I Believed My Friends Over My Wife In Regards To Our Close Friend r/Relationships

[@Mario-SunshineGalaxy64]

What a coincidence that she decided to clear her messages around the same time OP sent those messages to the friend, surely nothing suspicious about it. /s

[@TheBlueDsc]

I always love the excuse of "I was deleting messages to clear up some space!" cause it's such a comically stupid excuse. You would have to have billions of texts on your phone for them to take up a meaningful amount of space.

[@mikef2811]

Those deleted message is enough for me to divorce her. I am not going to destroy my mental health trying to find the truth. I would just cut my loss and be done with it.

[@jessemaskell157]

If what she says about deleting them is true then check her other messages. If only his messages were cleaned up she is a liar.

[@beachlife1498]

Periodically, I got to go through my phone and delete messages. When I do, I always let my wife know I’m doing it. Especially our family post. The amount of videos and pictures you get that message just fills my phone fast. I can end up with 10 gig of messages in about six months.

[@jake8748]

​@beachlife1498 my phone has 512gb of storage. So 10gb for 6 months would take me 40 times that data aka 20 years. Though having logs that long can be very slowing of the phone. I personally haven't deleted a message non spam for as long as I can remember except say former co workers I only had little contact or other low contact people. My current phone has 96gb data used and my images are 4gb total. I have to send photos often enough for work too. However most of my family conversations is with messenger which I believe clouds your old pictures and videos.

[@dianabialaskahansen2972]

Story 1: Wife is literally a walking red flag, yet OP seems to want to ignore it, rather than actually get rid of the trash.

[@Sparky0627]

No, he just wants verification before blowing up the marriage. He's 70% there, but he wants 100% verification first.

[@craigwapples4200]

They went fishing at night for 4 hours without him or the children smh this guy is one of those who just won’t want to accept the truth

[@bhart3321]

@@Sparky0627 He's never gonna get 100%. There will never be a smoking gun, he will never have the full or ever half of the truth. He's got enough & needs to kick her out & cut out the cancerous tumor that is this friend group. He desperately needs to move on or he will never heal.

[@venusbleu5764]

Man seems like OP has more than enough justification to raise hell and just wants to not accept it.

[@Masenken]

Once he's through the stages of denial, his rage is going to come out 10 fold

[@GrumpyOldFart2]

@@MasenkenThe thing is, the way he has described his marriage, it’s really a moot point. Doesn’t matter what she’s doing; he has good reasons for bailing even without the proof of cheating.

[@Mgeeza]

The OP is becoming the AH for ignoring the evidence and whines about it.

[@ElleD308]

​@@Masenken He sounds like the type that won't divorce, and if he separates, she will take her back

[@bhart3321]

Dude is never gonna get that smoking gun so he should just end it & leave. Also STOP SLEEPING WITH HER it's only making it more difficult. Also cut these people out of his life, her sh*t stirring drama queen friends, chad, all of them, they all sound toxic af. Move on with his life & heal away from negative influences like these people.

[@puli_dreadhead]

How much proof does he need ? An affair child ? Also they are going fishing but bring nothing back? Not even pictures of catches and release 🤨

[@robertx8020]

Maybe there already is an afairchild? They (friend and wife) have known eachother long enough for it to happen! TBH 1) We don't know if they didn't bring anything back 2) Some ppl just enjoy the 'catch' and put it back afterwards So this isn't that suspicious on it's own And again, we don;'t know of there are pictures or not but it would be good for OP to ask!

[@catalinacaro8183]

Sometimes when you go fishing the fish don't want to fish 😅 so it's possible they go fishing for a few days and don't catch anything. but yeah, it's weird when in happens on multiple ocations

[@LoveableNiki]

Whenever an OP says "I don't want to break up", I'm like why are you here??? Not saying that's always the answer. However, sometimes that should be an option.

[@jackspring7709]

Exactly. I don't understand that at all.

[@theblackKatKuro]

I think most of the time it is bc they can't justify breaking up to themselves. It takes redditors beating some sense into them for them to realize tbe relationship is already gone and breaking up just a formality.

[@philwill0123]

​@@jackspring7709it's people not wanting to start from scratch in life

[@ZomBeeQueeen]

Convenience and just settling is my guess. He has kids and works a lot.

[@jackspring7709]

At first I thought "I hope he wasn't listening to idle gossip" but just 2 minutes in - that is a siren of red flags. 12 minutes in - this is painful: I can't take any more lol .

