My Eating Disorder Story (Anorexia Nervosa) ✨ // Emily's Recovery

[@margaretrangel7223]

Mine started with my obsession of eating disorders. My family made a lot of comments telling me I was looking big and needed to lose weight. I was so hurt that I wanted to look sick just so no one would ever say anything again. I thought I had control of it. Almost like I was faking anorexia. Until I realized that I wasn’t in control anymore and couldn’t stop. I realized I was using it to cope and to feel like I had something to control and that it was no longer “an act”.

[@muffinworld9096]

This is so weird because I feel exactly the same way right now with the whole “I have eating disorder thoughts but not acting on them” because I know if I restrict I won’t be able to concentrate on exams and I need to do well but as soon as I finish exams I’m going to restrict. And you’ve rlly inspired me cause I’m in this whole mindset of “I have to be really skinny so people notice I need help and help me without me having to ask” and not feeling worthy enough of help because I’m not acting on my thoughts. But it’s so difficult ugh anyway this is a really helpful video Tysm :) 💕💕 sending love 💕

[@EmilysJourney]

It’s so tricky but you can be in recovery from just a few negative thoughts, it’s not something you should have to live with and acting upon them only makes it harder 💓Well done, keep fighting I’m really glad to hear that I helped so thank you 🙈

[@katiewhittaker3326]

Muffin world!!! Omg! That’s so me! I think I have ED and iv had thoughts for 3 years but I’m a runner and I’m really scared of losing weight in case I can’t train and I can’t get help cuz I’m scared everyone will make fun of my because I’m in a normal weight 😞

[@EmilysJourney]

Try not to get too caught up on what others think and also what you look like, you’ll soon come to realise that it doesn’t matter and that all that you should focus on is being healthy physically and mentally because that’s what matters 💓 By working on looking after yourself you’ll treat your body well and also you’ll feel better mentally about it all :)

[@emilyjames3110]

@@EmilysJourney was it hard to start eating . Or starting anorexia

[@calamityandcoffee1246]

this is the most. relatable ana video i have watched and i'm so grateful for you sharing your story

[@MsChocolatChipCookie]

I literally relate to 99% of this video wtf

[@mocheerio]

i actually relate to your eating disorder more than anybody elses. it was kinda like i knew about anorexia its just i never caught myself acting on it until it got really bad. but im on the road to recovery and i wish you luck on your recovery as well

[@emmyennit]

This was a very comforting video to listen to, I started off the exact same. Some days I am completely fine with eating and honouring my hunger but other days I would get back into the obsession of losing weight. My body dysmorphia has never been worse and as a 19 year old it's so much harder to deal with food since you're responsible for your own doctors appointments and your own eating not like when I was a kid and I would have my meals made for me. My mindset keeps juggling between wanting to recover and wanting to get sicker and I can literally stand in the kitchen staring into the cupboard for 30 minutes trying to justify my decision on whether or not I eat something. In school I always thought i'd never use math in real life but here I am !

[@bm_snow]

I can really relate. People don't tend to comprehend the complexity of the illness. You're doing great!. Keep going! xoxo

[@calamityandcoffee1246]

i relate to being used to being naturally thin and once that begins to change it triggering you, i have always thought i was the only one with this story but yours being so similar has motivated me to try and change things

[@lialavalva6818]

you don’t know how much this helped me. i’m in recovery from severe anorexia, and your story is almost identical to mine ♥️ It has been so hard lately for me because i was never hospitalized, so i didn’t feel valid or “sick enough.” I was 3 days away from hospitalization, and hearing someone else with the same situation is life saving for me! thank you so so so so so much

[@filizmely]

Wow thanks for telling your story. Before my ED actually started I also 'wanted to be anorexic' and I feel like this is such a tabu topic in the recoverx community so thank you! Now I feel less embarrassed about my own story

[@emmalau7555]

tbh watching this video made me realize that i’m not alone in this. thankyou

[@muzainahsaffdar5553]

I relate to this very much because when I was 12, I definitely had an eating disorder, eating 400kcal a day but I never got that underweight and because I stateed losing weight healthily nobody suspected. It was also because u had a wide frame so nobody knew my ribs were visible. My mum kept in trying to get me to eat and started making me bake but I never ate the food I baked until one day and I progressively developed a binge eating disorder and then got normal but unhealthy diet back. I'm 14 now and I have been wanting to get back to my underweight state for a year now and I have started decreasing my calories again. I've sadly had dark thoughts and struggle with self harm(but I haven done it a few weeks now) so i sometimes dont even get scared by the idea that its life threatening.

