My Girlfriend Is Extremely Controlling (Help!)

[@dawnr6381]

If you’re not happy before you get married it’s only going to get worse after you get married.

[@privateinfo1711]

This man needs to get away from this horrible woman. She'll just keep getting worse. My mom is like this woman. My dad finally escaped her by dying of cancer a few years ago. If you stay with this woman, you'll be living hell on earth. Just give her the car. Move out of the state in the cover of darkness. Whatever it takes.

[@BitterComments]

“I’m not allowed to ______.” *Run.* This girl wants to be your overbearing mother.

[@cl8wnm5n]

Run forest run

[@JasonVoorhees-cl8tt]

Agreed

[@raccuia1]

She is clearly a cluster b personality disordered creature. Clearly a narcissist and maybe even further along the spectrum into psychopathy or sociopathy. These creatures are the cancer in our species. When you have a cancer like this in your life, you excise it.

[@TuBui2]

This guy was likely taught growing up how to treat women right. He wasn't taught how to expect to be treated by women.

[@shachede6828]

Facts, this is ridiculous

[@erismana2105]

That's happens with women also

[@rustyshackleford6637]

Thanks, Mr Bui

[@TuBui2]

@@rustyshackleford6637 if this is you the caller, wish you nothing but the best. Keep you chin up and remember to value yourself. You're worth it.

[@Tank-vi2dv]

​@@erismana2105 and?

[@tokenblkguy00]

If a woman called and said the exact same thing about a man it would be called abuse and he’d be a terrible misogynistic person.

[@tspencer661]

He is being abused. Numerous women abuse their men.

[@guyrose2350]

Because she is abusing him… if a man did this that’s abuse. That’s why John is telling him to cut his losses and get out

[@snOags]

So accurate

[@bufficliff8978]

He's telling him to get out

[@bethanybrowne3808]

Dude, back out of this...take the loss on the car. Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life?

[@mariahconklin4150]

I agree! She needs to work on herself otherwise I feel as though something bad may happen either to her or him.

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

Run away. She’s going to blame you for everything that goes wrong for the rest of your life.

[@Phillips66Geo]

100% correct

[@Ja50nkAt]

She's just a girlfriend not a wife, just leave. You don't want to marry her if she's like this before the knot is tied, RUN!

[@robbrewer2036]

She'll go hard after wedding,

[@9liveslisa]

He's not married to her. Walk away. Don't mingle finances if you aren't married. No one wants to live with a controlling people. Why they keep doing it, I don't understand. Life is short. Hang out with people who make you happy. I have a sister-in-law who flipped out when my sister forgot my brother's birthday, so she called him the next day and asked him to come over and visit and she ordered a pizza. Very impromptu. So it was in the afternoon and he stopped by her house after work and caught up with my sister for an hour. My SIL flipped out. She told my sister that she had to ask permission from her to see my brother! Crazy! These were grown adults. Don't let anyone tell you, you can't see family or your kids when you want to. Just don't.

[@gwenj5419]

One reason- if someone else is in control, you're not responsible for anything that isn't right or goes wrong. Same people who want government to make all their decisions and take care of them.

[@Chalk89]

Run young man, run. A ring won’t make these problems disappear.

[@cl8wnm5n]

In fact they would incentivize them

[@jasminebaby3375]

This relationship seems like a lot of work. She needs to go gets help. How are you going to stop someone from hanging out with his friends and seeing their family.

[@blakeharrison3972]

He needs to breakup, move back home, and restart

[@blade9819]

He’s doomed. Leave now or suffer

[@jaqueitch]

RUUUUUUN! Don't pass go. Do not collect $200. Just run

[@someguynamedvictor]

Her problems have nothing to do with you, they’re based her personal insecurity. That’s usually the case with anyone having control issues. The real problem is when someone like that meets someone like you, who is caring enough to try to oblige, but you can’t fill a bottomless hole. No amount of control is enough for someone who’s paradigm is rooted in insecurity. Except there is no amount of compassion that can solve another persons desire to control, based on insecurity or not. Either she needs to really work on the roots or your only hurting her progress and she’s holding you back from peace. Being alone is better than being with the wrong person.

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

Most men want to control women. All men have personal insecurity

[@wf4983]

Great advice! It is so draining when you can't speak positively with your partner.

[@kellyturner4571]

This is abuse. RUN.

[@isay207]

Hes not ALLOWED wow just wow

[@Wintersnow889]

Her having mental problems does not give the right to control. U need to cut ties before she controls everything.