[@godzillakungfu]

STORY 1. Not going to lie, these stories irritate me. He didn’t want to know. You’ve watched the cameras for hours, but never decided to add a new one or move an existing one to see what’s going on. Yet, you will send a cryptic google message to make more drama.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

He’s getting proof without looking like it. My buddy does this shit. It’s low key ingenious, he will always be the man who tried to fix it while she kept cheating. Once he has proof fr fr that means he socially won’t be punished, he’s out. Gen X is savage

[@mariluro5399]

Seems like some people prefer to be the doormats and take a lot of abuse instead to be alone .. no much sympathy for them really... He even said he knew she saw him more than ATM than a husband and instead decided to stay...

[@Kimberly_Sparkles]

@@drewthistlethwaite8909 LOL That really in a Gen X thing.

[@carlrood4457]

@@drewthistlethwaite8909 Actually, all he did was give them a heads up

[@MCBRUCE76]

Some people love to live in denial and lies, just to maintain their facade, but some day it will blow out of proportion only to humiliate and embarrass them in front of everyone.

[@AvyFerg]

I'm coming to pick up my truck tonight" Was code for "He knows"

[@Fete_Fatale]

Nah, it was just an excuse message because the rest of their comms that night were deleted.

[@petitmains]

Oh poor OP too That message after they blocked the narcissistic mom and cut off her supply holy s*** Yeah that's a narcissist going in a meltdown mode and everybody around them is going to start pressuring OP and her husband to come back because they don't want to take the heat that OP was getting. Stay gone OP stay gone OP's husband and have a kick ass life without b****** in it I cut my family out when I was 19 I have stayed so happy and I haven't had to cry on Christmas for like 20 years.

[@carylhalfwassen8555]

💔

[@catsncrows]

S2 That last message sounds wild, I'd pop that up on social media and maybe plan on moving away. That MIL sounds obsessive and scary twisty

[@trilbynhiss]

I would definitely share that where everyone could see it with the background on the miscarriage, etc. If people don't know about it yet, they need to.

[@BraveryWing26]

I loved the drawing at the "That's who she is, a person who jokes about someone losing their child!" It got a smile because the MIL REALLY HAD IT COMING

[@nikkismith2858]

It’s the truth

[@rinpaisys]

Story 2: mother in law spends so much time “playing” the villain she doesn’t realize it stopped being a play ages ago.

[@FoxFireNaruto]

Yeah, but that that 'anonymous' message really laid out that she was never joking. It was all deliberate and hateful.

[@dscheaffer]

S2 - Sounds like a police report and a restraining order is in order for the MIL and FIL.

[@AutumnFire1414]

Bet MIL will lose her everlovin' shit when she realizes she's not getting any more reaction out of OP. She sounds like a narcissist.

[@hi_stranger9156]

Story 1: OP is in denial phase.

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

He’s doing what my buddy does. Deny while getting proof. Once he has proof that gets him in the clear 100% legally and socially, he’s gone. He’s playing g her game to get that info

[@retroMartin]

Is that why he asked reddit for advice? 😂​@@drewthistlethwaite8909

[@bhutehole]

Op has no spine.

[@BraveryWing26]

THAT MIL from the second story is absolutely awful and disgusting.

[@Impostor39890]

Story 1 : The other man was spending time with OP's wife and kids more than OP does, essentially replacing OP's role as a husband & father.

[@jakeand9020]

And notably NOT as provider...

[@kelseytrevino254]

​@@jakeand9020right, the other guy wants all the fun parts of being a husband & father, while doormat OP is bankrolling it all. Guarantee that if OP grows a spine & divorces her, the play time "daddy"/"husband" would disappear so fast as soon as the dirty wife asked him to step into the provider role

[@amethystanne4586]

Story 2 …… my condolences to the family. My mother&father lost their 2nd daughter in September 1955 to stillbirth. Mom never “got over” losing her. In 2017, Mom was getting her affairs in order, making sure she and Dad were laid to rest next to my sister, Elizabeth.

[@davidransom4476]

Friend since before marriage - get kids DNA tested. Says friend is nasty, but talks with him for 3 hours at night?

[@Masenken]

Story 1, that marriage is shot. She's for the streets and it's high time he put her out there. Story 2, OP should've been no contact from the jump, but after that latest stunt... Well. MIL crossed a line there's no coming back from

[@Frostfern94]

Her affair partner is to the streets too. Both are gross af

[@Masenken]

@@Frostfern94 AP's are usually scummy by default. Then there's the ones who either don't know it were lead on by false pretenses. Usually not hard to distinguish which category they fall in. In the end, however, I typically put the full onus on the spouse/SO. all it takes is a no, and it doesn't happen. That's all there is to it

[@MH-ku5kn]

Story 2... the next update will be the extended family "seeing the story on tiktok" on realizing how disgusting they all are for allowing that behavior for so long. In the US that last message is legally actionable. That's verbal assault.

