Mother Of Former Miss USA Cheslie Kryst Talks Finishing Her Daughter's Memoir | The View

April Simpkins, the mother of the Miss USA winner who took her own life in 2022, opens up about her daughter's mental health struggles and more from their book, "By the Time You Read This."
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[@Write662]

This hits a little different after the current Ms USA and Ms Teen USA both resigned due to their mental health.

[@lexaneli]

These committees and organizations need to re-evaluate the pressures and expectations they put on these girls and young women. Combined with the public scrutiny

[@hunnibunni88]

Her death was so shocking. I followed her on TikTok and loved her videos. I pray you’re resting well ❤

[@jessicamarie8299]

Notice her last videos you can see it in her eyes she was really sad.

[@moniqueengleman873]

This is so sad. I did not know that part of her story. Such a waste. The genetic loss alone is such a waste

[@rallimb486]

Sara never ceases to amaze me with her approach to interviews and how she interacts with empathy regardless of who is on the other end ❤

[@tanja0411]

So agree. I appreciate her and her intelligent takes too. She’s such a great balance of light-hearted, empathetic and serious when it counts. That’s hard to find in media these days 💜

[@user-jx3cr6hb2j]

She’s fake and has selective sympathy

[@aimveryhigh]

@@user-jx3cr6hb2jyou’re talking about yourself pookie

[@BFick478]

Yes this one really ser her apart. She's geeat!

[@tanja0411]

@@user-jx3cr6hb2j do you keep deleting my replies. I asked you to prove the accusations you made. They were very serious. So either prove it or delete your own comment. It’s truly awful :(

[@tanja0411]

Sara is honestly such an empathetic person. I appreciate her and her takes in general so much ❤

[@SupernaturalLove100]

Right? She was perfect for this. She’s sensitive but professional and intelligent. Very likable.

[@Sbannmarie]

Ditto!

[@tanja0411]

@@SupernaturalLove100 She’s very smart too. I think she’s underestimated because she’s blonde and friendly but she’s equally wise, knowledgeable and honestly rational, which I do appreciate. And a good listener. Now I sound obsessed 😜 but it’s cathartic to when there are so many non-informed opinions and constant escalation of tensions and divide. Okay that’s it 😅❤

[@LyfeEvan]

Except for the fact that she’s a Zionist and genocide supporter.

[@sheliamaxwell2569]

I could see as Sara was doing this interview, how much she relates to what Chesly experienced. This young lady's death really affected me. When people say it's all in your head, as someone that lives with depression, I think yes, it's all in your head, but not in the way they mean it. And for anyone that hasn't experienced the struggle with depression, they are very fortunate.

[@jasonchristopher5316]

There was no better panelist of the View to conduct this interview than Sara. The empathy in her eyes and demeanour spoke volumes and I'm sure April appreciated that genuine care. April also spoke with such eloquence and precision. This was an excellent interview.

[@tanja0411]

So agree. And Sara stays strong too. She could have easily cried but she gets it’s about the guest and she’s there to hold space for them. It’s just appreciated to see people in media you can really look up to. 💜

[@user-jx3cr6hb2j]

She has selective sympathy That’s not a real sympathy

[@tyguy5291]

Sara has a very caring side that comes across so genuinely. Not all the view ladies can make themselves emotionally available like Sara can

[@tanja0411]

@@user-jx3cr6hb2j you literally make no sense and you haven’t proven it at all. Provide a link to when not one single time she wasn’t empathetic. Just one. You said she didn’t care about Palestinian kids dying. Either you or someone deleted that disgusting comment and our replies. Try facts and evidence. I think you’re actually projecting. Maybe YOU don’t have empathy for ALL people suffering. And it’s the civilians who always do. Not Hamas and not Netanyahu’s selfish and corrupt and inept government. Geopolitics is hard and there’s obviously no easy solution. If there were it would have been solved decades ago. If you’re going to say cruel ignorant things then you better back it up. Especially on a beautiful and sensitive clip like this. I hope you get some help, tbh. 🙏

[@tanja0411]

@@tyguy5291 agree. I think she’s really interested because she’s so friendly and nice. She’s extremely intelligent as well and I personally appreciate her really rational and moderate/independent takes.

