MST3K - A Case of Spring Fever

From the episode Squirm.
Cast:
Crow - Bill Corbett
Mike Nelson - Michael J. Nelson
Servo - Kevin Murphy
© 2008 Shout! Factory, LLC

[@s.rnohbody3068]

Zinc! Come Back Zinc!

[@ccdj504]

S.R Nohbody So the next time you're walking on the beach, enjoying an hour glass, or making cheap low grade windshields, think where you'd be, without sand!

[@pinkamenapie537]

Well Billy you wish for a world without zinc this is what you get

[@coruscant100]

Gross! He's picking his nose!

[@HylianFox3]

Oh, it was all a dream! Thank goodness I still live in a world of telephones, car batteries, handguns, and many things made of zinc!

[@RustyMuck]

Hylian Fox “GROSS! He’s picking his nose!” XD

[@FerHivore]

I can’t believe I’m defending this, but at least it’s the only educational film I’ve seen where the other characters are genuinely annoyed by the protagonist’s obsession with the subject of the video. It really should’ve ended with him getting checked into an institution and remarking that the lock to his room wouldn’t work without springs as his wife tearfully says goodbye.

[@RobotacularRoBob]

That would be hilarious. I could see Seth McFarlane or some other such person stealing your idea for a bit.

[@carl8703]

The final of the film is from the doctor: "I guess there must have a spring loose in his head!"

[@thesmileyemo]

The Simpsons had their Zinc video which is overtly a reference to this.

[@dynamicsketch]

​@thesmileyemo I always laugh at the part with the gun firing.

[@MrRyan-wu4jx]

I like how his golf buddies actively hate him.

[@mdflorida1233]

"Lots of loose soil to bury someone out here."

[@cubey]

"Guns, huh?"

[@billgalloway2]

@@cubey I had to pause and wait to stop laughing uncontrollably at this bit. This kind of line reading is why people like Mike more than Joel. Not me, of course, but some people do.

[@shamgarbrett]

This is common for engineers…

[@orionred2489]

"Spring lovin' bastard."

[@Falcovsleon21]

"Where does Coily fit into God's plan for us?"

[@dubbie17]

I'm still laughing about that... "NOOOOO SPRINNGSSS! HEHAHAHEHEHUGH"

[@patrickowens4294]

Best line lol

[@truckrobo147]

well its like the tootise pop the world will never know

[@TallSilentGuy]

Or rather, where does God fit into Coily's plan for us?

[@patrickramseyart]

That line broke me xD

[@chrisbg99]

Silent Hill really went cheap with this guy's personal hell.

[@mrcritical6751]

Pyramid Head looked very different in his teen years

[@mrcritical6751]

It looks like a deleted subplot from Pleasantville

[@KM-hv1jg]

“Do they look like springs to you?”

[@iansrife5107]

@@KM-hv1jg Few KZbin comments have made me laugh out loud, but this did it.

[@originalindigodingo]

"come back, zinc. come back.. ." I thought the Simpson's made this stuff up.

[@peterkrug2327]

I believe they spoofed this once.

[@Chiller326]

amazingly, that spoof aired before this did.

[@DrBigt]

@@Chiller326 No it didn't, this is like decades Simpsons was even made.

[@Chiller326]

@@DrBigt "this" meaning the mst3k riff which is what most people who know about the short know it from

[@ackbarfan5556]

@@Chiller326 Yeah, this riff was in the penultimate episode of the show's original run. August 1st, 1999.

[@slacknhash]

"Wait a minute, Coily, I never wished for an absence of springs! I just wished that I'd never see another spring! You could have made me selectively blind to springs! Or made these springs in the couch spring out and damage my eyes beyond repair! You suck at cruel irony!" "... um... *noooo* springs? Hee hee hee hee? ... aw, geez, Gilbert, you're right. My existence is a joke. Hand me that gun. I'm gonna check out right now!" (click) "Oh, right. *nooooo* springs... (sob)"

[@mkb7001]

underrated comment right here

[@Predator20357]

“Then go take a hammer and let me smash your head out of existence!”

[@sixgunshauna3486]

“Come back, zinc!”

[@slacknhash]

​@@sixgunshauna3486 Definitely inspired 'A World Without Zinc'. Not sure if any actual films inspired 'Sand' or 'The Moon of Earth'. Or at least, they never taught me in Bovine University...

