MY AUTISM DIAGNOSIS STORY

[@LisetteAndMarissa]

“I’m autistic, I’m not broken” I love that.

[@gabrielladelgadocastro]

I'm autisic too!

[@90DayFianceCinematicUpscale]

Cure is ready but it’s your choice. You can be happy autistic if you like. It’s a free world.

[@sarahkelly4026]

Stealing it.

[@gabrielladelgadocastro]

@@90DayFianceCinematicUpscale I agree with you

[@leeknowsnose]

@@90DayFianceCinematicUpscale there is no cure for autism. that's your ignorance talking. Please educate yourself. If you want to, watch her videos on how its wrong (the "cure") and what's wrong with it

[@destinynicholson5113]

"I had no actual real relationship with anybody" Those words actually describe what I've been feeling most of my life smh. Thanks for putting it into words for me.

[@faeriesmak]

I feel the same way.

[@juliangiraldo997]

I feel the same, even with family, until I met my partner

[@drawwithhazel]

Same 😔

[@panakinskywalker6391]

same i feel like nobody knows who i actually am apart from my partner because i am kind of fake to everyone to different degrees

[@faeriesmak]

@@panakinskywalker6391 Yep..good old masking.

[@hazeelise]

since I found out I'm autistic, my mother has also accused me of acting more autistic and playing it up... but I really just feel like me, unmasked. so many things I would hide about myself and only do when I was alone, I now understand, so I am more open about them. instead of just ignoring my pain, I voice sensory discomfort.

[@toxicsugarart2103]

Oh that’s a mood.

[@Elielawr]

Reading my exact experiance like this made me tear up a lil. I'm going through that word for word and it's so incredibly validating to hear I'm not alone in this experiance. Except I have not been diagnosed and I'm worried I won't be because my mom will say I'm lying

[@hazeelise]

@@Elielawr ❤️️❤️️❤️️

[@namitaseshadri2638]

ig this is common lmao people really switch up when you drop the mask (by people i mean parents)

[@sarah3412]

Can we talk about how to handle this type of situation? I repeatedly being told by my family member that u suddenly u become more autistic and need more explanation now! worse i was told to shut up. I had mental breakdown few days ago after being told so by my own mom.

[@Elisaatje601]

When I told my boyfriend about me possibly being autistic he wasn't surprised at all, he was really supportive. I'm so sorry yours was a selfish a-hole. I can't believe how he reacted...

[@Elisaatje601]

@Futables Sakura There'll be someone for you too one day ♥️

[@Floof1122]

@Futables Sakura honesty, its better to be alone than have bad company. Always remember that. Don't ever degrade yourself for someone just to feel "wanted". It never works. You'll find a good one one day

[@markerlee2231]

Same for me. My boyfriend is the only one who believes me truly and supports me

[@stephsoohall6841]

@@markerlee2231 awww my ex bf or whatever he was we both have autism well Aspergers and we met at a boarding school in IL and still friends to this day.

[@taresy6789pp]

@@Floof1122 good things comes too those who wait

[@darthbane5676]

Glad you dumped that guy. His reputation was more important to him than your self esteem.

[@VundabarGAWKfan]

I read the comments before watching this. The dude was a bigger jerk than I expected.👏🏻 Good job dumping that shallow ahole.

[@stephsoohall6841]

He wasn’t worth your time or energy

[@Karin-fj3eu]

When I heard that I almost felt like vomiting

[@Nekroido]

"Don't tell anyone I date a r***". That's the massive yikes

[@turtleanton6539]

Indeed😮

[@JordanJSparks]

I doooon't understand how your makeup is always literally perfect.

[@thetonytaye]

Jordan Sparks? The singer?!

[@JordanJSparks]

@@thetonytaye I am a singer but not the one you are thinking of .. lol

[@SuperNovaJinckUFO]

I don't agree, but to each his own. I also just kinda hate makeup.

[@JordanJSparks]

@@SuperNovaJinckUFO.... if you hate Makeup why would you even bother to negate a COMPLIMENT I gave to someone who isn't even you? This compliment was not for you. But thanks for coming along and deciding it doesn't sit right with you for someone else to receive a compliment. Bye.

[@unoffensiveusername1887]

Her highlight is always magical

[@thecheddarshredder]

For other people: If you are neurodivergent or have a diagnosis of sorts...did you ever think “What if it’s just my personality?” How did you reassure yourself?

[@crunchylettuce]

do you mean neurodivergent? I’m going to assume that’s what you meant lol

[@thecheddarshredder]

@@crunchylettuce yes, thank you 🤦‍♀️

[@islapaige8227]

I have several mental health diagnoses and somehow I always knew these things weren’t “normal.” I think it may have been harder if I thought it was just my personality because knowing it wasn’t normal at least I knew I could possibly be helped to not feel that way.

[@NotAyFox]

@@thecheddarshredder I think you had it correct the first time. In autistic community we call this a "Neurotypical Spectrum Disorder" and there's a whole list of issues and deficiencies that these people struggle with all their lives. Obviously this is a joke, but it's kind of fun to look at neurotypicals and flip that on it's head and be able to see just how weird neurotypicals are from my perspective.

[@sophiekerr8964]

I still have a lot of impostor syndrome (officially diagnosed with ADHD and autism). It's become more prominent recently, specifically during Covid. Bit of backstory: at the time I was diagnosed, I was in high school. I was doing A-levels. So the diagnosis didn't really sink in at the time, and I didn't take the time to research what autism meant for me. Straight after school finished, I was working and studying pretty much full-time. This continued until lockdown, when everything stopped. Work, uni, hobbies, seeing people. All gone. In April last year during complete lockdown I started looking more into my diagnosis. One thing that stood out to me was the sensory aspect. I either didn't recognise my sensory symptoms or didn't register them as part of my diagnoses. I didn't recognise it, and so a little part of my brain started being rude and was like "Oh, we don't have sensory issues, so clearly we were misdiagnosed. You're fine. Neurotypical." Then around summer time I started getting sensory overload, it got very noticeable. That's kept happening up until now. I think finally recognising what my autism looks like and seeing it change with me helped a lot. Say what you want about lockdown, and fuck 2020 in particular, but it helped me mentally, in the long run. Not sure how much this answers your question but yeah, sorry for the length. Have a good day!

[@micheletaskey5796]

Omg "I don't want to be known as the guy dating the R word" I just.. Wow

[@CalliopeFlowerFarm]

I just started the video but wow your mom's direct questions about self-harm and un-aliving are so amazing, wow. Way to go mom. More parents need to ask these direct questions.

[@Music-tj9hu]

My mom does

[@JessnHeather]

I would love to hear more about unmasking around family after your diagnosis. I was just diagnosed at 30 years old. What was the process like, how long it took, feeling unsure of what’s real and what’s been you hiding etc.

[@CanadianGoose_1]

I was diagnosed in my 30's too and am figuring this out too! I hope we both can figure it out and that our families accept us when we do... 💛

[@susannebyrd4019]

I would be interested in learning more about this too

[@danyelPitmon]

I also would learn all love to learn about this as well I am 56 and this scares me because currently self diagnosing and I am getting professionally tested in July and I have had so many times but I just wanted to die because of not knowing or understanding myself at all and I know I’ve got a good portion of all the criteria if not 70 to 80% of it and it’s confusing me and I’m trying to figure out what is the real me and what is the mask

[@Rinzler.14]

I am 39, its a relief to finally be able to be myself.

[@gabrielladelgadocastro]

I was diagnosed with ASD at 18 years old! I am still trying to find my place in this world!

