Most Savage Comebacks To An Insult People Have Ever Heard (r/AskReddit)

[@hk-rq1es]

First bully getting roasted by a second bully - there's always a bigger fish

[@deviljho4260]

Not when your the biggest

[@lolyankovic6952]

The Ironmonkey gaylol

[@phoenixwright7802]

this is getting out of hand, not there are two of them!

[@sowrtemper5889]

Bigger the fish smaller the dick.....

[@m4rdoo]

Sowr Temper Lmao

[@chaosstorm8307]

Had a girl make fun of me for having a crush on her when we where younger, I simply said "what can I say, I use to have bad taste." She still hates me.

[@mariner6796]

Wish I could come back with that when it happened to me haha

[@thomasjefferson2813]

This is why she made fun of you

[@iuploadstuff9568]

You're a animal 😂😂

[@AdlyLeksono]

Boi thank you I'll use this in the future

[@Phloggers]

Preparing for the worst and saving this one

[@imanimaldonado1626]

You know that moment when someone says something insulting but you have no response... Then you stare at a wall for a bit and realize all the things you could’ve said😳

[@keIsey]

Yesss so true

[@user-qd7zb4wm9b]

is this a personal attack

[@bow2338]

Yes but it happens hours later for me

[@johanaytb211]

I hate that

[@Reculse]

O the savage ideas come after that.

[@gindaburra]

People online who can't argue their point so just start correcting grammar are so annoying, but that classroom grammar correction was deadly.

[@noctlosis]

*proceeds to correct grammar just to annoy you* DoEs tHiS aNnOy yOu, kArEn?

[@ishish8816]

Tbh the Redditor hyped it up so much I thought “is that it?”’ 🙃

[@cowgirl5155]

@Sean Thomas Actually instead of "they" I would have changed it to "and so just start" to better preserve original sentence structure and meaning

[@elmothewise3915]

@@cowgirl5155 add a period boi

[@MsNotorials]

@@elmothewise3915 The addition of correct capitalization and a "period boi" would be fantastic for your lousy attempts to become one of our own, The Grammar Nazis.

[@kazoo526]

*Whenever I shower I always recreate arguments except I have better points and I’m winning.*

[@planktonfun1]

that will never happen again

[@ian635]

Oh my gosh me too

[@Loki_yer]

This is me

[@the_frencharecoming]

Yep

[@nicname3147]

That's so me

[@slavpepe142]

Feeble minded normie: Haha you’re adopted Me, an intellectual:At least I was wanted

[@jonnynerot6711]

Amazing!

[@Tw0Dots]

You stole this from my mom

[@macdac2751]

That is the best burn my dude

[@Stal-C418]

for ppl that dont get this his parents wanted him

[@moretrash4you]

You got this completely wrong. It’s: at least my parents chose me. Yours were stuck with you. Most people who have a child obviously wanted it.

[@sodadrinker5580]

When someone roasted me, I had my comeback like 20 minutes later

[@Yohan421-e5g]

Relatable

[@alerz3040]

@@Yohan421-e5g af

[@Strawberrypocky911]

I would get mine 2 weeks later!!

[@Yohan421-e5g]

@@Strawberrypocky911 that's sad :(

[@amzwl1671]

Super Efficace // I can confirm the above statement works. There is nothing to counter a “No u” other than a “No u”, if they do counter you again with it then it gets to the point where the last person to say it, wins.

[@rein9407]

Trashtalker:**exist** Comebacks:Im about to end this man's whole career

[@CenturianCornelious]

I don't get it.

[@cheesethekoala8756]

CCornelius You live under a rock

[@aleksandarvil5718]

*_OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!_*

[@cawahrlie]

@@CenturianCornelious ;-;

[@rakk225]

What Career... oh ye they have no career

[@gaylordrobinson1199]

My friend, Tyler: “anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid” My other friend, Ryan: “Tyler”

[@johanaytb211]

That made me laugh the heck out of me

[@tothebeyond6318]

@@tanvi-z5m i dunno what that has to do with anything

[@tothebeyond6318]

@@tanvi-z5m i mean,what does that name has to do with your heart attack

[@tothebeyond6318]

@tanvi lets just end this short discussion

[@aaronthestuffguy3485]

This thread has a beautiful execution

[@barmy8252]

message of the video: everyone's got better comebacks than me

[@tehflazh2226]

LOL

[@iamdivij9450]

same

[@lolicafighter8124]

Please re5dit cosa nostra dont take away my 5 karma, pls dont give me a offer i cant refuse

[@itsme2313]

Nobody has better comebacks than churchill

[@jenniferwintz2514]

@@itsme2313 I've always loved the stories of his comebacks.

[@paulx3274]

No one: Redditor: Class absolutely loses their minds

[@RandomQuestNPC]

Just another type of "And then everyone clapped".

[@slothling5668]

Half of these posts feel like they were written by middle schoolers

[@z3ngz]

r/ thathappened

[@greenoftreeblackofblue6625]

It's not like everyone in the fucking city laugh nah its just the 1 on 1

[@jayamarillo628]

I’m the only one who doesn’t understand the “nobody: ” things

[@jaztortle]

Bully: go to hell Me: why? You getting lonely down there?