[@defender2222]

Rod Sterling: Somewhere between here and forever a man learned that even the most innocent of wishes can result in the most terrible of nightmares. A wish that is not easily waved away. For when you make a deal with Coilly the cost is always far too high. Now Gilbert must spend eternity preaching the wonders of that seemingly happy imp. If you wish to hear the Sermon of the Spring you can find a seat on a couch that is always ready for you... in the Twilight Zone.

[@julieporter7805]

Worst. Zone episode. Ever.

[@RobotacularRoBob]

@@julieporter7805 You spelled best wrong.

[@julieporter7805]

@@RobotacularRoBob 😏😆😎 Sorry, I'm an Anti-Spring Extremist. I prefer Autumn. 😝😆😂

[@hismom5600]

Ah, Sermon of the Spring. A lesser known but classic episode 👌.

[@AJPrice-cg5ip]

"Guns, huh?" That's when I lost it.

[@PetProjects2011]

"Oooh, I'll show Coily! I'm gonna digitize everything!"

[@Lobsterwithinternet]

Said Bill Gates.

[@EverDownward]

This short is absolutely hilarious on its own. Not only does this one dope cause the apocalypse of springs, and humanity as a circumstance, but later after wishing everything back to normal there must have been some sort of unsaid stipulation because then he becomes Coiley's avatar, just constantly spewing scientific facts about the importance of springs while all of his friends are just getting more and more pissed off.

[@HylianFox3]

ironically, his buddies never asked him to go golfing with them ever again

[@originalscreenname44]

Makes sense. He found his god and now must evangelize to everyone who might listen.

[@peterkrug2327]

It really makes me wonder, back when this was first made was there a lot of people complaining about how there were too many springs and someone felt they need to make this to make people appreciate springs?

[@georgethefriend29]

@@originalscreenname44 That sounds like some Junji Ito shit. A cult so fanatically obsessed with springs they try to emulate them by twisting their bodies into coils.

[@publius9350]

@@originalscreenname44 True. No God in this world. All must worship the spring.

[@MrTommyg024]

3:33 "So Coily waited all eternity for this moment and he backs down almost instantly?"

[@beccahaines5060]

Oh look, it's Coily's Army of Darkness!

[@choosecarefully408]

Those anti-spring extremists can be quite convincing.

[@wldkrd52]

I own you fat boy is my favorite part of this bit.

[@wldkrd52]

I own you fat boy is my favorite part of this bit.

[@halfNERD17]

This must have been a rejected twilight zone episode.

[@whitelion44]

***** Or maybe a a failed Dali sculpture in the Night Gallery

[@jpollackauthor]

Surprised this hasn't been a Black Mirror plot.

[@defender2222]

Rod Sterling: Somewhere between here and forever a man learned that even the most innocent of wishes can result in the most terrible of nightmares. A wish that is not easily waved away. For when you make a deal with Coilly the cost is always far too high. Now Gilbert must spend eternity preaching the wonders of that seemingly happy imp. If you wish to hear the Sermon of the Spring you can find a seat on a couch that is always ready for you... in the Twilight Zone.

[@drhall343]

"Well I still don't have to fix the couch so eat me." That line kills me every time. 😂

[@kev3d]

I have a feeling that Golf with Spring-Loving Gilbert would be a lot like playing with Neil DeGrasse Tyson. "You see, although the ball appears solid and quite hard, it is in fact highly flexible...we call it elastic...and the club deforms the ball by pumping kinetic energy into it, enough to bounce off the club head, fly through the air, and onto the green, in accordance with Newtonian law. The green, by the way, is not actually green. It 'appears' green because green is the only color in the visible spectrum the chlorophyll in the grass does not absorb. Unless you were a bee, and could see into the ultraviolet range of the spectrum. The carbon fiber in a modern club is..." "NEIL, WE HAVE 17 MORE GODDAMNED HOLES LEFT."

[@typacsk]

See, to me that would be far less boring than regular golf ;)

[@jessicajayes8326]

Neil played football, he knows when to shut up.

[@josephpatterson985]

I didn't read this in Neil DeGrasse Tyson's voice, I read it in Jordan Peele's voice from that sketch where he imitates Neil DeGrasse Tyson. I'm now questioning if I ever even heard Neil DeGrasse Tyson speak.