[@hbk2377]

“Because I said so” FILLS ME WITH RAGE

[@Candicedickinsonllc]

I don’t think any kids want to hear that . they just are afraid to speak up lol

[@wispofthevalley]

It fills me with boiling rage, no one would actually take this explanation.

[@Bree-jt6pn]

Well henceforth why you guys.... sadly the future of our planet don't know the meaning of no. Smh.

[@wispofthevalley]

@@Bree-jt6pn Excuse, but don't talk about a generation you aren't in and clearly know nothing about. What is one valid reason to tell your child "Because I said so", hm?

[@ImJustDragonOkay]

Seriously....the hell?! That pissed me off SO much hearing that a child psychologist freaking said that. Every child is curious because they are A CHILD and just learning the world! That is natural and it should be that way! If you don't explain things to them, how the hell are they going to understand things?! Your job as a parent is to teach your children these things and how to navigate the world and their feelings and etc etc. Her example is perfect: how is a child supposed to know that going out of sight of their parents/guardians/caretakers/etc in public is dangerous if you don't explain that to them in an age appropriate way?! This pisses me off SO BADLY. Hearing it from anyone is bad enough, but a goddamned child psychologist?!?! Disgusting. /rant

[@1995wemsammnyo]

My mom is really into meditation and says stuff like "empty your mind, don't think of anything" and I'm like, "you can do that?!"

[@a.l.p.h.i.e.s.t.y.1305]

Same lmfao I’m always told to just “not think about it” and I’m just like “dude I can’t even stop thinking about the texture of the pillow I’m laying on, how do I take my mind off of my literal fucking trauma?”

[@issecret1]

It's not unusual to not be able to do that, I think it's quite a stupid thing to ask of people

[@vickyviola1930]

Yes, you can. But it takes practice. It’s not necessarily “not thinking about anything” it’s a learning to train your mind to slow down your thoughts. It helps me with anxiety and I feel relaxed after I meditate. Definitely look into it.

[@codiangelcake]

Ita not so much "don't think" it's just *bring awareness to your body* so shifting focus from "don't think, empty your mind" to breathing (so thinking "breath in, breathe out.." brings you into your body whereas just sitting down and expecting to empty your mind keeps you trapped in your head.) So it's more about gaining control of your mind and wandering thoughts to be more present in your body rather than emptying your head of any thought ever haha

[@rosemacaskie]

I agree with Codi Marcel below, he talks about concentrating on your breathing and by so doing emptying your mind. I was taught that if you concentrate on a spot or a candle flame or your breathing, but, breathing is also used to learn more about yourself, your phsycal reactions, changes of breathing in response to a stressing or good situation as well as, as a support to fix on so as to calm yourself down, that concentration quiets your mind, empties it. A support is something you concentrate on so as to distract you from your obsessive worries on your daily affairs and so to calm you down. The thing is that you dont actually empty your mind by emptying it, you concentrate on bringing your mind back to the support, a flame or the spot, which is a boring thing to do and as it is boring obliges you have to concentrate a lot, if you dont concentrate on try to keep ypur mind on the support, you dont realise that your mind has wandered. Also, as your mind keeps wandering away from the flame or the spot or your breath so that you need to concentrate, you are kept pretty busy, especially at first, catching yourself losing the support and bringing your mind back to your boring support and this occupation stops you thinking of the things you worry obsessively about, so that your mind calms down. Your real activity is bringing your mind back to the support. Meditation on a spot is meant to better you ability to concentrate. When you mind calms down, quietens, then the computer part of your brain that sorts out your worries for you can sort things out without being interrupted by repetitious thought that does not really answer your worries. Your unconscious brain will then give answers your conscious brain does not give you, and does not time to find, as the answers might be unexpected, which is very energising. When you stop meditating you find you feel great, so full of energy. It also means that your unconscious brain might sort out some stuff your conscious mind did not think needed sorting or that your unconscious mind might just know worried you, that your conscious brain thought just did not matter all. Meditation can stop you worrying about things without you having a clue that you were sorting things out, so without traumatising you, I guess. there are things it does not solve or did not for me, how to fight things our for example. I dont though know which meditaions are suitable, safe for which mental tendencies, autists, depressive etc. I have heard from Ramiro Calles,who taught me, from his talks, that relaxation, with hatha yoga, properly done is useful and doen any old way is safe though not useful, which is stretching exercises which relax peoples muscles, exercises which are held for about thirty seconds with a thirty second pause after each to relax in, Relax standing for standing exercises or lying down for sitting etc, ones between each exercise. You can find a book on relaxing exercises that have nothing to do with yoga The program of exercises can then be followed by relaxation. People lying down and relaxing their body, toes to head or however the teacher does relaxation. People relax better after exercises and relaxation is a type of meditation. Catholics, who use Ramiro Calle in order to learn meditacion, also blacken him as hard as they can. They hope to incorporate meditation into their own practices but want to stop a person who talks of India from having any influlence among Christians.

[@chloe_3787]

I have never even considered the possibility of myself not being neurotypical. But I am the stressed out, straight of the edge, academically competitive, top of the class *girl.* The severe pressure I have always felt (not from my parents, literally from nothing except my own mind) was something that I just always thought every other super smart kid felt. I think maybe it’s more anxiety and OCD, but still, Paige has opened my eyes to how easily girls can mask anything.

[@analuizafelixdesouza6336]

I relate to your first 3 sentences, I was always top of the class girl, extremely anxious, only accepted A and A+, got very frustrated when I got lower grades even though my parents always said it was fine to not do perfect. Found out I was Autistic last year (not saying you are). Hang in there, you're not alone.

[@Vaskis4life]

Saaaame. Suuper high achiever, constantly stressed, constantly excited, and was weirdly obsessed with irish traditional music from age of about 14 (I'm not Irish). Only AFTER finishing my PhD in neuroscience did I really realise "huh... maybe everyone else isn't constantly overwhelmed by every sensations?" I've embarked on a journey of hearing more from autistic women, because the differences in symptoms were absolutely not taught to us in university!

[@chloe_3787]

@@Vaskis4life wow that’s crazy! Even at the doctoral level or neuroscience it’s not addressed. I feel like one thing I do really well is match the social cues of others. It’s easy for me to blend in, but I constantly feel like I’m standing out (Did I greet that person the right way? Am I asking my friends too many questions? What about that random social situation eight years ago?). I hated school dances-didn’t feel like I knew how to act. I wasn’t on social media until I graduated high school just because I never wanted it in middle school. Then it got to a point of “well everyone’s had it for years, so if I got it now that would be weird, and I wouldn’t know what I was doing.” I finally did it because I wanted to keep up with everyone I went to school with. I swear to god I’m not insecure though (I’m the one wearing a mask on my face when only three other kids in a lecture hall of 50 are). Again, so much of that could be generalized anxiety. I also don’t feel like it’s an extra burden for me; it’s how I’ve been for as long as I can remember: a chronic over-thinker. I know stress is unhealthy, but I really can’t imagine my life without it.

[@Vaskis4life]

@@chloe_3787 So to be fair my PhD was focused on a completely unrelated subject (hearing).. but in my undergrad degree I don't remember it being discussed much beyond just a mention! But yess I completely completely agree with the rest of that! I am quite sociable and bubbly so most people would have absolutely no idea, but as a kid I really struggled to make friends and a lot of people thought I was weird. I feel like I had to consciously learn "how to behave" around people, and even now it's a constant process of making sure I'm not talking too much or too little or spending too long on one thing... Also an interesting thing I realised: throughout university I surrounded myself and made friends with mainly people on the spectrum (a big bunch of physicists and musicians). I always thought I was "normal" and I just liked hanging out with spectrum people because they seemed more interesting and straight-forward than neurotypicals. THEN I left university, got a job, and now suddenly I'm realising I'm FARR from "normal" and probably actually inadvertently surrounded myself with like-minded people!! XD

[@airie14]

I agree kids definitely deserve an answer other than “Because I said so” how else will they ever learn?

