My Millionaire Husband Makes Me Pay For Everything Due To His Past Trauma r/Relationships

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Gotta love that OP had to block the ex because he was demanding rent for the time she lived in the Palace of Sadness. So much for "Therapy" and "working on himself"

[@samantharoggelin1467]

To be fair, it sounds like he only went for a couple of months. From the sounds of it, it’s going to take YEARS of therapy in order for him to be somewhat normal again because his ex definitely took part of his soul and spirit away to a point that it sounded like he just didn’t care anymore.

[@maniaclaugh]

He only went to '''''win''''' OP back. When she failed to tearfully rush back into his miserly arms he stopped because in his mind there's noth8ng wrong with him.

[@khaleesireyna731]

​@maniaclaugh EXACTLY. From the moment he made all these grand lists of stuff he'd do for her AFTER she already checked out, you just know that he was just grandstanding to "win" her back. None of it was ever going to stick because he'd heard already heard what she needed numerous times, he just didn't care until it affected his status quo.

[@devegas4910]

Final update: the fact that OP’s ex and his sister were mad that she didn’t get back with him shows that she made the right decision. She made the right decision for herself regardless though. She spent 3 years feeling like she had to prove herself to a man who was so wrapped up in the trauma for his exwife that he took it out on op. He needs to reflect on the fact that his actions why op was the one that got away. He can’t be upset with anyone but himself over that. B

[@jestersreign7530]

It's the fact that the sisters mad like she didn't know what her brother put this woman through. She's obviously one of those but you should forgive him cuz he's trying people

[@Solkard]

I considered that maybe the guy was just so broken and was trying to get better, until the part where he brought up making her pay rent from when they were together. That really just pulled the mask right off.

[@DrownedInExile]

OP needs to get over her people-pleasing nature, and perma-block her ex and his family. That sordid chapter of her life is closed, forever.

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

Fr. The fact that he asked for rent money in the end shows he didn't learn anything.

[@TheEDFLegacy]

​@@Solkard Yeah, absolutely. I was really hoping he was simply damaged and wasn't seeing things clearly, but it seems there's a lot more involved. I would have given hin the second chance... right up until that. Now he's lost her forever.

[@AndyyWithAY]

So she financed his life for 3 years then when she finally chooses herself and bounces after he treated her worse than the residue between someone's nasty feet on a hot summer day, he has the nerve to want back rent? Boy bye!

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yeah, he clearly hasn't changed. At this point, I can't blame the gold digger ex anymore. It's all on him now.

[@IzzyPR2010]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly OP should have told the guy's sister about that so she could pass it along to the rest of the family. It might also make her a little less judgemental when OP finds a new guy.

[@TheodoreBotman]

@@IzzyPR2010 These stories are always the same, they never say the truth to people so the abuser can gaslight against them and downplay things.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

I’m flabbergasted she stayed with a millionaire who mooched off of her for 3 YEARS! After the first year of freezing to death when he could afford to heat his house, I would have just moved out instead of investing more of my hard earned money. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis all over. There’s no way I could have taken it! But the most insensitive thing he did was to make his proposal, to the woman who has always put him first, as cheap as possible. I would be afraid to wear a ring worth $10k, but he bought her a $100 “crystal” ring. He didn’t even think she was worth a diamond! The ex got a cruise and OP got a picnic. Now, I like picnics but come on! He didn’t value her at all and she wasted 3 years of her life she can’t get back.

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

@@stirrednotshaken4823 how is staying at his place rent and utility free financing his life exactly? She spent the money she would have spent to feed herself anyway and she got paid back for the lux couch she bought instead of the ikea she said she wanted. OP not credible

[@TopazFire15]

OP said something in the update that really stuck out: why didn’t he change when she was sick from her autoimmune disease and crying to him? Why didn’t he change until he got his heart broken by her leaving? Because he’s truly selfish, his only motivation is his own happiness, not the happiness or sorrow of his partner. That’s not someone who will work to become better, he lacks the empathy for it.

[@wmdkitty]

Because HE was always the abusive one.

[@Kris-wo4pj]

millionaries dont care for others and dont know what empathy or sympathy is cuz they have to kill those feelings in order to destory others to make their money. so makes sense why hes so selfish and abusive.

[@AIBot929]

He only changed because she left not to truly change. He only wanted to punish her for the mistakes of his ex. His motivation wasn't his own happiness but revenge on the female gender

[@paulastiles5507]

Story #1: For a guy who was whining about his ex being a golddigger, he sure was digging OP's gold. Glad she dumped his miserly ass.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Same here. I felt bad for him when OP brought up his gold digger ex, but after he used OP the same way she used him, I lost all my sympathy for him. 😒

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

you got it totally wrong...those were tests and she FAILED miserably. She showed she was about money and lifestyle and not him. Now she still has to pay 100% of her bills and has no man who can obviously take care of business if push came to shove.

[@Couragethecowardly-hog]

​@@davenunyabusiness4893is this satire?

[@d53380]

@@davenunyabusiness4893get help.

[@LovesGaming37]

​@@Couragethecowardly-hoghe's MGTOW

[@PaladinGear15]

"He sent a large amount of money to my account after this" DUDE! Way to make it clear you still think she's only after your money...

