Missionary Sent Home for Cuddling With Another Missionary (Zone Leader) - Jacob | Ep 648

[@1jillyjones]

As a mother of two wonderful, gay sons who have felt so much guilt because of the Church, my heart goes out to you. It's heartbreaking how much pain LGBT Mormons experience. So happy my sons and you, Jacob, are in a good place now.

[@goofy9536]

[@fishesandloaves5817]

“As a mother of two wonderful, gay sons,” could you still be interested in having your sons talk with somebody who has answers, the Cure, even? (Having dumped God and The Faith is never “a good place.” 57:41-58:31, 1:01:20-1:02:26 .) Please consider there ARE answers (and Cure) that, of course, parents don’t have and apparently-to my amazement-nobody else (church or non-church) knows nor has considered, to date. Consider one other phenomenon: Pride. There exist those who do not know the answers or Cure, and because THEY do not, they “hate on” who does PLUS take the stance that ‘there is no cure’ (and all other defensiveness), for pride of not being the AnswerBearer themselves. (Sela.) instagram.com/pfishsandloves/ [e-mail]

[@allgotterer]

@@fishesandloaves5817: After listening to Jacob's story, I'm not sure I want to imagine what answers and "Cure" you're proposing for others like him, but it seems clear to me that Jacob, Jill Jones, and her sons have found the answer for themselves-love.

[@ngatihine6072]

Wow 2?

[@jussilahteenmaki3475]

@@fishesandloaves5817 You mean how to cure Mormonism?

[@dallasmove537]

What a sweet, intelligent, good-hearted guy. He deserves all of life's happiness.

[@kingimatthews4481]

Love and Light to you, may we all meet together same glorious day

[@michaelmann8800]

WOW!!! I'm not Mormon, and have met very few Mormons, but this was absolutely fascinating. Jacob has done a great service to humanity by sharing this experience. It was so interesting that he seemed to relate the story primarily from a position of humor, which indicates that he has really been able to reflect on the situation and is able to see the humor in it. When he broke down discussing the feeling of letting his father down in terms of not being able to carry on the family legacy, that was devastating. I'm so glad that he is living his life and is happy, and his final take on his beliefs was pitch perfect! I wish you all the best, Jacob, and I am sure you will have a fantastic life.

[@mdkawsarhabib680]

M m nbbboooooooooooo

[@nanoparticle5988]

I agree. Thanks Jacob for being both courageous and vulnerable and relating these experiences. This video has had a huge effect on me and has pretty much melted away any remaining prejudice I had toward "non-heteronormative" persons.

[@anthonyvanvelden3868]

What a beautiful young man! Such innocence and honesty. I smiled, cried and laughed during this interview as Jacob shared the confusion and pain he endured. I wish I could have told him personally how helpful it was to hear his experiences. Bless you, Jacob.

[@dmp7252]

Stop sexualizing him. And let me guess: because he’s hot and white - he can do no wrong? Come off it. Not everyone is lucky enough to be this hot. We don’t all get this level of understanding.

[@RickC927]

Completely agree!

[@jakeeverts1132]

They didn't send the guy that threatened home...unfathomable. Hey, if any church leaders are listening, threats of violence are matters of the law, not something for you to slough off. Get the kid to safety and do your diligence.

[@blainelittle1118]

Jake Everts

[@rony6472Chile]

Jacob, I've been there. Thanks for sharing your story. I'm 41 years of age now and sometimes it still hurts coming home early. Thanks for sharing your new beliefs

[@michaeltheiii]

This interview broke my heart but thank you for helping getting this man’s story out, John.

[@lblairart]

this guy is so sweet. I totally agree the pressure for missionaries is over the top. and I love your new testimony, so beautiful.

[@serenebluehippo9478]

This is the first podcast of any kind that I've listened to in a single sitting and from start to finish. Jacob, wherever you are now, I hope your life is filled with happiness. Much love to you!

[@paulkrommenhoek5445]

Love you, Jacob. I had a gay experience on my mission, where my mission president didn't separate us or end our mission. I am secretly in a mixed , what's the word, relationship management. It makes me cry every time I hear these stories. I have 5 great children and an amazing wife. I wish I had someone I could talk to openly about this.

[@williambrooke6266]

We have similar paths. Closeted gay man, 2 adopted children and 2 grandkids. I don't have a partner but my grandkids keep me as happy as possible.

[@michaelaldredge-greenwell1692]

He’s so special, so very sweet, handsome, beautiful, cute as a bug, & such a wonderful, heroic young man!! I applaud him & have the deepest respect for him

[@jo-penford]

I would be so proud to have this young man in my family !!

[@nmercenary]

In what way is he heroic? What specifically did he do that merits his actions as “heroic”?

[@michaelaldredge-greenwell1692]

@@nmercenary (Sighs…shakes my head, being disappointed in you). Obviously…you’re not smart enough to understand the nuances of life. It’s probably too mature for your young mind. Run along now…& go play in traffic…

[@nmercenary]

@@michaelaldredge-greenwell1692 how fascinating that you chose to condescend instead of providing concrete examples of these “nuances”. Perhaps one of the maladies of our current societal predicament stems from everyone getting a “participation trophy” for just even breathing. To a point so severe that actual heroic deeds go unnoticed. Sometimes when someone does the right thing/deed, people won’t be so sure you’ve done anything at all. And yes, perhaps i’d rather play in traffic than continue to exist in the over glorification of eating saw dust and how everyone must now eat saw dust since it’s essential to the salvation of the entire human race.

[@beaupianiste3738]

@@nmercenary He stood up to hate, stopped hating himself and feeling guilty for being who he is. He loves life now and wants to be kind to people.

[@spookydoesit1]

Jacob, I’m sorry that you were treated that way after a cuddle. I’m a 60+ year old gay Roman Catholic. I went through all the guilt and shame until at age 23 when I decided, “No more!” God loves you just the way you are. There are many Catholic parishes that are welcoming to LGBTQ+ people. I pray you find an accepting church when you are ready. Thanks for sharing your story.