[@resilientred1699]

Continue to be encouraged sister and know that strangers are praying for your strength and healing. RIP to your daughter.

[@CMHism]

I pray she and her family find comfort in knowing they are saving lives.

[@bluepeter128]

Wow!! This is some lady. Seen most of her interviews. She needs a platform...

[@angelcandido9397]

My sister would have been 33 today too. 15 years gone and feels just like yesterday. Mental health is so important. I am grateful to learn about Cheslie. May they both rest in peace

[@BaboNation]

Sara, this was beautfully done!

[@melindamcafee1728]

I remember this happening and was shocked. Prayers to you and your family.

[@ashleysleeth1106]

You can definitely tell where her fabulous looks are! Stunning

[@siobhanm717]

I have always thought of Sara as the most neutral and objective of the ladies on topics involving politics. She is also an amazingly understanding and empathetic interviewer. A master class!

[@GabrielHamsi]

That made me so emotional

[@maggiehodge4119]

Sara is a sweet soul.❤ My prayers are with you as a mom we have to be the strenght of our children. I happy that you are sharing her story and helping others. May her Soul continue to Rest In Peace.

[@elainejames3970]

Mother looks so young!!!

[@lexaneli]

Mama took great care of her physical wellbeing and it shows

[@yamilee1354]

This was so beautiful thank you for sharing this story and the n you Sara for the space you held

[@user-pq2nv7lt8n]

It's was so shocking, but I saw a lot of her in myself. I cried when I heard she passed.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

I wanted to cry. I remember feeling celebratory when i heard she and two other Black women were reigning in the pageant titles and I not only admired her as someone older and so smart and beautiful but also saw some of myself in her which made her passing really shocking and heartbreaking too 💔 Hope she’s at peace. Her mother is wonderful.

[@tishataray]

Agreed

[@user-ef8tr6oj9l]

This is a strong segment.

[@MicroTex23]

Love you Sara this was an amazing interview. You empathy and compassion shine through. Continue to rest in eternal peace Cheslie Kryst, I was a big fan and you are immensely missed.

[@uscitizen3252]

I'm so glad Sarah did this interview. She's amazing.

[@ceciliacalvin263]

I’m so glad Sara was the one doing this interview. Sara has class and did not turn this into a race interview.

[@ElleCestAngel]

May Cheslie RIP. Thanks to April for continuing to bring awareness to mental health issues. I am not familiar with this interviewer, but I am touched by her sensitivity during this interview.

[@deejohnson3470]

Thank you for sharing,educating and giving of yourself to others. God's peace and grace to you and your family 🙏

[@cynthiajubiter6889]

I'm so sorry for your loss. God bless you.

[@kathedeangelis1295]

Such a beautiful mom so sorry for her loss… April was absolutely gorgeous

[@navynick7307]

Ahhh so sad. Beautiful people.

[@JustBree716]

What a strong woman.❤

[@moniqueengleman873]

Great interview 👍 Sarah is so kind and Chesley Mom is incredible

[@SupernaturalLove100]

*sigh* Man oh man. I wanted to cry upon reading abt Cheslie’s passing. Before they released the cause of death, I remember wishing that it wasn’t su*cide and then my heart sinking. These days, it seems to be everywhere you look. When I first learned of Cheslie, I remember feeling celebratory when I heard she and two other Black women were reigning in the pageant titles and I not only admired her as someone older than me, so smart and beautiful and in shape but also because I saw some of myself in her (representation matters) which made her passing really shocking and heartbreaking too 💔 I really hope Cheslie is at peace🕊️I wish she had found the help she needed so that she didn’t have to leave. Her mother said that she was even grateful Cheslie had held on for as long as she did considering the years of pain she had had which makes a part of me wonder if anything could have helped her and or people in that situation 🥺 I have to imagine that Cheslie wasn’t the only person who had battled those issues for that amount of time and that she wouldn’t have been the only person to outlive it. I plan on reading the book when I’m confident it won’t break me because just reading an article about its release the past week had me in tears when I read part of the suicide note her mother shared in the book in which she says her mom couldn’t have done anything and the text she had sent her beforehand. Her mom is so wonderful and strong, I just can’t imagine the kind of pain of losing a child but losing one in this way. I felt the same kinda pain for Regina King. I’m grateful she’s occupying her time with doing work on behalf of her daughter who was big on connection and helping others, continuing Cheslie’s legacy in reminding people they are not alone 🙏🏽💛 Love you Cheslie. You certainly made your mark 🕊️

[@dorotaizak7461]

W jej chorobie jest też coś więcej ukryte niż tylko depresja która nie bierze się z nikąd.!?. Gdzieś jest punkt zapalny.