[@Nathan_Bookwurm]

And then demand rent in the end for the time she lived in an empty paid off house of sadness that gave her health problems 😂🤦

[@Kris-wo4pj]

@@Nathan_Bookwurm thats when ya say okay I'll pay but ya have to pay me for all the stuff i bought for your house. bet ya she spent more than rent as his shit manison costs.

[@gremlininblue2601]

​@Nathan_Bookwurm a house she also paid for everything for

[@piratsnygg]

Being so afraid of gold diggers, you become one yourself.

[@kori6706]

Sounds like this man just never went to therapy and made it everyone else’s problem..it’s sad honestly

[@Thumper68]

Men don’t go to therapy. They man up.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Agree. And until he actually goes to therapy and gets over the pain his ex caused him, he's in for a very miserable life.

[@elizabethescalante8114]

​@@PrincessQ-fj9ly Hell, with how abusive he actually is, me thinks the ex possibly wasn't the so-called "gold digger" villain he made her out to be and probably treated her the way he treated OP, maybe even worse! I mean, he's a financial abuser, can we really believe he's a reliable narrator?!

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

@@elizabethescalante8114 You might be onto something there. A lot of abusers tend to paint their exes/former victims as the villains.

[@ChaoticNalilitoMC]

@@PrincessQ-fj9ly possibly but the other family members did confirm some of the shit the ex did so while there might be some truth to the stuff she did, how are we to know he didn't make it sound worse?

[@Jesse_E5150]

She calls it the "Palace of Sadness" 😂😂😂 What a fitting name. She needs to go find her happiness and let him stew in his own misery.

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

awwwww she thought she had a golden goose...she can't even show loyalty but wants the money. On top of that she thinks an abuser got "treated" . What is wrong with women like this? She failed ALL the tests.

[@diamcole]

@@davenunyabusiness4893If you feel the need to constantly test your partners, especially those that have never done anything to you, the only relationship you need to have for awhile is with a therapist.

[@blameekatoneikosipente482]

@@davenunyabusiness4893 Pfff, more like she dodged a bullet. There is a difference between him not paying for her and NEVER paying for anything, when money is not the issue. He is a wreck and shouldnt be looking for a relationship, but a therapist.

[@cniknik9863]

​@davenunyabusiness4893 you don't test your partner. Just stay single if you don't trust anyone. (Edit: also they were together for 3yrs, if he didn't know who she was at that point, they had no reason getting married anyway)

[@patty-pat-pat]

@@davenunyabusiness4893 Go write Kevin Samuels a loveletter Dave

[@oakenshadow6763]

"Letting me be." NO. He turned down the thermostat despight knowing it caused harm to your well being and comfort by triggering a medical problem. He didn't let it happen, he DID IT. He took actions to cause OP to be unhappy. He is still not taking accountability. 19:00

[@redonyx5428]

He wanted to punish his ex, to make her feel the way she made him feel but he wasnt able to do that so he transfered all that hatred onto OP instead. Im glad she left him and being single isnt anything bad or mean loneliness. I hope the ex is really in therapy but i kinda doubt he'll change.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

You'd be right. In the most recent update, the entitled cheapskate actually demanded that OP pays him back for the time she lived with him. This cements the fact that he hasn't changed and probably never will change. 😒

[@redonyx5428]

the audacity lol.

[@JamesRichardson3rd]

That b***h lived rent free in a mansion for how long? Then has the audacity to get pissed that she had to buy some furniture and curtains? Then talks about being a stay at home mom? This is why men should not get married in this day and age.

[@khaleesireyna731]

I was so happy when she mentioned being "the crazy dog lady" because literally that is me and ngl, that's how you find a good partner. By just being yourself and living your life (also, doggos are great judges of character!).

[@BgChf-dg5lv]

I was all for keeping the door open but when I heard he demanded rent from her time FURNISHING HIS HOME? Uh uh.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

When OP commented that she realised she had wanted to "fix him" and that "his family said I was the one," and then when the sister became colder later... yeah sounds like instead of encouraging him to get help, the family wanted her to be responsible for "fixing him" too.

[@maurer3d]

Story 1 (before updates): NTA, your "fiancee" is not "frugal" he is a miser. He refuses to spend any money even if it hurts him (aka, not furnishing his house). On top of that he is financially abusing you making you pay for everything, and accusing you of being a gold-digger for wanting the house to be properly furnished. He isn't ready to be dating let alone engaged, and needs intensive therapy.

[@lily-zg6io]

Yes! Financially using someone who you know makes significantly less to fund your lifestyle by claiming it's because of trauma is abusive. It's like if you constantly bereate your partner when they talk to someone of the opposite sex and always accuse them of cheating because you're traumatised from being cheated on before. Past trauma is not a justification or a get out of jail card for abusive behaviour

[@Solkard]

The only YTA part is how she ended up with and stayed with him for 3 years, then agreed to become his fiancé.

[@nataliereeves3594]

He probably got to be a millionaire by taking from others and keeping all the money he earned for himself.

[@starlingswallow]

Ditto

[@francinetitherington4060]

That's what I thought only a couple of minutes into the story.

