Every Speech at the Tory Party Conference - in 3 minutes!

[@GideonF64.9]

It's hard times for satire when the real thing is actually considerable more bizarre and bonkers than anything said in this video.

[@TheBeird]

I wish I could take credit for this comment, but I saw someone describe the conference as “Nuremberg Rallies without the audience.” At this point it’s just exhausting how brazenly horrible they are. But worse still is that there is still a chance of them winning. The Fuck Happened To Us?

[@Tulkash01]

You have an electoral system that allows 30% of the population, mostly elder people with outdated notions in their heads, to decide decide who should govern the whole of your Country, and they invariably choose sociopaths beholden to big money interests to skrew the rest of you over.

[@1258-Eckhart]

Did you see Nigel Farage at the Reform-UK conference? They're apparently going to 1. Kick French arse over the small boats; 2. Kick EU arse over trade deals; 3. Kick ECHR arse over Human Rights; 4. Not Kick Russian arse quite so hard as everybody else is. Put the thing into B&W and overdub into German and you've got Joseph Goebbels in Nuremberg. I find it funny, because the only arse being kicked will be theirs by the British electorate.

[@johnpritchard8946]

I love the attention to detail here. Even the logo: "Short-term Bigotry for a Bleaker Future", is so well crafted. The right to drive for three hours to a specific Tesco local line had me in stiches. Wonderful stuff Matt.

[@garethaethwy]

What I want to know is what's so special about the crisp selection in that specific Tesco Local...

[@Aranel_Alasse]

Zen-ophobic -"I'm not afraid of monks!" 😂😂😂

[@nickthenoodle9206]

Truly just pure genius.

[@casbot71]

"My children pay me rent, but that's purely for tax purposes."

[@johnjephcote7636]

I gather in my rents as well (socks and trousers mainly)..but ''in the dark like Father Mackenzie when no one can see'.

[@SkyEcho7]

😂😂😂 Brilliant

[@mityaboy4639]

but with all seriousness: this is exactly what happened there. i am so fed up that its always someone else’s fault… and that the change is “here” … when they were in power for 13 years now… why they let things to “break” for 12+ years … but now(!) they are ready to fix it? what the heck they did until now? change… yes… we need that… change from them . Well done Matt! well done. and thanks for making us laugh… god know we need you

[@rorylyons1091]

what the heck they did do until now? You don't think all that tax money just embezzles itself do you. See if you can do better, I bet you couldn't run a country into the ground whilst simultaneously making all your best chums rich could you, mister clever trousers.

[@Ar7is.anonymous]

They've been watching people they've made poor and doing drugs... I noticed grant shitty shapps was watching me on UC benefits when I was complaining about the economy he was dumb enough to reply with a youtube video admitting the economy was in the shit and since has been removed from youtube lmfao next time i saw him on the youtube media he was reading off some tablet like he got told off because he let something slip, these idiots have no idea we all know what's going on

[@mityaboy4639]

@@rorylyons1091 you are right, i would be probably unable to match their greed and xenophobic rhetoric… i apologise for my lack of skills on those subjects. I shall never complain about the government again. they are clearly better than me. :) they are also better growing pies and eating our cake and having theirs still.

[@philip2180parker]

Penny Mordaunt's "speech" reminded me of a certain Ms Kimberly Guilfoyle's effort a few years back, totally deranged. 😵‍💫

[@peterreeves6825]

short term bigotry for a bleaker future! Well done Matt!

[@orense.n]

It may seem like it writes itself, and yet Matt only you can do it❤

[@anonUK]

Sunak announced the cancellation of the Birmingham-Manchester leg of HS2 in the main hall of the former Manchester Central Station. And Suella Braverman, whose parents were from Goa, gave the modern equivalent of the Rowan Atkinson "Now that we've got the recipe..." speech!

[@martynjones8560]

"And his name rhymes with ... er ... Jeremy Corbin". Thank goodness I wasn't drinking anything at the time!

[@indivisible4835]

"and we, are sh..." Brilliant as always Matt. I shall send you the dry cleaning bill for my coffee stained suit. 🤣😂😅🤣😂

[@anthonymcloughlin2634]

This is just brilliant 😂😂😂😂

[@banditalley9592]

The moment I saw Penny Moron stand up and (fight) deliver that speech, I thought "I can't wait for Matt's video later!| It was so obvious this was coming, thank you for hitting the nail on the head as always!

[@1258-Eckhart]

It's brilliant that the Tories deliver so much comedy material. That Mordaunt speech (I was going "pleeeez don't stab the air once more with your index finger") came straight out of a Stanley Kubrick movie.

[@coppershark1973]

They’re all despicable. Their wealth has corrupted them all entirely.

[@jamieashton3835]

The tory conference conedy gold!!

