MY ANOREXIA RECOVERY // will I be recovered at BMI 19? // handling people's comments

[@liviimp]

Wow this was EXACTLY what I needed to hear right now! I’ve reached a ‘healthy’ BMI of 18.5, have my period back and all seems to be working properly again in my body. BUT mentally I am almost worse than ever! I constantly think about food, am always hungry, never satisfied, counting calories and am totally inflexible with food. my head tells me that, now I’m a healthy BMI, any more weight gain would be excessive and unnecessary and so I tightly control what I eat and my exercise to ensure I don’t go above this weight. I’m also getting lots of ‘gosh you looks so well’ comments, which just reinforces this and also invalidates the hell im still going through in my head! I am struggling so much with this because I feel like I can’t eat as much as I want as I’ll continue to gain ‘unnecessary’ weight and am terrified that I’ll never stop. I’m mentally still not okay with my natural body weight being anything above the bare minimum, but my situation now is just feeding anorexia and making me miserable. My brain tells me ‘it’s fine for THEM to respond to their hunger, they need to gain weight, but I don’t have to therefore I can’t eat what I want’. So toxic. But your video really helped me to start to contemplate the idea of allowing myself to find my own set point - whatever that is. Thank you and keep strong!

[@megsyrecovery191]

liviimp that’s so brilliant! It’s really shit that we can’t all naturally be BMI 18.5, & we can hate it all we want, but it won’t change the fact that if we want to be in those very low end of healthy BMIs then we will have to have an ED for the rest of our lives. I hate the BMI chart, I really do! 18.5 is so NOT healthy

[@elyseirwin2587]

Liivimp I'm like the exact same scenario as you. Just reached BMI of 18.5 and am still getting obsessive food thoughts and doing too much exercise. Its so hard to stop exercising, which I know I do too much. I still have no period so I know my body needs to rest. Hate my ED.

[@liviimp]

Dorothy Irwin although I’m sorry to hear of your struggles it is nice to know I’m not alone in where I stand in recovery - sometimes it feels like I’m the only one in this position....keep going, you’re worth it! 💪🏻

[@liviimp]

Megsy Recovery your encouragement is an amazingly powerful anti-anorexia tool 😁 thank you so much for preaching such a real and honest message 💪🏻❤️ Also, are you a fellow Brit?!

[@elyseirwin2587]

liviimp thank you! You are worth it too! We can beat this

[@ChiiLiving]

You are literally just the cutest human ever

[@LauraPalmerD]

she is!

[@deyanira008]

Recovery.Chii I totally agree with you 🖤😎👍 she's amazing!

[@RobotUnicornAttack22]

3 things! Firstly, you are so brave going back to cinnabon. SO many people would let a comment like that turn it into a fear food but you bossed it! Genuinely so inspiring I hope I can do the same thing. Secondly, I also hate how I feel when people say 'you look so good/well' during recovery, like I can't gain any weight (and therefore want to stay at BMI 18, which comes with the other issues you were talking about!) but I try to think that what they mean is you look better than when you were too thin, but they don't want to say 'better' because that might offend you so they go with good or well but it doesn't mean they think you will look worse when you're a bit bigger. THIRDLY! Re 'bmi 18 recovery' is such a big issue for me, I spent a solid 2 years at that point the last time I "recovered" and honestly I was just as sick, but without the visible symptoms which meant I was constantly being complimented etc and felt like I was living even more of a lie. If anything, I felt worse than at my lowest weight. This time, I have already hit BMI 20 and it looks like it's still going up but I am determined to let my body settle, be happy, and just not mess with it!

[@megsyrecovery191]

OMG so proud of you. Totally agree, BMI 18/19 is actually a terrible place to stick, because you've still got a head full of ED plus you have some of the emotions which you don't get at lower weights, and you can be in the world so you're basically living a double life of looking "fine"(ish) but having a mental head and relationship with food still. GOOD LUCK to you, you're getting your freedom and you're doing the right thing with your weight. Sounds like you've spent plenty of time in "low end of normal hell" to realise that it's just a total shit storm! Big kiss xxx

[@elyseirwin2587]

I really needed this video now as my BMI is now at 18.5. Thank you for your help and motivation

[@sophieward7049]

This video was so insightful and so so relevant to me. I always worry that because my BMI is technically on the lower side of healthy, it is still classed as healthy. So I worry that ED specialists won't take me seriously or will dismiss me because I am not underweight, you almost undermine your own suffering, but logically it is rubbish. It is one symptom of a mental disorder with so many symptoms, being underweight is just one physical sign. I have to keep telling myself that I am just as deserving of recovery as anyone else at any BMI. Also, I have lanugo, dizzy spells, digestive issues, insomnia, overexercise compensatory behaviours and over restrictive/binge tendencies, which are all valid symptoms too, not just a low weight that doesn't happen to be low enough to be considered "underweight" by some outdated measure that doesn't take into account body composition, but it is 100% underweight for my body. Thank you again for another really helpful video!! x

[@megsyrecovery191]

Sophie Ward do you know they’ve removed BMI from the diagnostic criteria for anorexia now? If you’re suffering then that’s the reality. & you will continue to suffer forever if you don’t get some help & challenge your illness 😘 good luck 😘

[@sophieward7049]

Megsy Recovery is that the UK also? I thought it was still used in the UK for diagnosis? You’re doing so well, that Cinnabon looks insane!!! Gonna tackle a Krispy Kreme this week - it’s time!! 🙌🏻❤️ x

[@hayleyjillianfanforeverxox5781]

I’ve recently found your channel and I just want too say thank you for being such an inspiration. I love your personality😊✨

[@friendoftherese1]

It is very possible to live for years in quasi-recovery at a low/normal weight. I have done it for almost 40 years, and after a recent relapse have dedicated myself to recovery. It's a hard slog when you've brainwashed yourself for so long. Much better to get this early!!! Someone mentioned that she was going for a BMI of 20 instead of the usual 18-19, and I think that is a good goal for me as well.

