My First Psychotic Episode

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

For more videos on my Mental Health Journey and helpful Information please watch some of our other videos. What is Schizophrenia like - Schizophrenia Symptoms - kzbin.info/www/bejne/bp-1iHahZs2ff7s Mental Health Crisis - Why go to the Hospital - kzbin.info/www/bejne/iomVgYCgZ512e7c Schizophrenia - Negative Thoughts or Voices? Here is what helped me - kzbin.info/www/bejne/a4Kqk2B9m52JmsU The Mindset to Overcome Challenges - Mental Health - kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZnqbnIWPd9Gon5o

[@scottbunning6737]

So crazy dude I had a very similar psychosis it slowly crept in tho I wasn’t aware of it but I remember a medium or something on my phone saying I’ve seen the way you’ve lived for along time and I can change that for you I’m going to change things also told me I had the mountain and valley on my right palm idk how she knew this but I also was very close to my faith when this happened I was running 5 miles every other day I was doing really well I remember feeling like a million bucks I felt so important like I was the chosen one out of everyone on earth I was chosen to receive this Holy Spirit ended up breaking into a house randomly and spend 5 weeks in jail and 4 weeks of it I was having all these conversations with these voices of family and friends in my head

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

@@scottbunning6737 It can definitely feel like a spiritual awakening when in Mania and experiencing psychosis. Your experience sounds very similar to mine. I felt like God was directly communicating with me and I had to do something about it. Glad you are insightful about your psychosis. Thank you for commenting

[@BipolarLiving]

I’m so sorry that you’re struggling with psychosis I’m so sorry 😔 🙏🏾 please stay strong and continue to take care of yourself 💜 the telepathy part was actually relatable to a lot of people here on earth. Wouldn’t that be cool if we could hear each other’s thoughts.

[@Smoke_DMT]

You are saving lives bro, so glad to not feel so isolated anymore.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Glad it helped!

[@toddm6999]

Keep sharing your growing mass understanding , knowledge ,and compassion.

[@gregcoupe]

Thanks so much for this presentation. Much appreciated.

[@joeyvan9637]

Wow. I was very spiritual when I started having episodes as well. I thought I was going through a kundalini awakening

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Hey. I was suffering from vitamin D deficiency and I thought I was having a Kundalini Awakening. No harm in getting the vitamin levels checked every now and then.

[@BuntingClipClop]

That must have been so scary and shocking. And sad when you had to leave the bliss of love feelings. I really really love that more and more BRAVE WONDERFUL people are sharing their experiences on KZbin. It's an incredible service to humankind. It's not healthy for society to ignore what is a common experience for so many of us. Why should anyone have to hide things that make them what they are? Why should anyone be alone? We're strong when we join together in understanding. Many blessings on you and your honest way of living.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Thank you for the nice supportive comment. I decided to start publishing this content, as I felt very alone and confused when symptoms became stronger initially. I hope the videos help people see that they are not alone, and there is a way to live with these symptoms. I always love hearing from people like yourself, motivates me to continue this journey on KZbin. I agree with you, these days it feels not as taboo as before to discuss mental health. Making the videos also helps me process it better, and increases my ability to share what it really is to be experiencing these symptoms.

[@BuntingClipClop]

@@lettersfromschizophrenia I can imagine that doing a video really helps define and analyse each experience for yourself. It must be very valuable! Like writing in a journal. You must get ah-ha! moments when you're talking it through out loud. I've never thought of that before. Interesting how the act of sharing gives to both parties!

[@GnosticMindTrain]

I'm not schizophrenic, I don't hear voices, but I believe in the spiritual and this sounds like a lot of near death experience cases I've studied, the light and meeting beings who say they rule the world.

[@JosedeJezeus]

There's a Logic to Life and the human brain struggles to understand it. People get lost a long the way.

