I LOL'd so hard at the bunny shit vacuum.

The one with the quarterback and the aluminum plate was brilliant ✨

Yea.. i was surprised.

The one bitching about $10 is fucking a problem. I would’ve said the exact same thing. I am also judicious with my money and who I lend and take From but I would not fucking be a little bitch to a colleague about $10. There’s an understanding amongst most people that things like that come out in the wash so when you ask for that stuff back, you seem like a cheap fucking prick.

I broke down the firewall in the school security systems and absoluteley fucked with the principal's computer as well as the camera systems, they never figured out who did it

6:33 makes a sad amount of sense given Pheonix's childhood.

*didn't even let me finish or listened to me at all* ""It's just anxiety" Bye. Bitch, JuSt AnXieTy your ass, had depression and suicidal tendencies since the age of TEN, went through several anxiety episodes and I have ASD, OCD and PTSD diagnosis as well. It was a man for the record tho.

I'd accept and.wait fo the 21st century to come around.

1st guy isn't human, he's definitely feline.

If I was to meet all my ancestors going back to the beginning of the human race, how big the crowd would be.

youtube is fascist

8:23 this is actually smarter than just fullscreening the picture

My dad was a weed trafficker back in the day (he got a cap on his case so no new info short of a murder or r*** can get him in trouble) and one of his "collectors" was a Vietnam vet named Vince, or Vinny for short. Vince passed away a few years ago so hes safe too. Anyway Vince enlisted at 16 and lied about his age to get sent to Vietnam. While there he made a necklace out of the ears of people he killed and absolutely loved it over there and loved what he was allowed to do. They confiscated his necklace before he got back stateside and was the craziest person my dad says he ever worked with.

This was all wrong

No mocking or you get a glocking

I’m ngl I miss ToadFilms…It has this weird covid nostalgia + comfort factor to it. Ik it’s literally the exact fucking same as any other AskReddit channel…But I still miss this one ):

and this is why i am going into the AF not army or marines (also I'm not great at PT)

I do ....worst thing she ever said to me

Nope

the first one is so stupid, of course he "wanted to be white" because you may have thought you were doing a good thing by "incorporating" his race/cultural background... but all you were really doing was treating him different than the rest of the family and otherizing him, you should have just left that bit out and treated him the same as everyone else and let him explore that himself if he wanted to when he got older. when a child is being treated differently than their other family they... get this... fell different cause they're being treated different... and since they want to be loved by their parents they wish they weren't different.

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but money buys freedom to find happiness.

What people don't think about when they say, "Zombies are easy to kill," is that they don't need living limits anymore. Humans have alot more strength than we are physically able to use otherwise it would kill us... but zombies couldn't care less about their well-being. Zombies would be able to sprint without be exhausted, crawling zombies would be faster and trip you up if you'renot careful, and if you get grabbed, good luck getting free of that death-grip. And that's not even considering possible mutations L4D style.

lol why do I feel like my ex was the same person as the second guy.

i've never in my life met a therapist who's good at their job. the most devastatingly incompetent caste of people that has ever existed.

Why would they disable the h key??

I needed this thank you

The convict codes specifically calls for the justice of child abuse especially in sexual cases. Even then at that people who commit crimes or petty crimes value the future of children and see anything kid related as an abnormality.

I just love zombie games. And mostly 2D. Like, I clearly see all those plotholes in Project Zomboid, obviously, but who cares? The zombie apocalypse setting collecting things you might LIKE, not cutting thing that illogical.

"I stole for him so he wouldn't get in trouble" 🤣

Fujoshi

Watched a bunch of people scream that sex is a synonym for gender. When given proof that sex and gender are in fact different concepts the idiots double down and plug their ears. For those who are curious, sex is determined by your chromosomes. Gender on the other hand is dictated by the society you live in.

I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.

Yeah the US military would survive one example of that being the NCO's which are pretty much enlisted men with responsibility of an officer. In the NCO creed it says if you have no way to reach command you will take control of the situation. So even if somehow the military lost communication it wouldn't be chaos it would just be harder.

Sometimes on cruise ships, the daily itineraries will have meeting listed, eg "Friends of Bob Smith 12:00" These are meetings for different support groups like AA.

Tip: you won’t get mugged if you look like you are about to mug someone

13:26 me, being the Strongest man in America at the moment, can confirm.

"I love you and have always loved you. I've always wanted to be with you but I don't know if it will happen"

I heard them laughing so i told them they forgot to turn off the mic. (The secretaries were in charge of the mic)

“You’re boring”

0/10

A girl once told me during an argument you shouldn't have kept your circle so small. I later found out that she would send videos of her shaking her ass to my best friend. I no longer talk to either of them.

I knew this kid Kyle who was held back twice. Big douche and bully we ended up becoming like best friends during his peak in middle school ( suprise , lots of these people are cool when nobody is around) he was bigger and stronger due to age and joined my football team a year after I did. He was honestly like the best defensive player in the league at middle line backer so uncoordinated and no skill just all rage and power. Knee injury. His family had no money, my dad was going to pay for it but it was too much and when we tried raising money that failed. He got into drugs starting with us smoking weed then him hanging out with crack heads and doing molly and ice. By 9th grade total outcast. It was a true case study, nobody even truly cut him off he just surrounded himself with people that had “lower” social status and would let him push them around. Became hateful towards all of his old friends for no identifiable reason besides him not being the big kid any more. He stopped growing and literally anyone he felt could possibly beat him in a fight he would completely cut off

Ngl the apocalypse guy could make a living out of his obsession, whether be a story or even as a performer with the katana

I'm sorry guys that we females are mean and horrible. I will say that there are a few rules that most girls have. 1. You have to be taller than her, with heels on. 2. Most girls want an above average guy in terms of looks, and having hair is a big factor. 3. Most girls want a guy who makes a very good amount in salary - above average again. Anyways, as a divorced single mother, I had around 4 guys ask me out after my divorce. I rejected three because they were too young for me. Another guy refused to ask me to my face and he sounded like he was older than me. I might have said yes, if he would see me, face to face. Not all girls are horrible. I hope you guys find someone who truly loves you for you. I, always, think the most beautiful thing about a man is his soft heart. Like being a good person is super attractive (to me anyways). Good luck and hopefully you've all healed. 😊

Was watching a movie with a girl i liked (and she knew). Unrealistic love scene happens, "this never happen like that, its bullshit" To which she said "oh believe me it does happen, just not to you" Dont know why but it still stings a little bit today, it was almost 10 years ago

these all sound like high school movie plots

1:12 Nothing prepares you for fighting like a 1,000 pound animal with horns, hooves and an attitude problem.

The blank stare, shrug, and walk off is the best comeback on so many levels im sorry

Had a girl and guy in high school who were in my wider friend circle come up to me one day and telling me that they´d made a bet about who would end up with the higher GPA at the end of the semester. The loser would have to have s** with me. After I told them where they could stick that bet of theirs, the girl comes up to me afterwards, asking all annoyed why I was upset. Fun times.

“I’ve out grown you. Like a toy or a wallet.”