[@saumyaamavi3225]

Underrated 😂

[@suryaprakash-rm3nf]

Once online gamer told me go to hell, i said why is your mother there?

[@user-cd1sy8mt5d]

Good

[@racismisnotapersonalitytra8225]

@@suryaprakash-rm3nf No it's actually your mom but I'll go to hell for you to keep her company

[@1millionsubswithonly2video39]

Imma use this for the ppl who are both homophobic and overly religious (don't hate on me bc I am rlly religious, it's family culture but I'm not homophobic)

[@tina_2055]

Nobody: Me: **writing down notes for the next time someone insults me**

[@madamebkrt]

LOL same

[@weirdflex1165]

MOOD

[@mintycocoarts]

I know right LOL same

[@xdhoops]

Sane

[@EinManU]

This is at 666 likes rn and i refuse to like it.

[@user-hl9ww3ml2m]

Lol none of these hold a candle to: Harry Potter: Yes Snape: yes, s i r. Harry: there’s no need to call me sir, professor.

[@alanpalayoor9251]

????????? 👏

[@edelhandmusic8628]

POTTERHEADS WHERE ARE YOUR LIKES

[@permafrostpyro6784]

I don't get it

[@permafrostpyro6784]

Nevermind

[@angelsimpson8235]

One of the best parts of the series 😂😂😂

[@l.gsmith8411]

Guy:says insult Me who just watched this video: *I'm bout to end this man's whole career*

[@jesuschristwillyeetyou2778]

U mean life?lol

[@jess-dn4th]

k

[@lancetheking7524]

*_a n d t h e n y o u f o r g e t E V E R Y T H I N G_*

[@IDontLikeHandIes]

@@lancetheking7524 ^

[@RACHEL-yq2nb]

‘It was Adam and Eve not Adam and steve’ I think you need to Adam and leave

[@ishredchildreninboxfans754]

saw this on redditt "you make about as much as a garbage man" "well at least the trash they handle doesnt talk back"

[@barb1974]

OH BOY

[@lucyfied]

Oh wow OOOOOH

[@arrayro1302]

LMFAO IM DYING

[@treyferrell9400]

+100 honor

[@m.a.6020]

Naomi The Not so iconic shishter “Everyone liked that”.

[@funkee5675]

My teeth are also like stars... yellow and far apart from each other

[@wildchicken679]

Sorryyyy 😂

[@YourIQDoesntMeanShitToMe]

I didn't understand the star comeback, can someone explain?

[@ninjaemperor5533]

#YourIQDoesn'tMeanShitToMe Dentures

[@YourIQDoesntMeanShitToMe]

@@ninjaemperor5533 Ahhh, God damn I wouldn't even remotely have figured that out. Makes complete sense, thank you.

[@ninjaemperor5533]

#YourIQDoesn'tMeanShitToMe Welcome

[@DangStank]

I was a shrimps kid with glasses and some big ol bald bully kid said “It’s Harry Potter, he’s gonna turn us into frogs” I replied “It’s Shrek, he’s gonna squeeze the jelly from our eyes”

[@memesandhoi2924]

Shrek is nothing but a meme.

[@heatsflamesman5353]

@@memesandhoi2924 YOU HAVE SPOKEN THE CURSED WORDS. ARREST HIM

[@1millionsubswithonly2video39]

I would have said "no need, you already are frogs" if I had the brains

[@ytuser4562]

XD

[@aquarius_p3599]

that's a compliment hun! I would have responded with "Well makes sense, I'm speaking with a snake." or "I don't need to turn you into a frog, you already are one"

[@firstnamelastname7113]

My Biology teacher and I watched somebody nearly get hit by a car running across a road He says to me “see what I mean about natural selection?”

[@m4rdoo]

T3.O1F5 LMAO

[@fatmandirtball4746]

Where can I sign up to get your bio teacher to teach me

[@fadedaudios399]

Omg 😂😂😂

[@emanuel_lauti1021]

I need that bio teacher

[@lettuce3337]

That must've been "tiring"

[@envyy5914]

When you think of a comeback in the shower with a argument with yourself 😂😂

[@spicybbqchicken]

SAME

[@sayiaro]

THIS IS SO TRUE

[@joemn1274]

Thats sooooo meee

[@Tw0Dots]

...guess this happens lol

[@l.ingram14]

Yes 😂

[@Kpopyay]

Person: “what are you now, the trash whisperer?” Me: “yep, or how else would I talk to you?”

[@user-cd1sy8mt5d]

Good one bro

[@legendarytronic7774]

I don't understand this insult and comeback please help me get this. 😂

[@cloudwarren6919]

@@legendarytronic7774 theyre a trash whisperer, so by saying the comeback they are saying the person is trash lmao

[@legendarytronic7774]

@@cloudwarren6919 Ohhhh LOL

[@legendarytronic7774]

@@cloudwarren6919 Thanks for Helping me understand this.

[@steveconor9463]

Neighbor told me "eh someone stole my I'd" Me " who would want to be you

[@riejrjejejrjejrjrkenendkdj4207]

Steve Conor that’s not a comeback, that’s a roast.