[@shellchenonceau6987]

Story 1: OP is merely a doormat and ATM.

[@terriebtsOT7]

I feel like we get snippets of Mark's actual personality as he narrates! I love it! My favorite narrator

[@gabak1292]

Story1: 3 min in and I already know that this Marriage is over! She: Acts shady! He: Doesn't trust her at all! And to be honest at this point it doesn't matter anymore if she cheated or not!

[@wvanyar1801]

I agree, the marriage is over. OP has spent hours watching videos of the property. He has spent hours going over phone records. No, the trust is gone, the marriage died a long time ago. OP just doesn’t want to divorce for reasons.

[@Jenifer_R_]

Absolutely a threat and absolutely should be reported. Also, it's good to have the threat on blast. The coward wanted to stay anonymous, but now everyone in the town is wondering who they are.

[@DanielWillMusic]

As a Redditor posted on story 1: Melissa: So I see why he wouldn't trust source he must not know who she got it from. Kandy: Right but Chad wouldn't have told anyone about you 2 having sex or anything. Unless someone went through his phone maybe? Melissa: Nope and nope. Sorry but that is indisputable.

[@ndawn90]

Ok, I'm glad I'm not going crazy here, because this is essentially a straight up confession from Melissa's lips into OP's ears!! He keeps talking about a "smoking gun", but he already has it! Denial is a hell of a drug...

[@tifadreamers]

OP kept talking about waiting for the 'smoking gun' when he has already a ton of them. he said he's adding a camera but not on the blind spots he missed. he kept saying he won't let it slide after saying he doesn't believe in divorce. reading his post stressed me out. even if he gets proof and confession, he's not going anywhere

[@ChristopherClyde12]

This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

I am sorry about what you have been through. I have been through something similar and was almost depressed, till I contacted a spiritual counsellor who helped me get my ex back and hence my life back

[@ChristopherClyde12]

Interesting. Who is this counsellor, and how do I meet the person?

[@RoyJ.Tillison-tq5ed]

Online, you'll find shelly renee white, revered for her expertise as a spiritual counsellor. She has the ability to reunite couples and promote holistic well-being

[@ChristopherClyde12]

Thanks a lot. I just did. Impressive.

[@baraka629]

the most whipped comment in youtube's exsitence. hope you find your spine and your testicles again.

[@DaWhiteWolffie]

Last MIL sounds like a psychopath. O.o Keep everyone away from her!

[@ScooterBond1970]

She sounds like Norma Bates. Lucky for OP the hubby isn't Norman.

[@Daug555]

S1: The mental gymnastics is beyond frustrating. End it already.

[@Swnsasy]

Sorry but, she's cheating. I know he doesn't want it to be true but umm yea, she's cheating/cheated.. All messages are gone too? Oh and that, "you're insecure" is literally the goto... There is absolutely no way I would be spending that much time with a mutual male friend to my husband and I.. It's absolutely disrespectful to my husband and I would never!

[@drewthistlethwaite8909]

Yeah men don’t grasp that many women emotionally cheat vs physical. Ironically tho, according to polls and data, emotional affairs hurt women more and physical hurt men so this being emotional might explain it.

[@Swnsasy]

@@drewthistlethwaite8909 So, so very true!! Spot on

[@barbthegreat586]

I'm a woman and I also would never do such a thing to my partner.

[@Swnsasy]

@@barbthegreat586 It's CRAZY how the hurt spouse tells them, hey, if it was me doing what you do, would you think I'm cheating? I'm not trying to control you, it just makes me very uncomfortable... and they say YES I WOULD BE HURT BUT, IT'S DIFFERENT CUZ I'VE KNOWN HIM A LONG TIME!! 🙄🙄WTF!? HOW!?

[@bhart3321]

And him trying to get that smoking gun or going for unvarnished truth is only going to destroy him more. He's never gonna get what he wants. He needs to kick her out & cut that toxic friend group out of his life if he has any hopes of healing himself. Also wtaf is he thinking with still sleeping with her, does he want STD cuz that's how he gets an STD. Also it's just muddling his emotions to where he can't think straight while giving her hope that she can love bomb him into submission. The fact they've had a dead bedroom for nearly 10 yr to all of a sudden be so aggressive towards him tells you everything you need to know about her.

