Mitchell & Webb Live - Fear of Children

That is like no Womble I have ever heard.

[@ExBruinsFan]

And now, David's got one of his own! I wonder how the Womble voice is getting on.

[@MelchiahTheObscene]

This is exactly how I feel about children.

[@sarahlouise7163]

want a medal?

[@PlasmaMongoose]

The only thing scarier than babies are their parents.

[@M2Mil7er]

Reminds me of my 4th birthday somehow. I loved Wombles but came to understand they were only 3-4 feet tall. As a surprise a family member burst into the room in a Womble costume, towering over me. I think that was my first taste of true terror. Mike Batt ruled my nightmares for years to come.

[@caitthenerd7470]

2:14 David Mitchell suddenly realises that he is on stage...

[@justspenny]

well give her a kiss from the womble then! what, just sort of dab it against her? I DIED LAUGHING.

[@oywidapoodles]

"Then I'd have to have sex, an there's no way I'm doing that!" Ahh, I love him!

[@mygoodness717]

This is perfect - I have never been able to explain my fear/dislike of children to my friends. I think I will refer them to this video in future.

[@cnra7x]

Watching David Mitchell do Karaoke would be the best thing ever

[@Jcolinsol]

I hate when grown adults do baby-talk at a babies. It's an affront to the dignity of the baby.

[@sarahlouise7163]

ffs

[@asharmstrong6730]

Womble!

[@Ron-Ayres]

I'd conjecture that it's not an affront to the baby's dignity. It offends _you,_ which is materially different. 'Baby talk' is a vital part of infant development. Far from being an affront, babies actually _prefer_ *Infant Directed Speech* and respond to its exaggerated musicality. IDS serves a valuable range of purposes in communication development - attracting and holding infant attention, highlighting and enhancing linguistic segments and structure, communicating emotion, strengthening infant/caregiver social bonds, and stimulating vocal exploration - all vital for language development. I hope you learn this important lesson before you (ever) become a parent. Getting over your own embarrassment being a useful side-quest.

[@howamusing1]

Mr. Womble?!?! That is ORINOCO!

[@QuadMochaMatti]

I'm not feeling the flow. And that ain't Enya (thankfully).

[@8DX]

That end line .... high five man!

[@seyfosoley]

hahaaaaaaa "what just sort of dab it?" . brilliant, simply brilliant!

[@chesterdonnelly1212]

Lol, brilliant. I don't know why but I wasn't expecting a punch line, which made it all the funnier.

[@madscientist90]

This makes complete and utter sense to me.

[@CornishCreamtea07]

poor girl I feel sorry for her having a Mother who is that mental

[@kazjoy40]

1:36 Deadpan gold

[@dadeskr]

I know exactly how he feels, children make me feel exactly the same way. I don't hate them or anything like that I'm just not at all keen on them. I have nothing remotely close to a maternal instinct, I thought it would maybe develop as I got older but it never has. Kids can be mildly amusing at times but they can also be annoying and disgusting and the thought of having to live with them for years makes me cringe. Now a puppy, there's something I could dote upon and love.

[@sarahlouise7163]

sad arse

[@amyvsmith1989]

This sums up my feelings towards kids!

[@sarahlouise7163]

hope you are still childless and not actually inflicting yourself on innocent children

[@amyvsmith1989]

@@sarahlouise7163 yep. Still don’t have any kids. Not as afraid of them as my 18 year old self was when I wrote this comment though, as people in my circle have started having them now 🙂

[@AliceP.]

@@amyvsmith1989 Did your mind change on not having them? I'm just curious because I'm a 27 yo who has never wanted kids either and I wonder if the "you just wait and see" trope has any reason to it lol

[@amyvsmith1989]

@@AliceP. haha. Well this was 13 years ago, and now that I’m 33 they are still not on the agenda for me.

[@william-uk]

"But haven't we established you as Mr. Womble now?"

[@twattish00]

''OMG im so embarrassed ! Im so miserably embarrassed and i want to die ! ''

[@IngaFrid]

'That is like no Womble I have ever heard.' :D

[@1clackie]

this is how I feel about all children outside of my family

[@sarahlouise7163]

oh deary me

[@Stevelax87]

good lord if i were a child on the recieving end of that lass' "baby" voice i would be mortified, she is FREAKING SCARY!!!

