My Husband Cheats on Me with My High School Bully, So I Decide to Divorce Him Without Saying a Word

[@BillAnon]

If you cheat, you have to be prepared for the consequences. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.

[@caleblpz]

Amen

[@jay_dave8722]

As much as I feel sorry for Tom, Tom should have realized that cheating has consequence.

[@NewYorkJennifer]

Tom didn't just cheat, he did it with ops bully. And he knew all about what OP had been put through with her. It was the WORST kind of betrayal. OP is not to blame for what he did to himself.

[@InvasionAnimation]

ikr

[@andreavanhoof6047]

How could he cheat with the OPs bully!

[@danielvroom1331]

Any departure/ divorce from OP's ex-husband would have led to severe depression. He was mentally unstable from the beginning of the story, and while his death was tragic, OP was in the right to act in a cold manner and get that divorce. I suggest a therapist and time to heal this scar with OP's heart, and we can wish her the best as she moves on.

[@darronpattel]

OP seems to be a coward for not getting revenge on the bully and only going nuclear on her husband.

[@cindyduncan6524]

it takes 2 to tango you cant steal someone who is not willing

[@drgirlfriend211]

Exactly this…

[@virtualshoppers6633]

Thank you! You just gave me faith that I am not wrong. I have been telling my dumb girlfriends the same things for years! They have always direct their anger at the wrong person. Thanks for making my day!

[@UchuKejiMovan]

​@@virtualshoppers6633 your friends cam still be angry at the person who interjected themselves into someone else's relationship. The other person owes it too themselves to be a decent person

[@perfectlyimperfect9129]

Sad but True !!

[@nilianstroy]

Only a cheater will try to blame op for anything that happemed to Tom...

[@anggamaulana3498]

Tom himself was bullied, but he himself had an affair with the women who bullied his wife. Tom pretty much realize that jessica slept with him only to hurt OP. After OP left, his past depression came back. With his mess up mind he blame himself for losing his wife who he believe was the only women who willing to marry a person like him. Plus jessica probably mess up his mind more deeply that made him believe that there no more reason for him to live in this world. Please don't blame yourself OP, you were just trying to protect yourself from all those mess.

[@Fiero425]

That wasn't what killed him; more about his vindictive ex-wife! She wanted him destroyed and she got it! ;-(

[@kellijasper5912]

@@Fiero425 why did Tom expect to be forgiven? He chose to destroy his marriage by being unfaithful. OP did what necessary for her to move on. Tom took his life because he couldn’t face what he had done nor did he want to deal with the consequences of his actions.

[@JAcm49]

@@Fiero425 please, good riddance to Tom he’s obviously a narc.

[@Fiero425]

@@kellijasper5912 Whatever! She has no culpability? Nice to be a vindictive b!tch & to be applauded for it! ;-(

[@Fiero425]

@@JAcm49 Must be nice to not have a conscience! Enjoy whatever's left of your life being so "caring!" ;-(

[@marcihaught1840]

She didn’t cause his state. He did. If he had remained faithful to his wife none of this would’ve happened.

[@BathWater0427]

I think. Tom should’ve gone to therapy and turned his life around after she left. It’s not her fault whatsoever

[@cookiescott9329]

If he really loved her he never would have cheated on her. What he did was on him and no one else. His suicide is the ultimate selfish move and i do believe he did it so she would suffer. This is like a punishment for her because hes basically saying its her fault for not taking him back. A waste of his life and hers because she will always have this in her memories.

[@mikepaleo1194]

This is the correct take. It was his 'revenge', saying "see, see what you made me do!"

[@Ocean_Monae]

I mean, play stupid games and win stupid prizes. He, in every sense of the statement, "did it to himself." I just can't find an ounce of sympathy for him🤷🏾‍♀️ Hope karma hits op's bully like a truck.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Same here. I'm obviously not happy about the suicide, but I just can't feel sorry for him either. (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠) Not after the way he betrayed OP and then expected to be forgiven.