[@_cthbear_1825]

@@riejrjejejrjejrjrkenendkdj4207 not even

[@fatmandirtball4746]

....was I supposed to laugh?

[@ginsugray5469]

Once, in third grade, my english teacher sent a condescending note home pinned to my shirt, explaining how I was not paying attention in class, and that as my parents it was their responsibility to ensure that my performance was up to her high-quality standards. My mother, a substitute english teacher herself, filled the note with a few well placed small red circles. At the top, in the same red ink, she wrote, "SUBJECT/VERB AGREEMENT!"

[@tp4845]

BEST MOTHER EVER

[@creater20225]

we need to know what the teachers reaction was man.

[@mahnamejeff7586]

Don't leave us hanging dawg... How did the fricking teacher respond?

[@EndlessSummer888]

That's totally the kind of thing I'd do, because bad spelling and grammar makes me really fucking irritated (the next person I see writing "should of" instead of "should've" is getting STABBED IN THE EYES!). When my now ex-girlfriend and I broke up, she sent me an email a couple days later FULL of spelling and grammatical errors, just because she knew it would make me tick. It was so petty, but when I look back on it now, I laugh.

[@justsomerandominternetuser6379]

My brother’s girlfriend asked me, “are you gay?” and I responded with, “Why are you recruiting?”

[@frogk694]

I cant stop thinking of the meme lol

[@davidmcdowell7992]

I once threw a cable and missed its box. A guy said "great aim" sarcastically I reply "that's why you don't have a lil brother"

[@lachiew4465]

DAT DERPYSWAG F in chat for that guy 😵

[@rivalguide7262]

Goddam it I am using that

[@clownvibes]

Oof that was a good one

[@janaaniesuthaaharan5158]

Remember that roast is only good if the person you're using it on actually wants or wished at one point a younger sibling.

[@lordzoe4072]

F

[@ksfishchannel]

I wonder how many of these are just comebacks people thought of 24 hours later while showering.

[@justhavefun2640]

80 percent of them are lies

[@gibbon3985]

I usually think of comebacks in the shower bcs i’m a pussy ass bitch

[@equisetidae]

My teachers comeback was real read the second comment on the video.

[@BetterEggsOfficial]

At least us viewers might be able to use these someday.

[@equisetidae]

@@BetterEggsOfficial lol

[@carissa2985]

Once my teacher said to check our work for mistakes. I broke my pencil and the jerk next to me was like "yoU JuST MaDe a MIstAKe" to be annoying. I said I'm not your mom. 🤣

[@user-cd1sy8mt5d]

I dont get it

[@Tunic_]

@@user-cd1sy8mt5d he's saying that his mom made a mistake which was the bully

[@user-cd1sy8mt5d]

@@Tunic_ oooow now i get it 😅

[@feloniousphil7398]

*voice cracks intensify*

[@fatzs.z7444]

No one: Literally no one: People who watched this video: writing notes *INTENSIFIEs*

[@frickman8065]

Ah shit dropped my Sharpie

[@clementscott10]

**scribbles furiously**

[@Breezy_Blue]

*Write that down, write that down!*

[@marlenelangmeier6053]

Fatz S.Z didn’t need to expose me like that

[@IDontLikeHandIes]

Ahh! My pen is out of ink, guys do you have a spare pen?

[@N0FoxGiven]

that last one got me dying xD, the guy doesnt see that as savage? most calm comeback ever, proves it wasnt him, then just that flat diss great.

[@icestorm2886]

Person: You are the reason I feel tall Me: And you are the reason I feel smart Will remain my best comeback ever

[@HitTheFloor16]

Kinda sad that THAT is your best comeback

[@iAnonymous877]

@@HitTheFloor16 Kinda sad that you had to put down this guy’s comment just to make yourself look better.

[@HitTheFloor16]

@@iAnonymous877 who said I wanna look good

[@dead-ishchannel6212]

Everyone: The greatest comeback ever conceived is No U Me, An Intellectual: *Nay Thee*

[@LiLiKOiOiOi]

I applaud you, soldier

[@hellothere3260]

I had just been given the most modern middle-age comeback ever. Bless the holy Jesus.

[@Monochrome2004]

*pulls out an uno reverse card* checkmate

[@rabbiqa]

*Todoroki*

[@randomuser684]

*_NANI?!_*

[@anatomicsnuffbox3126]

Oh the irony of a British robot voice mispronouncing “Churchill”

[@thirsty7281]

Some of the comments on here are cringe worthy but this is made my day, thank you. Edit: not sarcasm, I mean it, that is well spotted.

[@cat_goose9592]

That was funny, I cringed 😂

[@tershey8862]

Churkill

[@TheNightWatcher1385]

Man: “Sir! That’s my wife! You should be ashamed!” Groucho Marx: “If that’s your wife, YOU should be ashamed!”

[@B0TFrosty]

Gordom roasted by his OWN DAUGHTER? Only in the Ramsay family folks.