[@jenniferrichards2122]

Wow. Wanted back rent? Absolutely glad OP moved on and found someone. Glad to see an update on this one. And the sister now being cold towards her? That is a messed up family.

[@ohboy-zi1yf]

the offer of couples therapy in s1 made me cringe, i hate reddits obsession with therapy...NEVER EVER go to therapy with an emotionally abusive partner like ops ex fiance. they will only learn how to abuse you further and make it your fault with therapy speak.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

I think Reddit suggesting therapy is a good thing. It helps the abused victims unpack the trauma and stress they had from the abusive/toxic relationship. That being said, you are right. There's no point in going to therapy with an abuser. They'll either refuse to go because they don't believe that they're the problem. Or worse they will go, but try to either turn the therapist against you or learn to abuse you better.

[@louisejohnson6057]

The couple's therapy was suggested not on its own, but with the caveat that he attended individual therapy sessions as well.

[@madalice5134]

I think it gets suggested constantly because people are somewhat overcorrecting because therapy and mental health awareness was so taboo to talk about or seek in the recent padt, and still is taboo in a lot of places. You're right that it's a bad idea to go to therapy with an abusive partner. Someone who's manipulative or narcissistic will just pick up new techniques in therapy. I've experienced the consequences of people believing a family member who's a diagnosed narcissist should be given all the chances in the world because he went to court ordered therapy. 🙄

[@invisible123-l9d]

This Is American. In America, they call a therapist, not a plumber, when a pipe bursts, and call a therapist, not a garage, when a car breaks down, or a therapist, not an electrician, when lights fail.

[@mygoodtimeboy]

@@invisible123-l9d boomer ass comment

[@hothotheat3000]

If you feel relieved after a breakup, that’s a big sign that you did the right thing.

[@pds8475]

A lot of abusers don't realise they can be abusive without hitting someone. In their minds the only form of abuse is physical abuse.

[@spaceunicorn6000]

"Even if he changes now, why couldn't he do that when I got sick? When I was sad and told him I was unhappy? Why can he only change when HE is in pain because I left? That says it all." --Nail on the head. Do not go back to someone who could ever put you through this. The level of this lack of empathy for someone you claim to love, is dangerous.

[@AnonymousBelle562]

Unfortunately the guy the woman is with in the first story reminds me of an ex of mine, with a somewhat similar situation. I’m broke and I’m on disability, he was better off than me financially. He was so cheap that on date nights he offered to just watch me eat my dinner, and manipulated me into buying him dinner out of guilt. I eventually went into credit card debt due to this, and other similar incidents of financial, emotional, and verbal abuse. Things finally came to an end, a month before our wedding. He manipulated me, and my family pay for everything, only to demand changes he refused to pay for. He thought his ultimatums would work, and they worked….by causing me to wake up, and being happy to finally get away from him. 😊

[@teragram38crows49]

I hope you're doing better now and are as happy and content as you deserve.

[@thecrowuknow]

5:08 "it is weird to see how cheap being rich really is" that is such a sad but true statement.

[@yozarahirvi4750]

yeah, when I realized how being poor was pricy I was astonished. But in realty, it's more being rich that is cheap than being poor that is pricy. Terry pratchet explained a bit of it in his *Boots' theory of socioeconomic unfairness* (from the novel "Men at Arms") and I like this explanation so much I'll post it here. [The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. ... A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. ... But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while a poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet.]

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

it's amazing how much money you can save by not living above your means

[@thecrowuknow]

​@@davenunyabusiness4893 It's not just about that, it's like the other commenter said and also the "poor tax" that gets applied to so much stuff that makes life hard for people who are struggling.

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

@@thecrowuknow you can make your life as a poor person expensive or your can make it cheap. Personal Experience. Problem is most people who are poor make bad spending decisions because they have poor impulse control. As a for instance this manifests itself with having a really dope car you financed at a unbelievably high interest rate so you live in a rundown apt in a bad part of town and you are barely getting by. Now are you barely getting by because you aren't making enough money or because you made bad spending decisions?

[@rahulmodi8706]

@@davenunyabusiness4893 Being rich means you’re able to buy expensive cars and electric goods that don’t break down and don’t need to get repaired. Over a 10+ year period you save money.

[@justaperson4656]

I remember this story! The last update I saw was her moving out and him making a bunch of promises, and the comments telling her to absolutely not go back because he wouldn't have truly changed in such a short time. I'm happy she got her own place and her own puppy

[@hothotheat3000]

This idiot shoved away a good woman who didn’t want a dime. Transferring the money back to him after the breakup was such a boss move. He wanted an excuse to say that OP really was after the money, but now he’s got nothing to hold against her. NOTHING. And now the next woman he meets likely WILL be in it for the money and clean him out in a divorce. He will regret this breakup for the rest of his life, I can promise you that.

[@DrownedInExile]

Don't give OP too much credit. She was a jerk to herself. This meatbag of a fiance notwithstanding, people-pleasing doormats inevitably bring down other people in their lives.

[@thebladeofchaos]

The thing that gets me with this story is that the first part doesn't mention her illness at all. she tried to protect him.....at her own expense to her health

[@AndyyWithAY]

I was on the last sip and realized I'd never added the coffee too my mug of hot water 😵‍💫🤣 It's that kind've day

[@PawsandRec]

Cap

[@3ch0h3art4]

Oh no. I hope your day gets better

[@Diet_Mini]

Oh no!!