[@marleywest7314]

I had to recover on my own with my friend’s help because my mom didn’t recognize what was happening. I’m two years into recovery and I still have bad days and good days and it’s hard, but I’m so proud of your recovery!

[@cherrypie3453]

I don’t want to say ‘oh I understand I’ve been through this’ or ‘a family member had it’ because that’s not true. I don’t understand what it’s like at all, but I do know it’s hard to overcome something like mental health. I have really bad anxiety and depression and I’m with CAMHS too for that and I know it’s really hard to overcome. You’re never alone and there is no category for any illness, never be scared to reach out for help if you feel you need it. You’re amazing 💗💗💗

[@isabellapagani2223]

Wow thank you so much for sharing how you would go for months eating and then act on the disordered thoughts again. Since I was 10 I would go short periods of time of hardly eating anything, then I would choose to “recover” for a few months, and the cycle would repeat. I don’t feel sick enough to tell someone about what’s going on, bc it’s got so so so much worse, and I’m scared to recover.

[@chii_lisa]

I love how you put this in words that describes the illness so well! I recognize so much from my own thoughts with this ♥︎

[@Sineadbrazil]

this is an amazing video and your story about how you would look up how to be anorexic is unfortunately very common. Just from having mental health problems nd being on tumblr and instagram there are huge communities of people who encourage self harm and eating disorders and its so harmful. youre very strong and i love your videos

[@ellagregory1842]

I know this video was made a while ago but I have so much respect for you. you went about this video in such a mature way when a lot of others wouldn't, you said it how it was and for such a long time ive been thinking I was misdiagnosed simply because I had so many food thoughts like eating all my craving and shoving food into my face the day before id plan to relapse, and it honestly makes me feel so much better you've experinced this to as I thought I was the only one on the planet. you've come so far since this video with you're relationship with food and you overall look SO much happier like your face glows so much more in you're recent videos, keep fighting, you're amazing xo

[@katiejanoska3900]

I absolutely love this. I just talked to my doctor about my eating disorder finally and I am so happy to have reached out for help❤️

[@EmilysJourney]

That’s amazing well done, so happy I my video could help a little it gets easier from here keep fighting ❤️

[@alicetulissio7965]

Thank you for this💓the thing I most struggle with is feeling like I was never ill enough. I hope you’re doing well x

[@EmilysJourney]

It’s a horrible feeling, Unfortunately it’s what most people struggle with which is really sad 😌But remember that’s partly your illness still trying to get to you again, I used to get that all the time but now I’m healthy again and back to a normal lifestyle I realise that even when I didn’t loose any weight, mentally I was in an awful place and that’s just as bad 💞

[@silveronyxgirl]

Your strength is inspiring me to recover too, you've done amazing so far. Keep going and keep sharing the love ❤️

[@EmilysJourney]

Thank you so much and I'm really happy to hear that, you've got this ❤️

[@molly9098]

I have never been able to relate to a video as much as this! Thank you so much you have made me feel slightly less lonely! Thank you so much! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[@EmilysJourney]

Aww I'm really glad to hear that thank you ❤️❤️❤️

[@molly9098]

Thank you for replying! I just came out of hospital yesterday and still don’t want to get better but I really don’t want to go to a unit, so I am trying to eat in order to stay at home from now on! I am always searching ‘how to be anorexic’ and feel awful doing it but I still just never feel like I am good enough! Thank you again for sharing your story! Xxxxxxxxxx

[@graceemily8353]

Inspiring story Emily, it’s great too see someone sharing the real side of an eating disorder! ❤️

[@NataliaGrindlay]

I don't know I'm at this beginning stage where I'm so unhappy in my body and want nothing more than to be thinner. But I relate to you how for years people couldn't tell because I'll be hungry for days but then eat whatever I want so it kind of just equaled out so I appeared the same but as I'm getting older it's getting so hard. And I suffer from severe scoliosis so I consistently have had doctors talking about my body, examining it, and making comments on it since I was 10. Now whenever I hear these comments it sticks with me and doesn't leave. But visibly I look normal but my mind is never at ease and I'm so so sick of this feeling.