[@SeemsNotStilish]

ICONIC

[@LordPie]

YES! That was my first thought too!

[@DavidBetz00]

That's not fear of children, that's just not acting like a moron around kids.

[@dorkmax7073]

PSA: Other people are not responsible for your baby. You can't force your child into other people's lives.

[@pantherion82]

how bloody true!

[@IntarwebUser]

Love the ending line. :D

[@Mirata87]

So recognizable -

[@NicWester]

Aside from the last two minutes, that's pretty much identical to how I reacted to my nephew.

[@EddieIzzardownsall]

hahahahaha!! love mitchell and webb! David Mitchell is the best!! so funny!! :)

[@NoukSilver]

That's Abigail Burdess, Robert Webb's wife. :)

[@Ellisaphant]

Amen!

[@jomayc0ck]

This is exactly how I feel about children....

[@sarahlouise7163]

want a prize?

[@asubjectiveopinion]

And they secrete some kind of sticky substance from their fingers, what the hell is that for, do they need to climb walls to escape from predators?

[@spiegalr]

Super ace.

[@Mysterioux]

God, my name is Jenny. Just them saying Jenny like that cracked me up.

[@SIngli6]

Touche.

[@jucci69]

You are absolutely right, it makse no sense. Kids do not want silly voices either, the whole thing is an adult misconception. Children just want an adult to listen to them and talk normally, like to any sensible person. Unfortunately, that does not happen too often . Trust me, I´ve got kids of my own.

[@SpannerScrew]

I know what he's talking about and I'm 14

[@LambyMcChop]

I know just how he feels.

[@LilithFilth]

The kareoke thing killed me! I'm 33 & don't have kids for that precise reason.....I "enjoy kareoke" a little too much you see. :)

[@vulcangrl13]

XD I adore children but this is hilarious!

[@jwforever316a]

so you want me to just dab it againsther? pissed meself for some reason. i love that man. David, you are a god.

[@pacatrue]

Yay, the sketch ends with the Prince scream!

[@ShanghaiForever]

"I'm so miserably embarrassed that I want to die!"

[@gunterdak]

"A baby is a tiny, hairless person with a sack of its own shit wrapped around its waist" - Patton Oswald

[@Theechosen1from1993]

that is like no womble i've ever heard

[@wybo2]

I'm gonna be uncle in a few mounths, and I'm afraid this senario probelby comming up.

[@clawlesslawless]

crazy coincedence,i had to pause "gett off" by prince to listen to that sketch then it comes on at the end,not interestin to anybody else except me maybe ,but a coincedence i felt worthy of comment

[@SpazzyMcGee1337]

That fall out and then regrow? I mean, WTF?! And those big heads. It's like they are mutants from a radioactive apocalypse.

[@Izaak247]

' I want to die' sums up some moments I. My life ;)

[@PaulHong22]

I'm utterly disappointed that he ended up having a child anyway.

[@monkeyah]

ive had a similar experience i was watching the omen on tape (you know old school retro style vhs cassetes) i was watching the bit when the woman jumps out of a window when the phone rang, i paused the vid and answered it, i was talking to my mate about school then he randomly threatened my saying he would throw me out of a window (he was just kidding)kinda scary.

[@BobbyDuwitz]

I wish.

[@TherealMrChristophel]

Do not confuse age, or rather a lack of it, with inexperiance.

[@sopho01]

"thats is like no Womble i have ever heard" rolfl hilarious "im so miserably embaressed, i want to die!" lol ;-)

[@SmokeRingsPipeDreams]

now we now, ... Now we know, ... Now We Know ...... Oops wrong video.

[@monkeyah]

i find that ignoring them works imensly. its a serious problem these days noone worries about the knife crimes or taxes any more, every time a kid goes past in a pram they look at me, its chilling. even when i dont look at them first i turn around and they already have eye contact, i can feel the cold hard stare, they have psychic powers dont you know, like damian

[@jagai]

kiss noise!

[@aldamaster]

best line- "yes but then i'd have to have sex..... and theres no way i'm doing that!!!!!"

[@meandmyvelo6380]

Excellent, Mitchell and Webb without any Webb.

