Mormon Missionary Stopped Believing - Alyssa Grenfell Pt. 1 | Ep. 1850

[@badgerrambler]

I had a mega crush on a Mormon guy in high school, we flirted, we visited each other during college, we exchanged letters during his mission, I even took lessons with missionaries for a while while he was on his mission, went to church a few times… but it just always felt so wrong. I bet him $20 he’d be married within 6 months of coming home from his mission, and he sent me a $20 bill in the mail 5 months later. I was always skeptical, and frankly, I knew I would never convert. Excellent episode, as always. Can’t wait for tomorrow.

[@SilentThundersnow]

Ohh man! You were the one he wanted! I'm so glad you saw through it. It's really destructive to your soul.

[@G274Me]

Do you know if he’s still Mormon?

[@wanderingrenegade771]

Agreed my GF converted to the faith served a mission then we both married others. She is on her second LDS marriage and I am on my first still it's 33 years for me not sure of the length of her second marriage.I am exmo and my wife is LDS.

[@pamelaq6185]

I would love to see one of my childhood best friends on MS... I think about her all the time. I didn't quite fit into her world. But I loved her no matter our differences and I know that meant something to her. I always wonder if she is still in the church. (And I wonder if she thinks about how she secretly drank cokes at my house and watched Mtv w me after school 🤭🤫🙃)

[@LorraineBitter-zh4rg]

Pm P​@@SilentThundersnow

[@roxalavista3279]

When I hear Alyssa say that she wasn't cut out for teaching, I have to disagree. I knew very little about Mormonism until I started following Mormon Stories podcast. I'm 68 years old, and a former Lutheran. As I I listened to Alyssa, she reminded me to value my choices, my experiences, my gender, my agency, and the faith I have in my own capacity to be a good human being, without the presence of religion in my life. Alyssa is a powerful teacher; I learned so much from her today, and I am grateful. Thanks, also, to John and Margi, for giving us the gift of her interview!

[@Travelling_with_my_dog]

I so agree with you; Alyssa is so thoughtful, compassionate, and articulate!

[@marlena98148]

👏👏👏👏❤️👏👏👏👏

[@charitydotson111]

Her blessing was so close .. dad just misspoke "English" for "deprogramming". I understand... The words are very similar

[@kathrynrice3038]

I ageee, she is a wonderful teacher yet so many schools are awful. I think if she was in a different school and or with a different lifestyle she may love it. But if I was here I probably could never go back after feeling what she did

[@BD-1-And-Only]

She taught me to spot hypocrisy in a person’s beliefs for sure. So I’d agree. I’m ex-mo & It’s crazy how she can’t just admit the church has a negative effect on boys too. Everything has to be about how oppressed women are. At least outside of the church, girls are treated way way way way better. This society is literally gynocentric. Literally she told the story of Emmitt Till who was killed because a woman falsely accused him. But then the whole podcast is women are picked on and have it unfair. John even tried to bring it up and someone immediately commented “bUt wOmEN tOo.” Cognitive dissonance at its finest, folks. Also the fact she calls herself a feminist 🤮 that’s like a guy calling himself an alpha😂

[@danaparsons1700]

As a military wife, I lived and worked in Utah for five years. I thought Mormonism was bizarre. A few of my dear Mormon friends would explain the basics to me. The details from these podcasts help me understand much more of what I experienced in Utah. I'm actually sad for friends who are restricted by this culture. I know now why they asked me about coffee and sex!

[@purplehaze7778]

😅

[@laurahildebrand7023]

It’s why I tell my husband to keep Hill AFB off his list. I don’t ever want to be in Utah. It’s pretty, and great to visit but I’d never want to be stationed there.

[@Wasserkaktus]

Ha. When I joined the military I originally joined the Utah Army National Guard because of their focus on foreign languages and a career path I was interested in: I am from Arizona and my whole family was Catholic. The Utah Guard is a pretty good organization compared to even a lot of other Army organizations I've seen (Yeah, I know that isn't a very high bar to set regardless.), but just how much Mormonism permeates that Organization, from all the nepotism and how they apply the Word of Wisdom (Alcohol is legal, but the Mormons get SUPER self-righteous whenever people drink it there. Caffeine is less of an issue but you can tell it's a definite shibboleth Mormon Members use to distinguish the Mormons from Jack Mormons/non-Mormons.). I lived in Utah for a bit and it's so interesting to see just how much Utah does seem to differ from the rest of the country.

[@amanda_weber1]

I paused this to send a message to my 9th grade English teacher to thank her for teaching me to be an unbiased critical thinker in a LDS dense area!! Your experiences with how some of those kids treated you is so sad. Im sure you made a positive impact on many of them.

[@pamelaq6185]

❤

[@sly7998]

What do you know about it? It was totally different at the time and It seems to me that she must have been such a stuck girl wanting to do what was expected of her as a good Mormon!