[@megsyrecovery191]

I actually grew up believing 20 was the minimum healthy, which I thank my sweet luck for because it’s outrageous that people are getting medical advice to say BMI 18/19 will be recovered

[@jeannestein5448]

My bmi is 13

[@jordann4286]

My dad a few days ago said " you eat all the time" like .. okkk >- >" and today he asked in a concerned tone "how much do you weigh" how many calories do i eat daily. Are you trying to lose or maintain your weight?". All this bs and I've never openly talk about my eating disorder to either of my parents or anyone really except my boyfriend who is really good about it. but I've had relapse a few weeks ago and those kinds of comments really don't help but hearing you talk about ignoring these negative comments really is helpful thank you for sharing this

[@megsyrecovery191]

Yeh it’s your life, regardless of what anyone else says only you know what’s really going on in you. & whatever they say, if you’re suffering from your ED then you need to keep fighting to beat it 😘

[@dearbhailecasey1225]

More vlogs!! Your saving my life with your advice and general perkiness! Keep them coming ❤️❤️

[@littleladylavender]

I forgot to say check out "What Mia Did Next" vlogs, she's an Australian ED advocate, I came across her last year, she deals with body image, eating disorder recovery, mental health, and self-care. x

[@megsyrecovery191]

Great, thank you!!

[@deyanira008]

Caroline O Keeffe yeaa...she's helpful and insightful😎👍🖤

[@oceana3070]

I’m weighing in on this (haha) super late, but to offer an alternative perspective: that being in the ‘1.3%’ also has its caveats. Like when Meg said ‘I hate those people’, I know it was meant as a joke and not at all maliciously, but it grates a little to hear that sort of thing, as I’m frequently told told I’m too small, when I’m just trying to be ‘me sized’, and I’ve worked very hard in recovery to get back up to my underweight setpoint. My set point is under bmi 18 (I won’t say specifically what, but this is based on my adult weight pre AN and post recovery). I found it equally difficult to attempt to force it into a higher range in order to fit a recovery standard as I assume someone would attempting to keep their weight to the healthy range and not go higher. I did temporarily force my bmi into the 20s in early recovery, but had to eat to the point of side splitting nausea several times a day to maintain. It impacted my health for the worse. But when I ate/exercised comfortably (non-disordered) I very quickly found myself back at my underweight setpoint. Being at a lower bmi to begin with also made me feel like a fraud when I was in the depths of AN, as most people know me to be slim anyway, so when I finally admitted I had a problem, only those closest to me really knew how bad it was.

[@carolynharrison3959]

I just had a guy in my building tell me on Thurs “I’m so proud of you! After you got back from your Hawaii trip, I mean, whoa...you looked like you had a good time, you...whoa gained a lot of weight. But good for you for continuing to work out and lose it all!” I about ran out of the gym crying. It was awful! Who says that!?!? Set me back big time! People have NO idea! I still have his comment engrained in my brain. Sucks! Thank you for this video!!

[@friendoftherese1]

What?! NO!!! I'm so sorry; I hope you're back on your recovery track!

[@megsyrecovery191]

ARGHHHHH what a bloody moron. WTF is wrong with people. Honestly though, who gives a shit what the guy at the gym thinks. We can't live our lives disordered because the nob head at the gym is a twat. We can't live in an ED head because he made a passing comment he will never remember. BLOCK THAT MAN OUT. It's your life, only you have to live in your body and brain, so keep doing what you need to do to make that a peaceful and enjoyable home for yourself. Big kisses. Hope you had fun in HAwaii, we were actually thinking of it for honeymoon xxxxx

[@carolynharrison3959]

It's so awful and how those comments stick like glue to my ED head of mine. But thank you! It is MY life and screw him, knuckle-brain-idiot! I'm going to keep on going no matter what. He is NOT in control of my recovery, I am!!! I will not give him that. And Hawaii is great for honeymooners. I was in Maui but was with my family, and we all loved it! The travel is what kills you - it's 10 hours of travel for us USA East Coasters. I just hope you realize how much you encourage me and inspire me to fully recover. What you are doing makes a difference in other's lives. It has changed my life, for sure. :)

[@marengray646]

LOVE THIS VIDEO💗i went into treatment at bmi 12.5 and released at exactly a 19..i was still so sick in my head i relapsed right away...DOING recovery on my own now..finding strength from u💗💗thank u😃

[@megsyrecovery191]

Keep going hun, keep gaining. You need it for total freedom!

[@lenajazuk4231]

That is a brilliant video👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼❤️❤️❤️❤️ For everybody who is in a quasi recovery including me or everybody who is trying to control a process of gaining / maintaining weight by counting calories or certain portions or certain size/ look are still on a ED’s leash and just making its a bit more loose

[@melindaking9166]

You are a pancake artist!! Thank you for telling your truths. It's all a kind of tightrope, and we just keep looking ahead, keep moving forwards. If I look down, I lose my balance. Other people's comments cause a big look down! Talking about BMI can be a look down. My body will know when it's in a healthy region, and me trying to project is no good. Besides, I've never known how to be open to real freedom, as it was always in the context of just barely surviving. Opening myself to the unknown--that freedom--means I go beyond all notions of where my underfed thoughts want to be safe/stagnant. Anorexia will stick around as long as I am trying to get comfortable. But that's just me. Bless your beautiful heart, Megsy! "“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style”." Maya Angelou

[@YasminA-jm9zs]

I'm rewatching all of your videos. Your smile and laugh are so adorable 😆 You're my new girl crush 💕

[@joannasaunders2179]

This was so helpful! Thank you for addressing the topic of other's comments on our recovery, when my boyfriend comments on the amount i'm eating it's so triggering but he just doesn't understand that you need to undo the damage you've done to yourself both physically and mentally, i love your content it's nice to know others are recovering around the same time as me xXx

[@sophie3588]

I think, after dealing with an eating disorder since I was 13 (I'm 27), I really don't even know what I'm supposed to look like as an adult and that terrifies me for some odd reason. It's as though, I'm truly afraid to allow myself to develop into a women. I have an amazing career and "appear" to function successfully in the world, but I'm holding myself back. I want to change...but it's the fear that paralyzes me from another recovery-for-good attempt. I love watching you, Meg. You hit all the hard points right on.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Sometimes we can't no and we can't wait until we're comfortable, we have to just JUMP IN!! Also, take a bit of pressure off the body itself. We're not recovering because we're guaranteed to have wonderful amazing healthy figures.... We're not going to be perfect and women have jiggly women bits you know. We're recovering for our lives and to have proper healthy bodys, even if they're not perfect. Does that make sense? hope it doesn't sound too harsh. Sometimes it helps me to remember what I am recovering for ..... Mental peace, freedom, fun, sponteneity, healthy bones, hair etc...