[@mkday22]

he got roasted like a prime rib

[@qwertymanova2652]

He deserves it.Think about how much he roasted and how many times he boiled

[@hvymtlrightybrent7339]

How much linginge are you useing????!!!

[@qwertymanova2652]

@@hvymtlrightybrent7339,what?

[@milster08]

These comments are USELESS FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT

[@games-rc9td]

guy: i have 10 times as many friends as you me: 10 times 0 is still 0 guy: well then

[@colinkotler1749]

Self destruction 100

[@legowhite]

Sometimes, you have to sacrifice yourself for the greater good.

[@evb5061]

That’s so motherfucking hilarious😋😋😋😋😋😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😎😎😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩😂😂😂😂😂

[@samuelskogqvist5565]

Suicide vest

[@moved8575]

Kamikaze by words. You end yourself but also end the guy

[@izzatikamila43]

Just bring an uno reverse card wherever you go so when someone insults you or anything you just pull the card out

[@Lee-sq5jc]

That would be epic

[@sudoku.z]

i have one

[@lordexplosionmurder8978]

I actually do this 🤣🤣

[@lancetheking7524]

ill bring the 4 colors, to make things more cooler

[@jeffjefferson2043]

Lord Explosion Murder same

[@Stormsong93]

"Aren't those A cups for kids" JESUS CHRIST. 🔥

[@joshuaantao6017]

Nexius can u please explain? Idk what A cup is

[@cestalia]

@@a-ha4940 Better virgin than get STD or pregnant tho. I am a teacher and believe me, I wish some people doesn't have sex at all.

[@midorilimex3199]

this video: *exists* me: WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN

[@ironlavainc.589]

Charles the French reference?

[@VelaBun]

About to use this when I go back to school lol 😂😂😂

[@quchi7232]

Friend: **insults me** 3 years later Me: **finally though of a great comeback during shower**

[@eliserss9179]

Kid 1: "Don't copy my answer" Kid 2: "Don't worry I wont, I wouldn't want to get it wrong after all"

[@ichibanny]

Whack

[@nobodygacha2345]

Kid 1:" exactly,so don't" That's what I would say

[@racismisnotapersonalitytra8225]

Kid 1: **shook**

[@y2123-l8c]

Kid 1: *Sad noises*

[@yourlocalcocaineaddict4537]

Kid 1: *triggerd*

[@roselle.0835]

Lol when I was joking around with my sister playing video games and I said "gEt oN mY lEvEl bRo" She said, " *but it hurts bending to my knees.* "

[@あなたはこれが何を意味するのかを]

Woah... that doesn't sound right.

[@roselle.0835]

@@あなたはこれが何を意味するのかを Yeah... Just reread it....

[@kriszenn1125]

r/cursedcomments

[@roselle.0835]

@@sriramn1809 yeah XD

[@あなたはこれが何を意味するのかを]

I hate getting notified of replies to this comment. Everytime I read the original comment I think of a loli saying "Daddy, but it hurts bending to my knees"

[@icantth1nkofanam40]

Guy 1: Guy 2 has the smallest d*** in the world Guy 2: Awkwardly looks around Me: at least he's got one

[@saumyaamavi3225]

Awesome 😂😂

[@lancetheking7524]

a comeback for another person

[@jee_jee_jee_5529]

XD

[@purpleblue6471]

Once I heard two girls arguing "Why am I even your friend?" "Because there is no-one else who likes you!"

[@liagamer4265]

Ooooh thats gotta hurt.

[@Adam-rt1lc]

it’s just “no one” you don’t need the hyphen

[@TheNiroBlack]

thats actually touching

[@marianikola7553]

I mean if you think about it it also works as a compliment. “Because Im the only one whi likes you”

[@schtoobert8499]

The greatest comeback in the universe is... "no u"

[@angelinajackson7684]

Uno reverse

[@TheBluePhoenix008]

@@angelinajackson7684 no u

[@Matrix11BS]

all fun in games until they hit you with that No W

[@Demoneye097]

Ok

[@Demoneye097]

Ok

[@moelester8656]

Lets say that I was not the most attractive person in school. One time, I walked in the hallway and this girl simply said: ew. I responded by saying: That's what your mother said when you came out.

[@woman4220]

I agree with your name, I am a female, and I still agree that the fact women are saying they're so much better, and the men should worship the ground they walk on, is wrong, I think women should be treated equally as men, but only the ones who deserve it, there are some real bitches out there, same with males. I rest my case, sorry to bother you.

[@cloaker8475]

*THATS ALOT OF DAMAGE*

[@ctrlaltdeligt]

Shots fired!!!!!

[@nekkawaii]

No one: Seriously, no one: Robot voice: C H U R K I L L

[@fawful94]

Aaaaaaunt

[@kookiessuga6523]

Where is that

[@nekkawaii]

@@kookiessuga6523 0:37

[@user-wf1nb8cc8o]

"Nobody likes you, CJ." *"Nobody loves you, Max."*

[@monomo5830]

“You’re ugly!” “I guess we got something in common”

[@adedamolaadeyemi6591]

It should've been something like: go get your eyes checked and stop mixing me up with yo mama 😂

[@Shazzkid]

"takes one to know one" and "i know you are but what am i" will forever be classics and my go-to no matter my age.

