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In this video, I share some of the major difficulties I have faced over the years as a Christian who struggles with bipolar. For many years I blamed myself for having thoughts that were dark or unchristian, because I had uncertainties about my own beliefs in Christ and basically took it to heart that I was a sinner saved by grace, not being sure if I was worthy of that grace. At times in my life I have become delusional, and thought I could become certain characters written about in Bible, just by thinking it- starting with Elijah, and eventually ending up with such characters as God, even the Trinity, the Anti-Christ, and Lucifer. Although it was completely irrational and non-sensible, it made perfect sense to my chaotic mind at the time. My mind has been all over the place for many years, and I guess to some degree it is nice to know that I have an uncontrollable condition called Bipolar. At least that way, it eases my emotional burden because I don't feel everything is my fault. But that doesn't stop me from blaming myself when I come down from these manic episodes. After experiencing an episode, I often will feel a great amount of shame, and anger at myself that I could possibly do this heinous thing or think this terrible thought. I know God forgives me, but sometimes it is difficult to forgive myself. If you can relate, please comment below, or you can feel free to visit my web page at www.bipolarchristian.net, where I write about many of my experiences, both spiritual as well as about my manic depression.