[@sophie3588]

Megsy Recovery You are so right and it’s not too harsh. 😘 It’s not about being perfect but being healthy.

[@ThriveOnWheels]

you are so inspirational !! I relapsed in the past few months..because of your vlog of recovery, I decided to start film what I eat again! I am still struggling hard. although my body isn't at a very low weight anymore., I am still so afraid of weight gain....my set point is on the low end of BMI chart, but I don't like to be at a healthy weight, My mind keeps fighting with me and thinks that my current slight underweight body is perfect... "perfect".. ha, I literally caught myself this time..I still have all those distorted thinking. Just today, I had to spend an hour to fight my thoughts over a bowl of cereal... just because the craving of food kicked in right after my dinner...why....... Anyway, I am going to share my journey on my channel! and I hope to get the support from you !! Keep the positive vibes! you are amazing!

[@megsyrecovery191]

Good luck to you lovely! I’ve found not filming everything I eat to be helpful, because it’s a lot of pressure on you & I still need to be choosing to do it for me. Keep going & get your weight up, it’s the only way to get away from cereal panics!

[@carolina_rch]

I love the way you think, Meg. Totally relate with a lot of the things you say, so I find your videos super helpful. Please keep them coming ❤️ Also, soproud of you for going back to Cinnabon. It looked delish! 😍

[@a_dose_of_bethxoxo3362]

Yay a New vlog, you have no idea how happy this makes me 😊. You're such a big inspiration to me as because of you I'm starting my own recovery KZbin, im going to access a private dietitian as the one on the NHS is extremely orthorexic and wants me to stay at a weight which is damaging my health. After watching your videos I'm going to ask this new dietitian to help me gain to my set point whatever that maybe and I've wrote some food challenges I want to try, guess what's one the list? To try one of your breakfast recipes as they look the bomb x

[@megsyrecovery191]

This is amazing! Good for you owning your life & choosing freedom for it 😘😘 let me know how the breakfast goes

[@a_dose_of_bethxoxo3362]

Megsy Recovery I definitely will x

[@friendoftherese1]

You are absolutely wonderful. Great insights! Pancakes: that is one of my fear foods, so tonight, while my granddaughter was here, I decided to make them for dinner. She is almost three-years old, and was quite excited about the pancakes. Well, I totally burned the second batch! Argh! Luckily, there was enough non-burned ones for both of us, and I actually had three of them with maple syrup! The only way I used to eat pancakes was if they were whole wheat, and I had fruit with them. This time it was just plain ol' Aunt Jemima! Love your pancake creations my dear!

[@megsyrecovery191]

Yayyyy hope you enjoyed them & most importantly enjoyed being able to do that with your granddaughter. How lovely!! & yes to maple syrup on them. Yum!

[@anthiabaker2695]

Fantastic to read! The simple of joy of eating exactly the same as someone else! I get it! The dietician has just included pancakes for me too. I suggested Lemon and sugar - and she said 'ok' but I MUST do a maple syrup one too!! I'll do one in your honour too! We need to keep pulling each other forward!! (I've got young children and they will practically fall of their chair when we eat the same pancakes!). My son is 12 and he's never seen me eat a pancake let alone a Cinnabon! (one day!).

[@monicacouchman2387]

I so needed this! I'm almost "weight restored" but I've been restricting to stay below it and everyone thinks I'm fine but I'm really not. It was also weigh day today so it hear you say that is so helpful!

[@megsyrecovery191]

No one else has to live in your mind. This is your life not theirs, doesn’t really matter what they think 😘

[@monicacouchman2387]

Thank you babes 😘

[@melindaking9166]

Because, when I was "BMI 19," I was bat-shit crazier than at lower numbers. Danger in having one foot in and one out, with other people thinking you are a socially acceptable yoga-teacher. If I want out of the black hole, it's all got to go. Push onwards--I want to go places I have never been before. And that means eating more than I am immediately okay with, eating things I am not right now excited about... okay!! You can do it, I can do it!

[@megsyrecovery191]

"bat shit crazier" hahaha. Maybe because your emotions and hormines and stuff might be waking up a bit, so you've got it all going on in the head and body. So weird how so many people think it's a good place to stop isn't it!

[@melindaking9166]

It's difficult as one moves ahead in earning weight, as for me--I got into the newer versions of normal and get complacent, shoved off the urgency of restoring. And get bored. And restless. So, as time goes by and I was more socially acceptable, I was ("at BMI 19ish") silently aware of how dangerous every choice was. Instead, I must increase and challenge more and more and more and not get excited about gaining, or allow loopholes. Big boomerang pain, knowing I was sicker in a different way, in a larger body. That's why seeing you go strong is so inspiring. That Cinnabon now is signaling to the rest of you, in the near future, that you are capable and okay. Hooray us!!

[@marinacover6274]

Your recovery and experiences and videos are so helpful and inspirational

[@elizabethreynaa]

7:40 - 7:51 hit me HARD! i am about to hit 1 month into recovery and i'm still at a 19 bmi but my mind is still messed up. your vlogs give me so much strength and hope ! i will keep eating and listening to my body .. thank you for your always giving helpful advice!