[@emilymorrison3186]

I can. Depression is a really hard mental disease. He was targeted and betrayed. Not only by Miranda, but by his own wife. She didn't even tell him she was divorcing him. Just, 'Yeah, we might work things out...Whoops! Nevermind! We're divorced! Byeee!' The cheating is inexcusable. But Everyone Sucks Here.

[@jay_dave8722]

​@@emilymorrison3186 "HE WAS BETRAYED BY HIS OWN WIFE?!" Are you even listening to the whole story? If anyone was betrayed, it was OP! The wife! If you feel sorry for the guy who can't keep his d*ck in his pants how the hell do you think the wife (OP) felt after learning of the betrayal, and the most painful of all is the person whom he betrayed with was OP's tormentor. The divorce was legal, the reason OP did it was not to drag things any longer and to end it because it would take an emotional toll on her. What happened to her ex husband is his luggage to carry, yes it was unfortunate but it was by his own doing and his alone. You can't just cheat and walk away like nothing has happened there are consequences. He wanted to play with fire but couldn't handle it.

[@annkupke4263]

Some bullies have kids and then the kid gets bullied or the kid is born with disabilities. I know several classmates that were that way. Some years later at a reunion one even apologized. I accepted her apology because I am analytical. I knew she would grow up and realize that what happens in high school you think you are all that but once out in the real world you start back and nobody really cares what you were in high school. At the reunions it was kind of laughable cheerleaders that were fit now chunky, divorced one got divorced 3 times. Some changed for the better and want people to know the ire of their ways. I too have changed.

[@annkupke4263]

​@Jay_Dave87 exactly. He knew about her tormentor. Yet he just had to get his rocks off. But possible that Jessica she being of low moral and diabolical might of used him

[@laurabenevelli6783]

It’s sad that he chose to end his life. That’s not in question. It’s not OP’s fault though. If OP would have stayed he could have repeated this behavior to lock her into a highly toxic relationship. It would have allowed him to truly do whatever he wanted to do. OP would have been miserable, possibly even with marriage counseling and individual counseling. Tom should have gone to counseling and possibly the hospital for a while.

[@Fiero425]

Delude yourself all you like! This b!tch wasn't going to be really happy until he was miserable! "HAPPY NOW!" Women are such hypocrites and deceitful liars! She played him until he was dead! She couldn't just leave him; she needed him destroyed! She should be quite satisfied with herself! ;-(

[@Digitalfairy]

@@Fiero425 So she was supposed to stick it out with a two-faced cheat of a husband and be a constant doormat to him and the ex-bully?! Must be nice to be such an incel (don't give a crap whatever you are) who never takes responsibility.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I agree with you. I'm obviously not happy about the suicide, but at the same time, I just can't help but feel like OP wasn't wrong here. She might have gone far here(I don't think this at all, I only say this because I know there's Holier than thou police lurking around), but I'm sure that if OP had taken him back, the abuse would start once more and I'm sure a lot of people would've seen her as a doormat who let her bully and her husband step all over her.

[@Fiero425]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly He wasn't mistreating his wife over the actual affair! If anyone was a doormat, it was this poor guy on his last legs and she loved it! What regrets? ;-(

[@koko6504]

@@Fiero425 he could have down the line

[@phihe5083]

When will people learn that adultery is not only against the person you're with; it's also against your own principles. I don't know how you live with yourself after that betrayal.

[@lauramuller7079]

I had a similar situation where a boy pulled down my shirt to expose me during passing hall. Didnt end well for him as my dad rode his harly straight into the school hallway took out a baseball bat and bashed the principal office counter top asking what they were going to donabout it. My older brothers friends found out and the cops were call to escort young man out of school for his safety. He was expelled and moved to a new school, got a new identity cause my stepdad was in a gang at the time.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

Hopefully that young man learned his lesson and treated others with respect. Good on your father and brothers! You're lucky to have them! ❤❤

[@MamaNiSpock]

OMG you need to share the whole story here xD

[@DagNeb_It]

As someone who suffers from depression and those feeling myself, and I feel for Tom; but it was his choice to not get proper treatment, relying on his wife for emotional attachment, cheating, and choosing to end it. It’s was Tom’s choice. It’s not OPs fault. Tom was a grown person still living with his inner child emotions. Please, if you read this and feel like Tom, seek help. Please, for I love you.

