My 5+ Year Long Struggle with Anorexia

[@alexisfuller1503]

You're very well spoken for your young age and hold yourself in a mature way. My heart aches knowing at such a young age you went through that. I didn't think someone as young as 6 could get those ideas into their head. I wonder if its because of media or something, like where could a 6 year old come up with the idea of starvation and wanting to be that skinny. When I was 6, weight never crossed my mind. Did your family ever comment about your weight or were you around adults who talked about their own weight when you were 6? I just wonder how you made the connection "skinny = likeable" so young I struggled with anorexia from ages 13 - 18 so I relate to your story even though I was older than you when mine happened, but it lasted 5 years for me too

[@sarahbaciu]

I appreciate your empathy, and I am sorry you struggled for so long as well. To answer your question, I did hear comments that my family made towards other people and towards themselves, which heavily impacted me.

[@esjamison]

@@sarahbaciu For sure, somehow the mind internalizes their thoughts and comments. It's like the eating disorder takes those statements and runs with them. Convincing us that we must follow along with what was said so no one else would perceive us in a way that our parents perceive others.

[@sarahbaciu]

@@esjamison Perfectly said

[@lemondedetr]

Seeing this from the perspective of a psychologist, you nailed it. So wholesome and brave to put it out there. Proud of you.

[@sarahbaciu]

@@lemondedetr Awww thank you so much!!

[@lemondedetr]

@@sarahbaciu You are more than welcome. Creating a safe space being able to communicate effectively, allowing people to resemble yourself along the way.... it is hard, and it is brave to do. You sure deserve every compliment it is given to your bravest self.

[@subliminalzzz]

This is so fucking beautiful. We have almost the same story, im also 15 and went into recovery at the beginning of this year. you described the experience perfectly. I aspire to be as emotionally mature as you. I really enjoyed this video

[@djuniwersalcziken]

wow me too!!

[@sarahbaciu]

@@subliminalzzz Thank you so much for your support! I hope that the video helped you and that you are doing well! ❤️❤️

[@Sammy_Sam-0]

I remember how scary it was when I got told I wasn’t able to cook anymore, even though it sounds stupid cooking was a comfort for me and having that comfort stripped from me was one of the hardest parts of recovery (even though I know it was for the best I still wish I had been allowed to keep cooking)

[@sarahbaciu]

There are a lot of things we do when struggling that bring the Eating Disorder comfort, more than it does us. I am proud of you!! I hope you are doing better.

[@samantha.brauch.]

I am 36 years old and still struggle with my body . I got my period when I was 12 . And I looked around the room and I felt like the fattest person in the room which was not the case . I’ve never had an eating disorder but have been tempted. In high school these two girls who I thought had the perfect body . And I wanted to be like them . But as an adult I know I can’t get my little girl figure back . And I have to learn to love myself.

[@MarianaLOGEN]

so well spoken and mature yound lady. i do not know you but im so proud. To speak so well, handle life so maturly , and also share that to the world to help others. you are an amazing person and i wish you hapiness for the rest of your life little princess :))

[@madeleinebergvik4095]

Thank you so much for sharing your story and experiences. It will help me struggling to get one of my family member healed from this horrible mental discease. You are strong, brave, beautiful and most of all blessed.🙏💝 Thank you again! 🤗

[@sarahbaciu]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm praying for your struggling family member ❤

[@madeleinebergvik4095]

@@sarahbaciu thank you! God bless you! 🙏♥️

[@ovidiupopescu3073]

I appreciate your maturity and the coherence of your speech and I was completely surprised by the feelings and "obsessions" you experienced from such a young age. I'm glad that in the end, you managed to overcome these challenges and that you were able to realize what is really good for you!. Congratulations and if you take advice from a parent, never forget that the best, honest and caring friends, without hidden interests will always be your parents!. I'm glad I got to know your story and you reconfirmed what I already knew, that we are unique, each with our experiences, obsessions, fears and finally with our defeats and victories!. Congratulations!.

[@sarahbaciu]

Thank you so much for your kindness! You are amazing

[@laurie2715]

Sarah , I have been watching many videos researching how to help a loved one , your story and recovery is so very helpful ! It is encouraging that you are recovering and living a joyful life again ! 🌿🙏❤️

[@ziggytheduke]

I came for the emanciated pics. But after seeing the video I don't want to relapse anymore. It was surprisingly informative. You did a great job unraveling the why's and how's of an eating disorder.