[@wellshoot]

I agree it’s a classic, but I think “I know you are but what am I” doesn’t make sense and makes you look like the real idiot in any situation. By far my least comeback

[@VinLuiK]

@@wellshoot Yeah I font understand that one.

[@donmiller2908]

@@wellshoot - I agree. And I hate anything that was ever said by Peewee Herman.

[@casualworks-]

Some spicy comebacks. Enough to feed a entire crew.

[@TheFinalGate_]

Casual works an* ....i have standards

[@mikeemoo9928]

M. Black Capital I* I also have some standards

[@titobungo01]

I have a feeling this could have been a r/woosh bait lol

[@casualworks-]

@@titobungo01 Nah, just a honest mistake.

[@JordanWheeler1999]

So you had enough fatso? 🤔

[@PeterPq]

4:10 I once heard over a similiar story, but with the dude saying: "your teeth are like stars, because they are bright yellow and far away from each other"

[@Phoenix8492]

Man bothering King Demaratus of Sparta: “Who is the most exemplary Spartan?” Demaratus: “He that is least like you.”

[@designner5151]

Me: Shut up Bully: Make me Me: I DONT MAKE TRASH

[@kalebross1027]

I don't make trash I fucking burn it

[@Lumanova]

Bully: "I know, but your parents do." Me: "I've heard better insults from Windows error messages."

[@kalebross1027]

@@Lumanova lmfao

[@KhangNguyen-bl3xc]

Payton 6 months ago isnt a long time

[@droppedinbase5777]

@@Lumanova LMAO

[@poison3637]

When I was playing Minecraft with a Friend, a Random kid said “ur gay” to us, My friend’s response was: “I’m straighter than the Pole your mother dances on.” *DESTRUCTION 100*

[@cloaker8475]

*OOF SIZE*

[@cloudthesheep]

Im gonna use this even though I am the opposite of straight

[@hiddenguy67]

heard it 10000 times lol.

[@ilovechocolate6997]

you copied that from that indian pwedipie video

[@surreal_killer]

"Oh you're gay/bi? Haha alright just don't hit on me lmao." "Don't worry, I only like pretty boys/girls."

[@teacakes968]

James Charles: If you're straight, I won't promise anything

[@michaelgum97]

I'd probably respond with "Oh don't worry, I'm not into garbage."

[@michaelgum97]

@Xenox Right, I'm the one who's insecure, because a person who I don't who or care for thinks that I'll try to hit on them just because I'm bi, it's not like gay/bi people have standards and tastes on who they might be interested in, but no, you're right, it's not like I'm already in a gay relationship or something. Oh wait, I am. But since you apparently know so much about how the human mind and relationships work then enlighten me on how having different standards/tastes/preferences equate to being insecure, or you can just repeat this bullshit until you'll delute yourself that it's true. Personally, the former seems a lot more productive.

[@tortoiselover2044]

@@michaelgum97 Wow dude, chill XD you seem tense

[@michaelgum97]

@Xenox And? Just because I have high functioning autism doesn't add anything. Now learn how to properly roast already.

[@wrenthlynacin4550]

I fifth grade a kid was bothering me and acting like I had a crush on him. 'I'm iN a coMmITtEd ReLaTiOnShIp' 'with what? Your hand?'

[@dorianbush555]

I’ve heard that before

[@elle2498]

My Latina aunt: and where's your boyfriend honey? Me: and where's your green card Aunty?

[@lukemimnagh2594]

Damn, now THAT is a comeback, I’m Irish and I still get it noice

[@iwillslamyouagainstatable2526]

Teacher: question Kid: answers wrong Bully: ha, you failed! Kid: nobody asked for your life story! The entire classroom (including the teacher) was rollin

[@dansharpe9321]

I'm guessing your a kid right?

[@okuyasuniijimura]

And everyone clapped

[@gb7586]

And elon musk came in and says "You're the one"

[@expressionlessicesnow6540]

Some kid at back room: *Dab*

[@OMGFuziion]

South Park "now let's hear an answer from someone whos not a complete retard."

[@matiasschuler579]

Not quite a comeback but my history teacher is known for being one of the chillest people in campus, one day this guy replied to a question by using the classic “your wife” joke. Everyone thought it was a clear suspension, except the teacher, who gave him a candy and said it was a good one

[@sirsupesafro7637]

"He died of food poisoning sometime that afternoon."

[@heccinifel833]

@@sirsupesafro7637 LMAO

[@usernamechecksout9901]

So he’s soft

[@feudela4357]

City Nights Vaporwave maybe a little, but probably not as much as your brain.

[@usernamechecksout9901]

Feudela stupidest comeback I’ve ever heard

[@mrpix7256]

"This is why when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering"

[@thesurvivorssanctuary6561]

"This is the result of your mom dropping you on your head." "It took a billion years for your brain to evolve, but you're too stupid to use it once." "When you were born, the doctor saw your face, and then he slapped your mother." "Every single word you utter lowers the collective IQ of humanity."