[@SherriLyle80s]

That's weird. You don't brew your coffee?

[@AndyyWithAY]

@@SherriLyle80s There's a world of coffee out there like there's a world of people. You need to get out more

[@MrsWheezer]

If your relationship brings you fear, then get out. It doesn’t matter if there is previous trauma, do NOT tie yourself down in a fearful relationship.

[@sophdog2564]

The real sad ending is that OP didn't post the puppy 😭

[@joeschmo622]

I get that The Opie doesn't want to feel "obligated" in any way to The Cheapskate, but I wouldn't've returned so much as a penny. Consider it reimbursement for all those "date nights" and everything else she spent on him. Replenish those savings!

[@rebajoe]

It might've been a trap though, Op keeps the money and in his mind it'll just prove him right.

[@joeschmo622]

@@rebajoe He can think what he wants, and who cares? She should itemise every outing, vacation, household item she bought, etc., that she spent, and show that what he sent didn't even cover all of that.

[@jimstam6137]

​@@rebajoewho cares if he thinks he is right?

[@renatatarnawski5974]

I would go on vacations by myself Buy myself everything Buy him nothing IF he says anything? Call HIM a cheap Golddigger See How HE LIKES IT!!

[@brandi5126]

S1: Girl, you will PAY for everything his EX did if things continue on this way. You can't heal him! That is work that only he can choose to do for himself, and he is not in a healthy mental place to be in a good marriage. You deserve someone who is equally excited to create an enjoyable life with you as you are with them.

[@AndyyWithAY]

That first update was all deflection. He took zero ownership and wanted her to just stay with him. I'm glad she cut the cord and stopped saying maybe we'll get back together. You get burned in relationships. You can decide you don't want to give as much in relationships but you can't abuse the new person. Giving 1 woman a $10k ring and the world and the next a 3 figure piece of 💩 and making her pay for everything. That's not right. There's a happy medium where you give less and get a more equitable relationship

[@DrownedInExile]

This. He didn't give a crap about her issues. He was all about MEMEME. Though frankly I get it, all OP ever did was flap her jaw. In his twisted mind, he didn't have to do anything, because he figured OP wouldn't do anything beyond whimper and whine.. Fortunately she proved him wrong!

[@julierichardson800]

Yeah like it's about the person. Id be fine with this as I don't like my hands so rarely wear rings. But I had a £7k honeymoon so I'm not basic. Like the OP I don't need spoiling or showering in gifts but I do want to feel appreciated. Like cars as well even if money was nothing to me I wouldn't be bothered about having a top of the line car or designer furniture but I would want designsr shoes, nice holidays, regular hair appointments and a cleaner. That doesn't seem ridiculous to be with a millionaire and get a pair of Jimmy Choos on your birthday and 5* travel a few times a year! Id be perfectly happy to work and pay for my own luxuries/car because they cover the day to day.

[@loiracitr]

That's abuse on so many levels. Psychological, physical and obviously financial. He took pleasure in seeing how much he could push it

[@ZombieSazza]

The abused has turned into the abuser, he’s repeating a toxic cycle of abuse and punishing OP for something she never did, she never treated him that way, she never took advantage of him, she actually treated him like a King when he never deserved it. She just wanted treated as an equal, to be loved, that’s not jealousy, that’s just wanting basic affection from a partner he doesn’t even seem to like or respect.

[@maniaclaugh]

No, he probably was always like this. Maybe he didn't do it this obviously but I'd bet his ex wasn't as much a gold digger as he tries to paint her as. The next victim won't even have the 'pleasure' of living in his home. I think he will escalate until he's literally starving himself in a cold hole in the wall all to 'save' money.

[@wmdkitty]

He was never actually abused. He's doing what abusers do, though -- claiming to be the victim when he was the perpetrator.

[@renatatarnawski5974]

He has turned into his EX Found out he could get away with it So he continued

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

That is until OP dumped his sorry behind and sent him to the streets where he belongs.

[@viddergrapho8488]

Bruh if he kept harassing me I'd send him an actual letter saying that

[@christinesinclair6938]

THIS STORY! She actually **was** way out of his miserly league and only as she leaves him, does he maybe try a little but he's too damaged to be with anyone. Though, the updates are new. Glad to see OP recovering herself as she moves on. Sorry to see that friendship fizzle but well, OP and the ex were NEVER getting back together. Glad she has a good BF now and a good life. Oh, and I hope her ex steps on a bunch of rakes, Side-Show Bob style!

[@AndyyWithAY]

ETA: Since people have no comprehension skills and need everything spelled out for them. Obviously the best option is to not play this game. But, between a man that cannot do anything for you due to finances and one that has tons of money but makes you pay for everything, option 1 is the best. I would look at anyone like they were crazy if they said they were financing a millionaire's lifestyle. It's better to be with a broke man than this hopefully ex fiance. I think about this story all the time. This guy needs a therapist not a GF and OP needs a therapist not a BF. This dynamic is so toxic. If he wanted people to come over and sit on the floor in the dark, let him. I wouldn't have rented out anything

[@patty-pat-pat]

its better to be with no man you mean. A broke man will break you also; financially and emotionally

[@NottyAries]

​@@patty-pat-patRight. Both of them need to be single. Single people don't need to be in relationships until they're healthy. Also, people need to stop jumping into relationships just because they don't want to be alone.

