My Husband Is BEGGING To Go On His Boys Trip But Won't Respect That I Said NO r/Relationships

[@ebagentj]

Story 2: Poor Josh. He didn't just lose a wife, he lost a sister.

[@KeitieKalopsia]

Lmao

[@lindenhill951]

OMG

[@LadyJoolree]

🎶Sweet home Alanama 🎶

[@Melmac101]

😂😂😂

[@drea4195]

Story 2: the little tell in there is when OP's husband said he would admit to his lie and tell his co workers the truth "if she wanted him to". So basically, putting the responsibility on her. It's a subtle way of pressuring her into protecting him by consenting to the lie. Here's an idea dude: Just man up and tell them. You don't need your wife's consent to tell the truth! Also noticed, OP's parents downplaying this and telling her that this is just a bump in the road. Taking his side over their own daughter's. OP, I am so sorry you had all of this hit you at once. I pray for you.

[@trillionbones89]

So afraid of being a bad father he became a bad father. He disliked his father being distant and neglectful - and follows right in his footsteps. Too afraid to be a bad father made him a bad one.

[@stlbf75]

They had at least 1 actual conversation about Jake's fear of not being a good father. And they then both proceed to not do anything! No suggestions to see a therapist, taking parenting or even just reading parenting books! Both of these ADULTS are stunned at how selfish and crappy of a parent and partner Jake has blossomed into! I think OP needs to talk to her doctor about her anxieties. They might have a bit of PPD. Jake needs to hit up IC about his daddy issues. Both of them can go to parenting classes. Especially if Jake is an only child or the youngest in his family. It just feels like he isn't super comfortable and knowledgeable about babies. So he needs to do the work at improving his daddy skills! Just admitting he has fears isn't that great. He needs to work to change that fact!

[@jake8748]

The old saying, hurt people hurt people.

[@SCP01986]

@@jake8748 Nonsense.

[@evonneacevedo6578]

“I’m just warning you in advance: My father was a real dick, so when I start acting like a dick you can’t be mad, okay?”

[@jake8748]

@@SCP01986 how so? It's a very well reported and studied where people with past issues often inflict those issues onto others without meaning it.

[@floatyMcSpace]

No way he was wearing that wedding ring at work.

[@RobDaCajun]

Bingo

[@ZarineBashire]

Story 2: the point where she confronts him with evidence and he lies to her face would be it for me. That is a hard line and I would have been done and contacting a lawyer

[@carterpitbull7366]

Yep. He was cheating 100%. He’s just glad that she didn’t find the proof of the cheating.

[@VeggieMama722]

Question. Where's OPs "break" away from the baby? Does she get to take off for a week? Oh yeah, she can't have one.

[@socketyellow3]

Guess he considers her being at home due to pregnancy a break or vacation

[@RazorRyan100]

Maybe she take one later? It doesn't need to be at the same time or even the same year.

[@colleens1107]

Well she DID address that, sounds like she has post partum anxiety and literally CANT be away from her baby because of her nerves

[@VeggieMama722]

@colleens1107 she's nursing so even if she didn't have PD she wouldn't be able to go on a week vacation without the baby.

[@AndreNDP]

@@VeggieMama722You can pump ahead of time. Just because you're nursing doesn't mean you HAVE to be there.

[@orchid623]

The story about the husband lying to his coworkers about his wife: when she confronted him, the gaslighting would have moved me to strike him in his face! Omg 🤬

[@MisterNightfish]

I cannot think of a single valid reason to pretend your wife is actually your sister. Let's hope OP develops some self-worth and stays away from her sorry excuse for a husband.

[@sharonbonebrake8332]

Shades of Abraham. He told the everyone that Sari was his sister. See how well that worked out.

[@marleymorningstar3671]

It's because he wants to appear single. Telling people your partner is only a family member is an old trick that cheaters use to keep up their relationship while exploring other options without looking like an AH to others. It's a double life.

[@invisigoth510]

Story two: OP: my relationship is wonderful & we communicate great Also OP: I’m afraid to ask my husband why he’s telling his coworkers I’m his sister I get being thrown off by this information but so much for great communication

[@iffykitten8742]

This girl wrote a whole paragraph telling us why she doesn’t have social anxiety and then proceeds to tell us all her symptoms of social anxiety. If you can’t visit your husband at work and give him a kiss because you are imagining all this coworkers looking on and laughing and that makes your head hurt and you can physically bring yourself to do it… yep, social anxiety.

[@ndawn90]

I know, that part gave me a little chuckle too. I understand being a bit in denial, but literally everything she describes sounds like she has pretty severe social anxiety. Plus the fact that her husband was so confident that he would get away with the lie about her being his sister for 3+ years tells me that he knows exactly how crippling OP's social anxiety is. He clearly knew that she would never randomly surprise him at work or reach out to his coworkers behind his back, he even gambled on them running into her and her not saying she's his wife in public (which is exactly what happened).

[@lina9535]

"He needs a break too." And what kind of "break" has OP gotten? I'm guessing little to none. His child should take priority over a "bro's trip". When Olivia is older, watch him refuse to let OP take a week long trip because it would be "unfair" somehow. Also, it's *his* kid, not his parents'.