[@gayolyguy]

I am so empathetic for this young mans experience. I WAS an active member of the LDS Church, mission, married in SLC Temple, Father of 4 children, Bishopric and High Council...at age 39 seperated from wife and entered 1:1 counseling. I accepted and came out to myself, wife, Church leaders....excommunicated and divorced.Met and married my husband of 25 years once I was secure in my own sexual orientation and have lived a happy life. I was asked not to have contact with my LDS family since I had ruined my childrens and wife life. I allowed 25 years to pass until this past May 2016 when I contacted the Family..they are all now accepting of me, husband and all close again....

[@richardsoucy8546]

So sorry it took so long for your family to awaken. I hope all continues well with you and your husband.

[@texanrob]

After what I had to endure and go through I don't consider the family I grew up with family anymore and don't care if I ever see them again. What the mormon church did to me and what other churchs have done to me and other like me are evil, and I will not darken the steps with my shadow on any church steps again. One of their leaders referred to me as being gay as Satanic. Screw the Mormon church and it's lying self righteous leaders.

[@artheis1342]

The church accepts gays in the church. It is revealed by the Prophet that they must take on a life of celibacy and can never marry their partner or live with them. Gays can remain a full member and active. They can get a Temple recommend and enter the Temple. They must remain worthy and sexually clean.

[@misspolly2812]

Its so Sad that your family and leaders in the church gave you the cold shoulder,. Probably church should be more tolerant and didnt judge People for what they are and feel, i send you a big hug to both of you from Norway🇧🇻💗

[@tjbrat44]

That s still absolute control and members are made to feel like "yep we understand your weakness, and as long as you do NOT find love in life, keep sending in that tithing"

[@catherinereeves5707]

I was a mormon, for all of about 4 or 5 years. I went through the whole teaching and was baptized, etc. They even tried to marry me off to this Nerdy high up person in the church. Since its been a while, I forget, what he was called. Anyway, being the kind of woman I am, the church was not a match for me. Many of their beliefs are outdated, and not workable in today's society. Trying to get out of the Church, was unbelievable. I finally had to write them, the nastiest letter EVER, to get them off my back. I didn't want to write it, but I felt I had no choice. They wouldn't take NO for an answer. Jacob, I'm glad you came out, and hopefully you are happier now. You need to be who you are, or it will kill you inside!!

[@markfrancis4384]

an intelligent young man raised in a stable loving home to think for himself. I think his folks did a pretty good job and should be very proud. the rest of it, is baloney.

[@misspolly2812]

Totally agree👍

[@david33mtrb]

In the late 1980s & early ‘90s, I went through my own Catholic, small-town-Ohio version of this story. Now, in my early 50s, it’s easy to imagine that kids these days have an easier time of dealing with these matters. “Being gay doesn’t carry the same stigma anymore, right?” But it’s stories like this that teach us the reality of how the struggle of coming to terms with your sexual identity still exists for a lot of young adults in their teens and 20s. So thank you, Jacob, for sharing your story!

[@OnTheHighWatch]

Please do a follow-up video? I want to know how this young man is getting along today?

[@petrahinkley5489]

This was a nice interview. Jacob is such a nice guy who handled his situation with so much dignity. He felt so guilty for doing basically nothing except cuddling. He was still such a virginal boy. I hope his life is turning out well for him and that he finds happiness.

[@natebartlett1073]

I wish I had found this sooner. I came home early in 2015 from my mission. I tore myself to shreds for years but am proud to say. I am happily married to my wonderful and amazing husband. Thanks for the content

[@laurencemartin2797]

I was raised in a Baptist Church, then on to United Pentecostal ... and after they called me out in church service and tried to cast out the demon of homosexuality ... when it didn't work, they asked me to leave the church. Jacob's story was so wonderfully candid and honest. I appreciated that so much and I wish him the greatest of success in life. I know that everyone pretends that "looks" don't matter when it comes to life, but it does, and Jacob certainly has this benefit.

[@laurietongish7941]

Oh that's nice they tried to use witchcraft to get the gay out of you. I hope it was worth their souls. Sundays are better spent watching football or sleeping in or going to a farmers market.

[@Lucas-gm3bv]

In whose name were they pretending to cast out demons? How is their failure not the point when they have a come to Jesus moment and ask him to rid them of the demons deceiving them? I should like to think that was a church of the deceiving. And I wouldn’t have set foot in it. I’ve been to various church services. I genuinely hate them. They’ll easily deceive the weak, and decry the wisdom of the strong. For which reason they’re condemned to death. (They all die, don’t they?) But they die long before their bodies do.

[@giuseppemariocescutti-fitz5835]

It didnt work because there were no demons to cast out. Those people are idiots. Religion damages people and always has. Rediculous.

[@BenRagunton]

Fascinating interview! My heart was breaking for Jacob, given all of the self-recrimination he experienced. I was also shocked beyond words at what his home ward Bishop told him (which does bring into question WHY he had to be sent home). As a recovering Mormon and gay man, this interview was fascinating. I'm glad Jacob seems to be doing better now. Thank you for this interesting podcast, and thank you (and Jacob) for this enlightening interview.

[@nettiedodar1]

What a neat young man. Jacob you are so beautiful, compassionate, loving and mature for your young years. Live and love your life and most importantly yourself. Everybody needs physical affection it's part of the human condition. I am so glad I watched your story. More power to you as you live your life journey.

[@updownstate]

In privacy.

[@jdsthird]

@@updownstateHowever he chooses to live. Private or out. It’s his life. You live yours and let him live his. Not sure why this is so hard to abide by.

[@stephen1922]

@@updownstateDo straight people keep their affection in privacy?

[@QuincyDisneyVegan]

​@@stephen1922THANK YOU! My thoughts 💯!!!

[@jamesgordon2255]

@@jdsthirdpop

[@enriquepracilio789]

Jacob's story is moving and beautiful and he is a beautiful human being. The pressure from churches in general on this issue, as well as on others, is devastating. They manage everything through guilt, so that one always feels like an undeserving human being that never lives up to the demands and mandates they want to impose on us. I realized this very early in my life, thank God, and I was able to walk away before all of it hurt me too much. It's so good to rebel against all those nefarious beliefs of domination and mind control! Blessings to Jacob on his happy new life!

[@robvasquez79]

Jacob, I don’t know you, but I’m so very proud of you! I’m happy you’re now comfortable living in your truth. I wish you much success, happiness and love in life!