[@ufotheories1173]

Perfectly stated and same to you ❤❤

[@ajackson3864]

That’s nice. 😄

[@Odd_Interaction]

As for OP going to far, it always amazes me when someone (Tom in this case) does something that will cause a reaction of some kind from his wife. The issue is that for every action, there will be a reaction or consequence. It can be a reaction or consequence that was expected or one that isn’t expected. The person who caused the action, has absolutely no say in what the reaction will be. Nothing, expected reaction or straight on fight to the knife with no prisoners taken. In this case Tom expected to be forgiven and that his marriage or relationship would 32:27 continue on as it always had. OP, well her reaction evidently was not what Tom thought would happen. See you just can never really know how bad your spouse will react in a given situation. I have zero issues with what OP did, cheaters get exactly what they deserve. No punishment is to severe. Once the trust between a husband and wife is broken it can never ever be the same as it once was. There will always be a voice whispering deep within that you can not trust the cheater. Why should the victim not be allowed to say what the consequences of the betrayal will be. In this case OP reacted in a manner that Tom failed to take into consideration was even a possibility. Sucks to be him, he threw away a relationship and now must face the reaction.

[@flamelily2086]

I understand why OP divorced Tom but it was low for her to pretend they could get back together while preparing the divorce behind is back. OP should have been up front about the divorce from the start.

[@femiogundiya7522]

He could of said no I love my wife but he the one who maid the choice so he has to suffer the consequences it's not sad he living like that he should move on and not make the same mistake with next one so not the ass hole

[@karinasamaniego8765]

So those stupid commenters think a woman has to stay with a cheating spouse so they don't off themselves??? The ones blaming OP are probably cheaters, themselves because that's an outrageous take. It's not OP's fault he had no self control. It is sad what happened but he did it to himself.

[@Digitalfairy]

Especially when it comes from idiots like Jamie M. calling OP the bad guy.

[@MiraTheWarlock]

I recently dealt with something similar. I had a friend who was extremely verbally abusive, would put me down to build herself up and turned gaslighting into a sport. However I'd be guilted to stay friends with her or itd be my fault if she self-deleted. In the rare times its not bluff, they're not some poor sad victim, they couldn't handle losing their punching bag. The commenters are no different. All they care about is keeping a garbage person alive

[@kevintull3302]

I have one important rule that I don't even allow any jokes to. And that is about cheating. I'm single my whole life, I was in love with the girl who is now together with my best friend, I'm the godfather of their son and even if they ever go apart I would never get together with her. I would personally count that as cheating. Cheating is a huge betrayel. And I wish traitors the worst suffering. And everyone who defends cheater are human scum. I'm male and it's not so difficult to make a decision. To cheat or manual operation. Well option two is way better.

[@InvasionAnimation]

Ikr folks think a horrible person's life is worth something. They're wrong!

[@karinasamaniego8765]

@@InvasionAnimation most everyone's life is worth something. But the one who cheats is not the responsibility of the one who was cheated on.

[@amandasimpson34]

That’s so sad it’s crazy I’m listening to this. When I just heard that a kid from my kid’s school committed the deed due to bullying. We really have to talk to our kids as much as you can to try to end things like this quick and instant. Its not ok

[@JamesAvila-xu7ds]

That deed or mass shootings

[@amandasimpson34]

@@JamesAvila-xu7ds both

[@jmarie9997]

OP isn't responsible for anything ex or bully did. She's lucky to be out of it.

[@hazlinaumar5888]

How is the bully not expelled permanently from school. That was sexual abused and a serious offence, pulling down a teenage girl’s pants down is serious matter not something to be taken lightly.

[@Mr.Reddito]

its still happen

[@nancymcclain2533]

I'm with OP. There's nothing wrong about petty. Husband damaged OP soul too only she was strong enough to survive and he wasn't.

[@luismvilla1]

OP took justified steps, if she would have taken him back the thought of him being with someone else would always linger. Trust was broken.