[@Sami-wu1ng]

Yesss🤣🤣😂

[@Hal-Bal]

Greatest comeback I ever had was when I was having a roast battle against my brother. He doesn’t know how to roast so here’s how it went: Brother: you already know who won! (Points to himself) Me: ya, the participation award.

[@patrickplayz713]

Hal-bal Gaming that was amazing

[@derpyredop9313]

That's good lol

[@johnacebuque4612]

Lol

[@samthecat5366]

I thought I was the only one who had roast battles with my siblings lol 😂 I’m glad I have someone to relate to. XD

[@nillaorsmth]

a surviv.io player I see

[@user-eu6tm2pi4b]

once my fried was getting told “i am a savage you are below average” (something like that) and he said back “you have an iq of a cabbage” and he became so cool at that moment

[@walinut6443]

OoOooOOooOoOooOoOo roasted

[@maxstone2380]

God damn that was the most cringiest comeback ever.

[@walinut6443]

@@maxstone2380 do you have a better one?

[@maxstone2380]

@@walinut6443 Nope.

[@walinut6443]

@@maxstone2380 -.- exactly

[@honkytonkywillywonky8723]

Me: *watches video* “WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN”

[@amberdolphin1210]

Charles the French quotes are turning into memes, aren't they?

[@user-cd1sy8mt5d]

Trie

[@user-cd1sy8mt5d]

True*

[@jaehyunsqueso3450]

@@lIIlIIIlIIlII uhm no it wasn't. Anybody can write this tf.

[@ineedcoffeetostayawake7747]

I wanna like, but it's at 69

[@idaho6533]

Kid: draws stupid picture of a guy Kid: shoves it in my face Kid: "it's a mirror!" Me: "no, it's a window" Note that I have commented this elsewhere, it is not stolen.

[@almostmybedtime]

ahh that is so smart

[@barb1974]

This mans IQ transcended spacetime.

[@KonnyP]

Medal time!

[@GuyScott1]

THESE THUBNAILS ARE TOO GOOD

[@freeReligion]

Hello scott this is your mom

[@scottcrow1416]

Michael rosen loves the children no you're not, my mom isn't ugly.

[@emperortgp2424]

He has a treasure trove of rare pepes

[@scottcrow1416]

And my mom doesn't suck feet, so I guess we're not really related. :D

[@CM-rt7dt]

this happened at my school and I didnt like my vice principal cause he liked walking into the girls bathroom so he stopped me in the hallway him - what's your name me - *says name* but my friends call me *says nickname* him - ok hi *says nickname* me - I said my friends after that I walk away leaving him stunned behind me he never talked to me again after that

[@HexAtom]

Why TF would he do that

[@Dimmary]

I didn't get it :(

[@_JustAnotherKid__]

Dim mary VP is not her friend

[@CM-rt7dt]

@@_JustAnotherKid__ omg I just remembered posting this comment. middle school me was so 😖 idk what was wrong with me. I'm so glad I'm past that edgy middle schooler faze. that was 6th grade me that said that and. (and I said that a couple yrs ago)

[@mickboontjes1674]

Wow Winston Churkill sure sounds like a cool dude to hang out with

[@mikegeo06]

@Random Bloke r/woooosh

[@JuicedLeaf]

@@mikegeo06 you really need to learn what that means.

[@mikegeo06]

@Random Bloke I think I would after having been on the sub before I replied to you.

[@JuicedLeaf]

@@mikegeo06 Then why are you using it wrong?

[@mikegeo06]

@Random Bloke I can’t say I feel like arguing with a random bloke, so sorry if I misunderstood you, have a nice day.

[@l2loveu]

friend 1: im hungry friend 2: eat me bc im a snack friend 1: no thanks, i dont eat trash that was during break and i still burst out laughing whenever i remember

[@cbaileychamp]

"How to telegraph to your female friend that you think shes prettier than you"

[@shinyscarab2546]

This one’s from Harry Potter: Harry: Yes. Snape: Yes SIR! Harry: There’s no need to call me sir, professor.

[@DaydreamingDrawings]

So on one of the class field trips for my grade while I was still in middle school, I happened to be paired with this super annoying kid that I hated. He always made sexual noises and was distracting in class. We were walking around the theme park/carnival and he kept bragging to the group how he'd finally gotten this certain girl to date him. Without skipping a beat, I replied "Damn, [certain girl] has to raise her standards. Everyone, including the group supervisor, laughed. The kid looked REALLY surprised, considering I was kinda the dorky outcast at that school. Idk not the best burn I've ever pulled off but definitely felt the best

[@ray-ur4eb]

I have the exact same type kid in my class. Typical rich boy, blonde and tanned. Always makes sexual noises in class while looking at specific girls to embarrass them. And so he's been roasted a few times by dorks too.

[@DaydreamingDrawings]

Ye

[@Xalgucennia]

"The jerk store called, they're running out of you"

[@ultralinguistics3083]

"Wouldnt buy it even for a discount"

[@SV-ed4qn]

Corny stop plz

[@Telhias]

"What can I say, I am just that popular!"

