Minisode - Dan-O's Fancy Miracle Cure-All Sliding Scale of Movie Badness

Twitter: / foldablehuman
Ask.fm: ask.fm/FoldableHuman
Written and Performed by Dan Olson

[@GuardsmanBass]

I think that's why I think "the most disappointing movie" is a more interesting question than "the worst movie".

[@snowpdx]

+Brett Anon (TheBrett) Transformers/Airbender/Star Wars Prequels 3-way tie for me. You?

[@GuardsmanBass]

I'd go with Airbender. I'm actually more fond of the Prequels than most SW fans, and I had extremely low expectations for Transformers to begin with.

[@IsaacMayerCreativeWorks]

This scale did not include anywhere near enough weight on the question of whether a Haunter appears

[@michaela8599]

your little heart at the end made my day ngl

[@changingyoutubeusernameisn7302]

fucking scared me, it did

[@usualunusualkid7149]

This video was how I learned there's an Atlas Shrugged movie. Hell, it's a trilogy.

[@Feasco]

I misread this as "sliding scale of movie baldness" And pondered Dan's hair vs his hair now

[@falconJB]

Why? Why did you tell me to watch Cremaster 4? That was terrible.

[@Nodim1er]

Technically he said to NOT watch it... it's kinda like reverse suggestion.

[@CERTAIND00M]

Do you secretly own the rights to Cremaster? Because you just told, nay, INSISTED that the internet not watch it. You realize what you've done, right? May god have mercy on our souls. Now, warm up those seeders, Cremaster pirates. You's about to get torrented!

[@cjl6692]

Forced smile and heart-pantomime 10/10

[@natebrimnersmith4889]

1:10 for some reason I saw that title in my head as "Murder on the Sea-Train," which has immediately become one of my favorite phrases and I want to ask your permission to use it for artistic purposes

[@cmustard599]

I subscribed almost entirely based on your valuation on The Cremaster Cycle. Nowhere else have I found such an honest, incisive and accurate assessment of this 'high art' flim flam.

[@mrogilvie]

Who paused the video to search for "Murder On The Sea Train" before he explained where it came from?

[@gabsgoo7716]

I actually searched for "Murder On The C Train" but, yeah.

[@J.Skyler]

You’re really cute in this video.

[@rynabuns]

I've watched almost all of his videos, and this one was the first (during that really long silence) that made me go "oh, he's pretty cute" And now confirmation! Yaaay

[@kat8559]

@@rynabuns literally thinking the same thing at the same moment

[@oof-rr5nf]

aaah he is always cute to me I've got such a crush on Dan. Also. Pre-beard Dan is better.

[@janesmith1840]

Hey Dan, I'm like 5 years late but I wanted to say something, and I figure I have a better chance of you actually seeing it if there are less than 50 comments total. I don't know if that's actually how notifications work, but it's worth a shot. In the (less distant than I'd like) past, I watched a video about that whole "Shut Up About Plot Holes" fiasco, and I think it was Mauler (actually can't find the video anymore, jesus christ I'm using parentheses twice in the same sentence) who lumped you in with the other guy, even though you had nothing to do with him. I had seen some of your videos on my recommended, but hadn't gotten around to giving you a try, and my first impression from the other video was that you were to be avoided like the plague. I've since realized a lot about Mauler and myself that make me ashamed to even admit I was ever subscribed to him, and I fucking LOVE your channel. It's thoughtful, it's intelligent, it's wildly entertaining, you're like a cross between YMS and Philosophy Tube. And I do mean that as the highest possible praise. Keep up the good work, and sorry for being such a judgmental ass.

[@jaymiddleton1782]

What’s the shut up about plot holes fiasco

[@galasidan]

I'd love to hear your opinion on 'jack the giant killer' and how they managed to make everything too fast and choppy while also spending a third of the movie on reaction shots of people standing around looking kind of confused in front of a green screen. Also not one single giant is in the movie.

[@caricatureparty]

I like the cough part

[@WannabeMarysue]

so what you're saying is.. watch cremaster.? well who am I to disagree. 😇

[@NShimaru]

+WannabeMarysue You'll regret it. :p

[@deltoroperdedor3166]

WannabeMarysue I'm sure that you'll absolutely hate Sharkexorcist and Fateful findings, trust me on this one

[@sprinkdesign7170]

Sorry. misread 'badness' for 'baldness', DAN. backs out of thread slowly...

[@merchantarthurn]

Seven day Bad Movie Challenge Baby Solves All Your Problems

[@loxeggcheese]

We had to watch cremaster, (the race car one) for art history class in college. It was gross but also enjoyable in a strange way

[@IliyaMoroumetz]

You probably already know about it, but Mystery Science Theater 3000's a good source of bad movies. A few particularly noteworthy movies are the infamous Manos: The Hands of Fate, Sax Romer's Castle of Fu Manchu, and the Coleman Francis Trilogy (Skydivers, Red Zone Cuba, and The Beast of Yucca Flats). These are the movies that reduced the cast to tears because of how horrible they were. I apologize if you already know about this and I'm just preaching to the choir, but I just love that show so much.

[@deltoroperdedor3166]

Have you heard of our lord and cyborg saviour, Neil Breen?

[@fkrkf]

@@deltoroperdedor3166 know him, I even met once. The "benefits" of living in Las Vegas

[@RastafarianPilgrim]

Blaul Part call mop blart caul pop mart bole wot wost moevi erver?