[@micklebt]

Jacob, you are so refreshingly candid, self-aware, and insightful. This sentence stood out in particular: "I didn't know if guilt was completely a social construct..." This is an inevitable way point along the path of Intelligent questioning. You expressed it so well. Sharing your story is such a courageous and selfless act. It will help countless young men and women better understand their own doubt and accept it without such great suffering, guilt, and psychological torment you experienced. There are also many non-Mormons who experience severe gut-wrenching turmoil from their own strict religious upbringing, cultural norms, and family pressures. John, this series is so valuable, and a necessary contribution to mature self-awareness. Keep up the great work!

[@garypoland5318]

Jacob u r wise adorable handsome & mature & good lucking

[@ruthskaggs5916]

❤❤❤❤️

[@paulpjy4996]

Jacob, It’s been awhile since you had your interview on Utube. I hope you are doing well today in 2023. God bless you and very happy for you and your family accept you for who you really are as a gay.

[@daverichards308]

While I was an AP to our Mission President I had to sit in on "trials" and watched while over a dozen missionaries were sent home. I knew all of them and it hurt big time. One had a Playboy under his bed, the other sisters went out to a bar one night, three were sent home for being gay. One for hitting on his companion who punched him in the face. That companion eventually became an AP as well (as he was from a well-known UT family, very high up in the Church). The one Elder was told to get married as soon as he got home, and he did. He's been unhappy ever since, and he hit me up online, but he's doing what he was told to do. He gave up his feelings and his life. The Elder he hit on, bumped into me a couple of years later at BYU and we talked about things. He was seeing a nice girl, life was good. If you need to talk, here's my number and address, drop by. One night at midnight somebody was banging on my door. I was like, Who is that? It was him. He was drunk and crying. I calmed him down and he came out to me. He said he was living a lie. He was sorry for punching his companion, he just wanted to die. I asked him why did he tell me? He said you won't judge me (we were good friends in the mission field) so I guess he knew me. He had tried to commit suicide that same night and he stayed at my place all night talking and I told him that he had to live his own life. He ended up leaving school and 3 years later I bumped into him where I was living (not in UT) total coincidence and he said let's do lunch. We did and he told me that before his mission he had been with men, in fact his boyfriend (an older member) paid for his mission. Fast forward. He was excommunicated, was rebaptized 10 days before he committed suicide at the age of 33. I am still sad about it. I am sad for the missionaries I had to send home (ok I didn't personally but I sat in on the trials). To send an Elder home for cuddling another one hasn't been a pro sports player where your body parts will be slapped or in Latin America where men hug each other, and some even kiss each other.....it doesn't mean they are gay!

[@Valboy380]

Beautiful story that brought me to tears. I'm gay and served a mission in 1979 in Nevada. Left the church right after my mission. Convert a year before my mission

[@Valboy380]

Jacob is truly a beautiful gentle soul of God. Awesome young man and so well spoken. ♥️🙏. Bravo young man for such courage

[@peterfinn6098]

Well done!

[@raymondwolken7975]

@@Valboy380I couldn’t have stated better. What a fine young man and kind words from you too Valboy.

[@edwardkantowicz4707]

@hughbennett5342 You can't pray away the gay... I think he's found himself now.

[@hughbennett5342]

@@edwardkantowicz4707 It's just a sinful behavior, a sinful lust that's all. Of course you can pray and ask for forgiveness.

[@viktor79999]

I wanted to give Jacob a big hug. I feel so bad for all he went through and the mental anguish he faced. I hope he has found happiness.

[@richardsilver98]

Gosh, how good was Jacob's testimony right at the end! To have such clarity of thought at 23 is astounding, and incredibly affirming of what is right and good prevailing. I'm sad for Jacob's past hurts, but so happy for (what I hope is) his bright and fulfilled future. He's a good man, this one. Thanks for sharing this.

[@sharondunstall709]

What an incredible young man. I can’t imagine how difficult this whole experience was for him to process all of these emotions/guilt/conflict/confusion. Thankfully, he had the love and support of his family, and a great Mission President who handled his situation with love. I hope that someday he can balance having some kind of a spiritual life while still being true to who he is. I wish him much happiness and success in his life. Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally, we are his, and we are precious to Him. ❤

[@randymichaels1947]

Just found this site . As an older gay male I am so glad you Jacob have found your personal way to handle this in a positive way. I have been a member of the church in the past , and agree with you about the temple bizarre rituals . I found it beat being gay to quietly walk away . It seems to be slowly getting better for gay life in this world compared to when I was your age. I’m really happy for you. And yea , you seem like a very honorable young man!!!

[@toddmason918]

I can’t get past the fact that they placed him with a guy that was psychotic and homicidal and then didn’t believe him when he expressed his concerns and left him in a very dangerous situation. This demonstrates that clergy shouldn’t be trusted with mental health issues.

[@Greggs.Channel]

I wonder how his family dealt with his decision to be authentic. I hope they offered unconditional love & acceptance.

[@charlesrodrickbronola2908]

I am a member of the Church and was gay. It's hard for me to think which path I'll choose; to serve a mission or be who I am. I've been experiencing anxiety about what other people think about me or even myself that I have doubts that what if something happened on the mission field which is I am gay and I am attracted to my same gender. I am 18 years of age and I did have a gay relationship and I broke up with him just because of the church's standard and was brainwashed about having a family and having a temple marriage which is I think I wouldn't likely to have. I was thankful I've seen this video/podcast that I could think for the things that'll make me happy. It's still very helpfull considering that it is a taboo topic to talk about.

[@iloveadamduritz]

Another great interview. Thank you for your candor.

[@gumbycat5226]

As an inactive ex-bishop I was struck at the failure of Jacob's disciplinary council. If I remember correctly (it's been 30 years ago now so all things Mormon are long-faded), the purpose of a disciplinary council is, wherever possible, to be the means for a person to come back into full fellowship with the church. Yet Jacob was left high and dry. Not a single church leader bothered to council with him (check up, see how he's going, provide encouragement) or to hand over the baton when Jacob relocated. His mission president was but the first in a chain of systematic failure. It's no way to treat a young and vulnerable person. There was, in fact, an absence of love.

[@marcosoliveira1649]

Alguns líderes no Brasil não conseguem cuidar das ovelhas. Eles criticam severamente dizendo palavras duras.