[@steeledcelestial2958]

Xalgucennia that isn’t good that’s terrible actually

[@nathanmount3232]

TheDark Speeder and you’re the one that the Seinfeld reference missed.

[@vardaanchaphekar]

No one: Absolutely no one: This guy: Winston ChUr KiLl

[@maevemcd4692]

"Nice wig, Janice. What's it made of?" "YOUR MOM'S CHEST HAIR!"

[@0llieftw]

Wtf is that from, I can't figure it out

[@maevemcd4692]

@@0llieftw Mean Girls

[@alaiyoooon]

wig snatched

[@RedKnightOfficial]

Guy: >2 hours of roasts and insults but finally finishes< Me: *no u*

[@rodeycrafter5615]

Gf: writes a long paragraph Bf:k

[@vishalbhat8602]

@@lenz3958 bruuuuh you get the award for the longest text 😂

[@euphoria8248]

I was in drama and my class was playing improv. One kid hesitated and just blurted out "my girlfriend broke up with me" and another kid said "I can see why" I was thinking I could see why also 😂

[@diegomesadiez]

I have no interest in being a pimp anyway *that's the greatest pimp line I've ever heard*

[@boredgamer7841]

"better to have an ugly face than an ugly heart" he said then got into bed curled into a fetal position and cried himself to sleep "yeah.. better than an ugly heart.. you sure showed them.. ugly hearts"

[@boredgamer7841]

@Morning Sun Sparkles Dew on fresh grasssadly my nick is too accurate.

[@chrisrudolf9839]

Yeah, that comeback in itself was not the greatest one, but the situation that those girls had been thinking he couldn't understand what they were saying made it effective.

[@boredgamer7841]

@@chrisrudolf9839 too many of these "people talk shit about other people in [obscure and rarely spoken language] but HAHAHA the person understood it and made a witty comeback and then everybody on the bus clapped".

[@Modsu]

idk i thought of it like “physical beauty is subjective, but a cunt’s a cunt.”

[@anduro7448]

@@Modsu kek

[@thecubeychannel]

here’s a comeback i heard so there was this kid who always writes in his journal however the teacher called his name to answer a question and he’s writing she picks it up and starts to read what he wrote however he misspelled a world and this was ela class and the teacher said “do you want me to redirect you to the elementary school” and he says “do you want me to redirect you to the cotton field” (the teacher was black) he got expelled but i still see him at some point

[@stellawu7959]

pepperoni pizza lmao u narrow minded kid

[@stellawu7959]

pepperoni pizza Would u let a teacher discourage u like that?

[@stellawu7959]

pepperoni pizza Even blacks call each other Nigga today, doesn't really offend them anymore.

[@stellawu7959]

pepperoni pizza what he said meant more as a joke than anything else imo.

[@saumyaamavi3225]

@@stellawu7959 and the teacher was also joking... imagine if you were raped...now, if you jokingly say to someone 'please don't draw anymore' does that give them a right to say 'shut up or I'll send you back in his bedroom' ? Because you discouraged him?😑 Try to understand the seriousness of situations.

[@foreveraduck9490]

Math teacher: This side is 6 inches long Me: *laughs* 6 inches *giggles* Teacher: you don’t even know what 6 inches is

[@liagamer4265]

Ohhhhhh roastedddd

[@JanMaynz]

This just makes me think of how my homemade dildo, made to go as far up as possible, is about a foot long, with 1-2 inches sticking out when fully inserted.

[@liagamer4265]

@@JanMaynz ok then...

[@JanMaynz]

@@liagamer4265 ...I blame autism @~@

[@walinut6443]

@@JanMaynz HAHAHA sorry I laughed so hard at this and the reply

[@mystery2140]

A girl said to me that I took all of her friends away And I replayed maybe they are not coming to me they are leaving you

[@sectoid-with-internet-access]

Once there was a girl in my class. She called me a nerd at end of PE class. I responded "since nerds are smart, you told me I am smart so thank you". She went craaazyyyy. Also, there was another chick who wore some handmade chocker. Honestly, she looked like a striptisette (tell me in comments how to spell it). I wore oversized "man" shirt with Star Wars logo on it. She asked me "you know you are wearing a man's shirt?" I responded "yes, but at least I dont wear something striptisette's do". She didn't complain about my clothes after that lmao

[@sectoid-with-internet-access]

wtf did i write 2 years ago

[@hornetisspider]

@@sectoid-with-internet-access LMAO

[@josephmcdonagh8389]

You've corrupted my sweet personality by giving me an incipient desire to ruin some poor fools whole career.

[@basmca1]

8:05 And that was the last day Karen showed up to school.

[@duckduckgoose1354]

Fallingout EMS oOf

[@Mandy_rdtz]

This happened on the bus. It was Halloween and most ppl were in costumes. One of my friends was wearing a bunch of robes (She was from harry potter or something) And she was sweating bc the bus was really crowded, plus it was very hot outside and inside and they were wearing robes. The conversation went like this: Bully: "Who here smells like sh* ?" staring at my friend to signify it was her. Me: "Who here looks like sh* ?" All the while giving him a death stare. He went back to his seat and didn't speak for the rest of the bus ride.