[@lina9535]

Also like can people who have been wronged or had their feelings hurt stop with the "I didn't want to hurt their feelings" nonsense? Sometimes you have to, especially when you're having an honest talk/discussion. If their feelings get hurt, then so be it, you can deal with that later. Also, if this was such a worry of his, the second the pregnancy was confirmed he should have skipped his way to a therapist.

[@lina9535]

Lastly, since the baby is young, I'm gonna guess that he has parental leave to bond and help with the baby. And he would spend a week of that "baby time" with his bros? Yeah that's hella selfish.

[@lina9535]

But Markee... if he is willing to try and change, he kinda needa therapy. This is something in his mind. He was afraid of becoming like his dad, and what road was he headed down just 2 months in? That of his dads. People say that they'll change all the time, but when it becomes too hard, sadly it is a reality that they fall back into their old habits. Especially those who don't seek the professional help that they need. So the last comment wasn't unfair. It was a sad, possible, reality.

[@trippinggauntlet4520]

Op laid around in hospital, that's her break!🙄 /s

[@carolroberts4614]

That's why my ex never did anything with the baby, or for me. I laid around for three weeks in hospital! It was 10 days then,but baby was small.

[@Masenken]

Stop calling shit needs. They're not needs ffs. He WANTS to go a trip. He WANTS a break. It's not a need. There is no doctor prescribed recovery in the mix. The only thing he NEEDS is to step up as a father Update: got his head on straight

[@carolroberts4614]

Might need need more than one go at it though. Words are easy.

[@Masenken]

@@carolroberts4614 facts. Actions speak louder then words

[@Marstic666]

Op also trusted him when he said he’d be there after she gave birth. I think the criticism is valid. He didn’t come to this choice on his own, he only did it after OP hinted divorce.

[@AmareW]

divorce was pretty low tbh like it's not like he is taking a month off and he offered his parents to help he, but op said no I want you here he isn't the worst father in the world like ppl are making him out to be and he changed after he was called out 2

[@GeraldH-g8t]

Low? LOW??? Dude, having to remind a 32 yo ass man that his wife needs him after giving birth to his child is beyond low standards. He is a shit father and he is a shit husband. And for what? to go fishing? This isn't cutting the lawn, this is his recovering wife and his newborn. This is very very simple: If a man ain't reliable to take care of his wife when she needs him the most, if he cannot put his child over his friends, he ain't husband material.

[@linola644]

2:00 "he needs a break too" TOO ????? When does OP gets her break ???

[@morganleanderblake678]

No baby I wasn't cheating on you I just immediately gaslit you and played stupid because I didn't know what to say when you caught me lying! It's totally innocent!

[@rodolfoleon4538]

Story 2: he clearly cheated. He sends flirty texts to other women, he rehearsed how to act when he was originally caught(even op didn’t see any hint of shock or anything out of him) possibly to most likely attempt to make op feel crazy and to avoid suspicion, he’s trickle truthing op, and most likely he’s going to hide any and all evidence from now on thus making divorcing him much harder.

[@rodolfoleon4538]

I’m also suspecting that he is lying of him being spineless due to how well he did lie to his wife so easily he lied to her face. The real unfortunate part of this is that she had one chance to gather all the evidence without revealing herself and she blew it

[@kg5626]

Story#2: OP's husband is a child. He wanted to be included and folded to peer pressure as an adult. Confessing that he is a coward after LYING to her face is ridiculous. Plus locking himself in the bathroom after telling her not to talk so he could hide shoes the man is a baby. He needs therapy to learn that he should pick is wife over men that tease each other like teenagers. The worker who is left out probably is happy about his situation so not having to deal with the idiots.

[@redshirt49]

This is textbook SEVERE anxiety. The guy just shuts down the moment he gets uncomfortable and freezes up completely when stressed. Gonna need a lot of therapy to unpack just where that comes from, but this is conlfict-avoidant anxiety to a tee.

[@lina9535]

I'll be a cynic for a moment, regarding the husband in story 2. It's always interesting to me when people are like "my partner is so supportive, tells me they love me, etc etc" and then can't understand that someone they percieve as nice/kind can do weird and sometimes evil stuff. I mean... do people not get taught about that Bundy in school? He did horrible things, but everyone that knew him said that he was kind and sweet. Like part of OP's response to a comment: "But I know him so well I'm just finding it so hard to fathom he would even do something like this." Yeah, say that to Bundy's parents, who knew him better than she seems to know her husband. And they had no idea who he really was. Granted, I know this isn't a fair comparison. It's just always been interesting to me that some people seem... I don't know... unable(?) to even imagine things like this. I mean, as humans, we're all capable of doing pretty much everything. So imo it's not bad to just remember what we as humans are capable of doing.

[@lina9535]

And I get and know that we want to think the best of our partners and family. But it is just being realistic, which I also know isn't a fun thing to be.

[@lina9535]

And like... I don't like his excuses/reasons either. Why not just say "my girlfriend" instead of "my sister"? This dude is trash

[@hopelessromantic3786]

​​​​​@@lina9535Because he's clearly cheating or hoped he could. There's literally no other reason why he'd maintain this lie about being single for this long. His excuse is just that. An excuse. His coworker unintentionally gave him a heads up, and he realized he needed to cover his tracks/come up with a lie. It's CRAZY to me that OP is still going with the "he sounded so sincere" as if that wasn't the same way he was acting when she was in denial about him calling her his sister in the first place.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

I tell something strange now. I have a dog and my dog is cute,sweeet adorable. People think he is the greatest a nice big teddybeer.. but i know that my dog is a serial killer. Killed 20 cute bunnys in a forest in a span of 30 minits, mouse kills over 1000 and he is only 2years old. I always say because of this dog i understand serial killers they act sweet but oh boy when they get loose.