[@lj9524]

Alyssa is a breath of fresh air! Thank you for speaking power to truth. Stay strong and keep true to your self.

[@debbemitchell4816]

The Emmitt TIll schoolroom situation was so horrible. I don't blame her for "freaking" out. What a sad situation. BTW, this interview is the best ive seen.

[@rebeccaking4493]

Oh my! Alyssa you shot an arrow right into my heart! I've been out of the church for 44 years but just in the past couple of years I have begun to address the junk that I just shoved into the closet and tried to forget. It's been a very long haul avoiding that pile of misdirection and shame. Your attitude is so refreshing and instructive! And as I listen to folks like you I am uncovering the scars and learning new ways to address the bad lessons I was taught. Maybe before this old woman kicks off I will have put my closet in order. Thank you!

[@anonymousone9699]

This wonderful comment you left me tell me that you are well on your way organizing that closet. Thank you for contributing to the positive spaces in your world.❤❤❤

[@nwryght7079]

You can’t control how you have been brainwashed as a kid. All religion is brainwashing and in particular horrible treatment of women. Glad they woke up and ran out of that idiocy. I am glad she is a source of hope for those that put their big pants on and realize the level of control and utter evil.

[@Practical-Term-7600]

You remind me so much of my Daughter. She's the smartest person I've ever met. She's 27, got married at 20, graduated from BYU, now getting her PhD (not BYU). My biggest concern when she got married @ 20 was that she wouldn't pursue her dreams, which would be a shame for her and others. She's been working with people all over the world for her dissertation. Luckily for her, her husband is very supportive of her goals (if he wasn't, I'm sure they wouldn't be together). I'm pretty sure she is at least a nuanced Mormon. She's talked with her Husband about her doubts. Your story will help her out. BTW-- Mulan was her favorite movie as a toddler.

[@hsavage2899]

you sound like a wonderful mom.

[@pollysshore2539]

This is a tricky one isn’t it? I’m not Mormon, I do not live in an area with many Mormons outside of the church on the Cherokee Res. I do live in Southern Appalachia and know several evangelicals raised similarly in several ways. I’ve spent the last 3 years worried about one of my co workers. She is an incredibly sweet young woman who was homeschooled and sheltered by her conspiratorial prepper parents. She was saturated in 1990s purity culture to a detrimental degree and was beat over the head with perfectionism when it came to this + other expressions of her faith. She does have ADHD and is on the spectrum but high functioning. This made things even more complex for her. I have never met a person harder on herself. She has had a few dates with guys but did not have her first serious relationship until she was 25 years old. It has been a roller coaster. I’ve seen her breakdown in tears once a month over the last year because they kissed and then made out. She started talking about marriage after they had been together for one month because that was her longest “relationship” and because she felt guilty. I was so worried she was going to rush into it because of the way she was raised. Luckily he has turned out to be a fantastic young man who is trying to help her see the issues with the culture she was raised in. He has refused every demand to become the sole head of the household from her, her parents, her sister, their uncertified/church approved marriage counselors they started meeting with 5 weeks before he proposed. He has told all that it will be an equal partnership. He has been asking her questions about the way she was raised to see some issues with it. He proposed last week and she immediately started talking about being a stay at homeschool mom who will raise her kids the same way she was raised. She just hopes they will have a home on a lot of land with more farm animals and a larger space for food storage/prepping for Armageddon. He has said - not so fast. At this point she only fully understands his practical arguments. They are 26 and 28 years old. They will be living in a small apartment with their pets. They both have decent jobs (she is a 911 dispatcher and is very good at her job and he is a former dispatcher who works security) but are not yet financially stable enough for children. They will both most likely need to work to provide for the kids. It’s good for her to have goals outside of having babies, too. She still has a long way to go but he is asking all the right questions and getting her to think about things differently.

[@dyeann538]

​@@pollysshore2539 Wow. I wish the best for her. It at least sounds like she found a good partner.

[@fx767]

“We are so much bigger than what We were conditioned to be” Thank you MRS Dehlin!!!

[@philw4025]

As a NeverMo, I've never felt a guest and the experience more viscerally than when Alyssa self-moderated a bit and talked about how the expectations and beliefs were a perfect firestorm for someone with depression and anxiety. That hanging on by a thread, the slightest mistake ready to condemn you to an eternity of hellfire, that turning away from topics that might endanger your soul...yeah, totally know that feeling and experienced it in my own upbringing.

[@kaitlyn8155]

i was in shock that she finally got on this podcast! i am so happy to hear a deeper story and insight from her. i literally have been listening to her for a couple months now

[@mylesmarkson1686]

Same here. She is an amazing woman, and I knew John would track her down eventually. He's good at that.

[@kathrynneuman1079]

I've never had to deconstruct from faith. Lifelong atheist here. But I have been deconstructing from other things in life (gender roles, political party affiliations, many other things). I say this to tell you, Alyssa, and you, John, that these interviews resonate with me so deeply, and I relate so much to these thoughts and experiences, despite having led a VERY different life from Alyssa and from most of Mormon Stories' guests. This podcast, and you exmormons in general, reach so many people far beyond your own communities. I just wanted to share my heartfelt gratitude to all of you who are willing to share your life's story. It means so, so much to so many people.