[@mitchellsoto5141]

You marry the family as well, if your in-laws are horrible and your partner doesn’t put an end to it immediately, do not date or marry them. You’re sentencing yourself to extra BS and life is already hard enough

[@owl7072]

I got an interview offer to work at a cookie shop in town 🥰🍪

[@carolroberts4614]

That's great! Good luck!

[@owl7072]

@@carolroberts4614 🥰

[@jennyanswer42]

Good luck! Hopefully soon you'll be rolling in dough.😂

[@Jessidafennecfox]

Congratulations 🎉

[@NotAFanOfHandles]

Gratz! 🥳🍪

[@Spawnkiid]

OP in story 1 is jumping through so many hoops to avoid the truth.

[@Pepperjack1986]

It's at the very least an emotional affair in Story 1. Talking to this guy friend for hours, avoiding OP by using their opposite work schedules, abundant texts between the 2. In my opinion, an emotional affair is just as bad, and OP needs to proceed as though the affair has been confirmed.

[@Ashbrash1998]

It only alright to proceed with an assumption if your willing to accept the blowback of being wrong

[@Pepperjack1986]

@@Ashbrash1998 there's no assumption; his wife is at minimum definitely having an emotional affair based off his observations alone. Whether it's physical or not, she's been inappropriate and has crossed the line with her behavior with this friend. If OP wants to keep trying with this marriage, he certainly is free to do so, but he kept talking about needing a "smoking gun" before doing anything else. He already has it, though.

[@icarussisyphus5201]

This guy is dense. He should have setup cameras pointing at the blind area and left a camera at home. When you go hunt for a rat, you don't make noise that you are around.

[@Sakuraqueen]

Story 1: people like OP frustrate me!! Bloody hell!!

[@cmilch6826]

I actually love marks voice. It’s so soothing and brings me joy when I’m having a bad day ❤

[@kitarrah1422]

Same. I've said before that it's like warm, melty butter and syrup on a waffle 🧇.

[@EluneAnzu]

Story 2: Sadly for the OP I don't think it's over for them yet, the MIL sounds like a Sociopath (or at least some kind of mental condition) I hope for the best for them but, as I said, I doubt MIL will let her punching bag go so easy.

[@WyntheRogue]

Sociopath with a hint of toxic boy mom [It's pretty clear MIL wants to be the only woman in hubby's life and is butthurt that he's 100% team OP.] I do love that hubby wasn't hesitant to side with OP on going No Contact, though as a preemptive measure, should screenshot that comment as it can be seen as a threat and also air it on all the socials so the town knows MIL is full of shit and mayhap spill every piping hot drop of tea about her to make MIL into the town crone.

[@miz6229]

S1 - Wow! Just wow! I literally threw my hands up listening to this story. Is OP just dumb or in denial? NO woman spends hours texting/talking/"fishing" with a man that she says "is nasty." Not all cheaters will confess. I would have secretly put up more cameras in the blind spots before confrontation. Texts can be recovered but it's not easy.

[@ladymorrigan5950]

Yeah, I was thinking about my serial cheater ex. One of his favorite things was to ‘go fishing.’

[@drhacknslashzombietimelord6768]

"One time was when they were fishing. In her vehicle." How the hell do you fish in a vehicle. The car wouldn't be able to hold the water, or the fish, since one would have to be rolled down so you can get the poles in, and then you run the severe risk of getting the hook caught on part of the interior. Not to mention all the water damage it would do to the vehicle, and the difficult and time consuming task it would be to fill it with water and fish. Just fish from from the shore, or a pier, or from a boat. Saves a lot of cost on car repairs from turning a car into a fishing pond.

[@DDs878]

😭😭😆😆

[@MaryTheresa1986]

😂😂😂😂😂

[@ChrisAndCats]

You could feed it through the vents I suppose....🤔

[@Eirilyn]

Absolute proof is only useful if you live in an at fault state. Their marriage is already not a marriage and he feels used. That is all that really matters

[@Because-rt8qs]

Sounds like he's ok with being used as long as he doesn't actually see them having sex. Like he can tolerate not knowing for sure. Absolute proof is useful to him because it's the only kind of evidence he would care about.

[@deecee796]

Story 1 OP is an absolute tool, finding any and all excuses just to not break up Pathetic

[@chamab.6800]

If Chad was friends with both of them why did he never message/call his friend just to chat? Why did they never hang out on weekends?

