An Honest Talk About Pregnancy After Loss

[@MaggieReid97]

To try to make this response less complicated: I've had a healthy baby, miscarriage, healthy baby, miscarriage, healthy baby (who I'm currently pregnant with). Your story about your pregnancy with Sophie reminded me so much of my pregnancy with my second living child. We got pregnant again the first month that we had the go-ahead to try again after our first miscarriage. So much of that pregnancy was filled with grief and fear, regardless of how far along I got. I really wish I had enjoyed his pregnancy more as I was so healthy with no complications. We had our second miscarriage in between him and the baby I'm currently pregnant with but I feel like this time around I've been a lot happier (especially after the first trimester) because we had 8 months in between that miscarriage and getting pregnant again. My heart had more time to heal. It's really terrible how much previous loss effects you when you have the chance to be pregnant again. For me, since our first loss, every first trimester has felt like a ticking time bomb and I'm legitimately afraid to go to the bathroom out of fear that I'll look down and see blood. It feels like you should be and deserve to be happy after all you've been through, but you're so scared that you just can't. I completely understand where you're coming from and how you feel. Don't let yourself feel bad for feeling different emotions. It's such an emotionally complicated time and when you throw in all the hormones, the last thing anyone needs is to feel guilty on top of that. I really hope that as you get farther along you're able to be more confident in your body and truly enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

[@MommaAlia]

I couldn’t say it better myself Maggie, thank you💕💕

[@samanthaeaton5330]

I've had 3 miscarriages and I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant, I found your page whilst I was pregnant last time. And you have no idea what your page has done for this pregnancy, I've enjoyed so much more and tried to be less negative just because you said that you wished you had enjoyed your healthy pregnancy and you felt like the miscarriage stole that happy time from you, it really hit home to me. I still have worries of course, but I really try hard just to enjoy this for however long I get to have them. So thank you honestly for being the reason I'm not a wreck all of the time.

[@MommaAlia]

Aw Samantha I’m so happy for you❤️ I hope you have a healthy and smooth rest of your pregnancy that brings that baby earth side. I’m glad my words could help you. I’m trying to remember them now through everything. You deserve to feel every second of happiness of your pregnancy. Sending you love💕

[@daisycouchfarm2464]

I think you’re on to something because while I have not become pregnant since my loss, I’ve noticed that I’m the same way when it comes to playing on to the anxieties when they happen. I’m so happy for you guys and praying for a good and healthy pregnancy for you 💕

[@MommaAlia]

I hope your earth side baby comes to you soon💕

[@bradybrowning8274]

Thank you for this Alia! We are not alone. That is one of the biggest things that hit me. I told my husband that one of my biggest struggles was I never knew anyone else who had gone through this. Though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it’s not something people talked much about in past generations (at least in my family) and I felt totally alone. Thank you for being so raw and honest. I fully believe your honesty and your message is helping a ton of people, even those that may not comment.

[@MommaAlia]

Thank you so much Brady💕 anytime you need to talk, I’m here!

[@mariahjane7401]

I'm 13 weeks with what I hope will be my rainbow baby. (and my fist after 6 years TTC) I've only lost one baby at 10 weeks. I found out I was pregnant a year to the day of when I was told my baby died. I've been a nervous wreck the whole time and honestly I'm in the same boat my MIL keeps asking when I'm going to be happy about this (I am happy and grateful just not confident) until she's born. I honestly don't know. Ive told my close friends, and parents and inlaws but don't plan on telling anyone else I know until she's born because of the AWFUL treatment of my employees, coworkers, bosses and just random people that knew last time. I'm so happy for you and hope. For the best for you! ❤️❤️😍😍😘😘

[@rebekahescobedo9962]

I was nervous during my pregnancy because of the miscarriage I had. It was also a very difficult pregnancy and even though I want more kids I am afraid of being pregnant again right now. The fear of another loss and the fear of another difficult pregnancy is very real for me right now. I'm encouraged by your determination and bravery. Praying for you guys.

[@Mamak_RN]

I’m still soo excited for you guys. I originally came to your page to get info about breast feeding but now I’m stuck. I had one miscarriage before this pregnancy which will be my first (34 weeks tomorrow) and I’ve been on edge all pregnancy. So I totally understand where your coming from about the paranoia and emotions. Btw I still check.. it just makes me feel comfortable!