[@beccahaines5060]

I'd like to see a Celebrity Deathmatch with Coily vs. Pinnochio. No Springs vs. No Strings.

[@NightAtTheOpera3]

OOH.

[@KyleRayner12]

"I could name thousands of springs." "... And I will!"

[@Maupin001]

What Gilbert never got around to discovering was that his wish to never see any springs again canceled the very concept of a coefficient of restitution - which is why no other human being is visible during the time his wish was in effect: He had killed the entire human race and was in the process of entering one of the more ironic Hells.

[@jadegecko]

Yeah... and speaking of elasticity, why didn't his pants fall down? More proof that despite cursing him, whatever god exists in this universe was still merciful to the rest of us

[@rollinlikebuer9059]

Everyone's tendons failed at once then they either shattered like a wax record or deformed like play-doh when they hit the floor. No Springs!

[@mrdropkicker1]

@@rollinlikebuer9059 Coily is a vengeful god

[@menslady125eif2590]

Rip. Tear. Expose. Horrify friends.

[@tabbygail7]

"Spring lovin bastard". Gotta find a use for that one.

[@NightAtTheOpera3]

All these years later, this is still one of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen.

[@mikezylstra7514]

For some reason I find it depressing.

[@in2ws]

Who's the spring-hater who down-voted this?!

[@beccahaines5060]

An Anti-Spring extremist!

[@davincent98]

The kid who hated zinc

[@choosecarefully408]

Sorry, but I'm an autumn. I look absolutely _terrible_ in white, bright, cool blues, greens & pinks...

[@brandonosgood4162]

Coily: “Hey! The door!” Tom Servo: “I owned your ass fat boy, get back here!”

[@NarcoBlitzXtra]

I like that when they enter the theater, Tom Servo is being carried like a baby. It makes me feel light inside!

[@PetProjects2011]

Although the real reason he's carried in is because he claims he can't hover over the air grate near the theater. I say "claims" because he's clearly hovered in on his own a few times.

[@AndorianBlues]

the real real reason is because it's much easier to have the host carry the puppet to the seat rather than puppeteer him across the screen

[@tiffanyb94]

What is this, It's A Wonderful Life with springs?

[@PetProjects2011]

"MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU WONDERFUL OLD COUCH!"

[@mkb7001]

No, It's A Wonderful Life with no springs

[@AdhamOhm]

Actually this predated "It's a Wonderful Life" by 7 years.

[@TheAdam1995]

"Try it eight more times. Maybe it'll work" Everybody's sarcastic reaction towards Fox expressing interest in making another Fantastic Four movie.

[@menslady125eif2590]

My response to Bayformers!

[@kylestubbs8867]

Our collective response to the Sharknado franchise.

[@christopherc.cooper7350]

My favorite part of this video is that the SciFi logo is still spelled correctly. SyFy my arse...

[@techboysf]

Especially after they cancelled The Expanse. Thank you, Jeff Bezos!

[@Sarkkoth]

@@techboysf Too bad their other sci-fi cancelled shows weren't as lucky. I wanted to see the end of Dark Matter.

[@techboysf]

@@Sarkkoth I liked Dark Matter OK, but wasn't up to Expanse level of awesome or budget.

[@dawnbreaker2912]

Yeah, I don't think they changed it to that until like the mid-2000's.

[@DannyBeans]

This premise has been parodied so many times that it's easy to forget it was actually done unironically once.

[@0531jos]

ME: Which character from an MST movie are you? GIRLFRIEND: Hm...Coily! I'm a lucky guy.

[@rollinlikebuer9059]

I'm pretty jealous. My girlfriend said I was Mister B Natural. :-/

[@Evertide05]

@@rollinlikebuer9059 Mr. B Natural is nobody's friend, girl or otherwise.

[@zippy5150]

Lots of loose soil to bury someone out here.

[@PetProjects2011]

HEY!

[@beccahaines5060]

GUNS, huh?

[@NCTStudio]

Gilbert: Please let me take back my wish. Coily: Well...No!