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

LMFAO...she failed all the tests. He probably dropped a check on her for every dime she put into his house on the way out the door and she didn't mention that part because it would make her look horrible

[@Alae_ffxiv]

@@davenunyabusiness4893 If you need to test someone you're in a relationship with, that's controlling and abusive. Please don't be in a relationship if that's the case :)

[@davenunyabusiness4893]

@@Alae_ffxiv you obviously don't understand what its like to have that much to lose. On top of that he already had someone who was supposed to love him run his pockets. Men should go their own way and if a woman wants to get on their program cool; otherwise the juice isn't worth the squeeze.

[@JoshuaEdward12]

This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back

[@JoshuaEdward12]

Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being

[@JoshuaEdward12]

Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.

[@Fingerscrossedout]

This is such a heartwarming story! Especially for those who went through something similar!

[@Pintosonic]

I think his “gold digger” ex who traumatized him might not been as abusive as he said. Maybe she simply refused to put up with his BS and him having to pay anything in the divorce was financial abuse to him.

[@yozarahirvi4750]

Many people corrobored the stories so I tend to believe it. Although it's all family, so it's normal they're taking his side and see things from his point of view

[@AngelaMerici12]

​@@yozarahirvi4750 I still don't believe the ex is that bad.

[@DrownedInExile]

If he came from old money, wouldn't his family hire the worst of the bottom-feeding shark-lawyers to go after his ex? I don't buy his tragic backstory.

[@rachelwitherspoon4394]

Same here, I was getting the feeling ex may have left him for similar behavior. Any decent divorce attorney for a rich dude is NOT gonna let some wifey take everything not nailed down, all we really have is a financially abusive man CLAIMING his ex financially abused him, and with his money, and his families money, I'm not buying his story.

[@Pintosonic]

@@rachelwitherspoon4394 Yes, usually it’s common for some women to turn in vindictive gold diggers during a divorce. But in this case, knowing that the guy is a millionaire, not replacing the curtains, not maintaining a comfortable temperature in the house during the winter, not furnishing the house are all abnormal behaviour of extreme frugality that are sign of an obsessive compulsive disorder focused around the fear of losing control of resources and extreme distrust of others. This woman took the right decision of not marrying this man. This is the kind of dummy who would neglect his own child by trying to save on diapers by not changing them as often as they should. You simply cannot live a normal life with people like that.

[@clrtwallace0116]

Story 1: been there! I also bent over backwards to make sure he knew my feelings for him had nothing to do with the money. Sadly, it took me 10 years to get out of that relationship, and I’m forever damaged by it. It truly was abusive financially, as well as emotionally manipulative. Hindsight is 20/20. I wish I had seen the abuse and manipulation sooner.

[@yamairad1]

Story 1. I'm reading this book "Why does he do that?" It's about abusive partners. Everything about this guy is in this book. He's just another controlling abuser. I bet the X is not half as abusive as he makes it seem. She probably just wouldn't take his crap.

[@ndawn90]

^Excellent book!! I recommend that book to anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship, anyone who has ever loved anyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship, frankly I think it should be required reading in high school because it would save people a ton of heartache!

[@renatatarnawski5974]

Not sure how he'd be after the wedding? Try Get a mistress and splurge on HER! He's being like this Because he CAN! HE NEEDS THERAPY in the prenup Make sure he writes What HE WILL bring 2 the table! So Far it's nothing but heartache And OP losing her cash. As 4 curtains As long as it's HIS house Its HIS PROBLEM!

[@crow6221]

Ladies. You don't have to comfort a fully grown man, one with money mind you, who refuses to go to trauma therapy and does not know how to communicate or observe if you are unhappy. Don't deal with the overgrown man children and find an evolved loving and emotionally intelligent light of a man instead (if you're straight). Glad she got away from that mess.

[@PuppyKatt]

Story 1: Get out of there, and do not go back. When he is wherever he spends his days, arrange for a moving truck and take EVERYTHING that you bought out of your own money: dishes, furniture, appliances, entertainment systems, etc. EVERYTHING. I played this aloud so that my son could hear it. He says RUUUUUUN and don't ever look back.

[@sergeipohkerova7211]

Plot Twist: He's a millionaire but his monies are held in probate by government but if you could be so good as to give him your accound number he can deposit to you sum of ten millions of dollars from which you may collect your fee of USD 2 millions thank you God Blessings to you... 😂😊

[@yozarahirvi4750]

So he's that nigerian prince that keep sending me e-mails ?

[@kanelovec4315]

Op has to understand he hurt her. He pretty much gave her ptsd, anxiety, and depression surrounding spending/using money. Probably also trusting others. Op is still having those problems and probably will have to deal with them alifetime. She has resentment and if she went back to him every small negative comment will just bring it all back and she will have anxiety about him just going back to the abuse or becomw worse where he holds the money he spending over op's head for years. Op deserve better and I glad she found her own stability and got herself an animal who loves unconditionally. I hope she finds love because she has so much, but I hope she just stay happy.