[@missionledcontent]

I totally agree with you. Deconstructed so much last year with the unexpected help from ex mormons 🤣🤷‍♀️ this year I'm looking to reconstruct and will continue to get the help from.Johm, Margi, their cohosts and guests. These amazing real life stories of deconstruction and reconstruction help me so much

[@OllieSmiless]

Same here. I'm not religious. Not related or connected to Mormon religious at all. Yet I connect to their stories from a deconstructional perspective of carrying all kinds of mind garbage to rid yourself from. We all carry beliefs, ideas, notions which do not serve us and negatively impact our lives. To come to a new understanding and break free from limitations and restrictions from any group (spiritual, for me) is what I am here for.

[@the_mirabela]

That last part of the interview has me welled up in tears. I grew up Catholic and lost my faith at a tender age which isolated me from my peers in Catholic school. Divorce, child abuse, and the echoes of “it’s all a part of god’s plan” while wanting so badly to belong and believe with everyone else was earth shattering! I can look back and feel the greatness in life that I lead and am thankful for everything, like long walks with my husband, my degree, a beautiful sunny day conversing on any topic, having a husband who truly loves and views me as his equal. Thank you for sharing, Alyssa! ❤🎉

[@rachellerockel]

This is encouraging

[@phillisob]

OMG...I just bought Alyssa's book (even as a never-Mormon) yesterday, and I am SO FREAKIN PROUD OF YOU!!!! Your content is wonderful, and I always look forward to it, so I know the book will be incredible. I seem to make a lot of Mormons mad in your comments section, and I'm so here for it. Keep speaking truth! ❤❤❤

[@aBrewster29]

1:23:55 Spot on! The timing of the endowment is strategically paired with major life events in a way that induces pressure.

[@mortenle]

Very good session. Alyssa is painfully sincere, and so smart, too smart for the "bretheren." It's hard when our dads are part of that system, yet we love them. My dad encouraged college like her dad, and that's saying something in such a patriarchal system.

[@emilywilliamson8560]

Such a good point about her dad at least encouraging higher education. The blessing revelation could have been that she'd have 10 babies!

[@angelinahodkin]

3:15:10 Alyssa I am so proud of you and wish you and your family nothing but love, joy and peace. I think you should do an audible version of your book, read by you. Hearing your voice telling your story is inspiring and peaceful. Love to you and your family.

[@soldiernomore3843]

Thank you so much. Excellent interview. My husband and I lived the majority of our lives as Jehovah's Witnesses. Although most of the doctrines are different, the way they control their people by having thousands of rules, both written and unwritten, is so, so similar. It seems that they have the same playbook. Leaving after being JWs for over 50 years and in our 60s was so traumatic and heartbreaking. But we just couldn't stay once we realized that it simply wasn't the "truth" and actually quite damaging. Unfortunately, we paid a very steep price for leaving. We have lost 99% of our family and friends. Our children, who we raised in it, are shunning us and we've been denied a relationship with our grandchildren. They are still quite young and probably don't even know we exist. It's a pain so, so hard to describe and deal with. They claim to be the most loving people on earth and that they can be identified as true christians by the love they have among themselves. But the opposite is the reality. They separate families if you don't agree with their teachings and will label you as an "apostate" if you speak out or leave. Once you have that label on you, you are treated like a leper and no one wants anything to do with you. Thousands of JWs are leaving. EXJW reddit is proof of that. People are waking up to the lies and taking the extremely difficult step to leave.

[@brookecooper7295]

This was beautiful, it helps me hearing these things because I am married to a man who is Mormon. He is the greatest man I’ve ever met and I tried to conform but the more and more I have looked into it, I see the brainwashing and full control they have. I refuse to be told I’m not good enough. He told me that I can ask him questions, and when I did it always lead to an argument. We now have decided that I support him in what he wants to do even though I don’t agree with all of the teachings. At times it still makes me feel as though I’m not worthy enough. I love him and refuse to let the church tell us that we won’t be together.

[@gtf5392]

Have you read the book ‘Passport to Heaven’ by Micah Wilder? It might help give an idea of the types of pressures he is under and give you some insights how to reach him. Micah became a Christian on his mission, so he has good perspective on how what the LDS church teaches is different than the gospel of Christ.

[@sweingold5686]

When you read the book at the end, it was beautiful. Your emotional response shows me how much you have grown into your own life with love, thoughtfulness, and compassion. I see you.

[@CCGem]

Great episode. As a never Mormon and former Catholic, Alyssa's insight reminds me of my a-ha moments with religion in general. Thank you, again Mormon Stories! Already have her book on Kindle!!! Audio book coming soon!!! Back tomorrow for the 2 part.