[@mrcritical6751]

Ron Sterling shows up and starts narrating about being careful what you wish for

[@kamenraider1175]

@@mrcritical6751 Rod Sterling

[@MkeKen67]

@@kamenraider1175 - Rod Serling (no "T" my friend, no "T" ! cackle cackle)

[@kamenraider1175]

@@MkeKen67 Right, sorry, I forgot I asked Teey the T Sprite to get rid of Rod Sterling's T, and never asked for forgiveness

[@katherinedanner5358]

From then on, Coily visited him nightly, until he was driven mad.

[@holbrooke7]

"Guns, huh?"

[@Bea_Esser]

"Parted his hair with a bandsaw." Gets me every time. 😂

[@malykoth]

Seriously, WHY was this short even made? Was here some kind of 'Spring Council' in the 1950's? Did they need to encourage the use of springs for economic growth or social advancement? It's exact purpose eludes me.

[@dndboy13]

it was for schools to illustrate the uses of springs and the basic principle of a spring. Very much a sort of introduction for im assuming pre-physics courses

[@525Lines]

The Spring Council paid for it.

[@PharohAmonKhanII]

"Why was this short made" he asks... FOR SCIENCE!!!!!!

[@PerfectKirby]

Given how annoyed Gilbert's golf buddies get in the second half, it might've been a parody of educational shorts from back then lol.

[@nelsondestefano3007]

Not sure about a spring council, but there is a water council

[@Bobsheaux]

Here's something creepy... Have you noticed how there are no other people around after he wishes for no springs? Apparently springs are such an integral part of modern life, that if you take them away... you take away humanity! O_O NO SPRINGS!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

[@NecroCritic]

The human body couldn't function without springs. Every organ in the human body has to expand and retract like a spring in order to function properly. Without springs, skin would tear at the slightest disturbance, muscles and tendons can't control movement, brains and nerves can't transmit information, lungs can't breathe, stomachs can't hold anything, anuses can't close, penises can't erect, vaginas would all be loose and flappy, and hearts can't pump blood. Moral of the story, don't fuck with Hooke's Law.

[@trisix99]

That means the old guy is a springless robot

[@mrcritical6751]

On the bright side though Derek Savage no longer exists

[@rollinlikebuer9059]

To be fair, he only checked as far as his living room, front stoop and driveway before giving up and kowtowing to his springy overlord..

[@debraprince4511]

"There's still butter and meatloaf". Our family still uses that line often.

[@scrungybingus285]

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YA MISERABLE OLD COUCH

[@CaptainLumpyDog]

Scrungy Bingus DUANE!!!

[@scientist_einstien02dotmdl69]

my dad sent those exact words to me on christmas.

[@jimmyjim170]

Corbett was on fire in this short, his riffs were great.

[@kmrc4ever]

"Well it's not as bad as the time I said "no muscle tone" ...never recovered from that"

[@jackattack17]

So less than five minutes in a world without springs (or more like a few situations where springs were taken away) and he is suddenly has all this knowledge about everything in the world that uses springs?

[@mrcritical6751]

Coiley possessed him in reality the man’s spirit is stuck in the springless world

[@peterkrug4124]

@@mrcritical6751 What a twist!

[@waterspout8]

I like how his golf buddies think he's a lunatic.

[@simplylogan93]

“He parted his hair with a bandsaw!” Most underrated quote of the entire episode 😆

[@TallSilentGuy]

"You said you wanted to live in a world without zinc, Jimmy!"

[@BryonYoungblood]

Crow: YEAH, TRY IT EIGHT MORE TIMES!!! MAYBE IT'LL WORK!!!!!

[@sexobscura]

the same as people who press the walk button at crossings more than once

[@remixchild]

Ikr

[@motherlove202]

Or the ones who press the elevator button although it's already lit

[@drewreed4657]

Worst black mirror episode ever.

[@robrophside3691]

*best

[@jeffreygunn3150]

About 8 years ago I showed this short to a friend who’d never seen MST3K and to this day he still quotes this one. “No springs! Whee whoo!”

[@yaosio]

I'm Slurry the KZbin comment. I heard your wish that KZbin comments were gone forever, and well, you're gonna get it! No more KZbin comments for you! What, why isn't anybody mad?

[@charleskunz3063]

How does Coily fit into God’s plan for us? Is one of the best MST3K lines.