[@dm9078]

She didn’t make him do anything if he wasn’t man enough to say no that was on him. Now he’s taking his cowardice out on OP! NTA

[@myeternalteardrop]

Honestly, I think it would be best for the breakup to be permanent. This was a problem that he was aware of. It's not like his fiancée held onto all of this and it all just came out at once. The only reason he's trying to make a change is because she's threatening to leave him. The opportunity to fix this passed long ago and at this point it's too little, too late. Plus, even if he does work on his issues, what's to stop him from regressing back into his trauma at the first hint of financial trouble? In my opinion, it's too late to save this relationship and he needs a lot of work before she should even consider dating again.

[@megaspit]

The guy in the first story is too traumatized to be in a new relationship yet. He needs to work things out within himself first.

[@robinronin]

S1: He became just like his ab-ser. Actually, worse, because he was still hella rich after the divorce and will still be hella rich after every woman who leaves him, while he just bleeds them dry.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Yup. He basically became a gold digger, just like his ex. And he's a millionaire.

[@Sassy_Kat]

I think some of the commenters in the last story’s final update confused her comments about new bf treating her like a queen with him spending a lot of his money on her. She specifically said occasionally gets her nice gifts, treats her to a nice restaurant or date night or a trip planned in advance. They completely missed her comments about how he is kind, caring, and listens to her when she speaks. They totally misunderstood her or just glossed over that important part. But, that’s what she meant by him treating her like a queen. I hope they find their happily ever after together.

[@ellamitchell1270]

Really pleased of this outcome. Run OP and do not look back. Good luck.

[@MCBRUCE76]

S1: I am sure the Ex wife suffered a lot under this miser's financial control, and she made sure to give him a taste of his own medicine. He may have spent a lot for his Ex, but his true character shows me what kind of a person he is. People with good character and behavior, never change for the worse. He doesn't have any trauma whatsoever, he is only bitter about his Ex taking him for an awesome ride in the divorce. He is a miser, and misers never change, it is a character trait which is instilled in them for life.

[@Silence-1170]

Hi waffles hope you are all doing well today! Hope you have a super rest of your Saturday! Stay safe and stay positive waffles!

[@bunnyslippers191]

He's punishing his new fiance for what his ex wife did to him. OP needs to cut her losses, leave him, and never look back.

[@MaryTheresa1986]

I'm so happy for OP and her happy new life! It was hard fought, but well earned. Part of me wants her ex to finally heal, but the other part of me wants him to pay for how he treated OP. It would serve him right to lose out on genuine love just to end up with another abusive golddigger.

[@SherriLyle80s]

What's the point of all that money? If you can never use it? You can't take it with you.

[@ruthsaunders9507]

Its his money. He doesn't have to share it with her. She invested in the payoff that never came.

[@AGolfHitter]

​@@ruthsaunders9507wanting him to pitch in and not having to pay for absolutely everything is not waiting for a giant payoff.

[@pickle_pup8187]

I felt so bad for OP when I heard the story when Mark read it. Her life sounded so sad. She was trying so hard and he was like Scrooge. If she had stayed she would have been miserable. I am glad she has moved on. Wishing her all the best & much happiness!

[@PiaZen]

Leave him OP. Nothing in this relationship for you. You're better off financially being on your own , earning and saving your own money.

[@Raggmopp-xl7yf]

Don't marry him. My marriage was just like this as his ex stole everything he had and even forced him into bankruptcy. It was calculated and mean spirited. So, of course, I was going to save him and take care of him. He did to me exactly what she did to him including cheating.

[@lindtplease1693]

His ex did the wrong thing, but he was punishing OP for her behaviour. I'm glad she got free. He ended up being the very thing he feared.

[@annabethsmith-kingsley2079]

That poor guy only meets greedy heat diggers.

[@bobbievedvick9334]

Sometimes frugal is just stingy and selfish. And it doesn't get better. Listen and learn.

[@sienkiewiczmonika1161]

"I'm affraid to be called gold-diger" IMO, there's no gold here to dig out. It's theoretically, but seriously... The guy is the one who is gold-digger.

[@qnkendra1523]

OMG yes... on the "what kind of gold digger pays for everything for 3 years, if I was I was really bad at it" I have said similar things when I was accused of being materialistic - because I knew what I bought and prioritized paying bills. I was told I was selfish when I started boundary setting after a life time of putting myself last as that was where others placed me. I still sometimes let my generosity over whelm my actuality but I remind myself when it happens this is why I don't give what I can't afford to replace and want.

[@WolfyFancyLads]

To say OP 1's fiance was financially abused, he sure seems super abusive with money. He gatekeeps his own but burns through her cash? He doesn't even realize HE'S the abuser now. Edit to say I also love what the boss said. Here here!

[@YellaBellaReno]

S1: NTA. My ex fiancé was just like this. He made me split everything 50/50, trying to come up to his standards when I had a far different life and lifestyle. Shoot, at one point he even had me paying more rent than him, for HIS place, that his father gifted him. When I found out about that, I was so hurt and angry. I was always paying for more, to prove that I wasn’t a gold digger. The really messed up part is that he will probably end up with someone who will take advantage of him, because all they will have to do is shut up and go along with what he says. Although, he’ll deserve it. He was such an abusive asshole, and if not a narcissist, a sociopath. I would have left sooner, except everyone kept telling me he was perfect, and my self esteem was low enough to believe them over my own eyes.