[@kimlau3929]

I can relate so much. It’s especially more difficult when the comments come from family. Mom would inadvertently comment on the shape of my cheeks and it’s such a big hit on my self esteem and confidence. Perhaps I don’t have a chiseled cheekbones like a movie star, but there’s nothing I could do to change the roundness. Just difficult not to allow words to affect me.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Arghhh yes, could you ask them not to say it? If not, then who cares what they think or say. This is your life & you only get one, & we’re all made in different shapes & sizes & if we try & fight that then we will have to live with an eating disorder

[@haespl3341]

I literally watch your vlogs everyday. They're so refreshing and insightful! And regarding BMI - I totally agree. I was overweight before developing anorexia and I'm sure that my set point weight is much higher than 19-20. I'm not severely underweight anymore. I suppose my body wouldn't handle going to my lowest weight again (every other relapse is more harmful for our bodies). So, now I'm at so called "healthy" BMI but my body and mind are fucked up. I'm not less ill than when I was at my lowest. And I need to accept the fact that if I truly want to be healthy, I need to gain. It's so hard. Especially if I was praised for such "successful" weight loss. But yeah, 15 years of living in hell is defenitely enough. And your videos are one of the most helpful tools that I reach for to suuport myself on my recovery road. Please, keep doing those videos. Thank you for everything

[@megsyrecovery191]

haes pl I’ve got a couple of friends with similar stories to you, it must be so so tough having people enforce your anorexic behaviours as god, ESPECIALLY when’s it’s professionals doing it. It’s so dangerous & outrageous really that people aren’t trained better. We know though, any amount under your set point is going to fuck your head (& body to be honest). I hope you can get to a place where your body is happier & you can find some peace between body & mind 😘😘😘

[@charlotteemily3865]

thank you so much for making these videos.. i've been having such a hard time the past few days and this video cheered me right up.. you make me feel like i'm not alone, like i'm worthy of a life better than this, like a different life is even possible at all! you are truly such an inspiration 💕

[@megsyrecovery191]

OMG of course you are, sometimes it's hard to see through ED glasses to see anything better, but keep going hun. It's out there!

[@ThePrettyPoint]

You’re so much nicer about people’s comments than I’ve ever been. I still have people comment and I’ve been a stable weight and such for over two years. I was picking out a bell pepper and an old man walked by and said to me “well that’s not going to put any weight on you” implying I was too small. So I looked right back at his cart and said “yeah that’s not taking any off of you.” He was offended. Equally as hateful, mate. Mind your business.

[@samricard6166]

girl you're my fav vlog to watch. I literally sit and watch your videos even if I have seen them before 😂 thank you for being you!!

[@lizzie9590]

omg same

[@littleladylavender]

I completely agree with you, the BMI target of 18/19 that we are set by the medical profession causes more anxiety than anything else. Numbers haunt us enough, trying to box us into a category is not a helpful way to approach recovery. Our BMI is as unique to us as our fingerprint. One may look healthier with a BMI of 18 but that certainly doesn't mean we are not still being eaten away by the anorexic Pacman in our head. Thanks Meg for addressing it tonight, also about other peoples comments. I get so paranoid when I'm told I look nice, or I get a compliment about something I may be wearing. Negative thoughts start running through my head, it's one of the more challenging things to overcome. It's a daily practice, thanks for the reminder I need to work on it more :) Really help vlog, much appreciated. Have a great week forward, keep following your inner guidance. Love to you and everyone here :) xxx

[@megsyrecovery191]

EXACTLY!! Honestly I just don't even let people's comments in. WHatever they think, doesn't change the body and brain I have to live with, so I'm just going to keep working on them. Other people can think what they want xxx

[@meg285xo]

I was having such a bad day, but thank you, you made me feel a lot better. I’m weight restored, mabey even considered to be a little on the heavier side, but no matter what I do my body stays within this 10 lb weight range. Honestly, I feel good physically in this weight range. I guess I always thought that recovering I would just stay skinny or be like the size I should be by societal standards. But what you said makes a load of sense. Thank you so so much for this. I watch a video every-morning usually with breakfast, and you inspire me to fight the disordered thoughts that sometimes creep in. Love you so much! You’re such a beautiful soul inside and out!! ❤️

[@megsyrecovery191]

meg285xo that is absolutely your body’s naturally spot then. I know it’s hard to accept sometimes because society & instagram shoves this ideal down our throats.... I just think do I really want to fuck my whole head & life up trying to achieve this ideal, or do I want a bit of peace with my body. It might not be my “perfect weight”, but it will let me live my life 😘😘

[@alibongois]

You totally said it. Today I went to the beach with my kids and a friend and it was over tea time, so I had to wait till later to have what I am eating atm (which is not where I want to be yet). They were all having chips and ice cream at the beach and I had a cup of tea. Was so frustrating though I did have a few of their chips. So it really struck a chord - you having burger and chips twice. NOT dorky xxx BRAVE XXX

[@noahatlas5240]

I’ve been waiting allll week for another upload!! I love your videos

[@jumpingturnip]

This video hit me really hard because I was always naturally always at a BMI of like 19 but then I put on weight from constantly overeating due to stress so I hit BMI 20 something and it hurt so bad bc it was never that "high" (I'm not saying it's high it's my ED sorry) and now I'm like BMI 16 something and I'm so sad bc my metabolism IS high and always used to handle that I eat a lot but now I just think I can never eat again because I'll instantly get fat.. 😭❤ Ps : Thanks for your videos they always brighten my mood and make me consider recovery a little bit more everyday.. it's just hard bc I'm still living at home and going to school.

[@megsyrecovery191]

You just have to challenge that and eat these foods and get to that weight and realise you don't get fat and you don't gain and gain forever, and these foods don't make you balloon. You might not love the weight, but you can love the things this body and freer mind will allow you to do!!