[@chaselim3963]

THANK YOU. What a beautiful, touching yet life-giving person she is, her mother is and this segment.

[@fabiennepaulemon613]

Sarah …. Extraordinary Interview; each question was super important and tactfully addressed. That mother has so much courage… may God continue to Bless her.

[@vinny7114]

Sara is such a beautiful human. We are so lucky to have her. April Simkins is such a strong person I couldn't bare this situation.

[@AliceP.]

I'm not American and I don't particularly follow beauty pageants or the news outlets that she worked for, so unfortunately I only knew about Cheslie's existence when she died. But it had such an impact on me, I remember going through her Instagram page with all those beautiful pictures, elegant dresses and heels, heavenly landscapes in expensive hotel pools, red carpet interviews with celebrities... And all of her accomplishments! Law degree AND a beauty queen! As a woman and as a 20-something living in a social media frenzy society, it shocked me that someone like her would not only be struggling, but also struggling to that degree. All of us have heard many times that rich and/or famous people aren't necessarily happy, but I think that type of life is so glamourized that it takes something like this to happen for you to give it a proper thought. 😢

[@rameshnayak311]

Sara is the right person to conduct this interview,she was so empathetic and compassionate ❤

[@teddyjam8134]

If someone no longer wants to live there's nothing you can do. It's their life and their decision.

[@tanja0411]

Not totally. When your chemistry and other factors are off you’re not fully rational or in control. I’ve been depressed and now being healthy I wouldn’t believe anything I thought and was completely convinced of at that time.

[@mrsdsparky]

Thank you, April Simpkin for sharing you and your family’s story.

[@chrisdoden132]

Amazing. That’s exactly how I felt when my husband passed away unexpectedly. I just didn’t care if I died too. I wouldn’t kill myself because of my daughter but I didn’t want to be here anymore. Four years later I still feel like that sometimes but now I have two beautiful grandchildren to show me just how wonderful life can be.

[@damarebanks9762]

Her death shocked me so much that I was Trembling and anxious the entire day 💔 and her brother is so amazing

[@BFick478]

My God...bless this morher and her family. I admire her strength ans resilience. Beautiful woman and I appreciate her honoring her amazing daughter. GOD bless ❤

[@esiler8801]

I am most grateful for the example and transparency of April❤.

[@susie6623]

so sorry for your loss. God Bless

[@christinamellow9824]

Honestly this is one of the most touching and sad story. CHEERS TO SARA AND THE VIEW .REST IN PEACE CHELSEA AND GOD BLESS HER AND HER MOM . ALSO HER FAMILY AND FRIENDS.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@DavidMiller-kf1ss]

Hugs!❤

[@jedarglobal3245]

Great job @SaraHaines. You anchored it so well. This is such an important and timely conversation! We all need to check in with ourselves everyday to see how we are doing. Also, try to reach out to that friend or family member who is behaving weird...you just never know.

[@msays1275]

I really appreciate this strong and accomplished Mom a lot and she's "camera ready"... just wondering how this achieving family and her dad is doing....

[@melonydennis5719]

What a BLESSED Testimony. 🙏😔🙏

[@soniaramos5165]

It’s sad to see this beautiful woman that took her own life while now knowing about the two reigning Ms USA and Ms Teen USA. Now you will never know if anything happened to her. 😢

[@robertphillips1791]

Her mom is so beautiful!!!

[@stephenanderson1594]

The pageant industry is so ruthless especially towards black women but women and girls in general. Miss Universe 2019 from South Africa suffered a borage of hate for being a black woman with short natural hair who beat a Latina with long blond hair but South Africa won with her brains and beauty. Recently the current Miss USA and Miss Teen USA resigned for mental health and toxic workplace conditions. People online need to realize the power of their words. Cheslie's haters should feel like crap everyday.