[@VidGirl88]

Story 2: the fact that Op's husband tried to gaslight her and denied SO hard...trust obliterated. Make his fantasy a reality and make that man single.

[@ForAtanDaOss]

last story: I would have him served at the office. Let him try to explain that away.

[@maureenfitzgerald3498]

I would quibble with one small detail: "He needs a break too" implies that she also *needs* one. Not that she's going to get it.

[@NinjaNanya]

"What do we call people who make promises and then act upset when they're asked to keep that promise?" Politicians! What do I get for being right?

[@Markee]

More taxes!

[@NinjaNanya]

@@Markee Wooo! Just what I wanted! Please accept my enthusiasm and don't sent the Gestapo after me!

[@heffa3821]

@@Markee LMFAO YOU ARE A TRIP i am dead!

[@heffa3821]

@@NinjaNanya 🤣🤣

[@Lillireify]

Story 1: why does OP feel the need to defend that she doesn't want to leave her baby for any amount of time? When my girl was 6 months I wouldn't let my baby out of my sight for more than 3 hours and 5 min car drive 😂 hell, she's almost 1 and I wouldn't leave her for 24hrs, let alone a week!

[@MsJulisa3]

Yeah it’s completely natural to feel that protective of your baby

[@leedavis-m2o]

I am trying to remember when my parents took time off. It never happened. That guy needs to suck it up, he decided that he wanted a kid, did what was necessary to accomplish that. So he needs to grow up.

[@Fangybite]

Yeah I have a single mom. She NEVER got a break because there was nobody to help give her one. That man needed a reality check.

[@crawdaddy2004]

Why would he even think it’s okay to plan a trip less than six months after the birth?

[@TheVeggiekat]

The husband in story 2 is a narcissist. He doesn’t care about losing her as much as he cares about his image and being able to frame the divorce as her over reacting. Also makes sense he works in finance. Wonder how many lies he’s told that have bankrupted people and stolen life savings.

[@KE-hr4sb]

S1: NTA. He should not have planned the trip knowing his child would still be in the heavily-dependent stage. My husband worked out of state after my second was born. His parents helped, and no. It's not the same as having your husband/the father help. We made it through because we had to. Jake's choosing to leave. S2: Yeah...there's only one reason to tell people your wife is your "sister": he either has an affair partner that he works with/is known around his office, or he's trying to. As you have confirmation from not one but TWO coworkers (so the other one wasn't just crazy or a creep), I'd confront him, sure, but I'd be prepping for a divorce. OMG. You do NOT have a healthy relationship! He's *lying and most likely cheating!* Being oblivious (through no fault of your own) does not mean it's "healthy." Yeah, I'm not sure I buy it (or that he's wearing his wedding ring). My husband gets hit on A LOT (he's hot, I don't blame them), and several have asked him if his wife would be OK lending him out. They notice things like that. Also, what was his long-term plan? These aren't people he's never going to see again. You can now never mix work friends and social friends. How could he immediately not realize that this was a lie he'd have to continue, forever, for as long as he worked there? Honestly, a hole that deep would be worth immediately finding a new job! Plus the whole, "OK yes the messages were flirty, but I've never had an affair, that was just office banter! I don't know why you're upset, everyone talks like that! And I'll come clean to the whole office, but only if you make me, I mean, want me to..." Bottom line though, he's been lying for at least two years (telling them you are his sister) lying by omission to you, and when confronted, chose to lie AGAIN. Yet, somehow, he expects you to be able to believe what he's saying now? Nope.

[@carlrood4457]

Sounds like husband is playing the Shaggy card, "It wasn't me."

[@maurer3d]

Story 1: NTA, your husband was a complete Ah for even making these plans, knowing he would have a 2 month old child at home. No parent should plan a several day long trip in the first 6 months of a child's life, unless it is a required trip for work that they can not get out of. Story 1 (edits): OP if you give him 3 days, he is magically going to have car trouble and not be back for the entire week. Story 1 (update): Good that he came around, but sad it took you breaking down for him to realize his AHery.

[@christinac2792]

I think everyone has had a moment when they’ve been needed to be called out. Those comments to the update were a bit extreme.

[@mynameismin3]

If his excuse was true, he could have said it right away. but it took him ages to come up with that lie of an excuse. because the truth is, he has been cheating on her the whole time. she needs to do divorce his ass and take him for all his worth.

[@jakemarie828]

I don't believe Josh. He spent hours coming up with this explanation while OP was at Sophie's

[@mariecherrytree]

I got a 1 month old at home. I can barely pry her from my husband's arms lol he wants to give her her bottle, change her, cuddle bug her 24/7.

[@morwennaf]

Story #2 - this is unforgivable. Absolute freaking nonsense. Just... no.

[@carlrood4457]

If it were a work trip and no one else could cover, OK. A guy's trip with a three month old? No.

[@denelva]

I'm not even gonna listen to the comments before answering 1 story, because husband was already the ahole for planning anything like that during the first 6 months in the first place. A day or two? Sure. But a week? That's just plain stupid. NTA, op, but your hubby is a major ahole for not even considering that YOU might need that break even more than him.