[@claytongreen7000]

Or the clearest signal that his being gay was real and the church had no solution that wouldn't perpetually and irrevocably cause him more harm.

[@SkylerHanson-kb8eu]

I love you Jacob, and thank you David for the forum. I’m a gay man who served in Guatemala 1983-1985. All the years of my youth were wasted as a TBM. I love your story and I only have one disagreement with you and it’s regarding your mission President. I know you feel like he handled you well and that you still have a high regard for him. But seriously, the issue of cuddling the zone leader should have been dead and done in his office from the beginning. I think he/they likely did you a huge favor by sending you home but I’m sure it didn’t feel that way. Any truly compassionate leader would have made you feel not only forgiven for cuddling but would have put to rest any guilt about such an innocent thing. My god! Are we not all human?!? I don’t regret my mission but I sure do wish I’d been where you were at 23. It took me until about age 40 to get where you were in this interview. Love and light my dear friend 💜💙

[@joshuahoward6845]

Raised as a Jehovah’s Witness that was also gay I relate wholeheartedly with stories like this.

[@doctornutrition4739]

Wonderful interview. Simple, direct, effective and I think very useful for people loving the Church. But forced to leave it because Unwelcomed. When I was on a mission what I have learned is that God helped me to understand not trying to change what I am and who I am because Of my sexuality. I am happy of the incredible courage of Jacob but I can tell that God will bless him for the time he shared on his mission and what he did to learn to love himself and not hate himself. Love is the rule that Jacob learned very well and many still have to. Jacob has a great faith and many blessing are waiting for him on his life.

[@carolloucks7103]

What a dear, sweet man. I think he’s wonderful and is helping a lot of people ❤

[@alrees61]

I am a converted ex-Mormon. I never got the opportunity to serve a mission because of my age. I struggled throughout my early teen years of accepting me as a gay person so I can understand this from Jacob's point of view. But I never lost my belief in God. I was 10 years old when I saw the film Jesus of Nazareth and when it got to the crucification of Jesus on the cross, I creid and cried. In that alone I believed that there is a God. Even today lving as a gay man in a relationship of 18 years, I have not lost that feeling or belief that Jesus Christ had sacrifice his life for me (you). I am not active in the Church but one message I have for any gay Mormon is to trust in God. Do not abandon him because he will carry you. The Church may abandon you but I believe that is because the leaders have given up on you and do not understand the problems that gay/lesbian/transgender people are going through or how to handle them. I cannot see how a just God could abandon us his children!!!

[@CallmeMelinanow]

This story reinforces my belief that these bishops and other church leaders need some form of mental health training. It is so dangerous to denial numbers support and instead give them this kind of advice. I’m so happy that he smiling now, this is so hard to have to experience.

[@gary-qq4xx]

Such a sweet, genuine guy.

[@ronalddonaghe3674]

I was not raised in any particular religion, since my parents took us to various kinds of churches. They were always protestant, Christian churches, but when I left home I left any religion behind. I've never looked back. And when I realized I was gay in high school, it was a beautiful revelation and explained why I felt so giddy around a certain boy. It was a crush, and it actually took me several months to figure it out. But once I did I was delighted and starry eyed and happy about it. That said, I have been watching your video, and it has confirmed my fears for what LGBTQ people go through who are in a very strong religion and one that these people try to bend themselves into fitting into their religion, rather than being able to reject that which rejects them. I am also heartbroken that so many years are wasted fighting against oneself.

[@markblackmore521]

Jacob you’re a wonderful bright young man and so well spoken. Your parents did a great job raising you and no doubt your sisters too. Proud that you can decide for yourself that the church is not for you but you still hold on to a strong conviction. My wish that you meet a worthy mate and that you do good things in the future. Enjoy life and always be true to yourself :) Take good care! ❤

[@visionatbest]

I have never given a comment. But you have encouraged me. I am at the opposite end of life that is in front of you, and have debated with myself about setting up a channel addressing similar issues. Your story deeply touched me. All I can say is that your belief in God will return, and that life is a continual lesson. With your resolve and mature interpretation a balance will be restored that assimilates your experiences for this balanced and awakened belief and trust. I am still learning but believe that God knows our hearts and our search for truth. Above all, it is love and God is the source of love.

[@susanhannafin3793]

God does not exist he is not a live human being so what are you praying for and who are you praying to

[@Elizabeth-rk3do]

​@@susanhannafin3793 Everyone knows that God exists. God has given light to every man.

[@susanhannafin3793]

@@Elizabeth-rk3do how can he exist when he is not a live human being.

[@lorekeeper_marc]

Somehow this story got through the yt algorithm to reach me here in Brazil. Even if I'm watching it 7 years after it got posted. I'm glad to have heard it. It's inspiring and admirable the courage and insightfulness that you have shown, Jacob. Even as a young man, right after you were sent home, facing so much pressure and self-doubt, trying to process all that and diving within in search for your own truth! Hope your life is full of joy and love now.

[@marcosoliveira1649]

Se Jesus Cristo viveu e morreu por nós, se realmente ele viveu e ressuscitou, então existe o Evangelho dele. E assim quero só ver como vai ser do outro lado do véu. Será que o universo gay é inspirador? Oh sofrência.

[@lorekeeper_marc]

@@marcosoliveira1649Jesus viveu e morreu de acordo com o que a mente e o coração dele sentiam que era o certo a se fazer. Ele nunca seguiu texto algum! E não existe evangelho dele porque ele também nunca escreveu nada! Tudo que se tem são textos escriros por outras pessoas. São as visões de outras pessoas registradas por outras mãos tão humanas, tão falhas e tão sagradas quantos as mãos de qualquer gay. Eu não tenho problema nenhum em chegar do outro lado do véu e dizer que eu vivi de acordo com meu própria alma, pensei com minha própria cabeça, e julguei o certo e o errado de acordo com meu próprio coração; assim como Jesus! E dizer que eu não vivi seguindo cegamente palavras ditas e escritas por outras pessoas no passado, como um fariseu. Assim como Jesus também não o fez! Não terei problema em dizer que o resultado da minha vida veio de minhas ações e de minhas escolhas. Pois não sou tão covarde a ponto de viver apenas a partir do que os outros disseram que tinhamos que fazer. Não sou tão incapaz a ponto de deixar que os textos de pessoas que viveram mais de 2 mil anos atrás e não conhecem o mundo atual determinem como eu vou pensar ou como eu vou sentir. Nem sou tão corrupto a ponto de tratar o paraíso como um suborno que eu aceito daqueles que me ameaçam com o inferno!