[@zoesoup]

im so glad you're in a better place now! you are clearly a lovely soul and so well spoken, and i appreciate how you were able to cover this topic in such a way that it's not triggering for anyone watching who might be having a hard time. sending love

[@notanexploreranimations1218]

ur literally SO GORGEOUS like genuinely so don't ever think of yourself as ugly :) ur story moved me a lot and it really resonates with me

[@djuniwersalcziken]

HI! i cant believe out stories are so similar!!! My ed also started in 2021 when I was 12 and I got my period for the first and last time on May 25th. My parents noticed just like yours and after I gained their trust I relapsed in 2022, was in a failed forced recovery, relapsed again in 2023 when I finally got caught in may this year and sent to the hospital. Now im still in forced recovery and not commited to it, but I'm realising I have so much ahead of me I have to. Its hard for me cuz I have to drink a suplement everyday which makes my disorder mad and punsihes me for it by overexercising. I'm trying to fight through and wish you the same as well. I actually got my first few drops of period blood this month and I'm so proud of myself, since I dream of having my own family when I grow up. This disorder is a devil, but we can't let him control us :)

[@sarahbaciu]

@@djuniwersalcziken Wow! This is incredible. I’m so glad that you are realizing that recovery is worth it. It’s where the biggest shift happens, in my opinion. It’s amazing that you got some drops too!! I also hope to have my own family one day! Wishing you all the best!

[@MarianaLOGEN]

so well spoken and mature yound lady. i do not know you but im so proud/ To speak so well, handle life so matuly , and also share that to the world to help thers. you are an amazing person and i wish you hapiness for the rest of your life little princess :))

[@thepeacechannel7083]

You are such a sweet person and so well spoken! This was an excellent and informative video. Well done!

[@ChonkBonkLonk]

As someone who is currently waiting on treatment for an ed and struggling everyday this makes me feel so seen. I am not far in age from you and i know i need to recover but everyday it becomes harder to choose it. My family is tired of my ed and I’m so tired of myself. Im going to keep trying

[@sarahbaciu]

I am sorry that you are going through this. I totally understand what it is like for you and your family to be tired and hurt by your ED. I hope that you can find the strength in you to recover. I know it is hard, but you have to survive through recovery to be able to thrive later.

[@ChonkBonkLonk]

@@sarahbaciu I’m very happy to say that I feel better from when i made this comment. I see my doctor in 2 days and I’m ready to tell the truth even though it’s so hard. I need to recover and If I don’t help myself do that then I will never be able to fully. Im hanging on right now but I think it’s going to be ok.

[@arielrubel3954]

Thank you so much for sharing your story Sarah!! I'm sure this helped so many people feel understood :) I'm so glad you were able to recover and I'm so sorry you went through this so young. Wishing you the best

[@sarahbaciu]

Thank you so much!

[@kenz.aldc11]

I love this so much!! you are so strong and so so beautiful and i’m so proud of you. keep working hard ❤

[@sarahbaciu]

@@kenz.aldc11 Thank you!!

[@melisogut7665]

feels so good to know that somebody my age has gone through the same things :) thanks for the share, it was really nice to hear your mature opinion :)

[@samantha.brauch.]

I am a 36 year old woman who still struggles with body image. I was totally body positive until I got my period at age 12. I looked around the room and thought I was the fastest person in the room which i know was not the case . In high school there were these two girls who I thought at the time had the perfect bodies. Even though I’ve never had an eating disorder I have been tempted many times. Now as an adult I’m learning to love myself and my body. It’s not always easy but I do it .