[@stillscrimmaging283]

As a man w a daughter, I can’t imagine CHOOSING to spend time away from my baby girl to go on an unnecessary trip w the boys. Especially w her as a newborn. I wouldn’t be able to relax being so far away. Smfh. Glad he at least came to his senses at the end.

[@BantheBans]

I would have replied to the teams message w pics of his "sister" and said, "I was lieing she's my wife"

[@Vida7354]

If he have to be blackmailed with his own promises he didn't grew to be an parent nor an partner, it's not him who was pregnant for 9 months and it's not him who was spending hours in labor and he is trying to gaslight his wife an mother of His child on every step Whenever sh is literally reminding him he have responsibilities, he thought that supporting his wife means just Sitting next to her on The couch , it seems like This poor woman is going to rise two kids instead of one

[@AnnieAnnieBuckwheatCakes]

Image your partner acting single at work (and bringing the chick-magnet doggy to the office) and acting like a loving husband at home. I'm wondering if OP's husband ever takes her out much. OP organically ran into 2 of hubby's co-workers, so I'm guessing no.

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

Communication and emotional openness wins the day!!! 💜💜💜

[@AvyFerg]

People need to stop telling mothers that it's unreasonable or wrong for them to feel like they can't let their babies out of their sights. We are animals. We might wear clothes and drive cars and build things but we are still animals and our instinct is very important. It's why we have survived to this day. And not for nothing if you have that man as a husband, would you really feel safe leaving your baby for a whole week?

[@ccsorn]

S1: He should not have made the promise if he wasn't going to abide by it. If he had been more involved, then OP would have been able to handle him being gone for a week. One person can handle a week alone with a 2 month old.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Maybe he's been too involved and that's why she can't. She sounds very clingy.

[@morganleanderblake678]

13:15 Gotta disagree with you, Markee. The man may have the best of intentions but if he was never taught how to be anything but avoidant it's going to be an uphill series of challenges for him to address, not just one day of realization. It's easy to think, "I'm going to change!" It's a lot harder to get up off your butt and do it day after day after day. It's way easier to sit in patterns that are thoroughly trod.

[@ammo19911]

Story 2: If only he was just cheating, this was way way worse, if he is telling the truth, thats actually worse than him "just" cheating.

[@reneenoriega4524]

I thought the same thing, this is the equivalent of that meme "damn, I prefer you to just call me a slur". I bet she would have preferred him to be cheating than... Whatever the fuck that was

[@gigga143]

S1: Disagree this guy will be a better father long term. He’s afraid OP is going to leave him so he sucked it up. The minute the get comfortable again he’ll be back to focusing on hanging out with his friends instead of being a good partner and father. Sorry but the redditor is right, he needs to want to be a better father and make real steps cause it comes from within, not because he’s afraid his wife will leave.

[@DeMarcoDansby]

It really seems like there is more cons of having a kid than pros.

[@tinamelton6491]

Yeah he's lying. And all them late nights out drinking with the guys he was probably screwing around

[@Violexie-wb7op]

The jedi level gad lighting in story 2 is insane.

[@jomc6734]

Story 1: when does OP get a break? She's grew an entire human inside of her for 9 months and is now basically responsible for the baby's care as she's breastfeeding so I'm guessing that OP is responsible for 99.9999% of the baby's care. What the hell was OP's husband thinking when he planned a trip away when their baby would only be a couple months old. When his friends started planning the trip, OP's husband should have said that he wouldn't be able to go because it was too soon after the baby was born. Story 2: If OP's husband is telling his coworkers that she is his SISTER, he's either cheating [or looking to cheat] with someone else at the office. As for how to broach the subject, she just needs to say 'I've met 2 of your coworkers, why do they think I'm your sister?' You don't accidentally mix up 'wife' and 'sister' in conversation when discussing someone. After the update: OP's husband had better go into the office on Monday and confess. I find it amazing that he said he'd confess 'if OP wanted him to'. Of freaking course, he'd be telling his coworkers the truth. Why would that only be a question? That is the first step in trying to regain OP's trust.

[@terramarini6880]

If it had been me, no confession would be needed, work friends would have been told immediately, Sister? He doesn't have a sister, I'm his effing wife. He would have found out the jig was up when they started busting his balls about it at work. But I'm petty that way.

[@kristenhlady4079]

2:44 I always hear this..and ITS STILL BULL CRAP. she needs a break just as much as him. How she go instead and you stay home? What? That's too hard? WHY THE F ARE YOU DOING IT TO YOUR WIFE ? it doesn't magically become easier because the female is doing it. I haven't had a break since before my kids were born, and no one cares, they are always trying to give my husband a "break" when I'm left doing all the parenting and housework, but I'm just sitting on my butt all day According to my husband and his family. My birth family is all in heaven (that's why they don't do anything)

[@msredux]

Op had to have a break down for the idiot husband to realize he was being a shitty husband and father, what a gem

[@MizMorgue1]

S1.ETA. (soft for OP) WHY was this trip even made?! Daddy needs a break just a couple months after baby is born?!! The trip was a bad idea, and daddy is being selfish. What exactly does he need a break from anyway?

[@dylanadavis2118]

Can you elaborate on how the op was at all an AH?