[@elsaflood6393]

S1. She's cheating but OP will only believe if they do it infront of him. Maybe not. Waste of time. He'll never leave.

[@Shy-kthxbai]

Yep. I mean he literally has the message from her friend where his wife is confirming the affair and he’s still like well she didn’t specifically say “I slept with him”, she just implied it. Face fucking palm.

[@draconicfeline6177]

"I don't believe in divorce" So you believe in being a doormat and being abused. Gotcha. He's blaming it on a generational issue but it's clearly a spine issue.

[@AndyyWithAY]

I'm always in camp no matter who gives you evidence, you better doubt that 💩 if you don't have suspicions. BUT this behavior is sus on bus. It's already bizarre that she talks to him for hours every day. Multiple friends are telling him she's cheating. She's been very open about her affair. Are the friends really drama starters? 🤔 Or are they truth tellers and she poisoned the well? The most damning part is her deleting those text messages. If it's innocent, why would you delete those? I have some text messages from years ago on my phone

[@BruinPhD2009]

I have a lot of old texts on my phone, too. Sometimes I keep them to remember what we talked about or I'm too lazy to save a number in my contacts. 😅

[@SingingMermaid4]

Lol sus on a bus is great

[@ndawn90]

I would say the most damning part was when she essentially openly admitted to the affair on the phone because she (?) didn't know her husband was listening to her speaking to her friend on speaker phone... "Kandy: ...Chad wouldn't have told anyone about you two having sex or anything. Unless someone went through his phone maybe? Melissa: Nope and nope" She didn't say, "I never had sex with Chad", or, "Why would Chad lie about us having sex?", or, "Why would you imply I had sex with Chad?" Her response to her friend saying that her AP wouldn't have discussed the affair was to essentially agree with that statement. He wouldn't tell anyone you two had sex, right? Nope! *THAT'S* OP's freaking smoking gun! From Melissa's lips directly into his ear holes.

[@AndyyWithAY]

If OP decided for them not to go NC, then husband is in the clear. But, the whole time I was listening to this I was thinking husband was the biggest AH here for still having this woman in their lives or home. After a miscarriage, the only place a husband should be is with his wife unless she doesn't want that. It seems like husband is in the clear, so that's good. But MIL is despicable. She probably has an emotionally incestuous relationship with her son too and is jealous. Of the kids too. She said out of pocket things about them too

[@nikkismith2858]

The last communication/ threat sounded like her projection-you’ll be alone with no kids and family (that’s the mil fear esp as her mum died) she doesn’t sound like a nice person but I think her mums death is sending her into a vicious person either keeping busy by raging bullying others as an outlet for her pain and anger

[@bhart3321]

It's becoming frighteningly common for moms, particularly single moms, to create these ersatz emotionally incestuous relationships with their sons. It's not healthy for either of them as boys raised by these types of moms have a tendency to become those mommas boys that side with their mother over their own partner. while the mother rarely if ever goes looking for another relationship, why should she when she puts it all on her son.

[@ScooterBond1970]

"After all, a boy's best friend is his mother." -Norman Bates. Also MIL, probably

[@BrianLiamson]

Why do you keep this kind of guy around your family and wife? He's spending way too much time with your wife, breaking the emotional and physical boundaries. So this marriage is in danger.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

If that was happening to me and my spouse was spending an hour or more sitting in their car when they arrive home, instead of coming in and taking care of/spending time with their children, I would be out in that driveway confronting them! If nothing is going on, then there is no reason for a person to sit in their car that long. I can understand occasionally being on a phone call with a family member that needs to be taken care of, but every day is out of the question! Also, nobody that is in a relationship will be comfortable with their partner spending 3 hours outside talking to someone of the opposite sex while ignoring their family. And don’t even get me started on them spending time alone “fishing”, because no mother should be alone with a male friend while her children need tending to. You want to fish, then you take the kids along…after all that’s the whole purpose of the trip, right? Both of them are acting totally suspicious, but the wife is especially bad because she is the one who made vows to her husband to be faithful.

[@Bleg94]

in danger? if OP had a spine, even the resemblance of one, it should be over

[@mikimishisa]

​@stirrednotshaken4837 that's dumb tho just cuz she's a mom she can't do anything without kids.

[@stirrednotshaken4823]

@@mikimishisa She's a married woman who is also a mother. She now has responsibilities to tend to, not as free as she used to be as a single woman. I'm not saying she can't do things alone, but it's a bad look when she's married and carrying on with a man who is not her husband. Would you be ok with your partner spending so much time with someone else of the opposite sex? If she has so much time, she should be spending it with her family. Why be married at all if you want to flounce around like your single?