[@horsepilot6655]

I'm still fighting for my Tesco value believes.. my left hand won't stop smacking my face

[@roderickmain9697]

Sounds about right. Easily believable actually. Only the Tories could go to Manchester and cancel the high-speed rail infrastructure to Manchester ...while being in a former railway terminus station. Amusingly, (accidently) clicking on a link to get tickets to the conservative conference today comes up with "Whoops. You're off track". So many multiple ironies. Well done , Matt.

[@asahdo]

Haven’t watched the video yet I’m writing this first because I want Matt to ❤ it Edit: have now watched it. Thought this was going to be a comedy sketch not just a clip from the actual Tory party conference

[@alex3dmc]

“No I don’t think that makes me xenophobic - I’m not afraid of monks” made me snort whilst sitting on this train 😂😂😂 Spot on as always. 👏👏👏

[@Sammy-vb8lv]

I don't get the monk joke, could someone explain it?

[@chaoz1666]

@@Sammy-vb8lv i think if you read it as zen-ophobic it makes sense

[@alex3dmc]

@@Sammy-vb8lv xenophobic is pronounced zen-ophobic. Zen is a school of Buddhism (mostly practised in Japan & Taiwan) and one where its monks commit themselves to seeking enlightenment/awakening through practises such as meditation and chanting. Hope that helps. Keep curious & never be afraid to ask if you don’t understand 🤓

[@Sammy-vb8lv]

@@alex3dmc omg of course, how did I miss that?! Must have been half asleep watching that, or numbed by Tory idiocy.

[@Sammy-vb8lv]

@@chaoz1666 thanks 🙏

[@stevemartin239]

The entire Tory fiasco brilliantly put into a 3.35 minute nutshell. Supurb Matt! Thanks for sharing

[@sandydobbie1255]

What a brilliant truthful take on the present Tory Fascist party in the U.K. !!!m

[@alanbeaumont4848]

"the Labour Party rolls over and... has a cup of tea." If any Tory speaker had included this in their speech it would be their only bit of honesty.

[@keithparker1346]

The Tories criticisms of Starmer are usually accurate

[@woofpet]

“We need REAL tyranny to deal with it” 😂

[@bernieburrows3731]

😂🤣 brilliant yet again 😂

[@chrisstewart7420]

Love that backdrop logo Matt, spot on😂

[@OperaDivasBoudoir]

Thank you for this comprehensive collection. It saves me from spending days turning my stomach inside out over a toilet bowl listening to the speeches.

[@MrJaspett]

Every act of reactionary selfishness and indifference to suffering moves us towards the national and international dystopia we are all fighting for!

[@Sammy-vb8lv]

Brilliant as always Matt, now get yourself on the road, those crisps won't eat themselves!

[@TheRichSmyth]

I felt physically sick watching their conference…this has really taken the edge off of it.

[@johnjephcote7636]

It was Mordaunt's HenryV speech that got me...more like "Onward Joe Soap's army, marching as to war-with our brave commander safely in the rear."

[@Paul-eb4jp]

You missed the part about knowing what a woman is but got the rest of the conference in its entirity.

[@natashasawhney236]

Just brilliant 😂😂😂

[@Tr1ckady]

Comedy excellence 😂

[@Jan-lb2sf]

Brilliant 👍 as usual 🤣😂🤣😂

[@jacqueslapidieux3182]

Tory Conference T20 style highlights package..!

[@markelmslie6832]

Genius! We are unworthy!

[@ghengis430]

Scarily accurate. The small bits I've seen, yep. Keep them coming. Only a year more devastation if they do as promised, eh.

[@bigN-422]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 that was brilliant. 🇩🇪❤🇬🇧

[@stephenodey5147]

Super EXCELLENT 😅😂🤣🥲😆😁😄😅😀😃

[@iainstuartdootson5478]

"I've got a sword " The breathy intonation on "Margaret Thatcher" These are just two of my favourite bits of this truly excellent take-off [take-down? would that it were] of our current crop of Conservative c#@%s....

[@johnjephcote7636]

...And just because some moistened bint hands you a sword doesn't make you king.

[@sheilaroddick5853]

Love it,love it,love it.😅

[@adrianrutterford762]

Nice work Mr Green

[@plerpplerp5599]

The Tories are Britain's best bizarre comedy act since Monty Python.

[@andrewturnbull6144]

Love it! 😂

[@kimberleyaxxxx934]

Excellent...!

[@hugebartlett1884]

That just about sums up their entire policy. It will take more than a political change to put this country right. A united movement by the whole population in fact.

[@kevincox-qc9mc]

Absolute genius Matt! Thanks so much we really need satire in these bleak times.

[@seanduggan3453]

@MattGreenComedy there is so, so much packed in there I don't know where to start....

[@jamesevans8520]

brilliant as always buddy

[@eileenclark7744]

Superb as always.

[@31Blaize]

Didn't actually know whether to laugh or cry at this - ended up doing a bit of both!

[@Anmeteor9663]

And the Tories took all week to say just this.

[@jyvben1520]

their writers/spin doctors are payed for each word ...