[@drjekyllmshyde]

Former Catholic, reminded me of my story too! Some of these themes are universe I guess

[@RebelYells-IntoVoid]

Also former Catholic and with similar anxiety and religious scrupulousness as Alyssa. Great to know I’m not the only Catholic interloper here 😂❤ so grateful for Mormon stories

[@60clow]

Never Mormon here, but became interested in the LDS influence upon learning of the Ruby Franke/Jodi Hildebrandt story. That story has a horribly triggering grip over me. 😢 After following your channel, it just blows my mind how there seems to be NO critical thinking tolerated?? It just blows my mind! I grew up in a pretty intellectual Presbyterian Church on the east coast, so this brain washing is so foreign to me! I never saw the Christian origin story as in conflict with evolution, ever. Diggin’ your new beard too John! How rebellious of you, LOL! JK 😉

[@froggie9871]

Former Catholic, and yes also resonated with all of this very deeply as well. Alyssa is so eloquent. 😊 Reading Dostoyevsky and Hugo in high school 🙌

[@dehende07]

I'm a former Catholic as well, I call myself a "recovering Catholic" meaning recovering from the treachery indoctrination of the Catholic Church

[@yeahdefinitely6607]

This was a refreshing, enlightening discussion. From birth I spent 35+ years in the church, and served in senior roles including a mission. There’s lots that I valued and appreciated, and still do. But I don’t miss the Mormon “language”, the judgmentalism, lack of privacy or discretion, the narrow-mindedness, not being able to question or challenge, and never feeling worthy. BTW 2:47:00 I also really enjoy coffee 😂

[@mads597]

I’ve been seriously enjoying Alyssa’s channel and I’m so excited to see her here and learn more about her story!!

[@JillynnStevens]

Alyssa’s story captures what it’s like to grow up in the Mormon culture for girls and women. I love her intellect, sensitivity, and courage. I hope the book does well and wish I’d had something similar when I left decades ago. She helped me address some unresolved issues and to understand the etiology of what I realize now was programming about good/bad, my body, sex, relationships, and more. Well done!!

[@pacemarshall9358]

Alyssa, it was *so* powerful what you said about tithings meant to help people that go into investment accounts instead. It really hit me. I feel the same way about the "He Gets Us" commercials that air multiple times during the Superbowl; that is literally millions of dollars going into a commercial that could be going to end homelessness in a small city, end child hunger in a small city, provide educational materials for an under-funded school district, or help pay for life saving surgeries for those in need etc. But instead...it goes to a commercial. I felt a connection with that to what you were saying. Thanks for your vulnerability! From, a never Mormon east coaster.

[@ulrikanilsson6395]

Started following Alyssa this summer and started listening a lot to mormon stories the last week and was thinking "oh Alyssa should be on", searched and here I am! Love it! 🎉

[@bodytrainer1crane730]

Aw so beautiful!!!! This is one of my favorite episodes! I laughed several times and cried a couple. Thank you Mormon Stories for interviewing Alyssa! ⭐⭐⭐⭐

[@nancypoot]

Alyssa: "we were just sitting in the library" John: It's a slippery slope Alyssa. LOL

[@EasternDreamer615]

Thank you John, Margi, and guests! I’ve been trying to learn more about my grandfather’s experience and Mormon stories has been extremely helpful. He grew up nevermo in southern Idaho and joined the army at 18 to escape.

[@deninejackson2316]

Wow! This story is the story of many return missionaries. I really loved having missionaries at my house when I was an active member. Our family really bonded with so many of them. Watching these young adults go home with such depression after it was over was so sad to see. I really questioned the faith seeing all these ultra righteous people so miserable I knew it was wrong and dangerous

[@maureenfarrell1658]

I am so happy to know that literature still can rescue a teenager from a tyrannical religion. A generation earlier (I was born in 1970), and raised in an ultra-catholic household, reading was considered a proper, intellectual pastime. Tolstoy, D.H. Lawrence, the Bronte sisters, Margaret Atwood, and many other authors helped me to expand my horizons and gave me a legitimate way to learn so many things that were never talked about in my home. It gave me the courage to make my own choices, and choose my own path to study science and medicine.

[@Glennn7]

Captivating conversation with such a brilliant, insightful gem of a human being. So glad you found your way out to connect with the wondrousness of reality, Alyssa.

[@4benprice]

Margy (not sure on spelling) is a wonderful addition/presence on Mormon Stories. I have been listening for over 10 years and still find almost all of the episodes fascinating and enlightening. I hope you keep this up your whole life John (and Margy)!