[@kerribottriell-baxter7345]

If the ex's sister is getting colder over OP moving on away from brother, then she clearly doesn't respect OP as much.

[@melvinthewatermelon4459]

She had to plan the proposal? Nah get rid of that man.

[@heidifruchtl354]

I remember this story. I'm so glad that OP is happy. My ex-husband and I have remained civil years after our child turned 18. We were pretty good coparents. To me point that people couldn't believe that we were divorced or divorcing. Our child has medical issues and we had made an agreement that we take any disagreement out of the medical facility. The one and only time I had to go outside was because he couldn't make an appointment and I didn't have cell reception inside. He was a bit abusive, but I went through a lot of therapy.

[@moonyollie6977]

When people accuse other people of being "gold-diggers" I immediately side-eye them because every single person who's said that to me turned out to be one themselves.

[@MsStrangeEmilie]

After 3 years and after she left is when he no longer cares for money. Screw him. He is the ick.

[@ddavis8988]

"Palace of Sadness" Damn, that's a bar. Wow, he came back for rent. That's a miserable person indeed. As a man once said, "You can die from someone else's misery."

[@mgen278]

Ikm confused in the last update: “The money is gone. I am not going to get that back or fight for it” What money? The money from the couch she got from him? Was there an agreement that he pay her for something & I missed it?

[@Vesperity82]

I am so glad that I am not the only one who was confused on that sentence. I was thinking didn't he give her some money, but she only took out the money for the sofa and gave the rest back so what did that even mean the money is gone and she cannot get it back. Very confused.

[@slothisasin8240]

I think she is talking about the money she spent in him maybe?

[@adollahfiddy1015]

You know, Mark, you have introduced me to some interesting songs over the years. I really really like this one!

[@AnnMegFair]

that guy seriously asking that she pay back the rent is some clown behaviour. Wow.

[@strawberrysangria1474]

Hurt-people, hurt people, and the cycle of abuse keeps turning. I'm glad OP met someone she adores, and she got a puppy! That abuse cycle ends with her!

[@deettekearns9092]

After everything, the boyfriend comes back and demands back rent for when OP lived in that horrible house? Well, a leopard never changes their spots, do they?

[@alexanderhenby1362]

This is what the saying "hurt people, hurt people" means.

[@aya9981]

Amazing! It makes me wonder if I am settling in my relationship, I dont want to get my hopes too high😂

[@JP-eh4ee]

Story 1: I hope the original abusive ex gf receives a lot of karma

[@laiten35]

Dude is really damaged, hopefully he gets the help he needs

[@darkmask5933]

Have to admit, I was worried OP would flinch and end up taking her millionaire ex back because he seemed so sad and he seemed to be working on his problems ... a lot of people have a hard time leaving relationships even without the money involved, because they "love" their partner and the sunk cost fallacy However, once the ex realizes OP isn't coming back his mask slips and he starts making threats about demanding backrent, just to hurt her. This honestly makes me wonder ... just how bad was his "gold-digger ex-wife" really? Sure, all of HIS friends and family vouch for the abuse, but you have to wonder just how toxic was the ex-wife compared to how "innocent" OP's ex actually was. That's the thing about ex-in-laws, no matter how close you think you are with them, when push comes to shove they will almost always side with their real family. Just look at how OP is dealing now with the ex-SIL. I have no doubt ex-wife was toxic, but I don't think OP's ex was the innocent little victim his biased family claim he is.

[@andreavanhoof6047]

Story 1: I hope that the toxic man will realize that he pushed OP away!

[@tineve2002]

This goes with the saying, "Hurt people, hurt people." I love the "Inside Out" reference from that commenter, it really made sense. As for the ex, is OP really sure he's on therapy? Because he seems everything was well with him and his sister until they found out that OP is now dating someone new, and then they decided dropped the act by distancing and asking for rent. Well, some people never change. OP should ride on a horse with her new boyfriend into the sun 🌞 😊

[@katiecakesl4691]

The first story reminds me of my sister. She dated a guy who inherited a couple million. He said he was frugal and financially responsible. No. He was cheap. He had a pattern of refusing to spend money and calling her a gold digger. The last straw for her was the day he asked her out to coffee and wouldn't even pay for her 2 dollar coffee, then when she brought up how rude it is to invite someone somewhere and not pay, especially for something so cheap, he called her a gold digger again. She dumped him on the spot and told him good luck finding someone who is willing to put up with a man who acts like a deadbeat man child.

[@nancyanderson7335]

Story 1 I’m sorry I’m calling it yes he may have been financially abused by his ex although sounds like he was damn well willing to spoil her. He is for sure out of trauma financially abusing this woman. He refuses to spend money on her and their life at all. Like this woman is asking for the bare minimum and he’s giving nothing. Glad she left him

[@LRWdesign]

Life is not perfect. People are not perfect. Worries and troubles come around all the time. Your partner should be your rock, the person you can talk to and lean on when you are too weak to continue. When you marry you both should bring equally the foundations of the marriage (commitment, loyalty, communication, honesty) and from those foundations a marriage ebbs and flows. Finances are what they are and each partner should respect and discuss finances. It seems that neither of them in the first story had a good foundation. You cannot love someone until you love yourself and are confident in you. BTW I’m a reformed people pleaser so I understand the savior complex.