[@ToxicSunrise132]

Story 1: I dunno, this story is completely sus, from the wife's behavior to the drama queen friends who may well be trying to blow up OP's marriage for the lulz. I don't blame OP at all for wanting more information before potentially upending his entire life

[@bryanshore2257]

He should have looked at the cool logs also because he said his wife would come home and just sit in the car for an hour before she comes in. Nobody just sits in their car for an hour doing nothing.

[@jameshutchinson2817]

I'd send a mother's day card for her dead mom to her house, and write something like "she's definitely better off now she's away from you."

[@Obiwantuan]

Story 1: I have never deleted a text in my life because I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of ever. Divorce her.

[@335chr]

I have but only because Phones at the time had limited storage space

[@jennyanswer42]

I have but only when it contained a password .

[@toothless3835]

Neither have I, but some people do. Some people do digital clean ups like that regularly. Especially if the phone is 32 GB of internal storage or less. I had to clean up my digitial library of stuff from an old phone that was 128GB of internal memory when I got a new phone of 32 GB of internall memory. I didn't realize [because I never considered it] before I got my new phone the internal memory. I only know because I have some apps that crash now and have to clear thigns up. I've moved all my photos from 15+ years onto an SD drive. AND I couldn't swap much of my messages over which kills me because I personally save everything. Point is, deleting things doesn't equal guilt.

[@heatherdickau5335]

The only texts I delete are the spam ones or business type I don't need.

[@carolroberts4614]

I deleted all mine by mistake once( for texting and calls I use an old flip phone, for everything else I use my Kindle) I was devastated, because I had some texts from my recently deceased sister on there.

[@paperkay]

That last story ... imagine being a nice person. Just... a decent human being. And you get a mother-law who moks you for being a SA survivor, who mocks your dead baby and who makes it her mission to mess with you, because, well, you seem like an easy target. And all the while you are thinking what to do so as not to hurt their feelings. That makes me so, so sad for OP. She sounds so nice and naive and cannot comprehend some witches are just insanely evil. Mocking-a-woman-for-losing-a-baby evil.

[@melissaclark1051]

Always hate when they have my name

[@Tokachitheartist]

Not all melissa's are Bad people!

[@Mewse1203]

Mark feels the same, lol. Just be glad you're not Karen.

[@robertx8020]

"Always hate when they have my name"" Well, that's on you for having a name at all LOL (emoticons didn't work for some reason )

[@singer2be256]

Oh man. I'm listening to this while writing a story about a girl named Melissa...

[@nunuthings1945]

Story one... OP is so annoying, I don't know why he's asking for advice, he's not going to take it.... He's already stated that he's against divorce. So what's the point of trying to find out if she really did cheat, with all of this evidence in his face.. I despise cheaters, however OP makes me want to say let that woman cheat in peace.😂😂 Because unfortunately he's not going anywhere... I mean seriously I guess he wants to catch them in the act. 🙄 But I get the feeling that even if he saw them going pound town, he wouldn't do anything, he will probably ask are you cheating on me as they're going at it. 🙄😭😂🤣

[@ayanaatthrivebewhole]

For story 2, this goes to show about how a lot of people get away with bullying behavior by calling it jokes! that mother-in-law is dangerous as hell! I hope they get a restraining order. She sent that message anonymously, because she knew she could get into legal trouble for the threat.

[@ayanaatthrivebewhole]

For story one, my heart really goes out to op! As someone who has been cheated on in the past, sometimes we feel as though we have to have 100% perfect proof in order to take action and move on! That's a recipe for anxiety and mental health issues! Rare is it that you're going to catch some 100% in the act. The fact of the matter is that even if they haven't had complete sex, their behavior is out of line, and boundaries stepping, and you can act on the fact... that they're behavior is completely inappropriate and unacceptable. You can act on the fact that you have all of these real concerns, and that your wife is gaslighting you, and making you feel as though all of the evidence you're bringing her is nothing, and minimizing your feelings on it instead of talking it through. Or you could just act on the fact that there is overwhelming evidence, instead of having to wait for someone confess it or a smoking gun. When people panic, they go into defense mode, and deny and gaslight, so they are completely unreliable. You could also act just based on the fact that she is refusing to take the concerns seriously.

[@whiskeyontherocks]

Story 2, if anyone had done something even close to this when my son and his wife lost their twins and I my first grandchildren nine years ago I wouldn't have rested until that person had been publicly shamed on all existing media including newspapers and local radio. Going no contact is too little.