[@marthaandrews441]

Just a minute he tells you he still loves you and may gave a deal. Did he not just lie in the lawyers office saying that you were the cheater. And you feel bad. Get to a therapist, your self esteem is non exsistent. Good luck.

[@marleneperry6972]

The bully... her actions are far-reaching...if she hadn't bullied OP, things might very different.

[@indirastone7382]

Being married to a cheater is a miserable life. It opens a person up to feelings of doubt, pain & regret. Not to mention STDs. OP felt like she couldn’t remain in a broken trust, so she divorced the adulterer. The the series of events that happened afterward had nothing to do with her & everything to do with the deceased. Awards aren’t given for those persons who choose to stay in relationships plagued by adultery & cheating.

[@teritt]

As a person going into psychology who also knows that many mentally ill people can be abusers, any eventual harm they cause to themselves is in and of itself a manipulation tactic. Suicidal people are not selfish, the action of suicide is not selfish. But selfish people can commit suicide and still be a selfish person.

[@Danarchy3]

Spoken like a true high school psych student. Suicide isn't selfish 😂😂🤣

[@markgoodwin6266]

The only one that screwed Tom over was Tom, then he didn't have the strength to deal with his own infidelity. Je doomed himself.

[@humanbeing8948]

Tom couldn't move on because he needed his bang maid. He didn't have his mistress either. Stories like this are why women are opting out of dating and marriage.

[@GSSAGE7]

Maybe it's just my tendency to obsess over minor details, but I'm curious as to where Tom got the idea that OP cheated too.

[@robingibson6561]

Yeah, I was curious about that too? If he was saying OP cheated bcuz she divorced him, then he's deflecting his actions and responsibilities for the divorce onto OP. Typical...

[@ladymermalade]

He said she cheated when she tricked him with divorce.

[@izabellemarie7944]

Yeah but that's not cheating, Tom should have read the papers before he signed them. Never sign anything until you've read it through.

[@GSSAGE7]

@ladymermalade Except in this context, nobody would call that "cheating".

[@stephaniewilson3955]

It is called 'mirroring' pretending that your opposition has all your worst traits.

[@anastasiam1628]

Im just wondering, during the time amanda was bullied in HS, when Jessica pulled down her skirt to embarrass her, what did Amanda's parents do ? For me, I would be furious and sue the bully and school for not expelling the bully.

[@goomba1000]

The only thing I can think of that she did wrong was to get Tom to blindly sign divorce papers, but other than that, that's it. I'm not saying she was wrong to get a divorce, but I think she should've said something.

[@toomanyjstoomanyrs1705]

As someone who went thru a breakup and took years to get over it, I can tell you that Tom should've surrounded himself with people that loved him. That's what saved me. I'm 50 now and I've gotten over some of the bullying I suffered in high school. Other memories still linger, and not good ones.

[@Uthgardloki]

3days is a suspension, permanent removal from school is expelled

[@vegasrenie]

There are people you don't cheat with (I mean you don't cheat with ANYBODY, but here are some worse) such as a blood relative, someone who's married to a blood relative, someone who's defenseless, or someone's bully. Cheating with a bully is like taking the bully's lifelong barbs and stabbing OP with them. While it's unfortunate that he did himself in, it was not OPs fault. He's the one who cheated with the worst person possible.

[@InvasionAnimation]

He deserved it.

[@Danarchy3]

Have to agree with Tom... kinda. While he should not have cheated on his wife, she did him dirty. If she wanted to try and fix the marriage then great. If she wanted to end it she should have been up front about it.

[@vikingreflections2824]

In all my relationships I would never have dreamed about cheating. I know nothing about that. What i do know about is bullies. I got to the point that I was just as sadistic as them, only directed at the bullies themselves. I caused a lot of pain in fighting back. I guess what im getting at is that sometimes you have to become the monster others are to get satisfaction and peace.

[@josanchez666]

Why didn't the parents of op step in to correct the bullying of the child. That should have been stop then.