[@jumpingturnip]

Megsy Recovery thanks so much for your helpful answer!! It's just been a struggle especially considering my relationships with my boyfriend and family especially. I just constantly snap and I get so easily irritated 😩

[@富岡忠宏]

I'm like that, too! 😲 I've always been naturally skinny. And tall for a girl - I'm 6foot2(1,88cm...) Bean pole was my middle name as a kid. 😡 But my whole family is like that. So 20 is "high" for me, too. 😔 The only time I've ever been over that was close to the end of my pregnancy. And that was still a 23. Unfortunately, naturally skinny people get ED's, too. It's in the genes. 😔

[@ARdave311]

there is absoluty a set-point, im glad you see this. it was the key to me getting fully over my ED, i use to think set-points where not real but they absolutly are. the ironic thing is, the people we despise that are naturaly very skinny, HATE IT. especialy guys. they are so self concious about how skinny they are wich sounds ridiculious to us (people with anorexia) but its true. just embrace whatever weight you show up at, to have your emotions and hobbies back again and to be care free will be well worth the etra weight you might have. and honestly i dont htink anyone naturaly likes the way they look when they are just normaly them lol, so you might as well be happy in all otehr aspects of life.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Yes so true. No ones ever fully loving their bod are they! & yeh, ridiculous that we sacrifice our whole lives for this! Thanks so much for your message 😘

[@chh1077]

Tabitha is amazing in her vlog... so straight forward 😄. And now time for your video..curious 😉

[@melindaking9166]

Everyone has something to give. I appreciate Megsy as the most reliable and humble resource on KZbin. I am grateful.

[@chh1077]

Diza Luciano I just agree with the notes under the video! I haven't compared both!!!

[@melindaking9166]

:) Dear you, we are all doing the work. Everyone wins!!

[@user-mr5pe7de9j]

Hello Meg, watching this over three years after you posted it, bu all your videos give me som much, often watching them whilst I eat and it really helps me. Your pancakes look so good, I will make them tomorrow :-) How do you get the PB so that you can pour it - do you microwave it? Thanks again for everything Meg! Love M

[@janaicr9629]

U r freaking amazing. So strong and inspiring.i had an emotional day with a very public panic attack and clothes shopping was...interesting but this made me feel much better ❤💜❤💜❤

[@megsyrecovery191]

Ahh, bless you, well today is a new day. Keep going, move on, stay calm 😘

[@elevenbyfive]

Well done for returning to Cinnabon and slaying it instead of letting it defeat you!! Errgghhh people's comments are so hard to deal with. I try to think of them as hearing my ED voice through someone else's mouth, and then try and respond as i would to my internal voice (i.e. ignore it). It helped what you said about remembering that only you know what you need.. I also love what you said about how you can't THINK your set point lower. I wish doctors would watch this video... And now, over to the cats: Beyonce: Did you SEE that? She's getting healthier - she licked her paws!!! Stevie: ~LOOKS SMUG~ Beyonce: Wait, what did you do?? Stevie: ummmmm... Beyonce: Come on, spill the milk. Stevie: ok, well, have you heard of Hypnocat? Beyonce: you mean that cat who lives in the carpark? Stevie: yeah, him. Beyonce: Isn't he the one who stares people into a trance and then implants suggestions into their mind with the power of thought? Stevie: that's the one! Beyonce: hmmmm i can never decide whether to believe in that stuff. Stevie: well, you'd better start. Beyonce: wait, you didn't HIRE him, did you? Stevie: i bloody DID! Beyonce: Wooooaaahhhh COOL! What happened? Stevie: i got him to jump on her car windscreen and stare at her to hypnotise her into eating more normally, and it's already working! You saw. She licked her paws, and Hypnocat said he saw her doing the same thing when she came out of Cinnabon! Beyonce: you sneaky little... Stevie:~BEAMS AND GROOMS HIMSELF SMUGLY~ Beyonce: i'm so PROUD of you! And of her! Ok, next we need to work on her drinking habits. We should introduce her to the delights of puddle water...

[@megsyrecovery191]

Hahahaha WHEN is this getting commissioned? I love it 😻 so funny!! & that cat was so freaky on my bonnet 😹😹

[@chelseajones1728]

OMG I can relate to so much in this vlog , it’s so nice to hear your thoughts ... sometimes I think my thoughts are just crazy. We’re not alone 💕 keep going your doing amazing!!

[@skilani5933]

If society think the same way you do, there won't be Eating Disorders anymore! Thank you.

[@kmoy]

You're so nice to have bought your boyfriend a gift! :) Loved this video especially the part of you eating the cinnabon. That is one of my fears... eating in front of people, and you've just eaten in front of the whole world! Kudos to you! :)

[@Whateviedid]

Loved this so much Meg! (it's Evie from IG!) thank you for always making me feel better!

[@megsyrecovery191]

I was amazing! Lots of love, Evie xxx

[@KimHoeltje]

Yay for sweet potato pancakes. I don’t think BMI or weight really matters in recovery... eating disorders are such a mental disease.... you can be at a healthy weight and still be so disordered. Love your honesty chats!

[@shirleytutu7880]

I've cried so much watching you eat this Cinnabon. Usually when I watch your videos I cry for me. For the places I relate from. This time I cried for you. It was so amazing and empowering to see you enjoy this Cinnabon like a little child. I know the struggle. It was so emotional for me because you deserve it so much. To be happy. I hope you will always be. Happy. BTW my name is Shirley 💜.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Lukedat co omg you sweetheart, thanks for being so kind. Hope you can go & have one too, they’re so tasty & yeh the little kid in us just wants to eat 😘😘

[@shelleyc4443]

Hooray for Cinnabon!! And HOORAY for blocking out what the random guy said and pushing forward. Because... YUM!!!! Now I want a Cinnabon... ;) I love you and the message in this vlog. ❤️❤️😊

[@danabays1498]

You are super smart, girl! Keep up this great content!

[@kimtaehyung1155]

I know you're not a nutritionist, but I'm gonna ask anyway. I have ed and my period has stopped at bmi 19. Can I be recovered at bmi 18.3, or is it already too high?

[@teresatalks9]

I hope this isn’t too personal but have you ever tried meds to help with the obsessive thoughts? I don’t have an ED but I have ocd and Paxil helps me immensely. Sorry if that’s too much to say. I really enjoy watching your channel!

[@megsyrecovery191]

TeresaMarie not at all. I was on Zoloft last time I relapsed & it really helped with my anxiety, but this time round I’m managing ok without anything. Lots of love 😘😘

[@SLCProv356]

You are so adorable! I’m really enjoying your videos! So I’ve gained a lot of weight while recovering and I heard, “you looked so good before”...but noooooo...my head was all in the wrong place, don’t tell me that! I’m not defined by my body, please stop!