[@angelamenjivar7366]

I’m 19 and have essentially been self diagnosed for about a year because it has been so extremely difficult to get a diagnosis. My psychiatrist is treating me for anxiety and thinks autism is a likely possibly but can’t diagnose me. I relate so much to being told I’m “acting more autistic now.” Ever since finding this out about myself I have been learning to accept myself, be comfortable, and unmask. Just tonight my mom and said to me “well how come you haven’t done (x) for the past 19 years?” and I started crying because I have always been like this, it has always been me, I was just hiding or suppressing the real me. My mom is very supportive, but I think it’s hard for her to understand me even when she thinks she does. Videos like this are what keep me going until I can find people in our community I’m comfortable with and accepted by and until I can get my diagnosis

[@citygirlsup26]

i've had the exact same experience with my mum :)

[@faeriesmak]

My Mom is also autistic so to her I seem pretty normal.

[@rachyljean]

Ugh, when you said that your mom didn't know who you were at 16 years old... I feel that on such a deep level. I'm 27, and for 26 years, my mom only knew the masked version of me, so now that I'm dropping that mask more and more... she doesn't really seem to like me anymore. It's hard, but thank you so much for sharing so I don't feel so alone anymore. :)

[@NIGHTBLOODUSAGI]

I think I relate to the basic situation? like, my mom hasn't seen me cry so much in SO long, but I've jsut been cracking alot(masking unknowingly sucks oml) and crying randomly. she doesn't take well and yells at me for crying even telling me that she will give me a reason because she doesn't know why I am(she says it's because she doesn't understand why im crying which i definitely think is some internal trauma issue she has) and I feel like the more I try to be myself the more she distances herself. it's very little, but i can even feel it in my sister, me and my sister aren't even that close and yet we are getting further apart. like, I learn different ways to stim(somewhat new to autism) and then i do them, but she looks annoyed or uncomfortable and I feel like she hates me so bad. I wasn't that good at masking but the little things i am good at masking are showing and it's even worse when i like..live with my mom

[@getmorbed5550]

I was just diagnosed with ADHD, and my therapist told me that I "can't have autism because you were masking the whole time you were getting diagnosed". That just doesn't make sense. I've had to mask all day at school. I scored "autism likely" on the test but no official diagnosis. I just feel stuck.

[@dont_harsh_my_mellow]

See another therapist. See. Another. Therapist. You know yourself better than they do and you clearly scored high enough on that test to be a shoe in for possible autism. To be dismissed for masking is adding insult to injury. I’m sorry you have to go through that. It’s difficult to hear those things said to your face. Wow. 😞

[@Elielawr]

I took online tests as well and got "stronge likelihood" (the highest option) and everyone I talk to says I definantly don't and i feel so invalid I know for a fact that I've been unknowingly masking since forever and now that I'm homeschooled I stopped and now im suddenly "faking it"

[@anona2017]

As a last resort you could pay out of pocket for the assessment through embrace autism, they understand masking well.

[@kureru3522]

Yeah sometimes they say stuff that don't hold up to scrutiny. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me with ADHD told me I can't have autism too, because I was maintaing good eye contact (mind you, we were on a video call and I was looking at his bowtie the whole time, not that eye contact is a definitive way to exclude autism anyway) and that I was too empathetic, since I worked in customer service. My therapist also said I have too much empathy, compared to her other autistic clients. I don't blame her for being biased by stereotypes, but that's kind of rude in my opinion.

[@ginaa.6877]

I just got diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year as well and the evaluator was like "You can't have autism because you had friends" so now my therapist is trying to help me find someone new to go to instead

[@patient.x]

I got diagnosed yesterday after it taking two years of assessments and meetings and it feels amazing to finally have a reason for my feelings and why my brain seemed to work differently to everyone else I knew

[@amyouderkirk4294]

Hi Tal, Happy to hear you finally got answers. Are you in Canada too? Care to share how the process went? Thanks!

[@27ratsinatrenchcoat90]

Congratulations! I recommend looking into what accomodations your work or school has for autistic people, since now that you have an official diagnosis, you can get access to them. Have a great day! ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

[@patient.x]

@@amyouderkirk4294 I'm from England so it's probably fairly different referral and testing wise

[@sushilovermf]

wait it can take that long??? 😀

[@patient.x]

@@sushilovermf for me it did but covid definitely impacted it so it might have been less if lockdown didn't happen, also I was apparently a difficult one to diagnose since they were so unsure so it just depends on your circumstances but for me it definitely took a while

[@amourasundaridevereaux6916]

Stories like this are keeping me alive while I wait for my assessment in a few weeks. I’m not broken, and there is a future waiting for me. Thank you!

[@islapaige8227]

I’m neurotypical so I don’t know exactly what you’re going through but I have several mental health diagnoses and have been in dark places. Hang in there. You absolutely do have a future and you have to stick around to experience it. Lots of love ❤️

[@mombehavingdadly5800]

She’s incredible, isn’t she? You’re not broken, you’re amazing! Hang in there, you’re loved and there are more people like you than you realize. Love and healing to you ❤️ You got this!!

[@toni5543]

How are you doing now?

[@Olliepop608]

My heart dropped when you said your ex told you not to tell anyone. I relate so hard. I didn't know until recently that I was autistic but I dated someone for all of middle school beginning of high school that made me feel this way and he made me mask. My mom is also undiagnosed autistic so I didn't know until I started dating him that people expected me to mask and I remember having long conversations with him trying to correct my behavior and make me act like he wanted me to be perceived.

[@katatara6447]

Can we please agree how brilliant David Templeman's diagnostic method is? Breaking down the patients' walls is the quickest way to see them behave without acting, no masking, just pure vulnerable people being true to their essence. Also the observation before the assessment is pretty smart.

[@punkym00ns1]

Hearing your story has given me so much clarity. I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and OCD also. I’m 19 and I just found out I am autistic. I was told I had ADHD when I was 11 but to me, that diagnosis always seemed... slightly off. It’s so interesting how many of the things you discussed in this video I lived. Thank you for sharing so much with us. You are a treasure.

[@Alster26]

I'm 27 and was recently diagnosed with ASD and your KZbin videos and Tik Toks played a big part in why I decided to seek a diagnosis. I just found myself identifying with a lot of the symptoms that you and other Autistic creators described and I've always struggled with understanding and engaging socially. So thanks for the great content and being part of my diagnosis story.

[@crispyyrosee]

Same here!

[@ThesaurusToblerone]

Nah, I'm pretty sure very few people can stop thinking altogether. When they say "empty your mind" in yoga I don't take it literally. My thoughts do slow down though and become more simple and pleasant. Like I think of my cat or the beach or something.

[@livbrooks4194]

My younger sister was just diagnosed last summer, and some family members were really crappy about it. you’ve been a major help for her and i’m really glad you and your platform exist. thank you for educating me about how to support my sister, and for being so validating to her!

[@syleenadawn2038]

My 12 yr old daughter was just diagnosed in April! I'm in BC Canada, and we paid privately for the assessment. My daughter reminds me a lot of you!

[@bbbbb3474]

Please Syleena Dawn, how much did you pay for the assessment?