[@andreavanhoof6047]

Why couldn't the school just expel Jessica and have other schools not accept her because of her bullying!

[@lmjpc1]

I don’t see how it’s completely legal for just putting papers down and having him sign without any knowledge of what it is.

[@patriciacornett6748]

Nothing OP could have done would have prevented Tom from spiraling into depression. Tom would have killed himself regardless of which way the divorce was handled. At least it did not end up as a murder suicide, which is probably what would have happened if OP had gone the "conventional" route with the divorce. OP did what was necessary to get out of a relationship that had become toxic. Do not even try to tell me that OP being guilted by Tom into staying in their marriage after such a massive betrayal is not toxic. OP has absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Tom proved just how selfish and toxic he was by killing himself. Suicide is the ultimate selfish act. He may not have admitted it to himself before or during the act, but this was his way of "getting even" with OP for "deserting" him.

[@girl1213]

She didn't "go too far." She left a man who cheated on her and couldn't trust him to not do it again because he knew from the beginning who he was cheating on and with what kind of woman he was cheating with. He was not ignorant in the least bit and shouldn't have been surprised that she left him, divorced him and took from him what she was owed *by law* It is not her job to make him feel better or soften a blow from consequences to bad actions. I mean, this guy tried to turn the tables and blame her for the cheating and STILL tried to claim he still loved? No. He wanted to undo an action that caused these bad consequences and found out he couldn't and didn't accept it. He put blame on her to justify taking his life, but really it was just him running away from his problems. She's a good person to feel the way she does, but in the end, she didn't take his life: he did.

[@lnaph]

Their mom's advice is so true sadly.

[@oyeme538]

In my head she’s right. If I was in that situation, I’d be weak and end up taking him back and work on it.

[@Baptisteog18]

Well I can’t say I feel any sympathy for Tom. Then again after being collateral damage due to one of my parents infidelity, I dare say the severe depression, or worse, is exactly what he deserved.

[@gemimahzzz]

Had OP communicated her intent to divorce him she would have had to deal with emotional blackmail. All through their relationship she had been his rock, she built him up, in spite of the scars she had from years of harassment from Jessica. His actions were the worst kind of betrayal. Why is the victim always expected to be understanding of the feelings of those who injure them? OP was in a situation where she had legal advice concerning her plan, and her lawyer approved it. Her husband could have sought help, and his family and friends could have intervened, but they didn't. Depression is suffered by many people, but it is the individual that must take responsibility at some point; take the meds, get counselling and take responsibility. OP's husband was sorry because he realised what he was losing, his support person, not his wife.

[@Danarchy3]

Why is the victim redirected to understand feelings...? Because that's party of being human, and secondly without understanding the feelings of others they become hypocrites. Sorry not sorry you can't cry victim and then ignore others feelings. If you do then you lose any rig for others to care about your feelings and thus you get more fuel for the victim mentality. It's a vicious circle

[@menahobs4537]

This isn't your fault.

[@FluWorldOrder]

Tom would of known the name of his wife's bully, thus the infidelity was a big betrayal.

[@darknessmage7459]

I feel disappointed that op did not take revenge on her bully.

[@ajackson3864]

OP shouldn’t have hid that she was divorcing him. Suicide is never anyone’s fault except the victim.

[@aaronmedley7606]

Ah yes Tom selfish till the end

[@italia1975guy]

Sorry it’s not her fault he took his life. He cheated he failed at being a respectful human being. He should have thought about his actions before cheating with her bully. If it was the other way around, he would have had the same reaction and did the same thing in the end. His family needed to get him help and prob could have had him put in under a 5150 for a 3 day eval. I know this can be done by close family. It’s unfortunate but she’s not to blame. He seemed to be on this path long before they met, so why would he do this to OP? Is this a case of him just thinking with his little brain, he had to know the outcome. As for the stupid bully, she can rot alone and I would not even care if she wound up in a cardboard box on skid row making money as a……. It would be fitting. I hope OP gets on with life in the future and no one should make her a villain. The real villain is the disgusting villain!! Let’s not forget that. I feel for OP and anyone else involved destroyed themselves. Sorry again, it’s true though!!