[@Miranda_Jane]

I was definitely thinking it was a near death experience🤔

[@Yggdrasill8]

Same here, I've had one long ago and it felt more real than reality

[@alilih3652]

It is ALL SPIRITUAL!!! All of it is just demons fuckin with people to make them think they’re crazy or to convince the rest of the world of it so that way they can further decieve humans into thinking there’s no God or that not everything is about God when it is

[@natas12rm]

Maybe it was a near death experience because they were trying to kill him?

[@MaaikeJahne]

Well done man. Thank you for bravely sharing this frightening experience in such an authentic and accessible way. 🙏

[@jusapoet72]

I'm SO grateful people are finally fully expressing what these voices are saying, because they say the SAME thing to all of us who hear them. And for some, these positive and negative experiences. Indigenous people know all about these experiences and our society is having a HUGE epidemic upswing in new people having these experiences.

[@llrr8115]

Please ask for a blood test for food allergies/sensitivities, there is research that gluten intolerance can make schizophrenia worse and or cause psychosis. I hope this helps someone.

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Totally. I was having so many symptoms such as bone/muscle pain, anxiety and depression. I thought I was having a kundalini awakening. And then I got diagnosed with severe vitamin D deficiency.

[@suzie223]

This is so strange. I don’t have schizophrenia, at least as far as I know, but I had an almost identical experience years ago. After that experience, I also changed completely as a person. In a good way.

[@renzsyaustin8520]

Thanks a friend of mine is suffering really bad right now. Information really helps me understand her situation better. Keep providing videos and thank you.

[@vanessawest1664]

Hey thanks for posting! You are very brave to be so vulnerable about what you have been through. It sounds odd but it’s almost like a spiritual attack? Perhaps that’s what psychosis is. My brother and good friend have experienced psychosis and it just comes out of no where.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

It has definitely felt like a spiritual attack as life has unfolded, but in my case it doesn't really end. It is easier to bring it into reality, and address it as a condition I have. But I also cannot deny what I experienced as just psychosis, it is logical in my head and it is my reality even if others do not understand. Thank you for the support, and nice comment.

[@eye-leenlove]

Thank you so much young man. This brings lots of clarity to me. You are amazing.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Glad it was helpful!

[@camelliaroan6341]

So happy you're doing better!

[@6641737]

Lovely presentation

[@normasarsby1350]

Hope you are doing okay. Sending you lots of love. Stay blessed.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Thank you so much! Grateful that things are going well on my end :)

[@BoudjiraMouhamed]

اتمنى لك الشفاء أنشاء الله يا أخي ❤❤❤

[@jusapoet72]

I love you and I'm so grateful for you sharing your story.

[@verocarrillo2649]

Thank you for sharing your experience ❤

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Thanks for watching!

[@sameera3898]

Thanks for sharing, Moji! Can you talk about whether there were any symptoms that you could now identify prior to this episode or was it very sudden?

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

It was pretty sudden for me.

[@techsavytronicstechsavytro528]

how can you tell difference between an anxiety disorder and psychosis? I took weed and benzos together 2 years ago and my brain has never been the same since. I get thought patterns such as "hes figured us out quick run away" like someones talking in my head acknowledging that i recognise the thing in my head if that makes sense. Ive been treating it as anxiety, but the symptoms, thoughts and emotions are pretty intense

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I think anxiety is fear of possible outcomes that stem from real things. Like the fear of crashing not allowing you to drive a car. Where as psychosis is believing in something that is not real to most others, that has become real to you. I have made logical sense of un real things in my head that I cannot unsee. And when I cannot disregard it, I call it psychosis when I start interacting with it, or it makes me dysfunctional enough to impact my life negatively.

[@techsavytronicstechsavytro528]

@@lettersfromschizophrenia I smoked thc and took some benzo pills 2 years ago and my brain is constantly producing these disgusting degrading thoughts but dont know if its something like anxiety/OCD or pyschosis. Thoughts?

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

@@techsavytronicstechsavytro528 it happens to me, I get very vile thoughts that are repulsive and I judge myself for having a thought like that. But the more I accept that it is not me and they are a feed from a source unknown. It helps me live. I then get so far from it by engaging in life and routine, that I don’t think those thoughts anymore.