[@sarahbaciu]

It's so unfortunate to know that so many women have issues with the way their bodies look. You deserve the ability to AT LEAST accept your body. Remember that there really is no such thing as a perfect body. The idea of "perfect" is different to everyone and it changes often too. Wishing you luck and strength xx

[@AbrianaArteaga-l2l]

Thank you so much for sharing your story!!💟

[@theaizere]

You are really cool. Keep on glowing amd growing! Cheers :)

[@GalateaHidalgo]

Amazing video! So glad you’re in recovery

[@roosasyrja3028]

this is super informative and i think this would help people actually😚 u are super pretty also💗

[@sarahbaciu]

Awww thank you!! You are so kind

[@lottistar4912]

this video it’s such a masterpiece

[@LucyJSweets]

This is so sad but lovely to hear your story as a transwoman who is now 18, I have struggled with anorexia since I was 12 developed as othorexia then developed into the blasted anorexia and am still struggling to this day, I know for me it's because of the "societal rules around weight and diets" as a 2000's child diets and the dreaded slimming world were and still are rife in today's soceity, luckily I don't listen much to those rules anymore, but the long term effects of people around me even from a young age saying about others or me oh you "lost so much weight, wish i could" or the classic "oh gonna be a bit naughty having these crips (still sticks with me to this day so I have not had crisps since I developed orthorexia/anorexia) it sucks, but now looking into recovery, slowly and steadily so it doesn't overwhelm me starting with identifying my triggers and my fear foods to challenge and am so happy to be back on the recovery train hopefully to end the thoughts for good

[@sarahbaciu]

Choosing recovery is the most important part. You can do this. Remember, even if the thoughts don't go away for some time, it doesn't mean you are failing! What is important is that you don't let the thoughts control you! When your thoughts tell you that crisps are bad, you have to try to eat them anyway!

[@Seas-Fashions]

The reason why I’m crying is because i believe I have a long term eating disorder as well as anxiety and depression but I tried to bring depression and anxiety up to my mother and she pushed it down to the point that I broke down right after I got into my room I can’t even explain my reasons because for 4 years I’ve been going to school with a belt or piece of fabric around my stomach as tight as I could pull it and before that all I wanted to do was die and my 2 thoughts that were and still are going through my head is that if I’m skinny I’ll be better and if I hide it all I’ll be better for context I was never a skinny kid I was known for my looks because of my child face and long wavy blonde hair but I have always surrounded myself around the same friends and in my brain they look down on me and they are much skinnier and I wish I was them and it’s gotten to the point that other than the stuff I force myself to wear I also excersise constantly I struggle to lay in bed and it’s gotten to the point that I’ve found myself waking up on my floor because I could even get up my body was so weak. Another thing that makes this worse is I’m sick constantly and I know why (my sugars and energy levels) but I can’t bring myself to say this and every time I’m sick I can’t walk and when I’m sick it gets to the point that I can’t even swallow medicine because of the tightness in my chest and how droopy I feel and I just can’t breath even. So when I watch stuff like this I’m sucking in my chest and whenever I hear the words I’m here for you I understand all I can think is no you don’t I don’t even understand you can’t put yourself I’m my shoes they would kill somebody and it’s the point that I’ve thought of just going tot he health clinic and getting checked out but then my body tells me no your just overthinking it and your fine just keep saying your fine and everything will be okay

[@sarahbaciu]

I'm sorry you are going through something so hard. And I understand that I will probably never feel that way and, therefore, cannot completely understand. I hope you can accept the support from those who say they are there for you because even though they might not understand, their intentions are probably only to help you in whichever way they know how to. Most people who have not struggled with their mental health probably don't know what is best to say. If want to begin recovery, I would advice you tell someone trusted that you are struggling, and then allow them to support you as you take action towards your recovery.

[@smile4ever929]

Wow I can't explain how much I related to you're video Sarah,im also a fifteen year old girl and I would love to be you're friend, you seem like such a sweet and kind person and I also would like to be a doctor.. Thank so much for sharing you're story and I wish you the best.💕

[@sarahbaciu]

Awww! You also seem so sweet! I hope you are doing well! ❤

[@abaslesregimes.sarahb.8366]

Great video ! Nice editing !