[@Digitalfairy]

Yeah, and to think dumba**** like Jamie M. are calling OP the bad guy. What is this the damn twilight zone? I though everyone here and on reddit hate cheaters especially if they cheat on someone with a former bully.

[@shadowblade19]

One dirt bag bites the dust, for good. Good damn riddance of a weak man. Now op's bully just needs something bad to happen to her.

[@raejiisa4948]

That's not expelling its a suspension.

[@unicorngj]

Only thing I can think of doing is going to counseling. One that helps in broader issues...

[@aryanblitzkrieg9771]

Hope you used those text messages and photos in the divorce.

[@teefate8965]

Keep it coming

[@tracyrieonhall7434]

Crazy wow there's no freaking way that I would've allowed him back into my life regardless of how he begged or how much he cried. He made his bed sonlet him lay in it see once you do me wrong that's it you'll never get a second chance especially since you cheated with someone that used to make my life miserable by being a bully. What gall to think that he would've automatically be taken back after he did such a thing. There's nothing in the world that would ever make me take a cheater back plis I wouldn't ever speak to him again goidbye

[@acstewart4]

He cared about her so much but cheated on her, with her enemy. He brought this on himself. He should have loved her enough to not sleep with someone else in the first place.

[@dorothylloyd1804]

Thanks again

[@tyffanypoudrier6610]

He did it himself when you cheat that’s what you get.

[@maggielucy9824]

OP, he's suffered from depression and abuse for most of his life. He wanted to die. It was a given. It was just a matter of time before he followed through.

[@User-nx7rs]

Keeping the divorce a secret was deceitful as the keeping the affair a secret. Tom had mental issues to begin with thus that is just what pushed him over the edge.

[@janmarie3976]

I'd move away life can always get better in another space and you did ok .and Tom's problems are not yours

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

No one caused Tom to go into depression but Tom’s actions.

[@starfangssecrets5118]

I don’t think she should have kept the signing of the divorce papers quiet, but his actions aren’t her fault. He needed help and his death is sad, but your SO is not your therapist-they are your partner. Everyone is responsible for their own actions.

[@timtompkins8774]

Its not her fault he took his life but she made him think they may stay together and tricked him into divorce which shattered his world way more harshly than what was needed.

[@PercyPruneMHDOIFandBars]

OP did nothing wrong. It's clear she's still badly damaged by the bullying and the guilt she feels over Toms' incredibly selfish actions won't help. The fact is HE'S A BULLY TOO! Trying to force her to stay with him like that is just lower than a snakes belly underground. He got his just desserts. I just hope OP can find peace.

[@ghost_anna_reads787]

Wow. Tom was so far up his own ass, he not only cheated on OPs bully, who he knew was a bully, but also decided to commit suicide instead of getting help. Like, was he hoping for it to be a close call so OP woukd come back? Tom and his actions dont make him sound at ALL like a sympathetic character.

[@giantdevil2613]

She should have just left him from the start.

[@jsonwoon9275]

I'm a little bit confused i heard another story of this but it's a different narrative or is it a different story but same situation

[@eleanorhardy683]

It was Tom's own fault for not being able to handle the consequences of his own actions. She should not blame herself for one thing that he bought upon himself. lust is a deadly thing. Her mom was wrong, because one day, her bully will reap what she has sown. You can't, and will not escape karma.

[@cindybubbles]

The only thing that OP did wrong was not to tell Tom about the divorce right away. She should have done that and stood her ground instead of telling him that they might get back together again.

[@Kanamesamasqueen]

No it was bad enough he cheated on but what made it worse was the fact that he cheated on her WITH HER BULLY. Had it been any other woman she may have stayed with him a while longer but the fact he cheated on her would have been in the back of her mind the entire time and they may have still ended up divorced. I'm just sad he killed himself because he couldn't handled her leaving him. But what really surprised me is the fact she didn't go after the bully affair partner for ruining her marriage. She could have made her pay for being the cause of the divorce and maybe even put a restraining order on her to stay away from OP and anyone OP was with based on the fact that she caused a divorce & the fact she probably chose him BECAUSE she bullied OP in the first place. Hell who's to say that she wasn't stalking OP in the first place and when she saw she was happily married she decided to get between them just to bully her more.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

That's exactly what I would've done. In fact, I also would've seen to it that she lost custody of her baby.