[@vcvcvc9216]

My goodness I just want to express how important Alyssa telling her story has been to me, even as a never-Mormon. I’m an ex-Christian that was in deep with the church, I was attending a catholic university, all my “friends” were Christians, as well as family, and in the midst of all that I went through several “moments of doubt” similar to Alyssa, and when I finally admitted to myself that I didn’t believe in God… I was just gutted, my whole life up to that point was about god and my faith and the hole it left was massive. It’s been several years, but I ended up talking to my never-Christian husband about Alyssa, and was trying to explain how I had never felt so “seen” I was basically a blubbering mess by the end of it, most of my friends are never-Christians, or they never really had a strong faith, so being able to hear someone talk about leaving faith has been very healing. I’m sure it’s incredibly difficult, I can hardly talk about it without breaking down a little.

[@Orson-tw7cj]

Just finished reading Alyssa's book. Super well-written and resonates with me. Great job and thanks for the great episode!

[@Elparker28]

Oof that excerpt 😭. What a gift you’re sharing with all of us, Alyssa. It is the little moments that build our lives and we shouldn’t let them be tinted with guilt or coercion. I’m proud of you, I see you, too.

[@carolepracitto928]

Articulate intelligent young lady...her book should be number one...I live in a state where the try to squelch history calling it activisim...keep fighting young lady..good for you and your honesty

[@jaciesteck9662]

Alyssa listening to you read the part of your book I was sobbing. What a kind amazing person you are. You seemed to see exactly what someone is feeling.

[@lizhoward9754]

I am in awe with Alyssa’s strength and courage and can’t wait to read this book when it comes out on Audible. Please, please let us know when her story is on Audible. Alyssa seems like such a kind, talented, bright and caring person who was horribly stifled by this oppressive religion. Although I am a “never Mormon” (raised mainstream Catholic by my Catholic mother but also have a Jewish father), I find her story amazing and inspiring. Another great, great interview.

[@TheSaintelias]

I love how 8 year olds can figure out the logical fallacy of church doctrine.

[@DakBabyNewt]

8 yos are the best judge of character. they haven’t been taught logical fallacies time and time again and inherently ask questions after question. if something is wrong, an 8 yo somewhere will be questioning it

[@Jose-st3fq]

My dad was the ward clerk growing up so at a very young age I had a firm grasp on tithing so when I found out the church didn’t pay for your mission it came out of your pocket I decided before I got baptized I wasn’t going on cuz that just wasn’t fair, so when my bishop interviewed me for my baptism and asked me if I wanted to serve a mission I just lied to him cuz even at that age I knew he’d tell my parents and it’d be the big ordeal

[@PhoenixGoddess4444]

…and now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good. My favorite quote after my post Mormon decision. I’m 52 and didn’t figure it out until I was 45. Soooooo happy for you Alyssa!! My daughter ended up suffering with Scrupulosity OCD that came to the surface during her 9th grade seminary thoughts. I’m sure it’s scary putting your story out here but you are already helping SOOOO MANY PEOPLE!! Thank you for sharing your experiences.

[@Glamerth]

Thanks for sharing, Alyssa! It was great knowing you as a youth and it's crazy (and heart-warming) how many of my friends ended up leaving the church in adulthood. It's awesome how you wrote a book about it too, I'll check it out!

[@ashleyreina7914]

Thanks for sharing. It felt like looking in a mirror. I was just commenting this week to a friend about how truly liberating it is to actually make your own choices. It is so empowering. I had to chuckle a little when you talked about how you'd been married for 2 years and were just starting to be honest... You got there quicker than most, and some will never arrive. I had a super supportive husband and it made such an impact on my journey out. Keep sharing. Looking forward to reading your book.

[@nolinpowe]

When Alyssa was explaining her final days at the mormon church i kept telling myself this is exactly what i went there my last days of going to the LDS church, when it gets to a point to where you no longer feel comfortable going to church because of the environment, the people & the doctrine you no longer believe in, thats when you know its time to cut ties. #YouAreNotAlone My faith in God and in myself got so much better & healthier once i left

[@alextemus]

Beautiful interview! So absurdly many similarities with my life. Thanks to Alyssa, Margi, and John for facilitating this experience that I got to witness and help process my own experiences ❤❤❤

[@caseyjude5472]

This was so good. Alyssa’s shorts started appearing on my New To You page in the last 2 weeks or so. So it was great timing for this most excellent Mormon Story. Thank you!

[@missionledcontent]

I love her content on KZbin..her shorts seem to pack so much information without overwhelm. Great to see her here

[@laurarethemeyer3629]

Alyssa, I relate to the regret you felt in trying to suppress your vibrant personality and creativity. I'm in the process of deconstructing from fundamentalist Christianity. I regret the wasted time and energy, and not fully pursuing my passion for art, music, and inclusion. Thank you for your honesty and transparency.

[@flatripley]

Literally had the same thing happen growing up with the guys playing kickball while we made spaghetti and then served it to them! I was so mad that I had to cook instead of play! Also another “group” activity was the guys got to go four wheeling and we stayed behind at this campsite and cleaned the trash around the area. We got to clean while they had fun. Again I was so mad. I could go on and on with these stories that explain my ex Mormon status.