[@syleenadawn2038]

@@bbbbb3474 It was 1600 for us. We're on Vancouver island. My own ASD assessment was 2200. So it depends on the psychologist too!

[@bbbbb3474]

@@syleenadawn2038 Thank you very much for your answer. We’re on Vancouver Island too, and I want to assess my son who’s going to be 2 years next July, and $1600 little bit expensive.

[@syleenadawn2038]

@@bbbbb3474I would have him referred to VICAAN (Vancouver Island Childrens Autism Assessment Network), your GP or Pediatrician can send in this referral. The waitlist is anywhere from 10-18 months usually so the sooner the better! These assessments are free/covered through Canada Health!

[@bbbbb3474]

@@syleenadawn2038 thank you so much for your recommendation, I appreciate it 🙏

[@kelsiismirliesmusic]

I'm neurotypical and my brain never turns off. I've never been without a thought in my head - so we do exist!

[@Candicedickinsonllc]

I think most people are on overload 😭 just for different reasons

[@mattkeflowers]

So glad I watched. I'm 31, just diagnosed a few months ago (story below). But I've been working through what that unmasking looks like with friends and family. I've tried to embrace rather than hide things that I've learned are just part of being autistic. Things like my love of bright colorful clothing and decorations, or a few ticks that I used to get embarrassed by and would fight to suppress, and recently I've opened up more with folks at work. As always thank you, Paige. I asked for a behavioral health eval for anxiety and depression toward the end of last year. I threw in sensory processing disorders as well. This because I had noticed the way my whole body seemed to relax when I used a pair of high-quality noise cancelling headphones. It was an hour long appointment that went for two hours. I felt peppered with questions and at times she would ask me these strange things but the break through was when she asked "Do you find light touch (like finger tips/nails moving over your skin) uncomfortable?" And I stared blankly and asked "yeah, my whole life why?" She said "I think you're autistic". I asked why no one who had evaluated me before caught it, and she said "honestly, if you're verbal, amd they can explain most of the other stuff with anxiety, ADHD, or depression... most don't look for autism."

[@fluorotoluene]

Thanks so much for all your content - as a 56 year-old who grew up in an era when diagnosis wasn't even possible (and when well-meaning parents tried to force children to act neurotypical), it's fantastic to instead see autism framed as functional characteristics. My own teenage response was a combination of disengagement and masking (and reading so very many books), but it wasn't until very recently that I realized how much of my self is simply perfectly normal autism. I honestly don't know how autistic people who weren't bright enough to create an active neurotypical persona ever got by in society. Please keep pushing that autism itself isn't something to be cured, so that we can all be ourselves, and especially so that autistic teenagers will better know their individual selves.

[@kyraamethyst2005]

Holy shit you sound so much like me in the way you talk and express yourself! Thank you for sharing your story! I am a 26-year-old Canadian Autistic female who was diagnosed 3 months ago. I have gone through both grief and relief (and I still am). I am learning to know who I am outside of masking.

[@briiittany99]

Has anyone found their autism traits (diagnosed or not) have gotten worse with age? I struggle more than ever in social interactions, barely make eye contact anymore. Like everything’s gotten worse.

[@spankmcnasty2687]

Hi briiittany. I'm 55 years old. I was diagnosed last year. My autism traits are definately getting worse with age. When I look back at how I was just ten years ago, (employed etc.) I am astonished I was able to endure and cope. I couldn't immagine putting myself in those same situations now. To be honest, I am amazed at how hard I pushed myself when I was younger and how much mentally tougher I was back then. My social anxiety is worse than ever now. Putting myself in situations and working in jobs that were completely unsuited to an autistic personality. I could never manage now. Worked out I've had 25 jobs so far. Can't imagine there will be another.

[@estefanigonzalez8514]

Same, I think is called Autistic regression

[@wyass4722]

AND gotten worse during quarantine. I can barely keep eye contact for ten seconds, and can't control my repetitive behaviours. I feel like I just unlearned what I spent my whole life trying to learn

[@briiittany99]

I always masked very very well but I find I’m struggling more than ever to hide it now. And the more I’m aware the traits are showing the worse I act because I get self conscious that it’s obvious I’m struggling and that makes me struggle more lol

[@spankmcnasty2687]

@@briiittany99 I have been very good at masking all of my life. However, in the last 10 or so years, I seem to be losing the desire to mask any more, or at least as much as I have in the past. I am not afraid of being bullied any more. I don’t care as much about what people think of me. It’s also becoming much harder and more draining for me to do and sustain for long periods of time. I saw a KZbin video the other day of a young autistic guy going for a job interview. He was the type of autistic that didn’t mask at all so all of his autistic traits were on display. I felt an immediate connection with him. His facial expressions, body language, and verbal responses were almost exactly like mine, before I passe them through the masking software that deletes the autistic stuff and makes everything look normal. At my age, I kind of envy him. It must be far less confusing.

[@planetbooktube8196]

You’re very inspirational person Miss Paige ☺️ I’m sorry you’ve battled suicidal thoughts. Being on the autistic spectrum myself, and being misunderstood my whole life, I’ve had those thoughts too. I’m glad you were able to get through them and I can honestly say the world is a better place with you in it ☺️

[@xunjo]

Thank you for sharing your story! Females on the spectrum can get a lot of judgement due to acceptable masking. Some people can't wrap their minds around others suffering and not sharing. Autistic men obviously have their own stigmas, but I mention women because autism in females has always been treated differently. Glad you're working on being true to yourself ♥

[@maddieellis5659]

Whenever I get excited, i stim, A LOT. so, I have to really mask in front of my parents because they always yell at me and tell me to stop. They also force me to make eye contact with them, and I HATE it. I really, really need to get a diagnosis. They yell at me for things that are clearly autism or adhd, and expect me to act like the average 9th grader. Like, no? Is it not obvious that I’m autistic?

[@Daniel_Paterson]

I'm so sorry about your situation with your parents, I can definitely relate with most of your comment. Some people aren't good at dealing with mental health disorders or autism and unfortunately those people happen to be the parents of us who happen to have them. It sucks having parents who try to get you to act 'normal', get you to do things which make you feel extremely uncomfortable, and just don't treat you how they should. I would try to say something encouraging but I haven't really been able to think of anything other than saying that you're not the only one going through this and that there are some people in this world who will do what your parents aren't able to and help you get through everything.

[@nietoperzzszafy2996]

When they force you to make eye contact you can try looking at their nose, cheek, mouth or eyebrow. People can't see difference. I don't know if this will be helpful, but might will.

[@emmad4308]

@@nietoperzzszafy2996 seconded the eyebrows or the bit inbetween the eyebrows works best. I tested this on a bunch of people, I found looking just past them made them ask what I was looking at behind them, same with ears etc. Except for one friend, who didn't notice the difference in eye contact. He got diagnosed with autism later on.

[@b_ecs4910]

I’ve been on a waiting list for my country’s public mental health services over a year, my family has had to result to starting down the private route to look at getting some form of diagnosis, autism or something else, for me. My therapist said I had some of the worst sensory issues she’s come across in 30 years of work, she’s dead set on getting me tested for autism. Watching these videos genuinely keeps me going, it’s just nice to know people are surviving, that they’re coping in one way or another. Gives me hope!

[@solarsatori]

I tried so hard to get a diagnosis for my tics and other issues for years and always got told they would go away so eventually I stopped trying. I saw your video speaking with your mom about your experience and it made me want to pursue getting a diagnosis again and finally FINALLY yesterday I got my evaluation back and was diagnosed with Tourettes and ADHD as well as anxiety. I just want to say that you had a part in this and the content you put out there is important and I appreciate it so much. I'm 29 and finally have a diagnosis.