[@MommaAlia]

I’m glad to hear I’m not alone lol! Thank you and congrats momma💕💕

[@ReallyReallyNow]

I had a miscarriage on Aug 7th. My OB wanted to see my levels hit 0. They just hit 0 on Nov 6th. That is 4 months. Its been a huge roller coaster for both my boyfriend and I. I feel very emotional lately because the holidays are very fun for my family. My mind can't stop thinking about how different it would be with our baby still growing. my OB said because it took so long to drop we have to wait a full complete cycle if we want to try again. I'm frustrated but I know my body needs it. I'm like you though, cleaning keeps my mind busy. So, my whole house is clean haha. Everyday is different and it feels like I'm in this weird limbo. I hope that makes sense. I do know that this video helped me today. Even though you are mainly referring to pregnancy after loss. I will come back though and watch it again when I need this. Thank you!

[@MommaAlia]

Ugh I’m sorry momma. Miscarriage is so much worse when the physical implications drag out. It’s like torture. I can’t believe it took that long to drop and I would be just as impatient as you. I hope with all the physical stuff coming to a close, you’re able to find more peace every day. And I hope your sticky baby isn’t too far off either💕

[@ReallyReallyNow]

Momma Alia Yea, it was really tough. The back and forth. I’m happy we can focus on healing this past month. And maybe start trying this coming month! My boyfriend has been my rock! We have been able to truly lean on each other! Thank you! And I really hope you find peace as well. I know you plan to take a break and I hope that allows you and mark to heal! ❤️ I’m sending both you and Mark love and support!

[@raquelh1785]

Hi Alia, I went through the same emotions as you did. As your pregnancy progresses you will begin to feel more positive. This is indeed a worrisome time bc of what you have experienced prior. But have a lot of faith. Things will go well for you. Very excited for your pregnancy updates!!

[@MommaAlia]

Thank you Raquel💕

[@kyriabrown4759]

I am pregnant after loss and it messes with your head 🙈 sending you so so so much love and happy moments with your little baby bean and your whole family Alia ❤️ one day at a time/one trip to the bathroom at a time... we all do it lol

[@MommaAlia]

Congrats Kyria❤️❤️ Thank you💕

[@sandram6665]

Thank you for this video and all your help and support to us. Your are very brave to share your feeling . And also thank u for all your exclusevly pumping videos I breasfeed my first for 19 month but with my second daughter I clouldnt she was tongue tied we clipped it twice and was not gaining weight due to low supply that when I turned to your channel for exclusevly pumping support and made is through I have been exclusevly pumping for 6 months now. Could not have done with out your videos.

[@MommaAlia]

Thank you so much Sandra💕 I’m so glad my videos could help. Congrats on 6 months, that’s amazing🎉

[@deonnalamberty4453]

Your videos have helped me through my 15 week miscarriage. I’m only a week out and trying to find that peace with what has happened. We are older 34 and desperately want our 2nd baby. I’m just not sure if I can go through loss again. Anyways thank you for your videos they have helped me through a very dark time. Congratulations it’s a blessing!

[@MommaAlia]

I’m so sorry for your loss momma❤️ All we can do is take it one day at time. I hope you’re able to get any answers you possibly can. I know how difficult it is to be left with none. Sending you love and my thoughts that you’ll get that earth side babe soon💕

[@michelledale4363]

It is definitely a struggle! I lost a baby girl at 22 weeks 3 years ago. I'm now 25 weeks pregnant with baby #2 (a baby boy). It's been a roller coaster the whole way. Definitely been holding my breath this whole time, and will not take a breath until we can hold him in our arms. Will be praying for you!

[@MommaAlia]

I’m sorry for your loss Michelle❤️ I hope the rest of your pregnancy is smooth and brings your little boy earth side💕

[@Hopeyunit]

I am so excited for both of us!! I’m 6 weeks pregnant Due date 7/10/19 and I’ve been praying for you ❤️ Hoping to see you in one of the July pregnancy groups. I don’t really use Instagram but maybe I can DM you that way? I experienced an early loss in August and it was really hard the first few days after finding out but now I’m just enjoying every day as best I can. Would love to talk more. Thanks for talking about this aspect of pregnancy and God Bless you and your family! 🙏🏼❤️

[@cynthiapoe1006]

I am 26 weeks pregnant and it is my first pregnancy that made it past early pregnancy. I've had 6 miscarriages since I was 16. I wasn't TTC when I was 16 of course that was an accident but the loss was hard. I've had a rough time this entire pregnancy with worry and fear and I'm trying to keep positive thoughts around me all the time.

[@MommaAlia]

I’m so sorry for your losses and I hope your pregnancy continues to go well💕

[@cynthiapoe1006]

@@MommaAlia thank you and i hope yours continues to go well also! We are due within a week of each other!