[@whoopygoldburgh5070]

Nobody wins a pageant with their brains . C'mon.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

@@whoopygoldburgh5070 South Africa did. Her answers went viral. And so did Cheslie. Cry about it

[@SupernaturalLove100]

People online will never realize the “power of their words” because they are miserable, envious, hateful and looking to project that. Lol. There are truly sick people online both perpetually and professionally jealous and self aggrieved while suffering from inferiority complex. They SHOULD feel like cr*p everyday, but they’d have to be decent in the first place so who knows. Those kind of trolls are already enduring their own personal misery so. I’m glad I never saw the borage of hate you mention against SA, just the love and flattery the way she deserved. Maybe I consciously knew there’d b triggered envious racists if I looked hard enough at the comments and didn’t bother. I didn’t know that the recent pageant winners resigned due to mental health and workplace conditions, wow. I’m glad these public facing people are taking example and putting themselves first. Naomi Osaka and Simone Biles did the same which was a great example.

[@tanja0411]

@@whoopygoldburgh5070 not totally but it has evolved. So many really intelligent and accomplished women have won. I don’t like pageants but I think this was a dumb comment on the wrong clip. Gross

[@stephenanderson1594]

@@whoopygoldburgh5070 you obviously don't know how pageants work.

[@dearisrhymes6426]

I think about Chelsie OFTEN. I followed her for a long time, I took hair advice from her, I was motivated by her success, etc. She poured so much into everyone else and yet, she struggled the most. I can’t wait to read her book and I hope she has found peace in another life. ❤️

[@jackierostow9537]

What a lovely, smart, generous woman. Mental health needs to be taken very seriously by everyone.

[@KyraBowlby]

reading this book has changed my life ❤

[@BusinessBox13]

It was finished…unless her mom tweaked Chelsie’s section. Her mom could’ve written a foreword. It didn’t need anything else, esp not a new section. I read the book last week & the title is a HUGE misnomer. The book was about her journey thru law school, pageantry, & her time as Miss USA.

[@KittyKeypurr]

"Having a support system" ....cannot agree more!

[@cocoknows]

She had everything except good mental health. It's so very sad. I know she had so much more to give to the world, if she could have just held on.

[@janetpartyka5968]

She struggled with depression, let's be upfront and say what it is.

[@AliceP.]

The title of the book seems to be a reference to the text message she sent her mother just before she jumped 💔

[@shirleyharris1335]

🙏🏽 ❤ 🙏🏽

[@bluepeter128]

Give her a seat on the view....

[@TRU3-LOV3]

I can see so much of April in Cheslie she raised her daughter in excellence,😮 to be the best she could be. And April herself just in her demeanor and education has broken the boundary lines for women like her to wear a dignified crown for dignified reasons. It is a tragedy that Cheslie took her own life. But Cheslies legacy is alive. Somehow this is going to help a lot people keep living!

[@zinamckenzie5391]

Peacefully Sleep…. One never knows what is behind a person’s smile… Continued prayers for Cheslie ‘s loving Family. Her loss was a definite impact of the lives of many. Endurance, strength, comfort may Elohim God provide all these and more.🙏🏽💖💕🌷👑💝🥹

[@Lizwindsor]

Sara is so good! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@dorthymcbride3384]

Please young adults! Remember, you are beautiful in and out! You are a child of god! The haters online is the reason why we shouldn't be on social media! Do not listen to false people who do not know you! God bless all of you and know that you are enough and we are blessed to have you in this 🌎workd!!❤❤

[@deanbarnette1602]

💔😥🙏🏼🙏🏼🌹

[@rpbbabb1673]

I felt over whelming sense of sorrow after Cheslie passed away. I pray she is with the Lord.

[@daishaherring2765]

🔥 🔥 🔥 we have to take care of our physical mental and spiritual selves ALL the time!!!

[@gigilamoore2656]

I read the book and I still don't quite understand. In Cheslie's own words, she seemed to handle life's ups and downs. The only place that I could see the issue was in the text.

[@heyheyhey40]

So sad. Why do I feel like pausing every few seconds as if I’m watching a tense moment in a horror film?