[@TheLugzy]

Bully: you're worthless! Me: I know I'm worthless... Because I'm so priceless that there aint nothing worth me.

[@myneneedssomequalitytimein8908]

Some kid:your a massive prick you know that Me:and your point is? Guy was just dumbfounded

[@Arterexius]

I'll usually reply "good to know we're in the same boat then" if I can't think of another comeback fast enough. If you can't one-up them, then insert them into their own insult. They'll either not know what to say or say something that's easier for you to one-up.

[@SV-bx5lr]

My friend with a girlfriend: "I bet you're gay cause you're still a virgin" Me: "If she was my girlfriend you'd most definitely be right."

[@albertgalan7829]

O.O

[@aleksandarvil5718]

*#OUCH*

[@michelangelos_pizza]

69 likes,nice

[@percy1579]

In my elementary school (last year) A friend of mine had a HUGE grudge with this one girl my whole entire friend group hated (including me). She then brought all of her friend and we started screaming at each other. The girl we all hated started roasting us and it turned into a “roasting battle.” I still remember my comeback to this day. It’s pretty bad, but I’m proud because she got so offended over it. One of my friends in our group is really pretty compared to “the girl we hate” (I’m not saying her name) and she said that to her and then the girl we hate she said “roses are red, violets are blue, god made me pretty, what happened to you?” I was so pissed she said that to my friend, because she was OBVIOUSLY much prettier than her so I blurted out “roses are red, violets are blue, you’re a b*tch, and we know it too” she was so angry at me after that, and even though it wasn’t a good roast, I’m still proud of it, lol. Plus, all the roasts she got were from google. How pathetic can you get?

[@jlsangyahon9348]

Normal people: Aunt Automated voice: Aah-aunt

[@fearthefunnyman1201]

Nah fam, gotta keep that uno reverse card on you at all times

[@cheesecakemcgee3638]

FEARTHEFUNNYMAN uno reverse card only works in a game with 3 players. In a 2 player game it goes back to you

[@victory8992]

One time I was in university, and I was playing the piano (yeah, I do that, deal with it) and this guy walks up to me and goes: "remember when gay kids didn't play the piano?" And then I replied with: "remember when gay kids didn't exist? And then YOU showed up." The guy walked away, red as a lobster lol

[@fisharepeopletoo9653]

Stranger: "Hi, how are you?" Me: "No, you." Andbthen everyone clapped and laughed and cried, including the teacher and her dog.

[@MustraOrdo]

It's true, I was one of the claps.

[@amberdolphin1210]

I'm sorry, I don't find that funny.

[@shadiraghfan2196]

Boomer joke

[@missybennet1594]

🙄

[@glassthedragon6894]

Kid: were you born in a barn? Me: no, but Jesus Christ was, so what? This actually happened in my art class.

[@hillarysudeikis2264]

Lord Jesus Christ is God respect Him. He created all of us!

[@eternaleffect2499]

@@hillarysudeikis2264 umm no...

[@tankmaker9807]

Popular kid to me in front of his friends: You're weird! Me: Good, because if you're normal, I'd rather be weird. Walked away before they realized it was an insult. Best comeback I've ever had.

[@JaneDoe-bo5qw]

One of my male colleagues was repeatedly annoying another by turning off or closing his computer while he was trying to work. I stood up, pointed my finger at him, and said "Stop. It. Right. Now." He said "You're not my mother!" and I responded with "And you aren't 4 years old, so stop acting like it!" He stopped and was really quiet after that.

[@thomaswilliamson625]

Jane Doe, that’s pretty weak. Idk tho. Maybe in a professional environment?

[@titobungo01]

@@thomaswilliamson625 wow... really?

[@007ferguson007]

@@titobungo01 lmao it was pretty lame...

[@kinzanaqvi4411]

that's weak

[@Gaminggod1997BAGR]

My brother was setting up mousetraps and I asked if could help out. Bro: no, you don't have the hand eye coordination for it. Gets finger caught Me: "About that hand eye coordination...

[@feloniousphil7398]

Sister: "You're a potato!" Me: "What? Are you talking about the chips at the bottom of the bag? *because that'd be you"*

[@_lquis9864]

One girl in my class once asked if I was gay. I simply responded with :" im not. But I'd turn definitely gay for you" Edit : fixed some writing

[@LTCLB]

Ohhhhh we have a winner in the comments section!!!!!

[@_lquis9864]

@theBgirl thank you

[@_lquis9864]

@@LTCLB yeah she never spoke bad to me again. Actually she became a good friend of mine after this since she started respecting me :)

[@missR.L.A]

I'm don't get it

[@hiwelcometochilis9092]

Rianna whitlock obviously if you’re gay that means you’re attracted to people of the same gender So he told the girl that he would go gay for her because she’s ugly

[@Shino-lr2wi]

Today my friend whos mum was recently in china was insulting me in front of the class so i asked "is your mom back from china yet?" He said "yep" I asked "what shipping container did they use?"

[@thegrandtemslayr1384]

Cold.

[@wookiesforlife6167]

I always get really flustered in the moment and can’t roast but then afterwards I’m like damn it why didn’t I think of that