[@jaeghh]

When u said u just wanted to receive the weight loss aspect of anorexia I couldn’t have related any more

[@khaddy427]

thanks for sharing you´re story :) it´s really a problem that so many don´t get help, because they don´t fit a typical picture of a diagnosis..., i find that very sad, because there are so many people who think that they don't deserve help anyways... i find it very very strong of you that you insisted, that you need help. i´m not good at that, and give up if someone does not see how i feel and that i need help... and in situations like this, i´m thinking; i need to be "more" ill, that they can see and help me..., but i´m aware that this is not my voice, but the eating disorder one... because of you, i will try that again. :) thank you very much, lovely greetings (sry for my bad english...)

[@EmilysJourney]

Khaddy Phiebi Exactly ❤️It's so glad you realise that, don't give up even if you weren't physically ill you don't deserve to suffer mentally x

[@rosyhiscocks2738]

Much love for you girl 💕 also your cardigans super cute just wondered where you got it from ??? X

[@EmilysJourney]

Aww thank you, it was actually Primark not too long ago 💞💞

[@rosyhiscocks2738]

Ohhh ty ill see if i can find one xx

[@lacey_xoxo2283]

Hi Emily :) I’m I’m 14 and 71 pounds and I’ve been called fat and I’ve been told not to eat for basically 8 years of my life, these 3 months has been weird...I’ve been eating so much less that my parents get mad at me for not wanting food, I’ve chucked out all my junk food that was in my room and only been eating fruit, right now I’m not to concerned but my parents are. Sorry for rambling but ur so gorgeous and just so strong to be able to tell ur story xx

[@EmilysJourney]

Thank you my love and try not to worry just ease yourself back into eating what you want now what you think you should be eating to necessarily loose weight, I can see why they're concerned try and change your mindset before it progresses more your body needs a bit of everything and that's what healthy is :)

[@lacey_xoxo2283]

Emily's Recovery Thanks beautiful xxx I was just diagnosed with anorexia not long ago as my parents told my psychologist which said it all, I’m slowly starting to try and eat healthy food ❤️👍🏻

[@EmilysJourney]

It's good that you've got help, make the most of it even if it doesn't seem like a positive thing at the moment well done for trying it's amazing that you are you're already half way there, it will get easier :) x

[@robertsimon-sween2673]

our stories our literally the exact same

[@MsShakeitup22]

Hi! I just wanted to thank you so much for sharing your story with us! ❤️ You are very beautiful and strong and inspirational. And you also make me feel kind of understood and a bit better because I am also about to get help yet I kind of want to loose more weight until then because I feel like I'm not light enough or I feel like I should starve for longer because I have never gone days without eating and therefore I feel like I am not really sick so I don't really need or deserve help. I do want to be happy again though. However, I am just extremely scared. Scared of the weight gain itself but also scared of not being able to stop eating once I stop restricting. And I can also relate to the looking up how to become anorexic part. But you are very inspirational to me! Thank you again and I am glad you are doing so much better ❤️❤️

[@EmilysJourney]

Thank you so much, please know that's your eating disorder and speaking not you, take it easy and be kind to yourself and let people help you through it I promise things will get so much easier ❤️

[@MsShakeitup22]

Emily's Recovery Thank you Emily ❤️

[@Aub9]

86k views proves this video wasnt boring or sh**. Thanks for sharing "massively" beautiful Emily.

[@富岡忠宏]

And I can relate to your experience. I had the urge, too. And I had no idea back then that I had both paternal and maternal family with eating disorders! It felt like it was my "idea", but it turned out to be a family issue that had been going on for generations.

[@Anelese7]

This video was actually immensely helpful for me.. ive been recently diagnosed as an atypical anorexic and ive been feeling not sick enough to deserve treatment due to my weight. I am actually still slightly overweight but I was obese when I developed the symptoms. They only thing that differentiates me from "anorexia" is weight. If i lose another XX lbs I would eventually switch diagnosis

[@富岡忠宏]

I believe that just the urge itself to enter that world of disordered eating is proofing that it's a brain issue and not vanity, society or whatever. Ignoring your basic instincts is such a difficult task for any living creature, there has to be a pathway in the brain that enables it. And that could either be a kind of spontaneous mutation or simply inherited. Either way, it would be biological and not purely psychological.