[@emmawoolf100]

actually LOVE the fact that you took your jacket off to get stuck into the cinnabon, Meg! that is so what I would do x

[@megsyrecovery191]

Emma Woolf hahaha getting totally stuck in. If you’re gonna do it, do it properly 👏

[@mustlovejustinbeiber]

"You look so good/healthy/well!" OMG YES PREACH!

[@megsyrecovery191]

Natalie Hahn thanks hun, just be a bit careful saying stuff like that because AN can pounce on it a little bit & interpret it different ways 😘

[@mustlovejustinbeiber]

Oh no, I mean I am agreeing with what you were saying about people saying that haha. I know how hurtful it can be.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Natalie Hahn ohhhhh I thought you were saying them to me, I was like oh god, all the buzz words hahaha. Got it 😘

[@sarah-wq7yc]

Hey :) You really help me a lot with you videos! There’s just one thing keeping me from trusting my hunger: overweight people. We all know that there are people out there who eat way more than they need and I am seriously afraid to become one of them. Sometimes I feel full but my body still tells me to go on eating and I’m struggling so hard because I don’t know whether what I feel is hunger or whether I need that food to handle my emotions or whatever... Have you ever dealt with emotional eating? I’d really be grateful if you answered 🥀

[@bananastar00]

Sorry I'm not megsy, but I thought I would give my two cents! Take it how you will :) As far as overweight people, just because they are overweight doesn't mean they are over eating. What weight are they "over"? BMI 25? BMI is a flawed measurement that even the inventor said should not be applied to individual people. Plus the cut off is somewhat arbitrary, in 1998, the NIH changed the cut off for overweight down from 27.8 to 25 and people between that range became "overweight" overnight. Some people's set point is just naturally higher, and even tho they are "overweight" they arent over their set point weight. As far as feeling physically full but still wanting more food, that sounds to me like how I felt with extreme hunger. I have sooo been there and it's such a common experience for people getting better from restrictive eating. Your stomach is physically too full to eat anymore food but your brain knows that you still need more nutrition to repair your body and keep up so you get this really sucky feeling of being full but not full too? 😂 Ya, it sucks and me and so many other people know where ur coming from. I recommend trying some denser food to free up some space in ur tummy if ur up to it. I've never personally dealt with emotional eating, so Im sorry i can't help you there! I hope this made sense and was maybe somewhat helpful! Lots of love ❤️

[@kimberlyearly8918]

Comments I’ve had that have been really hard: you look healthy now; you look like you’re gonna make it now; I don’t feel like I have to feed you a sandwich every time you come over. There are plenty more. I can totally relate to what you were saying!! All of these comments made me think I was getting fat! I’m struggling a bit right now. I’m 48 years old and wonder if I’m gonna struggle with this the rest of my life!!

[@megsyrecovery191]

Kimberly Early you don’t have to!! Not if you fight it & challenge it & get your weight up so your body leaves you in peace a bit. Regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. It’s your life & mind that you have to live in, so screw them! & things only stay like this if not challenged, so keeeeep fighting & you will find some more freedom 😘

[@anthiabaker2695]

Hi Kimberly, I can relate too. I'm 47 and had 27 years of this obsession with body and weight. It's how I've been 'special' all these years. It was my 'claim to fame' but most importantly kept me feeling 'safe'. Safe from what god knows! Pretty sad when you see it written like that and realise that the rest of my life is actually happening now! I'm with a dietician now, and a 12 step fellowship for eating disorders, but willingness is the key. We have to WANT to get better - fear of fat regardless. Freedom to enjoy food and the joy of connection with family and friends is priceless and I hang on to that on a bad day. And I've ditched all the skinny clothes. One thing that gets me to keep eating to the dieticians plan is vanity and bone health. Osteoporosis is highly likely and It's so not a good look being my age and looking like a 'bag of bones' or a malnourished teenage boy - which are both comments I heard often. Good luck!

[@anthiabaker2695]

Also Meg and Tabitha Farrar vlogs have been another cornerstone in my recovery. We need re-wiring and they both help explain this in simple language - plus both being great role models in enjoying eating! God knows no one else would have got me to eat Overnight Carrot cake oats! (and enjoy them with no fear!).

[@kimberlyearly8918]

Thank you both so much for your replies and support! I feel a bit like a hypocrite right now because I AM at a healthy weight!! But I HATE it and am starting to restrict again. My weight might be at a healthy point but my mind is FAR from healthy!! Thanks again!!💞

[@kimberlyearly8918]

Anthia Baker One of my Drs wanted to put me on fosomax when I was 38!

[@TieDyeSkies]

I personally struggle with food ritual eating at certain times, fear eating later at night after 6 pm and eating the same low amount of calories of the same food literally And this may be TMI so sorry I’m advanced to anyone who reads this😬 But I struggle with chewing and spitting food instead of eating it I feel like at times I’m the only one who struggles with C/S but I know Im not And I feel so weird about it Thank u for making making these videos I’m thankful for them.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Keep challenging the set things lovely. It’s uncomfortable & scary but you can break out of them 😘

[@TieDyeSkies]

Megsy Recovery Thanks so much for the reply and positivity😌 So true what you said and agree with the BMI topic Keep up the progressed with recovery your doing great👏

[@ileneeo]

Way to go!!! Did you know you can get extra icing?

[@megsyrecovery191]

No, just found out, Next time! Although it would have been even more messy!

[@user-fw5wb4rt2n]

Great video! Great that you don't let comments of other's intervene with your recovery path! I agree that we are all worth of love and support even if we are dealing with an ED, but what if your partner or family and friends are not so supportive and understanding? My partner gets irritated by my ED behavior and has a hard time being patient with it. This triggers feelings of guilt and failure sometimes. I know it is hard for him, so I do understand his feelings too. Off topic, but: what kind of PB do you use? It's so nice and runny to pour over the pancakes, or do you add something to make it more runny?