[@petrifiedtoaster8572]

To this day, I often say "Merry Christmas ya wonderful couch!" on occasion.

[@kahlesstheunforgettable9136]

Jim Handy: producing childhood-ruining, memory- blocking, development-warping, good, old- fashioned nightmare fuel since 1941.

[@AdhamOhm]

3:11 Always loved Crow's reaction to the giant head on the screen.

[@PatTheBatmanFan]

This is one of the most glorious creations in the history of mankind.

[@wldkrd52]

Thank you 52 drinks in 8:09 min.

[@georgeorwell4534]

"YEAH, TRY IT EIGHT MORE TIMES, MAYBE IT'LL WORK!!!"

[@PharohAmonKhanII]

Well, in the moral tradition of "A Christmas Carol" and "It's a Wonderful Life", here's "Spring Fever". Be careful what you wish for, and be thankful for what you have, because you never know when some sprite or spirit will come and take it away...

[@tedbishop567]

"Honey, get the swatter!"

[@Shane_Murphy_Hendrickson]

“No springs!”

[@kevinblount7142]

I just realized something: The heart functions like a spring. Gilbert’s wish made him the biggest mass-murderer EVER!

[@mrcritical6751]

That would explain why everybody around him disappears as soon as he makes the wish

[@Charlesmcoburn]

I love how literally all of the examples given in this short have been replaced by better machines that don't use springs. Coily is a homeless junkie now.

[@mrcritical6751]

Noooooooo job

[@carl8703]

Solid state is so much more reliable. THAT'S RIGHT COILY, YOU HEARD ME!

[@mikezylstra7514]

I don't ever remember seeing anybody repairing springs on a couch. They aren't poor and don't live in a cheap starter home either. Odd concept movie but Jam Handy made movies dealing with just about everything.

[@Kitsco45]

“Oh you just about nailed me in the crotch there Steve!”

[@Nightfall95]

That destroys me each time I watch it!

[@belot217]

Coiley, Mr. B, the bread salesmen angel and devil, what is it with these cosmic educational films?

[@rollinlikebuer9059]

The pantheon of lesser deities.

[@mkb7001]

@@rollinlikebuer9059 Small Gods season 0

[@1TrueJuliet]

You watch enough of these, you start getting in the mood to join in.

[@UltimateOmegaRed]

Rumor has it... he's still prattling on about springs!

[@mrcritical6751]

Him on his deathbed Wife: oh Gilbert, I’m afraid the tumour was just too large to be removed Gilbert: as shucks well y’know they couldn’t have even checked it if it weren’t for the springs in the CAT scanner, the true heroes of the hospital

[@jonathanaarhus224]

I love when the things on the screen are so absurd that they just start giggling a little.

[@MythicSuns]

Wait, wouldn't "Coily" have seriously injured and potentially killed a whole bunch of people on the planet by suddenly removing all springs? Think of all the planes and cars that crashed when that bastard removed the springs needed for things like the pedals on a car or the landing gear on a plane, all because some overweight guy was moaning about the springs in his sofa.

[@AsYourCruiseDirector]

“Murry Chrishmush, you wonderful old couch!”

[@TerrenceNowicki]

I used the music from this short for my final film project in my video class at graphic design school. It was called "Tools For Good Studying," and it was about a student (played by my roommate) being relentlessly pursued and bossed around by an authoritative disembodied narrator giving him terrible advice and forcing him to follow it.

[@03bgood]

The Looney Tunes part always cracks me up!

[@kevin2400]

It’s in my head pretty much everyday and I laugh to myself

[@KarlBaron]

Jam Handy: Reminds you to keep your preserves in a convenient place!

[@SMAXZO]

Zinc..come back! Zinc! Zinc!

[@adamlibertoski1460]

“So Coily waited all of eternity for this moment and he backs down almost immediately?”

[@marshmallowbudgie]

2:37 actually good acting/props setup showing the car no longer has shocks

[@favoritemustard3542]

It's just too bad he didn't sink down into the seat ;)

[@gabbybardon-symanns3026]

No springs. I don't care. At least there's still butter and meatloaf.

[@kylestubbs8867]

“Let me rephrase that. I never want to see another spring _sprite_ as long as I live!”

[@TheStapleGunKid]

But then you would have to deal with the spring sprite's sprite saying "no spring sprite" all the time.