[@chasefrost1401]

In first OP's defense, some people are just stupid.

[@jackwatt8988]

"cleaning out old messages to make space" - okay, and if she deletes a million messages that will equal to the size of a single photo.

[@Peeges_]

Thanks for hanging out with us ❤

[@sparklemotion8377]

Story 1, the amount of time and the times she spends time with the friend, it's cheating even if they only talk or play air hockey. OP is an AH to himself for watching his life like a movie. As if he is dead and watching another man take his role.

[@elsaflood6393]

OPs Update 50 years later. He's still looking for the smoking gun. But let's give him time, his eyesight is no longer good.

[@phtevlin]

#2 I was next to my father as we stood at the foot of the grave of my little sister (his youngest daughter). 40 years had passed, but I could still feel the grief emanating from him. 40 years on, he still wasn't over her untimely death. She lived but a few hours. RIP Anita Katherine Tevlin (10/19/52-10/19/52).

[@N3rd_love]

So, for story 2, I think that OP should consider writing a thank you card to the cousin. In the card, she can explain that she will be bringing only her two children to the event, but she appreciates the invitation for her angel baby who will be there in spirit. It's important not to let the mother-in-law ruin anything - remember, killing with kindness can work wonders. If the cousin responds with, "Oh my gosh, mother-in-law told me you had three kids, I'm so sorry," you could play it up by saying that the mother-in-law must be losing her mind. Show sympathy for the poor dear old woman and undermine the mother-in-law with kindness. Express your worries and concerns that she may be losing her mind, etc.

[@waffleattack3347]

Op in the last story should go to the police and let them know so they can start to establish a record of behavior. But that's all they can do

[@lindak8664]

S2: Cyber bullying is a reportable offence. (Well it is here). She’d probably find she can report it and they could likely trace the account if they see it as a big enough threat to make it worth the effort. What a horrible woman. She needs to be called out publicly every time she does this. Even repost that threatening message onto the family chat explaining its origins. OP won’t even need to “make false accusations”, everyone will know who sent it without OP saying one single word.

[@eshaytoastie9790]

Op doesn't want to have his whole lifestyle to change, with low self-esteem makes people stay and become a doormat.

[@mygrandma3041]

Story 1: OP just need to wear a green hat.

[@keijogirl]

Story 1: The trust is gone. I feel for OP, he needs to get outside of the situation and give him a chance to think. Phone bills have records of every to and from. That’s all the proof he’ll need

[@saintjamesent.866]

Well op 1 is in a "trouple" to begin with. That's clear from the start.

[@robinronin]

S1: Wait, he has time to watch her on the security cameras for literal hours while he’s at work?? If that’s the case, why doesn’t he work less hours so he can spend time with his family? Also, the friends are known drama seekers? She likely cheated, but this whole thing still feels like missing missing reasons. I doubt these people even like each other, like, who watches their partner talk to someone for hours on their home security cameras constantly and just... doesn’t communicate about their feelings and concerns to their partner? 😂

[@B.Harper7]

Story One, this is a fictional writing journal entry 😆🤣 Hits every single high school drama stereotype. At least they had fun writing it!

[@nataliereeves3594]

Story 2: they should go to the police and get a restraining order against her.

[@heathercontois4501]

Story 2-unblock MIL, to document her harassment and move the heck away while filing for a restraining order.

[@heathercontois4501]

Story 1- the mutual friends are known drama starters and waited 18 months (as they are her closest, she definitely told them first thing) and said they will deny telling him. Issues.

[@rachaelclark8465]

Last story, Please op, get a lawyer and go to the cops. Get a restraining order. That new account, what she said IS a DIRECT threat on your life. They can trace the account back to your mil. She won't stop until you put your foot down.

[@errantwinds-up8uu]

Story 2: I don't think I've ever sat up with a "WTF?" face so quickly.

[@jaimejones3177]

2: Why on earth would you ever care about that woman's feelings when she's so obviously doesn't care about yours? She no mother and doesn't deserve the day.

[@ScottieBibble]

Having an anxiety episode - listening to these videos calm me down- cheers Mark!

[@impishrebel5969]

"All phone conversation." UH YEAH ABOUT THAT. There are apps that will record your phone conversations for you.