[@AmyGlassett]

I found out I was pregnant on September 1st and was over the moon we had been trying for like 3 years. 2 days later I lost the baby. I am student teaching right now so when I lost the baby I could not give myself time to grieve because I could not miss any days of student teaching. Well then I found out I was pregnant again on October 11th. I was terrified. I could not even be happy in the moment because fear took over. I am slowly getting more and more excited but my husband is still completely scared and does not want to get attached yet. That has also been hard for me. All in all it has just been hard.

[@MommaAlia]

I’m so sorry miscarriage has taken that innocence from you. It’s not fair at all. I hope this pregnancy is a sticky one that bring you your earth side babe. Just take it one day at a time and try to feel more of the good emotions than the bad. You’ll have good and bad days because you both are bereaved parents so don’t be hard on yourselves. This is all already hard enough. Sending my thoughts and love💕

[@AmyGlassett]

Momma Alia thank you and I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard and I pray for you and your family

[@theowensthree]

Thinking of you!!! Just saw your miscarriage video following this one We did LOTS fertility treatments and I was pregnant for 11 weeks and had a miscarriage - hardest time of my life. I had to go to therapy and I had to take 9 months off from even thinking about trying to conceive again, it wrecked me! Fast forward we did more fertility and I got pregnant with my daughter but gosh was a nervous wreck the entire pregnancy. I didn't want to take the bump pictures because I didn't want to jinx anything.

[@MommaAlia]

Thank you💕 so happy to hear you got your little girl❤️

[@kristennm18]

When I was pregnant with my rainbow baby I had very bad anxiety. I joined a few “pregnancy after loss” Facebook groups and those helped. I was able to talk to people in the same situation I was.

[@MommaAlia]

That’s great to hear you found some support💕

[@Lizpuff2006]

I relate to this all too well. I had 2 mmc between my daughters. With my first before any miscarriages, I never thought of mc. I cherished every single week and was so excited for ultrasounds etc. After the mc, I found myself not as excited with my second daughter's pregnancy. I had a bad SCH in the beginning and that bleeding made me very paranoid. I found out about the mmc at an ultrasound appointment each time so I no longer looked forward to ultrasounds because I feared the worst. I obsessed over kick counts, movements and used the doppler as a crutch. Due to my anterior placenta that doppler didn't always work and when I couldn't find the heartbeat I would cry thinking things were wrong. It is so hard to be pregnant in fear. I hope and pray things get easier for you. I know that is little consolation but I am not sure how to help this kind of feeling. There really seems to be nothing other than giving birth to alleviate it.

[@MommaAlia]

I’m so sorry to hear that Jen. Miscarriage robs us of so much and it just isn’t fair❤️

[@pricillapereira855]

I have been waiting all week!!

[@thelavishpartygirl]

Thank you for this video 😭😢

[@MommaAlia]

💜💜💜

[@wonderfuljoanna21]

It's awesome your husband is %100 there for you. I didn't have that and I don't have that.

[@amybirks8821]

Very helpful ❤

[@MommaAlia]

Sending you lots of love🤍🤍

[@carolynharmon7074]

I'd be feeling the same way. All you can do is fight those feelings and if every things going well enjoy and of course it's easy to say...Maybe make more videos when your feeling scared and when your in full joy about the pregnancy, make a video. I'm not saying share these video's but talking out loud to us whether we see it or not may help get some of those feelings out.

[@MommaAlia]

It’s a good idea, thank you Carolyn💕

[@bibbygirl2012]

Congratulations!

[@taylorhodgson1396]

My fiance and I had a miscarriage on January. We're trying again now for baby # 2 for 2 months so far now. I had another miscarriage in 2012

[@MommaAlia]

I’m sorry for your losses momma❤️ I hope your sticky baby comes very soon💕

[@TheBlindBaker722]

I really do so much with us I have had two miscarriages and after each time we got pregnant again with two babies a boy and girl those pregnancies were so hard it's like the first half you're worried you're going to lose it and then there's a little bit of time in between and then I was worried I was going to lose them again every little thing kind of freaked you out at least for me

[@MommaAlia]

Oh, I was the same way with Sophie so I understand. It’s something we’ll probably always carry

[@wonderfuljoanna21]

It is not easy. My baby is 9 weeks and I'm so happy but before my pregnancy with him I had 3 miscarriages. All 4 pregnancies in the course of 2 years. In 2013 I lost my baby when I was 6 months pregnant.. Not easy but I'm making the best of it. I did experience everything you're saying with all pregnancies

[@MommaAlia]

I’m sorry for your losses momma❤️ and congrats on your little man💕 I think we being bereaved parents it’s just something we’ll always carry