Stop trying to build relationships with the same kind of women you have been doing, explore new hobbies or something to meet new people

[@davidlawson4281]

One of your most useful videos. Thanks.

[@jameslaiola4976]

Very well facilitated. Thank you. All of us Men are truly suffering. Because just as mentioned above---a man doesn't get out of her plan.

[@morganoox3838]

stop saying "if you're liking what you're hearing". NOBODY wants to hear this stuff. Even if it's exactly what we need to hear. Which it is. And thank you for saying this.

[@WawrzyniecTheIII]

Always had a plan (Although it may of been dumb at times), however I didn't shoot for the stars... I know I'm in a boat, and they don't fly....

[@ruelfunelas9389]

Great vid! Thanks coach!!👍👏

[@ProfessorMiles]

This fits with my experience but I usually hit this moment around 3 to 6 months. I strive to be more intentional with my questions and conversations in dating now to make sure I do not find myself in committed actions before I really want to. Be great men. Stay clear and on your purposeful living.

[@joshy2joshy]

As much as I appreciate the effort put into these self help videos, you can't be in this loop forever, it only reinforces the barrier between connection.

[@shinom0ri]

Cryptic comment, can you clarify what you mean?

[@joshy2joshy]

@@shinom0ri I was talking about my own experience, constantly watching this kind of content and being stuck in a loop, is this the kind of thinking that aids us? Is there room for any other styles of thinking in life? I've been enjoying my music instead of watching this content as much, I've gotten sick of watching it.

[@shinom0ri]

​@@joshy2joshyI understand the sentiment. I've also at times felt the "analysis paralysis" self-help videos can evoke. I however, think this video in particular is more useful than most self-help advice when it comes to dating and relationship advice. I think a lot of men end up feeling trapped in relationships and marriage, not really seeing where “it all went wrong”. Not realizing it was a war of attrition they never even knew they were fighting - if you’ll forgive the unflattering analogy. I also think the advice in this video extends beyond male to female relationships. It might as well be applied to any kind of relationship, even your relationship with yourself. Proactivity has many benefits to passivity, in most avenues of life. I assume none of this is controversial to you. I would however make the argument that watching self-help videos without actively implementing the advice, for example watching this video but not going on dates or pursuing a relationship, is not self-help. It is a form of procrastination and self-deception.

[@joshy2joshy]

​@@shinom0ri That is probably one of the best replies I've had to my relatively vague initial comment. I can absolutely agree with you on the last part. However, my stance on assertiveness/passivity (taking action vs not taking action) is ones choice and there's pros and cons to both. Jordan Peterson put it best "pick your poison", you have to pick something to do, pick a sacrifice in life and go for it. Relationships are all give/take with many sacrifices made. If I choose to be caring and loving, that can be taken away at a moments notice, I am not afraid to show investment, as long as it's an appropriate amount for the current stage of the relationship. The ability to adjust based on how the other person responds is key, if they're being kind, accepting and there's no stench in the air, you don't have to pull away or do any push/pull dynamics, overt manipulation is in my eyes absolutely unacceptable and if that ever happened I'd stand up for myself immediately. I think the key to relationships is to hold the stance that you know you matter. I have been waffling on a bit, thanks for reading, also I do tend to agree with you on most of what you have said, whatever works for you really, everyone has different circumstances and personalities.

[@ObiAmajoyiSrMD]

@@shinom0ri in your comment, ending with the word deception, you seemingly overlooked the concept and importance of a moment for self reflection and situational analysis. That is equally, if not more important, then simply rushing into implementing.

[@ianarn]

I would have lived with and have children with my last girlfriend but the relationship had several large arguments that were very hard to resolve with her and she triangulated me with several different men every month which I found disrespectful and narcissistic in nature.

[@killjoyredux8361]

Best it ended then. Those women destroy lives

[@yeahnahsweetas]

Can you elaborate on the triangulate part? As in slept around when you're meant to be exclusive or something else?

[@ianarn]

@@yeahnahsweetas yes she explicitly wanted us to be exclusive! Heavily criticising me if I like Instagram photos of female influencers but she would often slow dance cheek to cheek with other men in front of me for song after song. She messaged another man during a previous breakup to meet up at his place for private dance practice. Instead of trying to reconcile with me! She always right in every argument and had a very fragile yet grandiose ego. She’d walk ahead of me and look round for my reaction and try to get a strange man to hold her hand with the expectation he was going to get something. I was constantly pitted against other strange men as if there was a competition for her in a very obvious embarrassing and disrespectful way. I don’t know for sure whether some of those men got something but they were pretty confident that they would and I’ve not had other girlfriends behave anywhere like that. I think she may have a personality disorder!

[@shookone568]

This fits with my experience. Great video.

[@CoastLifee]

This is brilliant advice

[@nico3641]

I wish I would of had an older mentor tell me this 22 years ago.

[@albertwesker8883]

So do I but would we have listened at that age? Lol

[@JohnBrown-ig5nc]

​@@albertwesker8883 exactly. I've thought the same and then wondered whether or not I actually would've taken the advice at a younger age

[@MAMP]

You have to be in a place where not being with her and going back into the dating realm is totally ok and fine.