[@megsyrecovery191]

Argh yes that is so difficult. Do you guys set aside some time in the week to do non ED things and enjoy each other aside from the ED? Problem is it affects so much doesn't it! Keep challenging and fighting it though, getting more connected to your partner is a really lovely part of recovery for me. And I just microwave my PB. It's just Jif regular PB

[@user-fw5wb4rt2n]

Thank you! Indeed it affects so much! I hope to use this like you say as an extra motivation for recovery, to become a nicer and happier person for others as well! And that it is such a beautiful reward that you can feel more again and do more again with the people you care about! Looking forward to your next vlog! 😘

[@reneebrody5877]

My bmi is 17.7 but i dont believe in that chart. When i was bigger the chart said i was obese which i was not so why woud i believe im too thin. I look and feel the best at this weight 110 at 5'7" tall.

[@MadisonTiahn]

Your vlog + Cinnabon = greatest Monday morning ever! 😍

[@bri3975]

Yayyyyyyy love getting this video notification!

[@carolinewilliams6141]

How do you deal with the way weight is distributed while gaining? And the discomfort of it?

[@megsyrecovery191]

Yeh, tough, I don't know if I have a good answer for this yet. I mean throwing out old small clothes and buying new stuff is one thing... Which is tough! Not over body checking but not avoiding mirrors and that altogether. Remembering WHY you're recovering, and looking at the things you can do in life at a higher weight if really important. Like, we don't need to love our lives, but if we can recognise and appreciate what you can dooo in your new body that's really important. I'll think about it though hun and maybe do a vlog on it when I have a better answer

[@lucykingsland1]

You are such an inspiration, thank you for these videos, they are so helpful. I had severe anorexia when I was 14-16 and then recovered to an okay - but not completely healthy - weight and am finding it really difficult trying to find the courage to bite the bullet and get completely healthy. May I ask how old you are? You seem to have a very mature outlook...I'm 28 now and feel really pathetic sometimes, like I need to grow out of this...so frustrating!

[@megsyrecovery191]

Ooooh I sound v similar to you. I am 29. Just use that frustration to bite the bullet and DO IT!! If you don't it'll be another however many years and you'll be saying the same thing. The longer it goes on just proves to you what total shite the whole thing is. KEEP GOING, you can do it hun xxxx

[@lucykingsland1]

Yes very similar! Thank you for the encouragement :). Yes I completely agree - I have my work sorted, social/family life is good but I'm not 100% with my health yet. I'm realistic insofar as I think I'll always have to manage these inbuilt traits but not quite there yet! xxx

[@megsyrecovery191]

Lucy Kingsland yeh from my relapses I’m realising it may always be a go to when I’m stressed, so then I need to actively stay well during those times because the stress passes & I want to be well when it’s gone & when life gets “better” again

[@misskatooshka]

Sentiment at the end is nice about partners boyfriends staying because they love us for us. But my partner left because the anorexia was too much. It ruined the relationship. Now I'm alone with anorexia again. Woopdie-fleeking-Doo 😞

[@user-ph4mg1mh9c]

Had my ED since I was 13, I’m 50, no partner, no kids and yet, my ED still with me 👍🏼great

[@laurenvaldez4377]

This was so helpful. Thank you so much for this!

[@shivanikoonj-beharry7124]

Dont worry because i have a small mass as in the amount of space i take up but someone can be at a much higher mass than me and we can be the same weight...so I am just saying it may just be your body composition

[@mariebeach5864]

You help me so much everything you say and the way you talk about things I can relate to so much I can do relate to you thank you for making these vlogs I wish we were friends I love you xxx😍

[@megsyrecovery191]

We are!!!!! Thanks for watching and chatting with me xx

[@orangepulp392]

I did the same with trying to get the "normal" amount of sleep, I'd read you should be sleeping 6-7 hours a night so I thought I was just lazy for wanting 9-10.

[@LauraPalmerD]

I am pretty sure my natural BMI is 18.5 - 19.5ish. Ever since reach an adult body I've been mostly that weight. When I tried to lose due to restriction or lost due to an illness, I've quickly bounced back and same thing happened the few times I went over a bit (to maybe 20), I quickly dropped back again without trying or even changing my diet. Even during my binge eating period, I've never went above that, again w/out trying. Looking at my family and bone structure, it makes sense too. However, I carry fat in my lower belly and even though I would LOVE to have a completely flat stomach, no matter what weight I am, my lower belly will always be round, it was even when I dropped to 15-16 BMI in college. I also don't build muscle easily but have more of a distance runner type of body or 'skinny fat', so I will never look like the current 'strong is beautiful', 'big butt', 'muscular fit girls' trend... I am also flat chested, and I won't be growing double D-s anytime ever. I have a boyish figure, short waist etc, I won't be having an hour-glass figure because well, those hips (meaning my hip bones!) won't be getting wider, my waist won't be getting smaller in comparison, and my height or length of torso won't be changing The list goes on. You are right, you can't change your body type or whatever feels comfortable for your body. Trying to be healthy and letting my body what it needs to do is the best I can do.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Kat yeh, & that’s where peace & quiet lies so we can just get on with life & not have shit from our bodies because they’re so unhappy

[@helenhamilton2544]

Why are there no cinnabon places in the UK ? 😖

[@natashaj4113]

Helen Hamilton they have it in London!

[@helenhamilton2544]

Jammie Dodger looks like I'm going to London !!!

[@elyseirwin2587]

Did you ever deal with overexercise? I'm finally at least 18.5 and I know I need to increase my weight, but I need advice about stopping exercise BC I get so nervous because I'm increasing calories and don't know what'll happen if I stop exercise.