[@asubjectiveopinion]

They all, without exception, look like Roy Kinnear.

[@MrsLovett112]

Eugh, I hate it when parents are all hyped like that. Hilarious to see it portrayed like this :P

[@Merocet]

FOR ADDED HILARITY TURN ON TRANSCRIBE AUDIO

[@MollieJ90]

This is me.

[@MinerKillers]

first time i seen my cousin: "Oh no.." Second time i seen my SECOND cousin: "OH CRAP!!! SOMEONE LOCK ME IN A BATHROOM NOW!!!"

[@MinerKillers]

THIS IS NOT HOW PPL REACT!

[@gosushigo97]

@quosmo1 microphone cos its on stage

[@TherealMrChristophel]

Y'know... I think she might just be that actress who played Moaning Murtill in HP 2, she was also in Doctor Who.

[@xxTakeAChanceOnMe]

Lol i love how primalscream got three thumbs ups for what he said but someone else got three down for agreeing :P

[@monkeyah]

im not very good with kids so i genraly ignore them. what can you do about these things

[@indifilmsmakenosense]

"I like sex, children, and karaoke" hopefully not all at once.

[@Jotari]

Would you settle for two of the three at once?

[@LostFanFiction]

Do not confuse inexperiance with inexperience.

[@CornishCreamtea07]

00:28 she sounds like Queenie from Blackadder II

[@Maverician]

The fuck it is, discrimination is one of the most important abilities that we have as a species. It is discrimination that stops people with heart conditions becoming fighter pilots, yet surely that is a good thing? The only discrimination that is bad is prejudice. Prejudice is unreasoned. Age discrimination is more reasoned than race or sex discrimination.

[@TrufflesMushroom]

@rattiepeake I dunno. I find this kind of thing refreshingly real.

[@TherealMrChristophel]

Interesting...

[@CTPerks]

Me.

[@mrowsan]

Fear of children, or fear of CREEPY MOTHERS

[@255ad]

@FrederickThePie I think that's a doll

[@Brotacon]

I'm like this with my neice, I just don't know how to deal with small kids...

[@80snessEj]

Lol at how he is just like a child himself xD

[@ssxcdave1]

That is like no Womble I have ever heard lmao.

[@TherealMrChristophel]

Oh God yes. (probably now someone's gonna start ranting at me for saying "Oh God yes".

[@olracsobi8352]

Oh I understand his embarassment! Why on earth should one talk to children as though they were lobotomized worms?

[@Jotari]

Cause they enjoy it.

[@olracsobi8352]

Who? The worms?

[@Jotari]

Olrac Sobi The worms are hypothetical.

[@olracsobi8352]

even the children are

[@Jotari]

Olrac Sobi Toche.

[@marks6663]

I am like this. I can't stand children. They make me feel awkward. And babies are the worst. But I love animals though. I can sing to them and everything. And I glad my brain is wired this way, because everybody else is a baby lover, we need to have some balance.

[@DukeOfKidderminster]

Children are just bastards waiting to happen.

[@cjwKILLEDcool]

Comments aside, lol at the video!

[@AvielMenter]

I think it would have been funnier if instead of saying "kiss noise" he'd made a sound effect like "boing" as though he didn't know what noise he was supposed to make.

[@SalamVeteramexHappyDagger]

Was this sketch ever recorded in studio?

[@LlamasOnAcid]

"and that would mean i would have to have sex and theres no way im doing that!" LOL

[@lryoung3655]

You feed them give them a roof over their head and buy toys and things as well as all the other things you do for them and then in return you sometimes ask them to smile at someone or wave bye bye to a relative or family friends and the buggers either just point blank refuse or just look and do nothing.. that's what really gets on my nerves

[@dmvg32]

kiss noise

[@thatdrattedcat]

Is that Abigail Burdess?

[@thechaos44]

I see...

[@multitudinal]

the woman is Robert Webb's wife in real life

[@CatLady999]

xD

[@8DX]

@zeeslag123 Young children are cute. Soft skin and head / eye / body ratio makes for cute. Also as a parent (from my experience) you do get the parenting hormones running through your body, and that's why the end of the vid is so funny and true - if we weren't hormone-pumped, we'd all find sex as something icky, sweaty and disgusting - just like children do.