[@peopleofearth6250]

Improve yourself.

[@CH-eb1rn]

This is the single best piece of advice any young man could get

[@johnbascom4523]

I agree with your view and this is how women develop their relationships very subtle and very slowly moving the goal posts until the goalkeeper is no longer protecting the goal and its an open goal.

[@jenniferlee7167]

It would help if they (men) were more clear-cut in their plans if any! Let the woman know if you are already in a relationship for one! Then let a woman who is interested know exactly what she can expect and do not keep giving drips and drabs to hold her interest. Who wants to be around a man who does not want you in his life...in any way..or just for sex. A woman can always get sex, she need not rely on a guy who cannot speak up and communicate his intentions. Many men are untruthful when asked directly what they want. It would be hard for both parties when the relationship has not progressed after a few months. Both parties obviously would have wasted their time if their expectations are different for each of them.

[@psychacks]

I agree with the first sentence.

[@lightworker2956]

Agree with the first sentence. Though the whole "let the woman know if you're already in a relationship" sentence does make me think that you're probably chasing after top-10% guys or so, who are the only ones who are likely to do things like that. Average guys aren't trying or even able to date / sleep with women while already being in a relationship.

[@niallk9336]

This whole rant is the result of somebody batting out of their league. They're not that interested in you, but they're getting what they want. And you keep giving it to them. It's not their fault that you never learn.

[@rollingrockink1]

It seems to be the complete opposite for me. I'm up front, and when the conversation develops to that point, it ends being a turn off.

[@mathias1dk]

I think I’ve made that mistake too. It is often the woman’s role to be the one trying to lock the man in a relationship. Even though this is the end goal for the woman in case she is attracted to you, her attraction is increased if you appear as a free man with options. Often times, she would even accept you lying, even if you are not a man of options, because she will feel that she has made a better deal for herself, than if she ended up with someone desperate to settle down.

[@DNA350ppm]

The turn off is the whole point of the "honesty from the start" - you want to turn off a contact if the point of that contact is to just have casual sex and no life plan. Both men and women are worse off without finding a life-partner that they really love and appreciate, and the other way around.

[@ssing7113]

That’s not the issue. It’s how you’re saying it and leading up to it and after that’s the issue This should have been discussed in text from the beginning already. Usually the woman says “so what are you looking for”. You reply with a serious and committed relationship with the right woman or a nothing serious just some fun Then you let her answer and take it from there. You’re prolly pushing it on the woman and not letting her ask first which is her job. She is determining where you are going to place her and as such you prolly didn’t play the cards right being non chalant but engaged and flirty for her to wonder what you are wanting talking to her first..

[@bmroc8456]

Good morning Doctor, you've stuck gold. You are what I was expecting from Academia. A scholar/physician who is truly here to educate and treat its patients/students. I must say you will have a great impact. You remind me Of Dr. T Hasan Johnson. I think Dr. Reeves and Dr. Ferrell can learn a lot from you. Thank you for doing the work. I have much to say, but I'll review more of your content to grasp more of your lessons. I hope many content creator see this channel cause you've set a very high standard.

[@touradishagh7075]

I wish I had listened to your videos earlier; they could have prevented many failures in my life. Our desire to satisfy others, especially women in relationships, can lead to failures and painful experiences that might be avoided if we were clear, courageous, strong, and honest. As we often see, the best outcomes come at the last moment. I am looking forward to addressing these issues in the future.😔

[@johnnyofthesticks7260]

Good video. I know perfectly well when I interact with a woman how far I can get. Of course after you know her, you have to interact with her first and watch her interact with others. I am not a man who chases getting laid per se, sort of atypical, I guess. The problem I see is when you need for instance a summer romance or something and you fall in love, or, the opposite, you need a long term relationship to fit in your life plans (lets say travel abroad, etc) and nobody appears, so you end up wih THAT woman you like but you are not sure. I know this could be interpreted as a woman thinking, I know, I already said I am atypical, I just believe in love.

[@Bootyeater999]

With this attitude you should also believe in divorce because I see that in your future😂.

[@user-mm1zd3kz8q]

This is also good advice for women. I learned it the hard way, assuming we were on the same page and discovering we were far from it!

[@radzhurl8711]

You're the master I follow you, Thank you Sir. ❤

[@DerrickABrooks]

I was dating this girl and she gave me a key to her house. And I fell for it and moved in 😩

[@idesel]

An acquaintance had to move back in with his grandma under the guise of looking after her in order to escape from a woman who moved in with him subtle. It started with toothbrushes, a t-shirt here and there and advanced to coming with small groceries to his place after work to full blown cohabitation.

[@ssing7113]

You mean he wasn’t open and honest with what he wanted. He played that card to get in her pants… AKA a child

[@idesel]

​@@ssing7113 Not wanting cohabitation isn't the same as wanting only sex from someone and lying to them to get it. At no point I implied he didn't want a relationship with this woman, you just strangely read that into the story yourself.

[@expatwealthasia8702]

Great video. Thank you 🙏

[@georgeelder8415]

💯 Truer words were never spoken...