[@lindalehr1551]

In what universe is lying about the existence of your wife, a "bump in the road"? 🙄

[@ThatOneDeadMeme]

Good morning from Dallas Texas everybody ❤. Love you Markee!

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

I too am from Dallas.

[@addielewis6016]

Yay! Ready for some early morning tea

[@Yerblues000]

Josh is literally there hitting on women in Microsoft teams. 😂😂😂

[@colleens1107]

Story one: she should have said I GET A TRIP THEN TOO anyway. Explain ok you get this trip but next month IM going away to the spa and YOU will have to take care of the baby all by yourself….i won’t be there to help and unless our baby has to go to the emergency room, you don’t call and tell me you can’t do it. Now if this makes YOI nervous, why would you do that to me? It’s not about getting a trip, it’s about getting hubby to realize EXACTLY how hard it would be on OP for him to leave her alone

[@Oldtimeypistolero]

The only thing the mom in the first story did wrong was wait too long to tell him.

[@SCUBASUEReynard]

A week off with his wife and child . Daytime naps with baby close. Out for a walk with baby as mom takes a shower. A game of golf mid week. Maybe stop to visit mom and dad as your wife goes shopping. Hubble should be alone with the baby a couple hours a day. So bonding can happen,naturally .

[@anwarpine6797]

I let my husband go on a trip with his friends when our baby was about 4 months old. We also had a 5 yr old. Both kids and myself got sick while he was gone and my mom had to come every day to take care of us. It was hell. If she lets him go, he should let her leave for a week before his trip so he can see how it is but I doubt he would agree to that

[@stellamccoy5259]

When does OP get her break? She carried the baby for months. She breast feeds, so she is the one waking at all times at night. What exactly does he need a break from?

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Her

[@tictactoe325]

Far out! It’s only a week. Let him go

[@fred_derf]

Tell your wanna-be-dead-beat-dad of a husband that he can "get a break" when you can get a break. Until then, you're in this together!

[@nightmare_jeanie]

Honestly, OP's response should be something to the effect of "yeah, I guess this week will be great practice for being a single mom soon." Because that's exactly how I would take it. Edited to add: my comment was before the update. While I'm glad OP and her husband had the tough conversation, and it's wonderful that her husband saw that the trip was the first step to becoming his father, I really hope that they are both willing to do the work needed. They should probably go to couples therapy to learn communication techniques that way they have a better chance of going strong and not flopping.

[@christinac2792]

therapy isn't the end all to be all.

[@nightmare_jeanie]

@@christinac2792 while that's true, it is one of the best ways to learn communication techniques that have been proven effective. Learning better ways to communicate with a partner/spouse can make all the difference for most relationships.

[@YuToobVideos]

I'm getting use to you pronouncing the word "Here" as "Hee Ahh"😂😂

[@SCUBASUEReynard]

I know how to broach the subject… honey why are your work friends making passes at me? I couldn’t loose so and so the other night. You would think they don’t know I’m a married woman! I think that he may be making a play for some woman at work!

[@zeevanatashazazhinne3136]

Story 1: Glad he is making the right decision. Clear communication matters. Hopefully both of you have learned to be honest about things and not keep them to yourselves. I agree it's a good first step however Jake and you could do with a little couples counseling to work out 'new parenting' and Jake should get involved in a 'baby and daddy' program so he can meet other young dad's. Story 2: How is he going to pretend to be stupid after 3 years of lying? Easy. He's gotten away with it for THREE. WHOLE. YEARS. And no way was he wearing his wedding ring at work. He'll confess 'if you want him to?' And quit that job with all the 'fxckboy' co-workers? You are correct. If he can lie about something so big for so long, what else can he lie about? Could he get peer-pressured into sleeping with the hot new girl at work who's flirting with him? Lawyer up OP. You'd be a fool to trust him again.

[@Dan1ell]

The wife-sister of the finance guy needs to watch out she doesn’t wind up like Chris Watts’ wife.

[@mellogerman]

Too early to read comments, damn

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Story 2: Man, OP's lucky he's not married to me, because I would have leaned into that "sister" thing hard. I would've been dropping off his lunch every day and flirting with every male coworker he had. After all, we're siblings! Since when do siblings get all bent out of shape about their sis/bro having a sex life? Lay off the anime big bro....

[@Psychic_nura]

When does mommy get a week long break ? Curious....never is probably the answer

[@josephmbimbi]

Story 1: The fact that she had to be crying and basically threatening to leave to be heard, i have have a very hard time to get past that. The relationship would take a big hit, and my partner would have to fully own his mistakes, then work hard and for a long time. And I doubt he would do any of it. Story 2: I am 100% sure the guy is lying. If he wasn't, the fact that he didn't come clean on his own, then tried to deny when confronted, would be a deal breaker. That shows so little integrity, and it shows how he handles this kind of situation: hide, deny and lie. Who wants to build a serious relationship with that kind of person.

[@SCUBASUEReynard]

Is the husband not being authentic about his life because there is some unmarried men work better and are hungrier ! But married men have a vested interest in making money to support their family and future plans… and why is he drinking until 2 am? With the guys at work!

[@fred_derf]

Jake is abandoning you when you need him and you're worried about hurting his wittle fee-fees? Lady, get your priorities straight.