[@ngo8017]

Same here. I thought I was the only Brazilian runaway

[@terrybillingsley7740]

​@@marcosoliveira1649w2

[@daodejing81]

I gave a comment earlier after reading the title. Now, after listening to this brilliant young man, I have more to say. Your mother and father should be so proud of you! Because you are dealing with tough situations honestly. My life path has striking similarities to yours. I was going through the same soul-searching as you at a young age. I went into the military for many reasons, one of which was to see if I would become straight. That was in 1977, just before I turned 18. It was in the military that I explored spiritually and sexually. It was just what I needed to find myself. Oh, and I told them I was gay. They wanted to give me a dishonorable discharge. I won't get into that. I was raised Catholic, was part of the Catholic Charismatic movement at 15, and converted to the Assembly of God at 18, in 1978. By 1980, I bade goodbye to religion, which is essentially paradigms of theology, or church propaganda. The catalyst was a Sunday sermon criticizing being gay. When I look back on it, I am reminded of Robert Frost's poem, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. Your moral code is beautiful. I love your last words, so profound!! You said, who is he to determine how simple or how complex it should be. Wow! The wisdom in those words! Keep doing exactly what you're doing, follow your gut, be kind, live your life honestly. I truly am delighted in hearing your experience and evolved perspective. The scriptures, or works of wisdom, of various cultures are deep and rich, I highly recommend them. Dào Dé Jīng Dhammapada Baghavad Gita Bible Nag Hammadi Library Poems of Rumi !!! Poems of Kahlil Gibran It's the theologies that are poisonous. Religions are a product of men's theologies. I can't end without thanking you again.

[@Aardvark37]

I was raised Baptist, with similar kinds of pressures, so waited until I was 80 before I could even let myself know I was gay. Jacob is way ahead of me in terms of awareness and courage. Excellent interview! Very helpful for those still questioning. Thanks so much!

[@TheBee87bee]

I'm sorry this happened to you,religion tears at your mind and body. Love to you!!!!

[@PracticalPerry]

There are so many people, the older generation, who do not come out until they are well into their elderly years. Such torture that you have never been able to be your romantic self. Straights take this for granted. Pure hell for gay people.

[@aidenfreedom]

Its not all just Mormons Jacob, i was subjected to a fundamentalist Christian Sect which drove me to suicidal feelings and near misses and remained celibate until 27 years of age never having a sexual experience, my feelings about Christianity are it is 'political' not 'real' I liken it to saying to a cat "you have to behave like a dog, bark, cock your leg over everything, join a pack, you are not allowed to be a cat or act like a cat" how stupid, as Mum would say "just as if", so Jacob i agree with you, it is simple, we all need to be 'moral' as i feel you are or were when this was filmed, i am watching this June 2024 in England, so much water has gone under the bridge since? How do you feel now Jacob, where are you now in your life journey, happy and fulfilled i hope, you deserve that man? Love to you from England. Aiden x

[@enriquebonifacino9939]

This is like a horror story. Poor guy! So much self punishment, self hatred, so much guilt. It was very painful to watch. I hope with all my heart now he has found some peace of mind and happiness.

[@Davidsample7761]

How odd. I don’t see this the same way at all. I see a young man who was committed to goodness. He appears extremely loved and well adjusted.

[@jdsthird]

Seems to me he found peace and happiness when he accepted himself and realized God loves him.

[@awesomelife3710]

@@Davidsample7761He was committed to spreading a religion that is homophobic to the core. How is that being committed to goodness?! Sure, it’s easy to feel sorry for him for being brainwashed, but at some point a person has to be accountable for the pernicious beliefs they help spread.

[@aalvarez2914]

@@Davidsample7761e was being tortured mentally and his life turned upside-down because he cuddled with a self-loathing closeted dude who reported the “crime”. From my own religious experiences I’d say the guy who reported him was closeted and self-loathing, and blamed this guy for his “moment of weakness”. He’d been raised to believe it was a grade-A offense, hating himself until he undid the programming from what he was raised to believe.. It seems hard for some people to break free from that nonsense without ending up hating the church or people who tried to force that crap on them. The self-righteous hypocritical actions and words of many religious people don’t help either.

[@benripurba4861]

How can I call you enrique

[@cscms28]

Vert smart. A wisdom and clarity of thought. My favorite line was "Says who? Who are you to decide how simple or complex it is?" about the simplicity of a Belief in Kindness and Trying to be Good and Kind to others. Hope this man is doing well today, 6 years later, would love an update.

[@perryekimae]

Weird that it took this one so long for the algorithm to pop this one up in my feed. His descriptions of his adolescent experiences mirror mine quite a lot. Made me laugh.

[@CupidCrux]

Same! All of it. No idea how this popped up but it’s like he was telling my teen years in the church I was so engrossed. 💜

[@bonsaijimmy]

Thanks for your candid story. I try to reflect your experience with the homophobia surfacing on the Catholic Church In December ,2023 over the controversial blessing of gay couple. Pope Francis is trying to make the church more inclusive :" Homosexuality is NOT a crime. Who am I to judge "? But bigoted bishops have started to vilify him. I left the church because I finally had to accept my true self. I am now happily married & don't need religion

[@jesseivey2905]

Jacob, This was awesome man. Thanks so much for sharing. Take care

[@markinfusino4242]

Jacob's growth, openess, honesty and palpable goodness are a testimony to the moral foundation his family and church gave him. He has grown beyond his church. So often churches are not ready to face the clear eyed gaze of the fine people they have nurtured. It is the gaze of the true prophet.