[@shewho333]

I’ve been trying to get my daughter diagnosed since she was four years old. She’s 12 now. We finally got another referral today to go for yet another CDRC assessment. Her therapists/skills trainer are convinced, so I hope whoever we get this time to do the testing can see what we all KNOW. wish us luck! 🙏🙏🙏

[@siobhannelson5386]

good luck :) i wish you and your family the best!!

[@ilymundy]

good luck! hope your daughter gets her diagnosis soon!

[@sandrahart6033]

Wishing you and your daughter the very best and hope that you get her diagnosis this time 🤞🤞🤞❤️❤️

[@kiera2867]

Good luck!!!

[@mediocretriplethreat]

Good luck! Remember that self-diagnosis is totally valid if you're not able to get the answers you need!

[@watchingthebees]

I’m autistic too, only diagnosed last year when I was 18. I attempted suicide at the age of 15, I was almost in a coma, and still, everyone made me feel like a burden and no one cared. I was so upset in hospital and apologised to my mum but she just told me “it’s okay, you’re not normal” as an insult. It was only after I got out from that abusive environment that I was finally diagnosed, and now I feel like I can finally begin accepting myself. As you said “I’m not broken, I’m autistic”; I’m not an alien, I’m not wrong, I’m a perfectly normal autistic person. Receiving my diagnosis truly changed my life in every single aspect, I feel like an actual human being now, one that deserves the same decency and kindness as other people. I can finally breathe.

[@brnne]

The yoga part, ooh that makes so much sense. I never truly relax on yoga, only when the meditation are guided with visual imagination...

[@NataliaMartinez-kp8ip]

About a year ago, I was told that maybe I’m autistic by a friend of mine who is a doctor. I was weirded out by it and didn’t look into it until recently. I’ve been doing extensive research and I do believe I am autistic. It makes so much sense. I’ve always felt like an alien in this world. I’m afraid to tell my therapist, psychiatrist, let alone family and friends. I remember I told my therapist about it and he said I literally can’t be autistic because I look normal, smile and empathize with people. And that really made me doubt everything. But the more I research, the more I identify myself as autistic. I’m so afraid to tell anyone. 🥺 Thank you for sharing your story, Paige. You make me feel less alone.

[@artsy_marcypan]

I got diagnosed a week ago, and I’m having a lot of doubt and impostor syndrome. I really relate to some of the things Paige said at the end, especially with accepting the diagnosis. Hell, my mum said something similar to hers (mine said “ever since you fixated that you’re autistic, you’ve been acting like an autistic”) and that made me feel awful, so I’m glad someone else has been through something similar and I’m not alone.

[@silverwolf9001]

Aye. I have ADHD and am on the spectrum, and I for years as a kid struggled to feel like I belonged in the world. I also had trouble following directions and paying attention, even sitting still in school. I wrote a whole college essay about these challenges I been through. More importantly, I really appreciate your content and your personality. Keep up the great work, Paige.

[@venustrapsflies]

Hi I'm 13 and I've been researching since August 2020 and I have both asd and ADHD symptoms and I'm not quite sure what to tell me parents. At first I thought I had ADHD and then asd and I'm not exactly sure what to do.

[@marifabPTY]

I wanna thank you cuz, thanks to you, I'm halfway through my evaluations, and was just told today that I am, in fact, in the spectrum :) . I started suspecting whilst watching your Tiktoks in 2020, right after being diagnosed with ADHD. THANK YOU so much for teaching us!!

[@sarah3412]

Relate~~!!! I do learn about autism by Paige's video as well

[@sywitz]

I don't know if I have autism but I can't stop watching your videos. I have never had anxiety as severe as you have, but I relate to so much of what you talk about. I was also an overachiever, now graduated from like, the top engineering school. Thoughts never stopping, obsessiveness, trouble sleeping, extreme empathy, strong sense of justice, hypersensitivity, and feeling alien in most social settings are very relatable. It's extremely cathartic to hear someone talk about their experiences so alike mine. I do feel this sense of burnout, having recently entered the workforce, but I am glad to have my partner and close friends by my side. I feel very hesitant to pathologize as I don't want a label to sway or manifest my perception. I will discuss this with my therapist, though it scares me to bring it up.

[@inkfingers5619]

Thank you for sharing your story. My whole family knows I am Autistic, but after some unpleasant childhood experiences, I became very self-conscious of my atypical behavior and don't even feel comfortable stimming in front of my family. It is very stressful to try and act appropriately even in front of family and friends. I hope I can be brave like you and let myself be comfortable in my own skin.

[@randomatwork15]

I really feel for you. It’s uncanny, years ago when I was having the worst mental health episode of my life, for all the same reasons you said (I was just so overwhelmed and so burned out and struggling hugely), I even wrote the exact same thing you did on that referral sheet. Only thing is, I got diagnosed with other stuff. But now, I’m finally pursuing a diagnosis (at 25). I thank you so much for spreading so much awareness, because people like you have helped me realise who I am so much.

[@Snugs_does_life]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through such a tough diagnostic process! I got my autism (asperger's) diagnosis Just 4 days ago, and it's been so weird how people react? Like I have gotten so many "oh I'm so sorry" like.. What?

[@AG-bq2zd]

This is so similar to my diagnosis story. I’m female and was diagnosed in a mh hospital at 16 (now 20), where they told me it would previously have been called Asperger’s. I slowly became such a different, more well balanced person, as I accepted myself. I eventually unmasked in front of my parents which was great (but sometimes I wish I could re-mask lol so people would speak to me normally, like yeah I find it hard to speak but I have an IQ of 140)... The lockdowns have been terrible for my interpersonal skills because I didn’t feel the need to talk to anyone, so just didn’t, and now I cannot hold a conversation 🤓

[@barrycarter7274]

My social skills have taken a nose dive after lockdown for so long. Basically having to relearn it..

[@laurenamydavidson5117]

I was diagnosed with autism at 11! We had to go through a lot of appointments before we got to that point! Was a relief to find out! And I'm sorry your boyfriend treated you that way he doesnt deserve you! Having autism is nothing to be ashamed of! Your incredible keep going :)

[@richardrosenthal9552]

My son is high functioning Autistic like you. He has always said I am Autistic and it can’t be fixed because it is who I am. Getting help that fits his needs is almost impossible because he wasn’t properly diagnosed until he was an adult. To get assistance you must be diagnosed before you are 21. You are so positive and open you make comfortable to talk about this. Keep safe and stay like you are. You are amazing.

[@JuliaCalis]

I love to feel this recognition, I’m getting my official diagnosis right now.

[@axlaspie4347]

@Custom BatchServices autism isn't something to cure

[@matthewking8806]

Thanks for sharing this. I'm self-diagnosed at age 65. Looking back on my life, being autistic explains so much. I'm at peace with myself and know that I'm different, but not less than. I'm uniquely different.

[@ladyfoxytales]

Since my ADHD diagnosis I've been feeling like it is more apparent and more detrimental than it ever was and your "I didn't have to mask as much" just made me realise why. Thanks for sharing with us.

[@toni5543]

For real. I'm still waiting my assessment but since ny doctor told me It could be adhd and I've learned so much I can see it en ever facet of my life now. Its surprising still today how far it affects everything in my life.

