Mock the Week - Rejected First Lines from the new Harry Potter Book

Enjoy!

[@osobaeniola1695]

"Finishing in the cafeteria, harry and Ron turned their wands on themselves".... all the other wizards with their pumped up kicks.

[@mankymax]

pumped up sticks

[@michaelscott6022]

Frankie and Hugh had way too much fun with the Harry Potter topic.

[@Awesomegirl9088]

"I'm sorry Harry," said Ron, "I thought you felt the same way."

[@TeaCub]

"It's not as good as that one" - aw, bless!

[@firefly7980]

As Harry bent over and put his face into the pensieve, Dumbledore snatched at an opportunity.

[@BrokenSaintRW]

*Unhelpful Things to Say in a Crisis* Our Thoughts and Prayers are with you.

[@footballnerd277]

'Now is not an appropriate time to talk about gun control'

[@RenegadeShepTheSpacer]

@@footballnerd277 And now you're gonna believe us.

[@MMR_LM]

3:25 is my new ringtone.

[@ruairilavery8956]

"Finishing in the cafeteria, Harry and Ron turned their wands on themselves." Hahahahahaha. The subtlety in that joke is fucking exquisite.

[@SupahDevo]

Why don't we get the UN involved?

[@Lord_Skeptic]

shall we use the invisibilty postion to spy on Hermione while she is having a shower

[@ChrisManley1994]

"Finishing in the cafeteria, Harry and Ron turned their wands on themselves!!!!!!!" OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@jaggass]

Its a Columbine High School joke. The 2 attackers killed themselves in the cafeteria.

[@TwentyTwoOctober2001]

+Michael Langley Actually they killed themselves in the library on their second visit there

[@mrmannyman2]

Frankie's go at 0:44 , funnily enough, is basically the plot of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen volume 3. I'm not even kidding.

[@billybarnell1996]

You're not too :)

[@tomsmurf4225]

The fact that snape's death scene in that book is more true to his character than his actual death

[@notAshildr]

AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! most unhelpful thing in a crisis ;)

[@emicomel]

Frankie went to the mic when Dara just started to say the topic. He is fast

[@TheTP1007]

I am Lord Voldemort...... and I'm an alcoholic. Love that line!!

[@HDTokyoAviation]

Genital warts at hogwarts, I died when she said that!

[@Kemonokami]

My entry: "It was a warm summer day when Scrotie McBoogerBalls..."

[@Sakusho]

Where's Russell Howard on a day like this XD

[@striverfor7628]

1:58 "Come on ya bastard!" he said

[@RandomPeter94]

"Genital warts at hogwarts" :L

[@abbitelford6814]

Omg, I thought f one for harry potter. "Ron, if the imperious curse makes people do stuff, maybe we could use it on girls to have sex.

[@AnnoyingBeast]

@McFearsome2 Yeah but northern Ireland is an illegitimate occupation, rendering your arguement both irrelevent and invalid.

[@alexcameron8724]

Can you explain to me Frankie Boyle's joke at 0:44? No funny business, I seriously don't get it.

[@oldfashionedguy1368]

It's a reference to the Columbine High School massacre which occurred in 1999.

[@lancecampbell4323]

And in the uncut version, the ending is, “Hogwarts school shooting.”

[@Bladerunner93]

Can someone explain the "14th century text" joke at 2:57 to me?

[@swordseye2]

Unhelpful things to say in a crisis "AAAAAAAAA!" lol, why do I find that funniest? ^^

[@Lord_Skeptic]

unhelpful things to say in a crisis. bugger.

[@LD-bj4xc]

What a team,frankly Hugh and Ed,nobody would stand a chance

[@Kingpin1880]

*pauses at 0:03* That... is an unusual expression...

[@TheNathanNS]

Frankie Boyle is a legend. He makes the funniest jokes I ever heard on Mock The Week.

[@tahenhao]

I've never seen dara laugh so much!

[@TheMikeyReilly]

"Finishing in the cafeteria, Harry and Ron turned their wands on themselves" So fucking funny.

[@X3H3X]

Unhelpful things to say in a crisis "Well...just got one piece of advice for you all. EVERYONE PANIC! WE'RE ALL FUCKED!"

[@As_ad_A]

lol yea i doubt that Frankie Boyle has, though you pick up alot of stuff about something when it's is this big in popular culture.

[@McFearsome2]

@smeg12345 you don't watch too much QI, do you? "Britain" is often used to mean the entire UK, and that context is what i was referring to, as the term "Britain" was used in your comment. otherwise i would have said 'UK', as i usually do. last time i checked, NI was part of the UK (it may have changed while my back was turned..), so therefore, 'Britain' & 'British' would also include NI, but not ROI...

[@Awesomegirl9088]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[@SonOfHighValour]

@Dehbishop I know what makes up Britain and I know we Irish are no longer part of the union. That doesn't change the fact that the union jack is made up of three flags, which each reprecent the patron saints of Scotland, England and Ireland, superimposed over each other.

[@deliciousmentalfudge]

@EjvindDark Perhaps, but the in the Columbine massacre there were two of them ('Harry' and 'Ron'), and they killed themselves in the cafeteria of the school, whereas Dunblane was one middle-aged man who killed himself in the school gym.

[@FalconsPOWN2]

Half-men Half-Horse. As in they got human torso arms and head, but a horses legs. Well you could say that you replace the head + neck of a Horse with a Human Stomach, Back, Arms and head you get the picture

[@andarsjukir]

Has someone been watching to much Ray William Johnson? Please kid, stay away from the mature part of youtube that doesn't think everything is fake, and don't call things "gay" for no reason.