[@kylestubbs8867]

Still worth it.

[@JakeRanney]

"Come back, springs! Come back!" Gilbert has learned his lesson and pleads for his wish for a world completely devoid of springs to be reversed. Coily, a malevolent god, cares not for his underling's grievances and leaves him to rot in this spiralless universe that which he has brought upon himself. Gilbert, utterly devastated by Coily's inhumane punishment, reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out his .38 Special revolver. "Goodbye, cruel world," he mutters as he places the tip of the gun's barrel on his temple and pulls the trigger. Click. He inspects his weapon before attempting to take his own life once more. Click. Dread flows through his body and soul as the evil pixie taunts him forever more. "No springs!"

[@seymorekeester5801]

Coily's army of darkness.

[@tf2whackyengineer]

They saved the best riff for last.

[@silvereagle2061]

No kid today will EVER understand the rotary phone thing.

[@jadegecko]

His friends are silently dreading when he learns about shear load and bending moment diagrams

[@mdflorida1233]

"Where does Coily fit into god's plan for us?"

[@RichardX1]

Has anyone ever noticed that Coily's "No springs!" whistle sounds kind of like a less-synthesized version of the "hop on Yoshi's back" sound from Super Mario World?

[@holbrooke7]

Sufficient springs!

[@ferd617]

Happy first day of no-spring!

[@92days]

I saw them do this in Minneapolis at rifftrax live last year. Worth the flight just to see it in person.

[@duanebarry2817]

Well, I'll never again take springs for granted.

[@Kitsco45]

Whenever I watch is a wonderful life I alway always always must remind my bf "Merry Christmas you wonderful ol' couch!"

[@stereosaur]

"Spring loving bastard!"

[@saucers79]

Early propaganda from Big Spring.

[@alexthompson9516]

saucers79 Just more strident pro-spring rhetoric.

[@jessicajayes8326]

Where does Coily fit into God's plan for us?

[@caliscribe2120]

I, for one, will never take springs for granted again. Amen.

[@werewolf74]

He's like the engineering version of a vegan ...

[@medalion1390]

“No meat! Tee-Hee-Hee!”

[@downsouth420]

Was anyone else expecting the friends to strangle the guy Godfather style when they gave each other the thumbs up at the detour?

[@TerrenceNowicki]

"Guns, huh?" lol

[@Lunar_Atronach]

And then they found the guy years later coiled up and broken in a wooden tub as he tried to morph his body into a spring

[@TheDeathclawhunter]

omg i get it!!

[@davidwiseman7891]

This short was supposed to air in season 3. In fact, the host segment where Crow plays the whimsical waffle who shows Servo a world without waffles was based on this short, according to Bill Corbett. Bill may have joined late in the series, but he had the funniest riffs,and his Crow was just ad funny as Trace's(he also has the best riffs for Rifftrax).

[@mimesis]

+David Wiseman A "Simpsons" episode featured an old instructional film about a world without zinc...must be a direct descendant of this.

[@MkeKen67]

The "Mikey the Mike Sprite" skit (later in the episode) is pretty funny, too.

[@guilmon182]

I'm pretty sure the voice of Coily is also the voice of the paper bag in "Paper and I".

[@gradeacontent-o1751]

the real lesson here is not to take generous sniffs of the caulking gun when working on furniture

[@kev3d]

I don't blame Gilbert in the beginning. I hate springs too. It's difficult to pin down exactly when I started hating springs but it probably goes back to the time when springs killed my dad.

[@PokeDude011]

Coily for Super Smash Bros 5

[@davincent98]

The probably put him in before Waluigi

[@HylianFox3]

there is a Spring Man assist trophy, that's about as close as we'll get in fact, I think I will call him "Coily" from now on (and that's Spring Man from ARMs, not Spring Man from Mega Man 7)

[@BlueBoy0]

3:35 "Coily waited all eternity for this moment and he backs down almost instantly?" Reminds me of Dormammu...

[@artistwithouttalent]

In fairness we don't know how many times they went through the loop. Plus imagine it from his perspective: some insect not normally worth the trouble to think about brings some glowing necklace into your house and now you can't kill it because it keeps coming back to life.

[@mikesilva3868]

Hilarious episode of mst3k great riffing and good host segments 😂