[@nicknelly1]

“Not allowed,” is not allowed. I’d laugh in her face day one she tried that. Respect yourself and put her in her place

[@fauxbro1983]

Just move on. Dont let her make your life miserable

[@Maelu-op9gf]

Best time to leave is now since you’re not married. Walking on eggshells is no way to live and it will get worse

[@coolaunt516]

Run like the wind!

[@leecc1574]

She can still mess you up leaving her with the vehicle, offer her half the balance to take your name off or you sell it - only 2 options.

[@dum9696]

I m a woman and my advice is : run for your life!!!!!

[@theydontknowmeson007]

If the car is in his name.. sell it to her or someone else and break up.

[@fortyseventhronin]

Far too many of us look back on relationships we've been in and wonder "Why didn't I just leave the second xyz happened?" Hopefully this young man will get out sooner rather than later

[@shachede6828]

BOY IF YOU DONT WALK OUT THAT AND DELETE THIS WOMAN! Smh.

[@mmp495]

My gut says to run and don't look back. Cut your loses short.

[@marievr7283]

Run!!!!!🏃🏃🏃🏃

[@parks105]

Leave bro! Don’t get married. When people tell you who they are, believe them. It’s much much more likely that it stays the same OR GETS WORSE than gets any better.

[@aliolivi]

WHAT? Get out. Good lord. Can't see your own family?

[@KH-xx1rg]

Sounds a lot like my brother, completely controlled and brainwashed by his wife. Absolutely miserable and stuck. Recognize the signs early and get out now!

[@LisaLisaCJ]

No your brother is making a choice to go along with his wife, even if she is ridiculous. It’s HIM not her.

[@alluringbliss4165]

@@LisaLisaCJ Some people are caught off guard with controlling people. The one in control oftentimes tends to manipulate the victim at first till it’s too late.

[@Rad_Reese]

Life is too short for this. By 25 I learned that NOTHING is worth forfeiting your peace. I can disturb my own, cause trouble on my own. Nobody around. Not going to let someone else in late life come along and disturb it. The easy and flippet answer for me is…DON’T MARRY HER! Get out of the relationship. Women shape up when they realize they’ve got something to loose. Trust me, the odds are in YOUR favor. 🙏🏾

[@DownHomeDavis]

Hey Dr. John! It was incredible watching you speak at HearWorld in Nashville this weekend! I am thankful I got to come up and say hi to you. Your speech was awesome!

[@munterboy1744]

If your not married and don't have kids then RUN as fast as you can

[@alishasah8566]

My x was also very controlling 😢

[@jaclynmurano6490]

A relationship should rely on trust. Been with my husband for 17 years and I trust him with anything. He can play his games after a long day of work, he can hang with his friends without me calling every half hour, he can help women who need help, I trust him 100% so therefore I don't worry, don't tell him what to do, or who he can talk too. Because of trust we are still together stronger than ever and are HAPPY. No one should control u this is your life and u should live it how you want to.

[@rebeccaoprea9917]

Don’t ever make someone your everything or become everything to somebody.

[@mariahconklin4150]

Exactly and men and woman need to have their own set of friend's, own counselor, own everything.

[@CarnivoreStork]

Run. Don’t build with Toxic People.

[@EnFyr]

I've been there. Luckily, there's a silver lining. In your next relationship, you'll see through it right away and be able to walk away before getting too attatched.

[@wavynaturalista]

Why are you having married problems with just a girlfriend? John told you off rip to leave. It's up to you now.

[@Bertuzz84]

Only half the people in long term relationships actually get married these days. It doesn't mean that their relationships are somehow less, because they didn't sign some oldfashioned government contract.

[@privateinfo1711]

Run! Move out of state. Leave when shes at work or at doctor's office. Leave with just the clothes on your back if you have to. Dont let your family know where you are for a while. She'll harass them. This woman will make your life a living hell for the rest of your life if you dont escape.

[@privateinfo1711]

You can't break up with this woman. She won't allow it. You have to escape.

[@jackie.mendoza]

John won’t tell you to leave but boy I’m saying RUN

[@cl8wnm5n]

Run forest run

[@manoflegacy]

This is both hard an easy. The moment a girlfriend says you cannot spend time with your friends.........you end the relationship. This caller is the easy end the relationship.......which is toxic..... He knows it, is a good man and feels bad about it. Men love yourself enough to leave situations like this.

[@tequisaholloway1738]

Damn right

[@susieq8008]

Exactly

[@susieq8008]

DO NOT MARRY THIS GIRL. ...YOU WILL BE SO VERY LONELY AFTER SHE RUINS EVERY REALTIONSHIP OR FRIENDSHIP YOU Have.