[@TehAnshiTunes]

Hahaha. I understand that - "He could have slept with Hitler and I would have just frowned. But Jessica?!" I almost got one of my older brothers kicked out of the family home when it came out he was sleeping with my nemesis - she was then underage. She retaliated by saying I just wanted to sleep with him. (EW. NO. THATS MY BROTHER!) Um... no. I just didnt want her IN MY HOME!

[@anita6761]

He was responsible for his own actions,as sad as his death was op could not have predicted it.

[@stersil]

Tom earned his comeuppance. Can't be held responsible for the outcome of his actions. Sorry that he ended his own life.. But it was his choice.

[@mattyw8811]

OP is very cruel to her ex

[@seshasatyakrishna5016]

I can say one thing.. not that she should have, but she could have done a visitation and wellness check on him, knowing his mental state.. he endured his presence till she gave the divorce papers, why can't she ensure he's stabilized by enduring his presence a little longer? Optimist inside me speaks all this.. but she has all the right to remain distant, but using that right led to where exactly? This case, no one wins.. so it's too heavy to process.. I sympathize with that guy (OP here is out of equation) for taking poor decisions continuously

[@greergarlick4675]

I'm with op on this. Anything other than that is victim blaming, op's husband cheated, then blamed op for his depression- is that not called gaslighting? Even after he died, people were commenting with further gaslighting comments like it's op's fault her husband cheated 🤡🤷🏻 you clearly have never been cheated on if you don't see any issue in this story

[@Itas888]

Sad story, no winners

[@rantuoftheshadows]

op did nothing wrong

[@skyhime]

Sometimes, theres just no going back. Even if she devorced him properly, the results would have been the same. She was his life buthe messed up big time. She was not having any of that, ever! Theres no getting back. I saw it coming. I wuld have made conditions but thats me. Not the jerk. Not her fault for him playing mind craft.

[@MyEyesShapeMyViews]

There's nothing wrong with what OP did nor is there any blame/guilt to put at OP's feet. By moving forward with the divorce but keeping it on the down low, she avoided the "guilt shaming" and other tactics Tom might have taken to talk her out of it (once a cheater - always a cheater - with full disregard of his/her partner). Life is about choice and consequence (good and bad). He made the choice to cheat, chose to cheat with a known historical bully of his wife and he struggled with the consequences of his actions and of getting caught. He quilted himself, felt regret and consumed himself into a depression he couldn't rise above. No fault or cause by OP but by his own action and choices. This might sound cold but sometimes life is not pretty. People who make poor decisions continue to make poor decisions until there are no more decisions to make. I don't understand why there are some people out there that lie, cheat, steal, etc. and get caught doing "whatever" and then do not understand why saying 'I'm sorry" doesn't wash their bad deeds away without consequence as what the 'bad deed' did never happened ... that fantasy world really doesn't exist

[@albertgongora6944]

I'm not going to lie this is going to sound harsh but I don't have sympathy for Tom before he took his life but I do have sympathy on the fact that he was battling with so many demons from bullying self-esteem issues and probably so many other problems that were going on with him as a person but at the same time that the he should have got through his head is nobody else was responsible for what he lost except him I mean it's sad that he took his life and I would never wish that upon anybody to do that to themselves or think of ever harming themselves because I feel like if you ever feel that you're at this low of a point where you're willing to do something like that please see some help immediately but the only other thing I could say here is I just hope that the original poster gets past this situation and understand that it's not their fault it's there bullies fault and sorry to say it's Tom's fault to he knew what he was doing and if he really loved and cared for the original poster he never would have done this

[@eixor]

Jessica got what she wanted! To destroy your relationship with Tom. And she cared less of Tom. He was her pawn. I understand your trust issues but I wonder if a person can forgive this type of onetime mistake Tom made. We are supposed to forgive. I sometimes wonder if I’m strong enough to forgive this?