[@beaumac1950]

Jacob … I accepted the journey of loving my gay self at 23 as a Mississippi Southern Baptist … 50 years ago in 1973 … much in parallel to your touching story … Even to this day I continue my journey of sustaining the love for myself … I sincerely acknowledge and support your testimony that will certainly assist others to accept and love themselves … as surely Jesus has taught us to love one another unconditionally 😇💜 Most Sincerely … Beau Saucier, Laguna Beach, California 🏝️🏝️🏝️

[@MrStevewool]

Hi Jacob You are a Brave Good Man. I am an ex Christian and Now an Atheist and Gay. I am now 73 nand came out in 1981. I came out as an Atheist about two years ago. lots of love Steve. xxx

[@skwirl828]

Every mission president is different. Mine tried his hardest to keep missionaries on their missions because he knew how hard it would be for missionaries to go home early. There were worse things than this that happened to missionaries in my mission and they stayed and finished their missions.

[@DGP653]

Way to show your bigoted belief! Anytime a person feels harmed physically or emotionally he/she needs support and love and not holier than thou rhetoric…Calling oneself a Christian missionary means attempting to be Christ Like and not attempting a one up man-ship on who is worse off!

[@skwirl828]

@@DGP653 how is this bigoted? you one upped my one up you ding dong.

[@marcosoliveira1649]

@@DGP653 Será que o universo gay é realmente inspirador e verdadeiro? Será que vale a pena viver uma aventura sexual com outro homem? Sofredor

[@NathanRBradfordMusic]

This missionary has a wonderful conscience and is quick to get back on track when temptation and distractions present themselves. Just as a word of optimism and great encouragement, nobody is gay, atheist, anxiety, depression, or any identity or title that robs them of “Son/Daughter of God.” The adversary is working so hard to get us to believe that temptations and feelings define us. If we are prone to anger, we need to have the discipline and avoid giving into the feelings. If we have temptation and feelings to break the law of Chastity, we need to reject the temptation and pray for strength. Keep going! The reward in Heaven is worth all the fight against temptation!

[@davidfoster2006]

What a load of BS.

[@brightblue6184]

As an ex-mormon, I understand where you're coming from. But I also understand that children of gay couples can't be baptized in your church unless they denounce their gay parents. Your religion, like all religions, is not a loving one, and isn't worth following.

[@11UncleBooker22]

Thx u guys for the interviews. I'm a twice married,childless 50 year old former RLDS(CofChrist),LDS and now a non member of any religious corporation,but I'm Cof Christ friendly and supportive. I can only WISH to have had children like the young people in these returned missionary videos. You're all incredible people that would be a valuable member of any family or organization that values sincere,honest and thoughtful people.

[@JohnOntiveros-x3x]

Seems that Many of us went through a tumultuous Struggle! One that most would never understand 😢...I made it through a marriage I never wanted... but happy to be a Father...on this Father's Day ❤️

[@williambrooke6266]

I have struggled my whole life as a gay man and can not ever see myself acknowledging this. I have an adopted adult daughter whom I really love. And an unofficially adopted son and two grandchildren who make my life worthwhile, finally.

[@videogeek24]

I had a similar experience when it came to my religion, Catholic, and realizing that I am gay; I was about 18/19 when I was found out. I di not come out on my own time. I can say that Jacob is a very handsome guy and very strong for talking about his experiences. I still struggle with my Religion and being gay, today, but I have learnd to still live my life. How is Jacob doing with life? Is he single, hehehe Thanks for sharing you story. It does help to understand that all forms of religion making being gay difficult when you are brought up with it since birth.

[@beachgirl6305]

Aw, I feel so bad for Jacob... he seems so genuine and honest! I'm so sorry for him having to go through all this guilt. It's too bad he couldn't enjoy this zone leader as much as they wanted to! I don't mean having sex, I mean not feeling so guilty with the cuddling and maybe holding hands, or whatever. He's so much stronger than he thinks! I say that b/c he's been as honest about it as he could. I know it's good that he went through all that, but it's so sad. I'm thrilled for him that he's doing so much better!

[@CitizenMio]

Ok. but since you made the distinction, cuddling would be ok but sex would not be? How is that any different from two people who are very close sincerely enjoying each other? He even called it sensual cuddling, there's nothing wrong in anything they could have done together to express their affection. Still some guilt and apologies there for actions that require neither.

[@davidkirkham3148]

As a former member leaving the church at 15 when I was forced to come out and confess to the bishop, I’m not sure how I feel about the guy interviewing. Hope it’s to enlighten not get off on the trauma.. I don’t think I’ve got over growing up in the church but I’m vastly better off taking myself out of it. The courage of Jacob is inspirational

[@Jim-rh2nh]

Thank you so much for this podcast, inspiring bravery to learn to be comfortable in your body and journey, the same way Jacob found someone online speaking of their experience. May it be a light on a sometimes dark path.

[@kevinfarrell3121]

I’m trying to watch this whole interview in pieces, it’s really interesting and both of you guys have great interviewing abilities. You both seem to have a talent for letting each other speak and listening without taking away any of the story. Very well done and spoken!

[@kevinfarrell3121]

Everybody should want to just hug this kid! Whether he knows it or not, he’s literally an Angel here on Earth! I’m only half way through the video at this point. But I’m so intrigued by his story and just hope his World is great right now!

[@kevinfarrell3121]

Just finished the video and Even though I was never a Mormon, I did grow up in a Roman Catholic religious family in New York. I was an Alter Boy in the 70’s and 80’s at a time when it really wasn’t acceptable to be Gay. That being said, I can relate to Jacobs story on a lot of levels. I am in my mid fifty’s today and no longer have any religious faith and simply don’t really know what I believe day to day. (I do suppose I have some hidden faith as I do still pray to someone when I feel it’s necessary, I just don’t know what that faith is) Like Jacob says, I also believe in being nice (although I probably ain’t always nice even to myself). I live in a 22 year relationship with my partner and have been accepted and supported by most everybody in my family over the years, however I almost hysterically am still closeted in my work place outside of individuals I might confide in. A lot of folks know my lifestyle, however I never bring it up and still today don’t trust everybody with that personal information. I’m happy in my life and with most choices, but I am not mistake free. I wanted to thank you guys for this story and will likely watch some more. If for no other reason, than to help me navigate through my own world as a Human Being that just happens to be Gay! Thank you!