[@ChoppaGetToDaChoppa]

Thank you for the actionable plan within this video. There's heaps to be said about listening to my own situation from another man's situational awareness point of view. Powerful.

[@Some_kind_of_wonderfü]

Great advice! I love that you didn’t tell him what to do and put it back in him…it’s the only way to build character…through experience 🙏🏼

[@fivespeed3026]

Run dude! RUN!!!

[@Madmax77141]

Man ruuuunnnnnn 🏃🏿‍♂️🏃🏿‍♂️🏃🏿‍♂️💨💨💨. Those situations don't get better I've been there before

[@tanyamilewski5700]

Girlfriend = not permanent. So why not break up and find one who isn’t controlling

[@Melissa.712]

Newsflash marriage is not permanent neither🙄

[@tanyamilewski5700]

@@Melissa.712 but marriage you make vows to try and literally everything is legally joint which makes it harder to break up; unlike dating

[@Melissa.712]

@@tanyamilewski5700 you must be in la-la land for you're 15 years old.

[@tanyamilewski5700]

@@Melissa.712 so breaking up with a girlfriend is equal to divorcing a spouse?

[@kill3rclown690]

​@tanyamilewski5700 in a sense it is. It's just with marriage it makes it harder

[@mariahconklin4150]

Just wanted to thank you for helping me. The first video I saw of yours was about the adult male who was groomed or SA by his cousin. Something similiar happened to me. I hope that guy is doing well today I could relate to everything he said.

[@ChristopherDonnerArtist]

Yeah, i was taught to treat women right but not to be treated right by women . Hard lesson to learn at first.

[@carlosmiro4932]

What does he mean by “Im not allowed to” X, Y or Z? What does he mean by “she doesn’t want to sell the car”? This is the land of the free and the home of the brave, for crying out loud.I’d sell the car from under her, pack up and leave. She seems to be a physical and mental wreck who is in no position to boss around anybody. The opposite is true, she should be put in her place (see selling the car and moving out above). This is why it’s a huge mistake to move in with somebody you’re not married to, in which case you don’t have a choice anymore. Were they living apart there would be no ackward packing up and leaving, he could just call her or, better yet, text her to tell her “I’m out. Goodbye, fare thee well."

[@instahamx684]

Break up. Get out. The relationship is not working for her either and she is not willing to admit it and break up with him so she is getting more controlling in an attempt to make it work, for her.

[@Mrs.TJTaylor]

Really good point.

[@Kittyququmber]

Would be interesting to hear the girlfriend’s side of the story. Were plans made with her but this guy decided to not follow thru the plan and that is why she said “you can’t go out with your friends……. “. Did this guy forget to finish her statement that … “…. we had plans to meet for a movie and supper”. Did the girlfriend move with him to a different state for his work and she gave up her friend, job and family for his career progression. He made new buddies but she hasn’t and if do why not? There is more to find out here that feeling sorry fir this guy. She might be a controlling bit- -, but with two small buts of info he has selectively given, one cannot be sure.

[@harrietbaker4484]

You need a partner. Team mate. Someone who can do this with you, not a dependent who can't step up.

[@kristic4472]

R U N ! !

[@Michael-jo9jb]

John needs to say straight up LEAVE. this is not going to get better EVER

[@jkbc]

this was just one side of the story, so it is a little speculative to suggest one way or the other. It takes two to tango....

[@michaelangelo5783]

I've been around enough women and been in a situation like this...women have the majority of narcissistic and controlling abusive behaviors in relationships. A solid 80/20 split. Two to tango, ha! I used to believe that until I was in a relationship with an unbalanced woman. She literally started 95% of every argument or problem. Had to have the last word, always. Her grandmother and aunt nicknamed her "the mouth." Her step grandmother warned me about her after they heard she was pregnant and asked if I really wanted to try having a family with her. I hadn't seen much of her craziness at that point and had always wanted a son. She would get overwhelmed and lock herself in the bathroom or walk in closet until she felt okay. Both my separated parents passed within 3 months of each other and I was alone (aside from a sister i had lost closeness with). Let's just say I endured physical, emotional and verbal abuse, constantly walking on eggshells. I would've been long gone if not for my son. I still remember the first night she swung at me and punched me. I was literally in shock and said I was calling the police. She grabbed her purse and took off running down the road at almost midnight (no license- red flag there). Of course I didn't call, in hindsight I should've.