[@Tonio167911]

As I dont condone cheating, OP is in the wrong here. She said that she could have forgave him for cheating but for the bully. She did nothing to the Bully but allow her to make OP into a bully as well. She even says that Tom was manipulated by her bully. She should of left Tom in the beginning but she went back and forgave him the conned him into a divorce while giving hope for reconciliation all the while knowing how fragile his mental state was from the day she met him. I am also pretty sure he had no clue that he was messing with her bully but the bully knew he was her husband. The bully knew she could manipulate that guy who was a weirdo that may have never had a beautiful woman throw herself at him as his wife was his only. Not to make excuses but it is what it is.

[@sharyebethancourt3660]

I didn’t see that ending coming, but I don’t think OP was to blame. Maybe keeping the divorce a secret wasn’t the best idea, but idk that that was too far.

[@jefferypowell9885]

I remember being bullied i got mad snd beat him up that ended his mesnesd

[@maryannali4752]

OP did nothing wrong

[@jackiehenry3372]

There are somethings, that you can help, but others you can't. Tom is gone and I'm sorry for this, but she should have talked to him, and listened to him before she made her decision, and give him the chance to get everything out. They could've divorced without anger, and hurt. However, most men are easily led to cheat if the opportunity is there, not excusing him, but consider who he cheated with. She set out to seduce him because she didn't like OP. There's enough blame to go around.

[@susierosenquist3920]

Oh BS ~~ Complete Deal Breaker!!! Hell No

[@vanessabyerly242]

As someone who suffers from depression and whom has had thoughts of suicidal myself it is not O.P. fault for want happened. It may of been slightly underhanded with the way she went about the divorce but I feel that if she didn’t she herself might of lost it. He seemed super needy and unwilling to take full responsibility for his actions. Actions in which are not her responsibility. He chose to put the marriage in to jeopardy by cheating. She had every right to look after her own happiness once her husband totally disregarded her feelings in the first place. Though I do sympathize with the late husband as shitty as his actions where he did not deserve the outcome. I wish he would of got the help or accepted help he so desperately needed and deserved. It just a shitty situation where everyone loses.

[@mayaalieva938]

I'm right on the fence about this. I mean, maybe as a last act of kindness checking Tom in to a mental health clinic, if he was a danger to himself would alleviate some guilt. But on the other hand what was she supposed to do? Carry on a marriage that's already been poisoned by this little psychotic pissant, and live forever with the trust issues and insecurities? Then her mental health would be suffering too. Ideally maybe marriage counseling could have helped, but again how does one go about rebuilding trust?

[@jackierenee1691]

His family should have committed him if it got that bad. Wellness checks, something, anything.

[@samantharoggelin1467]

@@jackierenee1691 sometimes mentally Ill people tend to keep their mental health to themselves, especially men. Society doesn’t take men’s mental health very seriously and that’s kind of why the majority of women struggle with mental health but we don’t know how many men do. Because they tend to not say. They are either told to suck it up or man up.

[@Fiero425]

@@jackierenee1691 Keep on passing the buck! ;-(

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I'm kinda on the fence with this one too. I'm obviously not happy about the suicide, but I don't know how else OP could've handled it, other than place him in a mental hospital as a last act of kindness.

[@Fiero425]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly He'd still be alive! She just didn't GAF listening to vindictive women who wanted the guy punished to the hilt! They got what they wanted! Satisfied? ;-(

[@nimisilverbird1239]

Nta. Sue your soon to be ex and jessica. They both deserve to rot and pay.

[@jillmortlock8439]

Were there no teachers at OP's school?

[@Iris-xw2ts]

All things considered OP was wronged by the very person she loved and trusted. Saddened by the loss of her ex husband, hope you will be able to love and trust someone again.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

And hopefully if Jessica comes sniffing around again, OP takes action against her.

[@marlyrayray1338]

Ive heard this story before, but it was a little different. She didn't go into details about the bullying and the way she discovered affair was different