[@albertlyons1042]

​@kevinfarrell3121 Do yourself a favor, and stop calling it a "lifestyle." Lay that burden down, brother. It's *your* life. And regardless of where you are with regards to your religious beliefs, you are the only one who gets to say what it is or what it will be. One of the (many) things that forced me to push through the bullshit and leave myself open to uncomfortable and even unkind criticism from people who will never appreciate that I am more than my sexuality, is the realization that this is the only life I get. You do you and love who you want. The rest will sort itself out.

[@gareman]

Jacob - I know this is a very old posting - but I hope you are doing well and life is good for you. You are such a thoughtful guy with kind wise ideas of what is good. I hope you found someone to share your life with - he will be a lucky guy to have someone like you in his life! Sending good thoughts from Canada!

[@zemejal]

Thank you very much for sharing your story Jacob. It’s incredible how a system of belief or a church can change such a sweet and wholesome experience as cuddling into something sinful. I’m glad that your family was living and supporting throughout the way, and I hope you are in a much better place now.

[@davidimhoff2118]

I feel for Jacob. I can't imagine being in that environment and being shunned essentially. Jacob is such an adorable guy. I wish I could date him in a heartbeat! I wish him all the success and happiness in the world

[@RobertFleming]

Really insightful answers. I wasn’t raised Mormon, but the similarities between a Scotts Irish, Masonic lineage, Messianic Jewish cult raising and that of the LDS church are more than one might think at first glance. You are so sweet and I’m so glad that you’re happier and living a better life. Wishing you the best Jacob! And thanks to the channel for producing this type of content.

[@uiscepreston]

This bright young man looks like a Hemsworth!

[@misspolly2812]

Good point.. I was thinking while i was seeing this video that he looks, familiar to someone.. Now i have the answer👍

[@johnellis414]

What a lovely sincere, kind and honest person. I hope he has a life abundant with happiness.

[@chrispham5355]

I love Jacob. He deserves to be happy and so glad that he is

[@donnageesey9508]

Great story, Jacob. My grandson is gay and he is really searching. I was one of the first people he shared his gender with, because he felt he would not be judged by me. Love is the answer. We, as Christians, should not judge. Zachary is not very religious, but does believe in GOD. He is a great man of 20 yrs. old and has not met anyone at this point to share his relationship with. He is very LOVING, KIND, and CONSIDERATE. Do you have any advice to share with him?. Thank you again for your story! Peace and Blessings to you for a HAPPY, LOVING, life.

[@thecatman4ever]

Another wonderful video. Thank you for sharing your story Jacob : )

[@angiedl31]

I'd love to see an up to date where is he now.

[@paulomatos4815]

Jacob, your story was very enlightening, thank you. Remember God is important in everyone's life, He loves us all, no matter your sexual orientation.

[@markhellmers8950]

Jacob What a strong child of god you are. You were given special opportunities to grow and help others. 40 years ago, i lived your story. I have not been back to church as there is no place for gays. It is easer to distance yourself from pain and eventually you realize you are a good person and god will still love you. If others can’t accept you for being you, it’s their loss. God and I don’t speak much, but I hold my faith close to my heart and it has helped me in dark times. I now have man who accepts me, faults and all and I can see that I have still been blessed in many ways. There are paths that are set in front of us that we are destined to walk. You are not alone. Thank you for the strength you offer to others. I am proud of you. Mark H.

[@virilitas]

This is now 7 years old and I hope Jacob is doing well. He is a beautiful, warm young man. As a non-Mormon, I have watched these podcasts with interest. Of the several I have watched, there seems to be a consistent theme: once you leave the LDS Church, faith ends. Ex-Mormons rarely seem to embrace other forms of Christianity or other religions. In fact, theism itself ends - ex-Mormons tend to become agnostics or atheists. It's a fascinating binary.

[@peterfinn6098]

Ex Catholics too lol

[@GilbertGTV]

Jacob is amazing. How is he doing now? Does he have a website or even a social media so we can follow his journey post this interview? It is common decency to promote each other during interviews like this. He is sharing his story for this website, this host should point viewers to Jacob’s content as well, even if it’s just social media. Keep it equal.

[@Greg-rk5ku]

maybe Jacob doesn't want his socials shared

[@GilbertGTV]

@@Greg-rk5ku Although that is a possibility, that should be stated by the poster. Because it isn't, it simply looks like neglect.

[@davidrogers8928]

Having had some difficulty coming out back in the late 70s, sent to a therapist that was trying to "convert" me, I have many problems with religion and it's stance on being gay.

[@redmi9834]

I was a student nurse in the 60s and they were giving gay men drugs, aversion therapy with electrical devices and ECT. They really screwed up some of those poor guys. We had some attempt suicide as well.

[@dan98257]

Thanks for this wonderful episode. Thank you Jacob for your courage in sharing your story! I graduated Orem High in 76, went to BYU then a mission, then BYU , then flight training in Los Angeles where I finally came out. First experience felt so guilty, went home, confessed to bishop, disfellowshipped, 1 year probation, reinstated, but then realized I could not live a lie the rest of my life. Getting out from under the “ether” and figuring out how Mormonism and religiousity in general impacts one’s life is a challenging path indeed. I applaud your honesty and integrity for making such difficult choices and remaining so true to yourself. You are a beacon on a hill! Thanks for letting your light so shine! 👍❤️🙏

[@rudiechinchilla6746]

Costa Rica is nice

[@JairGarcia78]

Thank you for sharing this and other stories like this. I was a very devout Catholic as a teen to the point I considered becoming a priest and being gay made it very difficult for me. The internal struggles were real and debilitating. I can relate 100% to the experiences shared by Jacob, however it appears that requirement for boys to serve make the self accepting experience much more difficult. I hope that no one has to feel the was Jacob felt and that people can find help. There are many happy and successful gay people that have found their way living happy lives. The scars are deep but there is nothing better than living ones truth!

[@johnpaulchukwunonsoobieze9354]

I understand the feeling too. I am a Catholic and used to be very dogmatic about my beliefs. I can relate very much with Jacob too because I also thought I wanted to be a Priest. I still feel I have the Call but I'm reinventing my beliefs. I identify as a liberal Catholic and still believe in God! I think our biggest problem is our individual interpretation of God's purpose for us as humans. Each time I see religious bigots and homophobes say or do horrible things to others in the name of being God's hands to eliminate gays, I weep for the confusion people build themselves in. The simplest Catholic catechism of God's purpose for us is, "God made us to know Him, to Love Him and to serve Him forever in this world!" That keeps my faith and I don't get hinged on anyone's interpretation or rules.