[@Sambrostar]

I think the fact that OP of the first story says that he doesn't feel like he has all the answers is telling. He KNOWS - whether consciously or subconsciously - that his wife cheated, but doesn't have damning proof. I think he should bite the bullet and call it a day personally, I think the info he has and having the two friends giving testimony is enough. It would definitely be enough for me in this case

[@browniewin4121]

1) Considering body language, reports by other friends, so much texting, and other things, seems OP has been very suspicious for quite a while and with good reason. Now OP is being lied too directly and gaslighted. YTA for not sooner seeing the obvious, doubting multiple friends, and now doubting himself, and for still wanting to be with this woman ... it's time for a good attorney. After update: I'm sorry for OP being so ignorant and still having the stupidity under the circumstances to say, "I do trust my wife." Yes, "Stupid/Blind". At least he now plans on setting up more cameras to get proof. If he can afford it, I think hiring a PI would have been the way to go before confronting his wife, but still a good thing to do now, but really, does he need that to know he is in a bad marriage and should end it? I doubt marriage counseling with this woman is not going to work as far as keeping the marriage lasting. Seems she is just trying to placate and delude OP to keep the status quo so she can have her cake and eat it too. 2) WTH, how could FIL and MIL be so insensitive and absolutely awful. Her telling the cousin to do this was so spiteful and disingenuous. Absolutely NTA for going full NC, to hell with MIl's feelings, she does not care at all about OP's or her son's. After update: I am so angry on OP's behalf. MIL is not kidding, this is no joke, and OP is not being too sensitive. Just cut her off 100%. It's good DH is on the side of NC. MIL is so absolutely vile, I think OP should share this assault with everyone else with DH backing up that this kind of attitude and behavior is why they have gone NC.

[@HobieInTheBox]

Story 1: I know OP is older but sheesh his language at some points 💀

[@atlus6412]

Story 1: op is a Doormat..... She's cheating right under his nose.... And he's still confused.

[@danawhiting3593]

#1 OP needs to get a paternity test on the kids as there sex life has been very sporadic.

[@rahulmodi8706]

Story 1 is Dale Gribble

[@d53380]

Why do you need a “smoking gun”? The trust is broken (as it should be). The relationship is over.

[@slothdance2020]

OP is throwing up some major red flags! His language, his clear anger issues, the way he speaks about their love life... I just. If she is having an emotional affair, I feel like I could understand her reasons even if it is still wrong.

[@damitafrost4228]

1st story- Infuriating, just leave already. 2nd story - so angry I almost forgot the first story. How did OP not punch the MIL???

[@sternenblumen]

Ouff, story 1 is painful to listen to. I often find that people jump to cheating far too easily (but I might just be too idealistic) but that's so many red flags. Most of all, Chad is around all the time, spends lots of time with her, even talking late at night - and she never once before said that she dislikes him? Yeah, I also voluntarily spend hours talking to people that are "nasty" 🤨.

[@CathySW]

Story 1 They all sound like assholes to me. The wife and AP for obvious reasons, the friends who seem to enjoy the drama and OP for spending as much time as he can away from his wife and kids. It sounds like they're both unhappy in the marriage but too cowardly to leave

[@goatkiller666]

Who drives to their own home, then sits in a parked car for an hour? And it’s not even that she did that once… she does it regularly, she doesn’t even hide it, and OP mentioned it up front like that’s totally a thing normal people do, and is not suspicious behavior to him.

[@petofthecentury2802]

“They won’t want you OR the KIDS”?!?! The fuck bro

[@angeleyesgreen1586]

Story 1: I can't believe he's still sleeping with her 🤦‍♀️

[@Burglar-King]

Story 2..At the very least OP should be able to get a restraining order. Gather up any evidence including the threatening text. It was obviously her, then have an order saying she is not allowed to call, contact or be within 50 yards secondly you have the option of moving town and starting up somewhere new. Good luck and for all who have lost babies at any time during their pregnancies I wish you peace and happiness and am so sorry for your loss.

[@tyron2854]

She’s so cheating lol

[@ondank]

Story 1 : I just don't believe he will get out here. Nothing will ever be good enough in his mind as 100 percent proof. If your relationship has been rubbish, how can you tolerate spending hours doting on this random guy

[@thomasprogli3372]

1st story: he is a doormat.

[@TheVeggiekat]

Story 1 He should tell the friend no more free space. The friend is on their property often and spends time with their kids. Yes I would be spending a lot of time talking to someone that wrapped up in my life and my kids’ lives. OP also needs to change his work schedule so that him and his wife are on the same schedule.

[@hodgeelmwood8677]

OP should've gone to marital counseling ten years ago when things started to go bad. Why do people just live like this for years, and make no attempt to solve their problems??