📓📰 My Father Is In Prison

Here’s a letter to you -
I’ve stayed away from visiting my father in prison or reconnecting with my half-brother, but now that I have seen Honey Boy, I wonder if my intention remains the same?
What if visiting him will comfort my emotions for they are beginning to be a mirror reflecting his own? After all, we are made with the same blood. I wish my father stayed away from drugs and could be trusted. I wish my daddy leaned into his family and everything good that could have came out of his connection to songwriting plans, but he decided to let drugs or some other woman come before the answers....

In collaboration with other women, he prepared for himself: a son. I don’t know about my brother too much now, but he was good to me back when. It is all very complicated, so I don't spend time thinking about which way I should go... as far as reaching out.

But, this film, Honey Boy, I think of it often and always with a great question…
My brother admires our dad as one should and I despise him as one should not - our familial bonds were broken over …some very minor, some very important individual instances of who our father was being/becoming - all of this made me intentionally avoid him and my emotional healing.

With the shadow if HONEY BOY on my face, I am extremely interested in healing entirely as hard as it is.

My father, like Otis, he supplied the pain, and I re-purposed it as my personality, for my getting on with people sucks. I offer very little to making/keeping people for long periods of time, but I have promised myself that under no circumstances would I make another addition to the generational curse of self sabotaging - despite all sorts of tempting and desiring offers shown to me, signs of offense, fair weather friends, gloomy days, morning traffic, hypocritical bosses, and miscellaneous disturbances.

It is basically a very good life and in the right hands I should make a very good person.

And even this being a narrative film it feels all true, yet it's pure imagination on my pain - it does matter.

The important thing is that what Shia believes to be true:
"DON'T WASTE YOUR PAIN"

P.S. I'm convinced one shall suffer a great deal more putting themselves down to wake up with it, particularly to the expectation of it not being used at all.

Thank you Alma, Noah, Shia, Byron, Lucas - it was real.
"DON'T WASTE YOUR PAIN"