[@amyiddon782]

I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 25. I’m now 32 and mum and wife. I see my autism as a super power because I see things around me different. My husband is so patient and helps me in social situations. I’ve only just found your channel and it’s great to see someone speaking about autism on such a high platform. Well done and love from the uk xxx

[@rayati2284]

I started displaying autistic traits as a toddler, but I only got diagnosed at age 5 because that was back in the days of the DMS-IV, so at first the experts were like "some form of PDD-NOS, BUT NOT AUTISM", and even then, I was diagnosed with Asperger's. My parents were told not to tell me about my difference until I was considered mature enough to understand, and it wasn't until two days before my 14th birthday that I was told, during a time when I wasn't doing very well mentally. When I learned that, I was so happy I almost cried. I had somehow never completely picked it up despite years of speech therapy, motor skills therapy, and generally being treated a bit differently at school. Even so, I always felt like I was different from my peers, but I couldn't really tell how. If anything, I strongly believe that telling me earlier might have saved me quite a few tears and confusion. Today, I am 19 years old and I have fully shed the mask; I am a goddamn autistic! >:)

[@ladyk.3630]

I’m so glad you shared. Found your channel a month ago and sent my mom the video where you interviewed your mom about autism. From there the ball started rolling - I found a psychiatrist who’s willing to work with me soon. Just wanted to say that I relate to so much of what you’re saying, and don’t listen to haters on social media - please keep making videos and talking about autism because it’s been helping me so much and I’m sure many other people as well. I’ve been suicidal for 6 months straight, and couldn’t understand why I’m always crying even though I have a good life. Even tonight I tried to study for my exam tomorrow but I’m so burnt out and stressed that I can’t focus. My thoughts are everywhere. If I hadn’t found your videos when I did... if I didn’t realize that I’m autistic - I dunno how I’d be handling it all. So thank you

[@zeuslgn]

I'm halfway through and livid with Doc Templeton over the Because I Said So thing. That was always my biggest pet peeve as a kid. Don't ever tell a kid that. You will not solve the problem, you will actively contribute to it.

[@carla8478]

Yep, it's a too simple and too often used phrase in parenting. I think its original source was in the principle of needing to teach your children to show respect for authority. But respect for authority doesn't mean the same thing as subversing yourself. For my kids I tried to explain 'why' as often as I could. (Not always practical in every situation.) I would listen to them, take their perspectives into account, and provide for their needs. These actions showed them I was a leader who could be trusted. Cause there are times, you don't have time to explain, there's an emergency or something and you need them to respond to a necessary 'cause I said so.' (Doesn't have to be that specific phrasing) But, if you don't lay trusting ground work first, or if you overuse that phrase, they won't trust you enough to listen and you have lost connection with your children. Another explanation I would use when dealing with authority issues is I would point out to them that a ship has to have a captain. Discussions are open, we can talk about issues, something someone contributes may lead us in a better direction than the one we started going because they thought of something we didn't consider. But, in the end, if nobody can come to an agreement, the captain has to make a final call or else the ship isn't going anywhere. To me that is an authority's role. Not, just do what I say, but hear everyone out, try the best to accommodate, but if there is no consensus, make the best final call you can. I feel like this has really helped me as a parent. My kids know they are heard and cared about, so they are willing to let go and trust when I do have to make a call they disagree with. I really dislike modern society's interpretation of authority as I have the power so you have to do what I say.

[@manaspajamas5071]

Paige, I'm SO GLAD you posted this video! I know it's an older one, and I'm going to share a bit of my life story with you just to help you understand how much this video affected me. My parents have suspected autism in me since I was six years old, but I've never been officially diagnosed, nor do I plan on being diagnosed for the reason you kept it hidden for so long. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I started doing research because I felt so disconnected and I had ALWAYS felt that I was different from other people, I just couldn't put my finger on it. Once I discovered autism within myself, I also began to embrace it in ways I wasn't even realizing, but my loved ones did. My parents, brother, and I lived in a trailer for a short time, while I was getting ready for a wedding to my now-husband. A lot of baggage I had no idea people were storing came out, and it was so traumatic for me at the time, that I blocked a lot of what was said in my memory. But something you said made me have a flashback, and I remembered, my mom (who is the sweetest person on earth, going through so much at the time) said the exact same thing, only she sort of blew up in my face about it. She, too, said that I was just playing it up, that I was "acting" a lot more autistic since finding out I was autistic. Your explanation of why you "acted" more autistic was the missing piece as to why I was "acting" more autistic. I was being my authentic autistic self; I was no longer masking in front of my family members because I felt safe around them. But due to what happened during those days in the trailer, I've also had to rebuild my relationships with my parents and brother. For the past two years since that traumatic episode took place, I've been trying to figure out why they thought I wasn't being myself, when in fact I hadn't felt more true to who I was since I was little. Paige, you have answered some long, tearful, heartfelt prayers concerning that situation. Thank you for posting this video, you've made me understand that what happened wasn't my fault; I wasn't "acting," I was unmasking, and it felt so normal for me, but very alien to my family members. Thank you, THANK YOU for giving me the clarity I've been seeking, you are truly an inspiration for people struggling with autism (I hope you don't take offense to that, I really do admire and look up to you).

[@manaspajamas5071]

@custombatchservices6981 I don't mean to offend you when I say this, and you're probably just a troll, yet I think this is important to point out: You don't just "get over" autism. It's a neurodevelopmental disorder, with many hidden complications, especially when you try to "fix" it. It's almost like saying "we've cured Alzheimer's disease using these supplements," or "I gained my sight/hearing/limb back by doing this one simple trick." News flash: That's not how autism works. Look, I believe in the placebo effect (I am a woman of faith), but if there is a miracle performed about your son "getting over" autism, for me, it would be considered far too sacred to share with the rest of the world, when they would be doubting naysayers about it (like potentially what I'm doing to you right now, although I doubt it). I am honestly getting fed up with some people stirring the pot when it comes to autism and finding the latest thing that claims to "cure" it. What is so wrong about being autistic? Why do you feel the need to fix us all the time? Just let us be ourselves, accommodate us to the best of YOUR ability, and we will do our best to not freak out every time the world just gets to be too overwhelming for us.

[@manaspajamas5071]

@custombatchservices6981 Update: Not to point the finger, but this "doc" looks like a scam to me. I sincerely hope you were not an innocent victim of this guy's shenanigans. Who knows, you might be the mule for this guy, but in any case, think twice before bringing the autistic community into these get rich quick or "cured" schemes. You people really don't know who you're messing with. 👉👁_👁👈

[@edithnorrbom4531]

Hi Paige, I just wanted to say that you are such a good story teller. I usually get bored during these types of videos but your video was so engaging and helpful to watch. ❤️❤️

[@alydunno18]

I feel very similar to you. Unfortunately though Im an American and have never been able to see someone about my mental health issues. Seeing your story just reminds me to listen to myself more. Whenever I've tried to reach out for help I've been told I don't need it, that I'm normal or others don't see what I'm talking about. With mental health in America it is still so hard. Progress has been made, but there is still miles to go here as far as normalizing mental health. Also I wanted to say I'm so sorry for that boyfriend who said that when he learned your diagnosis. At the same time though, atleast you know sooner to kick him to the curb right? Sending you love and positive vibes!

[@kkhembree11]

I just now realized that I have autism and I’m sobbing because there’s just so much relief like I have a reason for everything now and I’m mind blown. My story is very similar to yours so it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

[@jessisworld2574]

Thank you so much for speaking about this. It’s really hard to find youtubers or people in general who talk about mental health that you can actually relate to on a deeper level. So thank you for that 🤍

[@alexandrapenter8961]

I'm going through autistic burnout and unmasking age 40, I totally identify with what you say Paige. I suddenly felt like my identity had exploded and all my closest relationships were fake - I thought I was having a personality breakdown or a psychotic break! Who was I in relation to all these people, did they really know me and did I even know myself? Watching your videos helps me understand much more what is happening to me and helps me put words to these feelings. Thankyou so much xx

[@faeriesmak]

I have felt the same way. I hope that you are doing well!