[@PrincessQ-fj9ly]

Sounds like OP's future husband is doing the exact same thing his ex did, financial abuse. And that's not cool. 😒 OP's NTA at all. And I can understand OP's jealousy to a degree. She wasn't getting the same effort his ex got. Whereas the gold digger ex got all the luxury in the world and basically bled him dry as a repayment, OP's having to walk on egg shells, just to get the bare minimum, and that's wrong. OP might be a people pleaser, but his sister is right. OP's fianceè is no good. 😒 He definitely needs to treat her better. OP needs to talk to her fiancè as soon as possible. After Update: I'm so glad OP stood up for herself. I'm not surprised that they broke up. And OP's right. Loving ourselves is the key to a happy life. 😊 And as my dad said "You can do bad on your own." And in exchange of a stingy fiancè, OP's got a puppy. ❤ The comments are on point as usual. I especially love the one from ZestyLemonAsparagus. They really had the best advice anyone can give. 😊 And I'm so happy OP has found a new man, someone better. I hope they make it! ❤ This is a very uplifting story in my eyes. 💕

[@missmoxie9188]

I see all these stories that go like this; “Why are you treating me so badly?” “Well my ex traumatized me!” Does anyone ever think to actually get the ex’s side of the story, or do we just let an abuser put words in their mouth? Oh and did HIS family and HIS friends say SHE was the problem? Of course they did.

[@teenalot1235]

I always wondered what happened to this OP ans tried to give her a happy ending. So glad that what I imagined for her does not compare to her reality 😊.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Well this is nauseating. am I the only one doubting the golddigger story about the ex? She keeps repeating this story she's heard from him and his sister about how his ex demanded this and required that then took everything when she left like the money grubber she was, the nasty woman! Then he's sooooo depressed he can't even buy a couch, curtains, or dinner check with his millions?

[@dummygirl1201]

Yeah, that was probably made up. He's sadistic. Look at how he only decided to promise after she left, and when she didn't wanna return to being his ATM, he wanted back rent, never mind that she paid for everything for 3 years. He's trash. His sister was also in on it by how she's cold now that OP has a new bf and didn't warn her

[@PinkMarshmallows]

Since you connected the dots, I don't believe his story about his ex being abusive. She most likely saw his mask slip and thought she had to gtfo quick, and the money she took was the courts compensation to the abuse he put her through.

[@lalvarez5151]

Sounds like he just wanted to control her. If she spent all her money on him she would not have enough to leave

[@DrownedInExile]

You'd think if he came from Old Money, that his family would have hired an army of the worst bottom-feeding shark-lawyers to go after his ex? I don't buy his tragic backstory either!

[@ndawn90]

Right? Like, his ex supposedly robbed him blind, and yet he's still extremely wealthy only a few years later, which means that he either rebounded extremely quickly and/or she never took that much to begin with. Another commenter said something about his family being so wealthy that she would have been legally dragged over the coals by his family's old-money lawyers, and that's an excellent point as well.

[@heatherdickau5335]

She was his emotional support girlfriend.

[@mariac.9344]

I am pretty sure his ex wasn't a gold digger, just a normal woman who was vocal about wanting more than the bare minimum.

[@reginafarley1325]

Story 1. It makes me wonder how he treated the ex. He was beyond stingy until you left then he sends you $$. It's possible he did the same thing to her. He's a control freak who uses $$ as a weapon. She probably took him to the cleaners to punish him for how he treated her.

[@AIBot929]

S1: He just wanted to punish his ex but since he couldn't he took all of that anger and transferred it to OP and punished hee instead. There is absolutely nothing she could have done to make him believe she wasn't a gold digger, he just wanted to see how terrible he could treat her and she'd stay. Like f'ing heat! Really heat! I hope he is alone and miserable forever

[@Ospyro3em]

Final update- excuse me?! He tried to make her pay rent? Concrete proof there that he hasn't changed a bit and probably won't.

[@Tammohawk1]

I'm happy for OP. But very sad for the ex. He must be living in mental turmoil.

[@kateemma22]

Some men will do anything except get therapy.

[@KE-hr4sb]

So happy for OP!

[@DrownedInExile]

I remember this one, and I still don't buy the now-ex-fiance's tragic backstory. If he really comes from Old Money, wouldn't his family have hired an army of lawyers to go after his ex? Even if it is legit, he has no right to bleed all over the innocent. Note how he didn't say a word when OP aired out her grievances, except at the end to ask if "he still had a chance"? Talk about MEMEME! I'm so glad OP left that miserable Palace of Sadness, though I wonder if Palace of Malice is more appropriate. But she should have blocked him everywhere. Same for his family. It seems OP still a ways to go regarding her people-pleaser tendencies. Also she asks why her ex never made any positive changes while they were together? Because all she ever did was flap her jaw. Hopefully she learns to take action, and not suffer endlessly.

[@crowdemon_archives]

Palace of 0 Work and Furnishing lol