[@marcosoliveira1649]

Sofredor. Se realmente Jesus Cristo é o nosso Salvador, então estou ansioso para descobrir se o universo gay é realmente inspirador e verdadeiro. Sofrência.

[@chiusacan18754]

He reminded me of one of my companion, from Draper. He passed away, but we loved each others very much. I visited him at his graveyard in Lehi. It was nothing sexual between both of us. He was more a brother that I never had. This boy looks very similar to my friend.

[@rothvinbosley1335]

What an amazingly candid and introspective fellow at only 23. I can see Mormon gays have a much greater pressure to marry and start families than the rest of us do. I think we are taught as youths that sex of any kind before marriage is a sin but gay sex is unforgivable. I think few people have been able to remain celibate through life if they are gay and marrying opposite sex partners to have children, for most really honest folks would be impossible. I think some questions do not deserve an answer. Why is someoneI sent home early is a very personal matter like why are you not married? It is no one's business. I think in my case after 50 years and coming out at age 65, I decided to leave my faith as well but am still very conflicted. I think it is something like racism that gets bred into you and that you can really just not eliminate very easily. Gay issues did not come up often in the 50's and 60's when I was young! The thought that one could have a marriage and children with a same sex person would have seemed crazy and holding hands in public even in LA was a cause for arrest. The internet allows us to discover the many dimensions of what people want to do, with whom and when. I think most of us just want to find someone to love and love us. If that is a sin than I don't want to believe in that God. We have to find happiness, joy and peace in this life. There may not be another one.

[@Mamah11]

This is one of the best episodes I have watched. Thank you, Jacob!

[@DLPSLA]

Thank you for your honesty and candor, Jacob. I'm glad you are moving forward on your journey.

[@angelinagomes2418]

I quit the Mormon church when I was 21 after I graduated. I didn't believe in they're teaching. My church is out in the worldness and nature. Not in a building when someone preaching to me. I only talk to God and I only listen to god. No one else

[@thewatcher6369]

Thank you, Jacob, for your interesting story. Many churches offer mission opportunities for their youth---two or three months is considered a very honorable and generous contribution to the effort to convert. Two years at the age of 18 or 19 is way crazy, and giving a whole year of your life is extremely generous.

[@pault9544]

Jacob - I stumbled upon this video through my feed, I really enjoyed listening to your raw an very vulnerable experience. Not mormon, but being raised Catholic, and switching to protestant, I can understand part of the struggle of coming to terms with ones sexuality in a religious upbringing. The part where you talk about your family's home welcoming, and disappointing your father, I could be wrong but you still seemed to be emotionally affected by it. Of course this is an older video, I hope you know by now that you ARE worthy. Hope you're doing well~

[@geofaddison4366]

Thanks for sharing your story so candidly, very courageous of you. Glad you found your way out, stay happy and strong!

[@PaulManchester-h3u]

Thanks for sharing your story. It is a tough thing to let go of beliefs that you have been raised in. I didn't grow up Mormon, but was deeply involved with a fundamentalist church when I was in my teens and early twenties. It takes a long time to weed out old ideas that were never true to begin with. I didn't come out until I was 28 and though it was tough on a lot of levels, my life has been a great adventure. The idea of readopting primitive beliefs would be like putting on dark glasses and never again seeing the world in full color in all its beauty and imperfection. My entire belief system at this point is simply to be kind to others and kind to myself. To respect others and to respect myself. That is not too simple of a belief system. All doctrinal stuff beyond that is pointless and simply words if they do not involve kindness and respect. That is what Life is about. (and Kindness and Respect for oneself means taking time to do things that you love... otherwise, what's the point. LOL) Best of wishes in your adventures.

[@d.gazinelli8785]

Jacob is such a smart young guy. Wish he had spoken about what he is doing now regarding school and work.

[@michaelgoh8163]

Not a Mormon myself but I understand where you are coming from. Consider keeping faith in God as He has taught you goodness at heart. Religion is a personal relationship with God. But with our human nature creating in us a need to impress our personal experience of God on others, we now have so many differing doctrines that human understanding cannot even begin to fathom into one communion...and yet, we all spring from what is essentially a common base. Thank God for you. I trust your kindness will go a long way in helping others struggling similarly to find an open path to happiness and I wish you every success and happiness.

[@bazookaman1107]

Jacob, you're an intelligent person with a beautiful mind and love in your heart. It crushes my core how religious influence can cause someone with so much life and good for this world to contemplate ceasing to exist. Thank you for your story. Warm Hugs.

[@rlalder3485]

I truly enjoyed this video. I am a gay exmormon . I came out to my children,grandchildren & Friends 6+ yrs ago .,2 temple marriages & 50+yrs active ,served a mission. I no longer have a belief in God. I do attend a church for social reasons,not Mormon .

[@gerardogalaz3549]

Whom ever know Jacob. Im in Utah, not to far from Orem, I will be happy to meet him. A big hug.!

[@willnoiles2001]

I give Jacob a lot of credit for being honest about what he experienced. Being sent home from his mission just for cuddling with another man strikes me as overkill, especially when one considers that the other man only received a 3-month parole and Jacob got 3X that. There shouldn't have been any negative consequences, but if there were going to be, both men should've been treated the same. After all, it takes two to tango! That said, I'm happy to hear that Jacob is in a much better place and has accepted how God made him!

[@bucer44]

It is over 6 years since you made this video so you are unlikely to read my remarks and comment on them. I identify as a gay man who had to reflect upon and reevaluate the evangelical Christian beliefs I held while at the same time working through feelings of guilt, shame ,self - hatred etc. which you as a member of the CJCLDS reference in the video. I was fortunate to find an accepting and affirming non - evangelical faith community in whose beliefs and practices I felt at home. I wonder how many gay Mormons consider or explore other faith communities in which to express a religious commitment or develop an authentic spirituality. Does rejection of Mormonism necessarily involve a rejection of religion?

[@stuartwilliams4016]

Jacob is such a beautiful person in every way, physically and emotionally…I just feel the need to hold him and protect him

[@juanswart3125]

I agree with you wholeheartedly!