[@AydanJane]

I can SO RELATE when you said you can't believe that neurotypical people sometimes dont have thoughts. I seriously cannot imagine that at all omg

[@thecheddarshredder]

Obviously I haven’t watched the video yet, but thank you for sharing your story. I myself would like to get a diagnosis because clearly something about me just isn’t quite “right”. I’m not sure if it’s autism or adhd or something else but those two are the most likely and I’m still young but I’m past the age that most boys (and kinda just people in general) would get diagnosed. Thank you for educating and spreading awareness!!

[@ashleygrojean1162]

We celebrated my 13 year old daughter’s diagnosis! It’s so much better having a name for all the things that make her unique. Also, her ASD evaluation was lengthy, I think we were there for 5-6 hours. It was so much more gentle than what you described. We had a lovely psychologist that listened and was kind with her. She would have definitely shut down if it were an interrogation. So I say, if you think you might have a neurodivergency, seek out the diagnosis. She’s so much more confident knowing she’s a super smart, neurodivergencent instead of a not so great neurotypical. :)

[@ellacarter9918]

“i’m not in school anymore so it’s good” literally me rn

[@carla8478]

Hugs. Schools, in general, have gotten insane. I know it's not on purpose, but it's uncanny how they almost seem designed as torture devices for those on the spectrum. Well, some of them anyway, I know there have to be healthy schools out there too.

[@AngelStarHealer]

Paige, thank you so much for you and other autistic creators for spreading this awareness, I realised now in the last few years that most likely I'm on the spectrum and just days ago I booked an appointment with a psychologist to get an evaluation and hopefully get this sorted at the age of 28. Please never stop being you

[@le2oons]

I'm not autistic but you always inspire me to be myself and never give up :)

[@johnlechago8109]

Hi Paige. I hope you read this because I just want to say that you helped me. I was in therapy for ADHD when I saw one of your videos and realized I had a great deal in common with you. I mentioned it to my therapist and we then did tests for autism and I ticked all the boxes. Apparently I was masking very well. Your video was very encouraging for me. Again, thank you!

[@ajhebb]

Thank you for dropping this video. I wish I could’ve been there for you when you faced the criticism and confusion. You are amazing and I love your work. I was diagnosed at age five, so I don’t remember what I was like with autism back then. But like you said, “I’m not broken”. I consider it my superpower. Again, thank you for this.

[@lebkuchenmeow1391]

I was diagnosed with borderline, ocd, panic and fear disorders and ptsd a while ago and a few weeks ago my therapist fired me bc i cancelled two appointments. He was rly rude about it, just because i cancelled two dates where i was sick. I still haven't gotten any real help with this whole bunch of mental disorders and i hope i can see it someday as you do and just move forward with it. Right now im just stuck in my head and the constant pain and i just wish it goes away somehow. Im not that suicidal, i resist it a lot in the last few months tho. But im positive that it will be better someday and i will learn to live with it. You're such an inspiration for me. Thanks for making content.

[@gladysolvera6566]

please Don t do it please Don t hurt or unalive yourself P.S I used unalive because youtube sometimes censors a comment if it has some word that sounds...threatening? yes even when that comment is well intentioned.

[@Clau.L.Craciun]

I'm originally from Romania, currently living in the UK, where I got my diagnosis at 37 (!!!!) When I was a teenager, I used to have frequent mental breakdowns because of stress and not feeling understood and the psychologists I went to said I'm only depressed and gave me pills which turned me into a zombie too. I didn't take them for too long, I preferred to agonize and be myself, but at the same I was masking to avoid bullying and being made fun of. My anxiety aggravated over time, I had trouble at work, changed jobs a lot until I left the country. I finally feel free, | have a job where I don't have to pretend to be NT and my diagnosis hasn't changed my colleagues and managers' opinion of me. I wish I had this support in my country.

[@lv9265]

Ooh what is that job where you don't have to mask? 😮

[@amivivi6420]

You helped me so much. I follow you on TikTok and yt for a long time and you helped me realise All this time I was autistic. I have depression and anxiety for a few years now and I realised what caused it and now I’m in a process of getting a diagnose. What you described was a lot how I felt. Incurable, different, helpless. Now I’m 18 and for the first time in a long time I feel hope

[@dolguin4309]

I’m here for all the ads girl! I also like watching you because you make more logic sense than most people and you open up my eyes and you are also funny 😄

[@ellieh5260]

I’ve had an autism diagnosis for a few years now. I’m 22 and I’ve just discovered your channel and I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH ALIKE WE ARE. I actually thought to myself whilst watching a few of your videos “is this girl copying me” and I felt paranoid - but obviously you’re not as you’ve never seen or met me and I live in England haha. We just share so many of the same traits (not all); and now I feel comforted and I understand myself better because you explain everything in ways my head can understand. I’m not sure what the purpose of this comment is, but I find your videos so genuine and helpful so thank you.

[@AliceDiLullo]

Thanks so much for this video! I am 15 and I think I’m autistic. I’ve done a bunch of research but I don’t know how to tell my mum or even my friends that this is what is going on in my mind. The only thing stopping me is that I’m just doubting myself constantly.

[@Valiath]

Thank you so much, this literally opens my world. I am now 22 and getting my diagnosis, almost done with the process and I didn't even ask for it. I reached out for help because I couldn't cope with everyday "normal" sounds, smells or other sensory stimuli. I was getting really stressed out and couldn't handle my internship anymore. Now it all becomes so much clearer, I really thought I was the only one who had these feelings. What you described : "always asked why why why?" as a kid is sooo relatable! "Because I said so" is no answer xD

[@dangercrue]

the part about not having a real relationship with any family really hits home for me my parents don't know me at all and while it hurts i just can't... i wish i could have the relationship with them that my sister has with them but i just can't connect with them, especially when they've ridiculed me in the past for things that i now know are autistic traits

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Such an important distinction that autism is not different in males vs. females, but it’s more so that society treats each differently and has different expectations. Love your perspectives and particularly relate to NOT. UNDERSTANDING. SMALL. TALK. WHY. Sending love!!

[@finningram4905]

Hearing what your boyfriend said to you made me want to cry. I hope you find someone much better.

[@Daniel_Paterson]

I recently screwed things up with all but one or two of my friends (never been good at keeping friends), haven't said a word to anyone for almost 6 months now, can't get up in the mornings, parents hate me, and I just feel like shit day in and day out. I want to thank Paige for posting today and reminding me that I'm not the only one dealing with this shit, I really needed it. If anyone is reading my comment, I hope you are doing well.

[@junkyardjess9360]

Oh my god I relate to the shutting down on front of authority figures! I have such a hard time with my band director because I often shut down when he starts talking to me.

[@chillischicks2010]

I am a Canadian in the process of trying to get a assessed for ADHD. When you spoke about the financial aspects of these diagnostic processes it really hit home to what I am experiencing right now. It is several thousand dollars and I'm not even sure if I can afford to keep the appointment. I am so glad you were able to get the help that you needed and that you are here with us today sharing your story and educating others. You are a ray of sunshine :)

[@sophiekerr8964]

I remember absolutely beaming at my doctors when I was diagnosed. It was so weird because the doctors were acting like I should be upset, they were placating me I guess (I remember so clearly one of them said "You're autistic but it doesn't change who you are". I barely remember anything else from that appointment. But I remember that. The weird contrast between my joy and their kind of professional sadness for me.