[@crazymakerpleasestop]

At 2:19:00. I was converted in Oregon at age 19, years ago. Moving to Utah just a few years ago, was like going to Oz. I have never heard it explained that way but that's right on. I could go to any temple, temple square, talk about the church with almost everyone, buy church books, family history Library, and it was amazing. That was all true enough. I had very high expectations and couldn't believe it wasn't the utopia I thought it would be with the members. Strange and imperfect world we live in. Who knew.

[@tiffanijohnson611]

I haven’t cried so hard in a while. I needed that passage! Thanks!

[@valp618]

This is such a great podcast episode! Alyssa has so many great insights, I could listen to her all day!

[@ladouceur.gabriel]

Omg not me crying at the end even tho I’m not even Mormon and don’t have anything close to it in my life. Damn. That’s some genuine writing.

[@jadeharmon7797]

Thanks!

[@lauraescobedo3426]

This was so powerful! I’ve never understood Mormonism, I always thought that a “good God” never wants you to suffer or feel pain, but I’ve learned throughout the Mormon Stories that this religion is all about keeping you in by feeling guilty, not good enough, dirty, unworthy, powerless and really so stupid like you are not inteligent enough to make good decisions for yourself. I admire all of you because I never thought it was so hard to make the decision of leaving. Thank you so much for sharing this stories. Beautiful!

[@jenna.w.9041]

Great video! I hold out hope that my family will open their eyes and SEE what this church has done to us over several decades of the divisive lies!

[@treaddirt]

So great. Thank you. So many things you talked about are what I experienced as a Mormon. I left the church many years ago. Thanks again for sharing your experiences and wisdom.

[@hlnbee]

I bought Alyssa’s book on kindle and can’t wait to read it. Excellent episode!

[@katgidds820]

It drives me crazy that Mormons hold the stance that exmos leave because they want an easier life where they can sin and such. It honestly would be so so much easier to not leave. When we leave we are criticized, we face a possible divorce, a possible separation from family, possible job loss, being shunned from our communities. I am in the very early stages of leaving, nobody knows I no longer believe because my husband is still very strong in it and I'm so scared of losing him over my decision, so I still go to church for him (he does know I don't believe in most of it and supports me but ask that I still support him and go to sacrament, we don't attend second hour as a compromise) However I was not expecting me to get so emotional at the part that she read in the end. It's like I was half out but still half in, and in that moment I decided I am done. It is behind me and I am ready to start living my life being the real me. Thank you Alyssa, I felt your love so much and feel like I really know you. I wish you all the success in the world, you deserve it

[@juliamancini928]

Thank you for this Alyssa. We see you. You are far beyond the limits of what the church wants in an LDS woman, and that is a great thing.

[@angelapower27]

Wow. That writing was superb. The tears were flowing over here as well. So touching.

[@melissastory1993]

This is the second time I’ve heard Alyssa tell the Emmett Till story and it just breaks my heart. I’ve thought about it regularly since I first heard it.

[@VerityLeanne]

Big big thank you for this awesome episode! Thank you for all you do Alyssa on KZbin etc and thank you to all at morman stories such a fantastic channel! Xxx

[@gloriadegaston]

This is the best session you have ever recorded.....and I have watched many over the years. Not to reduce her candor, intelligence and experience, but she was so lucky to find, and so smart to marry Jackson......and he was fortunate to have had non-Mormon influence from a person who was also a source of love. She grew and changed, and where that so often destroys marriage, they could talk, study but mostly could keep and deepen their love....

[@kellypat125]

Around 2:36:00 when you talk about the Joseph Smith testimony, props to you for that boldness! We need more of that in religious circles. Problem is people want to fit in and be involved too much to risk being honest.

[@lightbluedev]

“If you’re not sure you should give your life to us, that’s ok because I’M sure.” 😂🤣😂 I was literally crying laughing about that.

[@davepowell4216]

I've watched a lot pf MSP.... this is my favorite.. Alyssa is the most genuine interviewee I've seen. Just fucking WOW

[@Number1ZERO69]

Kudos to her husband for being a decent Mormon to speak out against the churches views on gay marriage. He is awesome!

[@annamineer2521]

Homosexuality is a sin. That's truth. And we are called to discern between good and evil. But we aren't to condemn them because there's only one sin that is unpardonable sin and that's blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Homosexuals must repent give up their sin to be saved, just as thief must. Jesus told everyone to "Go and sin no more." If you don't believe the Word, you need a better teacher.

[@metalheadisme8389]

@@annamineer2521So true. What is truly saddening is how false teachers like Joseph Smith and his successors have so poisoned the well for those who leave Mormonism that they often leave with hardened hearts in regard to the true Word and run directly into the arms of culture without the same critical thought process they used when discerning the falseness of Mormonism. LDS teachings are truly of the enemy, as at their very core they seek to undermine the true Word. When the culture fails her and others who have turned to it, Jesus will be there to save them by His grace through their faith alone- provided their hearts are not so hardened they are unable to embrace such faith…

[@anasimmons830]

@@annamineer2521 go cry about it you big baby nobody cares about your opinion

[@Faynwulf]

@@annamineer2521 The only sin is treating other people with less respect because of who they love. Forcing your beliefs on others is the greatest sin.