[@SCUBASUEReynard]

May be the guys at work know you are married. And have been pushing his buttons. To see how long he will keep up the ruse. There is no way he wears a wedding ring at work. Unless the dudes believe he is closeted gay. And they may. How many grown men hang with their sister! If the guys are smart they may have always known.

[@beckf1858]

Story 2: If I were the OP, I would go to Josh with the names and numbers for a marriage counselor and a divorce attorney. If he fesses up to his co-workers, calling the marriage counselor. If he doesn't, calling the divorce attorney. This puts the decision back on Josh. What's more important to him, his marriage or his job? And I really hope the OP gets therapy for herself, regardless of whether she stays married or not. This was a huge breach in trust, and that can do some pretty serious damage to one's mental health. So glad she has a ride-or-die friends to support her.

[@jjazure100]

G’day g’there g’guys

[@irmahewitt5104]

No where. The hell you going. Unless your going to your job no first born be damn like it gets easy with more kids

[@michealwatts7469]

I'm gonna say this... Ladies go through a struggle when it comes to being pregnant. 9 months of carrying a baby can be variant from anecdotal stories I have heard but nonetheless difficult. While you may think a husband doesn't go through anything.. I think that is a bit of a stretch. While she is going through carrying a baby, he is going through helping you, supporting you and trying his best to make sure you're comfortable because he is Supposed to but even if he is supposed to that is still mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. A friend of mine got grey hair trying to ensure his wife was 100% ok with the stress of keeping her comfortable day and night and working 55+ hours a week. No this isn't a contest either... not saying he suffers more or whatever crap just saying if the guy is there and he does his part then he is also in the struggle. THAT being said: I am up in the air about whether a person should take a planned trip or not. As long as mom got some type of vacation too to even it out. But that might not be in the cards considering she may have PPD or is breastfeeding. I think if you had a trip planned, your best bet is to get together with your mates and reschedule it to a date both you and her are comfortable with.

[@ingegerdandersson6963]

Yes most men help during the pregnansy. But to expect the woman to do everything after the birth because he is tired after helping her during the pregnancy…

[@YellaBellaReno]

Little bitty babies just stop breathing sometimes in their sleep. You have to check, check, check on them all the time. If it’s just you, and the baby needs to be checked on pretty much constantly, when do you sleep? _How_ do you sleep with that fear, and how do you avoid the guilt when you eventually nod off on accident? It would be kind of hard, yeah? No one should be alone with a newborn for an entire day at a time, let alone a week; no one. Those first 4 months require all hands on deck. Sure, grandparents can help, but they shouldn’t need to unless the parents _can’t_ help; not simply because they want a week with the boys. Also, you know…. It’s a very vulnerable, hyper sensitive, incredibly emotional time to be a mother, and dealing with in-laws can add to the stress, even when they’re good ones. I hear what you are saying about how taking care of new borns and their mother isn’t easy on a man either, but I don’t think anyone was saying it wasn’t. It _is_ hard for men; that’s why paid paternity leave is just as important as maternity leave, and why all families need it. The fact that it isn’t mandatory in the US contributes to our high infant mortality rate, and our falling birth rate. It also slows the development of the child, believe it or not. No new father should be working 55+ hours a week, even from home. The difference between being the father and the mother is that the father didn’t just go through one of the most traumatic things a body can go through (pregnancy and then labor), and isn’t experiencing the same level of hormonal assault that the mother is. It’s a whole ‘nother level of exhaustion that men literally cannot relate to, and that’s understandable. I would honestly kick my own partner in the butt if he was trying to take one of his new father friends on a week-long boy’s trip in the first year, let alone the first two months. There are other ways to support and lift up your friends when they are new parents.

[@michealwatts7469]

@@ingegerdandersson6963 yeah I didnt say that… and this guy understood finally and changed it up also he did suggest her parents as a possible compromise. It doesnt sound to me like he was trying to be a dick or anything. But it ended well

[@michealwatts7469]

@@YellaBellaReno the first comment mentioned in the post and the comments on here “shes busts her ass and he needs a break?!?!” Something to that effect. That is what I was mainly responding to. Again Im not saying she didnt go through some major shit I already mentioned that. Im just saying she isnt the only one and it may not be on the same level but it is difficult. I was never trying to compare. As far as my friend and his wife… well it is what it is.. we dont have that paid leave here. Rough situation and a lot of hard work. While it shouldnt happen.. saying that doesnt really help the reality

[@YellaBellaReno]

@@michealwatts7469 not sure how you change the reality of something that shouldn’t be happening to something that works if you never *say* that it shouldn’t be happening. How do institute a change like mandatory maternity and paternity leave if you never *say* that not having it is bad? While I understand the compulsion to point out that the other party has it hard too, it’s kind of annoying when no one was directly saying, “only mothers have it hard” or “fathers don’t deserve sympathy.” You can think it (there’s nothing wrong with thinking it), but when you choose to add it to the conversation, it’s an entirely different thing. If this were a formal debate, it would a logical fallacy…. A what-about-ism. Not to mention that it doesn’t breed a lot of sympathy. Like, if I’m talking about how messed up it is that someone burnt down my house, and you pipe in with a “well, firefighters die all the time,” I’m not exactly inclined to hear you out, ya dig? I guess if you need something actionable out of this exchange, I’d say this: your entire original comment would read differently if you switched the first paragraph with the second. Start with the empathizing, THEN go on to address the other side. 😊

[@JasperCatProductions]

Story one I would tell him sure he can go but first he needs to help you plan your week away once he gets back…..that you will pump and he can be it for a week alone……. That’s the only way I’d be cool with it. If she just can’t stand the thought of leaving the baby well sucks to be her. Let him go… you will survive

[@terramarini6880]

Not all women respond well to pumping (I didn't, body would not let down for a machine). If she could pump that much, she would have to continue pumping every couple hours on "her break" in order to maintain lactation levels, and find a way to store it in a freezer. Does that sound like a fun or relaxing time to you?