[@elliemay2212]

Love you gorgeous so proud of your recovery xxxx

[@suki-chanx5025]

This is So accurate to me..I'm in the First stage I think..I have days that I don't eat anything at All (just water). And I have days that I eat So much(everything I just find)..

[@EmilysJourney]

It's okay to have bad stages but make sure you try and get out of the habits before it gets worse, try bad eat a bit of everything and have a rough routine so you don't crave and don't feel like you're eating too much either :) x

[@zootedvenus]

i literally have the same diagnosis 😭 im crying

[@maiaanderson1745]

I love your channel!

[@EmilysJourney]

Thank you!!

[@eliliu3464]

omg same!!!! a proffesional had to tell me that i have to eat, it sounds so weird but i needed someone how "knows it" to say it

[@erikacortez5006]

What do you think was the hardest part of accepting u had to gain weight I am also struggling with anorexia and I gotta say tumblr thinspo probably messed up the most any tips to just tell that voice that tells u u are fat to leave although part of you doesn’t want the voice to leave

[@EmilysJourney]

Erika Cortez It's completely normal to not want the voice to leave, it's what you've been living with for so long but you have to undetamd it's unhealthy and not natural, and Ed is an illness and you can't live with it. I just knew that I had to gain wait and had gotten to the point of wanting to recover because I know I had anorexia so to recover of course I had to gain weight. The voice gets quieter and quieter and it'll get easier you just have to stick with it and really want to recover which includes part of you wanting to put of weight ❤️

[@erikacortez5006]

Emily's Recovery thank you for answering I have some questions if you don’t mine me asking like do you still healthy? How did the weigh distribute in your body? Does the voice leave forever? I’m sorry for being annoying I just feel like I can talk to you and you will be honest not like everyone else

[@EmilysJourney]

Erika Cortez No it's fine I'm happy to help, I put the weight on gradually and just went back to how I looked before which Im more than happy with, the voice I think will always be there even if I don't hear it for months and months food will be the thing I first think to control when I get down but it's manageable and I've learn to take no notice of it when it rarely does come up, it's as if it's not there at all really and I'm healthy in the sense that I eat balanced by having enough of everything but maybe more sugar one day than I need just because I feel like it, I won't deny myself treats for the sake of being super healthy just because after living with a restrictive illness It's nice to be able to treat myself :) ❤️

[@flowerbreanna]

your story is so similar to mine!

[@carpertomscratchcards]

ive been told i have an eating disorder and the reasearch ive done tells me my bmi 2 weeks ago was 15 and ive notist weight loss today me and my dad just had a huge argument and he said some things to me that hurt me alot then came back 5 mins later trying to appolagise i dont think he meant it think he just came to say it a he dont want people knowing what he said to me he tryed hugging me but i felt really uncomfitable with that any tips i ware multipul layers of over size thick cloths

[@eiroswrld9825]

I’m really trying to get better. I’ve hated my body for so long and I just want to know what it’s like to love my body. I’ve been suffering since 2nd grade and I really do want to recover but I don’t know how to. What should a normal 5’2 14 year old girl eat to be healthy? I just don’t know.

[@EmilysJourney]

YiKeS !! I understand what you mean I didn't know when I was recovering either, I felt like I would either eat too much or not enough but I don't think there's a correct amount for anyone just an average which can be changed for each person depending on their metabolism, age ect. Do you have instgaram? I can dig out my old meal plan which I followed when first recovering which is roughly what a growing teenager should eat ❤️I now eat more than that now that I'm more comfortable doing so but like I said it's just a rough guide anyway :)

[@eiroswrld9825]

Emily's Recovery Ooh that would be very helpful thank you! My main account is X.Helena.Alamo.X

[@itgirlmiyuki]

i really want to be slim....i dont know what should i do

[@EmilysJourney]

You'll realise being slim is not being happy, being slim doesn't mean you're beautiful not everyone's body is supposed to look the same it's better to be healthy slim isn't any better than other body shapes ❤️

[@minaxture]