[@allthemomthings9897]

I have been in the mainstream church for 20 years. I had no idea that scrupulosity was an actual thing. I would definitely say my husband has dealt with that through the years. We have left the ministry (Pastored for 16 years( and the church. We have never felt freer or better. The first time I heard of scrupulosity until watching your channel last year. Keep educating. Thank you!

[@Somedude20282]

Great episode!! Ive been following her yt for a bit and her content is so informative and important to be shared!!

[@SmolTrailer]

As an ex oneness pentecostal this has so many overlapping themes with my childhood. I wasn't abused s*x**ly by any adult man, but sometimes I laid in bed at night at 13, 14, 15, and would literally bawl with how terrified I was of men. *Edit* I also am an artist. I've always had a natural ability to draw anatomy very well (even hands, le gasp!) and I felt "convicted" if I drew girls in pants. There's also always the underlying sketch phase where the person is "naked" in the same way Barbie and Ken are "naked", and I would try to hide my sketchbook during these phases because people would comment. "Where are the clothes? Why are they naked?" and they would make me feel guilty about literally nothing! Like, look guys, this sketch does not have hair or eyeballs either -- but you have to try and make me feel guilty about nothing.

[@Topboxicle]

I was never mormon but was raised fundamentalist baptist, and an artist, I heavily relate to the guilt and shame of just trying to learn how to draw people accurately lmao, figure drawing now takes up a good portion of my sketch book.

[@claudemelancon5039]

Wow!! So powerful; and though I'm relatively old, i was able to relate in many ways - taught high school for 26 years - so sorry your experience was so rough - not sure how i survived as long as I did. LOVED the Pink Floyd/DSOTM reference - saw them in 1973 when they were touring that album. 😊 Thank you!!

[@dawnwilliams6872]

No matter what religion you believe these things are universal. Not taking away from the specific Mormon issues. Every trauma is specific. However I as a southern woman can identify with many of the same things. I’m just a girl with no power but somehow I’m also powerful enough that I am responsible for the behaviors of myself and men and boys! It’s a feeling that is hard to explain. I really appreciate this conversation.

[@CHiCguitar]

It's really interesting to juxtapose Alyssa's experiences with Marc Oslund's regarding teaching in the same area. Especially since he taught seminary and she taught English. 2 of the best guests you all have had on here. I love teachers!

[@ggbookz]

This was an incredible interview. Alyssa is so intelligent and a very captivating story teller. Even as a never-mormon, I will be reading her book. Props to everyone!

[@sarajayne7337]

I have only recently found this podcast. I feel blessed. My father's side of the family was/is of this faith. They're in the USA- in the past from Utah- I am unsure where. My father moved to Australia when he was 19. I am grateful that I didn't have to live this life. Bless you. Amazing courage, thanks for sharing your journey.

[@the_serial_chiller]

The ending of this was so beautiful, I nearly got emotional. Alyssa writes to well. You can tell it’s all from the heart. While I am not and have never been mormon, I think I am going to actually purchase a copy of the book.

[@amberleeshuler800]

I am a woman who grew up Mormon and believed every part of it and never had doubts. In fact, I always said if I wasn’t married when I was 21, I was going to go on a mission……then I got married at 19 (5 months after we met). There were a few things I didn’t love about the beliefs but I was too much of a people pleaser to say anything contradictory to what the church told me was right. Not to mention, I just viewed these as my “personal trials”. Once I was married and out of the watchful eye of my parents and was able to think for myself, things started popping up that bothered me. My husband researched things and decided he didn’t believe it long before I did. Even when the church came out with a teaching I 100% disagreed with, I leaned on my husband’s research to justify me not going to church. It wasn’t until about a year ago (almost 10 years later) that I decided it was time for me to really figure out what I believed and what I wanted to align with. It was then that I finally realized how I truly felt, what I truly believed. I feel like everyone I hear talking about this says they have always had questions. But I didn’t have questions about the truth of it until long after I actually left the church and got out of that environment. I know everyone is different, but I don’t hear of many who leave the church for literally only one specific reason before doubting everything else. Looking back I can see where I justified things, but in the moment, I literally never questioned anything! I’m just glad I figured it out before wasting my whole life devoting myself to the church.

[@lttree2391]

wow, that was a great choice of excerpt to read.. now I know I really want this book... thankyou all three of you. So touched. So wonderful

[@martinsmith439]

Great interview and John and Margi are a great team, looking forward to part 2.