[@Rexy366]

I always watched the View religiously every morning when I get up just to see what's happening and I live in Australia Go Figure 😂😂. Sara is always my Favourite close in my Heart and I'm black Go figure😂😂 She is one of the most Empathetic Kind and always smiles when the vulnerable, minorities and not Forgetting LGBT wins she always the Biggest supporter. Sara is always trying to be the best version of herself. I know with all of that she struggles with her own self, But Sara I just wanna say we see You and we Love You with everything and we just so grateful for your Voice. Love you Sara From Sydney Australia Go Figure😂😂😂.❤❤❤❤❤...

[@MarieA787]

This is a sad story 😢

[@NKN427]

It is unknown whether Cheslie Kryst had a husband or children before she passed away

[@Michiganian8]

Can’t wait for the northern lights tonight 😊

[@C-DionneHarry]

I fault "the Texas medical center" for refusing to see realize and resolve the inconsistencies and discrepancies that r clear and present here concerning medical and psychological care that r present there at Herman memorial in the Houston texas medical center and st Luke's downtown and Ben taub general here in the medical sinner....

[@peeg09]

The sad thing is most people who become popstars & I imagine these beauty competitions. Are suffering with insecurites plus they're dealing with public opinion which can be cruel. Poor girl.

[@RMTbeccalemire]

So sad :(😥

[@marinahuizar6067]

so in other words, she is saying there was nothing that she could've done to avoid Chelsie committing suicide, since saw no signs, and she had had a firs attempt. super sad.

[@lexaneli]

The hate people give another just for the way they are born is despicable

[@NKN427]

Không biết trước khi qua đời không biết Cheslie Kryst đã có chồng con chưa

[@saintjuice11]

I had to stop watching. Heart breaking.

[@cicitran5695]

Being Human isn't easy...this Physical World is dark and depressing. Most of us(Humans) are struggling and fighting that DARKNESS(Demon) thoughts in our heads everyday, every seconds, I myself include.....😢😢👽👽🙌🙌🙌

[@ariamiller5475]

I support more uplifting black representation.

[@amazonwoman3867]

Skeptical...still

[@James-kd7dc]

Hows Trumps classified documents trial going? 😂😂 Trump is going to be your next President 🎉🎉🎉🎉

[@bec6384]

There was something weird going on in the family, especially on the mother’s side. That dad said this much when she committed suicide. It’s very weird how the mom says Cheslie practically idolized her. She’s very into herself and you can tell with all the interviews she’s done since.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

Heeeeeeere you go. Troll armchair/youtube psychologist alert!🚨

[@carlf.9035]

I agree there is something off in the dynamic and her responses here. She couldn't answer Sara when asked what would her advice be to parents, I think she mentioned try to make them feel as if it's okay to not be not okay and that there's nothing to fix. I think it takes a little more intervention than that and seriousness than that. Simply talking about things only as if you're talking about an end of year sale doesn't take care of the root problems in ones disturbing thoughts. Then she says it's okay if she doesn't live, almost following the same idea that ending a life is the response to when you experience discomfort and challenges in life.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

@@carlf.9035 yall are truly insufferable. have you ever lost a child to su*cide and spoken abt it in a live interview in which you were expected by insufferable trolls to hit every mark? I’ll wait. 🤡 Get off that pedestal,sweetheart!

[@bec6384]

@@SupernaturalLove100 her dad said this, not me.

[@bec6384]

@@carlf.9035 yes when it first happened she literally said something to the effect of her having a lot of peace because she knew Cheslie thought about her decision thoroughly and it’s something she wanted. I can’t even imagine saying that about one’s own child.

[@cynthiajones4332]

There's hope...I am the gate; whoever enters through me (Jesus/God) will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:9,10 Repent/believe Jesus loves you live 4 Him!

[@dorthymcbride3384]

Attention haters of the world wide web! You are nothing to be listened to. I pray you find empathy for others and love your neighbors, as the Bible says! Why, because we are all one!!❤

[@LR-mh8hs]

What if you have no friends?

[@ariamiller5475]

Bipolar is a bi product of continuous emotional suppression. Solution, talk to yourself about how you are feeling out loud and accept your emotions. OCD is a bi product of a comfort process triggers. Solution find a way to simplify your comfort process until it no longer becomes necessary or is less necessary.

[@user-he3op5pi6i]

They should have had Sunny or Whoopi interview her since they are all black. C'mon ABC.