[@AleishaJones-ek1mi]

​@@michaelangelo5783 I'm sorry about your experience. That's sucks and I wish healing for you. I, however, must state the fact that the majority of people with NPD (75%) are men. Abuse from anybody is not ok. I hopevthat woman gets what's coming to her and that healing and joy flows to you constantly. Peace and blessings, brother.

[@gwenj5419]

Not allowed to and they aren't even married? This is why you don't play married when you aren't married. Marriage isn't just a piece of paper. It's a legal protection for the two people and for creating a new family unit in which to raise children.

[@JMitch93]

I'd respectfully beg to disagree. If you need legal protection to be married, then you're marrying the wrong person. I've been with my partner for 12 years and have known him for nearly twice as long, we have 3 kids, 3 cars, we're buying a new house soon, and we're best friends. It is indeed JUST a piece of paper; a piece of paper that puts people into debt by trying to, not only be married, but show off publicly to family and friends. My dad was 30 grand in debt from his first marriage when he married my mom from his previous wedding. "Playing" married is what you do when you get that piece of paper and spend money on an over glorified party. Marriage doesn't prevent stupidity, commitment does, and if you need a piece of paper and legal protection to secure that commitment, it's not worth your time or theirs.

[@gwenj5419]

@@JMitch93 You're making a huge number of assumptions. I don't advocate spending a crazy amount on a wedding party either. My wedding dress cost $10 and our wedding & reception were in my husband's backyard. You don't even have to have a wedding and reception to get legally married.

[@JMitch93]

@@gwenj5419 Nice job skirting the actual issue, which is that getting married is just a piece of paper. My personal experiences aren't making "huge numbers of assumptions", they're just my experiences, like yours are. YOU, however, made the assumption that people "play" marriage and that marriage is for "creating and raising a family" as if there's not millions of people with familial units without marriage. I'll take my leave now ✌

[@gwenj5419]

@@JMitch93 My point was that the marriage certificate creates certain legal protections that don't exist outside of it. Hopefully your partnership lasts a lifetime.

[@supernova11711]

@@JMitch93Yikes. Just from 0-10 for no reason at all.

[@taylorsampson5434]

“I will go see my family whenever I so choose, if you want to be an overbearing mother, you can see your way out the door.”

[@Chet_24]

Leave. If shes like this now, it will only be worse after marriage. At least shes like this now, rather than doing the rug pull after you're married like most women do .

[@victoriaporsiempre]

i wonder how that kind of women find that kind of guy? the guys i met wouldn’t take 💩very quick

[@BirdDogey1]

Run Away I know of a case like this and the wife will only let their child visit her parents. She isn't allowed to visit her paternal grandma that happens to be someone I've known for years. He can refit the loan into his name solely if she doesn't kick.

[@AllynHin]

Break up with her if she won't agree to couples counselling. If you marry her, it's only going to get worse.

[@kirapoodle]

Why should he take the loss on the car? She doesn't seem to be a rational person so trying to tell her to sell the car in a normal way would probably end up nowhere. I would tell her I am want to sell the car to get a better one, then sell it, give her her part and then breakup.

[@janetmorecraft2206]

The words “I’m not allowed“ stood out like a red flag. Is she his mother? Is he her child ?get the hell out

[@Jane5720]

Is it 6 o’clock in Boise, Idaho?

[@antea9055]

Decide what you need and what is important to you. How is it going to be around you?. Tell her and hold 100% fast to yourself. She will either sober up and come around or you will separate but you will own you place in the world and be proud of yourself and grow!

[@MrHydevsDrJekyll]

Narcissism and co dependence go hand and hand. Controlling behavior indicates insecurity. Bye!

[@mike7933]

Sounds like this guy is about to pay the stupid tax LOL

[@baysideharpy8350]

This can only get worse. Run!

[@katwilliams2950]

I know 3 years is a long time. Take it as a learning opportunity. And tbh if you want to try, sit down, have a very serious conversation, and see if you want to try couples counseling...and therapy for her definitely, but possibly for you as well. But don't guilt yourself out of leaving if you feel like this isn't a good fit for you.

[@GentlRebel]

Life is way too short to put up with an abusive relationship, which is what this is. Get out now.

[@devopshelper]

- "I don't know if I should leave " - Run

[@baldersn4474]

The lovebombing stage has worn off, the devalue is in full swing...Next will be the disgard...Get out mate while u ca...Before she does, she will gk off woth somebody else who will guve her fresh sympathy and validate her victim status...She sounds like a Covert Narc...And your codependent from childhood...Been there. She taking her past out on u as she's not dealt with her own stuff..