[@bahialynch3037]

I have never laughed so much. Absolutely brilliant😂😂😂😂

[@tinagibbs618]

Thank you for being you. xx

[@ComeRee]

Gold, as always my friend! Cariad fawr o Gymru - Much love from Cymru [Wales]

[@bettyswallocks6411]

Thank you so much for prompting an image of the current tory Cabinet & notables, as a drug-smoking biker gang c/w bike chains and greasy fingernails. It doesn’t want to go away, either. So thanks very much, it’s actually a very entertaining scene, especially Desmond Swayne in dirty jeans and a leather jacket and Therese Coughey cleaning her fingernails with a butterfly knife.

[@rosemarystewart7405]

Oh dear Matt. I'm laughing so much i can't possibly fight. And i love Mid summer murders! Please tell I'm woke! 😅😅

[@Alex-cw3rz]

I think he's standing up and fighting

[@annethroop229]

Excellent.

[@domgould5113]

Spot on..

[@dellaanniehughes4533]

... that won't happen. So true.

[@metalhead2550]

Pretty much spot on

[@diceman199]

Yep.....one of the listed infrastructure projects has already been dropped.....under 24 hours....is that a new record?

[@DevastateOrionVII]

Hahaha Gold mate! ❤🎉😂

[@clivemortimore8203]

"I've got a sword"

[@themarleysderby5505]

Brilliant 😂

[@davidgreer8269]

Brilliant

[@JohnLovesSpain]

Thank you Matt, I was waiting for an accurate summary of the con...ferance, saved me watching the bullshit show. Summed up beautifully I guess... down with cigarettes!!! What a deflection tactic... Fishy is a genius!

[@ljs399]

Everyone should watch the Penny Mordaunt we need to fight video. It’s right up there with Truss’s pork markets. Matt gets it spot on every time.

[@EthanKristopherHartley]

"... and I, have a sword." 😂 Although it followed a Mordaunt reference I like that this reference could be to a number of them since they probably bought a full suit of armour for the hallway in their student digs and it's followed them around ever since. 😉

[@PaulThompson500]

👏👏Great video. The conference really was pants down surreal. Please tell me, (for my sanity) that mast people are not deluded enough to vote for these mad hatters.

[@OniMorter]

0:09 Reminds me of an old cartoon line "Dear rich Dora Standpipe, how I love her...father's money." - Dan Backslide

[@janetgough6585]

Oh Matt. Thank you so much for lifting our spirits, but even you can't make me smile about this racist, classist, egregious excuse for a government.

[@gav1nwood]

Xenophobic? I’m not scared of monks! 😂👏👏

[@mityaboy4639]

Love it!

[@laxeystu8096]

Very funny

[@gordonstrong5232]

The 3 hour drive to Tesco local line was great lol! We must definitely ban short distances between things...take that wokies! 😅

[@sandrafrancis3631]

Hilarious! Brilliantly funny!!😂 if only Sunak could see your videos then he might realise how ridiculous his party is!! I'm not afraid of monks!!😂! 👍Thanks for the laughter!!🎉

[@gadgett4174]

👌👏

[@christopher-ke9nj]

Epic

[@mchparity]

Woke tyranny is the worst form of tyranny!

[@12theotherandrew]

This is a party political broadcast on behalf of the Conservative and Unhinged Party.

[@PaulK-ve1pu]

I love satire and this bloke is good at it but I carry with me a profound sadness for those who follow us. Theirs is a future beyond satire, where nothing works and everything fails. They won't be concerned about Tory lies, but about how to survive on a dying planet.

[@Suse26]

Spot on! Thank you for making me smile after watching the bizarre events unfolding in Manchester. If the German conservatives follow the same road (and it looks likely atm) I’ll invite you over for a similar report 😉

[@johnkay3824]

Luxury laughs.

[@tsr207]

Matt never fails to impress with his attention to detail, his copying of mannerisms - and of course razor sharp wit ! The only pity is that Jonathon was not reporting - he isn't away to a station that suddenly has vacancies ..........

[@rsfaeges5298]

😂

[@DanielleKingdjdinosaur]

yep thats about the gist .

[@dijellicoe3185]

Accurate

[@jamesharvey8835]

Watching your videos is a wonderful way to start the day- thanks.

[@spaceforgrace3312]

and the right way for me to end mine!

[@Albanach-je1nk]

For a moment I thought that was satire till I released it was real.

[@paulgray2569]

Just pretending 😂.... Everyone I know

[@charlielynes]

Completely Unnecessary National Tories

[@MicrophonesInTheTrees]

Where's this flippin' chicken?

[@RichardSteeper]

😹👍

[@Knee-JerkReactor]

Aha. Aha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! 🙃 Wut?

[@Jourifouler]

Too honest needs more conspiracy theorys

[@MHACompute]

Typical Tories - couldn't even do that right! Instead, they stood up and clapped ☹