[@mimimo555]

Your message will help many people!!! God and you can turn any mess into your message😊 Do you think you also had an NDE?

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I mean it's pretty similar to that from what I have heard from people who experience NDEs, but in my case, I didn't have my life in danger though or something like that.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Also, Thank you!

[@yiravarga]

Nothing you just described gives me the message of psychosis. This is very well described as NDE (Near Death Experience). You might have almost actually died. It is overwhelmingly common for NDE to be very traumatic, because of the immense grief of “coming back to life”. Statistically, it is not uncommon for people with this kind of NDE to end their own life as an attempt to return to what they experienced in their NDE. I had all this happen to me too, but while doing parts work (how I discovered I have NDE), and I was fully awake, lucid, and conscious. It was as boring as daydreaming. No convincing hallucinations. I just chilled out, listened to music, and let my mind wander through a daydream. You had one hell of a dramatic spiritual trip, but I understand the feelings. That… “intense mass of love and light.”

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Thank you for the comment. I can see the similarities between NDEs and my experiences. This did put me on a long journey of finding out what is happening with me. I hear voices which are not there now, though medicines help with that. Also, while trying to sleep, I can start seeing things. Psychosis is generally a loss of connection with reality, and this one wasn't as disconnected because I didn't understand anything happening fully. Later on there have been attempts to give it meaning and trying to find a way to stop and overcome this, or push it so far away that I can function. Thank you for sharing your experience! I am sure it will help give a perspective to people in search of understanding their own experiences.

[@myshir0]

I had a similar experience with the infinity of love

[@muhammetkurkcu4756]

wow, very powerful.

[@Heinz1903]

Hey, i want to tell you about the broken glass and the spasm, white light and memoryloss. it almost sounded like a seizure. have you considered to do a MRI? its also sometimes that schizophrenia and seizures are related.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I did get an MRI I done when I was hospitalized. Fortunately seizures have not happened for me since the first episode. Thank you for the comment.

[@Layn0ire]

Hi there, thank you for creating this video. I have a family member recently diagnosed with psychosis & schizophrenia. It was sudden and she has been reading the bible. I ask questions to help, but she’s in a state of distrust because she doesn’t believe she should be on medication. What do suggest I do to help? Also, When you heard the voice, was it one you’ve never heard before?

[@sirijanthakur]

ur blessed with good friends bro

[@nasreenyousuf6496]

I can relate 110%

[@sirijanthakur]

bro same telepaty thing happened to me, i thought it costed money to talk tho haha, then it transitioned into war with god, ai trying to take over and control god which is me xD its funny how all the psychotic episodes are kinda similar in one form

[@natas12rm]

Almost like the tricksters give you a nudge in a direction other than truth?

[@giorgiomx]

So is like if I suddenly started to dream while being awake, mixing up my real surroundings with hallucinations and interacting with it. 🤔

[@Imsours]

was there any significant incident or trauma in your life before getting your first psychotic episode? can you please make a video about that?

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Not at the time for a while there, near my first episode. Life was going pretty well at the time. But I do have some history of physical abuse as a child.

[@Imsours]

@@lettersfromschizophrenia I am so sorry about that. I like your videos btw, I hope you make more.

[@vegandolls]

sounds like spiritual warfare

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Sure feels like it.

[@sabinemann8640]

You are talking about your first episode. How many more did you have, and was they a difference on the length on recovery? What medication did you recieve?

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I have sort of been in a controlled state of psychosis since, the delusions and voices have never gone away from me, I have learned ways to push them away to a point where I can function. I am on paliperidone currently with some side effect medication that come with this antipsychotic, but medication are different for everyone and should be taken after consulting a psychiatrist. It takes a while to stabilize on medication, for me it took around 2 years to figure out the right dose.

[@sabinemann8640]

@lettersfromschizophrenia thank you. What type of schizophrenia have you been diagnosed with, if you do not mind me asking.

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

@@sabinemann8640 I was diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia

[@zubeidamohamed2916]

Advice please. My freind son.. Psychotic. Will he be able to marry and lead a normal life? Must he tell his future he has psychosis?