[@aboutmillions]

I always wonder how things last this long, for me I sniff out these characteristics after a few weeks. Control comes from insecurity, but it’s not your job to fix anyone.

[@brettemiller8046]

Lol. Dr John had to fight so hard to not just tell this guy to dump her.

[@boxesbinslidsllc]

RUN 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♂️

[@tequisaholloway1738]

RUN

[@yelenaangeleski3354]

He wants out and is calling Delony for permission to leave the girlfriend. It's not that he's "not allowed" to see his family but that she's asking they synchronize their visits to their respective families. Sounds reasonable to me. It's not that he's "not allowed" to see his friends, but that she's lonely in a state where she has no friends yet and he's leaving her alone for evenings out with his drinking buddies. Do the woman and yourself a favour, and break up, move out, let be.

[@Jong853]

If the genders were swapped, would you still respond in the way? And how is it his fault that she has no friends? Thats on her.

[@jessicamaria6009]

Nah my man run away . If they are that controlling it will only be worse . Marriage forget about it

[@apaulotroughtzmantz2914]

If he takes a loss on the car he will have saved himself a lifetime of problems for $30,000. Sounds like a deal to me

[@linhaton4957]

Break up and move on. You already know this the right thing to do.

[@KidCity1985]

Run!

[@24collin24Collin]

Hon my therapist told me to seek freedom

[@JustinCase780]

Boise is so beautiful and a fantastic place to hike, bike, enjoy a coffee on 13th Street, etc... Dude, break up now. At your young age it's normal to feel "committed" after being together with someone for three years. The auto loan is nothing...move on. She's not your problem.

[@sleepyjoeb.8726]

Get out dude!!!

[@michelejohnson6459]

If he leaves he will find another like her or worse.😮

[@NoneYa-pg6dk]

I’ll take his words a face value. In this case, yes, for everyone sake leave the relationship. Some boys don’t know how to be assertive. Please be mature and honest. Some like to play the game until they can’t no more. Ends up leading girls to love his potential until he shows his true side and neither one has the guts to leave the relationship first.

[@themoonbleu627]

Well I wonder why she is so controlling was it something he’s done or what are the issues if he’s unhappy that car loan is the last thing to worry about it’s time to go not even married !

[@TheFlyingZulu]

In either case they need to split... That's no way to live for either of them.

[@scroogemcduckismyspiritanimal]

Why would you ask what he's done that she's controlling? Controlling people don't need a reason. They just are.

[@loezakidd3149]

Bro just break up wtf

[@jessicaxu6932]

the best thing in life is FREE!!!!!!

[@neededtobesaid4275]

The easy and flippant answer is "DUMP HER"! He has to walk around on egg shells when he gets home?!? Wonder what Dr. John would say if a man was controlling a woman like this. Probably would have called the man a jerk and selfish.

[@asookhoo4907]

Later down in the video, John says he is not going to tell him what to do and I agree. He would have dumped her by now but instead, he called to get advice so obviously, he is still on the fence about it. I think John was focusing on him thinking about his future if he stays with his girlfriend vs if he breaks up with her.

[@shachede6828]

There is already call like that, no need to wonder. Dr John never tell anyone what decision to make. He advice them based on way they want to do or what either options are. You can tell from his videos he is telling this guy to dump her. He tells him the decision is up to them, he says it to any gender

[@munterboy1744]

Walking on eggshell I'm my house is what iv been doing for 7 years.

[@doom2797]

“I’m not allowed” does that sound right

[@wyleecoyotee4252]

Exactly. That's what I tell all women when men try to dominate.

[@carolinechow1702]

Guy...run. It will only get worse with time. Marriage would make it worse...I have seen this within my own family.

[@wenchyfoodwench4098]

Why would he allow her to control him? They are just dating. It’s his fault for allowing it. Break up with her and sell the car or buy her out of it. Or take the loss. As John said it’s a stupid tax. Dating is to discern if someone is a match and she’s clearly not. But it’s his fault for allowing the behavior.

[@greenAbbot]

It’s not really about who’s fault it is; it’s about him having the power to change the situation.

[@TheBytesHertz]

Wise words: cheaper than a divorce. If its not going right, it wont get better. Walk away and pay the stupid tax.

[@5664788]

oh John,...a better solution would be that the one that wants the car,.....get it refi'ed in your name & take the payments,...if neither can refi,...sell,....simple,............NEVER let a woman start to rule over you,..once you let it happen,.......your done

[@Kevin-uq7nc]

I’m not going to tell you to do it but I’m telling you to do it!