All you can do is try to be healthier by doing some exercise and eating (mostly) healthier. You may become slimmer as a sort of side effect, but becoming skinny should never be your goal or intention because it's much easier for that to spiral out of control and cause you to develop dangerous behaviours. If food or certain foods start to feel scary, if you start ignoring your hunger signals and if your routine starts becoming obsessive (eg. over-exercising, only eating certain things or at certain times) get help immediately. You don't want to develop an eating disorder. Overall though, you'll never be happy whatever your weight, if you don't accept your body. No one is perfect but that doesn't mean you are not enough. There is always going to be at least one person in the world who finds you beautiful or wants to look like you. Focus on loving yourself because if you don't, you will never feel beautiful. It's more important to focus on feeling your best and trying to look like (what you believe is) your best.❤️

[@jeannestein5448]

Unless you're at death's door, do NOT go to hospital ; they treat you like a criminal !

[@brooklynyohemas5783]

i always think im not ill enough even though i have anorexia nervosa bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder

[@EmilysJourney]

That’s your eating disorder taking, I found that the thoughts of not thinking I was ill enough passed as i started to look after my body, you’ll realise recovery is more than possible as scary as it might seem now 💕 remember that if you’re struggling even just a little, you deserve to recover from that 😘

[@taylorkranz4469]

Hey, I need help I'm going through thus currently and like I want to get better but at the same time I don't is that wrong??? Everyone says why would I not want to get better and I don't know how to explain.....

[@EmilysJourney]

I know what you mean I was the same, you just have to realise that you'll gain nothing from trying to loose weight try and think about it with a realistic open mind, being thin doesn't mean you're any more beautiful or happy than anyone else it's only society and media saying it is. Try and get out of the mental habit before it gets worse by gradually overriding the negative thoughts with positive ones ❤️

[@carpertomscratchcards]

think its tomorrow i am ringing a number see if i can ammit myself for next week

[@jessicamae2025]

hey. i haven't watched this yet but i just need to blurt something out. so i went to the clinic to see if i had anorexia. i knew i did but i didn't care, i just wanted to get it over with. so at that time i was eating 500 calories a day and so yeah. i got on the scales and that was all. like nothing else. and they said my weight and that i wasn't anorexic. without any other testing. since then i've lost a stone and i eat way less now almost nothing. i can see my ribs yet nobody ever said anything about it they just brush it off. i'm sorry about this and i know i never will be noticed or anything but this is all i wanted to say. i'm just trying so hard to lose everything and no-one thinks i'm ill

[@EmilysJourney]

Keep fighting to get the help you need, they’ll help you eventually. In the meantime work on looking after yourself by aiming for a minimum number of meals and snacks a day, you need to beat this and it’s more than possible to and gets easier with time, you can do it 💞

[@jessicamae2025]

@@EmilysJourney thank you so much. one of the main things that make it quite difficult is that a lot of people don't care and say that i should 'just eat' and that. thank you so so much for this, i really needed that extra boost because right now i'm at my lowest yet. ❤

[@sugajm7828]

I relate so hard with the not eating for a while or restricing then having weed or months of eating ‘normal’ but I’m not even skinny I never have been :( . I’m 18 & I’ve been overweight my whole life . I’m finally in the normal bmi category but I wish I could find someone who relates with the weight I’ve never been skinny yet so I feel so invalid

[@EmilysJourney]

Your struggles are valid, no matter what your human form looks like

[@ellie3205]

You are ammmmmmaaaasszzzzzziiiiiiinnnnnggggg

[@xoxmireya3423]

Do u have an Instagram recovery?

[@EmilysJourney]

Mireya Martinez Yes :) It's @emilys_recoveryy_ it's always linked in my bio

[@mold7581]

Omg I’m literally stressing out because I ate 800 calories today instead of 670 I’m such a dumb bitch How can I get help I’m so scared 😓

[@EmilysJourney]

This is a super late reply I don’t always see every comment but if you’re still struggling free to DM me on Instagram (@emilys_journey__) if you want to talk. I hope you’re doing okay now! Take care ♥️

[@AprilBamber]

how old are you? :)

[@EmilysJourney]

18 :)

[@lilj5753]

OMG your sooo cute

[@daniellebabe1]

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you are still doing well