[@stephaniethomas2223]

DEMONCRATS IN NEW YORK MADE HER FEEL BAD

[@jasoneaton9477]

Alot of quitters this generation in sports(osaka).. pageants.. politics..so on and so on

[@lynnesperience1872]

What makes you call them a quitter?

[@jasoneaton9477]

@@lynnesperience1872 if u cant see it. I'm not explaining it.. i cant help the blind see

[@arezooshaytoon]

Im so glad this mom chose life and is informing us all about this. We need to be aware. Thank you for this informative segment and I'm so sorry for your loss. Love to cheslie's mom. ❤

[@whoopygoldburgh5070]

Her daughters story is typical of young people these days. They value getting attention and achievements before how they treat others. When you can't put your phone down from taking selfies for 5 minutes you are pretty much an empty vessel.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

You’re pretty clearly projecting your own disdain, bitterness and resentment for young beautiful women in general onto this woman’s daughter since her mental issues had nothing to do with “getting attention and achievements” rather than constantly feeling like not enough and struggling w imposter syndrome which she stated in the book up until she passed. Do not put words into her mouth and or attempt to dictate her experience, you’ll fail every time. 🤡

[@whoopygoldburgh5070]

@@SupernaturalLove100 When you value something as superficial as a beauty pageant you are pretty shallow. Again, attention and achievements.

[@SupernaturalLove100]

@@whoopygoldburgh5070 Stop projecting, Karen.

[@user-he3op5pi6i]

I kinda agree with that but the statement is misplaced for this. Gadam 🧌

[@FreddyJong-co6cb]

Bonza living the dream 😂😂😂😂❤❤😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@tanja0411]

Also, unless someone experiences a mental illness they won’t get it, unfortunately. Even if they try. It’s not at all logical and you could be superwoman with five million achievements; it doesn’t matter. Your thinking is just off for so many reasons. When I was depressed I was 💯 convinced the only reason I had gotten good grades was because teachers felt sorry for me. Of course I know now that’s ridiculous but you could not have convinced me at the time. And we also get so good at putting on a good front for people because it’s how we had survived up to that point. It’s our MO. AND it’s really hard to get good help. People always say to reach out but they should try getting in to a GOOD counselor or psychiatrist. A good aligned one is KEY. A not great one can make things way worse, especially with the strong meds and side effects. You need to have someone really helping you with that and being an advocate and reassuring you you’ll make it and be okay. Someone to visualize you being whole and your best healthiest self. To help you not give up. Just my opinion. Thanks for this great interview. Both brilliant wonderful women. 🩵

[@BusinessBox13]

What’s helped u? I’ve been in therapy for yrs. Got a good therapist last year & just started meds. I’m so ready for the dark clouds to move out of the way.

[@user-gq3ip8kr5r]

I completely agree. It's so hard. And so few people understand 😢

[@tanja0411]

@@BusinessBox13 For me, It was a combo of so many things. I never thought I’d believe how powerful changing thought patterns would be but it’s been huge for me. It took a while and a good therapist to help shift my constant self-criticism and I also learned how to stop my spiral thinking. Also, really working on healing trauma through a therapist I really trust (and who I can laugh with, that was big) but also I do everything from energy healing to bodywork - I’ll try almost anything (not mood altering, I haven’t done that yet, no plant medicine or anything - I’m just scared to). Also, I really do have faith that there’s something bigger and benevolent connecting us all as humans. Spirituality but not religion. I’m still trying to find the right med but hoping someday to be able to get off. Also, letting go of toxic people and environments was really important and also very hard. But everytime I let a negative person go, someone better for me would come into my life. And, lastly sun, nature and walking and exercise is my real go-to when I’m not well. Feeling good in your body definitely helps. I hope that helps! My hard lesson was figuring out there was no one magic thing. But that one small step would lead to another and then the momentum would start to build. Also trying to believe that every minute you can start over - your past doesn’t define you. And you can ask for help. Even if it doesn’t come right away just having the intention to get support and help and answers really worked for me. I’m sure you’ll be GOOD soon. Little steps and have even just one person who sees you as being totally happy and healthy and whole to hold that strength for you when you don’t have it. I didn’t have anyone really in my life to do that for me so, even though it sound pathetic, I paid someone to be that person for me. And then eventually others came in for free :) It will happen for you too. Sending you lots of love!!