[@robokill387]

Because the medical model views autism as a life-limiting disease.

[@CanadianGoose_1]

Paige, Idk how to tell you how much your videos have helped me... as a woman diagnosed later in life, I have struggled a lot... I have been working with people with all kinds of disabilities for over a decade while in university and I thought I understood autism based off my education (I did a degree in disability studies and we covered autism) and experiences but it wasn't until I joined a club for autistic people at my university that I embraced my diagnosis... and it wasn't until I watched a few of your videos that I felt less alone in the way my brain works. I also didn't realize how little I knew... You - at 20(!!!!) are so self aware and know so much about autism. It's incredible... You've helped me so much. Thank you. 💗

[@ramo2693]

“You’re 16 and your mother has no idea who you are” I’m in my 30s. I have just realized my parents think I’m not autistic because of masking, and that I’ve rarely been authentically myself with them unless I’m melting down. I told my mom she doesn’t know me at all because I’m hiding who I am and she said that was my fault for doing that.

[@KrisHe1]

Thank you so much for sharing this! This is so important, and especially with the part when after you accepted the diagnosis being "accused" for acting it up, because the thing is girls grow up with way different expectations, and so that's why so many girls grow up automatically masking more without even realizing! And why more girls and women are diagnosed at later ages than boys, because society have different expectations as to how you should act. And being "smart" means you adapt differently and autism is very much "rule following" in that sense, and so for girls if they are told they need to act or hide stuff, they do. And because you are aware enough to not want to "stand out" more than you "have to", so you hide parts of you. Also the "being perfect, striving for perfectionism" has been such a normalized thing with girls, that most people don't see or realize the insane lengths one goes to just to do that. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, but at first they did think autism. When I was around 16... but no one saw that until I started therapy, so when the topic of autism was brought up (this was... 2013?) It just felt so farfetched, and I was very opposed to that. Of course, I knew nothing about it at the time. But now later in life I see why they would think I was autistic. But for me, ADHD with OCD makes more sense? Because yes I do score highly in certain categories on the diagnostics forms for autism, but I also know that it doesn't fit with all the rest? I don't know how to explain it, but ADHD makes a lot more sense with me overall? But I am 25, and just NOW finished diagnostics for ADHD (because ofc medications I was on from 20 until now, I couldn't get fully diagnosed for medications because they would affect the outcome of any diagnostical tests? So had to stop medications before finishing the full diagnosis). I actuallt just started medications yesterday after waiting months to see a doctor that is allowed to prescribe that kind of medications... but yeah, getting a diagnosis and actually accepting it, is a process. And so many neurotypicals don't understand how neurodivergent brains work. And ugh I hate yoga and mindfulness, I CANNOT just NOT think... that is such a stupid concept and it annoys me beyond belief that everyone talks about it as if everyone should love it, and a cure all. Nope. It stresses me out so much more because THINKING about clearing my mind, makes me more stressed. And all the weird music they use during yoga (whale sounds etc? Or just ocean sounds?) Are too much for my brain, as I have sensory sensitivity. I also struggle with food because of texture, and if I spend too much time chewing food or whatever, it causes me to gag because I cannot handle having food in my mouth longer than just a second. So I only eat easily chewable food (hardly any meats), and food of certain textures... but I think a lot of people don't understand ADHD, and hearing how my brain works would assume autism, but if you actually look into ADHD, past the hyperactivity/concentration issues etc, you'll see a lot of overlapping with autistic traits. And yeah, I finally feel like I understand why my head is the way it is? Also telling a child "because I said so" is so counterproductive. I have two nephews, and myself as a child, anyone told me that would make me frustrated and confused. And same with my nephews. (They actually also both have ADHD, but opposite sides, which is fascinating because I see myself in both of them? It's so cool in a way). Telling kids to just follow your lead blindly is not very educational, and will at some point backfire.

[@beccy2188]

Thank you for what you're doing Paige, I hope its helping you most of all ❤

[@paulinarizo6564]

It was thanks to a tik tok you posted last year that I realized I could be autistic, and that's what led me to get a diagnosis (at the age of 35). The validation I got from realizing I was a perfectly autistic person (with ADHD!) has been the biggest gift. It's been a year and I am still in awe. I "spot" my ND brain in every day situations and I no longer wonder why the hell I am so weird and different (which was a big struggle before). I now find it fascinating and love me even more for being unique.

[@PotatoQueen1989]

for 30 years i felt broken, i hated myself, i struggle to communicate, to understand and so many other things, then someone advised i seek out an Autism diagnosis, on the waiting list for 3-4 years and i'm a year in but i feel whole now and i'm slowly learning to love myself.

[@Daniel_Paterson]

3-4 years for a diagnosis?! Wow, I really hope you get it soon and are able to keep improving; hang in there.

[@PotatoQueen1989]

@@Daniel_Paterson Thank you, yeah it's pretty long where i am in the UK.

[@lachicageminis10]

I feel lucky my son got diagnosed so early. He’s 2 years. He was just diagnosed with ASD on May 17/2021 I’m so proud to be the mom of an autistic son. He’s amazing and I’m learning so much from him . God bless you. You are so beautiful and smart. I like your videos.

[@bbekah]

Thank you for the video!! It was super helpful! I got neuorpsych testing recently because I've had increased struggles. They found impairments in executive functioning (which would explain my distractibility and stress levels). They want to continue testing for Autism, so hopefully I get a diagnosis soon. 😊

[@bbekah]

As I've continued through college, I've had increased struggles keeping a schedule (they stress me out), focusing on tasks, focusing on reading, and getting things done.

[@Lillyann6100]

The unmasking thing omg. It's just when you finally have a word for why you feel like you can just do what your body and mind actually want

[@tiffsdecos]

ahh i remember after my neurological evaluation SOBBING after it bc how stressed it made me but i was also diagnosed with autism that day

[@lorenapmendonca]

I just got diagnosed this week and the first time I heard about autism was in your "autism in girls" series last year I just wanna say thank you a lot, it changed my life

[@raindropsonroses3919]

I love what he said about sheldon cooper. This was a great way assessment. I got mine at 17 and it was different

[@catabee1064]

Hearing you say that you had to create a whole different relationship with your family really struck me. The person I was around my family through my whole life until finally getting diagnosed at 27 was me masking. The relationships I had with my parents and family were so hollow because I was always trying to reflect what I thought they wanted from me. But it's been through me learning how to accept myself that I've been able to start over with them in a more honest way and been able to see the ways they struggled and benefitted from their own 'quirks' that I know are a part of the illnesses I experience. None of my family really knew me for a very long time and it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has had to overcome the barrier in communication mental illness can place in front of you.

[@Carissa99Xo]

I'm like 35 and you're literally inspiring me to maybe get diagnosed.

[@taresy6789pp]

excuse me is male and female same when diagnostic criteria for ASD

[@jynxsprinkles9439]

@@taresy6789pp I know you weren't talking to me but I have a little bit of information I can share. As we know most of the tests and criteria for ASD (and everything else for that matter) were created using only men with ASD and such so most of not all places only looks for male symptoms of ASD. That's a big problem because men and women's brains are different so most women don't get diagnosed because symptoms in females look more like how neurotypical guys act. So long story short the symptoms are different on the outside (how they act) but more similar on the inside (how they feel).

[@charlottekent6018]

I'm autistic (just been diagnosed recently) and I can really relate to all of that doctor stuff. My diagnosis has been a long time in the making and I've had to go to sooo many different people! I love how accepting you are of yourself I'm still learning how to be... I love your channel!!