[@Bunnypop20]

I’m a never mormon- I was raised atheist- but one of my best friends in middle and high school was a mormon. Alyssa- I so love and appreciate how caring, compassionate, and articulate you are. I think you are a wonderful teacher because you're so beautifully articulate, but kids can be jerks to each other and the adults around them and I'm so sorry you had the awful experiences you did! Despite those experiences, I still think you're a wonderful teacher when feel comfortable (which I totally understand as I have high social anxiety myself, but have been told i'm also a good teacher 1-on-1 or in small groups). Your compassion and drive to learn and explore the world and live true to yourself and your values is something I truly admire and appreciate.

[@rebeccaberlin]

Alyssa is brilliant! I found her podcast because of this

[@lttree2391]

wonderful interview.. I totlly love Alyssa and enjoy her style of talking.. shes so approachable and relatable. Cannot wait to be able to afford the book

[@UtahTrucker]

Great way to start 2024 one of the best episodes I’ve ever seen

[@joyceswett4274]

Thanks!

[@pinkgiraffe378]

I have never been a mormon or even religious but I came across Alyssa's channel a few months ago probably and have been following her and watching all her content, just bc it's interesting really. I'm proud of her. ❤

[@susanjoyce8053]

I’m a never Mormon but this may be the saddest and moving Mormon story I’ve watched. I feel like crying.

[@lindaclyde6515]

So beautiful! What a wonderful interview and what a wonderful human! I’m so excited to read this gift she has created for us! ❤

[@SavageInsomniacRadio]

Thank you for bringing up people of color. I'm not Mormon but my friend's family damaged me with the talk of curse, whom I should marry, and telling me that dating women was likely due to me being molested. How offensive! There is more, but it's been a blessing finding your channel and these stories. Also, my friend asked me if I could comment about sexual assault and if "wearing certain clothes" or "being alone with a boy" can encourage bad behavior from boys. I am a survivor, so it hurt badly.

[@rebeccahecht3340]

I identify so much with your growing up story - I read Les Miserables at 14 and the question I pondered through much of my teen years was “is it okay to lie?” I wrote essays on it battling my intellect back and forth because of the “thou shalt not lie” commandment and the “the liar shall he thrust down to hell” scripture verse. In hindsight - being introduced to classical literature that was considered “okay” by my Mormon family helped me feel okay asking questions that would be considered controversial within the church.

[@KristanShuford]

My husband and I lived in salt lake city for a few years after we graduated from college and one of the main reasons we left was that we didn’t want to raise our kids in Utah. I was a nanny to tween girls during that time and saw first hand how terrible the bullying could be to kids who were non-mormon or gay or non-white.

[@aoka9522]

I just have to say as a non-Mormon. I'm hoping the second part has a lot to help me. I left a 2 x 2 church in USA, so even though morman is a little different, I feel that you're doing really good work in being part of the process. I'm still trying to figure out how to rebuild whereas I'm unmarried and I am still isolated, even though I've got a job and an apartment, it's still very difficult figuring out how to recover and become part of society again. Looking forward to the second half.

[@kkturtle12]

Thanks for sharing your story Alyssa! You are amazing and talented and wise

[@mostlyvoid.partiallystars]

Am neverMo but boy did I sob at your reading. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story, listening to part 2 now!

[@mostlyvoid.partiallystars]

Also, you should narrate the audiobook John!!

[@RNT-hrz11]

The excerpt of the book was beautiful. I hope you never ever feel you could be a bad person just because you are not in the church anymore, that is the thing that breaks my heart with every ex-mo. Good people is everywhere, some have faith, some do not. Some are religious, some are spiritual, some are atheists; that is not essential as to be a good person, a loving person, someone who cares for others, someone who is a good neighbor, a good friend, a good partner, parent, child or sibling. Someone who tries to be better, to love better. It does break my heart that churches brainwash people into believing that outside everyone is horrible and wanting to sin. Most people just want to be at peace, to work, to support their families, to be a part of a community and sleep in a warm bed after a nice meal every night. Humankind is beautiful, these religions that teach that we're all dirty sinners are incredibly weird to me, and I've never found anyone who could explain this with love and not with rage and fear coming out like crazy. We are sure capable of doing terrible things, but in my experience, having hitch-hiked many countries (and I am a woman), I will always say that humankind is good.

[@EasternDreamer615]

Great video Greeny. I was last in KL during covid and it turned into a ghost town. It's great to see it back to life. I stayed in some of the areas you showed in this video and I'm noticing some new restaurants.

[@charlesmendeley9823]

?

[@sophia4953]

I've loved her tiktok content! so great to hear Alyssa's full story

[@bridad]

When I hear you articulate I'm informed what great things you derived from your reading of great literature. I think you might find yourself a good fit for teaching at the college level in a secular institution.

[@brunacduarte]

I've seen Alyssa on tiktok and i'm very happy to have the full picture, with also John's and Margi's questions, i'm lovin' it. Hugs from Brasil!

[@pinkgiraffe378]

As someone with serious anxiety who has never been a mormon, I can totally understand what she was saying there. I know that would stress me out so much, I was thinking about that even before she mentioned her own experience with anxiety and depression.