[@darkbunglex]

Having finished in the cafe Harry n Ron turned their wands on themselves.. Dont get it. Why do funny. Has something to do with wanting to die after being in a cafeteria but dont know why

[@DeathByTarantula]

Does anyone else think that the losers have to do something really horrible? They all look genuinely upset that they lost the game, as if something's going to happen to them.

[@awakejupiter]

@AvengerDanXD Columbine high school massacre. Two students went on a shooting spree before killing themselves in the school cafe. It's a very famous case.

[@deliciousmentalfudge]

@rassinlababidi I've heard (and it probably is true) that they're told the topics beforehand so that they can think of some stuff to do straight away.

[@Dynexsil]

"I'm not a fucking wizard!! 😭😭"

[@astaliini]

hahahaha these two were probably my favourite categories :DDD

[@SonOfHighValour]

@smeg12345 I think he's talking about how the british flag is made up of three flags which use to reprecent Scotland, England and Ireland.

[@sargentaaron2004]

unhelpful lines to say in a crisis, probably the best quick fire round yet

[@rupertmatthews5949]

notice how he starts walking before hes said anything to do with harry potter :/ sorry dude, im being a raging troll :L

[@McFearsome2]

@Dehbishop St Georges Cross is the red cross over the white background and it represents england, not wales OR ireland.

[@animewarriorgirl15]

ED BYRNE!!!!

[@KayleighNatasha]

Unhelpful Things To Say-How About Ah Fucking Hell, Not Again

[@rupertmatthews5949]

Frankie didn't even look at the category when he walked up. i hate fake shit :p

[@kennycolliver]

i got 1 4 the crisis 1, anyone got a spare pair of pants

[@kevinwilson1544]

Its dark humour about a school massacre - substitute guns for wands....

[@utdfortreble]

@DJJB10 substitue wands for guns and think about the columbine shooting.

[@McFearsome2]

@smeg12345 that all depends on if he is from ROI or Northern Ireland.

[@FalconsPOWN2]

Tgey appear in greek mythology, which i have studied extensively

[@TheMikeyReilly]

Yeah, it's a massacre joke. It's hilarious.

[@BlueSharkBoy434]

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!" LMAO

[@IneffableLifestyle]

can someone please explan the first frankie boyle joke?

[@59parksimple6]

Harry Potter and the other actors who didn't actually read the book

[@jamiebellingerphoto]

I think they've probably just seen the films ...

[@jigglery123]

Why don't we get the UN involved OhMyGodMySides

[@MrJoec2010]

Frankie was a bit eager at the start wasn't he?

[@justkaizer4]

and how do you know that was their first take?

[@thaer12345]

can someone explain the cafeteria joke at 0:45

[@JeffersonDinedAlone]

Harry Potter is now too old for Harry Potter.

[@lau7aroz]

@IAmGenerationPotter Whose line is it anyway?

[@jackass3285]

i am lord voldemort... and i am an alcaholic

[@TheJLar2011]

who ever placed the mic did a one sided job

[@DaekoTan]

Once there was a school massacre by two boys carrying firearms, they shot and killed themselves after finishing their slaughter. Frankie just substituted "guns" with "wands".

[@Kemonokami]

Or My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. :3

[@Alfrey619]

LOL, Frankie at 0:45 Columbine reference

[@SoFarSoGoodSoWhat14]

Was that a Columbine joke? O u, Frankie.

[@WillBrooksss]

How to ruin the humour in the video: Step 1: Take a joke from the video Step 2: Shove it in the comments

[@Stubrit]

Step 3: Analyse it to fucking death.

[@drifingoogification]

was frankie ever on the losing team? ;

[@x0th101]

No one is too old for harry potter =p

[@BingowingsBadBleeps]

No-one is too YOUNG for Happy Potter!

[@jamtheman3017]

what does the cafeteria joke mean?

[@jackbradney1100]

i don't get the grease the goat one

[@kate_cooper]

1:36 That's not funny, that's sad. :(

[@UndefeatableTwilightCatgirl]

It might have been a reference to Aberforth Dumbledore, who apparently was quite fond of goats.

[@AvengerDanXD]

I dont get the cafeateria one =3

[@pooooooooooooooooo32]

What was the cafeteria one about

[@Potionette81]

'Let's have a nice cup of tea'.

[@ghfacta2]

It must surely be vile as well.

[@Kemonokami]

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding me?!

[@Goldendroid]

You know I was just making fun of your spelling of "Centaur". I am not that into the entire universe of harry potter.

[@mj_dj]

I think it was a reference to Lord of Flies, however I have no idea what it has to do with Harry Potter.

[@RandomPeter94]

genital warts and hogwarts :L

[@Sesquedoodle]

Where did you hear that? I'm pretty certain it was always a kids' book - which does not mean grown-ups can't enjoy it!

[@EssentialOption]

reference to school massacres

[@Dixafix]

@lau7aroz was British first

[@larry149]

hogwarts school massacre lol

[@chandlerkerr2190]

Unhelpful Things to Say in a Crisis: "I know, why don't we get the UN involved" XD

[@AtheerAl]

hilarious..

[@UndefeatableTwilightCatgirl]

Most likely a reference to Aberforth Dumbledore. He had an affinity with goats.

[@timebomb4562]

Bad news the ship is damaged beyond repair and there’s only one lifeboat on this ship Good news I’m already on it so long suckers

[@istilldontcare2]

replace 'wand' with 'gun'

[@denisewallace3232]

@x0th101 i miss herpies