[@timothymorrise2081]

What about the metric, which movie has caused me (the watcher) the most pain. In my case: Jay and Silent Bob's Super Groovy Cartoon Movie.

[@liz7457]

I read this as sliding scale of movie baldness and was sorely disappointed.

[@grahamkristensen9301]

Fateful Findings.

[@ZEGTHEFISH]

No mention of the star wars holiday special?

[@deltoroperdedor3166]

Pafrla that's a torture method, not a movie

[@RiverOfWetness468]

I Googled "Murder on the Sea Train" and every result was about the upcoming Orient Express movie... Does this movie Dan mentioned actually exist? How did he discover it?

[@FoldingIdeas]

Oh, Murder on the C Train is a student film. I imagine it would be practically impossible to find.

[@dingolover6969]

@@FoldingIdeas Aw man, but now I want to watch it!

[@waywardmind]

Rollerblade 7. The answer is Rollerblade 7.

[@irisbuschelman9046]

What are your thoughts on The Room?

[@creepyscrawly113]

Iris Buschelman he actually worked on it and talked about it in another video.

[@birdstrikes]

Boondock Saints 2. No question.

[@sebbychou]

Cremaster is worse than poultrygeist? oh man...

[@hrmmmmmm]

Mate. It's Love on a Leash.

[@llyrghmnghyll]

This is why I judge all movies based on a scale of X out of Y. Where Y is how many stars out of 5 is the movie aiming for, and X is what it achieves. I allow up to 0.5 over for a movie that manages to be a better movie than what was aimed for. This allows me to judge movies on the merits they deserve to be judged on. A movie like Furious 7 isn't aiming for a 5, or even a 4, it's aiming to be a stupid fun blockbuster, maybe 2.5 out of 5 stars. It achieves it's potential, so it's 100% of 2.5. A movie like "Dark Knight Returns" is aiming for the same 4.5 stars that "The Dark Knight" aimed for (very few movies aim for a 5) and misses the mark badly due to assorted problems, it's a 3 out of 4.5 or 66% of 4.5. "Dark Knight" and" "Fellowship of the Ring" both aim for 4.5, but pull a 5 actually making better 4.5 movies of their type than has previously been achieved. so they both get 111% of 4.5. This is why "Last Airbender" is way worse than most movies, because given the source material it's going for what I'd consider a 4.5 (I'd only consider the final season going for a full 5 in Avatar), but manages to screw up almost everything. it achieves a .5. meaning it's final score is just 11% of 4.5. It's pretty hard to get worse than that.

[@casersatz]

The worst isn't The Sarkeesian Effect? I'm surprised!

[@stephenbaynham1762]

+casersatz Fun fact: in 1994 dollars, the sarkeesian effect had almost an identical budget to Clerks.

[@AmaranthOriginal]

+Stephen Baynham Fun? That's...depressing as fuck.

[@YpsylonFunMagazine]

*cough* suicide squad *cough*

[@patrickrowan6001]

Yeah, it's probably mine

[@trnzstr]

I can definitely agree with you that, although having not seen 'Cremaster 4' for obvious reasons, as a 'film' the idea would be unwatchable but only because of the context in which it was made. As you mention in the video how bad it is is entirely relative to the context in which it was created. It seems then that your breaking your own metric by saying Cremaster is a terrible movie but only because it was made with a very different intention and context to the one that you are using to critique it. Although I don't intend to argue the merits of overly self-indulgent 'high art', which it is, and I can see it was a fairly off hand remark to begin with. I do, however, want to express that any artwork be considered on its own terms.

[@JCPRuckus]

If you watched his videos on the Cremaster Cycle, then you would know that he doesn't consider it self-indulgent high art, but an attempt to leverage the idea of self-indulgent high art entirely for the purpose of separating pretentious rich people from their money. If it's supposed to be art, but lacks artistic intent or merit, then it fails in the context that it claims to have been made.

[@aimeem]

@@JCPRuckus Not that separating pretentious rich people from their money is a bad thing, though...

[@orbitalalpha]

Battlefield Earth and Highlander 2.

[@fraterpralixus9703]

Highlander: There Should Have Been Only One

[@splak_5624]

who the fuck said john carter is a bad movie

[@Noms_Chompsky]

Spoken like a man who has never suffered Gymkata. Don't do it though, I promise you your life can be full and fulfilling without ever knowing what goes on within the tragedy of passion poorly executed that is...Gymkata.

[@deltoroperdedor3166]

William O'Reiler Samurai Cop sends its regards

[@pious83]

+DelToro Perdedor before driving away in a hybrid phallus..mobile, in Tetsuo: The Iron Man..

[@morgantrias3103]

Eden log is the worst I’ve ever seen

[@pious83]

I do think there is an "elite" sphere of the absolute worst movies though. Home to Cremaster, Trolls 2 etc Everything else is as you say, subjective in it's quality.

[@funeralfart7582]

Does Pain and Gain deserve to be a candidate for worst movie ever? I liked Pain and Gain. I consider it Michael Bay's most interesting movie.

[@tarvisbickler3787]

Index Formula: 1/(rotten tomatoes score) X Global Box Office = Transformers 2 is worst movie ever made. Just Science.

[@kleedrac]

Requiem for a Dream is the worst movie I've ever seen. I'd rather watch the last Airbender again than requiem.