[@adelekelly455]

Yes, he will get better and live a normal life. My son has psychosis for the first time at the moment. I've had a psychotic episode and Ive had 4 children and a partner and live a normal life.

[@miriambochenek9083]

Are you taking meds? and what? Are they helping...please share and thank you

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I have been on medication since 2020, and they do help. I am on antipsychotics and other medication for depression. I have noticed in the past when I do not take them, my symptoms are stronger. The medication keeps everything manageable. You should discuss with the doctors which medication to take and it should be managed by the doctors for you. Different medication works for different people. I am on paliperidone (antipsychotic) A side effect medication for the antipsychotic and also on an antidepressant. Took me a few years to stabilize on meds and find the right combination. But once you have figured out the right combination with your doctors, things get easier and its just like a routine.

[@miriambochenek9083]

@@lettersfromschizophrenia Thank you Paliperidone...is it Invega? Does it make you hungry? Did you ever use marijuana? It is being said that it may trigger the illness Are you smoking? Just asking because smoking also trigers psychosis in the person I know. Have you ever tried Prolixin Geodon...If so do they work also...Here with Invega it is so much weight gain. And really appreciate you sharing. God bless you

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

@@miriambochenek9083 Here is a video I did on Marijuana and my Schizophrenia. kzbin.info/www/bejne/f3evnWCul7l_kNUsi=MlqG9rVD3_-rtRGc I was on Invega shots the highest dose, and I did not gain a lot of weight till I stopped activity. Everyone is different but Invega did not really induce a lot of weight gain for me. Paliperidone is an oral form Invega. I have not taken Prolixin Geodon. Here is another video I did on what triggers psychotic symptoms for me kzbin.info/www/bejne/l6DRaWN9idWCjNksi=DbjYH7ZF85JYmPpl Also might be helpful I did a video on antipsychotic medication kzbin.info/www/bejne/fn6bqaxoga-UoZosi=16nOKYeUiohO9D-w Good luck, I hope the person you referred to gets stable on medication sooner and can live a life full of love.

[@cookwithshamroza2933]

🤗🤗

[@york17408]

I'm seeking advice... I have a friend who's had an Awakening along with other things. So she thinks it's a Good spirit that continuously talks to her...the stuff she wrote down is not positive.. its disturbing.. she's has bouts of mania and now depression and low energy and all over pain with mood swings.. I'm a concerned friend and afraid to suggest she is schizophrenic... what do I do???

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

With unstable mood, your friends situation sounds like schizoaffective disorder, but diagnosis should be left to the doctors to determined. As someone who has been in denial, no matter what anyone says will change my reality of experiencing these things. It's quite isolating when the rest of the world doesn't understand. You can show support by explaining how you love the person, what you are seeing, how you see it negatively effect them, explain to them you are only saying this because you care for them, and you are there for them in any way they need. Ultimately, it is their decision to seek help, unless they are a danger to self or others. That is when you and the love ones should intervene. Hope that helps.

[@zubeidamohamed2916]

Can u control your psychosis?

[@adelekelly455]

No

[@tristananleu4677]

Sounds like a 5meoDMT trip

[@JordanAnastasio]

Don't it?? Like unmistakably. 100% love you fam 🕉🙌🕉

[@khardiatatall8708]

Do you think these were jinns?

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I do not subscribe to placing my experience through a predefined lens. But maybe the entities I experienced were experienced by someone else and named Jinns. To me they are just entities, I don’t know much about them. But at the same time, I run into them when my brain interprets them, and stop experiencing them when I get more in tune with reality. If it was a constant maybe if explore more.

[@Luhnomic]

Y do u have the same stories as me

[@natas12rm]

What happened with you?

[@voiceinthewilderness322]

I made a video about my experience.

[@KAMAU-LOVE]

This is not schizophrenia, reality is like this beloved child of light. Must people are closed and when they open up like you did, the get lock up. You need to trust and know you can help a lot of people, don't give up on love and tell yourself there is something wrong brother. Check up on this guy. Matthew L. Fraser, what he does you can do easly as he does. Bless You man. 🙂🙏

[@voosum]

This is stereotypical jinn possession

[@aijazsiddique8713]

Huh! You believe in that?