[@hhh._jjjr]

My first ed was in 2020 when I was 12 , it got soo bad I had to go to the hospital it nearly killed me , I started recovery about November 2020 but I never had a fully healthy relationship with food , last summer I started gating in to my unhealthy eating disorder habits again and I lost a lot of weight, by the end of the summer the beginning of August my parents noticed I tried to deny it I couldn’t so I confused and I tried to convince myself to stop, but when I noticed that I lost weight and sow my before and after pictures I couldn’t so by the start of the school year I started getting into even worst habit and since then it’s been 5 weeks instead of gaining weight I lost weight and I keep gating back and forth with the I want to recover and no I don’t but now all my clothes don’t fit me even the leggings and nothing looks good on me am trying to convince myself that I need to recover but it’s hard. And thank you soo much I loved you’re video it really helped me and I hope you do well on your journey 💗💗💗💗

[@sarahbaciu]

I am sorry you are going through something so challenging and have been for a very long time. One of my biggest pieces of advice for recovery is that a life with an Eating Disorder is much scarier than a much shorter-term recovery. I don't know anyone in person or online who ever felt "ready" to recover. But I have also met NO ONE who regrets it. Of course, that includes myself! I NEVER thought that I would be here. I hope you realize that you can do what seems impossible. I wish you luck and strength ❤

[@hhh._jjjr]

@@sarahbaciu thank you that was very motivating I’m trying to do better today 🤍

[@sarahbaciu]

@@hhh._jjjr you’ve GOT THIS!!! It is possible!!

[@Lynn010]

2:22 this question really made me realise there’s actually no good reason for all of my ED habits ..

[@sarahbaciu]

I am not a professional, so I cannot be certain. However, I have had a professional say it to me: if you are willing to hurt yourself so much, there is a purpose deeper than just the way you look. The reason could be something completely different from what you see in my video and that's ok! It also might take some time to find out this deeper reason which was most certainly the case for me. However, everyone is different and on their own journeys, so I cannot speak for everyone.

[@BooBakke-s9f]

Thank you so much for your beautiful story! Thank you for sharing. I'm a Mom of an almost 15 year old daughter who struggles with anorexia. Do you think what your parents took away from you helped you? Anything else you can think of that helped you decide to recover? My daughter doesn't see the need for recovery yet. Thank you so much for helping all of us out here!

[@sarahbaciu]

I'm so sorry that your daughter is going through that. I understand that an ED can truly take a toll on all members of the family. I would say that the things my parents did made me a little bit more motivated to get through to the end of recovery. However, I wouldn't say that it was the most essential part. The essential part is finding the desire to recover within yourself. I understand that is probably not your favourite answer as your daughter does not see the need to recover. However, I recommend that you ask her why she wants to hold onto her ED. Is it so she can feel validated? A sense of control? A distraction? If you help her become aware of the deeper reasons, she may have more ease rising above it. Also, definitely refrain from making comments on her body like "you are too skinny". Instead, tell her that what she is doing is detrimental to her health. If she begins to recover, even then, don't make comments on her body, even if they are positive. Wishing you all the best❤

[@itss.ireenne3031]

Nowadays the social media is a very triggering, it happened the same to me. In fact, i developped a cause of it, i dont think people is conscience of what they are showing…

[@sarahbaciu]

I totally agree. Lately, I've realized how quickly "norms" and expectations have changed online, and how they keep changing so often. We have to stop falling for the traps to change ourselves because it will never be enough according to social media

[@mayabishop3964]

[@Horrorzeit]

yeah you are still super skinny

[@esjamison]

Hey!! Let's not post this babe! Thanks :)

[@alexandrina2485]

WARUM kommentiert man sowas? 1. Ist das super triggernd für sie und 2. Hat sie doch gesagt, dass sie noch zunimmt?! Lass doch ein junges Mädchen in Ruhe heilen, ohne, ihren Körper zu kommentieren

[@sarahbaciu]

The world wasn't built in one day!

[@KeanaWilliams-m5u]

Ew get a life

[@Hweartsaw]

Schämst du dich nicht? Die ist si viel jünger aber verhandelt sich viel älter und schlauer

[@deadgingerbread]

this was such a well articulated video… i’ve never felt so proud of a stranger on the internet. 🩷 not only are you glowing and beautiful, i just know from this how sweet, kind of a person you are and that you have a lovely personality. you have so much to offer to this world, you radiate so much joy and i hope life only gets better for you from here. don’t ever forget that you deserve a happy life. ❤

[@sarahbaciu]

You are so kind!! Thank you so much! I hope you can offer the same words to yourself! xx