[@persephoneszeliga]

The proper grammar is “between you and me”. It’s always between you and me. I don’t want to be a stinker, but I see although the post was written correctly, you narrated it incorrectly. I realize posts are written grammatically incorrect very often and I don’t mind them being narrated as they are written. But to verbally change something that is correct to something incorrect is unfortunate. I would want to know the proper way and that is why I am commenting. Just thought you’d want to know.🙂

[@srkh8966]

Thank you. Now if we could just get people to use “less” and “fewer” correctly

[@persephoneszeliga]

@@srkh8966 good luck with that😐

[@Aetriex]

Idk. I have a 2 month old too and my husband had to go to work for a week far away at 5 weeks and then again at 8 weeks. You get used to taking care of them on your own.

[@itsjustmaddisen]

You're comparing your husband going to work and OP's going on a dude bro trip as a break. Not the same in the slightest 😂

[@whispermcgaughy7251]

Is there not enough reddit stories out there..? Another reupload 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@zeristal]

Okay for story 2 i work IT for a finance sector business DO NOT TAKE SCREENSHITS OF THEIR COMPANY COMMUNICATION. Even if its unrelated its under corporate protections which can be criminal charges in some cases. Anything personal is fair game but if he is fully evil then he could have used that to send her to jail. Snooping is one thing but be smart and dont end up in jail.

[@hi_shay]

i love when redditors decide that a man they've never met doesn't have insecurities actually & his admittedly poor coping mechanisms are just him being a terrible person on purpose & when he says he made a mistake & he sees that now & wants to do the work to make himself better then IMMEDIATELY acts on that, that's all a lie & he's only saying it so he can continue being horrible (on purpose!), i NEED some of that xan these mfs are on

[@hi_shay]

like did he fuck up? absolutely. did it take him too long to realize that? yeah, i'd say so. did that sound like a genuine admission of fault on his end? yeah, i'd say so! none of us are perfect, we are going to make considerable mistakes, & all we can do once we make them is own up to it & do everything we can to make it right. he sounds like he's on the right track now

[@jake8748]

S1 - firstly he is a D Head for planning that trip at all. Im at a loss how not one of his friends or him didn't go, this is too close to the birth. But OP also needs help. She should not be so reliant on her partners support she can't be without it for a single week when there is family support around. That just sounds far too codependent on him. Every partner of military members, miners, truck drivers and many others often need to go through all of this without their partner beside them every day. Yes it's hard but it builds independence. Ideally your partner would be beside you every step but being able to cope without is an amazing skill to master. But if he was going away, he should be doing 90% of the house and baby care for the week before and after so OP is also well rested and relaxed (seeing as she doesn't want a trip herself at the moment). Sounds to me like the real issue was just he wasn't doing an equal share so overwhelming her physically and mentally, thus she became overly dependent on him emotionally for support. So yes the trip was a stupid idea for their situations, but the fact its only 1 week shouldn't also be issue and should be easily handled either way. And that last comment. You are 100% right Markee. Not every problem needs a therapist to get past, and the wrong therapist could make it worse also. If he starts acting better he doesn't need it, or could seek it later to just be better. Id be hesitant to get it now before he tries to sort it himself. The correct time was before the baby came though. Now, to me the risk of going backwards would be too high if they have a situation that is at least working.

[@hagnat]

plot twist... OP was always the sister, she was always the sister. She just pictured herself as her brother's wife. Dun Dun DUUUUMB XD

[@carolroberts4614]

Have you been watching Eastenders?

[@hagnat]

lol, no... did i somehow manage to copy one of the plotlines of it ?

[@carolroberts4614]

Haven't seen it for over 20 years, but I wouldn't be surprised!

[@kiraalexandraruizburgos1236]

🦐

[@lina9535]

How am I this early! 😮

[@rainbowunicorn709]

Story #1: Of course having his parents help isn't good enough. Can't have alternative solutions getting in the way of ripping his trip away from him as a power play. "Oh, you've been looking forward to that for months? Too bad you're not going." The sobbing woke him up? Translation: she was intentionally wailing so loudly people heard it a block away. Can't sleep next to a chainsaw, can you? She intentionally weaponized (and will continue to do so) his insecurities related to his father to make him question his own parenting. Since these techniques worked and he acquiesced, it will never end. Every time he has plans, there will be an "emergency" or conveniently inconvenient "accident" of some type.