[@sterlgirlceline]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[@baciliorochajr_schizophrenia]

My “schizophrenia” built up and turned into psychosis. It is really bad, I want to sleep and never wake up again!

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I can understand that feeling. In my extended mania and psychosis I would dream like everything was fine, but I would wake up and the psychosis would continue. I could barely sleep. I thought there was no way I could ever deal with it, and had the same feelings as you. I checked myself into a hospital and my journey to getting back to a functional life with limited symptoms began. It takes a little bit of time for things to stabilize. But things get better on medication. It’s scary, and there are side effects, but if you allow people to help you can push the worst of it away. Hope you get help, it’s worth it, and you are stronger when you learn to manage it!

[@ginlu123]

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@gellande227]

Your psychosis was much milder than mine. But anyway, I appreciate your story.

[@brittanysaywood2436]

Lol. What makes you say that. That’s a really weird thing to say to someone.

[@gellande227]

@@brittanysaywood2436 Because my psychosis was much more wild, with suicide attemps and the cops involved

[@sidrashahid6400]

🫶🏼

[@zaidarivas7152]

This sounds like a seizure. Please get checked out. Not saying you don’t have mental illness. Just saying this sounds like a seizure.

[@voiceinthewilderness322]

Did you recover like I did by not believing in the hallucinations and delusions?

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

I wouldn’t say recover. I just live with it. I cannot push away hallucinations and delusions. They are very real as they happen. I just experience them as it comes, and keep reality close to me. Comes in waves, then goes away and I’m alone again with security and solitude in my thoughts

[@voiceinthewilderness322]

@@lettersfromschizophrenia I don't have any hallucinations or delusions. I developed a kind of immunity to it. They lost their purpose since I began ignoring them forty years ago.

[@PrayingMoth]

Sounds like the prince of the power of the air tried to deceive you, during your experience. I recommend reading the Holy Bible, starting with John. I recommend the translation, MEV. It was through psychosis that God opened my eyes to mysteries I had no answer to prior.

[@natas12rm]

Can you elaborate on what God opened your eyes too?

[@PrayingMoth]

@@natas12rm I can elaborate.

[@suzycanfly]

What happened to you sounds pretty cool. I mean being in this place of "infinite love". Some people might even call that heaven. I hope thats not too religous. By the way my psychosis was not nearly as cool as yours. 😅 And i totally relate to talking telepathetically to people. I thought i was doing that with my dad. And with Donald Trump 😅 I found other people like me who thought they talked to Donald as well. I dont even follow him. Just bizarre. 😂

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

😂 believe me I had game of thrones talking to me when I was trying to read something during my first visit to a psych facility lol this was just the first one when I had no idea what was happening😂

[@suzycanfly]

@@lettersfromschizophrenia 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆

[@evavalencia857]

🫂

[@youngjezy23]

It’s horrible 😢

[@lettersfromschizophrenia]

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this as well, but you have all the strength you need inside you to overcome this (Others can teach you tools to make it easier) You are strong, and even if doesnt seem like it will get better, it will get better (may not go away but you can learn to drown it out). There is a lot of help out there, I hope you can reach out and seek it.

[@YeshuaIsTheTruth]

That sounds like a demonic attack. They wanted you to die in your sins without accepting the love and atonement of Messiah Yeshua. May God bless you. Keep taking your meds and I'll pray for you. Please read the book of John

[@KhanMuscle-99]

Brother these are Jinns you are talking bout. Search up jinns they are a creation of god just like us humans but we can’t see them. They have free will like us humans too. Just fyi

[@emanuelstanley2523]

Experiencing the light doesn't necessarily mean to have schizophrenia. Your channel to the spiritual source of this universe has openend, you wil be overwhelmed and you cannot control what is going on. You can learn to hande this energy, it's not a sickness. Jesus had this experience, Buddha, and many many others.