[@megsyrecovery191]

Dorothy Irwin like with food, I think you just have to do it. Stop the exercise, be terrified, feel shit, don’t compensate or restrict, sit with the discomfort. & wait for it to pass naturally. Then keep doing it again & again & realise the thing you were terrified of didn’t happen 😘

[@lauravelden1885]

Dorothy Irwin something that really helps me is to think about what the ED is giving me v.s what a healthy happy mind is gonna give me. Reflecting on that, my ED is f*king up my school, I lost my internship, it's causing trouble in my relationship, my body isn't as pretty and sexy as it used to be, I've fainted a few times, and honnestly. That F**** sucks!! So anytime I got make a decision on I'm I gonna do what my eating disorder would want me to do.. Or what is a healthy propper decision and it's gonna make me healthier and happier in the long term. I think about how much "doing Ed" had screwed up. And I do my hardest best to do the opposite. I now exercise about twice a week, one hour of yoga, and 1 hour of fittnes ( mix between weight training and cardio). I would love to do more, but the reason I wanne do more is to burn more and to lose weight. And that's the wrong motivation!! It should be for fun, to strengthen your body and to grow muscle. That's at least what o think it's about😁 I hope this helps a little perhaps, stay strong, you can do this!! Take actual control over your life 🤗🤗

[@abbyheugel1625]

I'm not sure what this says about me, but seeing you posted a new video was one of the highlights of my weekend. And you're competing with pizza and a new jar of cashew butter. But in all seriousness, you continue to not only inspire, but also entertain. The public demands more Meg! Also, have you ever used tahini in your oats? It's a really nice change from nut butters. I go back and forth. :)

[@megsyrecovery191]

I don’t even know what tahini is 😂 what is it?

[@jumpingturnip]

Megsy Recovery tahini is a kind of thin sauce which is made from sesame seeds ♡ hope I could help

[@abbyheugel1625]

Yup! It's like a nut butter, but made from sesame seeds (and often used in hummus.) It's delicious and a nice change from nut butters and depending on where you are, usually available in grocery stores.

[@linds1139]

"I forgot my peanut butter" literally story of my life ha-ha! Pancakes looking fab.🙌

[@beachnachos]

I frickin love Cinnabon. I’m going to try and bake some home-made-style. Great way to finish out NEDA week!

[@megsyrecovery191]

OMG howwwww would you make your own? Sounds like something I would be terrible at haha.

[@SamSam-cg5up]

The Cinnabon looks incredibly scrumptious ♥️♥️♥️ I also wanna get one in HongKong😭 Omg Meg, you are a beautiful and gorgeous Angel I have ever met.Your personality is so great N you are so inspiring ♥️♥️ Let's fuck if the shit ANOREXIA and the DIET CULTURE. We are deserved to be the one we LOVE N live the life we ENJOY 💓💓💓💓 love you forever 💓👍🏻

[@TheTaylan1993]

Love your point of view. Ty

[@samanthaanne1056]

To the person who commented below me!!! Saaamme never clicked so fast!!!!

[@janicegladstone6999]

Omggg you are so totally right this is me all over!!! 😣

[@Queenbbyj]

Ur cats tail is so cute !!! 🥹🥹

[@elesefrancis7768]

Love your videos and you - just wish there wasn't the "cartoon-like" audio bits.

[@lucystrutton5779]

love youuuu xx

[@annxgao]

yasss i was waiting on this vlog! love you meg :)

[@chrissygo651]

I believe the Cinnabon was amazing, but 🙌so are you ❤️

[@jeannestein5448]

I could never eat that amount in one go !

[@BarbaraMadimenos]

What do you think of people that resent you for your eating disorder? My mom and sister always make me feel like i am the reason they are unhappy in their lives and that everything i do is associated with my eating disorder, meaning if i stopped doing x, y, z, then they would have happier lives. I am not sure jow to take such remarks because there SEVREAL things that I do because I personally enjoy doing them. They blame my eating disorder for all of my behaviours, and when I try to explain that my action is not eating disorder associated, I feel like they are stating they hate ME. I am not sure how to communicate that. I have come to a point that I feel like I only cause misery and i dont deserve anyone.

[@kathleendowner6506]

I think part of training in restraunt food stores should be to not put over your opinions on food at all to people as it can really be harmful just serve and talk about the weather

[@00side00]

could you do a hair routine/ how you style your hair

[@jeremyberry2425]

Amazing words!

[@lizzie9590]

Never clicked on a video so fast lol

[@kathleendowner6506]

That cake looked so yummy I'm getting a carrot cake today 🍰🎂

[@WeEducateAndTutor]

excellent! good on ya!

[@pennymcdonald538]

Also, can you believe I've never had a Cinnabon. Worth trying??

[@megsyrecovery191]

Penny McDonald OMG get one!!!! (& don’t compensate!!)

[@blythefarran7099]

Wet wipes may be a thing for you😂. I’m the same way! I carry them in my glove box! Lol!

[@leannem8195]

I bet those banana pancakes would be good with peanut butter in the batter!! 😊😊

[@megsyrecovery191]

Leanne Moores mmmmm 😋

[@Karla-po9el]

How do you eat more in the week and not binge on weekends?

[@megsyrecovery191]

Karla Reinecke I eat consistently between week and weekends, so don’t have a need to binge at the weekend because I’ve been having the stuff all through the week. I eat regularly every day & don’t cut any food groups

[@pollypocket7260]

I am SO intrigued - where do you live?? English accent but always so sunny!

[@pennymcdonald538]

Yes, yes, yes to everything you said. I've had people say for years that I look good even though my "wise mind" knows better. I know that people are just trying to be kind and they probably don't know what else to say but ....Damn it's hard! My Wise mind knows I'm underweight and it's not a healthy weight, but the eating disorder Rages and thinks "see, you're too fat!"

[@megsyrecovery191]

Whether people think you look good or awful, it’s still only you that has to live in your body & brain. & you know if your minds not right. Whatever some one else says, it doesn’t change the fact our minds are still ill at low weighths 😘

[@danielemorandi2814]

I don't belive in the "set point theory" if a bmi of 19 is clinically considered healthy why would you want to have higher bmi ?It's definetly not the same as height.

[@danielemorandi2814]

There are a LOT of people who are skinny or fit (way more than 1%) and they can mantain it thabks to healthy eating and exercise . Just as long as you are healthy ,don't have an unhealthy bmi you are good,you are no longer hurting yourself . You can look good without an ED

[@lny2659]

For how long have you had anorexia?

[@megsyrecovery191]

15 years