[@silent_day]

I 100% agree with Markee about the dad in the first story. I feel like Reddit commenters are too black and white. It’s like they don’t think people can change or better themselves. I mean, if the OP comes back and says he didn’t improve, that would be one thing, but they’re villainizing him even after he did the right thing

[@guntgunderson2829]

When he has a baby, he has to step up that nature that’s how life works. I’ve been through this. The difference here is that when I had issues with my wife in a similar way, they didn’t have anything to do with me wanting to go jack off in the mountains for a week, my issues were with, her and the child actively getting in the way of the mission I have on this planet before I ever her, it’s very important for young men to establish what their purpose is on this planet before they start having children otherwise they lose that opportunity to crystallize their destiny and their own mind and then these kinds of issues happen. There is a balancing act here where neither of the parents are actually allowed to complain about having a child, it’s the greatest gift ever and stressful, and it’s tiring we all know that. At the same time, each parent must be honoured in the fact that they are still a person, who has to be allowed to have their own time as well. The point here is simply that this man needed to make the proper decision. He wanted to go on a boys trip, but he also wanted to impregnate his wife. Well, you can’t have both buddy, and if he didn’t mean to impregnate his wife, then he has to accept that he had sex and impregnated his wife. At the same time she needs to accept that as the mother she is the primary caregiver of this child. It’s not actually his job to take care of the child. It’s his job to support her to take care of the child. That’s how biology and nature works, when men are expected to sit at home and be stay at home dad we explode on the inside and then everything crumbles. when women are expected to go out there and work and provide, they explode on the inside because that’s not what they’re meant for. Women can work and have a career, their primary function is to ensure that the children have stability, that allows the men to go out and provide to ensure that the family has stability. when we mess with this structure, everything collapses. It doesn’t matter how much feminism you or egalitarianism you throw at it, 2+2 = 4, not five, The social order is out of balance and we’re seeing the results stress on all of these women that can’t handle that kind of stress they’re not built for that kind of thing. Men are built to handle stress. At the end of the day, we’re all individuals and we all do whatever we want to do anyway, it’s all about accepting your place in the world who you are as either a man or a woman, and choosing to actually do what you’re supposed to do in a biological sense Then can you truly be free. Women suffer because they want to pretend to be like men when they actually just want to be women. Men go work build things get stressed fight. Women want to talk have babies communicate bond. Yes some women want to work, guess what you can do that too, when you rejectnature, nature fails you and it won’t stop until you accept it again that’s the key

[@S.U1399]

Ayeee

[@chelseasaunders212]

I'm early for once!

[@iaccidentallygavenarutolig1281]

i agree that after the update, the redditors were being a bit too harsh. i 100% understand why everyone is frustrated including the mother. because that boys trip couldve lead to more continuous times that the husband goes away. but then i also sympathize with the father because of his own trauma about his father. all we can hope for is the best.

[@lina9535]

Tbf, he knew he had trauma. He told her about it. But... why didn't he DO anything when the pregnancy was confirmed? He could have had like 8 months of therapy to deal with said trauma.

[@Vida7354]

​@@lina9535he thought bro trips will fix the issue which is immature

[@christinac2792]

I agree. Reddit seems to think that every mistake is a leaving point for the wronged partner… I often wonder if they have any one left in their lives.

[@YellaBellaReno]

@@christinac2792 I don’t think most people feel this way because something similar happened to them and they decided to break it off; I think most people feel this way because something similar happened to them and they decided to _stay._ It’s bitterness for staying with the wrong people more than entitlement for finding the perfect person. Considering that a lot of people read these things as a way of coming to terms with their own trauma, I’d say it makes _a lot_ of sense that so many are so skeptical, even when the resolution seems fair…. because at one point, _they_ were the ones telling family/coworkers/friends that things were “all good now” when they were actually anything but. Does that make sense? 😅

[@christineharvey2144]

Poor dude just wanted a trip away to deal with his mental help. Its the wife's fault if he kills him self or they get divorced.

[@plazmapple6326]

So weird to call a strangers partner "a huge gapeing asshole." Why should OP trust advice from somone that unhinged?

[@miminana-hd6nf]

OMG, give me a break. I want to hear Jake's side of the story. He wanted to go away for a week, A WEEK. He was not proposing to be away all the time. Also, the baby will be 3 months old by the time the trip comes up, that is not the "newborn" phase. Is Jake working? Is he out of the house all day? There is no way this marriage is going to work if OP is going to be so needy, and clingy, all the time. What will it be the next year when the baby is over a year old? Oh, the baby is now walking and is in the toddler stage so OP needs him there to handle that because she can't handle it. Oh, before anyone comes at me, I have raised 4 children. My husband went back to work a week after each birth. He was very hands on when he was home but I never demanded that he be there 24/7. Yes, there were times that were stressful, and he was there to help, but there were times that I recognized that he needed down time too. It is a two way street.

[@iceangel140]

Right!!! The comments had me so confused.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Exactly. She sounds like the one he needs the vacation from.

[@daisymay6505]

I have to agree, the comments are confusing me, why is he being bashed for needing a break, babies are hard everyone needs a break sometimes, he should be allowed on the trip and then after she can take a week break too, everyone wins doing that and the baby would get a bit of 1 on 1 bonding too

[@visitswflorida]

Olivia is 8 weeks maternity leave is 6 weeks. Just saying life goes on

[@hilaryc3203]

A whole week alone with a 2 month old? Oh perish the thought. It's not hard. My ex had to go work out of town when my daughter was around that old, and it was fine. That op needs to grow up and stop being such a whiny needy child. He wanted one week and she asked him if that was what life would be like, her left with the daughter and him away. Good grief. How dramatic. She really guilted him. The commenters demonizing the husband is absurd. It's one baby, not a house full of kids.